Hand in hand, Kakashi led Kina to his room, closed the door behind her and went straight to his stereo, while Kina squatted cross-legged on his bed. "Do you want to listen to music? That lightens the mood a bit."

"Mh-hm," Kina said and chewed her lower lip nervously.

Kakashi gave this reaction a worried look before he put a cassette in the deck that he had once created in case Rin came to him and they would have romantic sex. Well. At least he now had a suitable background music for Kina. Holding Back the Tears started playing and he turned the volume down so far that the song could be heard unobtrusively in the background. Then he turned to Kina, who was staring at her socks and fumbling with the ankle hem of her sweatpants. Sighing soundlessly, he came to her, sat down next to her and gently nudged her upper arm. "Hey, are you nervy?"

Kina nodded and raised her head, but looked ahead towards the door, although Kakashi could swear that she didn't notice it. "Yes.. I thought, if I approach the matter a little more boldly, then it won't be so strange, but somehow.. I mean, you're right, I don't just want to be fucked bluntly." She made a sound that was half amusement and half shame. "But the fact that it's SO nerve-wracking unsettles me."

"Do you want to have a drink?" Kakashi suggested. After a short nod, he got two bottles of beer from the kitchen cupboard, both of which he handed to her. "Don't you want anything?" she asked after a first sip.

"I'm still really hungover from last night. And I want to be sober for this." Without warning, he gave Kina a kiss, which, dumbfounded as she was, she didn't return. She cleared her throat and put the beer bottle on the bedside table with trembling fingers. "I'm sorry, was that too fast?" he probed. He just became bloodily aware that he had never had reserved sex and that he honestly had no idea about anything. He had to restrain himself, slow down, as he himself had said a few minutes ago.

Kina took a deep breath, smiled narrowly and slipped the oversized T-shirt over her head and sweatpants off her legs. Kakashi immediately noticed that she was wearing all-black underwear today and that the panties and bra matched each other in style, like a set. Both had a floral lace edge and a small, red bow at the hem or on the bridge between the breasts. She was clearly serious. She bent one leg, dangled the right one from the edge of the bed and turned to Kakashi, kneading her hands visibly nervously and pulling her shoulders up.

Smiling, Kakashi let his eyes wander over her slender body, starting at her lap, where a few light pubic hairs peeked out from under the narrow fabric, over her rapidly breathing belly, her breasts, whose stiff nipples made her arousal clear to him, high into her blushing face. She had her lips pressed together and her purple irises glittered slightly. "So beautiful," he whispered, smiled wider at the darkening of her cheeks and the incredulous brow twitch, kissed her briefly and then undressed as well, also throwing his underpants on the floor with the rest of his clothes, and sat opposite Kina in a mirrored position.

Now it was Kina's turn to look him up and down. Her gaze lingered much longer on his crotch, where his flaccid penis lay, and she took a deep breath. "Can I touch you?"

"Sure," Kakashi murmured. He was jittery like an inexperienced virgin himself, although he actually wanted to take the lead in this situation to help Kina's first time to be a pleasant experience. But somehow this felt so intimate that a lump formed in his throat, which he tried unsuccessfully to swallow.

Kina lifted both legs onto the bed, sat on her heels, moved a little closer on her shins until her knees touched his, and placed her small, warm hands on his chest, where she let her fingertips glide over his skin, could certainly feel his racing heart, circled his nipples surrounded by fine fluff, which reacted to her tenderness with hardening, and paid attention to every single little birthmark. She leaned forward and kissed the mole on his left breastplate, the one below his right collarbone, the one near his right armpit. With gentle pressure, she asked him to lean back. He braced himself on his arms and she continued on her way. The largest birthmark on his torso, a light brown spot with the size of a shirt button on his right flank, even received special treatment. Kina not only kissed it, but teased it with the tip of her tongue, sucked lightly on it.

Her head sank deeper to his belly button, into which she briefly dipped her tongue. Then she brushed her long hair to one side and Kakashi knew what she was up to, but he gasped in surprise when her lips first touched only the strip of hair below his navel, leaving a small flame on every millimetre until they finally reached the root of his member. Again, she moved away slightly, but only to enclose the semi-stiff shaft with her hand – although her short fingers could not complete the circle, as Kakashi's cavernous bodies diligently went about their work and rewarded her timid caresses. Her lips breathed a kiss on his glans, opened and the tip of her hot, wet tongue slowly ran over the ribbon at the bottom.

For the first time, Kakashi took his eyes off Kina's blond hair, which shimmered almost white in the sparse light of the bedside lamp, tilted his head back, answered Kina's kisses and licks with a soft moan. His pelvis pushed forward, towards her mouth, which took in a little more of him. Her teeth bumped against his shaft, but her steadily moving tongue made up for this slip.

Kakashi tilted his gaze, looked at Kina's crouching posture, her dragonfly tattoo on her shoulder blades, her scar, her back, on which a muscle twitched sporadically, and her hip. That's when he noticed that her panties weren't briefs at all, but a thong. Her buttocks were exposed and elicited a dirty grin from him. Yes, she was indeed very serious.

Another tooth contact, this time much more painful than before, made him hiss involuntarily. Immediately Kina stopped. "I'm sorry.."

"It's okay," Kakashi replied reassuringly and stroked her head. She straightened up and looked so damn pitiful that he couldn't stop a short laugh. "Hey, it's okay. Something like that is just difficult, I know it." He stumbled over his own choice of words and quickly added, "You really didn't do badly, and with my thickness something like that is inevitable. But I'm hard, aren't I?" Kina smiled gratefully and nodded. He kissed her. "Well, then. In other words, it was good. Do you want to continue or may I now?"

"Whatever you want to do, I'm ready."

"Okay. Lie on your stomach," Kakashi begged in a soft voice and Kina obeyed, her movements were a bit clumsy, almost halting; her nervousness was more than clear. She crossed her arms under her chin and Kakashi sat down on her legs. He placed his palms on Kina's shoulders, which he massaged with gentle movements, worked his way towards her arms, took the bra wires with him, loosened them before returning to her back and sliding his thumbs along her spine with little pressure to the bottom of her scar, where he stopped and opened the clip. He leaned forward, his boner brushed her butt, and he whispered into that ear that wasn't covered by her hair, "Relax, Kina." The petite body beneath him shuddered noticeably. He pushed the bra aside. "Just relax." He kissed her auricle, straightened up again and continued with the massage.

The feeling of her vibrating chest and her velvety skin under his fingers aroused him immensely. The circles of the heels of his hands grew larger and larger, wandering further and further into the depths until he reached her thong. Carefully he lifted it and pulled it down. His index fingers stroked along the prints of the rubber, under her pelvis, which he grasped with his hands and lifted a little. Kina squealed softly and her cheeks pinched together for a moment.

Kakashi ran the edge of his hand between them, over her twitching rosette to her moist vagina, through her labia, into her expectantly pulsating hole. At first only the index finger, but after a few circulating movements in and out, the middle finger followed. Just like on Thursday, he felt the unevenness of her vaginal walls, which smoothed out into a sleek, hot surface with every spreading, rubbing and stroking. Kina's breathing had become heavy, interrupted now and then by a gasp.

To show her how horny she made him, he pressed his erection against her thigh and half lay on top of her. So, he could reach her neck better, on which he spread small kisses. With the tip of his tongue he slalomed between her vertebrae, caressed her scar and did not let her vagina rest for a second. He sank his nose into her glowing skin, to which there was a whiff of the curd soap used in the Maito house. Kakashi suppressed the burgeoning thought of Gai, wanted to take full care of Kina, there was no place for her brother and the guilty conscience associated with him. The deeper his lips got, the further he straightened up until he sat on the back of her knees with his legs apart again and began to thrust his fingers into her. Kina moaned blissfully.

When Kakashi took his other hand to help and gently kneaded her butt, Kina gasped and her pelvis jerked up. Kakashi took this opportunity, removed his fingers from her and lifted her hips, causing her legs to pull away from under him and allow her to kneel down, the thong slid down onto the mattress.

Now Kakashi saw Kina's vagina in all its glory, like a perfectly shaped coffee bean with a dark blond wig. At the sight he grinned unnoticed, spread her outer labia with his thumbs and lowered his face into her lap. As soon as the tip of his tongue had touched her entrance, Kina squealed and braced herself on her arms. Kakashi didn't let that deter him, penetrated her, let his tongue twitch inside her and gave her a lascivious look over her ass, which she returned with a moan, her head half contorted. She looked ahead again, pushed her bra away from under her as if it would disturb her lust, and obviously lost herself in this feeling.

Kakashi had never licked a girl before, so he just did something he thought was arousing. He worked over a large area of her clitoris with his entire tongue, pricked it only with the tip, licked himself up and down between the labia, sucked on them, minimally drilled his nose into her anus and treated Kina's vagina like a sugared pastry from which he wanted to tickle the last bit of sweet custard. His mouth slobbered vulgarly, smacked when her lips parted from his, and when Kina lay softly moaning and whimpering in the pillow, straightened up again, only to go down again restlessly, and her pelvis moved up and down, her throbbing muscles let a little air escape, which put an enthusiastic grin on Kakashi's face. He had heard of such queefs and they could have disgusted him, but honestly he found this sound pretty horny. It proved to him that Kina had a hole that was widening and contracting – and that he was triggering all of this in her.

His licking certainly didn't deserve a medal, he simply had too little experience for that, but it still had the hoped-for effect. Kina began to sweat, her moans became louder, more demanding, she slammed her clenched fist into the pillow and her vagina produced more and more secretion. When the first drop of liquid, whatever it was, abseiled from Kakashi's chin and landed on his hand, which he had propped up on the mattress, he stopped smooching Kina's pussy, declared it definitely wet enough, wiped his mouth superficially, and dug out of his bedside drawer a condom and, as a precaution, the Vaseline.

In order not to lose time unnecessarily, he frantically tore open the square foil and tried to put the skin-coloured piece of latex over his cock, but had to realize that the thing, even if it was stretchy, cut off his flesh and he only got the ring rolled to just over half of his shaft. "Fuck," he breathed without Kina seeming to hear him. She put on sexy lingerie especially for him and he didn't even think about the fact that he only had normal-sized johnnies. He had already seen how tight they were on the cucumber, why hadn't he bought new ones?! In his mind, he scolded him for his lack of foresight, but didn't bother about it any further. He had been stuck with it for an unnecessarily long time anyway and he was worried that Kina might have lost her arousal in the meantime, so he grabbed her between the legs from the front and slowly rubbed her clitoris. "Are you ready?" he asked, his heart beating so loudly that she would have to be deaf not to hear it.

Kina just nodded.

"Hey," Kakashi murmured and stroked her neck tenderly. His fingers on her clit stopped. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said choppily.

"Really?"

With an almost mocking laugh, Kina lifted her head and turned it so far that they could look into each other's eyes. "Yes, Kakashi, I'm ready. Come on, finally put it in."

Kakashi smiled, pressed a kiss on her cheek and moved into position. He placed his cock at her entrance, held her by the hip and took one last look at Kina's head, which rested on the pillow again. Her shoulders shook slightly, and a lingering restlessness still gnawed at his mind, whether this was really right, whether she really wanted it, whether she only didn't stop him because she didn't want to disappoint him – but he closed his eyes, interrupted his own questioning, and slowly penetrated Kina.

Well, at least he tried. He had expected it to be tight, but not THAT tight. Barely his glans made it into her. He exerted more force, withdrew, pushed forward again; again only a few centimetres. Kina arched her back and moaned softly, but it didn't sound too enjoyable. There was no more pulsation, only this narrowness, which seemed as if it was literally closing itself off to him.

Kakashi's glans slipped out and instead he inserted his fingers into her again. Her vagina was moist, a short twitch promised him at least a certain lust, but her walls were uneven again. The stretch was gone. But that was the important factor.

A desperation boiled up in Kakashi that he could hardly control. It wasn't regret that he wouldn't have sex, but rather self-loathing because he seemed too incapable of arousing Kina and maintaining that state. He squeezed his eyes shut, bit his lower lip and fought his tears with all his might.

"Kashi?" Kina asked cautiously, because Kakashi had two fingers in her, but didn't do or say anything else.

Before she could turn around, Kakashi pulled his hand out of her crotch, blinked a few times, took a deep breath, and purred in a hopefully convincing tone, "Fuck, Kina, you're too tight for my cock."

"Or you're too big for my pussy," Kina giggled, who hadn't noticed anything about his short tantrum. "Will it work?"

Kakashi didn't know what to answer. He wanted it to work, he wanted it so badly, but when he confessed now that he could truly feel Kina losing her female boner, he forced her to a truth that she herself might not have been aware of: she wasn't ready. Or he was too incompetent. Or both.

He was torn, would like to buy time from the universe to think extensively about what the right, the sane decision was, whether quitting wouldn't be wiser after all, whether they needed a conversation, whether he simply had to lick and finger more.

But instead of thinking, he acted. Kina kind of expected it from him. Perhaps. "I think I know how it can work," he said, smeared his glans and her entrance each with a thick dollop of Vaseline and started a new attempt. One hand on her pelvis, one as support on her clitoris, he pressed himself into her. The Vaseline allowed more centimetres than before. Kina's sounds, her panting, her squeaking, her vibrating breath, still sounded clearly tortured. Her entire body language showed insecurity, her vagina seemed bone dry despite the aid.

Kakashi's chest literally burned. He couldn't take it anymore. "Kina, should we stop?" he asked quietly, hoping for a "yes", but Kina shook her head wildly. "No, it's just... It's really big, you know? Pay no attention to me."

"No, this is about you, Kina, not me."

With an unnerved groan, Kina pushed herself up, threw her long hair through the air and growled over her shoulder, "Man, Kashi, I think I hate the gentleman in you. Just fuck me, kay? I can't wait another two weeks for it. I want you, NOW."

Kakashi hesitated. Deep down in his core, he sensed that deep down in her core, Kina didn't want it. It might have been pride, a kind of defiance towards herself that didn't let Kina see it. And he had better have the courage to tell her the truth, to convince her that she didn't have to prove anything to him, that he wouldn't judge her and that he wouldn't be angry with her if she backed down now.

He thrusted for the first time. Kina gasped loudly, her entire body stiffened.

He thrusted a second time. Kina's legs moved apart but were prevented from spreading further by the rubber of her thong.

A third thrust and Kakashi closed his eyes, only holding Kina's hip in position, convulsively blocking out her whimpering moans, which only moved very slowly in a pleasured direction.

With each thrust it became easier. Kakashi couldn't tell if Kina's vagina widened out of lust or if his cock just drilled her hole bigger, so to speak. Either way, at some point, after the first eternal minutes, it didn't feel so wrong to fuck Kina anymore. It was hot and much too tight, he imagined that he felt something like a tearing, but that changed her insides. Now it was wetter, somehow more pleasant, and finally he could enjoy himself. A first moan came over Kakashi's lips and he opened his eyes again.

Kina had clawed at sheets and pillows, panting and roaring. Sweat glistened on her trembling back. Kakashi stroked it with one hand, scraping his fingernails along her spine, tightening the other's grip on her pelvis and quickening his thrusts.

"Nghhh yeheeess.." Kina's bright voice reached his ears and awakened something in him – greed. He grabbed Kina by the elbow and knee and turned her around, plucked the thong from her legs, spread her thighs as far as he could and effortlessly penetrated back into her as his lips touched hers. Kina wrapped her arms around his neck, deepened their kiss, fought a little war with his tongue. Her moans dried up in Kakashi's mouth as his thrusts became very fast and hard for a few seconds, so that their skin met for the first time, loudly applauding their battle.

Kakashi couldn't hold back a dark growl, broke their kiss, stopped his movements to grab Kina's wrists and press them into her outstretched hair above her head. A last, passionate look between violet and slate, and Kakashi thrusted again. Kina closed her eyes, presented him with her bobbing larynx when she moaned, gasped "Yes" and "Fuck" or growled with pleasure. Kakashi drew the strength from his back, undulating it so that his movements were slow, but steady and deep. Each time, Kina's tits bounced, her nipples jumped joyfully in circles. Kakashi clasped the right one, kneaded it gently, only continued to get horny on it. They were so incredibly beautiful and wonderfully soft.

"Hahhh.. Kakashi..." Kina moaned and turned his attention back to her face. She gave him blazing glances. He grinned, panting. "Do you like that?"

"Yes," she whimpered.

His fingers dug harder into her breast. "Yes? Do you like it when I'm not a gentleman to you?" She moaned, which turned into a long "Yeaaahhh". "Don't be a gentleman.. yes.. and fuck me like I.. nghhh haah.. deserve."

That was too much. Kakashi grabbed her roughly by the hip, lifted her up and thrust mercilessly. Kina screamed, looked for support on the headboard and, as it sounded, moaned her soul out of her body. Kakashi watched her breasts swirl around happily, his hard shaft disappear into her glowing pink vagina and her belly bulge every time he rammed into her. It took him a moment to realize that this was his cock.

This sight made Kakashi addicted. He knew he couldn't keep up this pace for long, but he clung to Kina's ass and watched with growing enthusiasm as her belly made a dotted bounce just below the navel with every thrust. He moaned, didn't want to stop, although he noticed how his strength was gradually leaving him. His thighs began to tingle, his limbs became heavy, his back muscles hurt with every jerk. But these bounces.. The certainty of how deep he was inside her, that he was rearranging her organs. He didn't want to see anything else, but he couldn't do it any longer.

Exhausted, he let Kina sink back onto the mattress, leaned over her with trembling arms and moved a little slower, stimulating them both rather evenly. Only now did he notice that a trail of tears glistened on Kina's temple. "Was that too much?" he asked out of breath.

She probably couldn't talk anymore, just kissed him and put her hands on his waist, where she caressed his sweaty skin. Kakashi understood this as negation, so he activated his last energy reserves, quickened his thrusts again, his hips jerked two or three times, and finally he came with a droning moan. Heat spread on his cock, which twitched diligently. The exertion overwhelmed him. He slumped, slipped out of Kina's vagina, buried his nose in her hair.

It took a comparatively long time until the noise in his ears subsided and he could breathe halfway normally again, and even longer until he felt Kina stroke his back in the meantime. Powerlessly, he pushed himself up a few centimetres and looked into her languid eyes. "Are you okay?"

Kina smiled weakly and nodded. "Yes," she croaked and swallowed hard.

Kakashi moistened his palate, which had become dry from the constant panting. "Did it hurt?"

Once again, it was Kina's eyes that provided the true answer. "No," she lied with a smile and scratched his wet hair. Kakashi struggled with himself. Should he address it? He decided against it and straightened up. She didn't want him to worry, and he respected that.

His gaze darted to Kina's crotch, and he was taken aback. A thick substance oozed out of her vagina and made its way over her buttocks. His heartbeat, which had only calmed down to a limited extent, shot up when he saw that his decongestant erection was glistening and dripping with sperm. There was no condom on it anymore. "Oh fuck," he whined and felt his member as if the latex would magically appear.

"What's wrong?" Kina asked. "Did I bleed?"

Shaking his head, he looked up. "The condom is gone."

"What, gone?" She sat up and stroked her rosy labia. "You mean.. Wait.. It's IN ME?!"

All exhaustion was forgotten in one fell swoop. Kakashi gave her some space, ran his fingers through his hair, because he didn't know what else to do with himself, and watched as Kina rummaged around in her vagina, her face becoming more and more panicked. "Shit.. No.." She knelt down, continued to scrabble between her legs. "No, no, no.. It can't be gone.." She raised her fingers in front of her eyes and visibly understood what the wetness on them meant.

One look was enough to communicate without a word. Kina turned around, was doggy again, and Kakashi inserted his thumb and index finger into her dilated vagina, looking for a foreign object inside. He pushed his hand deeper, Kina gasped heavily, and finally he felt it. He grabbed a corner and pulled the condom out of her, put the shabby thing on his underpants on the floor and wiped his hand dry on the sheet. Kina had sat down again, one leg pressed close to her chest, her chin resting on her knee. Kakashi looked at her, tousled his hair again and finally asked, his hands clasped behind his neck, "You're not on the pill by chance, are you?"

Kina gave him an almost scathing look. "No," she said in a tone Kakashi couldn't interpret.

"Fuck."

It became quiet, only very softly The Lady in Red strummed. Kakashi found it inappropriate that music was still playing at all, and then such of all things. He got up, switched off his stereo and turned to Kina, who sat unchanged, her posture closed, withdrawn, her eyes on the wooden ball at the foot of the bed frame. Would it be better to remain silent, to give her space to think? But he also wanted to appease her, to assure her of his closeness, no matter what the future would bring, so he slipped into a fresh pair of boxers and came back to the bed. After a short hesitation, he touched her shoulder, which tore her out of her torpor. Her eyes looked sad, but she managed a small smile. "I.." Kakashi began, not really knowing which words could be helpful in this situation. "I'm sorry."

Kina indicated a shake of her head, pulled the blanket towards her and hid her naked body in it. "It's not your fault." Before he could talk and make a confession about the fucked up condom size, she continued, "You didn't want that to happen. It was not intentional. I was just too impatient because I really wanted sex. Fuck, I feel so stupid.." She buried her face in her hands. "You know, I'm the only one at Albion who was still a virgin when she graduated. Me and the Braces-Brienne, who no one dares to approach because the boys are afraid of losing their dick if she bites. That didn't do my self-esteem any good, you know? And then there's the problem with my hair everywhere. I once overheard how they called me a werewolf. Fuck, that hurt. I finally wanted to be desired, and then I came here and.." She pulled her face out again, looked crestfallen at Kakashi's belly button. "I'm sorry, Kashi. I didn't want to make you feel like I'd taken advantage of you. Honestly not. I would have wanted to sleep with you without any buts, too. But I made a bet with Andy, a friend in college, that I'd get laid before university. That's what I get out of it now. This is probably the karma strike of death. And then I'll drag you into it too. I didn't want that. Shit, we shouldn't have done that at all. And you didn't want me to regret it."

With a pinched smile, she stroked Kakashi's knee, who looked at her and raised the corners of his mouth. "What was the bet about?" he asked, trying to remain calm.

Kina pulled a snout. "A Prada handbag."

"Since when do you want to walk around with Prada? You're way too casual for that," he joked and did everything he could to ignore this nagging restlessness in his neck vertebrae.

"Eh," Kina grumbled playfully and punched his shoulder. "I'm just a girl. Andy and I saw it in a magazine and both thought it was mega. I could only have afforded it with a lot of begging with Takeshi, so I didn't want to lose the bet under any circumstances. Well, shit, if I really get pregnant now, I can exchange the bag for a week's supply of diapers or the cost of the abortion, because I'm sure no doctor will confirm that it's necessary."

There it was again, that elephant in the room, confronting Kina's fake cheerfulness with reality. She placed her chin on her knee again and puffed out her cheeks.

Kakashi clamped his folded hands between his thighs. "No matter what happens, I want you to know that I'm there for you."

Kina didn't say anything, took her beer bottle from the bedside table and sipped it.

Alcohol seemed to Kakashi to be the only real thing. He opened the second bottle and drank it half empty in a few gulps. The silence in the room was now, without any music, oppressive. For the second time that evening, Kakashi's self-hatred grew, inflating into an unbearable blister in his chest that constricted his throat. "Do you want to go now?"

There was a rustling next to him and out of the corner of his eye he noticed movement, but he didn't look at Kina, simply couldn't after what she had just told him. "Do you want me to go?" she asked, audibly uncertain.

Without thinking, Kakashi shook his head. Actually, he wanted to, because he wanted to be alone, maybe cry, but he couldn't send Kina away either. She needed him. As if following his train of thought, Kina said hesitantly, "Thank you for being there for me. It was really nice, so the sex. I'm still glad you were my first. Something like that could have happened with anyone, but with you I know that in the worst case you wouldn't leave me. You would stay with me because you are a good man. And in the best case, I'll get my period soon and we can laugh about it. In any case, you're there."

"Of course," Kakashi smiled falsely and touched her shoulder briefly.

"Do you want to smoke something?" Kina dared an obvious attempt to change the subject. She half climbed off the bed, rummaged a joint out of her trouser pocket and held it up. "I had brought it with me to give myself courage. Now it can serve the purpose of distracting us and killing your sperm before it reaches my fallopian tubes." When Kakashi was still silent, she gently bumped her fist on his shoulder again. "Come on, Kashi, smile. The sperm killing was a joke. Dad would say now that we must always look for the light in the darkness. I have a calendar for my period and it starts next week, hopefully. So purely biologically nothing should happen anyway. The probability is dwindlingly low."

Kakashi's gaze flickered into her eyes, in which, in addition to this kind of reassuring confidence, there was an indifference that he had never noticed in them before. Did she not care what her words triggered in him? That he was nothing but a means to an end? For an overpriced handbag? And then this flat treatment of an impending pregnancy? Abortion? Joke..? Was he just the joke here? Were his opinions, his feelings and his point of view worth absolutely nothing in this story?

Gradually it became cramped in the cage. He put on a grin and turned the beer bottle between his palms. "Yes, I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm just worried about you."

"Hey, you don't have to," Kina said encouragingly. "I'm sure everything will be fine. Next time we'll just be more careful."

"Yes, next time.." Kakashi took the joint from her and lit it. "Then I'll also make you cum."

"Uuh, is that a promise?" Kina playfully bobbed her eyebrows.

"Of course," Kakashi replied.

"Awesome, I'm looking forward to it," she whispered, gave him a kiss, which Kakashi now didn't return, stood up and disappeared from the room with a winked "I'll be right back".

As soon as Kakashi was alone, his seemingly deceptively real smile died, his hands began to shake and the joint almost didn't hit his mouth as he dragged. He had to keep his composure, otherwise he would spoil Kina's mood, which was obviously back to normal after this short damper with the condom faux pas. To keep his circling thoughts calm, he drank his beer empty, fetched new bottles and Sakumo's booze and had just made himself comfortable on the bed again when Kina returned. Without being asked, she put on Kakashi's T-shirt, which was lying in the pile of clothes in front of the bed, and went to the stereo, changed the cassette, turned up the volume and swung her hips to Heart's Done Time. "Mh, yes, sex, drugs and rock 'n roll – the best mix for a cozy Sunday evening."

Kakashi forced himself into a laugh that became more honest at the end of the joint and a generous amount of beer and whiskey later. Kina and he lay on his bed, listening to music and Kina told dramatically exaggerated stories from St. Albion's College. She almost managed to make him stop thinking about anything. Only when they spooned up close to each other shortly before midnight and Kina snored quietly next to him, the silence and darkness took over his mind and nothing could distract him anymore, it broke over him.

The shame, the disgust, the disappointment. He would never have thought that Kina, of all people, would be responsible for making him feel dirty and exploited. Yes, they had agreed from the beginning to let it come to them. But if he had known WHAT was coming, he wouldn't have gotten involved.

Remorse spread through him and he wrapped his arms tighter around Kina's body, pressed his fingers between hers and choked his sobs in her strawberry hair. These were the last hours in which they could be like this, he knew that. At some point, reality would catch up with them, mercilessly overwhelm them. And already now he missed this last carefreeness, this hope.

Why hadn't he stopped? He should have sought the conversation. He should have paid more attention to her nonverbal signals. He had seen it, and yet he had carried on. She hadn't really wanted him, just anyone, but above all she hadn't wanted him today. If he had stopped, they wouldn't be in this mess now. If he hadn't gone any further, they wouldn't have any problems now. They would have left it at that, just drunk something, smoked, maybe caressed each other, but they wouldn't have destroyed their friendship.

Never again could he see Kina for what she had been to him until a few hours ago. He couldn't pretend forever that everything was fine, that she hadn't hurt him with her words, even if she certainly hadn't been meant it that way. Kina was not an evil person, she just sometimes had her own ideas about everything and had a hard time accepting other views. But even if Kakashi could understand her motives, they didn't change the fact that he wished he was far away at the moment – away from Kina, away from the lurking fears of the future, away from his guilt. He had broken his promise to Gai, and for what?

For what..?

Kakashi couldn't stand Kina's closeness anymore. Carefully he got up, climbed out of bed and left his room. With his hand still on the door handle, he sobbed again, trying to suppress it at the same time, turning his crying fit into a hiccup. Each hic drew the tears from his overflowing eyes and he leaned his forehead against the cold wall in the hallway, his fingers painfully clawed at the nape of his neck.

His father was right, he was rubbish that spread its stench everywhere. Worth nothing, just a cock in one direction or a hole in the other. He would not have thought it possible that he could feel EVEN more worthless than through Rin's action. But here he was, a seemingly unfeeling burden for everyone.

A brief thought stumbled into his brain as to whether he shouldn't just jump off the balcony. Then the cause of all the problems of the people in his life was gone. Then he couldn't do any more damage.

Sakumo could finally focus on coping with his grief without having a good-for-nothing son on his hands.

Gai could forget about him and be happy with a boy who didn't detest himself.

Kina could decide whatever she thought was right without him getting in her way, because on the one hand he didn't want to let his child be killed before it was born, and on the other hand he didn't want to bind her to him just because they would have to raise a baby and a life together became a duty.

And he.. He would no longer have to endure all this. He would no longer have to endure being a failure, a coward and a burden. Everyone else would be free, and so would he.

His gaze was fixed on the door frame to the living room. Salvation was only a few steps away. He only had to lift his foot and—

Not a metre behind him, the ringing of the phone tore the night apart. Kakashi gasped in fright, at least getting rid of his hiccups, and stared at the dark green device on the small table next to the coat rack. It rang again, the bell disc inside rattled softly. When it started the third time, he answered. "Hello?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"Hello? Am I talking to Kakashi Hatake?" asked a man on the other end of the line.

"Uh.. Yes?" Next to him, the door to his room opened and Kina stood on the threshold with her hair dishevelled, swollen eye slits and the blanket wrapped around her body.

"It's good that I can reach you so quickly, and I'm sorry for the nightly disturbance. It's about your father, Sakumo Hatake. He had an accident."