Chapter 1: Blood sucker emphasis on the sucker

"What're you doing?" Sam looked down. Held beneath his nose was a plastic wrapped package of beef; Ben Doyle at the other end.

"Is this wagyu?"

"What?"

"Is it wagyu? It says so on the label, but the price doesn't seem right-." "-why…how would I know that?"

Ben retracted the meat and examined it, brow furrowed;

"You can smell that sort of thing, right?"

"Right, because I'm a vampire, I can tell if that beef is wagyu or not," Sam rolled his eyes, "should I feel profiled?"

Ben tossed the steak in the cart, along with two others of the same brand. Before Ben could respond, Adam trotted up to them, arms full of chips and crackers. He tossed his boon into the cart as well.

"What's up?"

"Ben is profiling me."

"It's a reasonable assumption," cried Ben.

"It's a microaggression, is what it is."

"I'm going to go grab drinks…you two work out whatever is going on here-," Adam backed away, smiling. Ben looked at Sam, ready to argue his case, before Sam said,

"I bite," to which Ben shut his mouth and nodded,

"A convincing argument."

After checking out, loading up the car, and making the long drive back to Sam's rural house in Colorado, the trio burst into the kitchen with their cleaning hands at the ready. Sam threw open the fridge doors and basked in the cool air. Adam started unpacking. He called from across the room not even sparing a glance,

"Stop wasting electricity!"

"I'm literally burning up. This is life or death," Sam yelled back.

"Why do you even still live in Colorado?" Ben asked, passing behind Sam carrying three heavy plastic bags full of groceries. He set them down on the counter with a thunk. Sam answered,

"I like it here. It's nice. The sun is the problem."

"The sun is like ninety percent of the weather here," Adam chimed in. "That's not true," said Sam, "it snows quite a bit."

"Yet you still end up driving our electrical bill through the roof," Adam said as he slammed the doors of the fridge shut. Sam jerked back, sticking his tongue out between his canines.

"I still say I wanna move to Romania," Ben insisted, "that's not profiling, that's a genuine opinion," he pointed at Sam, anticipating retaliation. Sam snorted,

"Absolutely not. Dude, everyone I've met from Transylvania are like vampire traditionalists. I don't think our weird poly interspecies situationship would fly."

"I, for one, find our poly interspecies situationship not weird and completely normal," Ben crossed his arms, "and I never said it needed to be Transylvania. We could move to a different city."

"Also, those tradvamps can suck my dick," Adam yelled as he put snacks away in the pantry.

"Also, those tradvamps can suck Adam's dick," Ben paused, "Actually, I'd rather they didn't suck any part of us."

"Good god," Sam groaned, "I'm not moving to Romania, end of discussion." "How about Switzerland? That's like second best, right?"

"I'd consider it," Sam nodded. Ben cheered, leaning over to call to Adam. "He says he'd consider Switzerland!"

"Switzerland is so cold, though," Adam whined back.

"But it's magnificent and they have good trains," Ben's eyebrows raised. "Mmmm trains," hummed Sam.

"Sam likes the trains," Ben emphasized. Adam came out of the pantry. He tossed a bag of bones at Ben who caught them and held them far away from himself in disgust.

"What's this?"

"Sheep bones," Adam said.

"Why's this?" Ben asked.

"Ask Sam."

"Sam, why is there a bag of sheep bones in the pantry?"

Sam cringed,

"I forgot I left those in there."

Once the sun finally set beneath the horizon, Sam was at his peak. It was like someone fed him twenty cans of iced coffee. He was bouncing off the walls.

"We should go hiking."

"Okay, Sam," Adam muttered through his half-shut lids. His head rested on Ben's lap as they relaxed together on the couch. Sam was dancing around the house, going from chore to chore and activity to activity as Ben gently ran his fingers through Adam's hair and absentmindedly watched the Great British Bake Off.

"There's one I found that's more up north, it's really pretty. We should go." "Okay, Sam," hummed Adam. Sam approached, hands on hips.

"Say 'Okay Sam' if you want me to suck your blood."

"No Sam," Adam smirked. He cracked his eyes open just to relish in the disappointment on Sam's face. Sam whined.

"I'm hungry."

"Go hunting then," Ben suggested, "you clearly have some energy to get out." "But I don't enjoy hunting alone," Sam said, "and I almost got shot last time."

"Yeah because you keep stealing the same guy's sheep. Go to a different guy this time," Ben argued. Sam crossed his arms and pouted his lip,

"There's no other sheep guys nearby."

Adam interjects, "then go to the pigs. They're closer to people anyways."

"You know how I feel about pigs," Sam swatted the idea away. Ben filled in the blank as if reciting a boring book,

"They're too close to humans so you're afraid you'll get a craving and try to kill someone." "Do you want me trying to kill you or Adam in your sleep? I think not."

"I'm ninety percent sure you already do," Ben snorted.

"You're really pushing it with the bigotry today, Doyle."

"Oh what so it's vampirist if I get scared when you stand ominously in our doorway at night? Like that's not objectively terrifying?" Said Ben. Sam sputtered out a reply,

"I-I do not do that."

"You do. All the time," Adam backed Ben up, "it is weird."

"Okay well…if I did that it's not because I want to eat you."

"So?"

"So maybe I do it to protect you," Sam looked at the floor, muttering. Adam glances up, raising his brow,

"From?"

"I dunno. Humans die in their sleep a lot," Sam sheepishly explained, "I'm just checking to see if you're still breathing. It freaks me out."

"Aw okay I feel bad now. That's kinda sweet," Ben blushed. He smiled warmly as Sam, that smile that if Sam had a working heart would make it melt. Instead it just makes Sam's legs turn to jello.

"Yeah that's cute," Adam agreed. Sam couldn't stand it. Adam's sleepy voice gently praising him. He walked over and flopped into the couch, wrapping his gangly limbs into the cuddle pile that had now fully formed. Ben and Adam welcome Sam in with open arms, which quickly becomes a mistake as Sam slaps both his freezing cold hands on the back of Adam and Ben's necks.

"Ah Jesus!" Ben jumped, sending Adam falling to the floor. Sam cackled, "that never gets old."

"Stop using your lack of a body temperature as a biological weapon," Adam cried, "I was comfortable for God's sake!"

"Now will you come hunt with me?"

"Fine," Adam agreed. Ben stood up, stretching,

"I could use a walk. Adam, is there still that stash in the cupboard?"

"Of what?"

"Blueberry muffin flavored herbs."

"Yes," Adam said, "are you smoking?"

"Seems like that kinda night," concluded Ben. He wandered off to the kitchen as Sam got ready. Adam shot daggers at him with his eyes,

"You owe us a cuddle session when we get back," he pointed.

"Before or after I shower?"

"After, nasty," Adam wandered over. He gave Sam a playful punch on the arm and laced up his shoes. Ben slipped into some Crocs, carrying the good stuff from out of the kitchen,

"Ready to rock and roll?" he smiled.