A/N: Thank yous and e-cookies to Black Dragon Master, IrishDreamer4, Sharpe, and BrightWatcher for reviewing the last chapter! And thanks to 502nickster for favouriting/subscribing.

Also, kudos to Sharpe who's spotted that the chapter headings are song lyrics, and even identified two songs. I've been choosing the lyrics very carefully, because not only do I have to like the song, but the entire song - not just the particular lyric I've used - also has to fit with, or even expand upon, Mako's mindset in a particular chapter. Y'all might also have noticed that the single word I choose from the lyric as the chapter title holds the theme for said chapter (yeah, I've put way too much thought into this).

Here's a list of songs used so far in this fic, in order.

1. 'Words' by Boyzone (originally by Bee Gees)

2. 'Stone Cold' by Demi Lovato

3. 'Happier' by Ed Sheeran

4. 'Numb' by Linkin Park

5. 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day

6. 'Demons' by Imagine Dragons

7. 'The Sound of Silence' by Pentatonix (originally by Simon and Garfunkel)

8. 'Counting Stars' by One Republic

Now, on to the third, final, and longest chapter of this mini-arc!

8. Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

When he opens his eyes, Bolin is there.

It takes some doing, but he manages to get his mouth to move — and even then, it comes out as a whisper: "Bo?"

The younger man had been slumped in the visitor's chair of his standard hospital room, but jolts awake at his voice.

"Mako?" Bolin's eyes fill when they lock with tired amber; the tears spill when he flings his arms around a fragile body. "Bro!"

He doesn't want to protest, but Agni, it hurts.

"Ow, Bo…"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Bolin withdraws hastily, before embracing him more gently. "You're alive! Spirits, Mako, you're alive…" He's still crying, elated and relieved.

He'd return the hug, but his muscles are lead, and he has a feeling he'll regret moving that much. Instead he settles for leaning into Bolin's touch.

"How long…?"

"Two weeks." Bolin sniffs. "You had everybody real worried. For a while there, we thought…" More tears, which are quickly swiped away. "Kya thought you weren't gonna make it. Something about depleted chi…?"

Yeah, that sounds about right. He recalls his pathetic firebending and the numbness that permeated his left arm, right up to the time he started blasting Shady Shin and Two-Toed Ping — and he knows he'd been close to giving up entirely during his time in silence. He's actually somewhat surprised that he's alive — his chi has been dwindling for months, along with his purpose for living.

Now, his arm throbs limply by his side and his inner fire scorches sluggishly at chi-paths that are raw and frayed — but he feels them, where once he'd felt nothing. It is agonising.

It feels good.

...

Opal comes by with a lunch packed by Pema for Bolin, and with her comes her aunt. The young airbender barely has time to express her well-wishes before Lin orders her and Bolin out of the room so she can have a discussion.

"What were you thinking?" Lin hisses, with fury that's probably only as restrained as it is because of hospital rules. "Taking on two high-level Triple Threats the way you did? Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"I didn't do it on purpose," he objects. His voice is much stronger after an hour of talking to Bolin. "Shady Shin and Two-Toed Ping ambushed me; they wanted me to use the Triad Squad to wipe out the Agni Kais and Red Monsoons for the Triple Threats. I said no, they were going to kill me, so I fought them off."

Lin scowls ferociously. "Mako, what have I told you — what do I always tell cops about hostage situations?"

He retrieves the appropriate information from his police training. "Tell the perps what they want to hear?"

"Precisely. If you're not in a position where you have good odds of escaping unscathed, you say whatever the hell they want to hear so you can get out and get backup. Why in Koh's name would you tell two desperate triads no and then proceed to fight them alone with a lingering injury?"

He opens his mouth to answer, but his chief isn't finished.

"It's particularly brainless in your case because they wanted you to go back to the police — you literally couldn't have had a more convenient excuse. All you had to do was agree to their demand and get your ass back to HQ to report it. Instead you battle them, sustain more injuries, and nearly kill yourself from chi-exhaustion! I ought to fire you for reckless endangerment!"

He's rather taken aback by the force of her lecture. "I wasn't endangering anyone except two criminals!"

"You were risking a detective's life."

"There wasn't —" Lin glares and he abruptly realises she means him. "Oh."

Lin inhales and exhales deeply, then speaks in a calmer tone. "Look, kid, I know you haven't been in a good place lately…"

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!"

"But you stopped living," she points out. "The reason you've been under for so long — why you nearly died — is because you gave up fighting. Your chi was almost nonexistent. It took Korra doing some Avatar spiritual mumbo-jumbo to bring you back. You're not fine, Mako, and you haven't been fine for a long while."

He stays silent, unwilling to admit that he is that low. Not that Lin needs him to.

"You're on mandated leave, indefinitely. Don't worry about the pay — you've accumulated way too much overtime, anyway. We'll reassess after a month or two to see if you're ready to get back to work."

He nods glumly. He'd expected as much.

"And I'm sending you to Zaofu once you get out of here. A change of scene might do you some good — help you recover."

He thinks of the Metal Clan, the fresh air of their landscape and the sun glinting off their platinum domes. Out of all the places he could be exiled to, Suyin Beifong's city isn't too bad.

"Okay," he agrees.

"And Mako?"

"Chief?"

Lin's regards him with a subtle, but sincere smile. "I'm glad you decided not to die."

...

Korra visits in the evening, about an hour after Kai and Jinora leave. The first thing she does is hug him as tightly as she can without hurting him. The second is to berate him, much like Lin had, for being stupid.

He puts up with it with an air of long-suffering. He will probably get tired of being scolded by everybody soon enough (Kya had also been on his case earlier when she conducted some healing on his physical injuries) — but for now, the irate lectures are a tangible reminder that he has people who care for him.

He knew that already, but it's been a while since he felt it.

At length Korra finishes her diatribe with a huff and kisses his cheek; the touch of her lips warms him more than it should. "I'm so glad you're alive, Mako. Please don't ever do that again."

"I'll try." He feels better than he has in months, despite his still-frail physical condition; but he's all too aware that he might spiral again once everyone is assured he's not going to die on them and they return to their own lives.

He might not be on the verge of giving up anymore, but he still doesn't have all that much to live for.

I really am pathetic.

"You'd better," she tells him. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"You'd be fine."

"No, I really wouldn't."

She does not elaborate, and he senses that he shouldn't push. Instead, he asks a question.

"Korra. When I was…dying…you pulled me back. What did you do?"

Korra looks thoughtful. "It was sort of an extension of my ability to sense spiritual energy. I needed a way to reach you, so I meditated and tried to find your spirit. It took me a long time. I wasn't sure it would work. You were…pretty far gone."

She frowns, fidgeting with the blanket on his bed; he gently lays his right hand on top of hers.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising? It's not your fault. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry."

"For what?"

"For not noticing what was going on with you."

"I'm f—"

"If you say fine one more time, I'm going to smack you."

He doesn't know why he still tries to pretend; it's just an automatic response by now. He doesn't want people to worry about him, and that's all they've been doing for the past two weeks.

But Korra's right.

"Okay. I'm not fine."

Korra's expression becomes understanding. "Talk to me, Mako."

"I don't know why." It frustrates the hell out of him that he can't figure it out. "It just feels like — like I don't have a purpose, and nothing to live for — you and Bo and Asami and everybody are doing great things and living great lives — and I'm just here. Plain old Detective Mako, with nothing and no one." He sighs. "All of you are incredible, Korra, but I'm nothing special. I'm just a guy who was lucky enough to befriend special people. I don't really matter."

Korra's blue eyes blaze with an unfathomable intensity. "You do matter. Mako, you should have seen how everyone reacted when Kya told us there was nothing more she could do. Bolin was inconsolable, and that's the first time I've ever seen Kai cry."

"I know you'd all be sad for a while, but you'd move on," he mumbles. "You don't need me."

She stares at him incredulously. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

She shakes her head. "You're important to us, Mako. You're amazing in more ways than one — you're selfless and determined and dependable — and while we all travel around the world doing our jobs, we know you're here, in Republic City, doing what you do best, keeping it safe for us." She meets his gaze directly, earnestly, willing him to understand. "You're our safe harbour. You're home."

He sees the ocean in her eyes, and blinks away the sudden moisture in his own. He's not sure if he's willing to accept that statement just yet, but it means the world to hear it from Korra. He chooses not to comment, and Korra doesn't press on. Instead, proving once again how much she's matured, she waits patiently and quietly for him to recollect his thoughts.

"You said…you connected with my spiritual energy, but it was nearly gone?" She nods. "How did you bring me back?"

She gives him a knowing look. "I didn't. I just lent you some strength and showed you the way." She sobers for a moment. "If you'd really wanted to go, I wouldn't have made a difference. But you just needed a little help — we all do sometimes."

He stares at her, dumbfounded. "How did you know?"

"Because I've been there. I know what it feels like to think it isn't worth fighting anymore, isn't worth trying to get better. I know what it's like to suffer, to have no purpose and feel like it's never going to end. Like you're not important, and nobody needs you."

"But you healed."

"And so will you," she says firmly, grasping his hand. "Aang once told me that when we hit our lowest point, we're open to the greatest change. You were at your lowest, Mako — and you were open to a change. Now you have a chance to make that change count."

He sees truth shimmering in her eyes, and somehow, he believes her.

"Korra…thank you."

She smiles the smile he loves — the one he swears is reserved just for him (though he knows Asami probably gets it too) — the smile that curves her lips just right and makes her look shy but certain.

"I should let you get some rest," she says as she stands up and releases his hand. "Asami will be in first thing in the morning. She wanted to come with me, but she had a project to oversee tonight."

"How are you two doing?"

Korra beams. "Great, actually. I mean, the long-distance thing isn't fun, but we write letters and sometimes we meet up in the spirit world."

He gapes. It hadn't occurred to him that with a spirit portal in Republic City, Asami has a convenient shortcut to meet her girlfriend. Korra winks at him as she leaves.

As soon as she's gone, his cheer fades.

He believes Korra when she says he matters, that he can get better…but that still doesn't solve the question of how.

He's been trying — not very well perhaps — but trying nonetheless. Trying to find some meaning in the police work he used to adore, even when nothing they do seems to make a dent in the crime rate (there's always a new case, always, and he's getting sick of busting the same triads without end). Trying to find a way to be happy when the woman he loves is happy with someone else. Trying not to mess up in new ways, trying to firebend from his bad arm, trying to feel whole, to find something that makes his life worth living again. Trying without end.

Trying is hard.

When is he going to get to stop having to try? When is he going to get there?

You're alive. Don't give up. Try harder.

He tells the voice in his head (which sounds suspiciously like Kya's) to shush, but he knows it's right.

He's alive, and he should probably make the most of it.

A/N: I reckon I'll post the next chapter sometime in the middle of the week, around Wednesday or Thursday.

Also, just thought I'd reaffirm my commitment to Makorra - it WILL be endgame in this story, and it WILL show up officially well before the end so that we can all enjoy it longer - but it's gonna take a while still to get there. Mako still has issues to sort out and a long way to go before he's ready to be in a relationship with anyone, and I'd rather treat Korrasami as an actual relationship that matters for both parties (even if it doesn't last) than as a plot device to be broken up at the first opportunity. That doesn't do justice to either ship or any of the characters involved.

I eagerly await your reviews.