A/N: Hello again! Many thanks to Guest, MasterKriebel, EmmyB3, Sharpe, AsahixMe, BlackDragonMaster, IrishDreamer4, another CrazyPhenom, devilfiredog18, and Aquamirra for all the lovely, lovely reviews!
Ready for some Makorra goodness?
35. I need somewhere to begin
Korra insists on coming to him.
He would have been more than happy to come to Air Temple Island to meet her, but she is adamant that he needs to rest after being stabbed, even though she'd healed him. Given how she'd still looked decidedly concerned about him throughout the entire debrief, he agrees to stay home for her peace of mind. (He is also a bit unsteady from the blood loss, but that is beside the point.)
And so, that evening, the soft knock on his apartment door is expected. Korra stands outside, with two containers full of Pema's food and a takeout bag from Narook's.
"You haven't had dinner yet, right?"
"No." He reaches out to take a container off her, but stops at the scowl she flashes at him and backs off, hands up.
"Korra, I really am fine."
"Humour me," she retorts, holding all the food protectively.
Relenting, he lets her walk across his hallway unimpeded. She surveys his sparse apartment as she sets the food down on the dining table.
"Are you sure someone lives here?"
He shrugs. "I don't spend a lot of time here. Most of my stuff is in my bedroom."
"Even if you don't spend a lot of time here, you should still make it a home."
"I'll get around to it," he says vaguely. He's used to hearing similar comments from Bolin (who comes round at least three times a week when he's in the city, and whose own apartment is filled with knickknacks and memorabilia) — but this is Korra's first time here, and what he doesn't say is that her very presence makes it feel like home.
Then again, him not saying things has led to a lot of pain, and isn't that the exact reason Korra's here — to talk?
So he opens his mouth and clears his throat. "Korra…" He falters under her quizzical gaze and blurts out the rest before he can think better of it. "I feel like home wherever you are."
Damn, he is so bad at this.
Korra's face, however, softens with fondness. "Likewise, city boy. I've told you that before." She pushes him towards a dining chair. "Now sit, and eat, and then we'll talk."
He wonders if part of the reason she showed up with dinner (aside from the desire to make sure he eats) is because she, too, has no idea how or where to begin, and food is a delaying tactic as well as a safe topic.
"How are the dumplings?" she asks.
"Great," he says. "How's the soup?"
"Delicious, as always. Have you had Pema's fried tofu before?"
"Nope, first time. It's good."
"Right?"
And so on.
Eventually, though, all the food is eaten and the containers stand empty. He stands up on the pretext of refilling their water glasses, but Korra waves him back down and does it herself — by metalbending the tap open and bending the water straight into their cups without moving from her seat.
He raises an eyebrow as she bends the tap closed. "Was that really necessary?"
She looks a little sheepish, but still firm. "I don't think we should stall anymore."
"Right." He looks down at his water glass. "Korra, I don't know where to start…"
"I'll start." She takes a deep breath, and a sudden twinkle brightens her eyes. "Look, I really like you and I think we were meant for each other."
He laughs, a mixture of amused incredulity and warm relief. She joins in a second later, and the sounds of their combined mirth suffuses the atmosphere with nostalgia, camaraderie, hope.
As their laughter subsides, Korra turns earnest eyes on him and says with utter sincerity, "Mako, I meant it then, and I mean it even more now. I think the last few years have shown us something."
"The last few years have shown us a lot of things," he muses. "Which thing in particular are you talking about?"
She frowns, but acknowledges his point and clarifies, "You and me — somehow, we always find a way back to each other."
He thinks about their early days, the tension and confusion and trying to navigate a new friendship complicated by romantic mishaps; fighting Amon together, realising he loved her, kissing on the ice cliff in the South Pole. He thinks about their whirlwind romance — simultaneously euphoric and frustrating — and somehow remaining each other's best friends even after their final parting as a couple.
He thinks about the three years without her, how she hadn't written — but then she'd come back and they were able to pick up their friendship almost where they left off (after some teething problems). About how close he'd come to trying again, before Asami laid her claim — and how even then, they still maintained a remarkable connection.
He thinks about his year of hell, how she had saved him from himself after he'd withdrawn so far into the abyss he couldn't find his way out. Her steadfast love and care and support, even from halfway around the world.
He thinks about Zoya and Asami, how both relationships had been fulfilling in their own ways but ultimately couldn't hold a candle to what connects him and Korra. How he had tried his utmost to move on, to let her go — how she had grown with Asami — and yet, here they stand, once again with each other.
The last time they'd been in his apartment together, their quarrel had spelled the death knell in their relationship. Though it's not the same apartment, it seems fitting that they've now come full circle for their new beginning.
"Can we not?" he asks, frankly. Before she has time to misunderstand, he pushes on, "I don't want for us to keep finding our way back to each other. I want us to find our way and stay together, so we don't have to keep separating and coming back again. I can't do that again, Korra." Asami was right about that: he's been through this rigmarole thrice now, and the last time it just about destroyed him. He's not sure he'll survive a fourth time.
"I don't want that either," she concurs. "That's something else I've learned in the last two years — no one is ever going to match up to you. Not for me."
"And no one is ever going to match up to you," he returns. "But it takes more than that to make a relationship work. If we do this — when we do this," he corrects — because at this point they both know it's inevitable but for the issues they have to hash out first — "I need this to be right, Korra. And that means we need rules."
She wrinkles her nose. "Rules for our relationship?"
"Okay, 'rules' might not be the best word. I guess…expectations would be better." It's one of the first things Erin did with him — they both laid out their expectations of each other, so they could establish a reliable and trusting relationship as mind healer and client — and he figures it applies to romantic relationships too. "I think we both know better now about what we need in a partner."
Korra looks thoughtful. "True. Why don't you go first?"
She's letting him take the lead in this, he realises. She hadn't given him much of a say last time, either in how she wouldn't listen to his point of view or how they finally ended. Now, she is allowing him to speak first; that alone assuages some of his concerns, strengthens his belief that this time they will actually last the distance.
So, what does he want from their relationship this time round?
He thinks of Zoya.
"I need patience," he begins. "I've spent a lot of my life keeping a lot of things to myself, and even now, I'm not that great at expressing myself. And — mentally speaking — I'm not going to be the easiest person to deal with. I'll have bad days, when I'm being dispirited and closed off and a total pain — and I know it'll be frustrating for you, but I'll need you to not judge me for those days. You can — you should call me out, but I need you to do it without condemning me."
"Done," Korra asserts, "if you promise to be patient with me also." There is a knowing gleam in her eyes. "I have bad days, too."
He is shocked that he's never considered this before. He's so used to thinking of Korra as a powerful, courageous woman, who pushed through her pain and recovered completely, that he never stopped to think about whether she still struggles with her own past traumas. Knowing she endures the same trials he does makes him feel less like a pitiful outlier and further confirms his growing faith that she will be able to handle him at his worst. It's a reminder that they both know what it's like to be lost in their own mind — and perhaps that makes them the best people to understand how to be there for each other on the bad days.
He meets Korra's gaze in shared understanding and solemnly promises, "And I'll be there for you when they happen." With a wry twist of his mouth, he adds, "I'm on your side, Korra."
She snorts, but also cringes. "Okay. I deserve that." She sighs. "I don't think I ever apologised for that, so I'll say it now: I'm sorry for the whole 'sides' thing. It was stupid and immature and I couldn't see past my own emotions to look at things from your perspective. But I can do that now."
"I know. I'm counting on it," he says, making sure she knows this is another expectation he has. "Look, we're both stubborn, and we're not gonna agree with each other all the time. But at least we can listen, and try to understand each other."
"We're not always going to be able to understand as much as we'd like," she points out. "So here's something I need — no personal attacks. You can have a problem with the choice I made, but you can't make it out to be a personal failing."
He racks his brain to think of why this might be a particular issue for her to bring up. Perhaps it's the similar setting, but he is able to recall the exact words with perfect clarity.
"We-e-ell, excuse me, officer, don't let me stand in the way of you writing tickets! I'm just trying to save the world!"
"Well, you wouldn't have to if you didn't keep messing it up!"
"No personal attacks," he affirms. That insult had been below the belt and entirely untrue, but he knows what provoked it. "Korra, something that really hurt the last time was you…dismissing my job. I know being a cop doesn't compare to being the Avatar, but my job is important to me."
"And you're great at it." She smiles and grasps his hand. "Your job matters, Mako. I'll remember that."
He smiles back, feeling something shift into place as he slides his fingers between hers. This feels right.
"Anything else?"
"Nothing I can think of right now," he answers honestly. He's already addressed his major complaints. "But there might be more later."
"That's fine. Just promise you'll let me know what they are when you think of them." Her thumb starts tracing circles on the back of his hand. "I need you to be honest. Even when you think it'll hurt me. I'd rather deal with an ugly truth than a pretty lie that blows up in my face later."
"Deal."
"And…" She bites her lip. "Mako, I know I just said your job matters, and it does, but…mine is going to take precedence. You will always be a priority to me, and I'm going to do my damnedest to be on your side — but if I have to make a choice between you and the world…"
"The world wins every time. I get it. Wouldn't have it any other way." He is a cop; he understands duty. "As long as we both take time to make us work."
"We will," Korra vows. She's leaning closer now; her lips are close enough to kiss, if he would only move his face forward.
He doesn't. Neither does she.
They have grown.
Something occurs to him then, and he pulls back slightly. "Korra, do you know about Zoya…?"
Korra pulls back too. "I do know. I wouldn't have come if I didn't."
He hasn't said anything to her, and he knows Asami is keeping her distance for a while, so that only leaves…
"Bolin told you?"
Korra blushes lightly, which is adorable. "Yes. I talked to him the other day. I…wanted to get a feel for where you stood."
"You knew where I stood. I told you how I felt."
"But as far as I knew, you were still with Zoya," she reminds him. Something dark flickers across her expression. "Asami said you were happy with her."
"I was. But not in the way she wanted me to be."
Korra studies his face, and seems to come to a decision. "If I ever meet her, I'll have to thank her."
"For what?"
"Two reasons. One, she took care of you. Two, she's sort of the reason we're here right now." Korra looks a little self-conscious. "I shouldn't have been jealous of her, but I was. I kept trying to rationalise it to myself, because I certainly didn't have any claim on you…but it upset me. It wasn't fair…but it's what made me realise how much of me was still tied up — will always be tied up — with you." She exhales. "Asami knew it before I did, I think. When she broke up with me, she told me that I wouldn't be completely happy long-term with anyone but you."
"Funny, she said something similar to me," he says wryly.
Korra sighs then, and the sound is a little sad. "I feel bad for Asami."
"Me too." It's the only thing that mars the joy of finally getting his second chance with Korra. "You might owe Zoya, but we both owe Asami big time."
"I hope she can forgive us."
He recalls their conversation in the bar. "I think she will. And eventually the two of you will be able to be friends again." He smirks slightly. "But she will be pissed if we screw this up again."
That startles a light chuckle from Korra. "Well, I guess we have to make sure we don't screw up, then." She turns contemplative. "I know we're starting over — I mean, I guess we already have — but I feel like if we rush this, we'll make mistakes. So…let's not jump into it right away?" she suggests. "We can take it slow, figure it out carefully — we have time."
He meets Korra's eyes, stares deep into them — allows himself to be entranced by the water within until he almost imagines he can see his own amber gaze staring back at him, as if reflected from a smooth lake — and he smiles at the clarity in the water's depths.
He grips her hand more firmly in his.
"Slow sounds good," he agrees.
For once, time is on their side.
A/N: Thank God for Netflix, because I had to go trawling through all the Makorra content in Book 2 episodes to come up with the meat of the conversation here. Also, just to clarify in case anyone needs it: Mako's apartment in Book 2 was overtaken by spirit vines; he's been in this current one since the end of Book 3, so Korra hasn't seen it.
Oh, and if anyone thinks this conversation has shades of another Makorra heart-to-heart you've read before, I recycled a little bit of the dialogue from my oneshot TLOK fic Embers of the Past. Not because I couldn't come up with anything new, mind - but because those few particular lines are both poignant and very relevant for this scenario as well. Trust me, I tried a few different variations, and nothing clicked as much as what I had already written.
Today's song is 'Somewhere Only We Know' by Keane.
Next week will be more Makorra and another song analysis!