A/N: Happy Easter, everybody! May it herald a year of light and love and life!
Now here comes the mood whiplash - and I apologize in advance for the forthcoming rant - but I. Am. Annoyed. Greg (who claims not to be the same person as other reviewers with VERY SIMILAR comments) - and Kalibuk (who very suspiciously continues the SAME trend of immediately agreeing with a Korrasami shipper RIGHT before them in the comments) - I would greatly appreciate you NOT throwing around accusations of homophobia. Fanfiction reviews are not a place for political agendas, and all Raider did was calmly state that they would prefer if Asami were not in a same-sex relationship due to religious views - and then they go on to say that they can tolerate it. That is NOT homophobia. Homophobia, by definition, is an irrational prejudice or contempt for homosexuals, which manifests in hostile behaviour and/or violence on the basis of non-heterosexual orientation. Like it or not, not everyone is going to vocally agree with and actively campaign for same-sex relationships - and yes, religion plays a part in that - but not agreeing with something does not equal prejudice and discrimination. Many religious people are struggling with the dichotomy between religious values and current social trends - it is not an easy line to walk, especially when certain people insist on automatically attacking anyone who does not see things the same way they do.
It is extremely infuriating - and one of my personal peeves - when people disagree with a certain point of view and are instantly slapped with the label "[insert relevant term here]phobe". Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? People have lost the art of disagreeing respectfully; it seems like everyone must think EXACTLY like you or he/she is a horrible human being. I'm sorry, I don't subscribe to that view. People are not going to think the same; they are going to have their own opinions, and those opinions may or may not tally with yours, or may or may not follow societal trends - live with it. If you immediately become antagonistic because someone doesn't think like you, you close down the possibility of further discourse that could result in actual communication and mutual understanding. There is room for courteous disagreement as long as you're not infringing basic human rights - and I don't see that happening here. Are we hurting anybody? No. Are the Makorra shippers in the comments saying that Korra and Asami are despicable characters because they had a lesbian relationship? No. Are ANY of us saying gays should be suppressed second-class citizens? No.
Please get it through your head(s) - it is entirely possible to disagree with someone's lifestyle and/or choices without discriminating against them for it. Far too many people - yourself included, apparently - cannot seem to understand this concept. I dislike smoking - for health reasons - and prefer not to be too close to someone while they are smoking - does that make me a 'smokerphobe'? I will still be a smoker's friend if I like them, and I acknowledge that they have a right to smoke if they wish - just as I have a right to put some distance between myself and them when they are smoking. Likewise, people have a right to prefer a particular ship. You have a right to like Korrasami, we have a right to like Makorra. It is ALSO possible to prefer a heterosexual pairing WITHOUT being a homophobe.
And furthermore, I most definitely do NOT appreciate the insinuation that I am homophobic when I have said NOTHING - either in my author's notes or my story - to bash gay people or the Korrasami ship. When did I EVER say that Korra or Asami are 'broken' because they like girls, and when did I EVER say there's something wrong with being gay? Absolutely NO ONE here said that Korra or Asami had to be 'fixed'. Preferring Makorra - or heterosexual relationships in general - does not mean we are saying that gays don't have a right to love whom they want and make their own choices - because they totally do.
Believe me, if I wanted to bash Korrasami (which I don't - it's a decent ship, just not the one I prefer), I wouldn't have taken such pains to write a believable storyline that remains true to the characters' personalities and progresses naturally. Just because I am not loudly proclaiming Korrasami as the best ship on planet Earth does not mean I deny them as a valid, canonical ship. If I wanted to bash Korrasami, I would have gone to Korrasami forums and fanfics and started ranting about how Makorra is 'a thousand times better' and how people who prefer Korrasami are 'vile heterophobes'. But I don't, because that's not the kind of person I am, and people have a damn right to like the ship they want. There are gay ships I genuinely enjoy in other works, and the gender of the couples has absolutely diddly-squat to do with why I like them.
It is extremely narrow-minded of you to refuse to acknowledge that Korra can have a straight relationship after being in a gay one. Korra and Asami are CANONICALLY bisexual, and blindly bashing the FICTIONAL possibility of Korra getting back with Mako (whom she was CANONICALLY in love with once) is potentially biphobic.
Moreover, Greg and Kalibuk, if y'all not the same person as Wu Chan and Zunok and whoever, then there's an awful lot of hardcore Korrasami shippers reading a 57-chapter story that's CLEARLY labeled as Makorra endgame before you even click on the title - not to mention the impressive effort by multiple people to trawl through literally HUNDREDS of reviews to find pro-Korrasami reviewers to 'agree' with. OBVIOUSLY, I'm not writing this story for you - I'm sure y'all have better things to do with your time than to read a story you clearly do not like for the sake of leaving unintelligent comments - which, by the way, are not going to stop me from writing or other people from enjoying this fic. If you're reading this because you like other aspects of the plot and writing, I'd much prefer to read your comments and constructive criticism on those. If you're not reading for those reasons, why on earth are you still here? Kindly do not whine about the Makorra pairing; I gave you FAIR WARNING and you CHOSE to still read this anyway. That is not my fault; I am not REQUIRED to write a story that caters to you.
Now, I'm obviously not going to change your mind, and you're not going to change mine. It's been 57 chapters of this story and 30 plus since impolite Korrasami shippers started commenting - whether y'all are the same person or a collection of different people, you clearly don't have anything new to add and I will not have you insulting my readers. So, I know I've said this before, and for a time you decided to be quiet - before, for some unfathomable reason, you came back with a vengeance - but henceforth…Greg, Kalibuk, Wu Chan, Zunok, whoever you are - any further reviews along the same vein will be deleted without warning or any further acknowledgment. I already deleted some reviews the last time this matter blew up, but I didn't want to immediately resort to that again - but if y'all cannot keep your reviews civil, I will delete them. Your current reviews I will leave as evidence of why I'm taking this step, but I am not entertaining any others.
I would also like to request that my Makorra readers refrain from attacking the Korrasami shippers in the reviews. Feel free to disagree with their opinions and/or engage with the flaws in their arguments, but please do not use personal attacks or call them names. Let's not be as antagonistic as they are.
Whew, that was cathartic.
THANK YOU to MagatsuIza, Black Dragon Master, Sharpe, StevenBodner, FireLordAziz, Guest, Raider, AsahixMe (welcome back!), and devilfiredog18 for actual reviews. Sorry for the drama. Enjoy today's chapter!
Thanks to Robert for Easter wishes (I think that's what they are) - now, I'm waiting for the day you comment on the story itself.
58. Now there's no escaping the ghost 'cause I can't shake these midnight thoughts
The dreams come in fragments that all blur together.
"Run, Mako!"
The attack is sudden and searing. The body falls and someone screams. The sound continues ringing over the blinding fire spilling smoke over the ruins of their home. The night is overtaken with flame and tears.
"Bo, we need to go!"
Bolin's young, tearful face surfaces before it is snatched away by more fire.
The new face is also young, but older, with dark eyes and a nose that's slightly bent. He rages at it, burns the image until it morphs into another face: much older, surrounded by iron grey hair going white at the temples.
"What the hell do you call that?" Zolt shouts at him.
The triad leader snaps out two fingers, draws lightning from the air; he follows the current back to his own fingers, realises Zolt's cold eyes and sharp eyebrows are none other than his own.
"Mako, go!"
He runs, but trips. A menacing figure looms over him.
"You're the last one."
"We're all alone."
"Mako!"
The firestorm burns inward from the edges of his mindscape, blazing over black while his mother's voice screams.
He cries out as he jolts upright in bed, chest heaving and thoughts reeling. The darkness around him is unblemished by any scorching orange, merely dimly illuminated by the moonlight filtering through his bedroom window. His skin feels clammy when he presses the heels of his hands against his forehead, and tears prick behind his eyelids.
I can't do this alone.
He makes the decision to leave consciously, but he operates mainly on autopilot as he pulls on a pair of pants and a shirt and grabs his keys from the table by his front door.
The night outside is cool and fresh, and it restores enough sense of mind for him to drive his bike safely through the dark streets of the city. He parks right outside Korra's door and knocks rapidly enough to rouse the sleepy Avatar — in her pale blue tank top and sleep pants — from her slumber.
"Mako?"
One look at his pale face and shadowed eyes is all it takes for Korra to wake up fully. Without another word, she yanks him inside, shuts the door, and embraces him as tightly as she can. He buries his face into her shoulder, trying to forget the images burned into his brain. It's somewhat easier when he has Korra's warm, reassuring presence to hold on to — but even she cannot keep the past at bay tonight.
"What's wrong?" she asks behind his ear.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I'm sorry for barging in tonight, sorry I haven't been able to talk about it — I've just been putting it off because I didn't want to have to deal with it, but it keeps coming up and I can't —"
"Mako, shut up," Korra orders as she pulls away to look at him directly. "What's wrong?"
"My past," he states simply. "I'm…remembering things."
Korra frowns as she leads him towards the couch and makes him sit. "You say that like you didn't remember them before."
"I didn't." He sighs as he rubs a hand over his eyes. "I think I suppressed them, maybe — they didn't bother me before — not consciously, anyway — but ever since the Fire Nation, the memories won't leave me alone."
"What memories?"
"My parents." He braces himself. "The night they died."
In the silence that follows, Naga whines from somewhere in the apartment, and comes padding out from Korra's bedroom to investigate the disturbance. The polar bear dog spots him and comes over to lay her head on his lap; he pets her absently as Korra processes his words.
"Is that what's been bothering you the last few weeks?" Korra asks.
"Yes."
She settles herself next to him on the couch. "You ready to talk about it?"
There's a hopeful note in her voice, and he's reminded just how patient she's been.
"I love you," he says.
"I love you too." She says it like a question, as if she's not sure why he suddenly brought that up.
He tilts his head back and stares at the ceiling, keeping his hands moving through Naga's fur (it's strangely comforting). "I told you my parents were mugged, right?"
"Yeah. By a firebender, right?"
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure he was Agni Kai — but that's beside the point." He exhales. "I went out with Mom and Dad to Dad's shop to get something. I can't remember what it was that it couldn't wait till morning, and I can't remember why I went along. It's not important now. It was winter, so it was a cold night — we left Bolin at home because he had a flu and asked our neighbour to keep an eye on him.
"We took a shortcut through one of the smaller back streets — it was the same way Dad walked to work every morning, so we didn't think anything of it. Usually it's quite safe, but that night — I don't know, maybe the guy was scoping out the place or something, or we stumbled into something we weren't supposed to — he took us by surprise when he attacked."
His fingers clench into fists around Naga's fur; the polar bear dog grunts in complaint and he loosens his grip.
"Dad died first. He didn't have a chance to even do anything. There was fire, and he was just…gone."
Korra keeps silent and he appreciates that, because this is very hard to talk about and he would probably latch on to anything she said to avoid continuing with the next bit.
"Mom put up a fight. She jumped in front of me and told me to run. She was firebending, but she wasn't as good as she usually was — she didn't have space, and Dad's…corpse…was right there…" He inhales a shuddering breath. "There was once — when she got the Agni Kai down — she turned to me and yelled at me to go — and he got her." He closes his eyes. "I was just frozen, I couldn't move — he turned to me, and I remembered Bolin — and then I ran. He came after me, so I cut through some alleys to lose him — but I couldn't be sure he wasn't still chasing me — I ran home and grabbed Bo and got the hell out of the house."
Naga whimpers at his distress and licks his knee. He composes himself with effort to finish the tale.
"We…went back to the house later, when I thought it was safe. But…it was on fire."
"It was on fire?" Korra is aghast. Seriously, what are the odds that his parents were murdered and then his house caught fire on the same night?
He shrugs listlessly. "It could've been an accident, but I doubt it. I think the Agni Kai thought I was inside and decided to just burn the place down. Tie up loose ends, you know?"
"You were just a kid!" Korra exclaims. "What did he think you were going to do?"
"That's how triads work, Korra," he says tiredly. "They clean up after themselves. They can buy their way out of trouble with the cops sometimes, but it's a lot harder to do that if there's an eyewitness to a crime as serious as murder. I wasn't going to go to the police — they would've separated me and Bo and I wasn't gonna let that happen — but he didn't know that."
"So he burned down your house?!"
"Yeah." He'd done that for the Triple Threats a couple of times, even — but he'd made damn sure no one was inside on those occasions. Working for the triad may have forced him do many things he's ashamed of, but at least he never killed anyone for them.
Korra gapes at him, clearly wondering how he's accepted the arson of his home so nonchalantly (really, it pales in comparison to how he lost his parents).
"Anyway," he interjects, wanting to move on, "we didn't have a home or parents anymore, so we had no choice but the streets."
"Oh, Mako." She flings herself around him and squeezes him tightly — and it does ease some, if not all, of his jumbled emotions.
He senses there's something she wants to say, though. "What is it, Korra?"
She pulls back almost apologetically, her face tentative. "Your story…it doesn't sound like an actual mugging."
"I know," he admits. "He wasn't actually trying to rob us, I don't think. I just say we were mugged because it's the easiest way to explain it without having to explain anything." He sighs. "Also, I didn't really remember — didn't want to remember — the details of that night until they started resurfacing bit by bit over the past month."
"Something triggered them?" Korra guesses.
"Yeah. The Fire Nation."
"How come?"
He's quiet for a while as he thinks through it. Naga nudges him; he realises he's stopped petting her and resumes the task.
"I think it's because I've always associated Mom with anything Fire Nation," he muses. "Because, for the longest time, that's all I knew about her past — that she came from the Fire Nation. Going there, being surrounded by where she grew up — learning who she was and where she came from — talking about her with Natsumi and Sulanna…it brought up a lot of memories. Things I didn't even know I remembered. Including how she died." He wipes away the moisture gathered at the corners of his eyes and looks at Korra. "Do you remember that long talk I had with Zuko in the courtyard?"
Korra nods.
"We were talking about firebending. He said — Lord Zuko said — I was 'exceptionally skilled', and a 'gifted lightningbender'."
"You are."
"He also said I'm not as powerful as I should be."
Korra cants her head quizzically. "What does he mean by that?"
"Mom trained me well; my bending forms are perfect, according to Zuko. And because of that, my fire should be more powerful than it is — maybe close to Iroh's level."
Comprehension dawns on Korra's face. "But it's not — because you're holding back. Because of what happened to your parents," she realises.
He nods. "After that night, I hated fire, and I hated being a firebender. I didn't want anything to do with firebending again; I swore I wouldn't ever use it." He hangs his head. "But it was winter, and Bolin was sick, and we were cold…and I had to. My fire was the only thing that got us through that first winter. In my head, I knew it was a good thing for us that I was a firebender, but every time I bent us a fire I would remember…and it was hard." He pauses. "I think that's why I started repressing the memories — we needed fire, and I couldn't use it if I kept remembering how it'd killed Mom and Dad. I had to push it aside to take care of Bolin. Then there was the stuff the Triple Threats made me do…"
"Not just running numbers, huh?" Korra remarks, confirming his suspicion that she knows he did more than that.
"No," he admits. "The tasks varied — scorch some walls, burn some things, put the fear of fire in some people — once, Zolt made me brand someone as punishment for snitching." He talks dispassionately, in a flat tone — it helps to give him the distance required to get through his sins without breaking down. "I'm pretty sure he taught me lightningbending so I could eventually use it in service of the Triad — thank Agni, I never actually had to." He shudders. "He liked to shock people who displeased him; lightning was also a favourite execution method of his," he says with distaste. "Zolt taught me control and accuracy — and I honestly think he would've made me his hitman if I hadn't gotten out when I did."
"Mako…"
"I'm not proud of it," he says earnestly. "I hate that I did those things. But at that time, I didn't see that I had a choice. We needed the money, and…that was the only way we had back then." He smiles mirthlessly. "So, you see, I have a complicated relationship with my own element. Fire helped me and Bolin survive on the streets — but I've also done a lot of pretty bad things with it." He lifts one hand off Naga and lights a small flame in his palm. "It's my most tangible connection to Mom, but it's also the same thing that took her from me." He closes his hand, extinguishing the fire, and glances bleakly at Korra. "I hated what I was for a long time."
She looks steadily back at him. "What changed?"
"Pro-bending." There is the ghost of a real smile now. "For the first time since my parents died, I could use the fire for something other than burning things and keeping warm. Training under Toza and competing in the arena helped me remember that there was so much more that fire could do." Now he does smile genuinely, softly. "And then you came along, and I started doing actual good with my bending — helping people, instead of harming them. You've no idea how much that helped, what that meant to me. You changed my life, Korra."
She kisses him, because there are no words that need to be said to that. His hands move from Naga's head to Korra's, and he thanks Agni for the umpteenth time that Korra crashed into his life.
When they break apart, Korra is still solemn. "Now I get it."
He's puzzled. "Get what?"
"Zuko said something very cryptic to me, before we left the Fire Nation. He told me the strongest fires come from renewed souls, but can only burn brightest after their impurities are refined. And then he nodded towards you."
"Zuko seems…keen for me to fulfil my potential," he comments.
Korra shrugs. "Maybe he sees himself in you."
There's a humbling thought. If he can someday be even half the man Zuko is, he'll consider it a great achievement.
"Mako…I'm happy that you're finally able to talk to me about your parents and your issues with firebending — but I think you should also talk to Erin."
He nods. "I'm going to. I already made an appointment for tomorrow — well, today, I guess. Later." He huffs. "I just…need to not be alone tonight."
Korra smiles softly. "Well, you came to the right place." She extends a hand to him and stands up. "Come on."
He follows her into her bedroom, with Naga padding along behind them. He hesitates when she sits on the double bed, but when she beckons to him, he sheds his reluctance and joins her. They wriggle under the covers while Naga settles at the foot of the bed. Korra rolls into his embrace, resting her head in the hollow between his shoulder and his chest, and he curls his arms around her and pillows his chin on the top of her hair.
They'd never gotten to this stage in their first relationship (Korra living on Air Temple Island under Tenzin's watch didn't exactly allow for this kind of intimacy), and this would be the first night they've spent together in their current one — but it feels right.
Korra presses a kiss on his hand resting on her shoulder. "Goodnight, city boy."
"Goodnight, Korra."
He drifts off to sleep quickly with Korra beside him, and does not dream.
A/N: Here's an interesting treasure hunt for you while you wait for next week's update - go see if you can spot when and how I started alluding to this particular issue of Mako's. Hint: it started in the Fire Nation.
Yes, I took my own spin on Mako's parents' deaths - because I want to make him less like Batman and more like Mako - and for me, Mako's history is heavily influenced by and intrinsically tied to triads.
Lyric from 'Midnight Thoughts' by Set It Off, who join Pentatonix as triple-feature artists in this story.