A/N- This chapter contains references to sexual abuse. Please consider this when you decide to read.

Thank you to my beta Dollybigmomma, and to my new and unofficial beta my sister! She won't tell me her account information and I respect her endlessly for it!

Thank you also to those of you who review. In the past few weeks I haven't felt like writing, and your words remind me why I love it.

Bella

Monday morning, when Bella sat behind the wheel of her truck, she was rudely reminded of the punishment she had received that weekend. Present in her body finally, she was flooded with the thoughts and memories she'd been desperately holding off.

"Your father must be pretty confident that you won't misuse this car," Phil had said to her in that warning tone. Not a warning that was urging her to avoid the danger, but one that meant it was already on the way, and all Bella could do was prepare. But she hadn't been able to prepare for what had come next.

Bella had felt the intense disgust and self-loathing that always accompanied those kinds of lessons. She had hoped she would be free of them until Thanksgiving, when she was next supposed to go back to Phoenix. She was so hoping the distance would at least save her from that, but of course, Phil had found a way.

The last time she'd had a break that long was the last time Renee had been unemployed and was able to pay more attention to everything Phil had done. It had been one of the longer breaks, nearly a month. It wasn't like Renee didn't know it was happening, but Bella thought Renee didn't know the extent, or the frequency. She hoped her mother didn't know.

When Renee had gotten the first hint of Phil giving Bella that sort of attention, Renee had become furious in a way she hadn't let herself be in years. For a moment, Bella had thought her mom was back, that the woman Phil had made sure to bury had finally reared her head.

For a moment, Phil saw it too. It made him pause. Bella would never forget that moment. The look in his eyes was so calculating, but in them Bella saw the smallest hint of something she never would have expected: fear. But after it, as always, any and all emotion in Phil was replaced with absolute rage.

That night, his wrath nearly shook the house, and Renee wasn't able to leave the house for days afterwards, but he didn't touch Bella…for a while, anyway.

It was just a part of Bella and Renee's reality. After the very first time, he had waited a long time to even beat her. A part of her was hoping it was just a nightmare, a sick, disgusting nightmare Bella had concocted in her fear. Bella hadn't even been aware that there was a line he was avoiding until he trampled it. That was normal for him, though. When he crossed a line, he destroyed it, acting as though there had never been a time where it hadn't been part of their lives, whether it was yelling at Bella, hitting her, calling her names, anything.

It had been different that time. Each night afterwards, Bella found herself waiting, barely sleeping. But night after night, he skipped over her room. Bella almost thought it hadn't happened, or maybe Phil regretted it. She found herself letting her guard down…until it happened again. Renee had been gone for work, and Phil started to teach Bella more. About her wickedness, about how he was helping her. But most importantly, he taught Bella about how she deserved it.

He told her that she was a bad person, evil down to her core. She was tempting people, and her evil ways let everyone know that she the perfect candidate to get their frustrations out on.

Then, in the cab of her truck, she had a thought: If she was the cause, she had to have some level of control, right?

Ok, so maybe her wickedness was inside of her and she couldnt be rid of it, but could she disguise it? Or dim it? But she had tried to be good, and it didnt help her any.

She would figure out how to live this life. There had to be a way. Other girls did it. Even if she was especially evil, there had to be others, there had to be another way to live. There had to be a way Bella could live, not just survive. She didn't know how she would find it, but she would. Though she had spent years trying, there was a renewed determination in her.

If she couldnt take away the cause, she could remove herself from the problem. Go somewhere free from others, be alone. Even if she had to move into a cabin in the woods, grow her own food, wash her clothes in a stream, and never speak to another human again, she would be free of the threat. Yes, she would be lonely…maybe to the point of insanity. But she wouldn't be in danger by tempting men, and she wouldn't be tainting other women, forcing them to suffer a life like hers.

As Bella drove to school, she fantasized about her life in the woods. She would have no one to hurt by her presence. Wasn't that exactly what a good girl would want to do? She would have all the time in the world to read her books. She would finally return to the forests that had given her so much unfiltered joy as a child. She would have to learn how to preserve food, but that would be fine. Maybe she could get a dog, learn how to weave. The Quileutes had figured out how to survive the harsh winters, maybe she could too.

Bella arrived at school and put her thoughts on the backburner, as she avoided hitting students who were too absorbed in their phones to notice her behemoth of a truck. She parked after navigating around them and began her walk into the school, taking slow, deep breaths.

Maybe I could have a chicken. I don't know if I'd have the heart to kill them, but the eggs would be nice.

From somewhere in the parking lot, a man shouted, "Yo, Cullen!" and she was quickly reminded of the biggest hurdle in her plan. Bella was nearly frozen in place.

The Cullens. She hadn't thought about them yet today, and they hadn't been factored into her determination to be good. They would make things a lot harder. In fact, she didn't know if she could do it with them around. There was already a part of her yearning for more interaction, and since she'd already had that wonderful connection with the Cullens, the temptation was all the harder to resist.

There was too much of her that missed them, missed the Bella she had been when she was their friend. Back then, Bella didn't know she was evil, she didn't have to second guess her every word, her every movement, just in case. But Bella had changed, and so had her old friends. It wouldn't be the same as back then, and she couldn't let herself think otherwise.

The temptation would be hard to avoid, but she had to face it. She wanted to run from it, to give herself time to think, or even just run away completely. She was flinging herself into the lion's den, for no reason other than avoiding truancy. Bella knew the consequences, should Phil find out. But she didn't know the consequences should Charlie find out, so she stayed.

Be a good girl. Be a good girl.

However, she also knew the consequence should Phil find out she was being rude. If they tried to talk to her… Bella didn't know a polite way to brush them off if they tried to act familiar. Especially Edward…

Idiot. Like he or anyone would care to talk to you again. They stopped talking to you for a reason. Remember what Phil said, it was good that we stopped talking, because Edward was about to expect more.

Bella walked cautiously to her English class. She tried to avoid looking at anyone in case she made eye contact with one of them, but she didn't let her head dip down too low either. Bumping into someone would be just about the last thing she could deal with right now, and who knew if she would freak out again. Where would she go then?

Maybe two chickens in the forest. I'd need to learn to dry wood. I'd need to gain enough muscle to cut the wood…

Bella sat down in her spot gingerly, worried that any movement too fast would draw attention. She didn't know if she had one of them in her class, but she didn't want to risk it. Dr. Carlisle and Esme were so kind and open, who knew how big their family would be by now? They could have amassed their own personal army. No one with that name could be trusted, just in case.

No one can be trusted, idiot. No one at all, you should know that by now.

Just then, Edward entered the classroom, and Bella's heart couldn't decide between soaring and sinking. He was so different, of course he was. They had been children the last time they'd seen each other, and puberty had changed him externally, and likely internally as well.

Edward was bigger now, of course. He had muscle that was obvious through his shirt, but he wasn't huge like some men. His face had slimmed, showing off bone structure that belonged in a painting.

But God, that hair. His hair hadn't changed at all, outside of the length. The odd shade of it was hard to categorize. He wasn't a redhead, but to call him a brunette wouldn't be true either. Strawberry blond was far too light. He was in a category of his own. And it was messy, the way it had always been. When he was younger, he couldn't go more than an hour without running a hand through it. Emmett had joked that Edward was checking to make sure it was still there.

Apparently, he hadn't learned to trust it to stay put.

As he moved to his seat behind Bella, their eyes met. Those green eyes trapped her. She wanted to curse herself. She wanted to turn away, but his gaze was so familiar, and warm. It nearly brought Bella back to a time of childhood laughter and safety.

His eyes seemed sad, concerned, and…yearning. That was what gave Bella the strength to pull her gaze from his. She quickly looked down at her book, pretending she had to read the text, though she knew exactly what it said by now.

What was he yearning for? It certainly wasn't Bella's friendship. Maybe he had already sensed that part of her that made her a target. Maybe he wanted to act on the urges he had all those years ago.

As class began, all she could think was that he was behind her, and she couldn't bring herself to turn and see where exactly he was. She could barely pay attention, until she heard the teacher say, "Yes, Edward?"

He started speaking, saying something Bella couldn't really comprehend. She was too absorbed by the sound of it. His voice had always been gentle, most of the time anyway, but age had lowered the pitch significantly, leaving the sound rich, and velvety soft. It wasn't the harsh, low booming Bella was used to from angry men, ones with authority. Instead, it was low, lower than many of the other boys their age, and…so gentle. His tone wasn't coaxing, but soothing. His words wrapped around her, caressed her. Had she been more naive, it might have worked on her.

If Phil hadn't taught her better, she could have fallen for Edward's voice. It was much too inviting to be safe.. Edward would have pounced while her guard was down. Men who seemed kind and unthreatening were even more dangerous than the average man. At least the ones like Phil were honest with their intentions. A "kind" man like Edward would lull her into a false sense of safety.

She spent the rest of the period furiously reminding herself of the sins of men, springing up the moment the bell rang, escaping into the hallway.

In her Spanish class, she found herself scanning the nearly full classroom, despite her goal of acting unaffected. Bella's eyes landed on a person who had to be Alice Cullen. Her hair was short now, and of course, she was older, but she hadn't really changed. She looked to be no more than five feet tall, and she had the same easy smile and sharp features.

Thankfully, Alice wasn't looking back at her, and Bella looked down quickly before her one stroke of luck could change. She started making her way towards her usual seat on the far side of the room before someone shoved past Bella, her every muscle locking up, and they took her spot. Bella carefully made sure to not change the expression on her face, despite her annoyance.

That left her with the very last spot in the classroom, the one in the very back, next to Alice.

My luck can never stay good for longer than a second or two, huh?

Bella sat down next to Alice without a fuss, trying her best to act as though Alice was any other student in the classroom, not someone who had been a pseudo sister to her for years.

…

Bella was eight years old. It was her first summer back in Forks. Charlie was working his first weekend shift since she'd come home, and now that her mom wasn't around to care for her, she needed somewhere to be. Luckily, Esme, always one to lend a hand, offered to take Bella for the whole weekend. Esme and Charlie framed it as some incredible sleepover, and that was exactly how it felt.

It was before the Cullens had started fostering Rosalie and Jasper. That was when things had gotten tense. It was before Phil was anything other than her mom's husband and her stepfather. It was back when the worst thing in Bella's life was the distance between Phoenix and Forks.

Alice, Emmet, Edward, and Bella played all day, and worked as hard as they could to stay up late into the night. Edward and Bella, while enjoying themselves, were a bit overwhelmed by the exuberance of the other two. They kept trying to sneak off, but of course, Alice and Emmett wouldn't let them. Emmett kept insisting that he couldn't roughhouse with Alice, who was only seven years old to his nine. For a while, Alice kept insisting that not only could they roughhouse, but she could take him. Eventually, Alice decided she wanted to be rid of the boys all together.

"Eddie, Emmy, leave me and Bella alone!" Alice shouted in a voice far more serious than the average seven-year-old could muster.

Edward, of course, was opposed to this, all of this. Not just being bossed around by his younger sister, or being called "Eddie," a nickname he had never identified with, but being banned from his best friend.

"Alice, you can't just take Bella, maybe she doesn't want to hang out with you!" Alice turned to Bella quickly, her face full of hurt and rejection, as though Bella had said the words herself.

"Of course, I want to hang out with you!" Bella insisted, trying to fix the hurt look in Alice's eyes.

They were young enough that they weren't really talking to each other during the school year when Bella was in Phoenix. Every once in a while, Renee would call Esme so Edward and Bella would talk to each other for a bit, but that wasn't enough, especially at that age.

Alice was like a sister to Bella. A younger sister who pestered her, but a sister, nonetheless. She let Alice drag her up to the younger girl's room, and Alice slammed the door behind them, giving them an illusion of privacy.

They sat on Alice's bed, and the managung girl insisted on playing with Bella's hair. The texture of Alice's hair was such that if it was too much longer than her ears, it would work its way into snarls so stubborn, and so complicated, that her shouts could be heard across the house, as Esme worked to carefully brush through them.

Her fingers combed through Bella's hair, which the younger girl had pulled free from her ponytail.

"I wish I could have hair like this, yours is so nice." Bella had heard this from her before. Alice always hated how Bella kept her hair up all the time. She wished Bella would leave it down, but the older girl preferred to keep it out of her way. Bella wouldn't have minded having hair as short as Alice's, since she usually considered her own a nuisance. If the world was a just place, the two young girls would have traded. Bella would have had hair that was unmanageable, and therefore kept short, and Alice would have Bella's long, tamable hair, perfect for playing with.

Alice chatted at her friend mindlessly as she worked, her little fingers occasionally stumbling over Bella's long hair, causing a tangle that she had to brush out. The younger girl was looking at a magazine, carefully trying to copy the intricate do of the model.

"Edward is always hogging you, it's not fair! The other girls at school think I'm weird, and they won't play with me. I need you, Bella. I wish you hadn't moved away, when are you going to move back? I love my brothers, but I need a sister like you, and I can't only have a sister in the summer. I mean, who's heard of that?" As Alice chatted, Bella felt so comfortable, besides the sharp tugging on her hair, of course.

As Alice finished up, Bella heard the garage door opening downstairs, signifying Carlisle's arrival from the hospital. Alice clapped her hands a few times, clearly pleased with her work, and physically turned Bella towards her mirror.

Had the two been older, they might have noticed the lumpy, uneven braids, and the numerous flyaway hairs that were sticking out all over Bella's head. But they were kids. So, in the reflection, Bella saw what she could only imagine to be the hairstyle of a princess. A princess during the middle of her movie, while she was living in the forest with woodland creatures, or perhaps small men, but a princess anyway.

Bella got up and moved closer to the mirror. She had yet to learn to hate her reflection, and everything it stood for. She was innocent, and felt for the very first time…beautiful. From behind her, Alice smiled, her eyes all alight with joy in her work, and her friend's reaction to it.

Apparently, waiting as long as she could, Alice grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her out of the room, chattering about how excited she was to show everyone. Bella followed dutifully, partially due to her inability to make it out of her grip, and partially due to her shy excitement at wanting to show everyone, too.

When the young girls arrived in the living room, Alice urged Bella to stay in the hallway, while she got everyone's attention.

"Ahem!" Alice was using the tone of voice she used when she meant business, and it must've worked because the other chatter stopped. "Ladies and gentlemen, Bella!"

Bella took that as her cue and entered the living room. Everyone dutifully oohed and ahhed, and Esme came closer to inspect Alice's work, Carlisle shadowing her. The boys could only muster so much enthusiasm for hair, but Carlisle and Esme told Bella how lovely she was, and how wonderful Alice's work was.

Bella found herself blushing, pleased, but overwhelmed by all the positive attention. For the rest of the evening, Bella felt so lovely she could have been floating. Alice felt nearly the same satisfaction, claiming credit at every slight compliment.

That weekend, she felt like the school year she'd spent in Phoenix was nearly nothing. Bella jumped right back into her place among the Cullens. She was at peace, and she was home.

It was such a lovely time in Bella's life. She guessed age played the biggest part in that. She didn't know better. She didn't hear the danger when Alice said Edward was hogging the young Bella. She had so few worries in her life. The evil had yet to touch her, or at least, had yet to show itself. The boys around Bella were the same, innocent, for the time being.

…

Bella had a sinking suspicion that she would not be able to learn a thing this class period. Alice had always been too…cheerful…to let a moment of silence stay.

She was immediately proven correct when she heard a soft, "Hi, Bella!" from beside her. She took a deep breath, trying desperately to come up with the right strategy. Even talking to Alice could put Bella in Edward's path again, and if he turned his rage on Bella, it would hurt so much more than getting it from Phil. It wasn't worth it. Bella couldn't talk to her, she-

"Bella?" Alice prompted again, and Bella turned, resigning herself to talking to her old best friend, since she seemed to want to so badly.

"Hi, Alice." Bella gave a small, closed mouth smile. Polite. Noncommittal. Of course, Alice beamed in return, a smile so radiant Bella almost felt it warming her, pulling a real smile from her. Almost.

"Bella, I can't believe you're back! It's been forever, I'm so happy you're here again!" Alice was nearly vibrating with…glee? She must have been reading Alice wrong. Bella was sure the girl was just jittery, maybe she was drinking coffee these days. Lots of coffee.

"How have you been? How are you liking it back? I'll bet Charlie missed you, we all did-"

At that moment, the teacher called the class to attention, singling out Alice.

Thankfully, Alice took Senorita Goff's warning seriously, and only commented sparingly. Bella found herself carefully and politely ignoring Alice's chatter. At least, she hoped it was polite. Alice luckily picked up on Bella's resistance and let the class go on without much more comment.

When class ended, Bella found the exuberant girl shadowing her, talking about what had happened since Bella was last in town. Which meant Alice spoke endlessly, because of course, Bella had missed everything.

Luckily, she didn't ask anything back from Bella, taking her silent nods in stride.

"So, and I know this is going to sound really weird, but remember that none of us are really related, so it's not that big of a deal, but I'm dating Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie are dating. Isn't that crazy? Mom and Dad are kind of more strict now because of it, but who wouldn't want to be able to see your significant other all the time? Right? Oh, and I make clothes now, so if you're here for prom, I'd love to make your dress. You'll be here for prom, right? How long are you going to be here?"

When her questions finally stopped, Bella realized they had made their way to the biology room and were standing right outside. Alice was looking at Bella expectantly, waiting for an answer. She was overwhelmed by the girl's attention and questions, and found herself struggling to respond.

"I…uh, I don't really know how long I'll be here, I don't really know what else to say." Luckily, the clock was ticking, and Alice needed to go.

All she said was, "Well, I hope you're here for good, I hope that's not selfish!" and, as though she didn't want to give herself the chance to second guess, she threw herself at Bella.

Bella knew it was a hug, Alice had always been a hugger, and maybe normal people would have expected a hug in a moment like this. But all Bella could do was panic.

Bella had never been hit by a girl, and seeing both of Alice's small arms flung out, Bella knew she was intending to give her a hug. However, she couldn't stop her body from recoiling from the touch. Bella flinched back so violently, she felt her back hitting the wall behind her, hard.

Alice's face dropped, and Bella saw Alice eye her up and down for a moment. Bella could nearly see herself reflected in the younger girl's eyes. She couldn't help but imagine what Alice saw. A broken girl, cowering from someone who had once been a friend, cowering from an innocent hug.

Bella couldn't hide her reaction, but luckily, Alice managed to hide hers, a smile returning to her face, though with notably less enthusiasm than before. "Well, have a good class period!" and Alice darted away down the hall. There was something in Bella that felt lost, watching her disappear in the crowd of students.

But she didn't let herself dwell on it. Instead, she shook off her tension and entered the biology classroom, preparing to face the biggest complication she would have to withstand: Edward.