A/N- This chapter contains references to physical and emotional abuse and manipulation. Please consider this when deciding to.

Thanks as always to Dollybigmomma and my sister for reading ahead and helping make my nonsense into slightly better nonsense!

Bella

Bella entered her biology class, her breath held, waiting for her eyes to meet with a man from whom she expected nothing but torment. Instead, they landed on Edward.

Just Edward.

After a short but in-depth examination of his face earlier that morning, her anxiety had made him into a type of villain. Bella had imagined that he would be looking at her cruelly, his lips twisted into a harsh grin, and a glint of evil in those green eyes. Instead, Edward was looking down at something in the notebook in front of him, and she could see his face was tilted slightly.

Bella couldn't see his eyes, as he was bent over his notebook. There was a furrowing of his brow that Edward had always worn when he was anxious or thinking hard. There was a sort of comfort to see something familiar from her childhood.

The feeling sent chills through her body, and she tried to shut down that false sense of comfort.

That was what he wanted: for her to get comfortable and let her guard down. But there was a part of her, no matter how hard she tried to stomp it down, that felt drawn to that small wrinkle, a vestige of the young boy she used to love.

Bella walked towards Edward, her hackles rising with each step. He looked up at her, and she forced herself to sit down next to him anyway. She avoided his gaze, which seemed locked on her, instead giving her chair and then her bag all her attention.

That's always how Phil looks when he's figuring out what to do to her.

Still feeling his piercing eyes on her, she pulled her book and notebook out of her bag, flipping to a blank page.

Her heart was racing, and her mouth was dry. There was no way Edward couldn't hear it pounding in her hollow chest. Bella took slow and deep breaths as quietly as she could.

What was wrong with her? She knew showing signs of fear was one of the most dangerous things she could do. She was a deer, frozen in the headlights of an approaching car. Only, unlike the deer, she wasn't watching the danger come towards her. She was foolishly looking away, as though pretending she couldn't see the danger meant that it couldn't see her.

Bella wished she could have that cottage in the forest already.

As she took her deep breaths, there was a scent she became aware of. She couldn't name it, any part of it. It was maybe a mix of shampoo, deodorant, and laundry detergent, something that wasnt naturally occuring. It wasn't overpowering, like when someone doused themselves in body spray after gym class in lieu of a shower. It was subtle, and undoubtedly masculine.

It was Edward. She knew it was. It caused a war inside of her. Maybe if she were a normal girl, she could have just appreciated it, maybe even found herself attracted to it, but instead, she pictured it as a trap. One she was refusing to fall into.

All throughout class, she found herself focusing intently on Mr. Molina, before catching another whiff and cursing herself. As the end of the class approached, the teacher told them that tomorrow they would be doing a lab and working with their partners.

Bella internally chanted to herself all the reasons why it would be okay, and how she would be able to control the situation, when from beside her, she felt Edward lean close to her. She froze, expecting the worst, but all she heard was a hushed, "Looks like we're going to be working together, partner."

Then, the bell rang, and Bella was too flustered to immediately bolt out the door. She stuffed her things in her bag and tried to escape the biology class, but the swell of students was already bottlenecking at the door. There was a constant, blurry awareness that she had of Edward. He hadn't packed up as quickly as she had, seeming to really take his time. She gritted her teeth, as she forced herself to keep her back to him.

Not here. He can't get you here. In public, you're safe, she kept reminding herself, as she made her way slowly through the doorway.

Bella was a bit more aggressive than normal, moving into the spots she would normally wait for others to fill. When she thought she was finally home free in the hallway, Alice was already waiting for her. Bella needed a break. She wanted to be good, but these Cullens were pushing her limits.

Alice was acting normal, but Bella could see something different in her expression, different from how Alice had looked at her just an hour ago. It was like something she'd noticed in some hospital staff when she had ended up there after a punishment. They knew Bella deserved it; she could tell. They avoided looking her in the eye, too disgusted by her presence.

Alice was finally seeing Bella for what she was: rotten. No doubt, she would go spread the news. Bella's almost-friends would leave her, but she would finally be rid of the hardest part of Forks: the chance of having the Cullens in her life again, and the risk of getting it wrong.

Bella felt a small, dark part of her reaching out. It wasn't like the two were friends again, like when they were kids, but she didn't expect that the thought of them hating her would hurt so much. The splintering beginning in her heart proved her wrong. She hadn't known she was still holding onto hope, but as she was facing that last chance, she felt nearly breathless with the sudden desperation to stay in the state of limbo that would let hope remain.

But Alice didn't acknowledge Bella's wickedness. She didn't make excuses to be rid of her, or even ignore her. Instead, Alice began marching them to the cafeteria, picking up the chatter where she had last left off. Bella wasn't sure why she wanted to pretend everything was fine, but she guessed it was the preferable outcome. The cracks in Bella's heart began closing slowly, still waiting for the moment when she would lose it all.

She again let Alice fill the conversation, which she was all too happy to do by herself. Bella tried to get rid of that sudden desperate feeling, but she noticed Edward had fallen into step behind them, and the desperation turned into a panicky feeling of being chased, despite the near standstill pace.

He isn't following you; he's just walking to the same place. You haven't done anything to provoke him, and since he hasn't acted yet, there's no real reason he'd start now. Right?

Of course, he would be going in the same direction as the two girls. The Cullens all sat together, even if he wasn't intentionally following Bella, he would take the same path.

Despite Alice's casual chatter, and the crowd pushing at their backs, the feeling of Edward "following" her made her jumpy. As they entered the cafeteria, Alice and Edward made their way toward the table that seemed reserved for them, and Alice only stopped when Bella managed to unhook their arms.

"Bella? Aren't you going to sit with us?" Alice asked, and Bella found herself frozen. She didn't know what to say, or how to go about it, all she knew was that she couldn't sit with Alice, much less with the rest of them.

Even if Edward wasn't sitting with them, there would still be Emmett and Jasper, though Rosalie and Alice alone would be far, far too much.

Then, as though she was sent by her namesake, Angela appeared beside Bella, laying a gentle hand on her arm. When Bella turned to look at her, the look Angela gave her told Bella she knew what was going through the panicked girl's mind, and exactly how to help.

"Hey, Bella, Jessica and I need to talk to you, c'mon!" She said it cheerfully, but in a way that left no room for argument.

Bella turned back to Alice and Edward, feigning being apologetic. "Sorry, I already agreed to sit with them." But before she had to find anything else to say, Angela hooked her arm through Bella's and whisked her away.

She let out a hushed, "Sorry if you wanted to sit with them, you just looked a bit panicked."

Bella started shaking her head immediately, too overwhelmed with gratitude. "No, that was perfect, thank you so much." They got to their table and sat down. Bella thought for sure Angela would begin questioning why she wanted to be away from the Cullens so quickly, but instead, she said nothing. Angela went about unpacking her lunch, which she had noticed had grown since Bella's first few days.

Angela always shared her lunch, though Bella only ever picked at it. Bella knew what Angela was doing. The sweet girl wanted to make sure Bella ate. She had always been so sweet as a child, and time hadn't yet ruined her.

Truly, Bella didn't know what she had done, what she had ever done, to deserve someone as sweet as Angela. She was trying to be kind to the wicked Bella. Angela's sweetness made Bella worry for her. Surely, Angela wouldn't be so sweet to her if she knew how awful Bella was. With her kindness and apparent naivety, Angela certainly had a target nearly as bright as Bella's. Angela wouldn't deserve it, of course, but men always liked ruining pure and innocent things, especially people.

Angela had a boyfriend, Ben, who she'd been with since sophomore year. He seemed nice enough, though that didn't mean anything. What was strange, though, was how calm Angela was around him. Ben tended to sit at a different table, but every once in a while, he would sneak up behind Angela and kiss the top of her head, resting his hands on her shoulders. While Bella would have stiffened like a statue at the claiming position of a man's hands from behind her, Angela just leaned back into him, smiling happily, her eyes closing.

It really confused Bella. She hadn't ever found herself watching other people…well, not girls. She usually watched the boys as well as she could, trying to figure out exactly who they were and what they were about. But never girls. She didn't know what to make of it.

As Bella found herself lost in thought, Jessica's excited voice cut through her examination.

"So, Bella, there's going to be a bonfire party this Friday at La Push, do you want to go?" She turned to the excited blond, Bella's mind somehow refusing to process what she had said.

She expected any invite to come in a snide tone, but that was not what she thought she heard. The look on Jessica's face was simply excited, and instead of the feigned innocence Bella was expecting, she just saw the girl's open smile. Past her, Angela was doing the same thing, now that Ben had walked back to his table with the other boys who always seemed just a bit too close.

Bella took a moment, unsure why Jessica was humoring her. "What do you mean, a bonfire party?" It didn't really matter what the girl said. There was no way it would be safe for someone like Bella, or that she would be allowed to do anything social outside of school hours.

Jessica's eyes glittered, and took a deep breath, apparently thrilled to gab at Bella. "It's this great party that happens usually in the fall before it gets too cold. It's once of our last few chances to party before winter comes, when we have to wait for someone's parents to leave-"

Angela cut Jessica off, and Bella smiled gratefully. "It's down on the beach, the tides will be low, so we'll have more room to spread out. Some people drink, but not everyone. There'll be people grilling, guys will throw around footballs, and there's big enough fires that you don't have to freeze." Bella was thankful Angela gave her the real details.

"Oh, I…uh…I don't know about that. I'm not really much of a party person…" Angela started shaking her head, which surprised Bella. She'd pegged Jessica as the one to refute her excuses.

"It's really lowkey, I promise. I was intimidated by them at first, too, but it's really just an excuse to get away from adults and socialize. Please, just come check it out? If you drive yourself, you can leave the second you're uncomfortable, but these parties are really the only social scene we have here outside of school."

Jessica nodded beside her, "And if even Angela is willing to go, I know you'll enjoy yourself." Jessica teased Angela, who barely contained her grin and rolled her eyes. "Keep your mind open, okay? I'll text you the details."

Jessica reached for her phone, but Bella put her hand down on it quickly, stopping her. "No!"

Both of the other girls looked at her like Bella had grown a second head, and she didn't blame them. What the hell was she doing? She was talking to friends about going to a party. Who the hell was she? Bella knew she had to stop there.

"I just…I kinda think my dad might be checking my texts or something. I don't want him to know about it," she said nervously.

But to her surprise, Angela again rolled her eyes. "Right? I don't know if they can actually read the messages, but I put Ben in my phone as Leah just in case they check my call logs. My dad is so against boys, it's a wonder he didn't find some all-girls school to send me to."

That made Bella stop for a moment. Angela's dad? He was a pastor if Bella remembered correctly. But she hid her boyfriend from him? Why would Angela risk that? Of course she couldn't let her dad know about Ben, but having an entire secret relationship would be so much worse.

"Aren't you worried he's going to find out?" The question blurted out of Bella before she could think better of it.

A long time ago, Phil had warned Bella never to ask other girls about their treatment. He'd said that if she couldn't tell, they were likely to be the good girls who didn't get the cruelty. He'd said that asking would reveal to them how horrible Bella was, or that somehow, her evil nature would rub off on them, leading them to a life like hers. It was the main reason he said Bella couldn't have friends, because she was too rotten for them, and one bad apple like her would spoil the rest.

Bella felt guilty for it now, but she just didn't know how to keep herself at a distance anymore. She was so, so lonely now that she didn't even have Renee. There was a part of her that had started to rear its ugly head. She didn't know where it came from. Maybe that was the evil part of her that Phil had been talking about. Maybe it was only his threats and anger and beatings that kept it at bay. Maybe this time without any visible threats had made her wickedness come to life.

There was a desperation to it, and it scared her. Maybe it really would infect others around her. Maybe someone would notice, and anyone who could have been her friend would flee, getting the attention from the cruel men who wanted to hurt her more.

Bella was pulled from her brief spiral by Angela smiling at her, a gleam of mischief she had never seen in her before. "Sometimes, parents never find out. Sometimes, even if they do, it's worth it." Angela left her statement as is, and Bella's mind went quiet for just a moment before the flood gates opened.

All the thoughts she'd had in the past few days raced around in her head, and she tried to make sense of it all with the new information she had. She had been thinking that it seemed nearly impossible to be the good girl Phil said she needed to be. Even while trying her best, she earned punishments anyway. She was so, so miserable, and it seemed that everything she did was wrong.

But was it possible that there was another way? Bella was always on edge, and she constantly lived in fear. But Angela and Jessica appeared to be fine. The way Angela relaxed into Ben's touch. The way Jessica was constantly shooting looks at the table of boys near them. Neither seemed afraid.

Maybe they hadn't gotten the lessons she had gotten, but they were being bad, too. Angela was hiding a boyfriend from her father, probably sneaking around with him, and Jessica was constantly flirting.

They both looked happy. Meanwhile, Bella was miserable.

Maybe, if she was going to be punished anyway, she could let herself live a little? Maybe, if the pain of the world, and perhaps men, were unable to be avoided, maybe she just had to accept it.

Maybe she needed to change.

…

As Bella drove home, her mind was swimming with her new realization. It seemed like the punishments the others had received were worth the life they got to live. Could the same be true for Bella? Could she experience the life she hadn't been allowed to live for years?

But what would she even do? It wasn't as if she wanted a boyfriend, like Angela. She didn't want to talk to boys all the time like Jessica.

All Bella wanted was to have her friends back, to go back to the days where danger didn't touch her. But those friends wouldn't be worth it. It was one thing to disobey and have fun but get punished later, but a whole other thing to be punished by what was supposed to be her reward.

Bella couldn't get her friends back. Time had changed them. There was no way she could try to be friends with them again, especially Edward. She had always cared about Edward too much.

Phil was right, that other people would still want to hurt her, and if Edward was one of those people, she wouldn't be able to keep her precious memories of a childhood friend safe from being tainted. Phil had already brought her attention to all the times when Edward had tried to be alone with her, and just because he hadn't done anything didn't mean he wouldn't have. He had probably been preparing for it. Those thoughts alone made it hard to think of child-Edward positively, she wouldn't be able to bear having any other proof.

Proof was what she needed right now. Not about Edward, but about Charlie. Bella needed to find his breaking point, or at least find out where it wasn't. If Angela was right, that sometimes living was worth the punishment, she would need to experiment.

She decided she needed to test Charlie. She knew what would make Phil snap - just about anything - but Charlie was still a mystery. Once she got home, Bella hid her important homework in her room and worked on the simple math assignment she had been given that day at the kitchen table. She had her phone with her, and she was listening to music through her headphones.

Bella hadn't started dinner before Charlie got home. She planned on popping the lasagna into the oven, so her test wouldn't stall the process too much. Should this be where he snapped, she wouldn't have to work in the kitchen with fresh injuries.

As she heard Charlie's cruiser pull into the driveway, she found herself nervous, though resigned to her plan. To her amazement, though, when she looked up from her homework and pretended that she hadn't noticed the time passing, confessing that she hadn't put the lasagna in the oven, he didn't seem upset at all.

"That's no problem, Bells. I really appreciate you doing so much cooking. My diet has gotten pretty abysmal of late, and your great cooking has been quite a treat." And without incident, Charlie moved past Bella and up the stairs to change out of his uniform.

She looked after him, trying to find some shadow of disappointment or frustration in his tone maybe extra weight in his steps, turning them into stomps, but she found none. Getting up and sliding the lasagna into the oven, she sat back down at the kitchen table.

She itched to go back to her room, where her torment was at least behind a meager wooden door. But she was determined to stay downstairs until the end of the night, or until Charlie snapped, whichever came sooner.

When Charlie came back down the stairs, he entered the kitchen, but only to grab a beer before moving to the living room, where he put his feet up and turned on the TV. It seemed like the TV was perhaps quieter than it normally was, like he was trying not to intrude on her. It was an odd thought, that a man might be considerate of her in any way, but she didn't know why else he would have turned the volume down.

She lightly pondered that thought, while she resumed her homework. At no point did Charlie shout for her to get him another beer, nor did he enter the kitchen to torment her. She guessed she wasn't really expecting him to come in. After all, if merely existing was enough to provoke Charlie, she doubted the stairs and the closed bedroom door would have stopped him.

All too soon, the lasagna was done, and she was calling Charlie to dinner. Instead of taking his plate to the living room like she had expected, Charlie joined her at the kitchen table, grabbing silverware and asking if she wanted a glass of water with dinner.

She was stunned, but she tried not to let it show, instead nodding wordlessly and hurrying to clear the table of her homework. He got them some water and laid out their silverware. They sat together in near silence as they ate, only the appreciative sounds from Charlie making any noise.

That was, until Charlie looked at her and said, "So, how has school been going?" He looked like he wanted a real answer, not like he was waiting to say something cruel the way Phil always did.

Bella put her fork down and hesitantly replied, "It's been alright. The material is basically the same as it was in Phoenix."

"And how are your friends, you talking to the Cullens again?" His tone was casual. She didn't know if Charlie was a good actor, but he had always seemed so transparent when she was a child, it was hard to imagine. Though, there was a part of her that was worried he was asking just to give the information to Phil.

You're experimenting, you need to see what happens, so say it, coward.

"I'm lab partners with Edward in biology, but I haven't really been talking to them yet."

Yet, the word slipped out without her permission, and Charlie looked a bit…disappointed? "I've been closer with Angela and Jessica. I've had lunch with them every day." There. If he was an agent of Phil, he would know she was forming some kind of attachment, friends instead of acquaintances.

But Charlie seemed pleased to hear about her forming friendships. "That's great, Bells, I'm glad you're making friends, but why haven't you been talking to the Cullens? As far as I hear, they're still great kids." Again, he didn't seem to be saying this with any hidden message. Her head felt like it would explode.

"I'm not sure, we've just changed a bit, I guess. Alice and I talked a little today, but she was really just catching me up." Some sick, curious part of her must have been begging for some kind of lesson, just to know what would cause it, so she continued. "She told me that she and Jasper are dating, so are Rosalie and Emmett."

Charlie nodded, finishing his bite of lasagna before saying "Oh, I've heard. It caused quite the stir when Rosalie and Emmett started dating, but I can assure you, I've spoken to Esme, and it sounds like nothing untoward is going on in that house. Besides, they're not blood, and in a town this small, that's somewhat of a feat. Back when I was in high school, it wasn't unheard of for some kids to suddenly stop dating once they'd met the other's parents, and they found a connection."

Again, Bella was stunned. She didn't know how her eyebrows weren't in her hairline with how shocked she'd felt this whole night. Charlie wasn't upset at the idea of them dating, and he didn't even take the opportunity to remind her not to date.

The rest of dinner passed with more casual conversation, and when she got up to do the dishes, Charlie stopped her. He told Bella that it was his turn, that she should finish her homework, which she chose to do in her room. She'd had enough experimentation for the night.

When she checked in with Renee and Phil, nothing happened. Bella had been sure there would be some kind of threat, especially after the events of the weekend, but she barely got an acknowledgement.

The world she went to sleep in that night didn't seem the same as the one she had been waking up in for the past seventeen years, and that sent her into the deepest, most comfortable sleep she'd had in years.