Eliza's POV
(Moments ago)
Eliza wasn't thinking clearly. Nothing was making sense.
She kept wondering why…
Why was she stopping herself?
Why was she so afraid of not being enough?
Why can't she just make good choices?
Why does she do the things she does?
Why is her mind like this?
Why does she ruin everything?
Why…?
Why can't she just be brave?
Why can't she be strong?
Why can't she be more like Karlach?
The teifling in question was standing there staring at the scene before her with a blank expression. Looking lost in thought as she stood close to the Warlock.
As Eliza walked up to her, Wyll got to his feet while holding his bleeding wrist and looking around in baffled confusion. She couldn't look him in the eye as her eyes glued to the barbarian. The bard stood in front of the fiery tiefling and began observing the cuts and wounds all over her friend's body that were inflicted by her own hands.
Eliza's heart filled with sorrow and she looked to the the ground as the words left her.
Eliza: "I'm so sorry Karlach. I… I didn't mean to-"
Karlach: "There's nothing to be sorry about - That was awesome!…"
Her excitement shocked Eliza causing her to stare up at the fiery woman wide eyed.
She was amazed to see a big smile on the barbarian's face as she continued.
Karlach: "I've never been so proud and terrified at the same time! You are a little force to be reckoned with, for sure. We are all alive, that's what matters. I'm glad you're my friend again. I can't wait to watch you lead us into battle when you don't hold back against our foes. Our battles will be legendary!"
Eliza's eyes widened from her reaction and her words…
Karlach wasn't angry…
She didn't think any less of Eliza…
She only respected her leadership even more…
What?
How?
Why?
Her head lowers again, she can't even begin to grasp how the Blade of Frontier's is reacting to the entire thing.
Eliza: "Wyll… Forgive me... I…"
A bloodied hand got placed on her shoulder and his voice was soft and sincere…
Wyll: "There's nothing to forgive..."
She looks back up at them as tears threaten to fill her eyes. The bruise forming on his eye only darkened her mood as he continued.
Wyll: "I see now, I must train harder. The reputation of the Blade is now at stake if I can be so easily defeated by someone as small as you. You will definitely have to teach me how to become a good fighter like yourself. You truly are terrifying, Elizabeth. I must learn to be faster than you, so I won't get skewered or knocked out so easily if we are to ever battle again."
She couldn't believe that they didn't blame her or get angry with her after everything that happened.
The bard definitely blamed herself enough and was beyond angry…
She was furious at herself for letting her guard down…
Eliza looked down at Wyll's bloody wrist that dripped from the deep wounds inflicted on it, and she got lost in the color red…
Her mind was able to suppress the dark urges as she got lost in a different direction…
She prayed that day would never come…
The day Eliza slipped once again, but without the Hag to control her…
What if the darkness within her wins?
What if she lost them all to her darkness?
What if she loses herself?
Everything she is…
Everything she could be…
Everything that made her…
…Eliza?… Elizabeth?…
Who was the person that she was before?
Who is she really?
Who is she so afraid of losing in the end?
Her friends?
Herself?
Or… Him?…
The ruby red eyes that stared at her with tenderness filled her mind for a second before she pushed it away…
Her mind left the daydreams of red and dread as she looked back up at them. The warlock was staring at her with concern as the barbarian was looking off in a different direction. The tiefling's focus seemed to be drawn somewhere else.
Eliza couldn't understand why…
But she felt it was best to ignore it and just continue with her thoughts as she spoke them aloud.
Eliza: "I truly hope we will never have to battle with each other. I don't want to ever bring harm or danger to any of you ever again…"
Her voice grew deeper and quieter, she looked back up at them as her eyes dripped a few tears…
Eliza: "I can't even control my own actions or thoughts. I don't think I'll be a good teacher… Or a good leader."
Her eyes stared through them in a daze as she heard their reactions. The warlock squeezed his grip slightly as he spoke and the barbarian tried to grab her attention to reassure her.
Wyll: "That's not true! You are a fantastic leader! We all make mistakes, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I have made more than my fair share of them, that's what makes me a good fighter. I had to fail to get better. You are allowed to fail now and again. You shouldn't blame yourself for learning the hard way."
Karlach: "I couldn't agree more! No matter what, I'm glad you were the one that found me. I couldn't even begin to imagine what would have happened to me if it wasn't you I stumbled across. Every single minute under your leadership has been more enjoyable than any second I've spent in the Hells. Trust me - I've seen leaders who are the worst of the worst… You don't even come close to them. I bet you'll be an amazing teacher if you just give yourself a little more credit."
Even though their words were gratifying to hear…
She couldn't believe a word of it…
Out of all the good they see…
Eliza saw only the bad…
If it weren't for her…
They wouldn't be covered in wounds inflicted by her own hands…
Without thinking Eliza pulls out her violin and uses her remaining magic to heal their wounds.
Her song of healing was soft but sad…
When finished, she tried to give them a smile in gratitude, but her lips could barely lift from the weight on her heart.
The only feeling she could feel was numb…
Her body ached and still writhed from her defiance…
But that felt like nothing in comparison to her own torture that she forced herself to endure as punishment.
Even with their wounds healed she still felt the heavy guilt that weighed on her.
She still saw the horror first hand of what she was capable of…
Of what she could have done to them…
She could have killed them….
She could have been trapped to suffer with that burden for all eternity.
A mindless slave that couldn't give compassion or kindness as her body committed these horrible things…
Forever living with the pain of knowing that loss…
Of becoming the monster she feared the most…
She was lucky she was strong enough to stop herself then…
But… what if she couldn't…
What if one day…
She…
Eliza didn't even want to think about it…
She didn't want her bloodthirsty mind to spiral uncontrollably…
She didn't want to torture herself anymore….
She had to move on…
She led them ahead and managed to function even with her mind under constant stress…
She had to be strong…
Or else….
She was better off gone for good…
They shouldn't bother bringing her back…
She couldn't help but wonder…
If they should have in the first place…
…
Why did he?
Why did he do any of it?
…Why did Astarion even say those things?…
Words that made her feel like she was floating high above the clouds…
"What did I ever do… to deserve someone like you?"
She managed to get herself and the others stealthily across the cavern, through the other side of a waterfall while her mind delved deeper…
On the words that made her feel like she was sinking like a rock in water…
"- You wanted me to think… and to feel… Well, do you want to know what I think? I think you are an idiot!…"
Words that made her question his meaning behind them as she played a melody to help them get across the poisonous path…
Mindlessly playing the tune that comes to her as his words replayed in her mind…
"You are blind. You refuse to see what is right in front of you, and it's clouding your judgment. You keep thinking you're right, but you're wrong!"
Words that make her feel shame for being so ignorant… So blind…
She finally realized all she does is cause him misery…
Eliza tried to not look him in the eyes when handing them items for aid and then she told them her plan…
She kept him close subconsciously but still didn't dare to look in his direction…
They needed to kill the hag…
She had to focus…
But her mind got lost…
Choosing to be blind once more as she remembered those words and his tone…
"You keep demanding me to do things that torture me! I keep risking my life even against my own will at times and I don't even get appreciated for it! I can't even bear the slightest thought of being myself anymore - thanks to you!"
She didn't even know if that was a good thing or a bad thing…
Was she changing him for the worse or for the better?
Was she their rise or their downfall?
Was she good…. Or evil?….
Although…
Someone evil probably wouldn't deserve words like-
"…How dare YOU command me to kill my ONLY friend?!…"
…Friend…
Why did she hate that word?
That should be the best news to her ears…
In fact, those words were entirely new… all of them were…
Astarion would never say those words unless he meant them…
And yet… it made her feel bitter from hearing it come from his lips…
…Friend…
A friend wouldn't go through so much for her…
Would they?
She couldn't make sense of it…
What was he thinking?
Is something going on in his head?
Why is he acting so strange?
It doesn't make any-
"You are worth everything to me."
…
…A friend… wouldn't say those words…
…would they…?
She wouldn't know truthfully…
She couldn't remember if she had any friends in her life before this one…
The only memories she recalled were full of terror and despair…
They didn't even make sense most of the time…
The brief glimpses of the future are clearer than her hazy memories…
Even still…
A friend wouldn't look at her the way that he does…
A friend wouldn't go through all the trouble to deny her commands…
He wouldn't change his entire personality for just a friend…
Then maybe… perhaps….
He… wanted more than just a friendship…
That realization changed her thoughts entirely…
It also made her finally wake up to the world around her as she heard the sudden sound the man in question made after a loud thud.
She turned just in time to feel her breath leave her and her heart completely dropped down to the ground in sheer horror from the sight before her…
The masked woman with a hammer shoved Astarion off of his feet into a deep pit…
It felt like the world slowed down as the bard moved in the blink of an eye…
Eliza didn't even think twice as she jumped out, landed on her stomach, and slid to the edge of the cliff…
Reaching out to him…
…Only….
To barely graze his fingertips as she watches his shocked expression stare back up at her…
His name screams from her lips… but all she heard was a deafening silence as her vision darkened the more his eyes disappeared from her sight…
The smaller and smaller he got…
The more she stared at her empty hand that was outstretched for someone she failed to grasp….
Failed to save…
Her greatest treasure… wasn't here anymore…
She couldn't see him…
She couldn't see anything…
She didn't even hear anything…
She didn't feel anything…
…Eliza felt only rage…
…She heard only hysterical laughter escape her lips...
…She only saw red…
… Everything that made her the person that she is, shuts off…
Then the screams fill her ears…
She didn't even pity the sounds of flesh tearing and the gurgling from her victims choking on their blood…
Not even the voices of her friends bring solace as they attempt to reach her…
"Elizabeth?! What are you doing?!"
"Stay back Wyll! She doesn't look like she's in control… By the gods… That's brutal."
She wanted to fight back…
But she couldn't…
She didn't want to hurt them…
But she didn't want to fight herself anymore…
She could feel the power in her body using her skills to massacre the people around her…
Anyone that came close was asking for a death sentence…
She didn't even care…
Nothing made sense anymore without him here…
Nothing had meaning…
Nothing made her feel like he did when he was alive…
Except for the fond memories of him…
That brought her some comfort, but it wasn't enough with just a memory…
She used them to drown out the screams and got lost in memories of him instead…
Then, finally… the words that she basically ignored, started to make sense in his absence…
"You don't need to die! You don't need to push people away! You don't need to torture yourself!… You need to live! You need to trust! You need me here!"
Eliza didn't feel like any of it was true…
Especially in a time like this…
Except… for one thing that he said…
She did need him…
She needed him more than anything…
He made her feel whole…
He made her feel safe…
He made her feel understood…
He made her want to live…
Without him here…
…What was there to live for?…
…
How could she think that?
Why give up?
Why did it hurt like this?
How could one person affect her so greatly?
When she still had her friends…
She still had others she cared for…
but somehow… it wasn't enough…
All she knew… is that all hope was lost without him here…
Eliza heard the Hag start to beg for her life after a long while of hearing her screams and tricks, trying to escape the merciless killer that had been awakened…
Auntie Ethel: "W-Wait! Argh. Wait just a tick!"
Someone took the risk to get close enough and Eliza almost made an attack, but the words froze her still. Only the sound of the barbarian's sweet voice in a whisper was able to bring the bard somewhat to her senses…
Karlach: "Elizabeth… I know it hurts… But it's okay… Astarion's soul is still here..."
For a moment, her head moved mindlessly in the direction where he last stood and through her dark red vision…
She could see the faint hint of a blue hovering ball of light…
Its flickering almost like a flame slowly calms the rage as the words calm her mind…
Karlach: "He's not gone… He's just missing. We can get him back. So don't give up on us yet."
Eliza's vision returns, the red fades away, and she brings herself to face the Hag with just enough control to witness the wounds on her body instead of inflicting more…
The Hag was trying to remain calm as she attempts to bargain for her life.
Auntie Ethel: "Killing me is a waste of time - I'll always find a way to return. Always have, always will. But it's… Unpleasant. So how about we be civilized about this, hmm? I have something you want."
There was nothing Eliza wanted more…
The Hag had nothing that could offer freedom from death…
Ethel knew exactly what she was doing the entire time, she had control over the masked people…
This creature in front of Eliza purposefully pushed the most precious thing to her into a pit to fall to his death…
His words being the only thing that brought her comfort from the horrible memories…
The words she somehow overlooked before…
"I do trust you! That's the damn problem! How could I not? You are the only good thing about this terrible world! Do you think I choose to disobey you? I have no choice - you do this to me! I can't even listen to my own head."
He does the same to her…
She finally understood his actions…
To her… he was the only good thing about this world…
She can't even function without him…
It must be the same for him…
He felt exactly the way she does…
That's why his words mean even more to her…
"You keep forcing me to stay away when all I want is to be close to you! You keep pushing me away and it's driving me completely insane! All I want is to keep YOU safe! I want to keep you alive and you won't let me! You are worth it, Elizabeth!"
Now it makes sense…
The look in his eyes when he looked down at her and said words that should have made it clear from the start…
He wouldn't have said those words if he didn't mean them…
After all this time…
It should have been obvious…
She didn't want to see it…
Her choice in blindness created a barrier to hide from the truth…
Now she could finally see how blind she really was…
How the truth was more beautiful than the lies she told herself…
The truth that finally make sense to her…
Words she finally listened to…
True words she never thought she'd ever hear him say in all of her existence…
At the very least… not so soon…
"You are worth everything to me."
Eliza couldn't believe that she was worthy of anything for so long…
So she thought it was the same for everyone else…
Now she sees the truth…
Without his presence…
She didn't feel worthy anymore…
Without him here…
She didn't see a reason to fight her darkness…
Without him…
She didn't have a reason to believe she could be more…
He was her reason to be better…
The reason to improve, to find a purpose in this dark world…
The purpose for her strength in fighting every dark urge…
The strength behind her courage to live another day…
The courage to become a version of herself others could be proud of…
The version of herself who isn't afraid…
Who doesn't feel like she has to be a sacrifice in order to be worthy of another person's company…
Who doesn't have to give up everything she loves in order to make people want to stay…
Who doesn't have to give all of herself away till there is nothing left to give…
Just to be accepted for the person she wanted to be…
All this time, she thought that's what it took in order to make someone see her as worthy…
In the end… it didn't… for the right people…
She was enough… for him…
That's what he tried to tell her…
She wasn't listening before…
Now she can't apologize for her behavior…
Now she can't thank him for his words…
Now… he's gone… because of this… Hag…
This… beast… in front of her doesn't deserve mercy after committing such a crime to her beloved…
Besides… Eliza already knows what she wants…
…Revenge…
Eliza: "I know what I want… and I'll take it with my own hands."
Without another word, her lips form a devilish grin and her vision goes red again.
Auntie Ethel: "What?!… Wait!… Arggghhhhhh!!!"
A hideous laughter escaped her as she turned a blind eye to her violent nature once more…
The familiar sounds of flesh tearing and bones cracking fill the air as the creature screams its final cry.
There weren't any screams anymore, but that didn't stop her frenzy.
After a long while, her red vision fades as she looks down at the different colors of red at her feet…
Her breath heaving at the exertion her body went through…
The sight of flesh and blood mean nothing to her anymore…
Luckily, the others knew to keep their distance…
They kept themselves safe by staying out of the way…
In her haze, her body moves mindlessly once more…
Instinctively facing in a certain direction and her eyes search the air erratically…
Only the blue light floating in the distance seems to grab her attention…
She then stumbled towards it with a slow haste despite her body's protests, wobbling as she took each step…
Something else blurred her vision and the wetness flowed down her cheeks…
Once she finally stood in front of it, she crumbled to her knees as the sobs escaped her…
The melody leaves her thoughtlessly…
And so do the words…
They just felt right…
Her deepest desires floating to the surface, echoing in the dark pit around her, and making itself known…
Everything she missed about him came to her mind from her song…
The comfort of his arms wrapped around her…
His very scent…
Even the feeling of his lips on her neck when he bites on her skin and drinks from her…
She wanted more days with him…
More hours…
More minutes…
Every single second without him was more painful than the last…
She wanted more…
More laughter…
More smiles…
More joy…
The only time she could recall having any pleasant emotions the most was in his presence…
No one will ever understand how truly important his existence is to her…
Her hands cup the small soul in front of her as she tries to feel that comfort he used to bring…
But it wasn't nearly the same…
Without the thoughts from his mind when he spoke to her….
Without his hands when they touched her….
Without his chest to rest her head on…
Without the sound of his voice and his lively laughter to grace her ears…
Without his mesmerizing red eyes to stare into…
Even without his smile…
She lost all control…
As it turns out…
He didn't have to be near her for her to lose herself…
She lost herself without him near…
Without him here…
Without the chance to call out to him and say his name…
Without his expressions and the sound of his voice…
Without his kind touches…
Without him…
She lost everything…
Everything that made him special…
Everything she shouldn't have rejected…
Everything she shouldn't have pulled away from…
She could completely lose everything she should've just cherished more deeply…
If only she had known…
She didn't realize how hard she should've been fighting to keep it, rather than running from it…
She would've stood closer and gazed at him more confidently…
She would've held him longer and talked with him more…
In the end, she would've loved him harder and showed him how special he is to her…
She should've known that it wouldn't last forever…
That should've made it even more precious…
Eliza didn't realize what she had…
Until it was gone…
The air around her got warmer as she was approached by the barbarian who was holding a revifify scroll…
The bard didn't hesitate to take the scroll from her and use it. Karlach then steps back to give her space.
Eliza has never used this before, but somehow her body and mind knew what to do…
The blue magic swirled around her when she casted the spell and the little ball of light in front of her formed into a familiar silhouette.
The magic slowly left them as he took in a breath and staggered a little from where he stood.
The sight of him standing there wasn't enough…
Now that he was here, she couldn't think of anything else…
Her body moved mindlessly and she buried her face in his chest as the sobs left her…
Eliza was so happy he was back…
She didn't care if he didn't want a hug…
She didn't even care if he was angry with her…
She was terrified to let go…
As if letting him go would make him disappear again…
She was prepared for him to push away or do anything else…
Anything besides what he actually did…
His arms slowly wrapped around her and his head rested on hers…
His hand pets her head ever so softly…
The act shocked her, but calmed her tears…
Eliza found peace in his hold and his touch once again…
She might be imagining things…
But she could've sworn she heard his heart racing…
Or perhaps it was her own again…
It was hard to tell…
She stayed there and let time pass, eventually he stopped stroking her hair, began breathing deeply, and just squeezed her ever so slightly…
Then suddenly, he grabs her shoulders and just pushes her away.
She was a little put off by it at first, but she didn't let it bother her.
Until she saw the look on his face and heard him speak…
It filled her with sadness, making her body move once again without thinking.
Holding him tight and shocking him completely, no doubt.
She breathed in his scent, held on tightly to his clothes, and nuzzled her head into his chest…
Taking it all in for once…
Enjoying the little things while she has them…
His body was frozen this time as the words left her.
Eliza blamed herself for his death…
She told him more of the truth than she ever has before.
She then looked up at him and practically begged him to hold her longer…
He held an expression unrecognizable when he stared down at her, but it changed by the time he looked away, opened his mouth, and spoke…
Only for his words to anger her, he wouldn't look her in the eyes and that made it all the more irritating…
She's never heard these words spoken from his lips before, that made it even more disheartening…
He didn't see how offensive his words were to her…
He chose to say them and they weren't even close to the truth…
It was far from it…
So she stared intensely at him until he finally looked into her eyes to see how serious she was…
She was deeply saddened by his statements…
It motivated her even more to convince him otherwise.
The tears just kept flowing, so did her words…
She thoughtlessly said them…
Eliza mindlessly moved to emphasize how much she meant it…
His face expressed shock when she touched him, but not discomfort…
She could feel her heart racing from his expression, but that didn't stop her…
He was most likely surprised by her words…
She didn't hold back…
Because all of it was true…
Every single word…
Because she knew what it was like…
She knew exactly what he described…
Eliza knew deep down, all those emotions he was feeling…
She recognizes them all too well…
She knew those horrible emotions better than any good ones…
She didn't have to think about them…
It was like she felt them all her life…
Feeling hopeless…
Living in shame…
Suffering in silence…
Constantly in fear…
Knowing what it's like… to feel… worthless…
Eliza felt like she wasn't good enough all her life…
Even beyond this life…
She knew what it was like to not feel worthy of the air she breathed…
Eliza felt like she was only existing to suffer…
Like her very existence was a mistake…
She died a long time ago too…
In the house she grew up in…
The innocence of the child she once was is long forgotten and buried…
She couldn't see the beauty of existence for so long…
It made her feel like life wasn't worth living…
Not until… Astarion came along…
Even in another life…
His existence brought her… joy…
After nothing but suffering alone for so long…
He brought her peace…
She felt understood from the grief she experienced, through him…
To Eliza… it was as if…
She was looking into a mirror…
From then on, Eliza knew…
She wanted nothing more than to bring him comfort…
To take away his pain…
Because she knew what it was like…
No being alive deserves to live like that…
Along the way, through trying to help him…
She began to realize her own worth…
How important she could be to someone else…
To someone who deserves to know kindness after being given cruelty for so long…
She knew someone like that would appreciate it more than anything…
Because she knew what a cruel hand felt like…
So she never wanted him to experience it…
Not from anyone, ever again…
…Even from her own hands…
That's why she fought so hard to protect him against her nature…
She didn't want him to live life like she did…
She knew what it was like to not have faith or trust in anyone…
She felt scared and alone for so long…
She didn't have anyone to turn to…
At least in this life and from what she could recall in her other life from her faded memories…
So she wanted to be that… for him…
She wanted to be a comfort…
A hand if he needed one to hold…
A voice to give advice or just an ear to listen…
To be the arms to catch him when he falls and use her legs to run if it meant she got to be by his side…
Eliza wanted to be a safe place to rest his head…
With no judgment, no lies, and no fear…
…A true friend…
But… Somewhere along the way…
The feelings grew deeper and more profound…
It became much more than desire or lust…
…It was love…
And it was pure… it had to be…
People do anything for the ones they love…
Even if it meant she had to sacrifice her greatest treasures for them…
Even if it meant giving up a dream...
Even if it costs a life…
She would do it…
She would give up her own life just to see him live another day…
With him, she had a reason to live…
A reason to wake up every day and feel joy…
Even if he doesn't feel joy, in the end, she'll still try her best to make it easier for him to live…
The way he made it easier for her…
All the horrible thoughts go away when she looks into his eyes…
Since the moment they met, she knew he was someone worth saving…
Whatever lifetime that may be…
Even if she knew how this universe would end…
She couldn't be more grateful to have this life…
To have the chance to be here in his presence…
To exist in a life where he is in it…
He saved her without even knowing it…
Long before she knew the touch of his hands or could have the chance to taste his lips…
In a life where this wasn't possible, she held a deep love for his very soul…
Because of him, she sees the beauty in everything…
Like she did when she was young and carefree…
In her reality, Astarion was a blessing…
He doesn't understand how she couldn't be more blessed to have this chance to be in his arms…
So of course, it hurts her when all he sees is the curse of his very existence…
Just from the thought that he felt that pain even a little bit…
She couldn't stand it if he believed in such a thing…
It devastated her to no end…
Eliza knew what it was like more than anyone…
And it was soul crushing…
She hated that he felt anything remotely close to it…
She didn't want him to feel that way too…
She loved him too much to let him suffer like that…
His face may be beautiful… but it's his soul that she grew to love…
Yes… on the outside he may be a rogue…
A thief…
A vampire…
But…
He is intelligent, cunning, and fearless…
He has a kind heart buried deep within all that pain and suffering he endured…
He might think he's weak… but he is strong…
A survivor…
He did what he had to in order to survive…
He had no choice…
She could understand that…
She was a survivor too…
That's why she will never blame him…
The world made him this way…
It made them both this way…
…She had to reassure him…
She had to show him everything that she sees…
If he doesn't believe it, she will prove it.
She didn't know how, but she would do everything in her power to try at least…
He wasn't as evil as he thinks he is…
She might be far worse than he ever could be…
If they just look around at the mutilated bodies and down her own body….
Eliza was covered in blood…
She could taste the flesh stuck in her teeth and the blood on her tongue.
Nobody would just casually wear this around and be unfazed by it like she is…
Looking down at her bloody hands, she could see her true nature…
She could feel the blood underneath the claws on her own hands that shook in her disgust…
At least his victims could walk away if he decided to stop…
She didn't even have a decision…
By the time she realized she needed to stop…
It would be far too late to turn back…
There could be nothing left of them to come back from…
She couldn't help but feel like she was the real monster…
The more she spoke, the more her tears threatened to spill even more…
Once she started, she couldn't stop…
She told them the ugly truth…
All of her was spilled out in front of him…
The parts of her she hated to admit…
That she hated to have…
Her tears fell from her eyes and dripped down her cheeks…
She believed everything she told them…
She hoped that would help him somehow…
Help him to see more clearly…
In her despair, she looked up at him only to be baffled by his expression…
She was completely overwhelmed by his own tears as they formed in his eyes and threatened to drip at any moment…
He was silent for a short while, lost in his own thoughts…
Eliza's never seen that expression on him…
She's never witnessed him shed tears before either…
What happened?
What made him so sad?
Was it her fault?!
What is she supposed to do!?
Eliza didn't know what to do…
It almost sent her into a panic…
Until he finally looked into her eyes and then placed his hands on her shoulders…
His actions, his expression, and his very voice shocked her to her core…
The tears dripped from his eyes as he spoke sincerely…
She couldn't help but be amazed by it all…
She couldn't stop her tears as they kept streaming down her face and her lips began to tremble…
Every word was a blessing to her…
This felt like a dream…
One she didn't want to wake from…
She couldn't help but chuckle from his statements and because of the red handprints she left on his face unintentionally.
It shouldn't be funny… but she couldn't help it…
Her laugh seemed to change his mood entirely…
He went from sadness to joy within an instant…
Is that true joy on his face?
He… looks so cute when he's happy…
She smiles uncontrollably the more he speaks…
The more his smile grew the more her heart found peace from her raging thoughts…
The more she heard him, the less she felt sadness…
The less she felt doubt…
The less she felt fear…
Laughter escaped her lips from his remark about his age…
But truthfully…
She honestly could care less how much older he was, age builds character and shapes the person into who they are…
That's why she couldn't blame him for being skeptical of others…
After seeing the worst in people for what probably felt like an eternity…
After everything he endured for so long…
After living a cruel life for so many years…
He deserved to smile like this…
To hold a genuine smile from ear to ear that makes all his troubles fade away…
Even her own…
She could finally feel joy in her tears…
His hand then reached up to wipe them away…
Making her heart leap and her mind melt…
Then… he said something completely unexpected…
"…You are good, Elizabeth. Too good for any of us…"
For the longest time… she couldn't believe any of it…
But now… hearing him say it out loud became impossible to ignore…
If he said it… it must be true…
He would have never gone out of his way to say it with that look on his face if he wasn't sincere…
But then… his demeanor changes…
His smile fades…
She knew that look… all to well…
It wasn't her this time…
Astarion looks like he's about to pull away…
She watched his happiness disappear…
But this time… she refused to stand for it…
Something came over her…
A powerful urge…
Something more powerful than the darkness within her…
It made her body move…
And before she knew it…
She grabbed his shirt, leaned in, and closed her eyes…
Her lips were now pressing against his…
It was the most amazing feeling she's ever felt…
As far as she knew, this was her first kiss…
And she was grateful that out of all people…
It was him she was giving it to…
It was her choice… no one else's…
And nothing bad came from it…
Only pure bliss, as if time stood still…
He held his breath and his body was stiff…
Even still, it sent shivers down her spine…
She then pulls away and her eyeslids flutter open.
Eliza takes a sigh to calm her remaining chills, and then her eyes stare deeply into his as she speaks plainly how she felt.
It took everything she had to concentrate when his eyes were staring down at her like he did…
She told the truth… and tried her best to show him the phony she really was…
How in truth… she was a coward…
She was really just weak…
Eliza was actually an idiot…
He was right before…
She was choosing to be blind…
Choosing to suffer…
Choosing to keep her distance…
…No more…
She wants to be close to him too…
She wants nothing more than to talk with him endlessly and stare lovingly into his ruby gaze…
She wanted all of him…
His thoughts…
His touches…
His kisses…
Everything… she wanted all of it…
and prayed he wouldn't mind…
She said nothing but the truth hoping it was enough…
But… in truth…
Eliza loves him fiercely…
However, it wasn't the best idea to tell him that yet…
It was too soon…
Besides, she didn't know for certain if this was really love…
It was just the only thing that made sense to her…
Until someone else confirmed it she didn't want to confess first…
She had to know for sure before she did something so bold…
Bolder than kissing him without his permission…
She began to worry that perhaps she overstepped a boundary…
That she upset him in the end…
He stared at her for a moment with a mysterious look on his face as they stood in silence, another look she's never seen on him before…
She almost started panicking…
Then, he suddenly moved…
His hands grab her face, then he leans in, and plants a kiss of his own…
Her eyes were wide open in shock this time…
Her face burns hot and her heart is racing in her chest…
There was so much passion in it, it overwhelmed her…
The pressure of his lips on hers made Eliza close her eyes and completely crumble in his hold…
Her hands grip his shirt to hold herself up, but he did it for her…
One hand slid down her shoulder, across her back, and gripped her waist on the other side…
His arm pulling her closer as his other hand grips the side of her face tenderly…
Pulling her face in…
Rather than pushing her away…
Then his tongue slips between her lips and she welcomes its warmth in surprise as it explores her mouth in a possessive way…
Soft moans escaped her from the sensation of his tongue swirling around with her own briefly before it would leave just to do it again…
Over and over…
The warmth from his lips and tongue became hypnotic…
She felt a warmth growing inside her body as well...
His lips fit hers perfectly as she gets lost in his sweet caresses and from the soft noises that escape him…
He practically stole her breath, so eventually she had to pull away to take in air.
She opened her eyes to see the hunger in his own…
Yes… that's what that look was…
…Hunger… for…
…Her…
She breathes in his breath and gets hypnotized by his ruby gaze…
Her eyelids relaxed while in his hold, along with her entire body, and she came close to shutting her eyes again…
Her last view staring down at his lovely lips…
Eliza trusts him completely, and wants nothing more than to kiss him over and over…
He could do anything with her…
She wouldn't mind…
Especially if it was his choice in the end…
She almost leans in once more…
So does he…
Until a soft cough that echoes in the air interrupts them from their… activities…
Her eyes shot open and she turned her gaze to see the smile on the Barbarian's face, the red flush on the warlock, and then the frustration on their final audience member…
The bard was about to speak, but Astarion beats her to it…
His tone seems to be annoyed…
His arm then squeezed her slightly and his hand pulled away from her face to shoo the woman away before both his hands then moved down to her hips…
Then Astarion changes his gaze to stare deeply into Eliza's as he pulls her closer to him…
Closer than they already were…
And said something completely unexpected…
Something that made her practically fall apart in his arms…
Astarion: "Unless you would rather stay and watch."
He stares at her hungrily once more with a devilish smile and pulls her in until their bodies are completely pressed into each other…
Her heart was racing against his chest, and her mind was in shock from the sound of his soft laughter…
The sound's vibration came from his chest and voice, she could feel it in her entire body rather than just hear it from her ears…
It sent chills throughout her entire body…
Her face got warmer as he towered over her, her eyes widened in surprise when he leaned in once more.
She felt her heart pounding and knees buckling as their lips almost brushed against each other once more…
Until they get interrupted by an angry tone…
Astarion turned his head to spare a frustrated glance at the woman…
But time slowed down in Eliza's view…
The world went on around her as she watched his every move…
His every expression…
Every movement…
Every detail when he spoke for her…
She was mesmerized by it all…
His beautiful red eyes and fair lips…
His gorgeous pale skin and white hair…
His skin was once cold to the touch…
Every interaction was as if she were touched by a ghost… or a corpse…
It has felt warmer these last few days…
Not only were they warm touches, but they were gentle…
Caring…
Possessive…
Even in his very gaze when he turns to stare at her once more…
The ruby red stare that changed from scorn to then hold desire when he looked back down at her…
A smile that once held a twitch of annoyance changes to a genuine grin…
Then… a gentle smile…
Her breath escaped her from the softness of his stare…
The way he looked at her was unlike anything she has ever witnessed in all her broken memories…
She couldn't help but get lost in her mind as she pondered on his choices…
Every act…
Every word…
Every single thing she felt and witnessed…
Was completely unexpected…
She's never experienced this before in all her life…
And it was undeniable proof…
As he began to lean in once more ever so slightly…
She knew the truth…
She loves this…
She loves seeing the desire on his face…
It was clear as day…
She could read him like a book…
She knew him better than she knew herself…
At first, she thought it was a bad thing…
She thought it was a terrible thing to know everything that could happen…
She thought it was a curse to predict the future as much as she did…
But… in the end…
She couldn't help but love it even more now that she was standing here in front of him…
She loved knowing what could happen…
Knowing the good she could do…
Even the bad…
Because then she gets to see it first-hand the difference she was making…
Every new little detail that becomes difficult to ignore because of her choices…
He was becoming unpredictable…
Changing in ways she never thought possible…
Good ways… impossibly good…
Amazing ways in fact…
It's even more beautiful than the predictable future she gets glimpses of…
Most of all…
Eliza loved that she knew what to do to help him…
She knew the things that he would like…
Or wouldn't like…
Although…
Sometimes… she can't help but feel guilty…
She was using her knowledge to her advantage…
She knew what to do to get on his good side…
The knowledge made it easier…
to get this close to him…
He wouldn't be this close to her if she didn't know anything about him… right?…
She wouldn't have seen the reactions he gave her if she hadn't spoken her mind…
Because… she knew the future…
She always knew what to say…
Is it possible that he is drawn to lie?
…
…In the end, the big question is…
Did Eliza do it on purpose to get close to him…
or…
did…
she want to do it out of the kindness of her heart?
…
Was it out of manipulation or out of love for him?
…
…Can she… really call this… love?…
…
All this time, she thought she didn't have any hidden intentions…
Now she couldn't help but wonder…
If she deserved this…
Eliza liked who she was when Astarian was alive…
But hated who she was without him in this world…
The woman only proved the bard's thoughts to be true when she said the words out loud pulling Eliza from her back to reality…
Mayrina:"…She ruined it - She ruined everything! What kind of monster is she anyway? I was better off with the Hag!"
Those words cut her deeper than any blade…
Why deny it?
The evidence around them was too hard to ignore…
Perhaps all her previous thoughts weren't wrong…
She really was a monster…
She looked away from them and thought hard about herself…
Was Eliza really as terrible as she says…,
The Hag wasn't probably nearly as twisted as the bard is…
But… then again…
Eliza would be cold, heartless, and confident with her kills…
There wouldn't be hesitation or regret…
A monster wouldn't feel guilty…
There wouldn't be shame, fear, or pity either…
The Hag didn't feel any of those things…
Perhaps that's what set them apart…
That's what made them different…
Her bloodthirsty nature might be an issue, but her intentions weren't for her own sake…
Eliza never attacked anything for her own protection…
She did it for the benefit of others…
To keep them safe from evils far darker than herself…
It was for the ones she fights for…
The ones that fight for her too…
She looks up at Astarian to witness him speaking in her defense.
Eliza could hear the anger in his voice that he tried to keep control over…
She could feel it in the tightness of his hold the more Mayrina spoke.
She can see his rage…
And that brought a smile back to her face…
She felt joy as he spoke for her…
She's never experienced this before…
This was an entirely different experience…
Eliza couldn't be more grateful to have him here…
To see the way that he grew protective over her…
It was almost like a dream…
Was she dreaming?
Because this seems too beautiful to be real…
Eliza brings herself back to the conversation once she overheard the exchange…
Mayrina's unborn child for her dead husband…
Eliza knew how it would end…
She knew what the Hag would have done…
Somehow...
Even if Mayrina thought she was doing it for the right reasons…
Eliza knew how wrong it really is…
The bard didn't hesitate to speak her mind…
She could feel all eyes on her, but that didn't stop her…
Even under his ruby gaze, she didn't want to stop until she made it clear…
She pulled herself away from his arms, wishing for it only to be temporary as she continued to speak…
Eliza didn't know what it was like to be a mother, but she knew everything that she wished she had in one…
She only knew what a mother isn't…
So it was the opposite…
The only reason she knew what a mother should be is because she knew what a mother shouldn't be.
Deep down in her faded memories and clouded heart…
She knew neglect…
She knew a household that she didn't feel safe in…
Eliza knew how alone she felt because of those she was supposed to trust the most.
She knew the ones that raised her didn't know what they were doing…
But they handled it wrong…
They only left her with more pain than joy…
She knew what a mother or father shouldn't be…
That's how she spoke like she knew what she was talking about…
Because it was her secret wish that was buried deep inside…
The wish to have a mother that would have loved her and been there for her…
For a father that never yelled or… caused harm…
The wish for a home she felt safe in…
The wish for a family that would have been loving, nurturing, and supportive…
Till the bitter end…
She never knew what that was like…
But she knew that would be what any person would want…
That any child would love to have a parent that loved them.
Even if they could have only one…
One was better than none…
She was blessed to at least have one she could rely on in her faded memory…
The woman she confused for a monster…
The Hag would have done something to that child and altered its future entirely…
For as long as Eliza drew breath…
A life that hasn't been given a chance is not worth someone else's that is already lost…
A life is not worth a life…
…
…Well…
Eliza is a hypocrite…
If it were Astarion...
…
She already knew that answer…
She didn't even have to think about it…
It wasn't fair to make Mayrina believe that all of it was her fault…
...People do anything for the ones they love…
Even if it meant sacrificing something precious…
Or… someone precious…
Eliza knows the dark acts she would commit…
Or already have committed…
For the sake of the one she loves…
The bard said her peace and it brought Mayina to tears.
She sobs to herself while Eliza's gaze falls onto the man in her thoughts…
She watched as his expressions got more intense the more he delved deep in thought.
His ruby gaze was a thousand miles away, he held his chin while lost in his mind.
Completely forgetting about everything else around him…
His index finger pressed hard over his lips that were holding a deep frown…
He always held pain in his gaze when he looked lost in thought…
She figured he was recalling the past or remembering the days that he wished would be erased from his memories….
Or the days he wished that never happened at all…
But this time…
This look was far more distraught than any of those other times before…
Astarion was in a whole different world inside his mind, he must have not realized his own actions in the process…
Because then his eyes turned to her direction…
and his intensity did not falter…
His ruby gaze stared her down as if he was looking right through her…
As if he held her in mind, but didn't have the conscious sense to make it not so obvious…
As if he were thinking so hard about something serious he didn't even notice her own stare….
His gaze said it all on what it was about…
His eyes didn't look away as they remained in a silent stare…
The longer it went on, the harder it was to focus on anything with her heartbeat racing so intensely…
That gaze made her want to crumble…
Why was he looking at her like that?
It made everything so difficult…
…so clear…
She did love Astarion…
All the signs were there…
But she still held doubts…
She still had fears…
As it turns out…
Those aren't so easy to shake…
Just like the urge, it comes with twice as much power than it did before…
When Eliza thinks she's overpowered her demons…
They come back and hit harder…
She can't shake that little voice that whispers in her ear the worst things that come to mind…
…More 'What ifs'…
What if that wasn't a good stare?
What if he doesn't like her?
What if he just indulged her?
What if…
he felt pressured to kiss her back…?
What if…
his desires aren't really aligned with her choices…?
What if the choices wasn't her own either…?
Are they not her own?
Are they someone else's bidding?
What if…
deep down… she was just a predator who drew in her prey just to kill them…?
…
…W-What if…
what was going on between them…
isn't real at all?
Is this love…
Or just a game for the urge?
Eliza could very well be a pawn in someone else's design…
…
She knows deep down…
It isn't true…
But it still makes her feel lost…
She still feels deep in her soul that she has committed great sins against anyone that got close enough…
To anyone that dared to be her lover…
It is a death sentence…
Just when she takes a step forward…
Eliza is forced to wonder if she should take two steps back…
She is drawn back to reality when Mayrina finally calms down…
Mayrina apologized and Eliza felt honored by her words…
But she wasn't sent by anyone…
She was no fallen angel from the sky that comes liberating the helpless…
Eliza was something darker and much more sinister…
Not a dark angel and worse than a demon…
Whatever she is…
She just happened to be at the right place, at the right moment…
She mistook someone's kindness for another's and it clouded her vision…
She completely lost it for a second there, but she came back…
And happened to have a lot weighing on her troubled mind…
She was so held up in the past, she didn't even realize the danger she put everyone in…
This all could have been avoided…
But against the odds…
They are all still here…
The bard saved not one life…
But two…
And managed to keep all her companions alive…
For now…
She might still be a monster in other people's eyes…
Even in her own…
In the end however, she couldn't stop…
Eliza just felt she had a lot that she needed to do…
A lot that she felt the need to share…
Nothing more…
If she didn't do it…
Who else will?
People can say she has hidden intentions…
Even her own mind can deem so…
But she was still confident that her decision was for the right reasons…
Otherwise… They all wouldn't be standing here right now…
Even if it hurts, there are things she has to let go of…
She had to look ahead…
Not backwards…
The past hurts, but that doesn't mean it has to wither her heart and dampen her spirit now…
It can be used as a guidance…
Something to teach her how to be better than the people in her past…
Better than the ones in the present…
So she can guarantee a brighter future…
So the bad things she knew could happen, will never happen…
Not just for herself, but for the people who count on her.
She had to look ahead not just for her sake…
But for the sake of others…
It gave Eliza more confidence in her actions and in her words…
As she expressed herself in front of everyone.
Even though it was painful to do so and her body loathed the very act…
She gave Mayrina a gift…
Not just from her words or a warm embrace...
What was thought to be a hug was a slight gesture to a bigger part of it.
Eliza gave a hug in confidence that she wouldn't commit any evil…
And she slipped the Amulet of Sylvanus in her pocket…
This woman might need it for extra protection…
Mayrina doesn't make the best decisions sometimes, but that doesn't make her a bad person…
She thought she was doing it for the right reasons…
She deserves a chance to survive, at least for her child…
This could help them in the future…
Mayrina better not lose it…
Elizabeth pulled away in her strain, let go of her, and gets thanked repeatedly before she got lost in a daze.
She peaked over to Astarion…
Only to be completely flabbergasted by the sight…
The pain in his eyes, the slight tremble in his lips…
Tears streaming down his face…
She's never witnessed this…
Nothing in her stunted memory has ever seen that expression before…
This was the first time she's ever seen him express true pain…
What happened?!
Was it something she said?!
Did she hurt him somehow?!
What's going on?!
What does she do?!
Was it her fault?!
Eliza was beginning to panic…
She needed to calm herself…
She noticed a pair of eyes on her, watching her closely.
She looked over to see Karlach with a wide smile on her face…
Wyll had the same expression…
Both of their eyes held a deep admiration in them…
Eliza looked away deep in thought…
Does what she say really mean that much?
She never felt like her opinion mattered before…
Are things different now?
She didn't know how to handle this indifference…
She didn't know what to expect anymore…
If things change too much…
…Will she ruin everything?…
…Will this world fall apart?…
…Is all of this real?…
…Is she real?…
…Is her existence a blessing…
…or a curse…?
All of these questions continuously ran rampant in her mind.
She deeply pondered each one of them.
Going into explicit detail of everything she can recall…
Of her entire life that she had no control over…
No control of what she remembered about it either…
No memory to truly cling to and believe as her own reality…
No matter how hard she tried to believe…
No matter how much she wished…
No matter how much she begged to any of the gods above…
She was still here…
Trapped within her own mind…
Locked within silence…
Forced to question her reality and true motives…
Her will was strong, but her doubts were stronger…
It's been winning the battle longer than she can remember…
She felt like she had lived lifetimes in silence…
She didn't want to anymore…
Suddenly, she was brought out of her daze as she was approached by her companions that looked at her with concern this time.
Karlach: "Hey little soldier, is everything alright?"
The bard gave a soft hum as she looked off in the distance with her reply…
Eliza:"Hm?… Wait… where did…"
Eliza started to look around and didn't see Mayrina in sight…
The warlock already knew her question and had the answer.
Wyll: "You kind of went… non verbal. She could tell you had a lot on your mind and gave you the best of wishes I haven't witnessed in a long time. You were in too much of a daze to even notice her leaving apparently… Is… Is everything alright?
The bard kind of felt numb to it all really…
She didn't know what to think…
It was all so much…
All at once…
Her brain couldn't keep up…
Eliza's expression grew darker as her eyes fell on the bodies around them…
She must have worn her answer clear on her face, since the warlock's expression changed to pity…
Eliza looked up at Karlach to see her desire to step close and even touch her…
But the barbarian kept her distance with a frown, there was a slight trace of fear in her closeness and sadness in her eyes…
Karlach: "I… I'm sorry… I wanted to stop you… I know you didn't want to do this… But-"
Eliza didn't hesitate to express herself for once as she cut in before more could be spoken.
Eliza: "Please, don't apologize. I don't want any of you to come near me if I ever become like that again. If you have no choice however… If I'm beyond saving - let me die or kill me quickly. I don't want to live on if that is to be your fate… I don't want to wake up and realize what I did… If any of us were to die, I would rather it be me."
Eliza took a deep sigh as she could see the hurt in their eyes from her serious tone.
She tried to give them a smile this time…
But it was hard to keep it…
Eliza: "I know you need a leader. If anything were to happen to me, I have no doubt in my mind that any of you could fill that role. Every one of you is strong, powerful, and capable. You will be more powerful together than any of you are alone… But… Truthfully… I don't want to leave any of you. I never want to bring you any harm… But when I'm like that, it's hard to think rationally… I would rather not have to clean up your remains after to bury them properly. I would rather not bring any of you back to have you look at me differently than you do now…"
She looked at them both intensely and sincerely.
Eliza: "I would rather die forever… than to ever live a reality without any of you in it."
She saw the surprise on their faces…
They seemed too shocked to even give a response, they were completely speechless.
It was all she had to say really…
So she did them the favor and got them out of this torture chamber.
On the way out she got a few collectibles and got out of there as soon as possible.
After a fight, a chat with a toad, and a long walk in the mud…
They were finally free from the swamp.
All she could think about…
No matter how much she tried to move past it…
…Was that damn kiss…
Her cheeks flush hot at the thought…
What was she thinking?
What if he didn't like it?
Or worse…
What if he hated it?!
…
Eliza almost panicked again, she needed to calm down…
So she tried to focus on other things…
Only to be completely thrown for a loop as she witnessed the distressed look on his face…
She was devastated to see the inspiration sucked out of him…
Astarion didn't hold his head high, his eyes were glued to the ground, and his shoulders were in a slump…
He looked like he didn't want to do anything…
He was a complete mess in comparison to his usual self…
Something was obviously wrong…
And she didn't know what to do…
So she figured the best option is to give him space…
Just in case she was the problem…
She led them back to the grove, and just as she got to the gate.
She realized what she had forgotten last time she was here.
Once she raced through the gate after it opened for them, she climbed up the ladder.
She made it just in time to crank back her crossbow and launch an arrow right into the Bugbear's skull.
Its body hit the ground before it could attack the unsuspecting tiefling.
It's a miracle nothing happened after all this time…
How did Eliza know this would happen?
She liked how she knew things…
But hated how she had no explanation as to how she knew or if it was real at all…
It could be some strange hallucination…
But everything that she predicts tends to happen…
She knew what she had to do to avoid it…
But she also knew what would happen if she didn't…
She knew every outcome and possibly…
But the more changes she made that were supposed to be outside of her limits…
The harder the future was to predict…
She still couldn't figure out if all of it was a good thing…
Or a bad thing…
The tiefling spoke with her and Eliza knew what to say.
So the bard didn't change a thing and followed a certain path of conversation.
She got to hear Karlach's excitement when the bard managed to get the soul coin through a little deception.
The bard and the barbarian have a chat about the soul coins' purpose for a little bit.
Eliza does feel on the concerned side about it, but remains on a set course.
She does her best to enjoy every moment though.
It all still felt like a dream somehow…
One she didn't want to ever wake from…
She prayed that she wouldn't change anything too much…
Eliza couldn't live with herself if she was the cause for everyone's demise…
With Karlach in mind she led the way to find the blacksmith.
Just like she expected…
They get everything taken care of and she has one last place in mind…
She feels it in her bones…
This had to be done before the sun went down…
Eliza walked up to hear someone attempt at a song.
She knew the squirrels weren't having a good time, so Eliza cut in while the bard was looking for lyrics.
Alfira: "Dance upon the stars tonight. Smile and pain will fade away. Words of mine will change- no. Become - ugh."
She looked about ready to give up…
But somehow Eliza knew all the words she wanted to say…
As she sang the melody out for her in tune with the words she was looking for in her own flare…
Eliza: "Words of mine will turn to ash…"
The tiefling looks up to her from where she sat with a shocked expression from the sound of her voice.
She continues the melody as if it was an epiphany and sung in tune from Eliza's voice.
Alfira: "Words of mine will turn to ash… When you call the last light down."
Eliza: "Moon reminds me of your grace…"
This time the words inspired her on and she sung it out in morning.
Alfira: "Moon reminds me of your grace… All the love I can't repay… Rest and know that I will pray… Farewell, my dear old friend."
Then the realization struck her as her voice gets excited.
Alfira: "Wait. That's it."
She quickly gets to her feet and starts to play the melody from her lute.
Eliza's smile was wide as it filled the air…
It inspires her own part to play as she takes out her violin and adds to the melody. Giving its own beauty that was unique and unlike anything she heard before.
They sound great together as they sing the words in harmony…
"Dance upon the stars tonight
Smile and pain will fade away
Words of mine will turn to ash
When you call the last light down
Moon reminds me of your grace
All the love I can't repay
Rest and know that I will pray
Farewell my dear old friend
Moon, sun, all remind me of your grace
Faith, care, all the love I can't repay
Moon, sun, all remind me of your grace
Faith, care, all the love I can't repay…"
They smile and play together perfectly, their instruments making a masterpiece that didn't exist before…
She never thought she would enjoy the sound of another person's voice so in tune with her own…
But the lyrics bring immense sadness to her as she lets them grip on her heart…
"Dance upon the stars tonight
Smile and pain will fade away
Words of mine will turn to ash
When you call the last light down
Moon reminds me of your grace
All the love I can't repay
Rest and know that I will pray
Farewell my dear old friend…
Dance upon the stars tonight
Smile and pain will fade away."
The song finished and the tiefling expressed her gratitude as she took her seat back on the rock.
Alfira: "That... That was incredible! It was like you knew that song better than I did... Thank you. I was having trouble… finding the words."
Eliza knew, but asked out of courtesy.
Eliza: "Who's the song about?"
The name left her mouth with a painful smile and was followed by a short silence before she continued.
Alfira: "Lihala. My teacher. And friend."
The tears left her eyes and she quickly tried to correct them as she put down the lute.
Alfira: "Sorry. Damn it."
Eliza knelt down to her level and placed a hand on hers…
Something came over her as she expressed her empathy in a whisper…
Eliza: "Never apologize for the pain of your loss. Losing someone you cared about never should be something you feel sorry for. They were special to you for a reason. At least she will know that she was loved wherever she is. It's okay to let it out, no one here will think any less of you."
The tiefling looked up at her in her shock, seeming to be deeply affected by the words as she let herself sob for a moment…
Eliza waited patiently for her to finish, then the words came soft but sincere…
Alfira: "I… Thank you… again…"
The tiefling breathes a sigh and once she is calm, she continues.
Alfira: "I haven't finished a song since Lihala died. Haven't played at all, if I'm honest. She was playing her lute. We… didn't hear the gnolls coming. There was so much blood. I-"
The expression on her face was recognizable…
The fear…
The terror…
The horror…
Before she even said a word she could see the truth behind her eyes.
Alfira: "I can still smell it."
Eliza thought it was best to end it on a pleasant note.
Eliza: "I'm sure your teacher would be proud to see you now."
The smiles finally returned to their faces.
Alfira: "Heh. She'd yell at me for that metre. And make me play it over and over again. And that exactly what I'm going to do: finish The Weeping Dawn - for her. I've a long way to go. But thank you… I… I needed this."
Eliza: "You have made a beautiful tribute in her honor."
The tiefling bard was surprised once more but only continued on with a blush.
Alfira: "Thanks. Lihala made me love music: the sound, the feel, the thrill… But when she died… it was gone. Until now. I'd forgotten what it was like: that itch in my fingers to perfect a song… Thank you once again… You have done more than I could have hoped for."
Eliza was struck with those words, they unleashed something within her…
The urge stirs once more…
Too sweet…
Odiously sweet…
The vomitus gall within despairs at her kindness.
It came with something else…
She could feel the deep sadness within as well…
The pain of that loss…
The forgotten itch in perfection…
All from the loss of someone dear…
Someone that was once an inspiration…
Became her downfall…
She buried herself in a deep darkness that she couldn't get out of…
She was trapped in that pit for so long…
Eliza still wasn't certain if she was free of it yet…
But she was hopeful that she will be someday…
For now… she had to commit the unthinkable…
She had to do what her mind told her…
She knew the cost if she didn't…
She didn't want to take that risk…
As much as it pained Eliza, she got behind Alfira while she sung her song…
Her new melody left her distracted and open…
An unsuspecting victim…
Alfira gets hit with the right blow to the head from Eliza's fist.
She knew where to punch and how hard to so she didn't kill the tiefling, but merely knocked her out.
Every single atom in Eliza's body wanted to kill her…
But she fought back…
She kept it all in…
Eliza didn't want to think about it as Alfira's unconscious body was lying there the way it was.
She tried to walk away, but she couldn't.
It looked to be in an uncomfortable position that would hurt her later…
So she quickly moved her into a more comfortable position before the urge could interfere.
Eliza went ahead and took the lute that didn't belong to her teacher.
Besides, Alfira didn't need two of them…
Eliza walks away with a weight on her heart but she still holds strong.
Even though it went against everything within her body to do so, she continues onward.
Eliza would never give into her darkness…
No matter how much it hurts…
Once the bard led them all back to camp the sun began to set in the sky.
They stroll in silence as they walk up to see familiar faces waiting by the lit fire.
They all look excited upon her arrival.
For once, she was shocked to see them all welcoming her with smiles…
It was heartwarming to see…
She visited them all by their tents one by one.
Speaking with them all, giving them each an ear to listen in case they needed it.
There was nothing out of the ordinary...
Except for Astarion...
But she couldn't talk to him...
She was still working up the courage just to look in his direction…
Eliza was terrified she would find another expression on his face that would tear her apart…
So she tried her best to focus on something else…
They all seemed shocked by the dried mud and blood all over her. So when she had the chance, she washed herself off with a rag and water bucket.
Eliza wasn't certain if she wanted to bathe in the river tonight, she figured her companions would like their own time by the water first anyway.
As predicted, the others eventually cleaned themselves by the river and changed into their night clothes.
Everything seemed normal so far…
But something inside her still felt off…
She suddenly felt an itch…
She sets down her things and grabs the lute…
She decided to take a seat by the fire…
Her hands took the instrument and a melody began to make her fingers pluck the strings…
The words came from within her and somehow gave her relief from her mind…
Eliza: "I held your hand in mine
Always all the time
Keep you on my mind
Keeps me on the line
And all I know
You picked me up every time that I fell
Made me the hero the stories you tell
Oh, you built me a castle to make me a king
You gave me your love so I'd be anything
All I am, and all that I'll be
I'll build the boat and I'll take it to sea
All that I am…
Is all that you made me…"
The woman in her faded memories…
A person that might not be real, but her soul knows of her existence…
She was everything Eliza ever needed…
She was there when no one else was…
This woman is the one that gave her a chance at life when others were ready to give up on her…
And now Eliza will never see her again…
She somehow knew…
So this song…
Was a goodbye…
Tears left her eyes as her voice sang out her sorrow.
Eliza: "You taught me how to sing.
Let that sunshine in.
Through the thick and thin.
Your love is everything.
And all I know
You picked me up every time that I fell
Made me the hero the stories you tell
Oh, you built me a castle to make me a king
You gave me your love so I'd be anything
All I am, and all that I'll be
I'll build the boat and I'll take it to sea
All that I am
Is all that you made me…
Is all that you made me."
With the last pluck of a string, the air filled with silence as the song finished…
She let the last of her tears fall as she stared into the open flames…
The glimpse of the woman in the green dress…
All she could see was a faded smile…
Hear a faint sound of her laughter…
Somehow words came to her and warmed her very soul…
"I only want the best for you. After everything you have been through… you deserve it more than most…"
Her sweet words, her tender voice….
The love was there in its purest form…
Words that didn't seem to have meaning at the time it happened…
Suddenly meant everything to Eliza…
"If you would be happier living in a world like that, as long as you're happy… That's all I want."
A sad chuckle left her lips…
It was a bittersweet feeling…
Eliza was happy to know that she was loved wherever she came from…
But it devastated her…
Because now she knows what she lost…
She knew somehow that it was something she gave up willingly…
Eliza knew she would never see her again…
And did it anyway…
Now she was a danger to everyone around her because of her brash behavior…
Her eyes widened as she stared deeply into the flames, reaching the realization of this life…
She finally knew why she was here…
Eliza did this to herself…
She wanted this life…
Now she has it…
Should she be wasting it like this after knowing what she gave up to get here?
She might not know the real reason behind the purpose of this life…
How she got here exactly…
Or how this world still feels like a dream every five seconds…
Eliza somehow knew that this world isn't real…
That all of this… wasn't reality in another world...
It shouldn't exist…
She shouldn't be here...
But she was…
…
That should make it all the more special!
Eliza gets to be here, right now!
Surrounded by all these people that she treasured so deeply…
People that she knew better than herself…
And yet…
This one woman that she barely has a clear memory of...
She was missed very deeply…
Eliza is morning over a person she hardly knows, when she should be feeling blessed for the chance she has…
She is lucky to even be alive in a world like this…
If that woman really is Eliza's grandmother in another life, she said it herself…
She gave her wish for Eliza's happiness in another lifetime…
Is it possible that Eliza is from another world?
This all could really just be one huge dream…
Cause how could one person just give up one life to trade it for another?
Was Eliza really that unhappy in her old life?
Would this even make sense if she ever explained this to anyone?
Probably not…
So maybe it's best to keep it to herself…
Even though she wanted to desperately share it with someone…
She unfortunately would get ignored or harshly judged for it, so it was best to keep these things to herself…
Besides, she didn't have proper evidence…
Only these fuzzy memories and the deep emotions attached to them…
All that she knew for certain…
That is if she did give up a life somewhere else to be here…
Why isn't she making a better use of it?
She should be doing what she wants to do the most…
And that was… well…
To be near someone very dear to her...
She felt eyes on her for a while now…
Coming from the same place as the person that lingers in her mind constantly…
Her eyes finally look over in his direction to be mesmerized by his view as he stood there at his tent…
She was shocked by his ruby gaze…
For some reason…
He was already staring in her direction…but…
His mind was occupied…
He looked lost in another world once more…
Finally, the curiosity overwhelmed her…
She had to talk to him…
She wasn't going to waste the chance she has been given…
No more excuses for the life she has been blessed to have…
She had to live it…
If not for herself…
It's for the people that she sacrificed to get here…
May they know joy and peace... wherever they are…
Eliza will do her very best to find it here while she still draws breath…
There was a reason she chose to be here…
Whether she discovers it or not…
She won't waste another precious moment…
So, she got to her feet, with enough courage to go over and talk to him.
His eyes stared right through her as she approached his tent…
She was standing right in front of him and he still seemed out of it…
It wasn't until she finally spoke up that he broke free from the spell he was under.
His eyes finally looked into her own, a hint of surprise was in them when she greeted him with warmth in her cheeks.
Eliza: "G-Good evening…"
As much as she tried to only look into his eyes, her gaze kept flitting between them and his lips…
He seemed in a daze again, not exactly staring into her eyes either…
Astarion wasn't staring through her this time…
She could see the light traces of…
Is that...
longing?
Even though it was obvious to see, she still wasn't certain if thats what it was. She also couldn't help but think about the looks he held before…
The ones he held in pain and despair…
It saddened Eliza to think that it was all because of her…
Suddenly, his voice snapped her out of it before she could get overwhelmed by her own thoughts.
He looked and sounded a little… nervous… actually…
Astarion: "I… I suppose you want to hear about Cazador…"
The look on his face shocked her a bit, he looked all the more eager to run away rather than speak of this…
This was strange...
He was setting off her future senses, this wasn't normal...
Wasn't this a little soon too?
As much as she wanted to say something about it…
She decided to stick to what she knows…
She still had fears of the unknown…
So she told him something that she would have said anyway since it was already an option, but spoke with more sincerity and concern.
Eliza: "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, Astarion."
His eyes widened at his own name…
Her heart fluttered as he stared at her for a moment, he looked away with a deep sigh, and then…
She gets weak at the knees when he has a more serious look, meeting her eyes once again, holding concern and hesitation in his tone.
Astarion: "I… don't want to say… anything really… but… That won't do anyone any good..."
…What is happening?…
He's saying similar things…
But he's not saying them with confidence or frustration…
He looks… anxious and… ashamed?!
What…
What did she do to him?!
Who is this person in front of her?
It doesn't look like the Astarion in her predictions…
She has already broken everything beyond repair…
Is all of this because-
She…
She should have never kissed him!
That was what caused this… right?
...What was she thinking?...
Well…
She wasn't thinking about anything really…
Mostly about his lips…
She still was apparently, staring right at them as they started moving when he spoke.
Snapping her back into reality as her face grew warmer…
Astarion: "Cazador Szarr is a vampire lord in Baldur's Gate. The patriarch of his coven and a monster obsessed with power…"
His voice is softer as of late…
Even his words sound gentle…
But his eyes held pain in them as he spoke more intensely on the subject.
Astarion: "Not political power or military power - I mean the power over people. The power to control them completely…"
Her heart feels hatred for the very man they were thinking of…
The same hatred he held as well…
That's probably why her expression shocked him a little before he continued.
Astarion: "He turned me nearly two hundred years ago. I became his spawn and he became my tormentor."
Eliza sighed as she looked at him without pity or shame…
She felt pure rage as she spoke her next thought…
But her voice spoke to him low and calm...
It was more of a statement than a question.
Eliza: "So you were his slave."
His eyes genuinely held sadness in them when she looked into them.
He looked at the ground before his reply.
Astarion: "A vampire's spawn is less than a slave. They're a puppet…"
The tenderness in his voice is so obvious, it was overwhelming…
He was expressing more emotion than she's ever seen in her entire existence…
Shocking her completely when she could practically hear the pain in his voice when he speaks…
Astarion: "We have no choice but to obey our master's commands. They speak and our bodies react - it's all a part of the deal…"
The despair she witnessed was unbearable…
It was as if he was reliving memories in his head…
She could see it on his face and hear it when he continued.
Astarion: "Sometimes he'd order us to submit to torture. Sometimes he'd… have us torture ourselves… Whatever his weathervane mood settled on."
She couldn't take it anymore…
Something came over her, and she made up her mind to step out of this box she placed herself in…
Astarion's POV
(Moments ago)
Her eyes…
They watched him immensely…
She had thought behind her gaze…
He could practically see how much she cares…
She listens to him and takes in the information…
She knows what to say, she is always confident in her words…
But for some reason…
It felt like she was holding back…
Like she was still afraid to get too close…
All of her actions, replies, and choices are carefully calculated…
Like she has to follow some form of rules…
She's doing it for some unknown reason…
And he despised it…
He wanted her to express herself…
The person she was hiding on the inside…
That's the person that intrigued him the most…
He wanted to see more of her…
But it was too much to ask for…
She didn't deserve to be burdened with his emotions…
She deserved the truth…
But for some unknown reason…
Emotions seem to be gripping in his chest…
It was tightening and his body felt heavy…
His mind went back to those moments of pure agony…
When he recalled the times he wanted to be relieved of the pain…
Then, he suddenly remembered the very night his life changed…
Astarion was strolling down the street after a very tiring day…
He just got done going through all the next cases for the following week…
He wasn't exactly mentally prepared for all that stress. So, he decided to just call it a night and head to bed…
Back to his empty home…
He had an odd feeling about tonight...
Every night before this one he had a feeling like someone was watching him...
But tonight...
Something feels...
...Wrong...
Then suddenly he is greeted by a few pairs of footsteps ahead of him.
He felt a slight chill in the air as he looked at their appearance and demeanor…
Their clothes hid their identities, but their intentions were obvious…
They weren't here for a friendly chat…
The three of them remove their hoods to reveal themselves…
Gur…
They were here for an extended means of justice…
Possibly for the results of a certain comrade that received the death penalty…
The look in their eyes said it all…
They want a life… for a life…
Astarion almost made a run for it until someone came from behind, stabbed him in the stomach with a dagger, then clocked him in the face, and knocked him to the ground.
The rest came and surrounded him…
He didn't even have the chance to beg as they started kicking and punching him mercilessly…
They don't spare him a single moment of mercy with each kick to the ribs and another punch to the face or gut.
He couldn't defend himself…
He couldn't do anything besides lay on the ground and take it all…
Astarion couldn't scream out anymore because it hurt to even breathe…
Suddenly, a voice in the alleyway frees him from the last amount of blows that would have finished him off for good…
The most sinister and terrifying voice he has ever heard in all his life…
"I think he's had enough… Leave him be… Or else."
Astarion's eyes were useless, he could hardly see anything after it all…
His vision was too blurry to make anything out as the blood oozed out of him. He barely had a glimpse of the feet of his savior as he steps closer.
Astarion then heard the Gur's footsteps when they retreated and felt hints of relief when he was finally free of them…
Now he was alone with whoever his savior was…
But for some reason…
He wasn't completely relieved…
The air has a heavier sense of death than when the Gur were beating him senseless…
Instead of joy…
He felt fear from the voice of his second chance at life…
"Mmm… You poor thing… At the prime of your life, just starting to make a name for yourself. What a fate - so far from friends and family… Dying in the street… Such a beautiful face… going to waste…"
Astarion's eyes widened as he struggled to breathe from the position on his side.
He fights through the pain when he moves to lay flat on his back and through his blurred vision he catches the glimpse of red eyes staring down at him…
With the glimmer of white fangs shining from a sinister smile in the moonlight…
The eerie air around the man begins to overwhelm Astarion…
Or perhaps it was the condition of his lungs as they tried to stop…
Along with every organ in his body as they slowly ceased to function…
His vision grew darker as the dark figure's next words consumed him when he knelt down to Astarion.
"Tell me… How does it feel?…"
The figure leaned in closer and Astarion could finally see the face of the man before him…
But it wasn't a man…
This being…
Was something far more twisted…
The sinister voice practically purred, a cold hand grabbed Astarion's chin, making him wince from the pain.
"How does it feel to die ugly and alone?"
Those words were like a stab to his already faintly beating heart…
He could feel death inching closer…
And all he could think about is what he could have done with his life…
He did things…
Things that were unforgivable…
Undeserving of any friends or even a family of his own…
Everyone in his past knows very little of his present life…
His own parents weren't aware of his career or where he lives…
Would they even be proud of the man he has become?
He has a house of his own…
That's great and all…
But he had no one to share his life with…
He had no one to share his accomplishments with…
Not one person to vent his frustrations to…
Not a single person to express his wishes or dreams to…
There wasn't one person in the world that he was proud to have in his life…
No one has earned the right to stay in his company…
Everyone comes and goes…
No one has been there to support him or fight beside him…
He was… attractive…
smart…
wealthy…
But he wasn't adored…
praised…
cherished…
Not by anyone…
Tears leave his eyes at the realization…
That no one would miss him when he dies…
It didnt matter if he was ugly or alone...
It finally dawned on him how much he was a ghost in his own life...
How easily he will be forgotten because he never amounted to anything for anyone...
Not even his parents might miss him, because they won't know where he went…
Any friends that are nearby probably wouldn't even notice if he disappeared since he was always busy…
He didn't have anyone that he wanted to live for…
His life was truly pitiful…
He hasn't even gotten the chance to know what true happiness felt like…
This creature before him… was right…
He was about to die…
Beaten beyond recognition…
Entirely lost to everyone that ever knew him…
Ugly and alone…
He didn't want that…
He wanted to live…
He wanted to be beautiful and surrounded by those he could trust...
He wanted the chance of that someday…
He wanted to someday meet someone that will adore every part of him…
Who will praise him for his accomplishments…
Who will cherish him…
Flaws and all…
He will never get to know what that feels like if he dies…
Somehow…
His 'savior' was already ready with the answer…
"You don't have to die… I have a solution… How would you like to live, not just for tomorrow… but for forever?... Live with me for eternity or die here in the streets… It's your choice."
He didn't think twice…
Through strain and pure desperation Astarion's voice struggles to leave his lips…
Astarion: "P-Please… I don't… want… to die."
There wasn't hesitation as the creature before him laughed maniacally…
Then his voice grew much darker, his breath was a kiss as cold as death…
"Then, now you are mine… and only mine… forever."
It was like two shards of ice in his neck and the world suddenly grew dark…
He could feel the cold shivers enter his body and the life of his heart draining out of him.
He felt it as his heart stopped beating entirely…
But his life did not end…
His soul still clung to this empty husk of a body…
He wanted to be wanted…
To be someone else's…
But not like this…
Then his world completely went dark…
Astarion never realized the price of immortality, what he was giving away so easily for something foolish...
Every single day after, he wished for death to take him…
Every single night he wished that he would have just died that night in that street…
So many weeks of endless torture…
So many months of constant suffering…
So many years of silence and misery…
He threw away everything for a dream…
He could have died in peace, but instead he lived out his existence being treated worse than vermin…
He gave away his mortality to a monster and became a victim to excruciatingly unspeakable things...
He bet it all on the hope that living forever would be his salvation…
But it was his doom…
He was forced to become the monster he despised…
All for the hope that someday he would finally be free...
...and be accepted for who he was…
After so long of what he endured, it only made sense to give up…
He just wanted to be heard…
To be seen…
Without any need to aquire something in return…
It was too much to ask for apparently…
No one like that exists…
Some dreams are just too far out of reach…
Just when he was about to abandon his despair and lock away all his emotions once more…
He is suddenly shocked by the tight embrace of a pair of arms…
His arms spread out in his surprise as he feels the gentle squeeze and warmth of her body…
He suddenly gets overwhelmed by emotion as he looks down at her with wide eyes…
His vision blurred as he could feel the tremble in her body and the sadness in her words…
Elizabeth: "I wish… I wish I was there for you when you needed it…"
His eyes overflowed with emotion as she looked up at him with her own stream of tears…
He could both see and hear the sincerity of her words…
Elizabeth: "I'm so sorry you had to face it all alone."
It wasn't an apology out of pity or obligation…
It was a genuine gesture out of care for him…
She genuinely wished he had never suffered at all…
He could see it in her eyes…
She wanted to take away all his pain…
Every bit of it…
She cared for his well being…
Enough to try to comfort him in his times of grief…
She embraced him so casually, laying her head against his chest without hesitation or regret…
A person she hardly knows…
Someone that was once a stranger to her…
She has treated him with familiarity since the moment they met…
Not once did she give him a threatening gesture or harsh word…
Never has she judged him for his nature or shamed him for his actions…
Except for the times his actions put himself in harm's way…
That's the only time he's seen her angry in his presence…
She was a puzzle…
One that seemed utterly impossible to solve, trying to understand her is a challenge sometimes…
As much as he understood some of her actions…
Others were a complete mystery…
Just like this moment…
He didn't know what came over her to do something like this…
Surprisingly...
He didn't dislike it...
It was... pleasent...
It didn't feel forced or have a need to be compensated...
It was a simple act that didn't hurt, it didn't cause physical or emotional harm...
It wasn't something he earned or deserved...
However, it did become apparent...
It was warm and comforting...
He felt... safe... and appreciated...
Eventually he caved and finally returned the hug…
His hands wrapped around her small frame and he felt his chest beginning to pound…
His eyes were still flowing with tears…
But he somehow didn't feel ashamed…
They just kept coming as he let himself get lost in her sweet embrace…
It felt so nice…
Just to be held with no obligation for anything in return…
A simple hold between two people that enjoy the comfort of the other's company…
He's never had exchanges like this before…
No one has ever openly given him a hug…
Not like this woman has…
On multiple occasions…
Elizabeth must really like hugs…
Although, for some unknown reason, he enjoys every second of it too…
For a long time, he feared the touch of another. There were times he would be sickened by even the thought of someone's embrace…
Now, he couldn't get enough of it…
He wanted to squeeze her tighter even…
He wanted to stay here forever…
Breathing in her sweet scent and feeling the warmth of her body pressed up against him…
Suddenly his cheeks felt warm because of them being this close…
The memory of their lips touching plays faintly in his mind…
Now he is overwhelmed by his deep desires…
But… he mustn't give in…
He can't…
He shouldn't…
As much as he wanted to give in, he knew that it was the right thing to stay away…
Finally, he pulls back and breaks free from her spell…
Trying to create distance so he couldn't smell her intoxicating aroma…
But no distance could keep the smell from him…
Nor could it keep away his desire…
She was still the sweetest, kindest, and most caring person he has ever met…
But also the strongest, the bravest, and the boldest person he's ever met…
Elizabeth is a bloodthirsty bard and a trained killer...
but she was still breathtakingly beautiful…
Nothing could stop this pull he feels whenever he's with her…
But... He liked the way things are now…
So, he shouldn't ruin it…
They were standing in front of each other in a short silence once again…
The hug is over… but that doesn't stop the desire to pull her back in…
To feel her arms again in another sweet embrace…
No matter how much he wanted to, he knew he shouldn't…
So, he remained strong…
Elizabeth looks up at him with confusion, but doesn't object in the slightest when he tries to continue from where he left off…
Astarion: "Thank you… but this isn't about sympathy… It's about knowing what we might be up against. The mind flayers aren't the only monsters out there. And they might not be the only ones hunting us. All I'm asking is that you keep your eyes open. And watch out for anything lurking in the shadows."
Little did she know, even he was included in this warning…
Astarion wanted her to keep her guard up, even around him.
He was suddenly surprised by a soft smile as she gave him a confident look with her reply.
Elizabeth: "I'll watch your back, always. I promise, I won't let you down… ever again."
His eyes widened from her words…
He could feel her gaze doing something to him…
Her words made his chest thump in response…
She meant it…
Elizabeth was dead serious…
Even in his warning, she was still dedicated to watching over him…
She genuinely doesn't see him as a threat…
But… she doesn't look at him like he's just a companion either…
Her eyes stare at him with a certain desire of her own….
And that makes it worse for him as he tries to deflect her attention…
He gave a smile when he asked rather sheepishly…
Astarion: "W-What more could I ask? Now, is that all?"
Elizabeth stared at him with bewilderment…
Her eyes…
They held thought in them once more…
But for some reason…
He could only stare down…
...Her lips…
They were so soft before…
So warm…
They were just…
Perfect…
Perfectly plump and she tasted sweet too…
He wanted to kiss her…
Over and over again...
But then her voice halted all thoughts completely as he got brought back to the world around him…
She seemed hesitant to ask…
Elizabeth: "Are… Are you feeling alright? Is something wrong?"
She…
She asked how he was doing…
She wants to know how he's doing…
Really?
Was something wrong with his behavior?
Was he really acting that strange?
He didn't know how to respond honestly…
No one has ever asked him how he was feeling…
Astarion: "I… I'm alright… Right as rain."
He tried to give a smile, but it mustn't have been very reassuring.
Because it didn't seem to calm her worries…
Elizabeth: "Are you sure?… It's just… I noticed that you didn't seem to be doing very well earlier… It seems to me that something may be bothering you… So I wanted to make sure that you knew that I will always be here… If you ever have need of me… No matter what it is, I want to help you."
She looked up at him with a smile and with her hands over her heart…
He could feel something inside his own chest start to race…
Was it his own heart?
He hasn't felt its presence in so long, he forgot what it felt like when it raced…
He forgot what it felt like to feel like this at all…
What is this feeling?
He couldn't recognize it…
Whatever it was…
He couldn't stop the smile that escaped him as he tried to give his reply through uncontrollable laughter…
Astarion: "Hehe… You… You're something else…"
Elizabeth was as sharp as always…
She saw right through him…
She could see the struggle he's been in…
He should have known she would intervene…
Elizabeth was always eager to help…
He didn't exactly hide it that well either…
He couldn't help it…
Something has come over him lately…
He hasn't been himself at all really…
Is she the culprit?…
There wasn't any other explanation…
There's not anyone else that plagues his mind constantly…
No one has ever really spent longer than a minute in his mind…
So far, Elizabeth has been running circles in his head since the day they met…
It's so strange to think about someone day and night…
It felt different to worry over someone or get nervous in their presence…
It was unusual to be completely overwhelmed by simple words or phrases…
It was hard to wrap his head around that she became the one thing he can't live without…
And the one thing he has to avoid at the same time…
It was a difficult concept…
He desperately wanted to be near her…
But he had to stay away…
For the sake of her happiness…
All while sacrificing his own…
Whatever this was that bound him…
Whether it's obsession or delusion…
Or if a higher power is at play here…
It is strong…
Whatever or whoever is responsible for this cruelty…
They were on the top of his list…
He wanted to make whoever has the strings of fate pay for their incompetence…
Why must he suffer more?!
Astarion has endured much worse than this…
And yet nothing compares…
…
Who was he kidding?
It was all his own fault…
When Astarion finally got his freedom, he vowed he would take whatever he wanted…
He promised himself from then on that he would never let anyone stop him from getting what he desired…
But here he was… stopping himself from getting what he desires…
No one told him to…
It was his choice to keep away…
And it was agonizing…
Whats come over him?
He was beginning to wonder why he was putting himself through this...
Maybe it's because...
She wasn't his prey anymore...
He didnt want to hurt someone he cared for...
It's been a long time since he cared about anything besides himself...
But... If he cares for her...
Why stay away?
Then, when he looked down at her gentle gaze that looked up at him with wonder and confusion…
He then remembered its purpose…
To give her less stress and peace of mind…
Not make it harder for her and give her a miserable life...
To ensure her happiness and a bright future…
Not a sad future withering in the dark, dead and cold.
To give her the life she deserves to live with the little time she has left…
Not steal those precious moments and fill them with heartache...
They all had a clock…
Eventually it will stop…
He needed to cut off what's between them while he still could…
Or else it will hurt…
Much more than it does now…
He tried to calm his mind and… his heart…
Back to his usual carefree self…
Putting on a blank expression to try and hide the fact that he wanted to do nothing but talk to her about it…
Astarion: "It's nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over, darling… Now, why don't you go relax by the fire? Sing some songs to pass the time perhaps. I'm sure no one would mind hearing one or two before we call it a night. It's been a long day for all of us, we should just rest… We have plenty of time to chitchat another night, I'm sure of it."
She stared at him with an unreadable expression for a moment in silence…
But her response was stiff and the tone in her voice was unclear.
Elizabeth: "Right… of course… I guess… It would be nice… Goodnight then, Astarion…"
She turned to leave, and spoke softly over her shoulder to him…
Elizabeth: "I hope you have good dreams."
A smile grew on his lips as he watched her walk towards the open flames…
He spoke out his farewell, then the last part was loud enough for only himself to hear…
Astarion: "Goodnight Elizabeth, I hope you do as well… But my dreams will only be good… if you are in them."
His dreams were normally nightmares…
Elves didn't have normal dreams either…
He doubted he'd ever have a good dream unless she was there…
Astarion decided he should get comfortable and write a new entry in his journal…
He needed something to distract him after sending her away…
One of the hardest things he ever had to do for some reason…
Then, before he could even get the quill and ink, a song filled the air.
The night was embraced by her lovely voice as she sang her words out into the world…
Words that captured his attention and stole all thoughts as he stared at her in awe…
Elizabeth: "Little runaway, the world's never easy
You're so good at bein' down on yourself
And the fog makes it harder to see me
You don't know where to reach out for help
Oh, you're gold, but you don't even know it yet
We could go, maybe both forget
Won't you come and we could stare at the stars
And look at the comets from the ground where we are
Little runaway, I know it's been hard
You're tryin' your best, but you keep fallin' apart
There's a universe in front of us
That knows how small we are
Won't you come and we could stare at the stars
From the ground where we are…"
He watches her silhouette sitting by the fire playing the lute…
She was facing away from him, but he felt as if the words were meant for him…
He sits down and listens contently to her as her song speaks to him…
Elizabeth: "You could hide from everyone, but I'd know you
Put your pain on me any day
Though you still have some trauma to go through
I'll make it easier for you to see the way
Oh, you're gold, but you don't even know it yet
We could go, maybe both forget
Won't you come and we could stare at the stars
And look at the comets from the ground where we are.
Little runaway, I know it's been hard
You're tryin' your best, but you keep fallin' apart
There's a universe in front of us
That knows how small we are
Won't you come and we could stare at the stars
From the ground where we are, oh
Ooh, mm…"
His head rests on his hand as he gets lost in her melody, his journal completely forgotten as he lets her song occupy his time…
Completely hypnotized by her very existence as her voice hits notes that are just right…
Elizabeth: "Won't you come, we could stare at the stars
And look at the comets from the ground where we are
Little runaway, I know it's been hard
You're tryin' your best but you keep fallin' apart
Lay your problems right here, let them all disappear
From the ground where we are."
Many tears have left his eyes shamelessly today...
After so many years of holding them all in, they come pouring out of him uncontrollably as of late...
They drip now from his chin, but he pays them no mind...
Something came over Astarion, he wanted to go over there and talk with her…
But then, another voice calls from a distance as they approach the bard sitting in front of the fire.
Elizabeth remains seated as she looks in the direction of their unsuspecting guest.
???: "Hark! Hark! A camp, and, Oghma-willing, friendly faces."
Elizabeth got to her feet and approached the half-naked deagonborn without caution.
???: "Well met. Goblins roughed me up and stole my horse when they heard me singing Hatchling Love. You wouldn't have half a bedroll for a lost minstrel, would you? I can pay for my board with music. I heard your lovely voice before I stumbled upon your camp. Perhaps a talented bard such as yourself wouldn't mind the company I keep."
His leader tilts her head as she stares up at the Dragonborn with a smile.
Elizabeth: "Who are you? If you don't mind me asking of course."
The half naked reptile was happy to oblige.
Quil: "Quil Grootslang, soon to be published in the songbook Affairs in Ancient Abeir: Songs of Draconic Love. If I make it to Baldur's Gate with my manuscript, that is."
Her voice held concern.
Elizabeth: "Its dangerous to be traveling alone."
Quil: "Sigh. I know. Its not the first time I've been robbed. I am only glad I didn't get hurt."
Astarion watched his bard smile brightly as she welcomed the Dragonborn without hesitation.
Elizabeth: "Our camp is open to those in need. I'm sure there is space for you somewhere."
The rogue rolls his eyes at her generosity, he shouldn't have put it past her to welcome someone else into their camp…
Although…
Something seems off with his bard…
but much more than usual...
Elizabeth looks on edge even behind her warm smile.
Something must be going on, but she's too proud to ask for help…
So he decides to keep an eye on her from afar and the night becomes more interesting as it progresses…
I'm so happy to have finished another chapter, I have this fanfic on my mind constantly. I can't wait to write more! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Songs:
'Weeping Dawn' by Borislav Slavov
'All That You Made Me' by BANNERS
'Little Runaway' by Benson Boone
Until next time, my lovelies!