"Okay… calm down… let's do it the way we're used to," Dr. Cass said gently. "Close your eyes and try putting yourself back in that moment, in that situation. You're in control. Take a deep breath, and then tell me what you saw and how you felt."

Erin nodded slowly, eyes fluttering shut.

Her breath hitched.

And suddenly—she was back there…

Her heart freezing when he called her name.

Dropping her coffee, feeling pathetic.

His eyes working their magic when they met.

Their nervous smiles.

The sadness when he said he came to say goodbye.

Walking to the coffee shop, hypnotized by his smile.

The electric shock when their hands touched.

The fear when he said he was going to Bolivia.

The pain when she saw the black ring.

Breaking down in the ladies' room—learning he was married—to Hailey.

Coming back, ashamed of her reaction.

His smile when she returned.

Her heart sinking when he said he would be gone for eight months.

Her anger when he admitted he left his wife without looking back—like he had left her.

The confusion when he said he never loved his wife.

The hesitation when she invited him over.

His relief when she told him she was not married.

The confusion in his eyes when she promised to respect his marriage.

The tension when their hands brushed in the taxi.

The silence—and burning desire—in the elevator.

His jaw dropping at her apartment.

The way his eyes softened when he saw Det. Chuckles.

The mischievous smirk when she told him she needed to strip and shower.

The burning sensation in the shower, wishing he'd break in and push her against the wall.

His guilty smile when she saw their picture back up on the shelf.

The sadness when she told him about Bailey.

His startled face when she told him to keep the ring on.

The confusion when she said he had to convince her to let him go.

Him on the couch. Too close. Too warm.

Worrying about him going back to the army.

Breaking down again, telling him she wanted him to stay in intelligence so Hank would keep him safe for her.

The way he cradled her face. Almost kissed her.

The way she pulled away—because of the ring.

Him apologizing—holding her tightly.

His surprise realizing she still cared.

Eating pizza together.

Him switching their beer to give her the colder one—the little things.

Him asking her if she was pregnant.

Him explaining why he quit Intelligence.

Her saying she was drowning in work.

His relieved smile when she said she never had anything with OA.

Him telling her how he and Hailey got together.

The shock of knowing he was going to propose to her when she moved to NY.

Him hugging her on the couch, and her falling asleep on his shoulder.

Her asking him to stay the night.

Him saying he wasn't strong enough to share the bed.

Sleeping on his chest anyway. The best sleep she's had in five years.

Waking up—terrified he was gone.

Relief—when she found him in the shower.

The way his body made her forget how to breathe.

His cockiness watching her struggle.

That tiny drop of water tracing his skin, setting her on fire.

Him wearing her shirt.

Him telling her he had waited hours for her.

Her telling him about the nightmare and about calling Hank for reassurance.

Him telling her to call him directly instead.

Him calling her babe, making her melt.

Almost kissing again.

Him making pancakes.

Playing with fire with that whipped cream.

Her whole body tensing, hoping he'd kiss her.

Him giving her a plate with a heart.

The sexy look in his eyes as he cleaned her lips with his finger.

Him confessing she was the reason he stayed at Intelligence.

Her telling him about her job with the FBI.

Her asking him not to say goodbye.

Them talking on the couch again, so much closer.

Him gently placing her legs on his lap.

Worrying as he talked about his mission.

Soothing him to sleep on her lap.

Him smiling with closed eyes as she stroked his hair.

Her nervously cooking lunch for him.

Him blown away by her meal, saying it was better than his mom's.

Him saying he could marry her just for her meals.

The sadness in her heart, pointing out he was already married.

Her breaking down in his arms again.

Him telling her he was never in love with Hailey, and that he knew what love felt like.

Him hugging her tight until she stopped crying.

Having lunch, drinking wine.

Her forgetting everything, kissing his neck from behind.

Fighting with all her strength to pull away again.

His disappointment looking at her lips.

Watching the game together.

Cycling between serious talks and flirting.

Telling him about her UC name and about being partners again.

Watching the sunset together.

Eating the leftovers for dinner.

Her heart breaking when he checked his watch, knowing he had to leave.

Him hugging her goodbye without saying it.

Her feeling defeated, saying she had failed him.

Him telling her she gave him a reason to come back.

Breaking her promise, throwing herself into his arms, kissing him.

The world stopping while they kissed.

His arms around her. His hands on her neck and waist.

His lips on hers.

Breathless.

Desperate.

Consumed.

Trying hard to never break that kiss.

Them panting breathlessly staring at each other.

Her lying saying she was sorry.

The sadness seeing Hailey's name on his phone.

The tenderness when he kissed her lovingly.

The unspoken promises.

His hands shaking when he gave her his dog tags.

The emptiness as the door closed, taking her heart with him.

And then the tears… endless tears.

"Too much… it was just too much," Erin finally whispered, eyes fluttering open. Her voice was barely audible, but the weight of it pressed against Cass's chest like a stone.

"Too much… I can't…"

Her breath was erratic. She started to hyperventilate.

She rubbed her temples, the weight of the day pressing down on her. Her thoughts were a tangled mess, emotions crashing against each other, too intense, too overwhelming.

She closed her eyes again, as if trying to block out the flood of memories that kept replaying in her mind. How could a single day be both perfect and devastating?

How could he have been here—and now, gone?

Dr. Cass sat silently, waiting patiently, her presence comforting, but the silence felt heavy. Erin took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling quickly as she tried to piece together her thoughts.

"It was just so…" she trailed off, searching for the words. She glanced at Dr. Cass, her brow furrowed in confusion, her fingers gripping the edge of the couch. "Surreal… magical… and heartbreaking. And I miss him so much…" Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke, the ache in her chest growing.

She closed her eyes again and reached for the dog tags. Squeezing them between her fingers. Pulling hard. Hard enough to feel the pain on the back of her neck.

"Hey.. hey… easy… breathe, Erin. Just breathe."

She opened her eyes. Looking at Cass as if for a moment she had forgotten that she was even there.

Dr. Cass leaned forward, her tone soft but steady, trying to anchor Erin in the present. "Okay, now tell me what happened… he came to your place?"

Erin nodded slowly, her eyes unfocused, as though still caught in the haze of the day's emotions. "Yes," she whispered.

"How…? Did he just show up?" Dr. Cass asked, her voice gentle, careful not to overwhelm her.

Erin shook her head, running a hand through her hair in frustration, struggling to organize the chaos in her mind. "No… we came in together…" She paused, biting her lip, hesitant, like she wasn't sure how to explain what had happened. "From the coffee shop…"

Dr. Cass tilted her head, sensing the confusion in Erin's voice. "You met by chance in a coffee shop?"

Erin let out a small. "No… No. We went to the coffee shop… so he could buy me another coffee…"

She sighed heavily, pressing her hands to her face, as if trying to wipe away the memories of the mess she'd made. "After I dropped mine all over myself."

"But where did you meet? How did you find him?" Dr. Cass asked, her voice soft but insistent, trying to pull Erin out of the whirlwind in her mind.

Erin blinked, still trying to sort through everything, her mind racing. "He found me," she said, her voice quieter now, almost in disbelief. "He waited all day in front of headquarters…"

Her lips quivered as she recalled the moment, a small, wistful smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "He called my name, and I dropped my coffee…"

Dr. Cass' brow furrowed as she watched Erin's smile, knowing the pain buried beneath it. A smile masking devastation.

"So that was Friday?"

Erin nodded, her gaze distant, still lost in the memory. "Yes."

"And you've been crying like this since Friday?" Cass pressed gently, guilt creeping into her voice. She should have checked in sooner but she was out of town, that was why their meeting was supposed to be by video conference. "Why didn't you show up for your appointment if you were like this?"

Erin hesitated, her eyes dropping to her lap, fingers twisting around his dog tags. "I… I forgot…" she mumbled, voice thick with guilt. "He was here… sorry…"

The apology came out more as an explanation, like she was trying to make sense of it herself—like she couldn't fully grasp how the day had slipped away.

"He was here? Yesterday too? He came back?" Cass asked, leaning forward slightly, sensing so much more beneath the surface.

Erin's breath caught, chest tightening.

"He never left…" she whispered, almost to herself.

Cass froze. Never left?

"You spent the night together?"

Erin nodded, but her eyes flickered. "Yes."

"But you said nothing happened between you two?" Cass asked, her voice gentle but probing, trying to piece together the disjointed mess of emotions spilling out.

Erin's face tightened for a second—like the question had unsettled her.

Nothing?

Nothing—but everything at the same time.

She bit her lip, trying to hold back the swell of emotions.

Cass hesitated. Then, carefully added:

"Despite the red laces…?"

Erin's face softened, and she let out a small, nervous laugh.

"He didn't get to see them…" she murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

Dr. Cass tilted her head, the pieces slowly coming together—but something still didn't quite make sense.

"So he slept… on the couch?"

Erin's eyebrows lifted in confusion. Surprised that Cass didn't seem to get it yet.

She shook her head slowly, her lips trembling.

"No…"

Cass caught the shift in Erin's voice, in the way her body tensed ever so slightly.

She softened, giving her space, waiting.

Erin's swallowed hard, like she was forcing the words out.

"We slept together."

A quiet statement. Barely above a whisper. Like a confession.

Cass blinked, keeping her expression unreadable as she processed it.

"But you didn't have sex?" she asked, voice careful, steady, making sure not to push too hard.

Erin shook her head instantly, a flash of frustration and self-loathing crossing her face.

"No."

Cass studied her carefully.

"Even though you wanted to?" she prompted, voice gentle now, watching for the signs—the flickers of pain, of hesitation, of something Erin wasn't saying out loud.

Erin nodded. Cass could sense her tension in the way she was breathing..

"I made a stupid promise…" she whispered, her voice cracking, her eyes shimmering with the weight of it.

Dr. Cass frowned slightly, watching Erin's body language, the way her fingers twisted anxiously at the hem of her sleeve.

"Because you wanted to take it slow?" she asked carefully, coaxing without pushing.

Erin's breath caught—her eyes flickered up, frustration and helplessness fighting for space on her face.

"No…" she whispered. "Because I made him keep the ring on."

She swallowed hard, the weight of her own words crashing over her.

Cass's brows knit together. What?

"The ring?" she asked, confused now, tilting her head. "Wait—what ring? You said before that he was married? So… he never got a divorce from Abby?"

She hesitated, piecing together what she thought she knew. "But you never mentioned any ring…"

Silence.

Then—Erin's hands trembled as she wiped at her eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop.

"He did…" she croaked. "He divorced Abby."

She took a deep breath.

"But then he got married again."

Her voice faltered on the last word.

Another tear slipped down her cheek.

Cass blinked, her stomach dropping.

"Wait…" she said, leaning forward slightly, eyes narrowing. "He got married to Abby again?"

Erin nodded, slow. Shaky.

Her lips parted, but her voice was barely there.

"No… To Hailey."

Cass froze.

She exhaled slowly, letting it settle. Letting it sink in.

"His partner?" she asked carefully. "The one who replaced you in Intelligence?"

Erin's gaze darkened—her whole body stiffening.

For a moment, Cass wasn't sure she was going to answer.

And then, finally—her voice hollow.

"Yeah…" A humorless laugh, quiet and bitter. "I guess she really did, huh?"

A pause. A tear.

"…Replaced me in all possible ways."

Dr. Cass's frustration rose, her protective instincts kicking in. "So if he is married… What the hell was he doing here sleeping with you?" The words came out harsher than intended, a mix of concern and anger—definitely not the doctor talking now, but just an upset friend who couldn't make sense of it.

Erin recoiled, her shoulders slumping as she struggled to keep it together. "He said he wanted to say goodbye…" she whispered, barely able to keep her composure as the tears flowed freely again.

"WHAT?" Dr. Cass nearly shouted, her hands gripping the armrests of her chair as she leaned forward, unable to contain her shock. "He showed up in your life just to mess with you? To hurt you and leave you again? To go back to his wife?" The words rushed out before she could stop them, the concern for Erin overshadowing her professional detachment.

Erin's eyes filled with pain, and she pressed her hands to her face, letting out a strangled sob.

"No… he…" She choked on her words, tears streaming as the thought of him leaving again sent her spiraling.

Cass's breath hitched.

Shit.

Erin wasn't angry. She wasn't even defending him.

She was breaking.

And Cass had just made it worse.

Her chest tightened as the professional side of her slammed back into place.

"Hey… sorry…" she said quickly, her tone dropping, softer now. "I shouldn't have said that… as your doctor…" She exhaled, leaning in, trying to undo the damage, trying to reach Erin through the wreckage.

"I'm here, okay?" she whispered, offering quiet reassurance. "I'm right here."

Erin shook her head slowly, brushing the tears away, but they kept coming. She couldn't stop them.

"He's not going back to Hailey…" she whispered. "He said he never loved her…"

Cass exhaled, trying to process that. "But… they're still married?" Her voice was quieter now, carefully controlled, even as disbelief curled around the edges.

Erin nodded, her face crumpling under the weight of the truth. "Yes…"

Cass hesitated. Paused a little too long.

"Then… why?" she asked, before she could stop herself. "Why would he marry her if he didn't love her?"

The words slipped out before she could reel them in.

Erin bit her lip, fingers twisting the fabric of her sleeve. "He said he was lost…"

Cass felt it. The sharp pang of judgment she wasn't supposed to have. The thought was already there, sitting in her mind, pressing against her professional detachment.

This was wrong.

The whole damn thing felt wrong.

Jay had made a choice. A choice that had hurt Erin—had left her shattered. And now, he was here, in her bed, in her head, breaking her all over again.

Cass inhaled slowly, forcing down the reaction that wasn't hers to have. This isn't about you. This is about her.

She pushed through it, softened her tone.

"I understand."

More supportive this time. More present.

For Erin's sake, she had to.

After a long pause, Cass took a deep breath. She needed to stay calm. She needed to be who Erin needed right now.

"Okay…" she started slowly, carefully. "So let me make sure I understand this." Her voice was gentle, as she tried to make sense of everything.

"He waited for you outside the bureau. You went for coffee. You invited him over. He spent the night. You slept together—but you weren't intimate because he's married."

She let the words settle, her eyes never leaving Erin. Waiting. Watching.

Erin's gaze dropped, fingers twisting in her lap. Like she was trying to shrink under the weight of it all. Cass was making it seem so simple, but it was far from it.

"If by intimate you mean sex… yes… that's kinda what happened…" she murmured, her voice barely escaping her lips.

Not with guilt. Not with regret.

Just sadness.

Cass nodded slowly, absorbing that, letting it sit. Intimate yes, but no sex? "You're saying you didn't have sex, but you…" she hesitated, trying to find the right way to ask without breaking her apart more.

"…Did he kiss you?"

Erin's breath hitched. Her fists clenched.

"I broke the promise because I couldn't take it anymore…" she whispered. A pause. A tremor in her voice.

"I kissed him… and then he left."

Cass's brow furrowed. That didn't track.

"He left because you kissed him?" She asked incredulously.

Erin shook her head fast, too fast, her hands wiping at her face in a rush. "No… he kissed me again after Hailey called…"

Cass stilled. Her brows knitted together. Something wasn't clicking.

She took a slow breath, her frustration just barely contained.

"Erin…" she said carefully. "You're not making any sense, honey."

Erin looked away. Like she was bracing for impact.

"We just… kissed," she admitted, her chest rising and falling unevenly. "Like we couldn't help it."

Cass's stomach clenched trying to process it. Couldn't help it?

"But when we couldn't breathe anymore," Erin continued, her voice even smaller now, "his phone rang… and it was Hailey, but he ignored her."

Erin closed her eyes, her breath unsteady, trying to ground herself. She could sense Cass's confusion, so she tried to start again.

"He waited for me," she murmured. "And I invited him over because the coffee shop was closing… and I wasn't convinced he was okay."

A pause. A slow, shaky breath.

"That I should just let him go…"

Her voice broke on the last word, the vulnerability cutting through.

Cass frowned slightly, watching her closely. There was something else. "Convinced of what?" she prompted. "Go where?"

Erin's lashes fluttered as she opened her eyes, but they were distant now. Unfocused.

"To Bolivia," she whispered. Like saying it out loud made it real.

Cass stiffened.

"…Bolivia?" she repeated, her voice slower this time. "Why the hell is he going to Bolivia?"

The frustration was creeping in. Not at Erin. At him.

Erin swallowed, her fingers digging into the hem of her sleeve.

"He rejoined the army," she said quietly. "To find himself again."

A pause.

"But he looked so sad…"

Her voice trembled.

"So lost…"

"How long is he going to be there?"

"8 months"

"When is he leaving?"

"He's already gone… he was already late to his flight when he left here last night… He just went to the hotel to get his stuff and then straight to the airport."

Oh fuck.

Cass exhaled slowly, steadying herself. "Oh. He literally just came to say goodbye?"

And break her again in the process. Geez!

"Yes… he waited for me all day to say goodbye."

Cass took a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions—and the will to just scream at Jay—from showing.

"Okay, go on…" she said carefully. "So after the coffee shop you invited him over?"

"Yeah…" Erin's nod was small. "That was after I ran away to the restroom crying…"

Her lips pressed together, her entire body tensing.

"…After I saw the ring when he held my hand."

She shuddered. Her hand moved on instinct—gripping her own finger.

Like she could still feel the weight of the ring that was never there. That was never hers.

Cass saw it. That tiny, unconscious movement.

"You broke down in front of him?" she asked, her voice quieter now, shifting closer but not too close. She knew Erin. She knew how hard it was for her to let her emotions show.

Erin nodded fast, her hands wringing together in her lap. Her voice was barely there.

"I… it hurt just so much…"

She exhaled, her eyes dropping. Then—her lips parted slightly, and suddenly, the emotions shifted.

"And Hailey…" She shook her head, hard. "It feels like she ended up with everything that was mine."

Anger. Sadness. Bitterness. All tangled together in her voice.

"…Everything I ever wanted."

Her jaw tightened.

"Everything I ever dreamed of."

Cass's heart clenched.

Erin sniffed sharply, wiping at her eyes quickly.

"And I know it's all my fault…" Her voice dropped to almost nothing. "…But it still hurts."

Cass didn't hesitate this time.

She reached out, gently placing a hand over Erin's. A steady weight. A grounding touch.

"It's not your fault, Erin," she said softly. Firmly. "We've talked about this. Countless times."

She held Erin's gaze, unwavering.

"You weren't the one who walked away first… You can't blame it all on yourself."

Erin shook her head, a sad, self-deprecating smile tugging at her lips—but it didn't reach her eyes.

"…Still," she murmured. "She got it all."

Her voice cracked. Like the truth of it was just sinking in.

"But when I invited him over…" she hesitated, rubbing her forehead. "…He thought I was married too."

A humorless chuckle escaped her lips, but it lacked any real amusement.

"Because he heard OA calling me 'Bell.'"

Erin let out a short laugh—forced, breathless.

"Anyway… We came home," she continued, her voice quieter now. "And we spent the whole day together."

Her eyes drifted—not quite looking at anything.

"…We slept together. Well, I slept on his chest… he held me all night… our legs tangled…"

She confessed, not hesitant. Just matter-of-factly.

That sounds pretty intimate actually. Cass thought, without interrupting.

"And we talked…all day…"

Her arms wrapped around herself, slowly, unconsciously.

"…And we… flirted."

A small, wistful laugh slipped out.

But it barely had time to linger before it faded.

"…It was like he belonged here."

Her chest rose and fell, her body barely holding still.

"…Like we were never apart."

Cass didn't speak. Didn't move. Just watched her carefully. Letting her sit in it. Letting the weight of it settle.

She understood it now. The tangled emotions—the longing, the heartache, the hope.

All of it.

She had been on a rollercoaster of emotions—he had appeared out of nowhere when she wasn't expecting it, and then? Just like that, he was gone.

Cass didn't speak. She didn't push. Not yet.

Because Erin wasn't just hurting.

She was stuck.

Stuck between the past and the present.

Stuck between the love he had just reignited and the pain of seeing him slipping away from her life again.