Thaigs, Nightmares and Ambush

Three days into their journey to Cadash Thaig still had Oghren reeling. Torph didn't blame him. He remembered his and Narascha's first time seeing the sky, feeling the snow and the rain fall from it. It was bloody insane. He was happy to be back on the surface though. It was a fucking relief actually.

"Shayle of House Cadash..." Shale murmured. "I was a dwarf once... I find this difficult to believe..."

"I think you must have been a kick ass warrior like Nara is," Torph said.

Shale remained silent for a long time after that, before turning to him.

"I must ask you, bald dwarf, why did you all choose to side with Caridin? You did not know for certain he would be able to assist with the dwarves," Shale said.

"I thought I made my answer clear enough back down there," Torph said. "I know who would be chucked on to that Anvil. My lot would be some of the first, then Bhelen's political rivals, and then more poor sods. I wasn't about to let that bastard get anymore power over people's lives."

"It was quite the risk. I'm pleased it paid off," Shale said.

Torph shrugged. "Hey, if it didn't work, then we'd still lie, right, Lawrien?"

"No idea what you're talking about," Lawrien said cheerfully, grinning wide.

"At any rate it gave Caridin the end he wanted, and I am pleased to be apart of it," Shale said firmly.

They were delving deeper into the mountainside after finding an opening above ground. Shale seemed to know exactly where they were going thankfully. All they had to do was kill the darkspawn lingering about until they reached a giant ass statue of a dwarf with names and dates.

The names and dates of all those that became golems.

It was a tribute to them.

"There is my name!" Shale gasped. "Shayle of House Cadash, just as Caridin said. I... I remember now... I remember Shayle... she was me..." Shale's voice soured. "I was so squishy..."

Torph cackled.

"I will need to think on the things that I have learned," Shale said. "But these names... this is the only record of them all, at least everyone here who volunteered to become golems."

"Do you want me to send a copy to Orzammar?" Narascha asked.

"I..." Shale nodded. "Yes, the Shaperate should know. It should be apart of history."

"Perhaps I should make a copy too, then send it out with a messenger in Redcliffe," Cobian offered. "It shall be safe with my journals."

Narascha grinned. "That would be good. Thanks, Cobian."

.:.

Lawrien jerked awake when she felt pure grief and pain hit her. Instantly she grabbed her cloak and climbed out her tent, leaving Narascha and Ciara behind, fast asleep in their bed rolls. Shale was guarding their camp, as was Epona, but it was neither of them that were drowning in their turmoil.

It was Zevran. Zevran who sat at the edge of their camp, deep in thought.

"Zevran?" she called out.

He jumped, startled as he whirled around. His eyes were wide, his hands shaky, but he forced a quick, easy smile into place.

"Ah, hello my dear Warden Commander. Not sleeping well?"

She walked over and he made room for her on the log, letting her sit down by his side. "I felt you."

Zevran's eyes widened in realisation before he sighed. "I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you-"

"I'm glad you did. Now you don't have to be alone," Lawrien smiled. "Nightmares then?"

"I... I haven't told you about why I came to Ferelden but... you already know... don't you?" Zevran murmured, he looked almost shy and scared, and she could feel the twinge of both, embarrassment for admitting his feelings, fear for hate and neglect. "I killed Rinna, Rinna who I thought was the love of my life. I thought I'd never love again, especially not so soon but..." he shook his head. "I'm an assassin. I take my pleasures where I can."

"Yet you love Faren," Lawrien said softly. "That's not a bad thing, Zev."

"Of course it is." Zevran glared, bitterness rolling through him. "Everything I love I destroy. My mother, my friends, Rinna. They're all dead. If I get close to all of you, if I let myself love Faren I will kill him. Just as I did them. I don't want you dead. I don't want Faren dead. I care for you, brasca I'm starting to care for most of these fools!"

He gestured back to the tents. "That shouldn't be possible. With the Crows you had no friends, there was no one you wanted to protect. I failed that ideal. I wanted to protect Talisean and Rinna and I failed both of them nonetheless."

"If your mother was like any other she would have adored you, Zevran. Don't take her death on to yourself. That would just shame her legacy." Lawrien frowned, even as Zevran flinched. "You are her legacy."

"But I killed her..."

"She choose to have you. There are plenty of ways to get rid of a baby, Zevran." Lawrien grimaced. "It happened often enough in the Circle. They didn't even get a chance to feel anything... they just flickered away..."

Zevran frowned. "You felt them?"

"A little. I felt their life stir and then go out," Lawrien admitted. "Those were sad days. Myra hated those days the most. She would always hide in Irving's room and refuse to come out."

Lawrien sighed. "I can't tell you what Rinna felt for you, Zevran. Not in her last moments. But if it's anything like Faren does then she would have wanted you to press on. To find your happiness."

Zevran shivered. "They are awfully alike at times..."

Lawrien smiled. "Really?"

Zevran chuckled. "No, not really. Rinna was always a planner. Faren typically reacts within the moment. He also steals a lot more. Kind of like you, except far more subtle."

"I have no clue what you're talking about," Lawrien laughed, nudging his side.

Zevran nudged back. "Of course not, Lawrien."

He softened though, leaned against her arm even as his hand fiddled with a dagger. "So, you really think my... my mother... you think she would have loved me?"

"I think if she decided to keep you, despite all the risks, then she would have." Lawrien wrapped her arms around Zevran's. "I can't say if she would be proud of you. I don't even know if mine was or would have been."

Zevran was wavering, that made Lawrien cling to him tighter, hoping the added touch helped comfort him somewhat.

"I don't know if I believe she loved me... but I like the way you look upon it. It does... It makes sense..."

"Not used to that from me, huh?" Lawrien joked.

Zevran chuckled. "Logic is not something you tend to use often. That's for sure."

"Zevran, no matter what. Know that I'm proud of you," Lawrien said. "Even when you think you're alone. Remember us."

Zevran flinched. But then he clung to her, burying his head in the crook of her neck. His hair tickled, but Lawrien melted into the embrace, even as he cursed.

"Damn you. Why did you have to make me think about all this?" Zevran hissed through clenched teeth, a sob escaping him.

Lawrien reached up and rubbed his back. "Because you're my friend, and I love you. I love all of you."

"You give your love far too freely."

Lawrien shook her head. "No. I just know who the right people to gift it to are. My being an empath, no matter how much trouble it can cause, has always been my best gift. I don't have to use charming words like Faren, or study people like Ciara, I just know."

"And does that make your life easier?" Zevran asked quietly.

"To make friends?" Lawrien tilted her head, pondering the thought. "Possibly? But I've always been a social person. Myra is the opposite of me. She doesn't like that many people, despite how she can feel them as I do."

"How strange considering you're sisters."

Lawrien grinned. "She's the best."

"You are too, Lawrien," Zevran said. "I am thankful that it is you who leads the Grey Wardens now. I know many of you miss this Duncan I have heard of, but you have been a fantastic leader. Never doubt that."

Lawrien smiled thinly. "I try not to, but he would probably have been a lot more sensible about some of the things that we've done than I have."

Zevran snorted. "Really? With everything we've had to deal with? I think the poor man would have flung himself off the nearest cliff."

"I wouldn't blame him!" Lawrien laughed. "He had been tempted to do that a few times because of all our antics. We drove him crazy when we were altogether in Ostagar."

"Yes, I-"

Faren suddenly screamed. "Holy shit!"

Zevran was instantly on his feet. "Faren?"

"BALLS!" Torph cursed. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

Alistair ran out his tent, yanking on his armour. "Did you all feel that?"

Epona frowned, her arrow notched, bow tensed. "What's wrong?"

"The Archdemon!" Ciara came stumbling out her tent, as well as all the others.

"What's going on?" Oghren groaned, rubbing his face.

"It looked at us!" Torph yelled. "It fucking looked at us!"

"That can't be possible, but Duncan said as we sense them, they sense us," Cobian rambled, pacing, while Morrigan stared at him with wide eyes. "I didn't think our bond was that close..."

"What did?" Lawrien frowned. "What looked at you?"

"The Archdemon!"

Epona gasped, then her eyes widened. "IT'S AN AMBUSH!" she yelled.

Immediately a swarm of shrieks flooded their campsite. Zevran yanked Lawrien down just in time, saving her throat from being clawed out. Faren's dagger immediately sunk into it from behind, as arrows flew across the camp.

.:.

Morrigan in wolf form tackled a darkspawn trying to attack Epona from behind. In return she fired another one down that charged at Morrigan. There were many, but thankfully their numbers over powered the ambush, leaving only one left, one that simply stood there. Watching. Waiting.

"This one isn't moving..." Alistair said hesitantly, as Epona approached his side.

"That makes it easier to-" Torph began.

Epona's breath hitched.

No. No it can't be.

Lawrien froze, staring at her with eyes wides. "No..." she whispered.

Epona approached slowly, hesitantly, and Tamlen watched her, his hands shaking, eyes, vacant from the taint, watching her warily. Tears burned in her eyes, but she dropped her bow and reached up, gently caressing Tamlen's cheek. He immediately softened against her.

"I... I am sick..." Tamlen said shakily, his voice rough, but she recognised it. How could she not? This was her heart. This was her bonded.

She would recognise him anywhere.

"Tamlen," Epona whispered weakly. "I... I... You're alive..."

How was he alive? The taint had nearly killed her, but for him, it was transforming him into a shriek. Was this... was this what would have happened to her? Or would she have just outright died?

"Epona, what's wrong?" Leliana called out.

"That's a darkspawn, Epona, be careful," Alistair pleaded.

She heard Lawrien make a sickly noise. She sounded like she was in agony, but Epona couldn't look away from Tamlen. She feared that if she blinked he would be gone again.

"Epona..." A shaky hand raised up and stroked her cheek. "Vhenan..."

"Ir abelas, Tamlen." Epona breathed out, shaking her head. "I never should have left that forest. I should have stayed. I should have searched more."

"Oh shit," Oghren cursed. "Dalish... Dalish you need to get away him and back up. He's been tainted too much."

"No." Epona shook her head, cradling Tamlen's face. "Tamlen. Vhenan. I am so sorry."

"That's- Oh, Maker..." Faren's voice broke. "Epona..."

She caught Zevran wrapping an arm around Faren's waist just out the corner of her eye, trying to comfort him. Epona stroked Tamlen's cheek, his rough, gaunt face.

"W-We can help you. W-We'll help-"

"No! C-Can't... help me... the song... in my head... He sings to me... calls to me... I can't stop it... So beautiful..." His hand reached up, running through her ponytail, rubbing the strands between his fingers. "E-Epona... Lyna..."

"Our baby girl is safe," Epona soothed, smiling shakily. "She's home, with Keeper Marethari and Merrill-"

"G-Good..." Tamlen trembled against her. "I don't... I don't want to hurt you, vhenan... I... I need you to stop me..."

"I can't..." Epona said shakily, tears stinging her eyes. "I can't hurt you, Tamlen. I love you! I've always loved you!"

"I've always... I've always loved you too... I'm so sorry... I can't... please..."

Epona drew her dagger with a soft whimper. He was in so much pain. She had to, but she couldn't stop shaking, her stomach sank and she felt dizzy and light headed. Epona flinched when Ciara's hand took her own, and gently slipped the dagger out of it. Their eyes locked and Epona bit her lip.

"Ciara-"

"Let me take this burden from you." Ciara's eyes hardened. "Let me help."

"This isn't fair. It's not fair!" Epona wept. "I just got him back..."

"I know," Ciara said softly. "And this is a final goodbye. You were given a chance to say goodbye, Epona. The chance you didn't get before."

"This is cruel," she choked. "This is by far crueller."

"Then let me be your strength in your time of need," Ciara said firmly.

"Epona... please..." Tamlen pleaded. "The song... so loud..."

Epona breathed in deep and nodded. "It's okay, Tamlen. Lyna is safe, I am safe. I love you. I will always love you. You can rest now. You don't have to worry about us. We're going to be okay."

She drank in the sight of him right up until Ciara pierced Tamlen's heart, and they both laid him on the ground. Epona pressed a kiss to his forehead and leaned back, grabbing Ciara's hand when she stood up.

"Thank you," Epona managed out through the thick lump in her throat.

"There's no need to," Ciara said softly. "I wanted to spare you more pain."

"Still I will thank you for ending his pain," Epona said, searching about. "I... I will need to perform his funeral rights."

"Take all the time you need," Ciara said, squeezing her shoulder gently. "And if you need any help-"

"I will ask for it, but right now I feel that this is something I need to do myself," Epona admitted, and carefully hoisted Tamlen's arm over her shoulder, lifting him up despite the shakiness in her body.

She felt so sick right now.

"I'll return soon," Epona reassured.

.:.

"Who was that?" Alistair asked once Ciara returned to his side.

"Tamlen was her husband... or bonded..." Ciara sighed. "He was infected by the Taint when Epona was."

"I... oh poor Epona..." Alistair said, his face falling. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

"Burn these bodies and clean up the camp," Ciara said. "She'll return when she's ready."

Ciara had other business to take care of. Lawrien was long gone, and that was never a good sign. Epona's anguish must have overwhelmed her emotions, and now Lawrien was probably drowning in them.

"Lawrien went that way," Zevran said, when he saw her searching about. "Do you-"

"I'll go after her alone. Please guard the camp," Ciara said, and followed after her sister.

It didn't take Ciara long to catch up. Lawrien was shuffling forward slowly, hunched over, in absolute agony, but she still decided to get away from camp first despite that.

"Lawrien-" Ciara called out, rushing to her side.

Lawrien retched. Ciara leapt forward, dragging her hair back as Lawrien was sick, tears pouring down her cheeks as she gave choked up sobs, heaving with every breath she took.

"I've got you." Ciara breathed in, forcing her mind to calm, to ease, to try lessen the burden on Lawrien. "I'm here."

"It hurts! It hurts so much!" Lawrien cried, curling up, struggling to breathe and Ciara held the panic back, tearing it down and leaving only a calm blankness.

Lawrien didn't need her fear. She needed Ciara's strength.

Ciara, half hugging Lawrien, grabbed her hand tightly as she tugged her away from the bile. She kept telling Lawrien that she was here, that she wasn't going anywhere as Ciara dragged them further away from camp, ignoring the warning voice in her head that it was dangerous, that there could be more darkspawn.

There was no whispers in her head and Lawrien was her priority. Always. She had already lost Dexter and Jowan. She refused to lose anyone else.

Ciara continued on for about ten minutes before Lawrien's legs collapsed, her cries echoing in the darkness. Ciara grimly held her up and leaned against a tree, letting them both slid down it until Ciara sat on the grass, Lawrien nearly tucked in her lap.

"If you need to let loose do it. If you just need to cry then go for it. I'm here no matter what." Ciara said, watching as Lawrien pulled back, her eyes red and puffy.

A spark of fire flickered within them and Lawrien let out a scream, full of rage and anger and tears and fire interrupted from her, slamming against the trees, setting them alight. The fire swerved round Ciara, not an ember licking her skin. Ciara immediately countered the fire, forcing a wave of calmness through the forest, dismissing the flames. Her Templar abilities smothering Lawrien's magic trying to burn down the forest.

She did this for what felt like hours, never once telling Lawrien to stop. Ciara remained calm throughout it all, knowing that Lawrien needed to work out all the pain she had been hit with from Epona, Tamlen and Leliana.

Leliana who had looked crushed the moment she realised who Tamlen was.

The fire was slow to stop, but once it did Lawrien stared down at her, sobbing quietly. Ciara opened up her arms and immediately Lawrien threw herself into them, crying into her shoulder, her nails dug into her back and Ciara ignored the mild pain.

"...I can't believe how much this hurts..." Lawrien whispered weakly. "Epona... She loved him so much and he loved her and Leliana is hurt for both of them and herself..."

Ciara sighed. "Leliana loves Epona."

"She has a crush, not sure if it is love yet though..." Lawrien admitted. "And Epona doesn't know how she feels at the moment about any of us."

"A whole mess of feelings huh?"

"...Yeah..." Lawrien nodded. "Can we stay here for now? I'll be the Commander later..."

"I know you will."

.:.

It took an exhausting three hours to return to camp. Mostly everyone was still awake, patrolling the campsite, but Ciara got Lawrien back into their tent and cleaned up, then laid down to rest, before climbing back out their tent again. Narascha was asleep in there too, and it looked like Torph and Zevran were back in bed too as was Morrigan and Cobian. Calenhad was sniffing the ground, and Faren watched the direction Epona had carried Tamlen away too.

Ciara retreated to the outskirts of the camp, trying to hold herself steady, but her own pain was beginning to crumble in. There was dried blood on her nails. Tamlen's blood. The thought nearly made her hurl as her eyes stung.

She hadn't wanted to kill him, but Epona had been falling apart, and so had Lawrien. Ciara hadn't wanted them to suffer anymore pain.

"Ciara...?" Alistair approached slowly.

Ciara wiped away the tears with a quick brush of the back of her hand. "Yes?" She turned around, and he looked pained, in agony even, and Ciara really didn't know if she had the strength to shoulder one more burden tonight.

She had killed Tamlin. She had killed Epona's bonded. Lawrien had felt all of that and couldn't help but break down. Ciara had to be strong for both of them, but she had just needed a moment to compose herself. Just one moment.

"I don't understand how you could do that..." Alistair admitted.

"I'm a cold hearted woman," Ciara said smoothly. "My emotions are easily manageable."

"We both know you aren't cold." Alistair's brow furrowed.

"Right now I'd rather be." Ciara looked away towards the ground, her fists clenched tight. "It would be so much easier not to feel a thing."

Alistair softened. "I am so sorry."

"Whatever for?" she asked.

"That you shoulder too much," Alistair said softly, and Ciara stiffened when he pulled her into a hug. "I am so sorry, Ciara."

Ciara sighed heavily and closed her eyes, laying her head against his neck.

"I am more sorry for the pain Epona had to go through," Ciara murmured. "My pain will heal faster, but hers? Epona deserves better."

Alistair nodded, sighing heavily. "She really does..."