I walked out through the double doors of the Ipswich ED waiting room, leaving Brandy and Bandit to discuss whatever it was the Blue Heeler had wanted to discuss. As I started towards the staff lot I thought about what they could've been talking about. Somehow, though it sounds silly now, I knew it was about me. Possibilities were running through my head, most of them self-detrimental. Are they cross with me? What is this going to mean for Brandy and I? She was super nice inside, like always, but that was in front of people. What will she say in private? Am I too much trouble? I did my best to push those thoughts from my head, knowing they did me no good. As I was walking, sort of unsteadily (still getting used to the casted tail), I focused on the environment around me, an attempt to take my mind off of things. Now being the middle of the night, it was downright freezing outside. My fur did an okay job at insulating, but I still couldn't wait to make it to the car. The sky was pitch black with no visible stars, obviously a product of the big city's light pollution. A jet plane passed overhead, barely audible at its cruising altitude, but still marked by the contrast of its flashing lights.

After a few minutes of walking I found Brandy's black Jeep, which unlocked with a press of the key. I got into the passenger seat and waited. Inside the car there was little to keep my thoughts from wandering back towards those questions. One surfaced more than the others: Would Brandy give me back? Of course from an outside perspective that seems like a ridiculous question, but I knew better. It was a common theme among the previous families I'd been a part of. At the first sign of trouble they'd send me back. Fight at school? Sent back. Argument at home? Sent back. I didn't mind much (or at least that's what I told myself), because frankly I didn't want to stay with anyone that would give up on me so easily. This time was different though. My opinion had shifted, because I loved this family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the best group of cousins I could ask for. In the short week I'd known them they'd grown on me more than I ever could've imagined. However, none of that would matter if Brandy didn't want me. Bandit was probably telling her how I'd snapped at the kids and scared them off. What if the kids didn't want to see me again? If I lost this family there was little hope I'd find another before aging out of the system, condemning me to solo life. I realized too late that my heart was starting to race. Nothing like a good ol' existential crisis to set off a panic attack. I'd spent the last six hours or so keeping it at bay in the company of others, but now my anxiety was getting the better of me. Unfortunately I had these kinds of attacks fairly often, and usually they were pretty mild.

Not this one.

My breathing quickened, becoming short and rapid inhales that barely drew in any oxygen. My heart was beating out of my chest, a rhythmic thumping that I could feel in my ears, which had started ringing in the silence of the Jeep. I felt like I was dying, my own body betraying my efforts to calm it down. I was filled with an insurmountable dread that even I could not pinpoint the origin of. Thinking back to what I'd been taught by the caretakers at the adoption center, I tried to take deep breaths, but each one would hitch in my throat before it did any good. Then the thing I was scared of most happened, the interior lights of the Jeep blazed into life as Brandy Cattle opened the driver side door. The panic set in even deeper as I desperately tried to calm myself down before she saw what was going on. It was a catch 22 I had no chance of escaping.

"Oscar?" Brandy asked confusedly, seeming not to have caught on to the situation, as she looked upon my sorry state. Her stunned moment of confusion didn't last long, and the Red Heeler lept into questioning, "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"No! I'm not okay!" I snapped with much more venom than I had intended. Even Brandy seemed taken aback, flinching slightly at my sudden outburst. I was filled with a burning hate, not for her of course, but for myself. My stupid, stupid self. Seeing her reaction I felt another wave of guilt crash into me. It felt like I was drowning, both figuratively and literally. Brandy's eyes filled with concern, and she quickly stepped into the car, shutting the door behind her. She reached over and took my trembling paws into hers and spoke again.

"Oscar," she said calmly, "I need you to look at me." Her voice was cool and determined with a hint of warm concern, demanding immediate compliance. I looked over at Brandy, unable to make eye contact, but just seeing her face was enough to calm me a little. "You need to take some deep breaths in and out," she instructed, "Do it with me." She started counting, inhaling deeply as she did so. I followed the Red Heeler's lead, inhaling and exhaling in sync with her. Before long the quick and panicked breathing was replaced with racking sobs as I broke down in front of the Red Heeler. I took my paws from hers and buried my face in them, letting the warm salty tears soak my fur. The overhead lights of the Jeep began to dim, leaving the parking lot lamp posts and the moon as the only illumination inside the vehicle.

"I'm so stupid!" I reprimanded, "So, so, so stupid!" Brandy placed one of her paws on my back as she tried to soothe me. I felt so silly, a 16 year old bawling like some petulant child.

"No you're not!" Brandy exclaimed, her voice filled with worry, "Can you please tell me what's wrong?"

"I messed it all up!" I explained through bouts of tears, "Everything was going so well and then I messed it all up...Like I always do. You're gonna send me back and I'll never see you, Chilli, Bandit, the kids, or any of the others again..." Brandy was silent for a moment. Her mouth worked, but no words came out. It was as if she was stuck, so startled by what I said that she couldn't find the words. Instead she pulled me into the tightest hug I've ever felt in my life, placing her muzzle on my shoulder. I didn't resist, not that I could've even if I wanted to. I continued sobbing into her, my tears soaking her cream colored fur and nurse scrubs where my face met her chest. We stayed that way for a while, Brandy rubbing my back while I bathed in the palpable love she radiated. It was the closest and most intimate contact I'd had with another dog in as long as I could remember, and it just felt right. Eventually my crying slowed, simply because there were no more tears to shed. Brandy finally spoke up,

"I would never do that to you Oscar, or the rest of the family. I don't think you realize how much we've all come to adore you this past week," she reassured, still rubbing my back, "Why would you think I'd give you back?" The question was simple and open ended, but I still found it incredibly hard to answer. Not because I didn't know, but because it hurt to talk about. However, I figured there was no point in holding back now.

"Because...it's what's been done before," I finally answered as I averted my gaze, "It's the status quo. A family adopts me, something happens, and then they give me back. It doesn't matter how sorry I am. It never does. I guess I'm just cursed to be alone." Brandy took her paws from my back and placed them on my shoulders, pushing me away so we were face to face. This time I met her eyes, and she gave me a very serious look,

"Oscar, this WASN'T your fault, and I wouldn't care even if it was," she said, "I'm not that shallow. I know this sucks, and I know it's not fair, but these things happen. I feel like a broken record because I know you've heard this before, but it's true! You need to stop blaming yourself!" I stared into her eyes and could immediately understand the sincerity of her words. I didn't know what to say, but the look on Brandy's face made it clear I didn't need to say anything. She gave my shoulders one last squeeze before letting go and grabbing the car keys from the center console where I'd sat them only a few minutes earlier. I sat still for a moment, turning her words over in my head before lying back in passenger seat as the Jeep purred to life and began to move. Despite my best efforts to stay awake, I was absolutely exhausted, and sleep soon took me.

Brandy Cattle smiled as she glanced over and saw her adoptive son sound asleep in the passenger seat.It'll do him good,she thought to herself as she drove through the now dark streets of downtown Brisbane,I can't even begin to imagine the roller coaster of emotions he just went through.The Red Heeler surprised even herself with how much she had grown to care for the German Shepherd. Though far from the family image she had set for herself so long ago, Oscar was turning out to be just who she needed in her life. The two had imprinted on each other in such a short amount of time. Brandy was glad she was able to calm the boy down, but somehow she knew it wouldn't be the last time those feelings surface. Oscar so far hadn't opened up a whole lot about his past, this latest insight being the first. Of course Brandy had been informed of the situation by Mrs. Greystone at the adoption center, but there was no telling how much might still need unpacking, especially regarding Oscar's late parents. Whether the German Shepard would be willing to talk about it at all was another question in itself; Only time would tell.

Brandy shook the thoughts from her head and took another glance at her adoptive son.Has he even eaten yet?She asked herself, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer. Not feeling like cooking anything, Brandy decided to stop and get something on the way home. As they pulled into the driveway of Brandy's quaint little home, the Red Heeler shut off the Jeep and let out a small sigh, finally feeling able to let loose after such a long day. She reached over and shook the still sleeping Oscar's shoulder,

"Wakey wakey sleepyhead, we're home," she said in a teasing tone of voice. The German Shepherd, still clearly half asleep, groaned but slowly got out of the car, catching himself on his seatbelt as he did so. Brandy silently chuckled to herself and got out as well, keys in one hand and Macca's in the other. She ascended the steps to the front door while Oscar followed behind, slightly swaying with the imbalance of his knackered tail. The lock clicked satisfyingly and she stepped inside, closing the door behind the German Shepard as he did the same. "Okay, eat something and then straight to bed," she commanded as she handed the bag of food to Oscar, who responded with a grunt of acknowledgement and started up the stairs to his room. Brandy gave another sigh before plopping down on the couch as she normally did after a long shift. She pulled out her phone and thumbed open the messenger app, intent on talking to her sister.

Brandy: You still up?

Chilli: Unfortunately yes, still waiting on hubby to come to bed. How's Oscar doing?

Brandy: He's a trooper, no arguing that. Tail breaks are no joke, but he took it like a champ. Are the girls okay?

Chilli: That's good to hear. Poor Muffin was an emotional wreck. Took me almost an hour to get her calmed down. The other three are fine, but there were a lot of questions.

Brandy: Well I'm glad they're doing okay now. I'm sure none of them were ready for that. Speaking of emotions though, I need some advice.

Chilli: Bandit mentioned to me what he heard from Oscar and what he told you, is it about that?

Brandy: Yeah, I already spoke with Oscar.

Chilli: And how'd that go?

Brandy: Depends on your viewpoint. It certainly didn't go as planned.

Chilli: What happened?

Brandy: When I got out to my car I found Oscar in a full blown panic attack.

Chilli: That's awful!

Brandy: He convinced himself that I was going to send him back to the adoption agency because of what happened. He thought he'd never see me or any of the family again, and it broke him.

Chilli: Why on earth would he think that?

Brandy: Apparently it wouldn't be the first time, not even close.

Chilli: I see, and what did you tell him?

Brandy: I assured him that wouldn't happen and made sure he knew this wasn't his fault. I think I got through, but not before he exhausted himself crying.

Chilli: Poor guy. It might not seem like it now, but this is a good thing.

Brandy: Why's that?

Chilli: He let you in, which means he must be getting comfortable to some extent!

Brandy: I know what you mean, but it sure didn't feel good in the moment.

Chilli: I get that, and take everything I say with a grain of salt because I have zero experience with teens, but I think he's really bonding to you.

Brandy: I guess you're right, but I'm just wondering if I handled the situation correctly. It broke my heart seeing him like that.

Chilli: And that's how I know you're bonding to him too; you feel for him. Don't worry, you did good, just keep being there. He needs someone as amazing as you in his life.

Brandy: Thanks sis, I really appreciate it. And by the way, I'm sure you wouldn't do this, but please don't share any of this. It was a vulnerable time for Oscar, and I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with me if he knew I told you.

Chilli: No worries, it's safe with me. Good night.

Brandy: Night