JOKE'S ON YOU

Based upon "Diesel's Plan" and "Thomas' Trick" by Andrew Brenner

Adapted by Zack Wanzer and James Riddle

Set during Series 20-21

Most engines on the Island of Sodor love taking people on journeys. Whether they be regular passengers, rail enthusiasts or tourists from far away, the engines always strive to make sure that these people enjoy safe travels. However, there are a few such exceptions.

"I just can't stand people these days!" Mike grumbled one morning. "Some passengers had their children with them yesterday, and while some were well behaved, there were others who were acting like complete monkeys! But do the parents correct them? No! They just tune them out, and expect us engines to do the same without flipping our lids!"

"They're just being high spirited," insisted Duck. "Might happen to any young one."

"'High spirited', my tender," scoffed Mike. "Give me goods trains every time!"

"Oh yeah?" asked Rex innocently. "What about that time you had to stop on a loop line due to a hot axlebox?"

"That wasn't my fault!" argued Mike. "And it was a repeat occurrence at that! Thank goodness we cured that nonsense."

"You mean Mr. Duncan did!"

"So? It's the same thing!"

"Do you two ever get bored of teasing each other?" Bert asked.

"I think that if they did, life on your line would be rather dull!" chuckled Duck. With a blow from his whistle, he set off with his ballast trucks.

Later that day, the three engines, alongside Frank and Sigrid, were resting in the yard.

"I honestly wish Mr. Duncan would stop assigning me to passenger trains," said Mike. "I'd prefer to be permanently put on goods trains. I swear, every time one of us takes a passenger train, there's always someone complaining about us, or making fun of how small we are!"

"We've all got to take passengers at some point, Mike," protested Bert. "Our line isn't solely dependent on bringing ballast to the other big railways!"

"Bert's right," agreed Sigrid. "Our railway also offers lovely scenery for passengers to enjoy, as well as stops for them to picnic. I mean, it's not like you three never did anything to disrupt their journeys."

"She's right too, you know, Mike," Rex added. "So far, the four of us have been able to keep the passengers pleased on our trips."

"What about me?" asked Frank, who always hated feeling left out. "I took your passengers when you failed, Rex, and the passengers and Mr. Duncan were pleased with my efforts."

"You just happened to be in the right place at the right time," huffed Mike. "And besides, don't bother hoping you'll get to pull passengers like the rest of us. You're only a maintenance engine!"

Frank was furious. "I pull ballast trains too!" he snapped. "Or did you suddenly forget that I helped out on both while Rex and Bert were out of action?"

"Only because you were the only other engine powerful enough to help," retorted Mike. "No disrespect to Sigrid here and the Blisters, of course, but we were built with the right pulling power for longer, heavier trains."

"Oh yeah?" snorted Frank. "Well, anything you can do, I could do better. Just you wait and see!"

"And how, exactly, do you plan on doing that?" huffed Mike, unfazed.

"It's a surprise," said Frank. But deep down, he had no idea what he was doing…

Some days later, Frank was helping the workmen tend to a damaged bit of rail. He couldn't help but think of his argument with Mike the other day.

"What am I going to do to prove Mike wrong?" he muttered. "I shouldn't be relegated to just maintenance trains and the odd ballast run. I know I can pull passengers just as well as he, Rex or Bert can! If Sigrid can take passengers, why can't I?"

At that moment, Rex came passing by with some ballast hoppers in tow. "Everything alright, Frank?" he asked.

"Could be better, I suppose," Frank grunted. "Just wishing I could take passengers more often and show Mike a thing or two."

Suddenly, a smirk crossed Rex's smokebox.

"I think I know a way we can do both," he grinned. He whispered his plan to Frank, who grinned right back at him.

"We'll do it tomorrow," the gray diesel decided.

The following morning, Mike was waking up after being fired up.

"Ugh… I hate Mondays," he yawned grumpily. "Why don't we just go straight from Sunday to Tuesday?"

"Don't be silly, Mike," his driver chuckled. "That would throw many schedules and systems into disarray."

"Oh, and speaking of which," said Rex innocently, "you don't have to worry about taking the first passenger train of the day, Mike. Frank's going to take it for you."

"What?!" Mike couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"And you get to take the maintenance train!"

"Double WHAT?!"

"What's wrong, Mike?" Rex teased. "I thought you'd be thrilled to get a break from pulling passengers."

"But maintenance trains are so boring!" Mike whined.

Over at the station, Frank was coupled up to the coaches, looking very pleased with himself.

"That's one in the headlamp for that oversized pillar box!" he chortled. "Now I'll show him!"

Once the passengers were all seated, the guard blew his whistle, and Frank rolled out of the station.

Frank was having a lovely day. The weather was nice, the rails were dry, and the passengers didn't complain. As they traveled along, Frank saw Sigrid up ahead with a train of her own.

"Morning, Sigrid!" Frank called. "Check out what I'm pulling today!"

"Well done, Frank!" cheered Sigrid. "It's good to see you pulling a passenger train for a change."

"Pity the same can't be said for Mike," Frank added with a smirk. "I wonder how he's getting on with the maintenance train."

Sigrid looked confused upon hearing that as Frank rumbled onwards.

A short while later, Sigrid came across Mike and some workmen inspecting some points.

"Not having fun, are we, Mike?" Sigrid joked when she saw the look on Mike's face.

"That's one way of putting it," the red engine growled. "That Rex and his oversized lunch box accomplice set me up for this, I just know it!"

"If they did, it serves you right for your comments the other day," Sigrid pointed out.

"Hey, driver," Mike spoke up, unamused, "wanna see me tempt fate?" He then spoke ironically, "Could things get any worse?"

Unfortunately for Mike, they certainly did, when later on, Frank came back down the line again.

"Oh, hello, Mike," the gray diesel smirked. "How's your maintenance run?"

"Me and my big mouth," muttered Mike.

"Aww, and here I thought you'd enjoy a break from these wonderful and well-behaved passengers," Frank teased.

Before Mike could respond, a cow randomly walked onto the line.

"Oh, not you again!" he groaned as the cow "moo-ed".

"Careful you don't lose your whistle trying to get her off the line!" laughed Frank as he rumbled away. Mike was now redder than ever.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" he moaned.

That evening, as the engines settled down for the night, Frank was still in good spirits. Mike, however, was anything but happy.

"You know, if your face stays like that, it's going to stick," teased Rex.

"The passengers all enjoyed themselves with me today," said Frank. "I did such a good job, that Mr. Duncan may let me take passenger trains more often. What do you think of that?"

Mike said nothing. Instead, he began thinking of how to pay Rex and Frank out for their stunt.

Next morning, as Frank was getting ready for the day's work, Mike steamed up alongside him.

"Ah, good morning, Mike," smirked Frank. "Still not upset about me taking your passengers yesterday, are you?"

To Frank's surprise, Mike was smiling!

"Oh, not at all," said Mike calmly. "Being put on the maintenance train really put a new perspective on me."

"It did?" asked Frank.

"Oh, yes," said Mike. "In fact, I was wondering if you'd like to take another special train today."

"Well, thank you, Mike," said Frank. "That's very thoughtful of you."

What Frank hadn't noticed was that Mike had already shunted his train behind him, and what else he didn't know was that it was actually a waste train. Still, as Frank rolled away, Mike smirked quietly to himself.

"It's so easy to get him to pull anything…" he chuckled as he rolled away.

Meanwhile, Frank was happily trundling along the line with the waste trucks behind him.

"Guess all it takes is a little joke now and then to get Mike to show a nicer side," he said to himself. At a road crossing near Arlesburgh Bridge Street, he saw a lorry waiting on the side of the road and tooted hello.

"What do you think that lorry's here for, driver?" he asked. The driver leaned out of his cab to see that the lorry driver was waving and shouting for them to stop.

"I think its driver wants to tell us something," she said, applying the brakes.

"Whatever for?" groaned Frank. "We'll be holding up traffic if we stop our important train in the middle of the road!"

"What are you thinking, almost passing us by?" asked the lorry driver as he strode up to the gray diesel and his driver. "We need to collect that waste for the dump!"

"Wait a minute," gasped Frank, before looking back in horror. "You mean that we're pulling… WASTE TRUCKS?!"

"It sure looks like it," said his driver. Frank's look of shock then turned into one of fury.

"That stupid Mike!" he snarled. "I should've known better than to think he'd learned his lesson!"

"Looks like Mike got the better of you, old boy!" chuckled Frank's driver. "Still, we'd better get that waste unloaded."

Frank just grumbled to himself as the trucks were unloaded, wondering how to get back at Mike.

Speaking of whom, Mike was busy collecting ballast from the mines, feeling rather pleased with himself.

"That was a rather rotten trick, Mike," scolded Ivy.

"Yeah, what did Frank ever do to you?" asked Idina.

Mike frowned. "He and Rex tricked me into taking his maintenance train, that's what!"

"So?" Ivy asked. "From what Sigrid told us, you deserved to be tricked like that."

"Especially after you were so rude to Frank," Idina added. "All he wanted was to have the same opportunities to be really useful that you four got."

Mike said nothing. This talk had given him something to think about.

But when he got back to the sheds, however, Frank was the only one there.

"You scarlet deceiver…" scowled Frank.

"What's the matter, Frank?" Mike teased. "Didn't enjoy the special train I arranged for you?"

"You tricked me into pulling literal garbage, that's what!" snapped Frank. "And I thought that you'd been humbled too!"

Now it was Mike's turn to be cross. "Only because you tricked me into pulling your maintenance train for the day!"

"Well, I did you a favor, didn't I? You don't like working with passengers!"

"Well, I like working with maintenance trains even less!"

"Hey, be grateful! There's jobs far worse than maintenance trains!"

"Oh, like what, shed demolitions?" Both sides were now furious with one another, but with that smart remark from Mike, Frank had now reached his boiling point.

"At least I don't look like a pillar box on wheels!" he snapped. Before Mike could throw another insult in Frank's direction, a new voice interrupted them.

"Enough is enough!"

Both engines stopped their bickering, and looked up. There, standing next to Sigrid, was Mr. Duncan.

"I've been hearing lately that the two of you have been engaging in some sort of prank war," said Mr. Duncan firmly. Frank and Mike looked over to Sigrid. The firm look on her face meant that she was the one who told Mr. Duncan what was going on.

"He started it!" Frank and Mike argued at the same time.

"I don't care about who started it," interrupted Mr. Duncan, raising a hand for silence, "but I'm finishing it right here, right now! Frank, you may have your reasons for feeling left out in pulling passengers, but you have to work in order to earn it instead of playing tricks on the other engines."

"Yes, sir," said Frank, looking sadly down at his buffers. Mike briefly smirked, but it didn't last as Mr. Duncan turned towards him.

"Don't think you're off the hook, Mike, for you were just as bad!" he said sternly. "If Sigrid hadn't told me about your behavior, things could've escalated far worse than they already are! Perhaps working at the quarries for the next week will teach you two to see sense."

"Yes, sir," the two engines said sadly.

Mike and Frank were unusually quiet over the next week, much to the relief of the other engines.

"Peace and quiet at last," Bert sighed happily.

"We'd better enjoy it while we can," said Rex, "cause it won't be long until they're at each others' couplings again!"

"I should hope not," said Sigrid. "Any more of their madness, and I'll go bananas!"

That night, Frank and Mike were the only engines still awake in the sheds.

"Hey, Mike?"

"Yes, Frank?"

"I… I'm sorry I pulled that trick on you into pulling my maintenance train."

"And… I'm sorry for tricking you with those waste trucks."

"Mr. Duncan had a point," said Frank. "Had our prank war not stopped, chances are it could've led to someone getting seriously hurt. And that would never do."

"No, it wouldn't," Mike agreed. "Sure, I dislike the idea of pulling passengers, but I'd never want any of them to get hurt just because of my petty disdain for them."

"And I shouldn't let my jealousy of being left out make me forget how important my maintenance duties are," added Frank. "From now on, I'll keep doing my work properly, and wait until I can pull passengers more often."

"And I'll do what jobs I'm assigned," added Mike. "But that doesn't mean I'll stop complaining about passengers, though."

Some things never change, do they? Of course, Mike and Frank still argue and have their disagreements from time to time, but at least they knew better now than to take their bickering too far. You wouldn't hear either of them admit it out loud, though.

THE END

Author's Comments

This was a magazine adaptation I'd been thinking of doing for a long time, and I'm glad we finally got it done. Using Thomas and Diesel would've felt rather cliché and dull, so James and I switched it up to focus more on Mike and Frank. With the former's hot temper and the latter's moodiness, I can only imagine that the pair would bring out the worst in one another. Out Sodor's railways, the Arlesdale Railway's residents practically thrive off of being jerks to one another, with Frank often being the chew toy/verbal punching bag, and Sigrid providing the voice of reason amongst the group. I'd been hoping to give Rex a bigger role in the second half, but after looking back on it, perhaps Mike wanted to direct his anger towards Frank first before turning on Rex, at least until Mr. Duncan stopped their fight from escalating. I'm not sure if that's a good enough explanation, but what do you think?

Upcoming stories:

- Both Sides at Fault

- Skiff's Grumpy Friend

- The Importance of Being Ernest

- Lights, Camera, Steam!

- The Railway Dog