MEANWHILE...
"Man, this is weird," commented Bart as he swung across the empty streets of Springfield. "Zooming across an empty city towards a huge mushroom cloud... this is like something out of an issue of Radioactive Man!"
"Hey, what's that up ahead?" pointed out LJ.
"Hm? It almost looks like..." Bart observed a bit closer while swinging along with LJ. "No, it couldn't be! Ay carumba! Of course!"
"What is it?" LJ asked Bart urgently.
"A bunch of new costumed super characters!" Bart explained. "The inevitable result of a nuclear explosion!"
"As long as it isn't a team called The Howling Wolves, I'm fine with that." LJ stated.
"Yeah, but you guys might need some help." Meg Griffin said as she was there again.
"What the-?! What're you doing here, Meg Griffin?" LJ complained. "Is this another one of those stupid Cartoon Network cringe fics in the past that PerkyGoth14 is trying to bury forever and hope to improve for the better?"
"Meg Griffin? I don't know who that is, but I hear she's overlooked," Meg shrugged off as she wore a strange pink and white costume. "I am... THE WHITE LIONESS! A truck filled with radioactive waste exploded all over me and gave me superpowers, better ones than growing my fingernails a few extra inches! I am also the devoted and loyal girlfriend of Bartman!"
"Get real! I don't have a girlfriend!" Bart retorted. "Plus, you're a teenager."
"Besides, we've got things to do!" LJ added. "Let's hope nobody got double mutated or something!"
"Look, there's my mom." Bart suddenly said.
"Careful, Bart, remember to protect your secret identity." LJ reminded the boy.
"Get back here!" Meg Griffin demanded as a car seemed to be speeding right behind her. "I will not be ignored! I matter!"
"Shut up, Meg, you don't matter!" Peter randomly said as he and Lois drove past her, splashing water all over her.
"Right," Bart nodded at that as he swung over to his superpowered mother. "What's going on, Mrs. Simpson? Why are you dressed up like some sort of costumed kook?"
"Mrs. Simpson? There is no Mrs. Simpson," The blue-haired mother scoffed before ensnaring him in her own locks. "There is only... THE ENTANGLER!"
"Yikes! My own mom has become as snarly and short-tempered as a real comic book super character!" Bart gasped and he was then suddenly thrown against a brick wall. "Yeow!" he then gasped and looked up from the ground to see that his father was Hulking Out and standing over him. "Uh-oh!"
"RAAAAWR!" Homer snarled as he towered over Bart, now suddenly green and ripping out of his clothes. "ME AM THE INGESTIBLE BULK!"
"I should've known..." Bart remarked as he leapt into action.
"Hold still, bite-sized purple one!" roared Homer as he tried to grab Bart. "You make Bulk mad, pointy head...and the angrier Bulk gets, the HUNGRIER he gets! BULK GNASH!"
CHOMP!
Luckily, he had taken a bite out of a brick wall. "Mmm... crunchy!" remarked Homer.
"That oughta give him something to chew on while we check out!" LJ remarked.
"Whoa!" Bart yelped as they were struck by some sort of soundwave.
"What is that?!" LJ asked.
"Wait! That sound... and dazzling light... can barely see!" Bart gasped and realized where this was going. "Lisa! And that stupid saxophone!"
"Oh, maaaaan! Get with it," Lisa complained as she was dressed like a 1950s beatnik as she played her beloved instrument. "You're diggin' The Jazzler! My ax, is like, my voice, you dig? It's how I express my truth, my pain, my inner howl-"
"Yikes! She could go on like this for hours!" Bart gasped to LJ.
"Man, and I thought Zofia was showing off when she decided to study Latin to compete with Scott Leadready II." LJ remarked to himself.
"But at last while she's talking, she can't play!" Bart then said before they ran away and bumped into someone who was walking down the street that way. "WHOOF!"
A certain elderly man was standing in front of them.
"Grampa?!" Bart gasped.
"Bart's grampa!" LJ added.
"Better watch out who you call 'Grampa', you durn whippersnappers!" Abe glared as even he was transformed. "I'm fulla vim and vinegar! I've got superpowers to spare and I'm spoiling for a fight-" he continued until he suddenly put himself to sleep which was the curse of being elderly.
"Coma! Wake up, Coma!" called another elderly voice.
"Huh? Whuzaa?!" Abe exclaimed as he woke up. "These are my teammates! Bedpan—"
"That's Badpan, you old codger!" corrected Mr. Shulman.
"He's Coma, I'm Codger!" responded Jasper Beardley.
"Phooey, and Vague!" Grampa finished. "Together, we're called..." and he paused.
"He's fallen asleep again!" called Jasper.
"I wasn't sleeping; I was pausing for dramatic effect!" Grampa corrected. "Now you've ruined it! Anyways, together we're called... OLDBLOOD!"
"Pretty stupid name, man!" A young voice scoffed.
Bart and LJ looked over to see it was the usual group of bullies: Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney, and Nelson.
"Oooh, not another pack of brats!" Grampa moaned.
"Close, man! We're called WILDB.R.A.T.S!" Jimbo corrected.
"Don't worry, guys!" A voice proclaimed and White Lioness was shown once again. "I'll help you square off against the Wild, Bullying, Rowdy, Adolescent Team!"
"Would you get out of here already?" LJ complained. "Man, are you gonna be our Hawk Girl like in The Big Superhero Wish?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Meg Griffin demanded.
"Oh, nothing, just randomly showing up with your own superhero name and supposed powers that'll mean nothing in the final climax." Bart defended.
"But Bart, how could you treat me like that?" Meg frowned. "You stuck up for me against Mental Mike when my so-called friends backed out of helping me and I was carrying our baby together from during Connie D'Amico's Halloween party, so you fought him for me."
"...I don't even wanna know why or how that's a thing." Bart said sickly at that trivia.
"Come on, Oldblood!" Mr. Shulman announced. "Let's show these puerile pups who's the top team in these parts!"
"Hey Slacker, remind me again why we're fighting these guys." Kearney wondered.
"'Cuz we've got superpowers, Mall," Jimbo explained. "What else are we gonna do besides fight?"
"Let's HAMMER up these geezers, Simpleton!" Dolph told Nelson.
"You got it, Switchblade!" Nelson replied.
"Oh, man! Everybody in this town except us gets superpowers and we're the ones who wind up in the middle!" Bart complained to LJ.
"Methinks we'd better get somewhere safe before things get uglier." responded LJ.
Suddenly, there was a hail of gunfire heard. As Bart and LJ looked to the left, they saw Scratchy, running for his life, and Itchy hot on his heels... while piloting an attack helicopter he'd stolen.
"Yo, WildB.R.A.T.S—incoming!" called Kearney.
"What in tarnation?" exclaimed Mr. Shulman.
"'Scuse us, Bedpan, but I think that's our cue to exit!" Bart said as he and LJ leaped out of trouble.
"Man, this is getting out of hand!" LJ remarked as he and Bart got out of the way during the chaos. "We've gotta take a minute to think!"
Soon, the boys came up on a rooftop, looking downward at the townspeople going through the weird superhero adventure along with the aid of Itchy the Mouse and Scratchy the Cat.
"Man, has the world gone crazy?" Bart complained. "First I turn 11, then Itchy and Scratchy jump out of our TV, and now Springfield is overrun by a bunch of costumed weirdos all beating the stuffing out of each other!"
"I guess it's like they say in the comics and when my parents met Spider-Man," LJ remarked. "With great power comes even greater irresponsibility!"
"They said that?" Bart asked.
"I might've paraphrased." LJ admitted with a shrug.
"Now what're we gonna do? We're the only normal people left, the only ones standing between Springfield and utter chaos! If we don't-" he then added only to be interrupted.
"I think I might have something you guys should see." A different voice suddenly said.
"Who's that?" Bart wondered.
"I swear to Jim Davis, if it's that stupid, overrated Meg Griffin..." LJ grumbled.
"Actually, tis I." Zofia announced, showing her own superhero costume.
"Oh! Sis!" LJ exclaimed. "Good to see you're still in your right mind. Everyone else has gone totally nutzoid!"
"Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on, but I found something that might also have something to do with the weirdness." Zofia replied.
"And what might that be?" Bart wondered.
"Back at Evergreen Terrace, follow me." Zofia explained.
"Now that you mention it, I have this weird feeling in my brain telling me to go there," Bart admitted. "Almost like a sixth sense."
And with that, they soon went right away to the Simpsons house where everything seemed normal. At least for right now.
"Home! At least things look normal here." Bart remarked.
"But now what do we do?" LJ wondered.
"Look at that." Zofia said as she pointed something out close to the Simpsons house, but not exactly there either.
"Ay, carumba!" Bart gasped once he and LJ saw what she was trying to tell them about. "A flying saucer parked in Flanders' backyard! This could explain a lot! I always suspected Flanders was an alien!"
"Can't see anything from here," remarked LJ. "We'd better get closer."
So, on cat-like tread, the kids headed into the spaceship and looked around.
"Looks like nobody's here," mused Bart. "Maybe we can find a clue or something."
They son walked on inside to scope things out.
"Man, this is kinda creepy!" Bart remarked.
"Hey, sometimes being a hero isn't easy." Zofia reminded him.
"Yeah, that's true." Bart had to admit.
"Hey, look what I found!" LJ told the others as he seemed to be holding a cat's head. "A Scratchy mask, like the guy at KrustyLand wears!"
"Weird, what's it doing here?" Bart wondered.
Suddenly, the three kids were all grabbed by tentacles and were face to face with... ALIENS!
"Behold, Kodos... LUNCH!" Kang told his fellow alien.
"YEEE-IIIIIIIKES!" The kids screamed.
"Wait, Kang!" exclaimed Kodos. "I promised the younglings I'd bring them a pet from this voyage! These small, feisty ones who snuck aboard our ship seem far more entertaining than the specimen we collected earlier!"
"Very well!" Kang said as they tossed the trio of kids into a cell together. "Here, Earthlings, you may share your incarceration with our other captive: the blasphemous imposter of revered Scratchy!"
"Oof!" The kids grunted as they were tossed in carelessly and landed on top of each other.
"What the...?" LJ muttered.
"Is that the squeaky-voiced teen?" Bart added.
"I've heard his name was Jeremy." Zofia remarked.
"Well, maybe, but he's also the guy from KrustyLand," Bart nodded until something suddenly hit him. "Revered Scratchy? Hey!"
"Insolent whelps! How dare you question us?" Kang glared at the children.
"Hold, Kang," Kodos warned his fellow alien. "Failing to engage in expository conversation would be a breach of Earth etiquette in a moment such as this!"
"Well, maybe, but he's also the guy from KrustyLand," Bart nodded until something suddenly hit him. "Revered Scratchy? Hey! You mean you guys are Itchy and Scratchy fans?"
"Itchy and Scratchy have been a source of great edification during our lengthy interstellar voyages," Kodos added. "It was they who inspired our pilgrimage to Earth!"
"This is gonna be a long story, isn't it?" LJ asked Zofia.
"Sure seems like it, complete with flashbacks." Zofia nodded.
"Yes, we wished to bring them back to Rigel-4 with us so that our brethren might share our enlightenment," said Kang. "We spent many rotational cycles scanning the surface of your puny world in search of them... but in vain!"
"At last, we thought we had found Scratchy... but it was merely that wretched human in disguise," Kodos continued. "It was then that we realized that advanced consciousnesses such as Itchy and Scratchy would have no need for the restraints of physical form! They exist on a metaphysical plane... what you call 'television land'!"
"Is that why Bart's been 10 for the past 36 years?" Zofia commented to herself.
"Thus, we simply hovered above the neighboring dwelling and used our trans-temporal reality integrator cannon to materialize them out of the humans' television!" Kang then explained.
"Then you're responsible for Itchy and Scratchy blowing up the Nuclear Power Plant and turning all of Springfield's citizens, except us, into super-powered hooligans!" Bart realized.
"We do not deserve full credit, that entire amusing episode was actually unanticipated dividend!" Kang replied before laughing in their faces.
"Also that weird thing that happened on Bart's birthday?" Zofia asked. "The way that everyone was acting that this was gonna some sort of farewell to Springfield forever?"
"Well, that might have to do with something else." Kang replied.
"Oh, yeah? What's that?" Zofia demanded.
"Well-" Kang was about to say only to be suddenly cut off.
"Look, Kang! Our monitors have located Itchy and Scratchy!" Kodos pointed out suddenly, showing that Itchy had removed Scratchy's head and began to roll the cat's head down an alley like a bowling ball against some pins. "Shall we go observe their hijinks?"
"Indeed, Kodos... let us make haste," Kang replied. "We shall disclose details later!"
And both aliens left the spaceship in a hurry.
"Nuts!" LJ remarked. "So close, and yet so far!"
Bart looked down at his shoulder. "Never thought I'd use this... but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures!" he said, drawing up his sleeve, revealing...
"A watch?" asked Zofia.
"Close; it's my emergency signal watch!" Bart replied, twisting the top and letting its signal drift out.
"Who's it gonna bring over?" LJ wondered.
"Only one way to find out." Bart replied.
Meanwhile, Milhouse and Samantha were getting beat down by Nelson and Francine.
"Haw-Haw! Get ready for the Indian Burn of your life, wimp!" Nelson jeered.
"And I'm gonna tell everyone in the girls' bathroom about how you have cooties!" Francine added.
"Oh, no!" Samantha gasped.
"Fear not, my lady! It'll take more than that to defeat The Scarlet Whimpernel!" Milhouse reassured Samantha before he let out a very loud battle cry to scare away the supervillain bullies who soon scattered and ran away.
"Milhouse, that was so brave!" Samantha beamed and hugged the blue-haired boy.
"Ha! They're no match for my Super Whine!" Milhouse beamed. "I've long suspected those bullies were just cowards at heart, but I've always been too chicken to find out for sure!"
"What's that sound?" Samantha asked.
"Huh?" Milhouse asked before checking his watch. "Bartman's signal. He needs me."
"Are you gonna help him?" Samantha wondered.
"Maybe later," Milhouse shrugged. "This dreaded avenger is going solo! Starting now."
In the meantime, the signal seemed to go all the way to back home where LJ and Zofia lived, but not just them.
Akito was lifting his weights, counting way over a thousand, Estelle was video chatting with her friends who were called 'Bratz', and Vincent was painting until suddenly...
"Guys? Do you hear that?" Akito suddenly asked.
"Hear what?" Estelle and Vincent asked.
"That's a signal of distress," Akito said as he suddenly threw his barbell off to the distance. "AND I MUST ANSWER THE CALL FOR HELP!"
Back in the spaceship, Bart flopped on the seat. "...great," he sighed. "I guess even Milhouse has become an irresponsible super-jerk. Like things could get any worse..."
LJ put a hand out. "Look... we'll find a way out, okay?" he asked.
"No way," Bart sighed. "You'd have a better chance of escaping if Lisa was here. She'd come up with something smart, get you all out and somehow turn everyone back."
"And what, you're just an unwanted load?" asked LJ.
"I might as well be," said Bart. "After all, it's downhill from here."
"Aw, come on, Bart, you're way better than you think you are," LJ said to him. "Sure, you're a giant troublemaker, you piss off your dad a lot, you annoy your sisters, you might hate school, but you are actually very smart and brilliant."
"Yeah, but apparently in the eyes of the school, it doesn't mean anything," grumbled Bart. "After this is over, it'll be back to the grind; getting lousy grades, failing to study, write on chalkboard, blah-blah-blah. No wonder I'm gonna end up a burnout loser, while Lisa's in college, or president, or being president in college."
"I know it's rough, but maybe this can be your chance to change for the better like in that weird adventure we had before this one and I don't mean that time we went under the dome like a Stephen King novel." LJ remarked and explained.
"I dunno, man, sounds like you're asking a lot for me," Bart shrugged. "Besides, you don't know what it's like to be me, a lot of people tend to hate me just because I'm just a lousy troublemaker while Lisa is the smart one who's going to rule the world and Maggie will probably even be more famous than me with... whatever she ends up doing. She's a baby, she still has a whole life ahead of her while mine and Lisa's have been set in stone and nothing's ever gonna change that."
"Only one can change your fate, and it's the one in the mirror," LJ said. "So you're not good at school, so what? Play to your strengths! I mean...I actually know what that's like."
"How?" asked Bart.
"This'll sound nuts, but I used to be bonafide terrified, too cautious for my own good," LJ responded. "Zofia was the thrill-seeker, the adventurous one."
"What? No way!" Bart replied.
"Way," nodded LJ. "I'm not proud of how I used to be. But I guess if I didn't have that, I couldn't become the me I am now. If fate claims you're destined to be a loser, you spit in fate's stupid face and poke it in the eyes!"
"Yeah, you're right, but if only we can think of a way out of here." Bart admitted, but still sighed as they were still stuck.
"Take a look around," LJ advised. "Something will come to you if you observe and think hard enough."
Bart groaned a bit, then tried to look around the cage until his eyes locked onto a giant hamster wheel. "That tingling! Something's happening in my head," he suddenly told LJ. "I think it's an idea!'
"Okay, let's hear it." LJ allowed.
"Abstract concepts have coalesced into meaningful theorems applicable to our present dilemma," Bart said. "Whatever THAT means."
"Wow, Bart, that was really smart." LJ said with a proud smile.
"Yeah, for a minute there, I was as brilliant as that bad guy in the last McBain movie," Bart admitted. "I just know just what to do to get us out of this cage."
"Then do it, man!" exclaimed LJ. "Do it!"
Bart went over and got onto a giant exercise wheel. "I've got to push this wheel to its breaking point!" he declared as he started running. The wheel whirred around his body as he kept up the pace. "Faster! Must go..." he grunted as he sped up. "...FASTER!"
The wheel soon wiggled a bolt on the side free, and it rolled straight through the bars!
KLACHANG!
"See, Bart? You are smart!" LJ beamed.
"I guess I am," Bart admitted as he rubbed his head a bit. "But if we're going to restore order to Springfield, mend the rip in the trans-temporal reality curtain, and defeat the alien menace, we're going to need some help!"
"Yeah, we just gotta figure out where to find it." LJ suggested.
"I think I might know where," Bart said as he approached the cannon. "Starting with this trans-temporal reality cannon."
"Let's act fast then so we can get proper help for this adventure." LJ replied.
"Did someone say 'help'?" A voice asked.
"Ugh, oh, brother..." LJ groaned slightly.
"Who's that?" Bart asked him.
"One of my cousins." LJ said before face-palming.
"There's no need to fear! Superhero/Detective Akito Fudo is here to-" Akito announced as he flew by in his Loonatics' uniform, then looked around and saw that the cage was shattered while LJ and Bart made it out on their own. "Oh. You already got out."
"You stopped to say hi to Emi Ketchum, didn't you?" LJ asked, unimpressed.
"It's a long speed jog." Akito shrugged innocently.
"Hey, don't leave!" called Jeremy. "Get me out of here!"
"Sorry, pal, but if I could bend those bars, I wouldn't have had to do that thing with the wheel!" Bart replied as he pushed the ray across the floor. "We'll be back as soon as we can."
"...then again, I guess there IS something Akito can handle," LJ commented. "C'mon, Zo!"
"Right behind you, Brother." Zofia reassured him.
SOON...
"All right, Bart, where to next?" LJ asked.
"TV, I need to get to a TV." Bart replied.
LJ nodded and looked around. "There's one." he then pointed out.
"Perfect! Just in time for the daily rerun of the old Radioactive Man TV show," Bart said, picking up the remote to the TV, showing the superhero in black and white and advertising for Laramie cigarettes as a boy version of Mike Mazinsky along with an orange Pokémon-like creature, and a teenage version of Lil DeVille with a black-haired cowboy known as Jess Harper and he then went to work on the cannon with all his might. "Now if I understood that brainwave of mine, all I have to do now is throw the switch..."
"OKAY, BEAK BOY! YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Radioactive Man challenged his adversary.
ZZAK! Bart threw the switch, and in a burst of light, both Radioactive Man and his foe, Professor Platypus, materialized right in the living room.
"What're you trying to do, Dirk—break my jaw?" asked 'Professor Platypus'. "You actually connected with that punch!"
"Geez, I'm sorry, Mel!" replied Dirk Richter. "It didn't do my hand any good, either!"
"Ahem!" Bart cleared his throat, making the two look over to the heroes. "Welcome to the real world, gentlemen."
"Get comfortable, this is gonna take a while." LJ advised.
AFTER A LENGTHY CONVERSATION...
"...so you see, the city is in chaos!" Bart concluded.
"It's up to all of us to bring Springfield back to normal!" LJ added.
"Any questions?" Zofia prompted.
"You kids are out of your minds!" Dirk retorted. "I'm a TV star, not a superhero!"
"Yeah, forget it!" Mel added as they soon walked out the door.
"You guys are just leaving us?" Zofia complained.
"Well, yeah, sorry, kiddos, but if I soil the suit, the dry cleaning comes out of my paycheck!" Dirk replied on the way out.
"Good luck saving the city!" Mel added.
"C'mon, Mel," said Dirk. "We're in the middle of a civil disturbance. And you know what that means."
"Yeah!" Mel replied. "Somewhere, a bunch of hooligans have taken over a bar!"
"Well... that's what we get for relying on live-action." said LJ.
Bart sighed in defeat. "I told you this wasn't gonna work." he then sulked. "It's impossible."
"Anything's possible for a Possible," Akito said as he came by again. "And Kim Possible might not be here, but I'm good too, right?"
"I think we'd prefer our sister." Zofia replied.
"Aw, come on, it's a superhero adventure, I gotta be here!" Akito insisted.
"Could be worse, I guess," said Bart. "Could be that White Lioness character."
"We need to approach this problem from another angle," said LJ. "If there was only some way to bring the OG Radioactive Man into our world to lend a hand!"
"I might have an idea if anyone's interested." Akito offered.
"You better not snap your fingers and cast a spell to make them come along eagerly," Zofia suggested. "That'd be way too easy and not very fun, especially after the other adventures we had in this visit to Springfield before we go with Felicity to visit Cinderella's family."
"Well, actually, I was gonna say when I need an idea for superhero adventures, I look at these." Akito said as he brought out his old comic books of superheroes such as Superman and Mr. Incredible.
"Until now, I was glad RM didn't have one of those ultra-cheapo cartoon shows that was shot straight from the comic books," responded Bart. "But... I think I have another idea!"
"Two for two," smiled LJ. "You're on a roll today!"
"Heh, yeah. I guess I am." Bart chuckled and smiled back.
"See what happens when you let people think for themselves?" LJ asked Akito.
"Yeah, I guess so." Akito admitted.
"Meet me in the living room, I think I have something." Bart told LJ, Zofia, and Akito urgently.
"We're right behind you, Bart," Zofia nodded. "I'm not much into superheroes myself, but this is getting pretty good so far."