Chapter 15:"Breaking the Silence"
Jess heard the door to her apartment shut. She was in her PJs and had just gotten out of the shower. She was waiting for Don.
"Jess," he called.
She left the bedroom and walked into the living room. There were boxes stacked against the wall, things she was getting rid of to make space for his belongings.
"Hey," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, quieter than usual. She tried to meet his eyes but found herself looking at the floor instead. "Put the food on the counter. We need to talk."
Don paused in the doorway, holding the bags of takeout. His gaze softened slightly, but there was something in the way she stood—her shoulders tense, her jaw tight—that told him something was wrong. He set the food down on the counter and walked over to her, sitting on the couch beside her without saying a word. He could feel the weight of her discomfort.
"What's going on?" Don asked, his brow furrowing. He was used to Jess being open with him, but today was different.
Jess licked her lips, looking at him through the corner of her eye. She hated this—hated the way her chest felt tight, how the words caught in her throat. But she couldn't ignore it anymore. She needed answers.
"I found out why O'Bryan was keeping me out of the field," she started, her voice steady despite the swirl of emotions inside her.
"Oh yeah? Why?" Don asked, nodding.
"You," she replied flatly. "Because of what you said to him."
Don's mind raced. He had been worried about her, sure. But he hadn't said anything that would warrant this reaction. He shook his head slowly. "I didn't say anything like that, Jess. What exactly are you talking about?"
"Oh, come on, Donnie. Don't play dumb," Jess accused, her irritation growing.
"I have no idea, Jess." Don racked his brain. Yes, he had been nervous about her going back into the field, but he hadn't done anything to deliberately keep her out.
Jess crossed her arms. "O'Bryan had 'concerns' about me. Because I was shaking at the range. You were the only one who saw that. It had to have come from you."
Don exhaled, realization dawning on him. O'Bryan had asked his opinion about Jess returning to active duty, and he'd been honest—but he never said she shouldn't go back. Just that she should ease into it. "Jess," he said carefully, knowing she was on edge, "I never said I was concerned or that you shouldn't go back. I just mentioned easing you back in when he asked. That's all."
He could see the fire burning in her eyes, the tension in her jaw. She was mad.
"It was when we were playing poker the other night," he continued. "I never thought it would keep you at your desk."
Jess clenched her fists. "Well, it did."
Don reached for her hand, but she pulled away. "Jess, I was just looking out for you. I didn't mean—"
"Looking out for me? Or deciding for me?" she snapped.
Don sighed, rubbing his face. "That's not fair. I just... I was worried. I saw how frustrated you were at the range. I didn't want you to push yourself too fast."
"That's not your call to make, Don!" she shot back, standing up. "I don't need you or anyone else making decisions for me. I'm not fragile. I can handle myself. I get enough of the protective crap from my family, I don't need it from you. You are the one person who is supposed to have my back."
Don stood, too. "I know that. But that doesn't mean I stop caring! It doesn't mean I stop worrying about you! I do have your back, I am always in your corner."
Jess turned away, arms wrapped around herself. She hated this—hated feeling like her choices were being taken from her. Hated feeling like she had to prove herself all over again.
A long silence stretched between them.
"Well, I feel like you betrayed me, that you stabbed me in the back," she snorted.
Don let out a slow breath. "Jess, that's not fair. I never went behind your back. I never told him to sideline you."
"But you planted the seed," she shot back, her voice sharp. "You let him think I wasn't ready. That's all it took!"
"I was trying to protect you!" Don countered, frustration creeping into his voice. "You were shaking at the range, Jess. That's not nothing. I wasn't going to pretend I didn't see it."
She turned to face him, eyes blazing. "So instead of talking to me, you talked to O'Bryan? Do you even realize how humiliating that is? I had to hear from him that I wasn't 'ready'—like I'm some damn rookie who can't be trusted in the field!"
Don clenched his jaw. "I didn't think it would play out like that."
"No, you didn't think at all," Jess snapped. "You didn't think about how this would affect me, how it would make me look. You might as well have told O'Bryan that I wasn't cut out for the job anymore."
"That is not what I said!" Don's voice rose, frustration spilling over. "You're twisting this into something it's not. I never doubted you."
Jess let out a bitter laugh. "Really? Because it sure as hell feels like you did."
Don ran a hand through his hair, trying to steady himself. "I get why you're mad. But you're acting like I deliberately went out of my way to screw you over. That's not what happened."
She stared at him, her chest rising and falling quickly. "Intentions don't matter, Don. Actions do. And your actions? They hurt."
Don exhaled sharply and sank onto the couch, rubbing his temples. He didn't want to fight anymore. Maybe, deep down, he had tried to keep her out of the field, but he had never meant to sabotage her.
"Look, I'm sorry. I am so sorry, Jess. Honestly… I'm scared. You are the love of my life, and the thought of you being back out there after everything? It terrifies me." His voice cracked slightly. "I speak from experience. I froze out there once, and that's not something I ever want you to go through."
Jess sat down beside him, letting his words settle over her. She could see the worry in his eyes, the raw emotion on his face. He wasn't just making excuses—he was scared.
"I swear, Jess, I never meant to sabotage you."
She let out a slow breath, some of the anger ebbing away. "I know," she admitted. "But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. I need you to believe in me, Don. I need your support."
He met her gaze, his expression softening. "I do believe in you. I always have. I just let my fear get in the way. I'll go tell O'Bryan right now he's making a mistake keeping one of NYC's finest chained to her desk."
Jess smiled despite herself. She knew he was being overdramatic, but she also knew he would if she needed him to. "I took care of it. I proved myself."
"So, are we good?" Don asked as Jess leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Do you accept my apology?"
"Yes, but you can't cross these lines again," Jess warned. "I know it's going to be hard. It's hard for me too, knowing you're out there. But I understand why it's worse for you. Still, you have to stay out of my career. At work, you have to see me as Angell, or this will never work. And I love you, Don. I want this to work."
He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. "I love you too. And I promise—I'll do better."
The rain bounced softly against the window sill, its rhythmic patter providing a soothing soundtrack to the quiet of the room. Jess and Don lay together on her bed, curled beneath the same blanket, the weight of the evening's tension finally beginning to fade.
The fight had ended hours ago. They had made up, patched the raw edges of their words with apologies and quiet understanding, their hearts slowly healing as the storm outside mirrored the storm they had weathered between them.
Jess felt the warmth of Don's body against hers, his arm draped over her waist, pulling her closer. His breath was steady now, calm and even, and the sound of his heartbeat against her back was a gentle reassurance. She had missed this—this. The simple act of being close to him, of feeling his presence next to hers, after the whirlwind of emotions that had threatened to pull them apart.
For a long while, neither of them spoke. The silence wasn't uncomfortable; it was comfortable, familiar—like the space between them had been cleared, the emotional distance that had grown too wide during their argument now closed. Jess closed her eyes, allowing herself to sink into the warmth, feeling the weight of Don's affection settle around her.
Don pressed a soft kiss to the back of her neck, his lips lingering there for just a moment, before he whispered, his voice low and intimate, "I never meant to make you feel like I didn't believe in you. You're stronger than I ever gave you credit for."
Jess smiled softly, her fingers curling around his hand that rested on her stomach. She could feel the sincerity in his words, the way his thumb gently traced the back of her hand, as if grounding himself in the moment. "I know," she whispered back, her voice thick with emotion. "But I need to be able to stand on my own, Don. I need you to trust me to do that."
"I do trust you," he murmured, pressing his forehead gently against the back of her head. "But that doesn't mean I'm not scared. It's just... when I think of you out there, in danger..." His voice trailed off, and the vulnerability in it hit Jess harder than any of the words from earlier.
She turned slightly in his embrace, just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes were soft, filled with the kind of tenderness that made her heart ache. "I know," she said quietly. "I'm scared, too. But I need you to believe in me—no matter what."
Jess swallowed, the weight of his words settling deep in her chest. After the emotional rollercoaster they'd been on tonight, she hadn't planned on bringing this up. Hell, she thought there might never be a right time. But now, as the vulnerability hung between them, there was a part of her that knew—this was the moment. If they were going to build something together, to make it work, she had to be honest. And that honesty, as terrifying as it was, had been gnawing at her for far too long.
"Donnie," she began, her voice softer than usual as she searched for the right words. "There's something I need to tell you, and I haven't been totally honest."
She pulled the blanket over her body, shifting slightly so she could face him. The familiar weight of the duvet offered comfort, but the tension still lingered in the air between them. She didn't want to hide behind the covers, but the words felt heavy, like they might break her if she said them out loud.
"The shooting… well, it affected me in ways I haven't said," she continued, her voice wavering just slightly—the admission cracking through her armor. "I buried it, Don. I buried it because... I thought it didn't matter. But it does. It's part of me. And now, with everything that's changing between us—with us moving in and talking about a future together—you deserve to know."
Don's brow furrowed in confusion, the vulnerability on her face making him instinctively want to reach out and comfort her. But she seemed distant, like she was bracing herself for something difficult. "I'm confused," he said gently, his voice thick with concern.
Jess exhaled, taking a slow breath to steady herself. She felt a lump form in her throat. This wasn't going to be easy, but she couldn't keep it from him any longer.
"I can't have kids, Don," she said, her voice quieter now, the weight of the words settling between them. Her eyes never left his, but she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She forced herself to continue, even though it felt like her breath was too shallow to speak. "The shooting… there was too much damage to my ovaries. Dr. Morris did what he had to do to save my life, but... it came at a cost."
The room seemed to still around them as the words hung in the air. She could hear the steady beat of her own heart, the only sound breaking the quiet. She hadn't meant to say it like this, so raw, so exposed. But it was the truth, and she couldn't hide from it anymore.
Don's face softened as he processed the words, his expression shifting from confusion to something deeper—something more protective. His hand, still resting gently on her back, moved to cup her cheek. He studied her for a long moment, his thumb brushing lightly against her skin, as if to reassure himself that she was still there, still his.
"Jess," he whispered, his voice barely audible, but full of the tenderness he hadn't been able to express before. "I had no idea. I—God, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
She shook her head slightly, a bitter smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I buried it down deep, not because I didn't trust you, but because I was scared. As soon as I said it out loud, it would become real, you know? But now, with everything changing between us, I can't keep it from you anymore. I want us to be... really real, Don. And you deserve to know all of me. Even the parts I thought were too broken to share."
He leaned forward, his forehead resting gently against hers. The silence between them wasn't awkward—it wasn't a space of discomfort, but one of understanding, where words weren't necessary. He could feel the weight of her confession, could sense how much courage it had taken for her to say it.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jess," Don murmured, his voice steady, the promise clear in his words. "You're not broken. You're you—and I love you for exactly who you are. This… this doesn't change anything for me."
Jess let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, feeling a weight lift off her chest. His acceptance was exactly what she needed to hear. She had feared this moment, feared his reaction, but here he was—sitting with her, offering nothing but love and understanding.
She reached up, her hand finding his, threading their fingers together. "You're sure?" she asked quietly, her voice almost a whisper. "I mean… this is a big deal, Don. Kids were never part of my plan, but I see you with my nieces and nephews. I don't want to take anything from you. I don't want you to miss out on having a family because of me."
Don's thumb gently traced the back of her hand, his gaze locked with hers. "You're the woman I've always seen you as," he said softly, with complete sincerity. "You're strong, you're amazing, and you're exactly who I want by my side. And I don't need a baby to know that. I just need you. And a family can be two people. I think of you as more my family than some of my actual family."
The words were simple, but they hit Jess like a wave of relief. Her heart fluttered in her chest, her fears easing as she let herself believe him. In that moment, she realized something she hadn't fully allowed herself to accept before: that no matter what life had taken from her, she still had everything she needed in the love they shared.
"I love you, Don," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, the words feeling like the truth she had been longing to speak.
"I love you too," he replied, his lips brushing against her forehead in a soft, lingering kiss. "And we'll figure it all out together. Whatever comes next, we'll face it side by side. If we decide we want to go down that road, there are options—adoption or surrogacy. Honestly, Jess, kids have never been my plan either, and I need you to hear me: you are enough."
They stayed like that for a long time—just holding each other, letting the rain outside be the only sound that filled the room. The world outside was chaotic and unpredictable, but here, in this moment, they were grounded. Together.
readers: any suggestions where to go next?