Thanks for the reviews!
so who else is a little heartbroken this week after seeing that Milo news? I mean he didn't even let us mentally prepare for him to be off the market! you gotta give a girl some notice. in all seriousness, I am happy for them and they are a gorgeous couple!
And at least he is still ours here ;)
**Rated M (steamy) scene at the end of this chapter!
Disclaimer: I own nothing
He opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by Doula's voice.
"Hello!" her youthful voice echoes, telling them that she's let herself in and is waiting by the door.
"Sorry, Doula couldn't wait any longer. I hope you're not in the middle of something she shouldn't see," Liz's voice rings out after hers. Rory blushes and Jess closes his eyes and shakes his head. He kisses her on the lips then whispers in her ear, "I loved your words. We'll talk about them later," and then he's gone to greet his mom and sister. She takes a shaky breath and waits for them to come to the kitchen.
"Hi Rory!" Doula runs up and hugs her moments later. She smiles at the girl and returns her hug.
"Hey Doula. Merry Christmas!"
"What did Jess get you?" Doula asks her as she pulls away.
"Doula, that's private," Liz chastises her then walks up to hug Rory too, "hi sweetie. Thank you for having us over."
Rory reluctantly returns her hug. She has mostly had positive experiences with Liz herself, but after hearing about Jess's childhood and how she has been acting towards Doula lately, Rory can't bring herself to feel any warmth towards the woman. Liz smells like a lot of perfume, or maybe essential oils, and it makes Rory cough slightly before she responds.
"No problem. It's a good thing Jess is here to cook otherwise I'm afraid it would just be a repeat of your morning."
"She frosted the brownies just fine," Jess smirks, giving Rory a playful look as he walks to the oven to check on food.
"Jessssss, can I give you your gift now?" Doula asks, shuffling up to where he stands near the stove.
"Not yet. Gotta finish cooking first, then we can exchange gifts."
"Okay, can I help?" his sister asks, with a hopeful smile.
"Oh Doula, would you let your brother do what he needs to do? Stop bothering him. We are guests here. Come sit down at the table with me."
Rory glances at Jess and notices momentary rage on his face, and Doula begins to retreat back towards her mother.
"Liz, she's not bothering me. She can help me cook," Jess replies, barely biting back his irritation, he then addresses his sister, "Come on. Want to mash some potatoes?"
She grins and joins him, "Yes!"
Liz sighs and places a brown bag on the table, taking out a bottle of wine. She opens it and pours it into the nearest glass. Rory watches her somewhat nervously. She catches Jess's eyes across the room, and he looks disappointed, but doesn't say anything.
"So, where's TJ?" Rory asks, taking a seat at the kitchen table. Liz takes a large sip from her wine glass and waves her hand, "He wanted to work."
"Oh, I didn't realize he worked anywhere that would be open on Christmas."
She shrugs, "I don't know. He called Jackson and asked if he needs help on his farm and I guess he said yes."
"Well, if I know Jackson I know he will at least be giving him holiday pay. That's good I guess."
Liz shrugs again and throws back what remains in her wine glass. The nervousness Rory feels increases with every lift of Liz's drink. She feels like there's something going on that she's missing, but it's not her place to pry.
"Um, Jess do you need help with anything?" she asks, with a pleading tone that she hopes only he can hear. He looks over at her before protesting, noticing her look.
He nods, and she's surprised to see a small smirk on his face, "Sure. Want to bake the rolls? There's a can in the fridge."
She's too relieved to have something to do to catch his dig at first, but as she walks from the fridge to the baking sheet he set out for her, she chuckles. Their eyes meet and he is still smirking.
"The one thing Dean didn't get, huh?" she remarks quietly, wanting to keep it an inside joke. He only winks at her in response.
"Who is Dean?" Doula whispers at them. Rory blushes and Jess's smirk grows larger.
"I'll let Rory field that question. Her response will be much different than mine."
Rory rolls her eyes at his insinuation.
"Dean was my first boyfriend. Before Jess."
Doula looks at her perplexed, "How come I've never met him then? Doesn't he live here?"
Jess looks like he is enjoying this too much as he continues to cook and look back and forth between the two girls.
"Uh, no. He lives in Pennsylvania now."
"You were dating a guy that lives that far away from you?"
Jess bites his lip to keep from laughing, and Rory finally understands the confusion.
"Oh, no. I meant, he was my first boyfriend ever. When I was sixteen. Not recently. Not now before Jess…I mean, not that Jess is my boyfriend now." Doula looks more confused, and Jess looks at Rory with his eyebrows raised. "Okay. Not that he is not my boyfriend either. He is a man. That I am friendly with. Anyway, I dated Dean when I was sixteen. He was a great first boyfriend."
Doula nods slowly, "Okay, and so Jess was your second boyfriend. And now he's your…man friend again. So, he was your second and third?"
Rory shakes her head quickly, face flushing, "No, no. I had boyfriends between Jess then and Jess now."
"How many boyfriends have you had? Have you had any girlfriends?"
"Yeah Rory, have you had any girlfriends?" Jess can't help himself, his face looks like it's about to crack from the pull at the sides of his mouth.
"You know, your face is going to get stuck like that," Rory crosses her arms over chest in indignation, staring at Jess's wide smirk.
"I'm sorry, curious minds want to know!" he eyes her, trying to quell his smirk to appease her.
"No. No girlfriends. I hardly had the hang of romantic relationships with men, I couldn't even start to think about women."
"I think girls are pretty," Doula states matter of factly. Rory smiles at her.
"I agree, girls are very pretty. Especially this one," Jess tugs Rory to him and kisses her on the cheek.
"Rory is really pretty. I don't know why she's with you."
Jess gapes and turns to his sister who has an evil smile on her face.
"Oh, so you guys are really together again?" Liz pipes up from the table, "I thought so. That's great. I think it's great that you forgave Jess for whatever happened between you two as teenagers."
Jess cringes at her words but tries to cover his hurt with a scowl.
"I didn't have to forgive him for anything," Rory quickly corrects his mother, "We broke up as teenagers because it wasn't our time. But he cared a lot about me. We were happy."
Liz sips her wine and stares at them, "Okay. If you say so."
Rory opens her mouth to argue, but Jess stops her with a look and his hand on her arm. He shakes his head, it's not worth it. She slumps and gnaws at her lip.
The timer goes off, and Rory takes the rolls out of the oven. Everything else is done so the three of them start bringing the food to the table.
"No holiday turkey or ham, but I did manage to find a chicken to roast," Jess murmurs as he sets the entree on the table.
"Everything looks so great, Jess," Rory beams at him as she takes a seat at the table. He gives her a gracious smile and takes a seat next to her.
"Thank you for doing this," Liz says to both of them, her speech on the tip of slurring, "I'm sorry TJ didn't come."
"You told him not to come," Doula grumbles next to her mom. Jess looks back and forth between them.
"No, Doula. That is not what happened. And we were having a grown up conversation, you shouldn't have been listening."
Doula shrinks at the tone of her voice, and says quietly, "Sorry but you were only in the kitchen. I could hear you in the living room."
"What happened with you and TJ?" Jess asks, giving his sister a secret sympathetic look as he awaits her answer.
"Nothing," Liz responds quickly, "we just had a disagreement. Everything is fine."
Jess exhales a frustrated, "Right." He then grabs the wine and pours himself a big glass, hoping to impede Liz's drinking. He puts it back on the table and his mom picks it up at once, tipping the rest of it in her glass.
"Rory don't worry I brought another bottle. Do you want some? I'll open it," Liz asks, pointing to the paper bag that's sitting on the floor near her. Rory shakes her head as she begins to fill her plate with food.
"No thank you."
"Really? No wine on Christmas? It's a special occasion," Liz argues, picking up the other bottle. Suddenly she gasps and says, "Wait are you pregnant? Did my son get you pregnant that fast?! Wow that Mariano seed is strong." There is no doubt about how much she has had to drink now. The questioning brings Rory some pain that she can't hide from her face, and she feels Jess's hand on her leg. She meets his eyes, and he looks more in pain than she does, silently apologizing for his mother's insensitive words. He then turns to Liz, and it switches to anger, "No, Liz. Not everyone wants to fucking drink."
She doesn't respond, instead she finally starts to fill her plate with food. Jess seems to relax slightly at this, glad that she's ingesting something other than alcohol. They eat in silence, but instead of relief it makes Rory feel anxious. She looks across the table at Doula and can tell she's feeling the same way.
"Doula, what did you get for Christmas?" Rory asks to break the silence. Doula looks at her and gives her an uncertain smile.
"Um, I got a lot of Harry Potter stuff. Some new board games, some clothes. A lot of candy in my stocking, but I haven't had any yet because it makes me think of how sick I felt yesterday morning after our sleepover."
Jess and Rory both release a much needed laugh at her words.
"I am so sorry. I hope you can enjoy candy again soon. I will never be able to forgive myself if I ruined candy for you! It's a very important food group," Rory replies earnestly with a smile on her face. Jess places a kind hand on her leg again, and their eyes meet to share a soft smile.
"Oh yeah, Doula told me she threw up Swedish fish yesterday morning," Liz butts in, sipping from her glass, "you probably don't want to have any more sleepovers with her." Liz laughs like it's something to joke about, but Doula's shoulders slump a bit and she sinks into the chair next to her. Jess can't contain his frustration at this point, and he slams his wine glass on the table. Some of the red beverage spills over the top and Rory watches as it lands on his hand. She bites her lip at the force of it, surprised the glass didn't break.
"What is with your constant slights at Doula? What exactly do you find funny about making your daughter feel bad about something that happened by accident?"
"What are you talking about? Doula is fine, it was just a joke," Liz argues, chuckling. And in this moment Rory understands why Jess gets so frustrated with her, regardless of the topic. She's reminded of conversations with Logan in the past, times where he wouldn't take something seriously despite her insistence. Like when he made fun of Jess, and tried to tell her it was all in good fun. Or when he spoke down to Marty. Or when he treated her body as a sperm bank without her consent. The water off a duck's back thing isn't just a coping mechanism for Liz; it's a defense strategy to avoid taking responsibility.
"Does she look fine Liz?! Did she look fine when you insinuated maybe she's just bad at cooking the other day? Did she look fine when you guilted her about having a sleepover with me and Rory? Does she ever look fine when you tell her she's annoying?" Jess booms across the table. Rory wants to support him, but she sees how uncomfortable Doula is and makes a quick decision to get the girl out of the firing zone. She first turns to Jess and places a comforting hand in his lap. Before he can acknowledge it she gets up and pulls Doula's chair out, "I feel like going for a walk. Want to join me?" Doula looks around the table, unsure of what she should do.
"I'll show you where I talked Jess into eating gross food when he won my basket at bid-a-basket," she sweetens the offer.
Doula grins and nods, "Okay, I'll come."
"Great," Rory sighs in relief, she looks at Jess and sees a mixture of emotions on his face. Angry, sad, frustrated, but also grateful for Rory. She just nods at his unspoken words and says quietly, "We'll be at the bridge. I'll have my phone." His head moves ever so slightly up and down in acknowledgement. She watches as the fire in his eyes sparks again and he turns back to Liz. She leaves the room, taking Doula with her to get their coats before they witness an explosion.
He's been trying his hardest not to unleash this on Liz, he's been desperately trying to not wreck their relationship, so he doesn't lose the little bit of family he has now. But he can only hold back for so long, especially when it comes to his little sister. He feels strongly about protecting her and the childhood she deserves, because he knows what childhood she could have had if things went differently. But the way Liz is acting, and has been, makes him fear that it's still a possibility for the sweet girl.
"Liz. What the fuck is going on?" His voice is quieter than either of them expected, but they can both hear the immense fury in it. Liz gulps and lifts her wine glass to her mouth.
"Are you serious right now?!" This time he does yell. "I'm trying to have a really fucking important talk with you and you're going to just sit there and continue drinking?"
She looks ashamed for just a second before tipping the glass all the way back until it's empty.
"Figure I'm going to need it," she slurs, putting the glass down with a thud. His face twists in a mix of discomfort and exasperation.
"What. is. Going. On." he demands, his eyes and body language conveying animosity.
"Nothing Jess! Nothing that you can do anything about. I'm just trying to deal."
"Deal with what?!" Jess barks, fist dropping on the table, "What the fuck are you dealing with that has you drinking alone in your closet in the middle of the day? And taking shots at your ten year old child's self-esteem? Fighting in front of her with your husband? I'm not a parent but I can't think of a goddamn thing bad enough that would make me act that way."
He briefly thinks about the possible role as a stepfather to Rory's child. No, there's nothing that would fuck him up enough to do that even to someone else's kid that he's raising.
"I'm trying to deal with everyone hating me!" she exclaims, pouring herself another glass of wine from the second bottle she opened. Jess grunts and stands up, walking to her side of the table. He forcibly, but without hurting her, pulls the wine bottle from her grasp. He walks over to the sink and pours it all out, slamming the empty bottle on the counter when he's done. He turns back to her but keeps his distance, staying by the sink.
"Nobody hates you! And don't make us start with the way you're acting! Or is that exactly what you're trying to do? You want everyone to be mad at you and hate you?"
"Of course not!" she shouts, she stands up from her chair, slightly wobbling, "But you're all going to anyway so what does any of this matter? I failed you and Luke, I failed TJ, and I failed Doula. And now she's going to turn into me, a reckless teenager who got pregnant too young. It's all going to bite me in the ass so might as well numb myself to it now." Her resolve weakens by the end of her statement, and Jess notices her eyes are watery. He closes his eyes and takes a breath. He can't comfort her, it's just not something he can do. They have never had that sort of relationship and he can't fathom how they ever could. But he feels enough care that he decides to stop his approach of unceasing attack.
"Liz…please tell me what you're talking about. Did something happen?" he asks, voice quiet but pleading. He stands watching her, waiting patiently for a response as she stares at the table, body swaying slightly side to side every few moments. When she doesn't respond after a few minutes, he walks carefully back to the table, matching her stance on the opposite side of Liz.
"Rory mentioned that she heard you and TJ discussing the cost of Doula's dance stuff. Maybe you can tell me what that's about?"
Liz looks up at this, and he notices the unfocused glaze over her eyes. He huffs a short breath of frustration, trying to keep his grasp on the small amount of calm within him.
"You're a lucky guy. She's a sweet girl, must care a lot about you. I heard that you pulled a Jimmy on her years ago. Have to say I would never have gone back to your father if given the chance," she mumbles, but it's coherent enough that he gets the point. He loses his grip on his calm composure and slams his fist on the table again.
"I am not Jimmy! Do not compare me to him! I didn't leave her behind with a fucking child to take care of alone," he shouts, and then under his breath says, "Trust me, she has exes worse than me."
"I'm glad you two figured it out," she replies, completely ignoring Jess's hostility, "you gonna marry her? Have kids together? I've never pictured you as that type but maybe I'm wrong."
Jess shakes his head and grunts; he knows she's diverting the subject, but it doesn't make it affect him any less.
"What does that even mean? You don't think I'm capable of loving someone or having a family? Could that possibly be because you never showed me what that was like?!"
She opens her mouth but before she can respond, Jess starts speaking again.
"Well, I'm trying to be part of the family now, I'm trying to be a good son by helping you with whatever the fuck is going on, but you just keep saying hurtful things to me! You're trying to push me away and you're changing the subject on purpose. Tell me what's going on Liz! What is your problem?"
She crosses her arms over her chest and tries to morph her face into a steely look, but it's clear that she's lost control of her motor skills. He can see it in the wavering of her lips and cheeks.
"Right now, my problem is that my son only wants to talk to me when he's mad at me! You don't care about me otherwise. You're only talking to me, dealing with me, spending Christmas with me because you think I'm screwing up with Doula."
Jess steps back at the unexpected force of her words.
"That's not true," he insists, "I was coming for the holidays no matter what. I didn't just come to give you a hard time. And I came for Thanksgiving, and I visit at least every month or two. I've been here Liz, and I have been for years."
"Since Doula was born you mean."
He rolls his eyes, "Okay, yes, Doula makes a difference. But that shouldn't negate the fact that I've been trying to be a better son, that I've been present in your life despite what our past was like. That I care about you, and I'm worried about the way you're acting."
Liz sighs and closes her eyes. She rubs a hand across her face and then settles it unsteadily on the back of chair.
"We gave our savings to that commune," she finally mumbles after moments of silence.
Jess blinks at her, and asks "the cult? Luke and I got you out of that shit. What are you talking about?"
She shakes her head, "We gave it to them when we joined. Already dispersed among the community before you guys got us out of it."
He did not expect this at all, and is so taken aback all he can say is, "You're kidding?"
"I wish, Jess! I wish I was!"
"Why the fuck would you give a cult all your savings?!"
"It wasn't a cult, it was a commune and in communes, everyone shares money."
He scoffs, "Did you come out of it with any money? Or by share do you mean the Jim Jones wannabe leader takes it and fucks around?"
Liz looks at him, anger setting in on her face.
"This is why I didn't want to tell you! You're judging me!" she points a finger at him, losing her balance slightly and stumbling away from the table.
Jess steps closer to her, but just as he's about to respond, they hear the front door open. He looks past Liz and sees Rory and Doula hovering in the hallway between the living room and the kitchen. Rory's face looks apologetic.
"I'm sorry. Doula didn't have a scarf or gloves. It was really cold outside. We just came back to grab some. Um. I just need to run up to my mom's room to borrow something for her," Rory starts to turn towards the steps, but Liz's voice stops her.
"Don't worry about it, Doula and I are leaving," she starts to walk unevenly towards her daughter. Rory can tell she's drunk, and instinctively steps closer to Doula and puts an arm around her shoulders. At the same time, Jess moves himself in front of Liz.
"No, you're not. We are not done talking."
"I want to leave. Doula come on," she goes to walk past Jess, but he easily blocks her.
"You're drunk Liz! You cannot drive you or your daughter home!"
"I'm fine! I can drive. I drove us here just fine!" She shouts, and Jess's blood runs cold.
"What? You drove here drunk? With your child in the car?!"
"Not drunk! I just had a couple drinks before we left."
Jess's heart drops to his stomach, and rage surges through his body.
"Doula is not going anywhere with you."
"Yes, she is. You can't keep her from me. We can walk home, I don't need to drive. You want to go home Doula?" Liz manages to get around Jess just enough to seek out her daughter. Doula shrinks back into Rory's arm, unsure of what to do.
"What's going on?" she asks quietly.
"Do not put her in the middle of this anymore than she already is," Jess directs at Liz, "She's staying here. I'll drive you home. And pack a bag for her. And she'll stay here for as long as is necessary. Let's go." Jess takes her arm, gently, and leads her towards the front door.
Liz scoffs, "You can't do that Jess. She's my kid, and she has a father you know!"
"Yes, a father that apparently doesn't notice his wife is drinking and then driving their fucking child around, real standup guy," Jess hollers at her, but when he notices the moment of fright in her eyes he calms slightly, "Liz just…let me take you home. You get some rest, and we can talk tomorrow. Me and Rory will take care of Doula."
"It's okay, mom. I like staying here," Doula pipes up, she then walks up to her mom and gives her a hug, "I hope you feel better."
Jess watches with a troubled expression. Liz bows her head and nods, turning towards the front door. Jess grabs his coat and Rory's car keys from her outstretched hand, he leans in and kisses her on the cheek, whispering, "Thank you. I'll be back."
"You guys can open your Christmas gifts while I'm gone," he says, mustering a small smile before leading Liz out to leave.
Rory looks over at Doula, who still has a look of uncertainty on her face. She places a hand on her arm, "I know you're sick of candy right now, but how about some cookie dough?"
The side of Doula's mouth perks up, "Okay. And then gifts?"
Rory smiles and nods, "Absolutely."
A couple of hours later, Doula is napping on the couch, sleeping off a mix of exhaustion from waking up early to open gifts and eating sugary cookie dough. Rory is in the kitchen, washing dishes when she feels a pair of arms around her. She turns her head and looks at Jess.
"What's going on? What can I do to help?" she asks quietly, turning the sink off. She turns in his arms and wraps hers around him.
"Just…this." He whispers in her hair. She nods and holds him for a while longer until Jess pulls back just enough to capture her mouth. He kisses her deeply, imploringly, like he's searching for solace inside of her. She moves a hand to his head and runs her fingers soothingly through his hair as he devours her mouth. He places a hand on her face, then glides it down to her chest where he spends some time caressing her breast. Then he slowly moves his hand down, and suddenly it's between her legs. She pulls away with a quiet gasp.
"Jess, what are you doing? Your sister's in the next room."
He shakes his head and starts kissing her neck.
"I don't care, we can move to the bedroom," he mumbles, then brings his fingers under her dress and to the top of her tights. She pushes at his hand.
"I have my period too, Jess. We can't do whatever it is you're trying to do."
He heaves a sigh and pulls away from her, stalking to the back porch. She suddenly feels like she's a teenager again, back at that party where it was the beginning of the end. She panics for a moment, afraid to confront him, but then remembers that this is now; this is a more mature Jess. He's not running away, and she can talk to him. She follows him out to the porch and leans on the banister next to him. She stays silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts. Then she inches her hand on the banister to sit on top of his.
"Jess…please talk to me. Let me be there for you. Like you've been for me."
He doesn't respond right away, but he also doesn't move away from her or her touch. With an exhale he picks up the hand that's on his and kisses it softly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
She shakes her head, "I don't care about that. I care about what caused it."
He looks out over the yard, she can almost see the thoughts racing through his mind, but she can't translate them.
"You were gone a while. Did your mom give you a hard time?" she asks softly.
"No, I just needed some time to think. I drove around for a while. Then I realized I used a lot of your gas. Did you know there isn't a gas station open today here or the next town over? I had to drive almost all the way to Litchfield. But I refilled your tank, didn't want you running out of gas on your way to your interview on Tuesday. Something tells me the New York Times wouldn't accept the old 'ran out of gas' excuse if you're late."
A nervous feeling creeps into her chest. The babbling, the sexual advances, the needing time to think. She knows it's probably about his mom, but she can't shake the familiarity of seeing him unsettled like this and what it could mean for them.
"What did you need to think about? Your mom?"
He nods slowly, briefly meeting her eyes, "Yeah. Her, Doula, all that crap. And…us."
She thinks her heart has actually dropped out of her body at that word, and she looks down at the ground for a moment as if to check.
"Us?" she whispers, afraid of the answer.
He runs his free hand through his hair, then removes his hand from hers and covers his face with both.
"Rory…I was so happy this morning when I finished your chapter," he mumbles into his hands. She places a hand cautiously on his shoulder. He moves his hands from his face and turns to her; anguish etched on his features. She swallows but doesn't say anything. She doesn't know what to say because it sounds like there's a 'but' coming.
"And all I wanted to do was talk to you, kiss you and hold you, finally get this thing between us firmly established. That's what I came to do this morning. I walked into your room and watched you sleep after I finished reading it." He pauses, his eyes sweeping over her, replaying the memory in his head.
"You're so beautiful all the time, but when you sleep soundly, your skin all warm and pink, your shiny hair all over the place, your perfect lips just slightly open…I want to consume you. I want to take care of you. I want to make sure you sleep well every night for the rest of our lives."
Her heart starts to slowly come back to her and her cheeks flush. Maybe this isn't going to be so bad.
"Jess…" she says tenderly, gripping his hand in hers. He smiles softly but it turns into a frown quickly.
"But then Doula called, and this dinner happened, and everything got messed up, no surprise when my drunk mother is involved. But it's all worse than I thought, and I don't know how to fix it for her, it's going to take so much time and energy. I can already tell I'm going to probably be staying in Stars Hollow part time, and I'm currently backed up on work and that's just going to get worse. Even with Luke's help; helping my mom, helping Doula get the mother she deserves back is going to require a lot from me mostly because I won't be able to live with myself if I'm not around for this."
She's quiet, rubbing her thumb on the top of his hand. Waiting patiently for him to get through whatever difficult thing he's trying to share with her right now.
"I want to be with you so bad," Jess whispers, closing his eyes.
"You are with me."
He opens his eyes and looks into hers, pausing momentarily, hypnotized by the striking blue of them.
"No. I mean for real. I've been hoping for exactly what you wrote about this whole time…ever since you told me you planned to move to New York if I'm being honest. I envisioned us, our future. A serious relationship with you. Where we're not afraid of our love for each other. Communicating, dating, making love all the time… living together after one of our leases is up. It's been playing like a movie in my head this whole time, and I've just been waiting for us to get to the opening scene. I thought this morning was going to be it."
Rory bites her lip in anticipation of where he's going with this. A mixture of longing and trepidation pulses through her body.
"But I don't know what I have to offer you now, Rory. Not for the immediate future anyway. I finally thought our timing was right. But with all this shit that's going on…I can't be the person I've imagined myself being for you this whole time," his voice comes out strained and hurt, he grips her hand hard, "and that's the only person you deserve. I don't want to start our relationship here. The foundation is too…unpredictable."
"Jess…our relationship has already started," Rory responds in a hushed but adamant tone, "Nobody makes me feel the way you do, even without calling you my boyfriend or partner or whatever label you're thinking about. You're…Jess. You're my Jess. You have been since that night at Luke's, when you made me feel comfortable enough and cared about enough to let my guard down and tell you everything about my life that no one else knew."
He looks at her, face still screwed up in agony. She steps closer to him and places a hand on his face, running her fingers calmingly over all the places he's holding tension until he looks more relaxed.
"There's no pressure, Jess. None at all. I didn't give you that chapter to give you an ultimatum or anything like that. I don't need anything more than you can give right now."
"But you said we would talk about this after I read it," Jess says, voice weak now.
"Yes. Talk. And we're talking about it. I hear you, Jess. Things in your life are getting complicated, sort of like mine has been this whole time with you. And truthfully, I'm not sure what my life will look like if I get this job at the times either. But I do know I want you in it, in whatever capacity you can be."
He takes a trembling breath at her words, placing a hand over hers on his face.
"What do we do then?" He swallows to keep his emotions at bay.
"I think," Rory says softly, leaning her face closer to his, "We don't change a thing for now. We just keep doing what we're doing, when we can."
"Like we're dating?"
She nods and half shrugs, "Yeah. Like that. We talk, we kiss, we have sex when it's right. We respect each other's lives and schedules already, it's not like we are going to argue about not having time or anything like that. One of the best things about us is how much we support each other."
He releases a heavy sigh, the pent up emotions of the day finally getting some relief.
"And just the two of us, right? You're not going to go around kissing princes in Europe while you're on assignment at work?" his mouth moves into a half smirk. She chuckles and leans in to kiss him.
"Just the two of us. Those royals have nothing on you."
He smiles wide and kisses her again.
"You're the best," he whispers into her hair as he pulls her close.
"So are you."
They hold each other quietly for a few minutes.
"Think we'll survive?" he rumbles against her with a tight squeeze of his arms around her middle. He's trying to hide it, but the vulnerability in his voice is evident to Rory.
"Jess," she pulls back to look him in the eyes, to convey her sincerity, "I gave you that chapter so that you know how I feel. It was time for me to put my feelings out there for you. And those feelings will still be there whenever we do have the ability to take this to the next level, I'm sure of it. And from all the beautiful things you just said about our future, I don't think your feelings are going to change either. Right?"
His dark eyes roam over her face so intensely, she feels like he's burning through her skin. Then he crashes his lips to hers - hard and insistent. Conveying his answer perfectly.
"I wish I could take you to bed for the rest of the night. Show you how strongly I feel about all of this," Jess gasps as they pull apart, foreheads touching, and his thumb tracing circles on her cheek. She shivers under his touch, multiplied by the cold air that's numbed her body.
"I'll settle for just going inside where it's warm together."
He chuckles and kisses her again, taking her hand and walking them both back into the house.
"Did Doula ask any questions about anything?" Jess asks, helping Rory continue to clean the kitchen.
"No, I distracted her enough with cookie dough and the gifts. And she's smart Jess, I think she knew I wouldn't have any answers for her. Now once she wakes up and you're here…" Rory trails off, eyeing him carefully.
He nods slowly, "I know. I just don't know what I'm going to say to her."
Rory worries her bottom lip, trying to figure out how she can help him with this difficult situation at all. It's not fair that he has to be this person for his family, but she knows that he's taking that responsibility because he cares.
"Maybe you just take it a day at a time. Just talk to her about what happened today, don't get in to the future especially since there isn't a plan yet. Did you call Luke?"
He nods, "I did but he didn't answer. I left him a message and sent him a text, hopefully he's figured out how to read those by now."
She would laugh under different circumstances.
"Do you want me to call my mom? She always has her phone."
He shakes his head, "No, it's okay. Like you said, I'll just take it a day at a time. I don't want to ruin their trip."
"You are overestimating how much they actually wanted to take that trip. You sure you don't want me to call her?"
She sees the corner of his mouth perk up at her words, but just as quickly it's downward again.
"It's okay. Did you open your gift?" he meets her eyes with question.
"No, I didn't want to do it without you."
"Silly woman, I told you to," he smirks at her, then takes her by the arm to the living room. He picks up the unopened gift from under the tree and hands it to her.
She smiles, "It feels like a book. You wrote another book?!"
"I don't want to trample on your dreams, but no I did not write another book. Yet."
"Yet?!" she squeaks, and Jess puts his finger on his lips and points at Doula asleep on the couch.
"Open it. It's not that exciting, you're getting all wound up for nothing," he shrugs. She sighs but does as he says and starts to open it. She gasps when she sees a beautiful, vintage copy of Jane Eyre.
"Jess, this is gorgeous. It must have cost you a fortune!"
"It's not a first edition or anything, but I thought you would like it."
"I love it," she grins and opens it, and a small note falls out.
"Felt sacrilege to write in the actual book, I couldn't bring myself to defile it," Jess mutters as hers eyes scan over the note.
"'To my favorite independent woman: you've been on a tough journey just like your girl Jane. I'm so proud of you, always. - Jess'" she reads his words for her out loud and is only mildly embarrassed by the water in her eyes. She leans over and wraps him in a big hug, gulping at the emotions stuck in her throat. She whispers, "Thank you."
"Never forget it," he whispers back, running his hand up and down her spine.
They hear a small gasp from the couch, "what did he get you? I've been waiting to find out all day!"
Rory smiles over at Doula and holds up her gift, "A beautiful book."
She makes a face in response, "Is that romantic?"
"For us it certainly is," Rory laughs with a big smile on her face.
"What did you get him?"
Before Rory can respond, Jess says, "A glimpse at our future. Like a fortune teller."
Doula gasps, "she gave you a crystal ball?"
"Something like that," Jess smirks, sharing a quick look with Rory.
"Well, I loved my gifts. I can't believe you got me a Wii and Just Dance!"
Jess shrugs, "I figured you would like it. You seem to enjoy dancing until you're dizzy."
She jumps up from the couch and gives him a hug, then she pulls out a folded up piece of paper from the pocket of her jeans and hands it to him.
"Here. Sorry it's not wrapped or anything."
Jess smiles and unfolds the piece of paper to reveal a drawing she clearly made for him. A stack of books, some of his favorites: Howl, The Sun Also Rises, Ham on Rye, and Franny and Zoey.
"This is great, thank you. You drew all this yourself?" he looks at his little sister and she nods with a proud smile.
"Yes, I like to draw now. I even joined an art club at school. And I drew Rory one too. Hers had Emma and a vase of flowers on it."
"It's beautiful," Rory adds, lifting it up from a table nearby to show him.
"A dancer and an artist, you're one talented kid. How did you know what books to put on mine?" Jess asks and gets his answer when Doula's eyes shift to Rory.
"Ah, I see. You borrowed Rory's crystal ball."
"Something like that," Rory grins and Doula giggles.
"Should we do something lame like watch a Christmas movie?" Jess asks, looking between them.
"I guess I am staying here tonight?" Doula asks, smile falling slightly. Jess matches her serious look and nods.
"Yes. Is that okay?"
"It's okay. But is mom okay?"
"She…will be okay. She needs to get some rest tonight."
"Is it because she drank all that wine?"
Jess sighs and shoots her a sympathetic smile, "That's part of it."
"Okay," Doula responds quietly, "can we watch Elf?"
"Doula seems okay," Rory states to Jess later that night, her head on his chest as they lay together in her small bed. He breathes in deeply and nods.
"For now."
"She will be okay, she has great support."
Jess shrugs like he isn't thinking about it, but she can feel his muscles tense under her touch. She can hear his heart beating fast beneath her head. His hand runs continuously in anxious circles along her arm. She runs her soft fingers along his chest soothingly, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. She wants to help him relax, he deserves to get some rest. She moves her face up to give him a sweet kiss, but as he locks his fingers in her hair she deepens it and runs her whole hand down his chest and torso. He hums into their kiss, and she moves her hand down further, into his shorts.
He pulls away from her and whispers, "you have your period."
She nods slowly, in time with her strokes on his growing erection. He groans softly.
"I do but that doesn't mean everything is off limits," she responds in a whisper full of promise. She starts to kiss down his neck and grasps him more firmly.
"Baby…" his grip in her hair strengthens and he turns her head to look up at him, "you don't have to do anything. I didn't mean to make you think that."
"Shhhh. I want to. Let me make you feel good," she bites her lip and holds his eye contact in the dark as she increases the pressure of her strokes.
He throws his head back and moans, "Okay, if you insist."
She crawls down his body and releases him so she can pull his shorts down and off. She moves to sit between his legs. She starts kissing him on the tip, hand stroking the base.
"Wait," he says, turning his body for a moment and then suddenly the bedroom light is back on, "I want to see your beautiful face."
Rory blushes at the spotlight but doesn't stop her movements. She teases him with her tongue, circling his tip and down the side of his dick. He watches her with strong desire in his eyes, moaning quietly as he waits patiently for her to give him more. She feels him growing harder against her tongue and her hand, and when he's rock solid she looks up into his eyes and takes him into her mouth.
"Oh god, Rory baby," he groans, "fuck, do you know how sexy you are?"
He can see traces of a smile at the corners of her mouth as she takes him deeper, moving her head up and down at a slow, teasing pace.
"You do, don't you? You know you're driving me crazy, and you love it," he mutters between moans, "ugh, and I love it too."
Rory increases her speed at his words, and she works her way up to him hitting her throat.
Jess grunts at the contact, and he can't help but grab the back of her head with one hand and push himself into her further. She groans, and it vibrates all around him in her throat.
"You like that, huh? I'm going to take it from here, okay?"
She nods her head with him still in her mouth and he smirks at the sight. He places both hands on her head and starts controlling her movements, up and down.
"You're so pretty," he mumbles between moans, he brushes a finger across her top lip, "I wish I could live in this mouth, it feels so good."
Rory giggles at his words, but he cuts her off by pushing deeper into her throat. Her eyes water as she chokes. He pulls out of her mouth to let her breathe.
"Sorry baby, you okay?" he pets her hair and her face gently with a guilty smile.
She coughs and nods, "I'm okay, you can keep going. I can take it."
He smiles genuinely and sits up, meeting her face for a passionate kiss.
"Come up here for a second," he pulls at her body until she's straddling his lap. He wraps his arms around her and kisses her deeply, at the same time grinding his hardness between her legs. She moans into their kiss and moves her hips, looking for more friction.
"I knew this was turning you on," he mumbles with a smirk before kissing her again. She whimpers as he grinds into her again, and then feels his hand in the waist band of her pajama shorts. She pulls back.
"Jess- "
He kisses her before she can say anything else and starts rubbing her over her underwear.
"Relax baby, I can still take care of you without being inside you, you know."
She moans at the circles he's tracing over her sensitive bud, "but I'm supposed to be taking care of you," the fight weakens on her lips as the pressure of his fingers increase.
"You are, and don't think I'm not putting these pouty lips back on my dick."
Her eyes widen and she blushes at his dirty words.
He smirks, "I love how you still blush like that after you just had me down your throat."
He runs his fingers up her neck and jaw, "take off your shirt."
Before she can finish getting it over her head, his lips and warm tongue are on her chest, then sucking at her left nipple. She moans his name and feels him twitch against her leg. She trails a hand down his chest and stomach, then starts pumping him in time with his circles on her clit.
"Fuck, that feels good. But you're gonna come first." In opposition to his words, he pulls his hand from her shorts, and she whines at the loss.
"I know, I know. I just need to do something; open your mouth for me."
She looks at him curiously but does as he says. He grins and puts the fingers in her mouth that he just used on her, she instinctively closes her lips and wets them. Jess bites down on his lip as he watches her.
"Perfect," he takes his fingers from her mouth and puts them back in her shorts, this time going underneath her underwear to stroke her clit. Rory gasps, a mixture of arousal and surprise flowing through her. Jess leans in and captures her nipple again, moaning against her chest as they pleasure each other at the same time. Her moans start to turn into breathy expletives, and he knows she's close. He gently bites at her nipple and uses his thumb to rub her more quickly until he feels her body start to shake.
He pulls back from her chest to watch her face as she reaches her orgasm, growing harder as her mouth parts and she calls his name.
"So sexy," he mumbles to her as her body settles down. She leans her head against his for a moment, panting.
"I just need to catch my breath before you start choking me again," she says quietly, but her words turn him on more and he starts to stroke himself while he waits for her to be ready.
"Take your time, you're going to need all your oxygen," he winks at her with a smirk. Rory pulls back with a naughty smile and moves between his legs again. He releases a surprised groan as she wastes no time enveloping him in her mouth. He places his hands at the back of her head again and, more roughly than before, guides her movements until he's about to burst. He gives her a warning, but she surprises him further by keeping him in her mouth as he comes undone.
As the last of his orgasm washes over him, he meets Rory's big blue eyes as she sits between his legs with an adorably bashful look on her face. He grins and pulls at her arms until she's lying on top of him. He kisses her deeply and feels her face heat up more against his hand. He pulls away slightly and kisses her nose.
"Why do you look all Bambi right now? You were just a sex kitten only moments ago."
Rory's jaw drops at the term, "Sex kitten? Me? I don't think anyone else would describe me that way."
The admission makes Jess break into a real smile; he had a feeling that she was trying new things with him recently.
"Good, and I hope no one else ever does," he kisses her lips quickly, "Except yourself, of course. You should recognize your own power."
She blushes again, "I don't know about that. I will say I've never been more comfortable trying new things with someone as with you."
Jess looks over her face appreciatively, then frowns in seriousness, "I was never the safe one before."
"You weren't," she agrees softly, running a hand over his face.
She cups a hand to his cheek and looks into his eyes earnestly, "But you are now."
you never have to witness a conversation with Liz again here, thanks for sticking with me! And, a mom that we all love more will be back very soon :)
I hope you guys don't mind all the mature scenes. Aside from the indulgence of it, I imagine sex as a way for them to explore their trust and feelings for each other. We know Rory is a bit self-conscious and reserved, but adult Jess strips those inhibitions and the bedroom is a great place to show that I think.