thank you so much for the reviews, and thank you for reading! you guys are the best.
Mild/small (compared to my others) rated M scene ahead.
enjoy
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disclaimer: I own nothing
"So, did you have an affair with Antonio Banderas while you were in Spain? Did he take you to tango? Did he woo you with a rose in his mouth and his sexy accent? Please say yes! I promise I won't tell Jess. Ha! I rhymed. It's easy to rhyme with your man's name. Have you ever written him a poem? Like, 'oh Jess, you're the best! When you…take your clothes off, I'm so impressed!'"
Rory cringes and side eyes Lorelai from the passenger seat of the car.
"How many coffees have you had today, mom?"
Lorelai winces and mutters, "Four or five…maybe a whole pot."
"It's only nine in the morning!"
"Gah, I know! I woke up at 4am because I was just so excited to have my daughter back! Plus, there's always traffic driving to New York. And I just had to be sure that I got there in plenty of time to greet you at baggage claim with my very tasteful sign!"
"You mean the bright pink one, that said 'Welcome home, number 1 New York Times reporter Rory Gilmore!' in sparkly blue writing? And let's not forget the stickers you put all over it. Where did you find stickers of newspapers and pens and paper, and, oh yeah, my freaking face?"
"Yes, tasteful, just like I said. And the Stars Hollow stationary store, of course! I may have had Kirk special order them for me."
"Well, I hope you had to special order my face. Please tell me they don't sell stickers of my face in Stars Hollow?"
"Okay, I won't tell you."
"That's insane!" Rory exclaims.
"They just love you, babe. You're their superstar!"
Rory sighs, "Fine. At least the stickers are flattering. Also, if that sign was tasteful, I don't want to know what else you had in mind."
"My first draft said 'My daughter's home, suck it world!' With an old picture of you and me with our tongues sticking out. It's a gem honestly, I should have used it anyway."
"Well then I guess I should say thank you for toning it down."
"You're welcome. I wouldn't dream of embarrassing you in public."
"You've done more than dream of it, but okay. Anyway, I did not have an affair with Antonio Banderas, nor did I see anyone that looked remotely anything like him."
"Darn! We're 0 for 2 with that. Well, wherever you end up going next will you please hook up with a handsome celebrity so I can really brag about you? People just aren't that impressed with brains anymore."
"Absolutely, I'll prioritize it over writing about war and tragedies for you."
"That's all I ask!"
They share a laugh and then sit in comfortable quiet, only the sounds of Blondie's "Dreaming" playing on the car radio.
"So…did Jess have to work at the diner today?" Rory finally asks, feigning disinterest. Lorelai smirks.
"You made it a whole twenty minutes. I kinda thought you would crack after ten, but I forgot you are my daughter. You don't need a man!"
At Rory's annoyed look, Lorelai chuckles and answers.
"Don't be mad at him. I sort of manipulated it so that Luke would ask him to help in the diner this morning so that I could have one on one time with you."
"Why? Is everything okay?"
"Yes! Everything is totally okay. I missed you and I know that as soon as you and Jess are back together you'll be in your love bubble. Just wanted some alone time with my favorite daughter," she grins as she says it, but Rory catches the quiet emotion.
"Mom…he's not replacing you or anything. I have room for both of you in my life."
"I know honey. But I know that you two will want time for…things and stuff."
"Things and stuff? Where's the woman that brazenly asks about my sex life?!"
"She's still in there, just a little quiet right now because..well…she may have got more than she bargained for," Lorelai mutters with big eyes.
Rory sits straight up and turns to face her, tense with anticipation.
"What does that mean? Spill! Now!"
Lorelai winces.
"So, you see, it was a really busy day at the inn. I snuck away for a late lunch at Luke's. I was just enjoying my lunch at the counter, a BLT, add turkey, so I guess basically a turkey club, but with less bread. Anyway, it occurred to me that my phone had not gone off in a while which was strange because as I said, busy day at the inn," Lorelai rambles with a nervous chuckle. Rory eyes her peculiarly.
"Okay…"
"And so, after searching my pockets and my purse, I realized that I didn't have it. Then I figured I should probably call the Inn to let someone know that I don't have my phone, so if they need me I'm at Luke's for lunch. I was going to use the diner phone, but Luke was on it taking an order. So, when Jess came down from the apartment, I waved him over. I said 'hey, you, guy dating my daughter. Do me a favor and let me use your phone to call the inn.' I may have shouted it, which may have annoyed him, but it worked, and he let me use his phone. I called the inn, told the front desk what I needed to tell them yada yada ya. I hung up, and Jess was busy clearing off tables soooo the devil on my shoulder told me to send you a funny text from his phone…"
Rory slumps back in her seat, closing her eyes.
"Oh no. Was this perhaps a few weeks ago?"
"I don't know exactly, I've tried erasing it all from my mind."
"Oh, god. Don't tell me you saw…"
"The conversation was just cut off enough that I only saw the bottom of Jess's hand. I don't want to know what was in it. But I'm pretty sure I can guess based on the texts underneath it. Needless to say, I know there is going to be serious pent up sexual energy and I would rather the two of you work that out on your own time. Therefore, I orchestrated us having the morning together, so you can have as much of the afternoon as you want with him to…exercise your desires."
Rory covers her hot face with her hands and groans.
"Oh my god! That's mortifying!"
"Just think how I felt! I immediately closed out of the conversation and left his phone on the counter with money for my food and promptly ran out the door. It took me a couple of weeks, but I can now look him in the eye again without grimacing."
"So, he doesn't know what you saw?"
"I don't think so. If he does he, shockingly, has had enough tact not to bring it up."
Rory blows out a breath.
"Well, this is awkward."
"Mhmmm…"
"I swear we don't do that a lot! That was actually the first time. I'm not insatiable or anything!"
"You don't need to defend yourself, no one is judging you! I think it's…great. I just wish I didn't see it."
Rory sighs, arms crossed over her chest.
"What would possess you to think it would be a good idea to do that anyway? I wouldn't read your texts with Luke!"
"The devil on my shoulder, remember?! She bears a striking resemblance to Regina George. And you can't anyway because the man doesn't text."
"I'm sure that doesn't stop you from sending him messages."
Lorelai grins, "You know me so well, daughter."
"For better or worse," Rory mumbles, "anyway, what do you have planned for us this morning?"
"Definitely going to stop for coffee soon and breakfast. And then, I thought we could stop at your Grandfather's grave," Lorelai smiles softly and turns her gaze off the road for a moment to look at Rory, "I got those pictures you sent us from Fez printed. Thought it would be nice to leave a couple there."
Rory mirrors her mother's soft smile, "That sounds perfect."
Pulling up to Luke's that afternoon, butterflies erupt in Rory's belly. She feels like a schoolgirl again, excited to see her handsome, clever crush. Lorelai parks the car and they both get out. Lorelai's hands full of empty coffee cups and finished snacks, which she quickly tosses into a nearby trash can before they walk into the diner. Luke is delivering food to a table by the door when they walk in.
"Oh Lukey, look who's home!" Lorelai exclaims, grasping Rory at the shoulders. Luke smiles at her and opens his arms for a hug.
"Welcome back, Rory. We missed you," Luke pulls back from her and looks up towards the apartment with a nod, "some more than others."
Rory beams and glances at the stairs, "Can I go up or is he still supposed to be working?"
"Please go up. He's been extra frustrating today, antsy to see you I'm sure."
Rory bounces in place and looks to her mom for approval.
"Go ahead, honey. We'll see you guys later for dinner," she squeezes Rory's arm, then leans in to whisper, "Just remember that Luke and I have done many things on his old bed and in the shower."
"Oh god, mom!" she groans as she wiggles out of her grasp to move towards the steps.
"Ha! That's payback for what my motherly eyes had to see!" Lorelai calls after her, then says to Luke, "one coffee please!"
"No. I saw you throw out all those empty cups. You've had more than enough for one day!"
"But Luke, I'm going to crash soon! I got up so early to pick up my brilliant and nomadic daughter. I've been awake for eight hours already! So basically, it's already another day, so if you think of it that way, I actually have a lot of coffee quota left. Please Luke! I need it to keep me up straight and looking pretty for the rest of the day!"
Luke sighs in exasperation, "Okay fine! You know your stomach is going to rot one day, you crazy lady."
"Good thing I'll have my loving husband around to take care of me!"
Rory looks back to catch the sweet smile Luke reserves only for her mother, and her heart warms. She turns and runs up the stairs quickly, her entire being begging her to see Jess as soon as possible. As she comes up to the door, she knocks lightly and calls out, "Candy-gram!"
She hears swift footsteps and suddenly the door swings open, revealing Jess in just a gray towel wrapped around his hips. Water drips from his dark hair, running along his alluring neck and down his chiseled upper body. She bites her lip as her eyes shamelessly rake over him, until she meets his handsome face - devilish smirk stretched across it. She grins at him, taking a moment to internalize the wonderful feeling of seeing each other in person again after six months. After a beat, his arms reach out to grab her and pull her inside the apartment. He slams the door by pushing her body against it with his, hot breaths hitting each other's faces before he starts to devour her mouth with the force of a starving man.
"You're my favorite kind of candy indeed," he mumbles onto her lips when he comes up for air momentarily. She hums in appreciation of his words, and he quickly covers her mouth again to swallow her sounds. One of his hands grasps her right at the back of her head, while the other squeezes at the flesh of her hip. With his shirt off, she can't help but roam her own hands all over his exposed parts. The hardness of his body, the indents in his stomach muscles, the breadth of his back and arms have her squeezing her thighs together. His erection pushing against the apex of her hips causes her to slowly grind into him.
He releases her mouth with a groan, and she takes the opportunity to fist the top of his towel and pull it off him. He immediately starts pulling at her clothes, tossing her denim jacket aside and slipping her dress from her shoulders down to the floor. She sees his desk to the left of them, taking up space in the small living room but delightfully accessible. She makes quick work of her bra and underwear, then takes his hand and leads him over to it. She grins at his growing erection as she sits her bare bottom on the desk and spreads her legs to him. He steps closer to her with a seductive smirk on his face, and she pulls him right up against her by wrapping her legs around him.
"Welcome home, my little sex kitten."
She flashes a coquettish grin, "Do you have a welcome home gift for me?"
He looks down between their hips, then brings his face to hers.
He whispers on her lips, "I sure do," then pulls her into another series of consuming kisses. He leans his hips away from her slightly to find her center with his hand, where he teasingly rubs the tips of his fingers up and down her dripping lips. He inhales deeply as he pulls his mouth from hers.
"Jesus, you're so ready for me. It's fucking beautiful."
She blushes.
"Have you been waiting for this since you got up this morning? Thinking about it on the plane, at the airport, on your way here?" His husky voice makes her shiver.
She bites her lip and nods through her instinctual embarrassment; she can tell he wants this just as much as she does by the twitch of his dick against her leg.
"More than all day. Since I last saw you," she brazenly admits, cheeks aglow in hues of pink.
He groans at that thought, "Me too, baby. No more waiting." He leans forward and captures her mouth once again, strangling her with his rough kisses and demanding tongue. She feels him near her entrance and reluctantly pushes back from him to speak a concern that's been bouncing around in the back of her mind. He pauses his movements and watches her face.
"Jess, sorry I hate to ruin the moment, but do you mind using protection? Not because of anything weird. Just because I'm a little nervous with the time changes and taking my pill. I honestly don't know how that works and I don't think we should take any chances. I should really probably think about getting an IUD. Or isn't there something that they can put in my arm or like a patch or something? I guess you wouldn't know, you don't really have to worry about that stuff. I'll make an appointment -"
Jess cuts off her flow of words with a deep kiss. He pulls back and puts both hands on her face to look her in the eye.
"Never apologize for that. It's your body, Rory," he pecks her lips once more, "I'll be right back."
Her muscles relax in comfort and warmth at his words. He comes back, covered up just as she asked. He grins at her as he steps back between her legs.
"You know, this will help me last longer too. Very convenient as I was about to burst just from touching you."
She presses her legs together at his dirty, exciting words. The way he makes her feel irresistible is not something she takes for granted. He is the first person to successfully disarm her of her sexual self-consciousness, and in return she wants him to know her desire for him is just as strong.
"Please, I need you," she shamelessly pouts, pulling him in closer with her legs. He smirks and lines himself up at her entrance.
"I'm all yours, baby," he grunts out the promise as he finally pushes inside of her. He presses her body back flat on the desk, and takes her with reckless abandon. Both moving and grabbing erratically, trying to cover every square inch of each other's skin with their touch, reveling in the long awaited opportunity to be like this again. He brings them both to a powerful finish, drawers banging in and out of the desk as he slams into her to ride out their combined orgasms.
"So…you didn't miss me, huh?" she jokes breathlessly under the weight of Jess's spent body. He puts his hands on the desk at her sides and pushes up to fix her with an amused smile.
"Cute."
"Yes you are," she grins, running a hand over his face. He turns slightly to kiss her palm.
"You okay? Was that too rough?"
She shakes her head, "It was the perfect welcome home gift."
He simultaneously leans down to kiss her while he pulls himself out of her. He pulls her up off the desk and walks her to sit on the couch. He quickly cleans himself up before sitting next to her. He grabs her at her sides and urges her to move to his lap.
"Wait, I have an actual gift for you," she gets up and moves to the bag she left by the door.
"You say that as if what I just gave you wasn't an actual gift."
"You know what I mean!" she argues, pulling the gift from her bag and walking back over to him. She hands him the journal she bought in Fez, sitting back down next to him. He breaks into a genuine smile and runs his fingers over the cover.
"This is beautiful, Rory." he leans over to kiss her.
"Open it!"
He does as she instructs, and finds her note inside:
Jess, This journal made me think of you. To the passerby in your life, you're tough and impenetrable like leather. But those you let in close get to see the beautiful, delicate layers of care and complexity that make up the work of art that is you. Thank you for letting me be one of those people. It's a gift I hold close to my heart. Yours, Rory.
He reads in his head, finishing her note with a loud swallow. He places the journal on the coffee table and takes her face in his hands to kiss her softly, tenderly thanking her.
"When do you go back to New York?"
The question catches her off guard after their exchange. She eyes him curiously.
"I'll be working in the office starting next Monday, but I will probably head back this Friday before. Why?"
"Just wondering," he watches his thumb trace her bottom lip, "I have a couple of errands to run there. I'll take you back."
She grins, "Don't mean you'll go with me? Seeing as how you have my car and all."
"Sure," he chuckles, "whatever you say, sex kitten." He carefully pushes her onto her back on the couch. Her throat thrums as his lips and tongue work their way down her body.
"I can't believe you have me naked on this couch again," she mumbles. He smirks and continues his path. She bites her lip and looks down at where he's heading. Throwing her head back with an excited smile, she notices boxes piled up nearby.
"Hey what are all those boxes? They weren't here last time I came up here."
"You mean Thanksgiving, almost a year ago?" he mumbles against her skin, evading her question.
She sighs as he kisses across her stomach.
"Things don't change around here though, it's Luke! What are those boxes for?"
"Don't know, you'd have to ask Luke."
He starts to take nips at the taut skin between her hips. She groans and closes her eyes for a moment.
"Jess," she murmurs, opening her eyes again. "Hey those boxes say "books". Since when does Luke own books, let alone enough to fill three boxes?"
"Rory," he grumbles against her skin, "I'm doing some of my best work here, and you're just talking right through it." To make his point, he dips his tongue between her swollen lips.
She moans then says, "I've heard that before. How do you decide what your best work is? Does that mean that the other time you said it, wasn't really your best work and this is?"
She smiles wide and looks down as she teases him. He gives her a serious look and leans forward into her center.
"Ror," he says sternly, "if you don't stop asking questions, I'm not going to be able to use my mouth for more important things."
Then, he quickly finds her clit between his teeth and bites down. She yelps at the sensation shooting up from her between her legs through every part of her body.
"Oh god," she groans as he soothes the bite with soft licks, "okay. Yes sir. No more questions."
They spend the rest of the afternoon getting reacquainted with each other's bodies. In between, talking books and sharing food or coffee; just long enough to reenergize for another round. When dinner time rolls around, they reluctantly clean up and get dressed to go to Luke and Lorelai's. It's a comfortably warm September night, and so they decide to walk all the way there from the diner. As they pass Lane's house, she insists on stopping to say hi.
"Rory! You're back," Lane greets her with a squeal and a big hug at the front door, "and you are absolutely glowing!"
"Why thank you, you look amazing too," Rory smiles, looking over her friend who is wearing a leather skirt with fishnet tights and a vintage Cramps t-shirt, "very rock n roll!"
"Thanks, we're doing a small gig tonight at a bar in Bridgeport. Just something to keep our hands busy. You guys should come!"
"That would be so fun," Rory beams, looking over at Jess. He shrugs.
"Sure. Maybe. Though I kinda planned on keeping my own hands busy tonight," he raises an eyebrow in Rory's direction; her face burns under his look.
"It seems like you've already spent the day doing that, hence the sex glow she's sporting," Lane chimes in with a knowing smile. Rory gapes at her.
"Sex glow?! I just got back from Spain, maybe it's tan!"
"I've known you your whole life, you don't tan my friend."
"Lane!" She exclaims, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You embarrassed of me or something?" Jess jokes, taking in her indignant body language.
"No, just how did our sex life become everyone's business?!"
"Hey now, I wasn't trying to make it my business. Just making an educated guess," Lane hugs Rory quickly again, "I'm sorry, but I have to go get ready for this gig. Hope to see you there!"
She closes the door and Jess places an arm over Rory's shoulders, walking them towards Maple street.
"Who's everyone? Did I miss something?"
Rory sighs, "No, I'm just being dramatic."
"Uh huh."
"Really. It's nothing."
"Uh huh."
"Okay, fine. My mom saw our dirty texts on your phone a few weeks ago! She told me this morning."
Jess stops for a moment considering her words, then chuckles and continues to walk.
"So that's why she didn't make eye contact with me for almost two weeks."
"It's so embarrassing!"
"Why? She's the one that went snooping. Don't be embarrassed."
She heaves an incredulous sigh, "Jess!"
He stops and turns to her, placing his hands to hold her by her upper arms.
"Sorry. You're bothered by this. Did she see the picture you sent me or something?"
She shakes her head and looks down, "No. She didn't. She saw the end of our conversation and part of your hand."
His mouth twitches but he schools it for her.
"Tell me why you're bothered. Besides the embarrassment aspect."
She half shrugs and slowly lifts her head, meeting his concentrated look that easily unravels her.
"I like our private moments. I like when it feels like we're in our own world. It's…hard to feel that way here," she looks around her, at the overly friendly neighborhood. He doesn't waver from giving her his full attention.
"You feel like people are intruding on us."
"Intruding makes it sound harsher than it is…I liked when we were in New York. Other things sucked but not spending time with you."
He allows his mouth to twitch into a half smile this time.
"I get it, Ror. I really do."
She nods and looks at him through her lashes, "Our lives have been crazy this year. We're both unsettled and don't have a lot of time to give to each other."
"It makes you value the intimate moments more," he nods and runs his hands up and down her arms, "like I said, I get it."
"I know you do. And nothing can really be done about it either. It's okay. I told you I'm being dramatic."
He shakes his head to dismiss her assessment. He leans in and kisses her.
"You're not dramatic. I know that I'm not giving you everything you need and that's part of why you feel this way. I know you need stability and security, to feel safe and protected. To be a part of each other's day every day. I know that I haven't been able to offer that to you yet, but I will. I promise, Rory."
She softens at his words, gazing adoringly up at him.
"Jess…it's not your responsibility. I'm just being sensitive."
"But there are things that I can do, and will do, that will make this sort of stuff better. And I'm sorry, I probably just made it worse with everything we did above the diner. That was the complete opposite of protecting you. Anybody could have heard, Jesus," he drops his hands from her arms and runs one through his hair. An appreciative smile tugs at her lips and she reaches to take his hand in hers and pulls to continue their walk.
"I was a very willing participant in all that. I could have been quieter if I wanted to."
He smirks at that, then brings her hand to his lips to kiss it.
"Still, I need to work on these things. So, you feel good and secure, the way you deserve to feel with me. The future of our relationship depends on it," he winks at her. Her chest warms and she has to stop herself from skipping the rest of the way to her mom's.
"We're here," Rory calls through the house as her and Jess step through the door.
"Living room! Unless you want Luke, then kitchen!"
Rory smiles and tugs at Jess's hand, pulling him to sit on the couch with her and Lorelai.
"Hello lovebirds," her mom smiles wide at both of them and then calls out, "Oh Luke, will you bring a nice hot coffee in here for Rory? Something tells me she needs to refuel."
"Mom…"
"It sounded like you guys were moving furniture up there. Hope you didn't break anything."
Rory sighs and looks up at the ceiling. Jess gives Lorelai a stern look that has her taken aback.
"Oh, oh what's that look? Why are you looking at me like I'm Cruella and I've asked about your puppies one too many times?"
Rory's head turns to see Jess's glare and she can't stop the small grin it puts on her face.
"I forgot to clean up before Rory came home. I had to move some furniture around to make it more comfortable. That's all you heard."
Lorelai tilts her head with a glint in her eye, "More comfortable for…what?"
Jess huffs and rolls his eyes, "Lorelai, don't you think you've invaded our privacy enough?" he finishes by throwing her a pointed look.
Lorelai gasps, "Rory you told him about me seeing your texts? And Jess, you, you're being protective of her? Protective Jess! I didn't know this side of you existed. Since when? You're protecting my own daughter from me?!"
Jess shrugs, "That's really none of your business either."
Lorelai gapes and looks back and forth between him and her daughter. Rory squeezes Jess's leg in gratitude and tries to steer the conversation.
"Hey, what's up with the newspaper clippings and photo album on the coffee table? I'd like to talk about that."
"Hey Rory, here's a coffee," Luke walks into the living room, placing the cup down on the coffee table, he nods towards Jess in greeting.
"Luke! Your nephew is protecting my daughter from me, and they won't explain themselves." Lorelai pouts to her husband, who looks between Jess and Rory briefly.
"What did you do to them?"
"Nothing! Just made a couple jokes."
"Oh god. I'm sure they have their reasons then." Luke waves her off and heads back to the kitchen.
"Mom, relax. I'm just a little uncomfortable with the commentary on the things Jess and I do in private. I mentioned it to him and he's just trying to make me happy."
Lorelai watches as Rory shoots Jess a secret smile, that she's surprised to see him return. She softens her defenses and places a hand on Rory's arm.
"Sorry honey, I understand. I'll stop."
"Thank you."
"It was getting kinda old anyway. Like kicking a horse or whatever that saying is."
"Dead is the key word to that saying," Jess cuts in with a teasing smirk.
"Funny, that's also what you will be if you keep correcting me and protecting my own daughter from me," Lorelai's response is rapid-fire, but she offers him a friendly smile that shows she actually appreciates him.
"Alright you two, that's enough. Now seriously, what's going on with this stuff?" Rory gestures to the coffee table.
"Ah yes, this is my 'Rory's journalism achievements' photo album. I'm just adding your most recent articles to it."
"Wow, super proud Luke and Lorelai," Rory mumbles and picks up the album from the coffee table and opens it up.
"Well, you're my only daughter that works for the New York Times! Shame on the others."
"Yes, shame on the other invisible ones," Rory flips through images of her work from Chilton and Yale.
"This you working on the paper at Yale?" Jess asks, pointing to an image of her behind a computer in the Yale Daily News office. Rory smiles and nods.
"Yes, and this picture is totally, completely candid. My mom did not tell me to pretend to be doing something important or anything."
"Hey, if you were just sitting there smiling someone might think you didn't have an important job! I don't want friends and family thinking you were hired for your looks."
Rory rolls her eyes as Jess smirks and continues to flip through the pictures.
"Well, that's better than when you had me break into a dorm room at Harvard to take a picture I guess."
"What's this?" Jess asks, and Rory looks down to see pictures of a party. Her stomach drops as she realizes where they were taken.
"Oh, um that's the graduation party my grandparents threw me. Mom, why are these in here?" she turns and gives her a look. Lorelai looks at her quizzically.
"Well because you were graduating Yale which you attended to get into journalism, duh! The party is totally related. And you looked oh so pretty!"
"I see. All of it? The whole party?" Rory's eyes widen, begging her mom to get on her brainwave. But she soon realizes it's too late.
"Huh," Jess's signature grunt sounds from next to her. She and Lorelai both look down to see a picture of Logan holding a ring box in front of Rory.
"Oh my, I did not mean to add that one. Really, I had this photo album already filled with pictures and just kinda decided to add to it today. So I must have put it in there a long time ago," Lorelai babbles with a nervous laugh and reiterates, "a long, long time ago."
"So, he's not giving you a class ring I take it?"
There's no humor in his voice, and he's not looking up from the photo album. Rory's heart sinks.
"I'm sorry, Jess. It was so long ago. I totally forgot about it," Rory watches him with a pleading look. He nods slightly.
"Right."
Suddenly the distance between them is vast, though they haven't moved from next to each other on the couch. She tries to think of something, anything to bridge that distance quickly and panics.
"I obviously said no," she says quickly and adamantly, placing a hand on his leg.
"Obviously."
Every one word response hits like a punch to her ribcage, punishing her for her omittance of significant information. The memory of Jess at the winter carnival, hurt because she was spending time with Dean without his knowledge, comes to mind. Then after that, the memory of Jess seeing a flier with her and Dean's name on it. He may have been acting unnecessarily jealous, but in the end he did only ask that she give him a heads up about those things - 'so I don't have to read about them on telephone poles'. Well, now the telephone pole is this photo album, and the information much less innocent. And even though it's not exactly the same, since she was with Logan at the time, she still feels horrible about him finding out this way. Especially after everything they have been through related to her ex.
She doesn't know what to say, so she just whispers, "Jess."
He abruptly stands up and hands Lorelai the album, "Here. Gonna go see if Luke needs help."
Rory watches his disappearing form with anguish. Lorelai closes the album and slowly places it back on the coffee table.
"So…I'm guessing Jess didn't know that you were almost a married woman."
Rory turns sharply, "I was not!"
"Okay," Lorelai throws her hands up, "Okay. If you say so. Just…honey. Learn from my mistakes, please. If you care about Jess, if you care about your relationship, do not keep anything from him. Whether it's something that happened in the past or not, don't keep secrets."
"I didn't mean to," Rory mumbles, falling back into the couch with frustration, "He would have found out in the book, if I kept writing it. I wasn't trying to keep it from him."
"I hope not. Because keeping information about you and Logan from Jess is like me keeping information about Christopher from Luke. And you have seen firsthand how that's played out for me."
"But you did marry dad and you didn't tell Luke directly!"
"That's different, we were in a weird break up place at that time. Which is the place I am trying to keep you and Jess from! What I mean is, I would never want Luke to feel shanghaied by old information, you never know what's going to happen. Like you could be thinking you're going to a regular old family dinner with your not-girlfriend, feeling confident in your not-casual relationship, only to find out from a flimsy little picture that someone was so into her in the past that they tried to marry her. The same someone that was also into her enough to get her pregnant in secret hopes of having a future with her."
"What's up with the exaggerated 'nots' and 'someone's'? Are you trying to tell me something?"
"Wow, you are sharper than Bowie's cheekbones. Really got your money's worth out of Yale, huh?"
Rory shoots her an impatient look.
"Right, not time for jokes. What I am not so subtly trying to tell you is that even though you two seem to be in a good place, and you seem to understand how important you are to each other, having it defined still makes a difference. And last time I checked you two still haven't adopted any titles, which I understand, I really do. But, think about it Rory. Logan - casual boyfriend, serious boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, serious boyfriend again, almost fiancé, ex almost fiancé/boyfriend, sidepiece, then the father of your child, and even though that didn't work out that is still one hefty label. Now let's go over Jess's shall we? Friend, flirty friend, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, and now…what? Lover? Someday boyfriend again? Everything Logan related would be intimidating to any man that dates you, and Jess has handled all of those things well so far. Having secrets, intentional or not, is going to push him. Do you see what I'm saying?"
Rory puts her head in her hands and groans.
"You're right. I'm an idiot."
Lorelai rubs a hand on her back, "not an idiot babe. You and Jess are serious, whether the two of you acknowledge that or not, and you haven't really had much practice with adult serious relationships besides Logan, as I said. It's going to be okay, you just need to work through these things."
"I'm going to try and talk to him," Rory stands from the couch.
"Okay. Tell him everything hun, so he knows you're not being secretive about it on purpose."
Rory nods and heads to the kitchen where Luke is setting the table.
"Hey Rory, dinner will be ready in about five minutes."
"Okay thanks. Have you seen Jess?"
"I asked him to grab me a beer from the porch, but at this point I think he's taken it upon himself to drink it instead."
Rory gives him a half smile and nod. She turns to the back door and steps carefully onto the porch. Jess leans against the railing on his elbows, a beer between his hands. He turns to look at her and her heart sinks more at the stormy look in his eyes. His gaze roams over her body and lands on her face, holding her stare. He tilts the beer in her direction, and she shakes her head. He turns his face towards the yard and leans back enough to take a swig. Rory watches his movements, noticing the curve of his bicep and the bulging vein up his arm. Her eyes move down his body, and she notices his physique hasn't changed at all since she last saw him.
"Is there a gym in Stars Hollow? How do you look even more fit?"
She sees him bite back a laugh, and it puts her nerves somewhat at ease. She steps closer to him. He turns his face back towards her, staring up at her through his dark lashes as he stays leaning over the banister.
"I have my ways," he mumbles with a shrug. She stands next to him. She takes a deep breath and dives in.
"Are you mad that I didn't tell you about Logan proposing to me?"
He shrugs and feigns indifference.
"I wouldn't say mad."
"Jess…I'm sorry you found out that way."
"It's fine. That's between you and him. Why would you tell me?"
"Don't be like that. Please…I would want to know if someone ever proposed to you."
That gets him to crack a half smile. She steps closer, encouraged by this.
When he says nothing, she asks, "So…has anyone proposed to you?"
He finally lets his guard down and chuckles, throwing an arm around her shoulders.
"Chris and Matthew have. It's their default response whenever I do something uncharacteristically nice for them. Like cover a shift. Or pick their drunk asses up."
She smiles at that and looks up at him. He always seemed like he enjoyed being a loner, that he didn't need any friends, but she catches a bit of wistfulness in his tone and expression.
"Do you miss them?"
"A little."
"I'm sorry you don't get to see them more."
He shrugs. She gives him a look.
"It's okay to miss your friends, Jess."
He shrugs again, his fingers squeeze her shoulder, "I don't miss them as much as I've missed you."
She softens. Her chest floods with warmth, and all she wants now is to put everything on the table. She turns her body to face him and looks into the depths of his eyes as she speaks.
"He proposed to me at the graduation party. It came completely out of nowhere. We hadn't talked about that before. I was graduating college, finally. I was ready to jump into action, take the world by storm and all that. He had plans to move to California and start his own company out of the Huntzberger shadow. I supported him endlessly. When he proposed, he talked about living together in a beautiful house with an avocado tree in the backyard - in California of course. And all I could think was I would have to give up so much of myself to be what Logan was asking me to be. It wasn't fair, to either of us. I told him at the party I needed to think about it. He demanded an answer at my actual graduation. It was an ultimatum. All or nothing. I chose nothing with him so I could have all of myself."
She feels his shaky inhale before she hears its audible exhale. He puts his arms around her and holds her tighter. She sinks into his comfort, and it eases her into opening up more.
"I did love him then, I can't lie. But I knew it wasn't meant to be. The person I'm meant to be with would never ask me to erase parts of myself to fit his mold. He wouldn't try to slow me down from chasing my dreams. The person I'm meant to be with is a million times more important than the college boyfriend that tried to marry me," she swallows and wraps her arms around Jess's middle more tightly, pushing her ear against his chest to listen to his calming heart, "the person I'm meant to be with supports me and encourages me to follow my dreams. Even if it means missing me while I'm gone."
He holds her to his body, one hand at the back of her head and the other around her waist. He squeezes her tightly.
"Thank you," he murmurs in her ear.
"I wasn't keeping it from you on purpose. It would have been in the book."
She feels him nod his head.
"But I should have thought to tell you at some point. Especially when you helped me deal with the aftermath of the affair."
He nods again, because he won't deny that. There were plenty of opportunities for it to be said. She sighs, and softly shares, "Part of me felt like I was collateral in his plan to reject everything his family wanted for him. Since they didn't see me as an appropriate fit for Logan, which they made clear from the start. I think that's really why he wanted all or nothing, not because it would break his heart. Because marrying me would have been another feat in his rebellion against his family's wishes. Dating me wasn't enough anymore."
Jess pulls backs, eyes roaming over her face for any sign of regret or sadness. It's not there. He grins softly and kisses her forehead.
"Can I ask about the affair? How did that start then if you knew you didn't want to be with him?"
Rory looks past him for a moment, forming her response. Lorelai's words ring out in her mind - tell him everything.
"I was lonely and depressed about my grandfather, and probably my own lack of success as well. Logan was someone familiar, a comfort that I allowed myself to indulge in. I know that's no excuse, I could have ate a gallon of ice cream or binge watched all my favorite tv shows like a normal person. But even though he was engaged, he still wanted me. And I hate admitting it, but it felt so good to be wanted that much. He told me from the beginning that his marriage was an arrangement, and so I guess that was meant to mean it's not as honorable or significant as a love marriage. I gladly took those excuses and ran with it. There were feelings between us, but I think they were purely nostalgic and routine. A couple of times, he made it sound like he wanted me to ask him to leave everything and be together. But he never asked, I assume because he knew it wouldn't work anyway. I still didn't want it. I know I was an object to him. Something to play with on the side of his meticulous reality," she sighs, and realizes, "I was and always will be an object in the rearview mirror to him - something to look back to and pretend as if there was always a different journey he could have taken to break free from the charted Huntzberger path."
"While you get railroaded by the consequences of his actions," Jess scoffs, but she knows his frustration is only with Logan as his hands gently comfort her.
"Jess, the proposal really is so insignificant to me in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't like I dreamed about being his wife. I didn't go back to him because I wanted to go after that future. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. Please tell me you know it's not because I'm harboring any secret desires or feelings. All I want is you."
The curve of his lips signifies his response, and her shoulders relax in his arms.
"I know."
He leans in and gives her a promising kiss of forgiveness. The back door opens behind them.
"Ugh, finally! I'm starving. I've been patiently waiting for the make up kiss to call you guys inside. Let's go! Luke made chicken parm and garlic bread, from scratch! God what's better than foods that are covered in cheese and garlic? Nothing, I tell you!"
"Lorelai! Jeez, no wonder Jess wants to protect Rory from you - give them some damn privacy!" Luke's voice calls out somewhere in the kitchen behind Lorelai's figure.
"I wasn't listening! I was just looking for a sign that all is well. I think Jess's tongue down my daughter's throat is a pretty good sign."
"Lorelai!" Luke and Jess both groan at the same time. She smiles wickedly in response.
"Cool! It's like unlocking a new level of a game - annoying two Danes men at once! I am a talented woman."
Rory rolls her eyes, "Yes, yes very talented mom. We'll be right in for dinner. Promise."
"You have three minutes before I feed Paul Anka your food!" she threatens before stepping back inside and closing the door behind her. Rory turns to Jess again.
"Are we okay?" she questions, eyes big and hopeful. He nods shortly.
"We're okay," he kisses her lips, then pulls away with a big smirk on his face.
"What?"
"You still have access to the Yale Daily News office?"
Her eyebrow quirks, "I doubt it. Why?"
He shrugs one shoulder, "Just curious. Those pictures gave me some impure thoughts about what I could do to you under that desk while you work. Or pretend to work."
She gasps quietly and her cheeks tint, "Jess!"
"Come on, you would love that."
She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. But she gives herself away as she tugs at her bottom lip. His smirk deepens.
"See? You're imagining it right now."
She rolls her eyes but laughs, "God, what is with us and desks?"
He throws his head back and unleashes a hearty laugh that has Rory smiling wide.
"Maybe it's some repressed high school fantasy shit. You were the dedicated school girl, and I was a punk," he winks.
"Hmmm," she mumbles in thought, "there might be something to that. I've had thoughts about sleeping with you in the backseat of a car. Preferably old and beat up like that car you had in high school."
"Well damn Gilmore," he puts his arm around her shoulders and starts walking them towards the house, "guess I'll be paying a visit to the nearest used car dealership tomorrow."
"You can't buy a car just to have sex with me in!" she whispers the last part as they approach the door. He stops and gives her an unexpected heavy look.
"You're crazy if you think I wouldn't do anything to make your dreams come true."
She withers under his powerful gaze and doting words. But in a second, his face is playful again.
"Especially the dirty ones."
"Ugh, you're such a man."
"Just how you like me, baby. Hey what about a bike? Any dirty fantasies about that?"
She quirks an eyebrow, "A bike? Like a bicycle?"
"Like a motorcycle."
"Hm. My brain can't figure out the logistics of that give you an answer."
His lips perk up on one side, "Guess we'll find out tonight."
She freezes, hand on the door handle and turns her head to him.
"What does that mean?"
"There's no gym in Stars Hollow. Not the kind I want anyway. It's pretty much just Zumba and yoga with Miss Patty and I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole," he mutters, "the closest real gym is a thirty minute drive. I wanted something more fun to ride back and forth in, no offense to your perfectly sensible car. So, I got a bike. In Spring," he shrugs, as if it's no big deal.
Rory's jaw drops, "And you're just now telling me? That's crazy, and a little scary, but also so cool!"
He grins, "You actually want to ride on it? I thought I had no hope of convincing you to get on a vehicle that has the highest mortality rate of any transportation."
She gasps, "Is that a real statistic? Is it too late to return it?"
"Rory," Jess chuckles, "It's okay. You're safe with me. I used to have one when I lived in Philadelphia. I sold it when I moved to New York because public transportation is just easier there. But now I'm going to keep this one in Stars Hollow, and we can go on nice, safe, easy rides together whenever we come to visit. I promise to always go the speed limit or under it when you're with me."
His words ease her quickly, and her heart skips a beat at that sweet image in her head of them riding into the sunset.
"I trust you. And I have been on one before - with my dad. But I need a helmet."
"Already got you one. It's pink and has cat ears," he winks and then leans in to whisper in her ear, "you know, for my sex kitten."
Her cheeks heat up and she quickly kisses his lips before pushing on the door handle.
She mutters so only he can hear: "I think I've figured out the logistics and I'm into it."
He smirks, "Attagirl."
Jess surprises Rory that night by taking them to see Hep Alien's gig. It's a meaningful enough gesture alone, and she is even more pleasantly surprised that he outwardly enjoys the evening. It's the first time they've been out that way, at a crowded bar with friends and strangers. It almost feels like a do-over of the party all those years ago. He doesn't sing along or rock out, but he does indulge Rory by watching and smiling at her every time she does. He's attentive, and showers her with small displays of affection throughout the night. Chaste kisses on her face and neck, fingers tracing her hip as she talks with Lane and the bandmates during breaks.
But it's the memory of his hand at the small of her back whenever they moved around the bar that has her feeling like her chest is going to catch on fire. It keeps her awake longer than him as she lies in bed at the end of the night still feeling the ghost of his fingers there. It's a small, tender touch that speaks a thousand words about them. It made her feel, for the first time since high school, like they are really a couple. Not just in their private bubble, but to the world as well. The best part about it was how effortless it felt. Like the space at her back between her hips and waist has always belonged to him. It's a gesture that gives her the feeling of every promise he's made and intends to keep.
She also noticed that it felt different than how he held on to her as teenagers. His public displays of affection back then sometimes felt like he wanted to send a message to Dean and anyone else about their relationship. And sometimes it felt like he wanted to take full advantage of finally having her as his girlfriend by touching as much of her as possible as often as possible. Almost desperate to hold on to her.
Now, his possessive touches feel like he's trying to keep something special safe. He's not frantically trying to grasp at unspoken bits of love and attraction. It's undemanding. He knows what they have and what it will be. His touch, while it still sets her on fire, is equally nurturing now.
She pores through all these thoughts obsessively. The jet lag surely fueling some of her sleeplessness, but mostly its thoughts of how incredible Jess was all night. They bounced back quickly from the proposal incident, and he spent the rest of the evening at her side with a hint of a smile fixed on his face at all times. She eventually falls asleep with the thought repeating in her mind that this is the relationship she wants with him, and that it might finally be possible.
And this hopeful feeling persists and ignites the rest of her week in Stars Hollow. He makes her breakfast the next morning, goes on relaxed meandering walks around town with her, reads books with her on the bridge, takes her to hang out with his sister one afternoon. He takes her out to dinner two nights in a row, then he helps Luke cook dinner for all four of them one night and even joins in on movie night.
It's been a long time since she's felt like this, like she has an actual companion. Not someone that's trying to impress or woo her, or simply appease her, but someone that actually wants to spend time with her doing things that make them both happy. He didn't always, but Jess fits into her life perfectly now. The realization hits her during movie night, all four of them comfortably crammed on the couch, Some Like It Hot playing on TV while they talk and pass around snacks and candy. She sits half on Jess's lap, Lorelai right next to them and Luke on the other end. She watches with adoration as Jess and her mom converse so easily and happily. Her heart beats so hard she's sure the whole room can feel it. And as she hears Jess joke with her mom about how Doula tells everyone that she's an honorary Gilmore girl, then catches her eye and gives her a twinkling smile, she desperately hopes that feeling is mutual.