thank you for the reviews and for reading! and thank you for your patience. all I want to do is write this story but have been so busy :(
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disclaimer: I own nothing
The party begins to wind down hours later, just after sunset. Jess watches Rory from his chair on the back porch of the Inn. She dutifully and happily hugs and says goodbye to every person leaving the affair. He sips a beer as he continues to watch her with a gentle smirk. He wonders, not for the first time, how he ended up with someone so genuinely sweet. A hand on his shoulder breaks his concentration and he turns to see Luke standing by him, and notices that he's watching his very own Gilmore girl too.
"Now that all the nosy guests are gone, how's everything between you two?" Luke grumbles out the question, his eyes not leaving Lorelai as she takes a shot of tequila with Sookie. She finishes and sticks out her tongue, then dances around and it makes both Luke and Jess chuckle.
"She going to be okay?"
"Oh yeah, this is nothing compared to Lane's wedding from what I hear."
"Okay I'm hooked. What happened at Lane's wedding?"
Luke shrugs and takes the seat next to Jess.
"A tray of tequila shots and a loose microphone."
Jess looks at him, "a tray? I can only imagine what a trashed Lorelai with a microphone leads to. Reenacting Showgirls?"
"Yeah well, normally, yes. Showgirls or Coyote Ugly."
"I knew it."
"This time though…" Luke pauses, "I was originally told that she sang and danced. But I found out later on that she gave a speech about weddings and basically how she wasn't going to be getting married to me that June. I was traveling with April, it was right after your grand opening in Philly actually. So, I missed it, and she took Christopher as her date because Mrs. Kim didn't want any single women at the wedding or something crazy like that," Luke sighs heavily, "I really screwed that all up back then. Learn from my mistakes."
Jess looks him over, but Luke's eyes are still fixed on his wife. He nudges him kindly.
"You fixed it."
Luke turns and meets his look with earnest, "Thank god. I don't know what my life would be like if I hadn't, and I don't want to know."
He nods in understanding.
"I don't think there will be any children coming out of the woodwork for me, by the way. So don't need to worry about that."
"I would have said the same thing at your age," Luke argues. Jess frowns deeply in response.
"Don't joke about that. I've always been careful."
"Again, I would have said the same thing at your age."
"Luke," Jess huffs, "you're giving me anxiety for no reason. Cut it out."
Luke lifts his hands up in surrender.
"Not to mention, I have never even had unprotected sex with another woman. I've never been as serious or invested as I am with Rory."
"Oh I didn't need to know that," Luke complains, but then with a curiosity he can't suppress he asks, "never?"
"Never," Jess nods in confirmation, and then elucidates in a soft tone, "I'm the result of an accidental and unwanted pregnancy. I've seen what it did to me and my mother. And not to mention how quickly my father ran from it."
"Jess…she wanted you. It was a shock, but she did want you."
"Whatever," Jess shrugs, "I would never take that sort of chance with someone that I wasn't ready to handle that result with. Or someone that I didn't trust would be a good parent. I wouldn't take the chance to wreck someone's life because it feels good for me, and I don't understand how other people do it so thoughtlessly."
"Uh huh. But Rory…she…you…you know."
"I'm so sure you don't want the answer to whatever question you're trying to ask."
"Don't make it gross! All I meant to ask is if that means Rory is someone you trust in that regard?"
"Of course," he doesn't miss a beat, then asks in a teasing tone, "So, did you use protection with whatshername?"
Luke grimaces and grumbles in response. Jess smirks.
"What? They didn't preach 'no glove no love' when you were in high school, Uncle Luke? Big surprise, the Stars Hollow school system let you down."
"She was on birth control," Luke mumbles, then more resolutely states, "Alright that's enough. I wasn't talking about having a long lost kid anyway. I just meant…listen to Rory and what she wants and needs from your relationship. Otherwise, you might end up on the wrong side of an ultimatum, punching her ex in the face and then learning that they got married. Then…spending what feels like forever just trying to figure out how you will ever be happy again."
Jess turns to him with a quizzical look, "What are you talking about? Lorelai marrying her ex? You punching him? I know you two split up because of the ultimatum that she gave you. Because of the crap with April and her mom. That's all you told me."
Luke blows out a heavy breath and turns his gaze from Jess to the party.
"Yeah, I know. It felt a little wrong to tell you because it's a…private matter. But I'm five beers deep and you're sort of my…closest friend, so…"
Jess barely quells his smirk, "You want to hold hands and skip while we talk about it?"
Luke grunts, "Don't be a pain in the ass."
Jess chuckles and then more sincerely says, "You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable. Or if it will make Lorelai pissed at both of us. It's kinda nice being on her good side."
Luke grins softly and shrugs.
"I'll tell you, just don't say anything to her about it. Obviously."
"My lips are sealed, Uncle," Jess intonates. Luke rolls his eyes but in mere seconds his face depicts the despondence this topic truly makes him feel.
"After she gave me an ultimatum and I said no, she…went to Christopher."
Jess surveys the side of Luke's pensive face, "and by 'went' you mean…"
"Yeah. I mean that. I found out because once I realized how much of an idiot I was, I packed up my truck and went to pick her up to elope. But when I told her that I was ready, she said she slept with Christopher. And…there was just no coming back from that at the time."
"Jesus."
Luke nods in agreement and takes a sip from his beer.
"It felt like…someone drained all of the blood from my body. I knew that I had screwed up, and pushed her away, but I didn't realize that I pushed her away so much she would turn to him for comfort."
Jess looks over at Lorelai in the yard, forcing a tired looking Rory to dance with her to The Go-Go's Lust To Love. The scene itself makes him want to grin, but in context with the information he's just received, he shivers.
"It sounds like you both were hurting deeply," he murmurs, "and I don't think you two were in a place to resolve that then without inflicting more hurt on each other."
"Yeah. I think even if she hadn't slept with him, I wasn't ready to be what she needed me to be. I was fooling myself. If we had eloped then, we would have still messed it up somehow."
They sit in silent contemplation for a few minutes, watching the girls giggle and have fun. Jess breaks this silence with a quiet question, speaking gently with the understanding that it is a sensitive issue.
"You said she married him?"
Luke takes a deep breath, settling back into his chair with a nod.
"I don't really know all the details. I called her for help when April had appendicitis because, as you know firsthand, I'm an awkward, unskilled, possibly overprotective parental figure."
"I wouldn't say unskilled."
"Well, thanks for that. Anyway, I called her for help, and she came to the hospital. She had a ring on her finger. She told me she married him. It felt like someone threw my heart into a compactor at that point, with what was going on with April and finding out the love of my life married her ex after…everything between us. Including issues with him. Like them spending time together and her not telling me, or him trying to ruin our relationship. My worst fears came to life."
"That sucks, Luke," Jess says softly, then adds, "sounds like your heart has been through the ringer."
"Exactly. I don't even know how I'm alive right now and married to this woman. I felt close to death."
Jess shrugs one shoulder, "Probably the same way I have found myself with Rory again. Resilience, stubbornness, unconditional support, and a touch of delusion."
"Just a touch?"
"Oh yeah. Danes men don't dive too deep into dream world."
Luke laughs but turns to him, "You wrote three fictional novels."
"Did I?"
"Pretty sure you did."
"Did you read them?"
"Yes."
"Huh."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Come on, tell me what I'm missing. I know I'm not a 'deep thinker', don't make me feel worse about it."
"They were fictional to a degree, but a lot of the narrative was based off real experiences. Surprised you didn't recognize them."
"Really?" Luke asks, incredulous look on his face, then his mouth forms an unexpected grin, "huh. I don't remember reading about a swan beaking you in the eye."
Jess shoots him a hostile look.
"Very funny."
"Guessing it will be in the next book? I think you could steal Swann's Way as the title if you get rid of one 'n'," Luke elbows him, "bet you didn't think I knew any old books."
Jess scoffs, "Jeez…didn't you get all your jokes out years ago? And it's called a classic, not an 'old book'."
"Apparently not," Luke teases with a self-satisfied grin, "Really Jess, I think your fans would appreciate it. I know I would enjoy some comic relief. Your work is so…gloomy."
"I do not have fans. I have readers," Jess insists, punctuating each word, "and my novels are a little funny."
"Sure, in the Shakespearean sense I suppose."
Jess smirks, "And you said you aren't a deep thinker."
"I'm not so dull that irony completely goes over my head."
"Gold star for you, Uncle Luke."
Luke shakes his head and sips his beer. They both adjust to turn their gazes back to the yard and back to their loves, watching in silent observation.
"Rory went to London for work last week," Jess states quietly, unsure yet if he wants to turn to Luke on this topic. But given the experiences he went through with Lorelai and her ex, it seems like he might be exactly the right person to talk to. His uncle turns to look at him, waiting for him to continue.
"She dropped the bomb on me the morning of her flight that she reached out to Logan to meet up. And…I handled it about as delicately as one would handle an explosion."
"You freaked out," Luke nods in understanding.
"Exactly. It turned into a whole thing. I'll spare you all the details, since you can see we basically recovered from it," Jess takes a moment before continuing, "I just…I wanted to protect her. And as hard as it is for me to admit this, I felt…insecure. It's annoying because it's ridiculous, I know I shouldn't have felt that way. I know that she would never cheat on me with him, and that after all he's done to her, there is probably no attraction there anymore. But some buried anxiety took control of me. And I really upset Rory. Not that she handled it very well either, but I accelerated the tension. I have grown a lot. You know how hard I've worked on myself. It's disappointing when moments like that still happen, where I feel my old self slip out. Especially around her."
Luke contemplates this information and admits with a sigh, "I figured something happened. Rory called Lorelai in the middle of the night last week."
Jess faces him with a frown, "She did? Fuck." He tugs at his hair.
"Relax Jess," Luke says kindly, leaning more towards him, "you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I get freaking out about something like that."
"But it's Rory. She wouldn't intentionally hurt me."
"No, she wouldn't intentionally. You're right. That doesn't mean it won't happen."
Jess takes a moment to think over his words.
"I just don't want to make her feel like…she doesn't know her own mind. I don't think that. She's so fucking smart. But she's also intrinsically kindhearted, and she sometimes leads with that. And it's not a bad thing, I'm not saying that either. It's…I don't know. I don't know. I love her, Luke. I want to keep her from getting hurt."
"Jess…the issue isn't either of you in this situation. It's Logan."
Jess slowly turns to him with a questioning look, willing him to elaborate.
"Would you be worried if she said she was traveling to wherever the hell Dean lives now for work and wanted to meet up with him?"
The thought actually makes the side of his mouth perk up, "Probably not. I think I would have fun with that."
"Like I said, it's Logan. And for me it was Christopher. It's the history, and it's the men," he tries to explain, he moves his hands around, trying to say his next words, "Lorelai told me how Rory actually ended up…pregnant."
"Why do you still struggle to put those words together?"
Luke huffs, "give me a break! I've known Rory since she was young enough to still believe in fairies."
Jess smiles at that image of her before asking, "she gave you the details?"
"Yes. And I would love to get my hands around the neck of that pathetic excuse of a man. He's despicable," Luke grumbles then turns to Jess again, "but that's my point. Logan is going to be a looming figure in Rory's life, and therefore, your life, for a while. Because of what he's done to her, and because of how that still affects her. But Jess, it will get better with time, that I can tell you from experience. Neither of you need to be hard on yourselves for your argument or whatever happened. Because the crux of it is that you both care deeply. You know what I mean? You were upset because you care, and she was probably nervous to tell you because she cares."
"I get it, I do. I don't know if that makes it any easier, but I do get it. It wasn't so hard when I was helping her get through everything, when he was just a loser in her past. It's just…something about him, and Rory wanting to be friends with him just makes me feel…"
"Inferior? Protective? Angry?"
He sighs, "All of the above."
"Listen," Luke sighs, "Lorelai and Rory are very independent, because they have had to be to survive, and I'm sure you agree that sometimes that can make us feel…irrelevant. But, I think in relationships they look for someone to depend on, to relax around, so it's not all on them. Chris and Logan gave them that financially. But not in any other way, from what I have seen and heard. You and me…Jess, we might be missing the money part, but we can more than meet them halfway in that aspect. And give them everything else they need too. So don't ever feel inferior. You're not, at all."
Jess takes a deep breath and shoots Luke a small smile of gratitude, knowing nothing else needs to be said about that. Because Luke is right; he can more than give Rory everything she wants and needs; it's exactly what he has worked for and wanted for a long time.
"Speaking of Christopher," Jess mumbles sometime later, "was he invited to this? Or is that too weird for you guys?"
Luke inhales, leaning back in his chair. He looks over at Rory, who is now dancing with Lane, and then away.
"Lorelai invited him. It is still weird for us, but you know we would do anything for her. He is technically her father, and she deserves to have her father around for these things. He said he would try to make it but clearly.." Luke gestures to the yard that lacks his presence, "I don't think she plans to mention that to her, so please don't say anything."
Jess frowns and shakes his head.
"He's a moron."
"I agree completely," Luke confirms, "all the years I've known Rory, I don't remember him ever making a birthday party of hers. Can you imagine missing out on your child's life like that? Especially a kid like her. He missed out big time."
Jess listens to Luke's words, the conversation they just had still on his mind, and suddenly the note from Rory is burning a hole in his back pocket. He stands up and motions to the Inn.
"I'm going to go see if they have any more of this inside," he points to his beer, "Want anything?"
Luke shakes his head, "I'm good, thanks. Try not to run into Sookie unless you want to taste every kind of cake she almost made for Rory."
Jess nods and walks into the inn. He walks around people and rooms, ignoring any hellos that are thrown his way, until he finds what he assumes is Lorelai's office. He steps inside and quietly closes the door. He takes a seat at her desk, smiling at the pictures of Rory she has spread around the room. Slowly he takes the note from his pocket and opens it up.
Her words absorb him, feelings of relief, longing, and pride rush through him. Relief that she recognizes she owes Logan nothing and doesn't need to feel any obligation to help him grow. That she doesn't feel the need to be his friend anymore. And relief that before he even gave her the chapter notes that he's been holding onto, it's clear that they would have worked through this problem no matter what. He was prepared to fight as hard as he needed to, for as long as he needed to, to earn her love back. But it's not necessary, and that makes his heart flutter. He was nervous when she called him crying and dropped an 'I love you' before hanging up, but not because he didn't think she meant it. Because she sounded broken and defeated, and he just knew Logan fucked up. It was hard being so far from her, not being able to physically be there for her, and being in a weird space where he wasn't sure if he should call her or not. But that's what sparked him to finish editing the chapter notes, so he could show her the depths of his feelings before she came home.
He feels a bittersweet longing for the visuals her words paint, what could have been and what was taken away from them. But also, yes, relief that they don't have to face the sure failure of Logan as a father. Reading this after his conversation with Luke, he can see more clearly the benefits of not being tied to someone like him. He understands completely her hesitance to simplify her miscarriage and everything else with a passive 'everything happens for a reason'; it was difficult and dark what she went through, and he would never dream of pretending otherwise. But, again, their lives will probably be so much easier without having to navigate the terrain of Logan as the biological father of their child.
He does feel massive regret reading that his words did indeed hurt her. That he made her feel like he doesn't see her as the fiercely strong, intelligent person that she is. It wasn't his intention at all, and he has spent the last year trying to help her see that ability in herself. He hopes that this, along with the words he gave her recently, are enough to make her understand he never would think that about her. Like Luke said, it was Logan that was the problem, and it was his overbearing presence and historical lack of respect for boundaries that concerned him.
Thankfully, there's a happy, buzzing longing in his chest too - at what their future might look like one day. And above all, he feels incredibly proud of her. She followed her heart and her gut, trying to find this closure she wanted. And even though it didn't go as planned, she has gracefully accepted this different sort of outcome she came upon. He is proud and overwhelmingly gratified to see that she recognizes her own strength and how far she has come. It's powerful and beautiful, because he remembers just under a year ago when Rory thought she couldn't handle anything. She has finally arrived at a more accurate self-evaluation, one that he has seen in her this whole time, and the feeling of love for her is so strong it makes his eyes mist.
When he gets to her final words, he takes a shuddering breath. And at the same time, he hears the door click open. He looks up and Rory stands against the doorframe. The gold crown still on her head and feather boa around pearly neck, small pink feathers cling to her blue dress where they have fallen loose. She has a timid smile on her face, and a pink tint in her cheeks from drinking wine and tequila shots.
"Hi," she greets him almost cautiously, taking in the wrinkled piece of paper he's holding tight to between his hands. His face lifts at her voice, at the post celebration glow emanating from her.
"Hi, pretty princess."
Rory blushes but grins, "One of the many titles appointed to me tonight. Pretty princess, Reigning Lorelai, Queen, Duchess, Countess, Empress, regular princess, and let's not forget, Killer Queen as per my entrance music."
Jess smirks and places the paper down on the desk. He leans back in the chair and looks her up and down.
"I think they all suit you well," he runs a hand down his jaw and adds, "though I'm partial to pretty princess."
They wear matching smiles, eyes locked together in a trance. Without breaking this eye contact, he rolls the chair back slightly and pats his lap.
"Come here. Or is a lady of your royal rank not allowed to do that sort of thing?"
"This lady does whatever she wants," Rory states haughtily, with a teasing smile as she steps closer to him.
"I see you've taken monarchical notes from Cleopatra," he quips, and moves his legs together as Rory carefully straddles him. Knees bent between him and the arms of the chair, she sits back into his lap and smiles at him. Her look and her position, along with the memory of the words he just read, sends his chest into a mad frenzy. He places his hands on her cheeks and then runs them down the length of her arms over and over, calming himself through the touch of her skin.
"The crown suits you better than that hat," Jess teases, tilting his head toward a picture of Rory and her grandfather in golf gear. A gentle smile tugs at her lips.
"I like that hat."
"Oh, I do too. It's cute. But the crown is a better fit."
He rests a heavy hand on her thigh and asks, "Why didn't you tell me you shared my books with your grandfather?"
She looks again at the picture of Richard and shrugs slightly.
"We didn't talk much then, you and me. We were kinda just…family."
Jess makes a face.
"Please don't say that."
"Sorry…we were like distant friends. Better?"
Jess gives her a satisfied nod.
"Anyway, we didn't really communicate directly, even the books you gave me you gave them to me through Luke. Besides the first one, of course…"
They share a nostalgic look at the memory of him, giving her his first novel with an air of purpose and contentment; and her, while proud of him, feeling lost and hopeless in the bedroom of her grandparent's overbearing home.
He snaps them out of this recollection with his response.
"Well, you were very Carmen Sandiego at the time if you remember. Wasn't easy to send you stuff. And I…was nervous about being too pushy. I didn't want you to think I was trying to romance you through books and long distance phone calls."
Rory's face softens and she says with yearning, "I wish you would have."
He shakes his head and gives her a gentle look.
"It doesn't matter, Rory. We're here now."
She smiles for a second before leaning in and hugging him around the neck. He kisses her shoulder.
"You're right," she mumbles, "I was very Carmen Sandiego then, without the crime of course. And I loved it. Most of the time."
She feels his lips curve into a smile against her skin.
"I did check the campaign trail schedule every now and then," Jess admits in a whisper. She leans back, adoring look in her eyes.
"You did? You thought about me?"
"Of course," he says, like it's the most ridiculous suggestion that he wouldn't, "and sometimes I would look up to see where Obama was, and then picture you there in my mind. Furiously taking notes, exploring a little bit, then going back to your hotel room at night and ordering the most highly reviewed take out in town while you write your articles."
Rory holds a hand to her heart at his words. He leans forward and places a sweet kiss on her arm.
"It was fun, thinking about you like that. Out in the world and living a piece of your dream. It brought me comfort in moments where I really needed it. Like if I thought too hard about mistakes I made with you, mistakes I made in general in the past. I would think, at least Rory is doing what she was made to do. Even if it's without me by her side or in her life."
"Jess…I thought about you too."
He gives her a tender smile.
"Except I didn't really have a way to picture you, or what you were doing. When I did, I just always imagined you writing in a small apartment. Your hair all sticking up from you running your hands through it to help you think. Empty coffee mugs all around you, napkins and ripped up paper with bits and pieces of ideas that came to you while out in the world. Losing track of time and accidentally staying up all night, and then being late to work."
Jess chuckles warmly, "That only happened a few times. But everything else…you're pretty much right."
"What else did you do with your life while we were apart?"
His eyes lock with hers, "what do you mean?"
"You know all about my past. In detail. Excruciating detail, actually. I…don't know hardly anything about yours between Truncheon opening and, well, a year ago."
His face turns serious, he fixes her with a troubled look.
"Does that bother you, Rory? You've never asked."
"I wouldn't say it bothers me…but I am interested to know what your life looked like besides writing and working. I'm sure that's not all you did."
"Honestly, that's mostly what I did. Worked, wrote, edited, hung out with the guys sometimes. On rare occasions I would hang out with women…" he treads carefully, "Is that something you wanted to know about? I can't tell if that's what you're looking for."
She gulps down her reluctance and nods, "Kind of. Not in detail, please. But I do want to know. I mean, I can easily tell you haven't been alone all these years. You've had practice."
She blushes and it makes him release a short laugh.
"Don't get in your head about that, Ror. Whatever you imagine is nothing to me compared to what we do. Trust me, I have never had a physical or emotional connection with someone else that is worth mentioning. You and me are…in another galaxy compared to others."
That makes her smile, and she nods for him to go on.
"I dated here and there. When I said 'nothing permanent' before, I meant it. I didn't get into any serious relationships. I went on dates and…had physical relationships with women when it felt right. But that's it. There are no names worth mentioning, no memories worth bringing up. I was really focused on my work and growing the business. You know me, Rory. I'm not the kind of person that needs to be with someone. I don't mind being alone. Unless the other option is being with you. I will always choose that."
The sides of her mouth lift high for just a moment.
"You're not just saying that to make me feel good, right? Because I don't know if you know this, but you are very good at…pleasing a lady. Which makes me think you have a lot of experience."
He bites down a smirk.
"If this lady thinks I'm good at pleasing her," he squeezes her arms, "she should know it has nothing to do with experience. I'll ask you again, because I didn't really get a coherent answer out of you last time, do you remember what I said to you to the first time we had sex?"
Her cheeks burn at the memories, of the first time and also the other time he is referring to.
"You want to make me feel good in every way. And I said the same to you, if you remember."
He gives a big nod, accompanied by one of his tantalizing half smirks.
"I remember, and you've succeeded," he winks, "I take making you feel good very seriously. It's not because I've been doing research or whatever your beautiful, crazy brain is thinking. It has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with anyone else."
She smiles coyly, "Well, it does have to do with you and all the things you do to me."
"Fine," he chuckles, "it has to do with you and me. But that's it."
They share a loving smile and sit together peacefully for a moment. But then Rory frowns, and asks, "Does it bother you that I have other serious relationships in my past?"
He thinks for a moment and shrugs, "Not really. It would bother me more if you had casual flings. Not in a double standard type of way, just because I know that's not you."
She bites her lip before admitting, "I did try it. But didn't like it."
He rubs a rough thumb on her arm, "No. You're something to be cherished. Not shared or tossed to the side until you're thought of or craved again," he kisses her hand and holds her eye contact as he says, "I will cherish and crave you as ceaselessly as the heart pumps blood."
Rory blushes but gives him a look as she recognizes the words, "Isn't that in one of your books?"
He smiles wide.
"Maybe."
She retreats into her thoughts for a moment, looking over his face.
"In the book, the person it's said to says she's afraid. That he scares her."
He frowns slightly, "She does."
"I'm not afraid of your words," she promises him, sounding quiet and fragile, but loaded with meaning. His eyes betray relief.
"Good. I'm not afraid of yours either."
Her mouth feels thick all of the sudden, like she's trying to swallow the weight of their conversation. Not quite ready to delve into that discussion yet, she takes a breath and then turns to the photo of her and Richard again.
"My grandfather wasn't afraid either," she remarks with a smirk to lighten the mood. Jess releases a mix of a breath and a laugh.
"He liked my writing?"
"He did. This will make you feel good," lost in a memory, she recounts, "once when we spoke on the phone about your writing, he described you as a "better edited but equally refined Hemmingway". I assured him your creative process is not dependent on booze, and we agreed that probably makes a big difference."
Rory's wistful smile makes Jess's chest stir, with appreciation for her and with pain for her loss.
"That's probably the first and last time anyone will ever describe me as 'refined'," he jokes, and it gets Rory to break out of her spell and laugh out loud. He smiles and runs his hand up her thigh in comforting strokes.
"But I bet it's not the first time you've been compared to Hemmingway."
"I hope you don't see a resemblance. I know how you feel about the man and his work."
Rory giggles, "I do see a resemblance, but your stories actually have a plot while still maintaining their abstractness. Your books are so interesting. And don't worry, my grandfather loved Ernest, just like you. So, his words were totally complimentary."
"Thank you," he grips her hand, "I'm touched that you would share that with him. I understand the significance, and I genuinely appreciate it."
"Of course, Jess. I love your writing, you know that. And my grandfather and I always shared our favorite books with each other. I've always been proud of you and your work, no matter what our relationship was or wasn't."
He grins and lifts her hand to his mouth for a kiss.
"I know. You're my cheerleader. And one of my biggest inspirations, too."
She smiles but it weakens into a tired frown. They both slowly come back to the present, to the note on the desk and the birthday party and everything else.
Jess places a careful hand on Rory's cheek and turns her gaze towards him. He gives her a serious look that is full of care and protection.
"How are you?"
Her smile strengthens again, and her eyes roam around the room before she responds. They both think about the scene she wrote about in her note, it's clear as their hazy gazes meet.
"I feel…really great right now. I'm happy. I feel loved. I'm exhausted, but overall…I'm good, Jess."
He squeezes her arm, "You're incredibly loved, Rory."
Her smile drops slightly, "I know, I feel loved by everyone here today. But my dad…it doesn't usually bother me, and I don't really ask anymore, but after everything with Logan, it was on my mind. You know he hasn't even called to ask about my job or travels or anything? He knows I interviewed for the New York Times because I spoke to him on Christmas and told him I had an interview scheduled. He never followed up. Isn't that weird?"
"Weird isn't the word I would use for it," Jess scoffs, and then gives her a sympathetic look, "I'm sorry. You deserve better."
She smiles slightly and half shrugs.
"I'm so grateful to have Luke. He's more than filled that empty space in my life. But it would be nice to feel cared about by my own father, instead of feeling like an afterthought."
Jess nods kindly, then leans in to kiss her lips softly.
"I know. Nothing can really replace that. No offense, but he's an idiot, Rory. Any person that wastes the opportunity to know you, and in his case he could have known you from day one, is a dumbass," he squeezes her arms to emphasize his point, "sorry, I know you love him despite everything. But there has to be something really wrong with him to not see how lucky he is to have you as a daughter."
She smiles, but it's one of those that are full of emotion, wobbly and weird, and quickly turns into a frown. Jess melts as he sees her eyes are wet.
"Oh, baby," he mumbles as he holds her head softly to his chest, "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you. Just want you to know how special you are. That he's the problem, not you."
"Thank you," she chokes out," I'm okay, I swear. It's just been…a long day. A long few days. Actually, it's been a really long freaking week. All the emotions are hitting me at once. So many ups and downs. Mostly I can't stop thinking about all the things you shared with me in the margins of your chapter. You really let me in, Jess, and it feels amazing. My heart is so happy, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to get to be the recipient of your seriously beautiful words. But my head is throbbing and achy, I can feel my heart beating everywhere. My limbs are like Jello. I think my body wants nothing but darkness and rest for the foreseeable future."
He listens to her patiently, smiling at her reaction to his words. And all he wants is to share his reaction to her words with her. But instead, he smooths her hair and kisses her forehead and asks, "Do you want to go to bed?"
"I don't know. I'm so tired. But I want to talk about the note and the chapter and you and me and everything."
"You should go to sleep, Ror. I know you didn't sleep on the plane, and if you were feeling anything like me this week - I'm sure you haven't been sleeping too well at night. We can talk about the note and anything else you want tomorrow."
She sniffs and pulls her head back to look in his eyes. Her makeup has thinned out, and he can see the faint outline of dark circles under her lower lashes. He takes his thumbs and soothingly rubs them there.
"Are you sure? I don't want to make you wait. And I'm a little anxious about it."
"We have all the time in the world, Rory. And you have nothing to feel anxious about, your letter was brilliant."
She warms at that, "brilliant?"
"Brilliant. Let's talk about it tomorrow. The pretty princess needs her sleep," he teases, kissing her once more on the head before they both stand up. He takes her hand and pulls her flush to his body.
"By the way, you're right. This is a great space for private moments," he says softly before capturing her mouth in a heated kiss, "we'll have to remember that for the future."
She grins up at him before turning towards the door. He puts his arm around her shoulders, and they walk out towards the lobby together. To Rory's surprise, he walks her to the front desk where Michel and another employee stand talking.
"Michel, can I get our room key please? Lorelai should have left it here for me," Jess asks. Michel sneers and looks at him discerningly.
"I'm not working, I happen to be talking to a friend."
"My mistake. You see, you happen to be standing behind the front desk."
Rory gently pinches Jess's arm to discourage him from any more smart comments.
Michel bristles, "I was here for the party. I have known this girl for years, much longer than you. So, no, I cannot fetch your room keys for you while I am off the clock and celebrating my favorite Lorelai."
Rory stifles a laugh then, and Jess sighs and turns to the other employee, a young man that has a big hospitable smile on his face - the visual opposite of Michel.
"Hi, name is Jess Mariano. Lorelai should have left a room key up here for me."
He nods and opens a drawer, "Yes sir, Mr. Mariano. Here are your keys to the cottage."
Michel gasps, "The cottage? Lorelai never let me and my husband stay there! And you two are not even married. She would let you, a hoodlum, stay in a room with beautiful, expensive antique furniture, decorations, and glassware. Yet, I can't even get the honeymoon suite upstairs. That woman drives me mad!"
Jess raises his eyebrow and looks at Rory, who is trying hard not to giggle.
"Michel, I think you're forgetting an important part of the equation here. Rory is her daughter. And I'm dating Rory. I'm sure that was the greatest influence of my request."
"I see, so because I'm married to a man I do not get the same privileges as you two? Oh, I am taking her to court."
"Oh, Michel. Don't worry I'll put it in a good word for you. You know she'll do anything for me," Rory offers with a smile. He relaxes and looks at her curiously.
"You'll use the big sad puppy eyes and everything?"
"Oh, yes. I'll whip out all of the manipulative techniques for you. Promise."
"Well, if you say so. I suppose I will give her another chance before suing her."
"Thank you, we appreciate that," Rory nods in gratitude. She feels Jess tug on her hand.
"I bet this isn't even the wackiest conversation that's been had here tonight," Jess mumbles, leading Rory in the direction of their room.
"I'll be counting the towels and checking all the cabinets when you leave! You may be able to fool Lorelai, but you won't get your tricks past me," Michel calls after them. Jess rolls his eyes and keeps pulling Rory along, who is now giggling manically.
"I love this place."
"I'm sure the lack of sleep is contributing to that fuzzy feeling."
"Nope, I love it all the time."
"Then you're a kook too."
"But you love me anyway."
"I sure do," he squeezes her shoulder.
"Hey, you guys are heading to bed already?" Lorelai asks them as they step out onto the back porch. Then she smirks "Oh nevermind, I'm sure you won't be doing much sleeping."
Rory goes to protest but instead a huge yawn comes out and she slumps into Jess more.
"There will only be sleeping, actually," he confirms, gripping onto Rory more tightly. Lorelai smiles softly.
"Aw, the empress is all tuckered out. That means I threw a great party, huh?"
"The best!" Rory mumbles, throwing a hand in the air enthusiastically, "I wish I could hang for more of it. Sorry mom."
"You should be, it's not like you've been dealing with an energy sucking ex-boyfriend, living out of a suitcase in another country, reporting on depressing news matters, traveling between time zones or reconciling with your lover!"
Rory makes a face and Lorelai winks.
"When she puts it like that, I feel like a failure for not having you tucked into bed already," Jess smirks.
"Okay, I'm ready," Rory sighs, then opens her arms up to Lorelai, "Mom, thank you for an amazing party. I'm so lucky to have you. I love you so much."
"I love you so much too, sweets. I would throw you a party every day if I had the time, money and willpower."
Rory laughs, "Not just the party. Thank you for everything."
Lorelai pulls away from her and smiles as she smooths some messy hair out of Rory's face.
"Hey," she places a hand on Rory's shoulder and looks between her and Jess, "we got a lot of pictures tonight, but I don't think we got any with all four of us. Let me grab Luke."
She walks away and Jess turns to Rory. He places soft fingers on her neck.
"You want the hickey in or out of the picture?"
Rory turns sharply and glares at him, but she can't quell her cheeky smile.
"Mom made sure to cover it with the feather boa. You left a deep mark!"
"Just a little love bite," he winks at her and places a quick kiss on her head as Luke and Lorelai join them.
"Okay, Kirk is right behind us with his camera! And my phone because I don't trust him not to lose the photo," Lorelai jokes, "me and Rory in the middle please!"
She stands next to Rory and puts an arm around her shoulder. She leans in and whispers,
"You want the hickey in the picture? Could be a fun little easter egg."
Rory gasps, "Oh my god, I just realized that you and Jess are so much alike!"
"No chance!" Lorelai and Jess exclaim at the same time, earning them funny looks from both Luke and Rory. Jess and Lorelai close their mouths and scrutinize each other. Finally, Lorelai ponders, "Huh. Isn't the gross cliche that you're supposed to date someone like your father? Not your mother?"
Jess's face sours, "Don't compare me to him. As insane as it sounds, I would rather be like you Lorelai."
"Thank you. I think."
"Hey, faces over here for the camera!" Kirk's voice cuts in.
"Everyone say 'I'm a pretty princess'!" Lorelai enthuses with a wide smile. The rest of the group laughs and grumbles as Kirk takes multiple pictures.
"Alright, there's gotta be a winner in there somewhere," Kirk states as he hands Lorelai's phone back to her.
"What's that supposed to mean? Gilmores are very photogenic."
"Most days, I would agree with you. But today you can see dark circles under Rory's eyes, you look flushed from all those tequila shots. And of course, Luke and Jess look grumpy as usual," Kirk argues, flipping through the pictures. Lorelai gawks.
"Rude! I do not look flushed, and I only had three shots of tequila total. This is not a repeat of Lane's wedding if that is what you are insinuating Kirk!"
"No, if it were a repeat of Lane's wedding, there would have been yummy bartenders here. Your bartenders were," he makes a face, "eh, I would say palatable at best."
Lorelai gapes, "Hey! Don't talk about my staff that way! My employees are very yummy. And I mean that in the most non-sexual harassment way, if anyone from HR happens to be listening…"
Jess fixes Kirk with a serious look and scolds, "Kirk, are you really going to be mean to the only two people in Stars Hollow that are nice to you no matter what stupid thing you do?"
"I'm just being honest! It might be in everyone's best interest to retake these in the morning, when you're all fresh and pretty."
"Get out of here, Dirk," Luke orders.
"What did you call me?! That's not my name, Luke! You can't trick me anymore."
"Bye Dirk!" Lorelai sing songs with a fake smile and adamant wave. He huffs and hands Lorelai her phone before walking away.
"Do I have dark circles under my eyes? Do I look like a raccoon?" Rory asks, patting her eyes with her fingertips.
"Aw, no you don't look like a raccoon babe," Lorelai shakes her head with a smile and then adds, "more like a panda, they're much cuter. Go get some sleep, honey. I'll see you in the morning."
Rory pouts and nods, "okay goodnight. Wait, are you guys staying here too?"
Luke and Lorelai share a secret smirk, "I may have reserved the honeymoon suite."
"Seems like you two are the ones that won't be getting any sleep tonight," Jess mumbles.
"Gross," Rory whines and Lorelai cackles.
"Come on, let's get you to bed," Jess kisses the side of her head and leads her with an arm around her shoulders again. They all say another quick goodbye before parting.
"Want me to carry you, your majesty?" Jess mumbles against Rory's ear as she stumbles beside him towards the bungalow. She shakes her head and yawns, but he stops and swiftly lifts her up, throwing her over his shoulder with ease. She yelps in surprise.
"Jess! What exactly do you do at the gym?!"
"Lift things much heavier than you."
"Really?" Rory contemplates, "Well then, I think I like the gym. For you."
He laughs and turns his head to kiss where her hip sits against his shoulder as they reach the cottage. He sets her down and opens the door for her.
"Welcome back to the love shack."
"Oh no, I voted against that name," she argues as she plops down on the bed, "it's gross."
"You still think our love is gross? Unbelievable."
She rolls her eyes and falls back against the pillows.
"Don't put words in my mouth."
Jess steps up next to the bed with a smirk, "is there anything you do want me to put in your mouth?"
Her eyes widen up at him, her mouth opens slightly in surprise. He laughs.
"I'm joking, you need to sleep," he pats her on the arm and winks, "just fun to mess with you."
Rory nods and settles back against the bed. A subtle blush creeps up her neck as she says, "maybe tomorrow though."
His smirk grows into a grin. He leans down and kisses her on the head.
"I'm going to run to the car for our stuff. I'll be right back."
Rory hums her acknowledgement in a way that has Jess convinced she will be asleep by the time he is back. And he's proven correct when he returns with their bags five minutes later. He smiles softly at her slumbering form, her arms lazily crossed over her chest and mouth parted. His smile morphs into a grimace as he realizes she fell asleep with the boa around her neck, shoes and dress still on. He places their bags down and quietly rummages through his things until he finds a t-shirt. Stepping back to the bed, he gently nudges Rory's leg until she mumbles a 'what'.
"Ror, I'm going to change you into one of my shirts. You don't want to sleep in your pretty new dress do you?"
"Nuh uh, save my dress."
He chuckles and kneels next to her,
"And I'm taking that feather boa off, so you don't choke."
"Okay," she grumbles and flops her arms until they are spread across the bed. Jess laughs but goes to work carefully removing the death trap from her neck, and then pulling her dress up her body and over her head. He quickly places it on a hanger in the closet with care and works on her shoes next. He looks at the confusing maze of straps that wrap around her ankle and to the middle of her calf. He turns her foot around in his hands, looking for answers.
"Jesus, what are these? How did you get them on yourself?"
Rory giggles sleepily, "They're strappy heels. You can just pull them off, it's fine."
"Isn't that going to hurt?" he asks, confusion all over his features as he fumbles with the evasive brown leather pieces.
"It's all a part of fashion."
"That's horrible," he grunts as he pulls at the block heels to get them off, "I love your feet. Why would you do this to them?"
She giggles again, "you love my feet? That's so cute."
"Seriously, what about shoes without heels and straps? Flat ones that don't hurt. They would have gone with this dress I'm sure," he asks, soothing her now bare feet with his hands. He kisses the top of each of one.
"I've got news for you, most flats are painful too."
"Jeez," he massages his hands up her calf, "you've got red marks all over your skin from those things. Your poor legs."
"Mmmm 'it's just a flesh wound'," she mumbles. He laughs and kisses her ankle before moving back up her body.
"Do you want me to take your bra off? I imagine it's uncomfortable to sleep in, though I admit I've never tried."
Rory nods without opening her eyes, "Yes, please."
He helps her turn to her side and unclasps her bra, again helping her to her back and taking it off.
"Purple is a lovely choice of bra color, in my opinion," he teases, placing it on the floor, "and I see it matches your underwear."
"Thought I might get lucky again tonight. But too sleepy."
"There's always tomorrow," he replies, as he pulls her into a sitting position to put his t-shirt on her, "there you go, baby. You can go back to sleep now, more comfortably and with no threat to your life."
She thrums as he pulls at the blankets underneath her and brings them over her relaxed body.
"Would you change anything?" Rory mumbles as he kisses her on the head. The question catches him off guard.
"What?"
"The way things happened. The apartment and stuff."
His face turns pensive, eyes wandering over her dozy disposition, but he doesn't respond. She opens one eye halfway and lazily brushes her fingers on his forearm that is resting on the mattress near her. He clears his throat and rumbles out a response.
"You want me to answer that now? While you're half asleep and won't remember?"
"Mhmmm."
"Okay," he places his hand on tops of hers, "I don't regret not waiting to show you the apartment or not waiting to officially make you my girlfriend."
She smiles contentedly, and her hand relaxes completely underneath his. He swallows and continues, despite her clearly being on the brink of unconsciousness.
"I only regret waiting to tell you I love you. It shouldn't have happened that way, in a scenario where I had to tell you because I couldn't live with the distance between us, both literally and figuratively, without you knowing that my love for you eclipses all of that."
Her head moves sluggishly against the pillow, her breaths become gentler.
"I…think I was secretly scared. Love was not an easy thing for me for a long time. You know enough about my upbringing, and love, or even care, wasn't a big part of it. It was something I didn't really think I needed or wanted to feel. I didn't even really understand it until you. And love between us hasn't been easy either. We are still at the beginning of what I hope is the rest of our lives together. Putting a name to what's in my heart when I look at you felt a little…intimidating. Even after everything else I shared with you. But it is love, and god, do I feel it so intensely for you."
The low thrumming of his voice effectively puts her back to sleep within his first few sentences. He doesn't mind; it's enough of a relief to get his contemplative thoughts out. He surveys her peaceful face, moving stray pieces of hair out of it. Admiring every curve and contour of her sleepy features. And he feels compelled to fill her dreams with one more truth.
"And Rory."
She blinks her eyes open briefly, unfocused but looking towards him.
"Of course I want you as you are. You're everything to me."
PS next chapter will definitely be the last in this time period. i am so excited for the rest of this journey you guys :)