thank you sooo much for reading/reviewing! love you all and really wanted to get this to you sooner but i have been all out of sorts, sorry!
so, I purposely set the last chapter up in a way that I could still decide on taking the short or long route to my one shot. I am taking the longer route, which I'm sure surprises absolutely no one. I wanted to explore some Jess focused stuff, including this chapter.
enjoy xoxo
disclaimer: I own nothing.
Her first visit lasts three and a half weeks. And while there was plenty of chaos, she was safe from it. She made sure to let Jess know she was okay at least once a day. Jess, however, still struggled at home thinking about her. He didn't sleep much more than four or five hours a night until she was safely back in his arms. It was hard, and that just made him constantly think about how much harder it could get through the rest of the year.
The despair caused him to start a dedicated journal of thoughts to this specific turmoil. Similarly to when he started writing after that day at Yale, and subsequently eventually had his first book complete. He doesn't know if this one will become anything of that nature, if he will even want to revisit it to turn it into anything in the future. But it's at the very least given him routine. He gets up, takes care of their cat, goes to work, goes to the gym, eats dinner at home and then writes. It's kept him busy, because he hasn't had much else to distract him. The book of short stories about fathers that he wrote will be ready to hit shelves in June, and he has a secret, if not a little bitter, desire to release it on Father's Day. But he simultaneously has a private concern that this would bite him in the ass one day karmically - whenever he becomes a father. Although it's a topic they haven't discussed in a while, he knows they both still want a family. And that knowledge puts even more pressure on Rory's work situation. Because there are plenty of horrible things that can happen besides the ultimate horrible thing, of course.
When she returns home after those three and a half weeks in April, he clings to her harder than usual, he hangs on to her every word even more intently than before. Because he knows she will be leaving again soon. He tries not to let her see, because of that conversation they had in bed the night before she left last time. He isn't sure if he's successful at that or not.
He is currently walking the streets of Stars Hollow with her, clasping her hand tightly in his. She wanted to visit before leaving again, which is scheduled to happen in a couple weeks at the beginning of May. It's just the two of them at the moment, and they're on their way to Stars Hollow High to surprise Doula at the end of her school day.
"I can't believe Luke updated his menus with the article that I won that award for."
Jess smirks, "I can."
"But it's about food insecurity!" she argues, "Doesn't that seem kind of wrong to you? To put an article like that on the back of a food menu in a town where the biggest issue is preparing for the next made up holiday festival?!"
"Hey, this is your hometown. Don't ask me to explain its peculiarities."
"He's your Uncle!"
Jess shoots her a look, "you've spent much more time with him in your life than I have."
She thinks about that for a moment and then smiles softly.
"That's true. Is that weird for you?"
He shakes his head in disagreement, "Not at all. You're…a special person. You deserve to have a special relationship with him."
She frowns, "you're special, Jess."
"I know, that's why they kicked me out of high school."
"Not like that!" she exasperates, "And you and Luke do have a special relationship. That is very clear from the stories you wrote in your book about him. By the way, did you pick a release date yet?"
Jess sighs and leans against the wall as they step up to Stars Hollow High, "God, this place brings back horrible memories."
"Excuse me Mr. Evasive, but I do believe I asked you a question," Rory prods, stepping in front of him with her arms crossed. He grins at her disposition, and not wanting to be physically apart for too long, he pulls her close to him.
"No. I can't decide if it's brilliant or evil to release it on Father's day."
"Well, that is hard. Because it's brilliant for Luke…but a little mean to the other father figures."
"I should do it, right? If anything, it will be funny to see if I get negative press about it."
Her lips quirk, "they do say there's no such thing as bad press."
"You would know, industry queen," he winks at her, and suddenly they hear the school bell go off signaling the end of the day. Swarms of high school students start to flow from the door. Jess leads Rory over to stand against a tree so they can see the entrance better. He looks up at its branches and down at its trunk.
"You know, I used to like reading under this tree. Especially when I was supposed to be in class."
Rory looks at the tree and smiles wide, "really? I used to love reading under this tree too! In fact, this is where Dean said he noticed me for the first time. Fully engrossed in Moby Dick. He found it fascinating that I was unbothered by the world around me."
He smirks, "I guess Dean and I have that in common. I was very attracted to your studiousness as well. Still am."
She blushes lightly, "the difference is that you can be just as studious as me, when it comes to reading."
"That's true," he says softly, "one of my favorite ways to spend time with you is when we're each in our own world, reading a book, yet right there next to each other. Just a touch away."
Rory's whole body melts at his words, and she leans in to kiss him deeply.
"Hey! No making out on school property," comes a stern voice. They break apart and Jess grins wide when he sees who it is.
"Principal Merton."
The man looks them over, "Oh. You're adults. Well…please don't make out on school grounds, anyway. You should be setting a better example."
"Do you remember me?" Jess asks, turning to him, "Mariano."
He frowns.
"Of course I remember you. How could I forget someone as much of a hassle as you? You and your mischief. Are you ready to own up to the baseball prank yet?"
"Oh, now don't make me nostalgic, Principal. You might inspire some new ideas. I do have a little sister that goes here now, you know."
He stands up straight, "Tell me that isn't true. Who?"
Jess smirks, "I think I'll keep that a secret. Keep you on your toes."
The principal walks away muttering under his breath, and Rory breaks into fits of giggles.
"You're going to make his head explode."
"Been trying for over twenty years. It's harder than I thought," he sighs and looks amongst the crowds of high school students for his sister. Rory nudges him on the arm and points to her just walking out of the building. A genuine smile crosses his face that doesn't go unnoticed by Rory.
"You missed her. When's the last time you saw her?"
He shrugs, "last time you and I came here. So, February, I guess."
"You didn't visit her while I was gone? I assumed you would since you weren't busy with me in your free time."
His eyes shoot over at her and then back to his sister, who is walking alone and staring at the ground.
"I…didn't sleep much while you were gone. I wasn't really in a good mental place for company."
He feels Rory's eyes glued on him, "Jess…"
Wanting to change the subject, he shouts his sister's name at her. She stops in her tracks and looks around. Rory raises a hand in the air and waves to her. She sees them and stands in surprise for a moment. But then, she starts to run towards them. However, both adults notice that she's not smiling and to Jess's horror, she bursts into tears as soon as she reaches them.
"What's wrong?" he asks when she's close enough. Doula falls into her brother's arms and starts sobbing on his shoulder. His body courses with panic and concern, but he holds on to her tightly. He looks over at Rory who looks just as worried as him.
"What's going on? Are you okay? Was someone an ass to you? I'll beat them up. I used to get in fights here when I was a teenager, anyway. Could be nostalgic for me. And I don't care that I could get arrested. I've been arrested before you know, it's no big deal," his words are purposely part soothing and part humorous, as he's not quite sure what she needs to hear. She finally starts speaking, but her words are incoherent to them both as she blubbers through them. Jess closes his eyes in pain for whatever she's going through, and he runs a hand in soothing circles on her back.
"Doula…I know it's hard, but please try to breathe. Try to take a couple of breaths for me, okay? I really want to understand you. It's really important to me, so please try to breathe and tell me when you can what's going on," his voice is soft and comforting, and although the situation is difficult, Rory finds her heart melting at his gentleness. She watches from a close distance, with her arms crossed over her chest and images of their future playing in her head. She pays close attention as Doula calms and starts to try and speak again.
"I missed you," she cries, lifting her head for a moment to wipe her eyes, "I'm so happy you're here Jess, but I missed you so much."
Rory places a hand on her heart at the intensity of his sister's words. He opens his eyes and looks over at Rory again, and she can see that he is already beating himself up about this.
"I'm sorry Doula, I've been keeping him to myself," Rory steps closer to them, trying to help calm everyone down a bit, "I had to go to Ukraine for work, and it's pretty scary there right now. We've been spending all my time at home together. I'm so sorry to do that to you."
Doula opens her eyes and looks over at Rory, and suddenly they fill with tears again.
"But I missed you too!" she cries, and lets go of Jess to hug her, "can you guys move to Stars Hollow? Please? Or can I come live with you? I'm really clean and I don't eat too much. I'll be a good roommate, I promise. I'll take care of Sabrina for you, and I'll do all kinds of chores."
Rory looks over at Jess with her eyebrows raised; he mirrors her look and shrugs.
"Hey, what's going on?" Jess asks softly, placing a hand on her back. She holds on to Rory tighter and releases another sob. Rory rubs a hand on her back and suggests quietly,
"Why don't we go somewhere? My mom's house should be empty right now. Do you want to go there and talk to us?"
She takes a loud but steadying breath, and nods against Rory's shoulder.
"Okay," Rory replies, squeezing her once more, "let's go."
Doula turns straight but still clings to Rory's arm as they walk in the direction of the house. They walk mostly in silence, aside from Rory returning hellos to some familiar faces. When they get to the house, it is empty as Rory promised. They walk inside and Rory leads her to the living room couch, urging her to take a seat.
"Do you want coffee?" she asks softly, "I can make us some."
She sniffles, "Uncle Luke says people should only drink coffee in the morning. And only one cup."
"That's crazy talk. That would mean people can only be happy in the mornings," she winks at her kindly, "I'll make us coffee. I promise it will help you feel at least a little better. And what's your favorite kind of pop tart? I'm sure my mom has anything you want."
"I'm not hungry."
"Hmm, I'm not familiar with that flavor," she teases, "I'll get you cinnamon sugar. It's a classic. Be right back."
With a pat on Doula's leg, she turns towards the kitchen and her eyes meet Jess's briefly as he runs a hand through his hair.
"I'll get you some tissues and water," he offers, following Rory out of the room. As Rory makes the coffee and toasts their snack, Jess whispers to her,
"You didn't have to try and cover for me. "
"I wasn't, it's true," she shrugs and meets his eyes, "we have been spending my time at home together."
"That's no excuse. I could have visited."
She smiles tightly, "Jess, whatever is going on with her, the root of the issue isn't going to be you not visiting. Don't worry about it."
"Did you hear the way she said she missed me? It killed me, Rory."
She looks him in the eyes again, "It's not you, okay? She is clearly going through something. And seeing you, and maybe me, made her feel comfortable enough to release her emotions about it. You realize that's what is happening, right? She wouldn't have broken down and cried, or said anything at all, if she didn't trust us. And isn't that a great feeling?"
His eyes soften and he sighs, "I don't like when she cries."
Rory gives him a sad smile and then turns back to the counter.
"I know it's hard to see her this way. We just need to go back in there with open ears and open hearts, it's all we can do."
He looks her over as she pours coffee and plates their snack. He pulls her head towards him with one hand and kisses the side of her face.
"I'm really glad you're home. And here with me right now."
She smiles softly back at him. Then nods towards the living room. They return, armed with tools to support his sister. Rory places the coffees and pop tarts on the coffee table, then sits on one side of Doula, while Jess hands her tissues and takes a seat on the other.
"What's going on, kid?" he asks his sister, turning towards her on the couch. She sits with her arms crossed and mouth in a pout. They wait patiently for a response.
"Kayla broke up with me," she finally confesses in a whimper.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry Doula," Rory sympathizes, placing a hand on her arm, "I know you two have been together for a while."
"Officially a year and a half two weeks ago," she mumbles, "since I was thirteen!"
Jess grimaces, "Oh Doula. You're so young. It will be okay."
She just shakes her head in response. Rory asks carefully, "why did she break up with you?"
"Because…I got into the ballet program in New York for this summer."
Jess's eyebrows wrinkle in confusion, "that's amazing. Congrats. But why the hell would she break up with you for that?"
She swallows and looks up at the ceiling, "because it means I'll be gone for two whole months in the summer. She feels like dance is more important to me than her, which is crazy! It's not my fault the dates the camp takes place. And it's an incredible opportunity, I can't just turn it down because my girlfriend wants me stuck in this small town with her all summer long!"
Jess wants to smile, because he immediately feels proud of her for these mature realizations. He knows that there are kids her age that would give something like that up for someone else.
"That is really unfair of her," Rory agrees, picking up her coffee to take a sip but never taking her eyes off Doula.
"I know. But…she was my first kiss and my first girlfriend and my first everything."
"Everything? What does everything entail?" Jess can't suppress the urge to ask, "You're only fifteen."
"Jess," Rory hisses at him, "now is not the time for that."
"Sorry, sorry. Putting my cool brother hat back on now," he jokes, and is pleased to see his sister's mouth twitch, "Listen Doula…it's good that this happened. I know you don't feel that way now, and it might take some time for you to see it. But it's better that you find out now you're not with someone that supports you than years on. You could have found yourself giving up on what you love for someone you love. And, I'm sorry, but that's never acceptable. Okay? You deserve to be with someone that cares about and supports your dreams. Just like you would support someone else's dreams, right?"
She looks up at Jess with a hesitant look, but after a moment she nods.
"I guess so."
"It's still going to be hard. The first time someone broke up with me I was so wrecked. I think I told you about him before, his name was Dean. I didn't want to be sad, I pretended not to be by keeping myself busy but…I was so sad. And he was not right for me at all. He was similar to Kayla actually. He didn't want me to go far away for college, he didn't want me to spend my time doing extra curriculars so I could get into Harvard and Yale. He didn't want me to be me. And then I met Jess, and I realized how amazing it can feel to be with someone who loves you for who you are, and doesn't try to stop you from growing and being ambitious, and just living a life that is for you and not for someone else," she leans closer to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, "Kayla was your Dean. Eventually you will meet your Jess, and I know that sounds weird, but you know what I mean. Trust me. This breakup was a good thing."
She feels Jess touch her hand sweetly. She moves her head from Doula's to meet his eyes, and his loving look gives her butterflies. Between them, the young girl has mostly calmed down with some tears still running down her face. Jess taps her on the leg.
"I know I said I would kick someone's ass for you before, but I can't hit a girl. I'm sorry. I would be happy to teach you how to though if you want to learn."
Doula looks up at him, but instead of an amused look, her eyes are filling with tears again.
"That's the other thing I'm upset about."
He looks at her, feeling completely perplexed, "What?"
"I know that you've been in fights before, because I read your book," she starts to cry harder, "your book of short stories. Mom was so horrible to you Jess! Why didn't you tell me?! I've just been thinking she's weird but otherwise great my whole life, but she was the worst mom ever to you!"
His face drops and his eyes widen. His mouth moves but nothing comes out. She sobs harder and Rory releases her so that she can go into Jess's arms. He wraps them around her and looks to Rory over her shoulder. She's biting at her lip somewhat anxiously; it's clear they are both unsure of how to handle this one. He takes a breath, and attempts to soothe her,
"That book is fiction."
She scoffs, "don't lie to me! I know it's based on true stories. She could have killed you! She was so terrible to you, it's not fair."
"Doula…" he rubs her back, "it wasn't really that she was terrible to me. She was troubled and couldn't take care of me the way that I should have been taken care of. It wasn't on purpose."
"Why are you making excuses for her?" she cries, "I hate her, that's why I don't want to live here anymore. She neglected you and I hate her for it!"
"Hey," Jess says sternly, and holds her out in front of him by her arms, "don't say that, Doula. You don't hate her, and I don't want you to. I don't hate her. She has been a wonderful mom to you. She takes care of you, and she loves you so much. Your relationship with her has nothing to do with me and should have nothing to do with me."
She grimaces, "but she let people hurt you! Her stupid boyfriends hurt you and she was too busy drinking to notice. What kind of mother does that? A man threw beer bottles at you when you were just a kid! I bet you have scars. Do you have scars? How can you not hate her when you have scars?!"
Jess closes his eyes and takes a calming breath. He opens them and meets her eyes.
"Doula…I'm right here. I'm alive. My heart is beating, I'm breathing. I'm here, holding my little sister and talking her through her first breakup. Everything is okay. Everything is fine. I've forgiven her. I do not want you to carry around this weight for me, it doesn't help me in any way. I know you love me, and I know that's where this is coming from. And I love you too. But don't turn on Liz for me, okay? She made mistakes with me but has worked so hard to be better for you. And that's all that I can ask from her. Please let it go."
Her face falls and she stares back at him. Then she sighs and leans forward to hug him again.
"It's just not fair."
"I don't disagree with that. But if it had to be one of us that gets a better childhood, I'm forever grateful that it's you."
Rory watches the two of them and tries unsuccessfully to stop her eyes from misting. Doula pulls back from Jess, sniffling and wiping her eyes.
"I think your dad is dumb. Am I allowed to say that?"
His eyes light up in amusement at her words and he smirks.
"Yes. You're allowed to say that."
"He's stupid for not getting to know you."
Jess shrugs. His mouth opens and closes. Then he says, with a gentleness he didn't expect to hear from himself, "he's working on it."
"I wish I could see you more," she says this quietly, like she's afraid that he's going to make fun of her. Rory smiles at the familiar words from a few years earlier, and she remembers telling Doula that she should say them to him. Jess gives her a genuine grin that helps her relax.
"Guess what?"
"What?"
"Liz called me and asked me if you can stay with me during the ballet camp. Is that something you would like to do?"
Doula blinks any remaining water from her eyes and her lips stretch across her face for the first time that day.
"Yes! Please! That would be amazing! Oh my god, for two whole months I get to live with you?!"
Jess's eyes shift to Rory, and she gives him a pleased look of 'I told you so'.
"Yes, if that's what you want."
"Yes yes yes!" she jumps up off the couch with excitement. He laughs, his chest warming at her excitement.
"And you'll have your own room. Well, your own half of a room. Rory and I moved our office to one side of the spare room. But I won't be in there whenever you're there, of course. I'll use my office during hours that you're at ballet. So you have your own personal space."
"Really? That's so nice! I would have slept on the couch."
"Oh, well, if you want us to put it back -"
"No! I would love to have my own space in your apartment. That feels special."
"It is special," Rory confirms happily, "we both love you Doula, and we're excited to have you around. And I will definitely be home at least some of the time you visit, so you know what that means!"
She looks at Rory with an excited smile, "movie nights?! I can finally eat Swedish fish again!"
"Okay but a regular amount right? Not enough to feed an elephant?" Jess suggests, and he gets an annoyed look from both of them in response.
"Right, I can see I'll need to pick my battles," he mumbles then clears his throat, "so. You mentioned firsts earlier. What sort of firsts? Hugging? Holding hands in the movie theater? Drinking shots of espresso for the first time?"
Rory clicks her tongue and picks up a piece of pop tart to throw at him.
"Leave her alone! She just had her heart broken. She doesn't need the third degree. What she does need though, is to wallow."
"Yeah I need to wallow!" Doula asserts with a nod.
He gives her a suspicious look, "Do you even know what that means?"
"No," she confesses with a frown, "but I trust Rory. She's been through this before! She knows what will help."
"What about me? You don't think I've ever had my heartbroken?" he asks, with a mildly offended tone.
"You're a man, Jess. It's not the same," Rory shakes her head with a sigh.
"Excuse me? Am I being discriminated against?"
"It's just the truth!" Doula argues, taking a seat on the couch again next to Rory, "You don't know what it's like as a girl."
"Fine. Then I won't tell you about the first girl I really liked that kissed me once and disappeared."
"No wait tell us! We want to know," Rory pleads with a pout. He gives her a small grin of satisfaction and nods.
"I really liked a girl. I was eleven. I kissed her outside on the playground at school one day, and then never saw her again."
"What?!" Doula exclaims, holding a hand up in disbelief, "What's her name? What happened to her?"
"I don't remember her name. And I don't remember what happened to her. I think she moved to another part of New York maybe?"
Rory and Doula share a look.
He quickly adds on, "but I remember she had dark hair and…brown eyes. I think."
Doula looks at Jess with a raised brow, and then back at Rory.
"He doesn't get it."
"Nope," Rory agrees with a sigh, "Just as we suspected. It's okay. We'll put him to work. Let's make a list of everything we need to wallow."
Jess scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest, "That's fine. I'll just sit here all alone in my memories of my first heartbreak. Don't worry about me."
"I'm sorry," Rory frowns and pats his leg, then asks, "so, you think you can check the freezer to see what kind of ice cream there is?"
"Sure, you sound really sympathetic."
"Yeah, oh and see what kind of cookies we have please!"
He stands up with a huff,
"Jeez, is this what my life is going to be like for two months?"
Rory grins, "maybe."
"Lucky me," he teases with a playful eye roll as he walks to the kitchen. But he allows the genuine smile to come over him, because he knows he will love it. Their energy is always contagious, and being around Rory when she's in her nurturing mode - it stirs a rush of affection and longing throughout him, mixed with admiration. He can't wait to see it in action one day in a different context.
…..
"I'm begging you, don't let them eat all this food in one sitting," Luke pleads in a grumbling tone as he pushes a box of takeout across the diner counter to Jess.
"Do you think it's ever a good idea to tell a woman to not eat too much food?" Jess inquires with a raised brow, "and especially the Gilmores."
Luke huffs, "Okay, but what about Doula? She'll listen to you!"
"Sorry Uncle Luke, I don't have that kind of power when Rory is involved."
Luke sighs and runs a hand over his face.
"What's this all about anyway?"
"Rory is helping Doula 'wallow'. Supposed to be cathartic or something."
Luke eyes him, "cathartic for…what?"
Jess leans in and says quietly, mindful of the diner full of townsfolk around him, "her first breakup."
"Her first breakup? I didn't even know she was in a…situation to be broken up with. She's fifteen!"
"Did you not meet Kayla a dozen times? I would imagine Doula would have brought her around here a lot, being that she can eat for free and all. I assume you don't charge your own niece."
Luke stares back at Jess in confusion, and then suddenly it dawns on him.
"Kayla. I didn't know that was her…" he leans in and mutters, "her girlfriend, girlfriend. I thought it was a…girl friend."
Jess bites down his smirk, and shrugs, "that checks out, Mr. Oblivious."
"I'm not that oblivious," Luke grunts and crosses his arms over his chest, "why do you think I used to come up to the apartment to grab something every ten minutes when you and Rory were up there as teenagers?"
"I already knew you were checking on us," Jess rolls his eyes, and this time he doesn't hold his smirk back, "I wouldn't recommend ever trying that now. You would be getting a completely different show."
"Damnit Jess," Luke groans pulling at his baseball cap, "why do you say crap like that?!"
"It's just too easy, Luke."
His Uncle mutters to himself as he refills coffee cups nearby. Then he steps in front of Jess again with a pained, hesitant look on his face. Jess's face falls.
"What?"
"We can't beat up a girl."
Jess raises an eyebrow. Luke crosses his arms over his chest.
"We can't beat up a girl and especially not a teenager! With Rory, it was easier. I could be a major jerk to Dean and physically threaten him. I can't do that with this girl! What do we do in this situation? Yell at her parents? Pay another girl to beat her up? Ban her from the diner?"
Jess waves his hands in the air to stop his tirade, "wait a second, wait a second. Did you…beat up Dean?"
Luke flushes and looks away before mumbling, "Tried to. Lorelai stopped me."
"Damn, why would she do that?!"
"Trying to keep me from going to jail! It's good she did, I was fully prepared to kick his ass. Couldn't stand Rory being sad or having her heart broken by that idiot," he responds animatedly, then in a more hushed voice says, "and I don't want to see Doula sad or heartbroken either. So how are we supposed to protect her and stick up for her in this situation?"
Jess would make fun of him, but he knows this is coming from a serious place of love. He looks his uncle over and shrugs.
"What would you have done if it were me? If you had been around for my first," he asks carefully, trying not to give away how interested he actually is in his response. Luke softens and meets his eyes.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there, for whenever that actually did happen," he mumbles kindly. He scratches the back of his head and takes a breath.
"But, I would have taken care of you, Jess. I would have tried to talk to you, I would have…made your favorite foods. Maybe take you fishing or to a baseball game to take your mind off of it. I would have reminded you that…you're a great kid and that you're loved, and that things will get better."
A strange ache pulls in Jess's chest, as he imagines what it would have been like to have Luke in his life the way that Doula has since she was born. But he's happy that she has it, so he smiles softly.
"So, there you go. That's what you do," he advises, and then smirks slightly as he says, "maybe not fishing or baseball, though. Don't think that's her speed."
"You'd be surprised, I've taken her fishing before. She liked it," Luke shrugs and then whispers conspiratorially, "don't tell Rory or Lorelai that. She knows they wouldn't understand."
Jess grins, an appreciation for his sister having all of these great people in her life surging through him. He takes a breath before telling Luke, "I think I'm going to release my new book on Father's Day."
He looks at him for a moment before grinning, "oh yeah? As a 'screw you' to Jimmy? And Christopher, I guess. Though he's more oblivious than me. He won't have a damn clue even if you throw the book in his face."
Jess frets; he rubs his hand against the back of his head.
"Maybe. Definitely Christopher," he mumbles and then asks in a tone that lacks his usual confidence, "Do you think he will see it that way? Jimmy, I mean."
Luke's amused look drops as he scrutinizes Jess.
"You don't want him to," he surmises quietly, "Do you?"
"I don't know…he is trying. I don't want to discourage him."
Luke puts his hands on the counter as he regards Jess with a pensive look on his face.
"Jess," he starts and pauses for a moment, "in the dedication you gave me, you said that I showed you the meaning of…being cared about no matter what you say or do."
Jess nods; he crosses his arms over his chest as he waits for more insight from his Uncle.
Luke gestures in the air before saying, "having your son publish hard truths about your failures as a father on Father's Day, and still loving him and putting in effort to be better, is the unconditional care you deserve from him."
Jess nods slowly, with a pensive look on his face.
Luke regards him and adds on in his very Luke way with a small smirk, "and by the way, it's just a hallmark holiday. Created for companies to make more money. So why wouldn't you capitalize on that?"
Jess chuckles in response. He pauses, and then with a curiosity he can't quell he asks, "you knew him, right? When he was…a teenager and dating Liz?"
Luke stands up straight, face turning more serious, with a nod.
"I did, yes. He was...kinda like you. Quiet but clever. Wanted to sock him in the face more than once."
Jess briefly smirks before frowning.
"He wasn't…a bad person though. Right?"
Luke softens and offers Jess a kind smile of understanding.
"No, Jess. He wasn't a bad person. Just made some bad choices. Some really stupid choices. But I wouldn't say he was 'bad'. He didn't bully small children or anything like that."
Jess laughs and jokes, "that was exactly my concern, how did you know?"
His phone goes off in his pocket and he sighs.
"I'm sure that's Rory checking on this food. I better go."
Luke nods and pushes the box across the counter to him.
"You're a great big brother, Jess. Much better than I was. Much better than I am."
"That will be put to the test soon," he mumbles in response, picking the box of food up, "she's going to stay with me for two months. She got into the New York ballet camp."
"Rory will be there too, right?" Luke questions with a nervous look. Jess starts to scowl just as Luke grins.
"Just kidding. You'll be fine, Jess. Though I do hope she's at least half as difficult as you were, give you a taste of your own medicine."
Jess huffs and rolls his eyes and heads towards the door.
"Hey, tell Doula to stay for dinner tonight. I'll bring home something special for her," Luke calls out to him before he exits.
"Sure. Thanks for everything, Uncle Luke," he nods with a smirk and steps outside.
He hears a muffled shout of, "it's just Luke, damn it!" in response and smirks wider.
"I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow, we only had one week together!" Doula exclaims to Rory while holding her arm. They walk next to each other on the sidewalk in the city, with Jess just a step ahead of them. The three of them are heading to Truncheon, because Jess received a notification that the copies of his new book arrived today, and he wants to get them on the shelves himself. Doula has been with them since the first day of June; Luke and Lorelai dropped her off the previous week so they would have an opportunity to see Rory before she leaves for her next trip to report on the Russo-Ukrainian war. Her trip at the end of April ended quickly due to unsafe conditions; she was home for all of May, much to Jess's relief.
"I know, I'm sorry," Rory replies with a pout, "but it was a fun week, wasn't it? Your candy eating skills have drastically improved! And we watched so many classics."
"And you both created so many dirty dishes," Jess remarks as he turns his head back towards them.
"We offered to help clean them," Doula argues, "but no, you wanted to be a martyr and stuff. That's your own fault."
"I mostly just didn't want to watch Mean Girls again. I'm not complaining, the dishes were a welcome break from all the giggling and reciting Gretchen Wiener lines."
"It's Gretchen Wieners. With an S!" Doula replies emphatically.
"Seems like you actually might need to watch it again," Rory adds on in a teasing tone. Jess throws her a faux-annoyed look as he pulls out his keys to open the back door to the shop.
"And to think you gave me a hard time about Almost Famous back in the day. I've never watched it four times in one day."
"It's because I wanted to learn the holiday dance!"
"Yes, that's definitely something you should know the choreography to at age fifteen," he grumbles, holding the door open for them both. Rory pats him on the chest as she walks in.
"It's just for fun. Don't be such a Luke."
"Whatever," he sighs and leads them to his office where boxes of his new book are piled up, "I won't talk any more shit since you're both being kind enough to help me stock the store."
"Oh, I'm so excited to be part of this!" Rory exclaims and turns to Jess with an appreciative smile, "I know you wanted to release it on Father's Day. But I'm so glad you decided to release it a week earlier."
His mouth perks up, "I figured I should take it as a sign to change the release date when the Times called and asked you to leave this week. Didn't want to test the universe."
"I would have really hated missing it."
"I know," he gives her a wink and skims a hand down her arm lovingly, "I would have been pretty bummed too."
Her smile grows wider at his admission, and her eyes cast to his lips but before she can place a kiss there, Doula asks, "can we see the books?"
Her attention snaps from Jess to the packages in his office.
"Yes! The books!" Rory exclaims, practically jumping towards the boxes.
"Okay, wait," Jess stops her as she places her hands on the highest box, "let me move them to the shop floor for you before you hurt yourself."
Rory gives him a look and Doula remarks, "he is such a Luke."
"Uh huh, go ahead. I'll meet you out in the store."
The two leave the room with annoyed sighs, making Jess grin. He steps up and grabs two boxes off the top with a small grunt and walks them out of the office and into the shop, placing them on the floor near the shelf that's been cleared for this. Rory walks up with a big smile.
"This is so exciting. Open it, open it!"
He smirks, "they say patience is a virtue."
"In this case, it's also unnecessary. Come on, don't keep us waiting!" she argues, clapping her hands with giddy. He turns to Doula, "mind grabbing me a box cutter? There should be one in a drawer under the register."
She steps away to do as he asks and from his kneeling position on the floor, he meets Rory's eyes and nods.
"Come here."
She leans forward with a raised brow, "you need help getting up?"
He chuckles before placing his hand behind her head and bringing her lips to meet his. She smiles down at him as they break apart.
"I'm glad you're here for this."
"I'm ecstatic."
"So I've heard," his lip quirks up, "how many copies do I need to forfeit to you?"
"Forfeit is an ugly word."
"Well, I'm not accepting any money for them from you, and I'm also not going to limit you. So it is kinda forfeiting."
She tugs at her bottom lip to curb her growing smile.
"Can I have ten?"
He looks up at her in disbelief, "ten?! What are you going to do with ten?"
Doula walks up and hands him the tool as Rory responds,
"Leave them places in my travels, so people in other parts of the world can discover the best author in the United States!"
"Oh, cool! Can I have some? I'll leave one at the ballet studio, and I'll take some home to leave around Stars Hollow!"
Jess looks at her with a pained, pleading look, "Please don't. Not Stars Hollow. Those freaks made me insane when my last book came out. I'm not even sending any copies to Andrew's book store this time."
"Jess, open the box already. Please! My flight is in twelve hours, I don't have all night."
"Jesus, fine," he opens the blade and cuts across the tape, slowly unveiling the books. Rory gets down on the floor, unable to resist helping him open the box the rest of the way. He rolls his eyes at her antics, but he smiles too - because it feels good to be with someone who is just as excited about his work as him.
"These are beautiful," Rory mumbles in awe as she takes out a copy of the sleek, dark covered novel, "perfect size for the back pocket of someone's jeans."
Her eyes cast to his with a nostalgic grin; he returns it with a nod.
"No one wants to carry around a big, bulky book. I want people to actually read these, not just put them on the shelf for decoration."
She shrugs and starts flipping through the pages, "I don't know, I don't mind carrying big books around."
"Well, you're you," he mutters in a teasing tone as he picks up a copy for himself. Suddenly, Rory gasps and he smiles softly, assuming it's about his dedication to her.
"Jess…did you know about this introduction?" she asks, and his eyes snap up to hers with a confused frown.
"What?"
She points to his book, "there's an introduction, keep looking."
He looks down at the book in his hands, and carefully flips until he sees it. He blinks hard as he takes in what he's looking at; an introduction to his book written by Brandon.
"This book is about paternal figures. The good, the absent, and the very ugly.
For most of my life, I have been only familiar with two of those types. The author of this book changed that.
I'm not going to say Jess is like a father to me. That's too clean, it's too simple. And everyone has their own idea of what that should be. I am writing this now as somewhat of an adult, at twenty years old. And up until seventeen, I didn't know a world existed where I would feel like I had someone on my side. And that has everything to do with Jess. Without going into detail, my father and his father before him belong in this book as examples of what not to do. And you will see as you read these stories, Jess gets that. He understands, but he also doesn't focus on that part of my life. I am more to him than a kid with a shitty upbringing, and he's helped me see myself as more than that too.
Someday someone will write a book about Jess (against his wishes, I'm sure). Someone with the ability to capture the generosity, care and love that surrounds every single thing he does. And of course, his sarcastic nature. I wish it could be me, but as Jess knows, I'm much happier editing than writing. However, when the opportunity presented itself to introduce this work by someone that means so much to me, I decided to attempt it.
Jess, I'm sorry this introduction is brief. And I'm sorry I cannot possibly articulate your vast value in this world here in words. You're not like a father to me, because that word isn't enough. I have a father, and you don't deserve to be placed in the same category - you're in a league of your own. To me, you're Jess. And those that are lucky enough to know what that means, understand exactly what I'm saying.
Thank you for the opportunities, the care, and especially the tattoos.
And readers, as you flip through these stories, understand that there is no reflection of the bad examples in the man that wrote this. He is complex; sometimes moody and easily annoyed. He curses up a storm when someone has pissed him off. Sometimes he locks himself in his office because he can't deal with talking to one more person at work. But he also will always open that door for someone like me who needs it. Trust me when I say, every part of this man is good. My world, and everyone else's, is better with Jess and his work in it."
They finish reading at the same time and their eyes meet. Rory places a hand on her chest as she takes in the look on Jess's face.
"You didn't know."
He shakes his head slowly, "Matt and Chris must have asked him to do it."
"Oh Jess," she says softly, a look of deep admiration in her eyes, "look at how you've changed lives. Look at how much you mean to Brandon, and I'm sure every other student you've worked with. These words are so meaningful, and you've inspired all of them. I'm in awe, and so deeply proud of you."
He tries to swallow the weight of her words, but it turns into a sort of rough chuckle.
"I don't even know what to say."
Rory gives him a gentle smile, at the same time Doula asks, "what is it? Can I read it?"
Rory nods and hands her the book from her hands. She turns back to Jess, who is staring at the words in the book again. She leans forward and places a hand on his shoulder. He looks up at her.
"Happy early not-Father's day," she says with a soft, teasing smile. Slowly he smiles back.
"That's a mouthful."
"It kinda is," she laughs, and then her face drops into something more earnest as she looks him over, "god, I'm really glad you changed the date. I would have missed out on this…brilliant look on your face. And this experience of you seeing clear proof of what I've been telling you all this time. That you're amazing, and an incredible addition to people's lives."
He takes a steadying breath; heart and mind racing. Leaning towards her, he places a delicate kiss on her lips. Then, he places the book down and says slowly, "I, uh. Need to call him."
She nods and takes her hand off his shoulder.
"Go ahead, I'll start putting the books on the shelves."
He stands up while taking his phone out of his pocket. As he's walking to his office, Rory calls out, "Invite him to get dessert with us!"
He looks back at her, "I'm sure he has better things to do than meet his boss for dessert at eight on a Saturday night."
She shrugs with a small smile, "You never know. Especially since you're more than his boss."
He pauses at that, and after a beat, continues the walk to his office. He takes a seat at his desk as he finds Brandon in his contacts.
"Hey Jess."
"Brandon," he greets, "Sorry to call you after work hours."
"I'm sure I've called you after work hours at least a dozen times."
The side of Jess's mouth perks up, "that's different."
"If you say so," Brandon mumbles, and Jess hears him closing a door in the background, "what's going on?"
"Um," Jess stammers, not knowing how to start. He scratches his head, and then puts his hand on the desk, tapping his fingers there.
"You alright?"
"Yeah," he replies quickly, "Yeah, I'm good. Uh…the copies of my new book came in today."
There's a pause before Brandon responds with a knowing, "ah."
"Yeah," he breathes out. It's quiet on the line, and suddenly Jess remembers that he's the grownup, and that there's nothing wrong with showing some sensitivity in front of Brandon.
"Brandon. Not to sound mushy but I am… pretty much speechless. Grateful seems like such a weak word for how I feel. But I am, I am really grateful for your words and your addition to my work and…your trust in me."
Brandon replies quietly, "it's not like you didn't earn it or don't deserve it."
"I don't think I've done anything special," Jess mumbles his reply, "just showed you the human decency you deserve."
"You changed my life." Brandon argues swiftly in response, "Do you not realize that? Do you have any idea what I was going to do if you hadn't come to Truncheon that night and talked to me and gave me more money and…helped me?"
Jess swallows, thinking about his past self when he says, "I think I do have an idea."
"Right," Brandon replies softly, "I'm sure you do."
The two men are silent for a solid minute, when Jess decides to go for it.
"This might be weird but, have any interest in meeting for dessert? Not just me…Rory and my sister Doula will be there. We're just going to a diner nearby for some pie and cake after we finish shelving my books."
"Um…" Brandon mumbles in thought. And Jess realizes he needs to be even more open, because he knows from experience that Brandon has probably felt unwanted in a lot of situations in his life.
"I would really like it if you came. But I understand if it's too much of a hassle or something."
He hears Brandon take a breath, and smiles at his more upbeat response of,
"Yeah, okay. Text me the name of the diner and I'll catch a train."
"Okay," Jess replies steadily, trying to tame the surprise in his voice, "will do. See you soon. Bye."
Jess ends the call and places his phone on the desk. He sits with his eyes closed, in an almost meditative sort of state. The sides of his mouth lift, and he takes a breath in an effort to steady the bubbling in his chest. And he realizes before it's even on the shelf, unlike his last one, that it was worth it to write and publish this book.
….
As soon as Jess, Rory and Doula take a seat in a booth at the diner, Jess notices Brandon walk through the door. He throws a hand up to wave him over and stands up when he gets to the table. Without too much thought, he brings him in for a half hug, patting him on the back. Hoping the depth of his gratitude is felt. Brandon gives him a nod and quick grin of understanding as they break apart. He introduces him to Doula as Brandon takes the seat next to her.
"Nice to meet you," he holds his hand out to her, and she looks at it before shaking it.
"An adult has never offered me a handshake before."
"Yeah, me neither. Until I met Jess a few years ago."
Doula grins, "it's cool. I like it. It makes me feel serious."
"I don't think you have a serious bone in your body," Jess teases, earning him a harsh glare. Brandon laughs.
"That's how I felt when Jess did it. So that's how I greet everyone I meet now, regardless of age."
"Even a baby?" Doula questions with her eyebrow raised.
"Can't say I've met any babies lately," he shrugs, "but I don't see why not."
"I love that," Rory chimes in with a smile that makes Jess grin too; he rests his arm across the seat behind her, tapping her shoulder to urge her closer to him. She inches closer until their hips are touching and he gives her a look that makes her whole face brighten.
A waiter comes by and takes their orders, returning quickly with their drinks.
"Coffee at nine at night?" Brandon inquires, watching Rory sip from her white mug. She places it down with a small smirk.
"Coffee all the time, Brandon."
"Can I have some?" Doula asks and Jess shoots her a look.
"You're fifteen. What do you need coffee at night time for?"
"What does Rory need it for?"
Jess goes to argue but ends up throwing his hand up in surrender, "Fine. I have no argument. But I will say, Rory has already consumed more coffee at her age than you will in your entire lifetime. I don't think it makes a difference for her what time she drinks it but you - you will be bouncing off the walls. My walls."
She huffs and turns to Brandon, "what's it like working for my brother? Does he make you crazy? He makes me crazy."
Brandon releases a genuine belly laugh that, despite the conversation being about him, makes Jess glad to hear it.
"I wouldn't say he makes me crazy. If anything, we all make him crazy."
"You don't. I won't name who does," Jess mumbles as he sips his water.
The waiter drops off their desserts then, and Rory and Doula are immediately occupied with digging into their slices of pie. Brandon shakes off his hoodie to dig into his own dessert. Jess notices a bandage sticking out of his shirt near his shoulder. Between a bite of his cake, he nods to it.
"You get another tattoo?"
"Yeah," he nods a few times, "my friend needed practice, so I got something basic. Just a Nine Inch Nails logo."
"Really?" Jess asks in a tone of pleasant surprise, "that's fucking cool. You'll have to show me once it's healed."
"What's Nine Inch Nails?" Doula asks around a mouthful of pie. Jess puts his fork down and his face in his hands.
"Oh, Doula. Please don't embarrass me in public like this."
Both Rory and Brandon can't hold back the laughter that comes out of them at that statement, while Doula sits with her arms crossed.
"Jess, that was mean. She's young," Rory chastises, futilely trying to tame the amused smile on her face. He shakes his head.
"That's no excuse," he turns to Doula, "it's a good thing you're staying with me for so long. We have a lot of work to do on your music taste and knowledge. And movies too, because Mean Girls just can't be your favorite movie, I'm sorry. There is so much more out there."
The table erupts in conversation and laughter, teasing remarks being thrown left and right. Needing to recover from a round of giggling, Rory takes a breather and a beat and looks over at Jess. She's quickly hypnotized by the genuine grin on his face, the vibrant and upbeat energy of him. He looks happy, and he looks like he's right where he's supposed to be. Her body floods with warmth seeing him this way, surrounded by people that care for him and not being overwhelmed by it or distant to it. Because she knows what it took for him to get to this place where love isn't a scary thing, both giving it and receiving it. All of the people he's let in, and the ways he's bared himself especially to Brandon to help make his life better - she's overflowing with pride for her beautiful, loving man. And on top of those feelings, she feels a sort of relief, because she knows that this time when she leaves for work - he isn't going to be alone at all. That knowledge makes the thought of getting on a plane again the next morning to travel far away from him to a much less comfortable place feel a little bit easier. She knows he will be with people he loves, and people that love him too. And there's no better consolation than that, because she will worry about him while they're apart, just as much as he worries about her.