thank you for reading/reviewing! i know, i know - we like chapters best when Jess and Rory are together. here you go :)
Rated M content ahead
enjoy xoxo
disclaimer: I own nothing
He wakes up with a start as he hears his name and feels someone nudging his arm. He's fully clothed from the day before having passed out quickly after his fight with his sister. He sits up in bed and blinks until he sees Doula standing next to him. Her face is a mix of tears and concern.
"What's wrong?"
"Jess…I tried to call Rory last night and I tried to get a hold of her this morning. She hasn't gotten back to me," her voice trembles. He reaches a hand out and touches her arm kindly.
"She's working, Doula. And she mentioned that there isn't good cell service or internet."
Her lower lip shakes, "I'm really worried because look-" she shows him her phone, and the headline is about a missile attack. His heart drops to his stomach, and he starts feeling that sadly familiar pit of despair open up inside him again. He jumps out of bed and runs out to the living room where he left his phone the previous night.
"Her phone is off or dead," his sister is suddenly behind him, "it kept going to voicemail and my texts are sending green."
He looks at her and then back at his phone, and decides to try calling the people she's with. Their phones go to voicemail too; he curses to himself and tries to take deep breaths. He attempts to stay calm for his sister's sake, but can't control the tears that fill his eyes as he becomes stricken with worry. His mind and body flashback to the previous year, when he thought something horrible happened to her. But this time he knows she isn't going to surprise him by walking through the door. Doula watches as tears stream down his face while he makes phone calls over and over again. She chews at her lip and finds it so hard to watch her brother cry, her gaze turns to the floor. Around her, Jess paces and aggressively tries to get information from various people on the phone. He's holding back; he wants to yell and scream and give people a hard time, but keeps somewhat steady both for Doula and Rory. He's sure she wouldn't appreciate him shouting at her coworkers or supervisors.
He goes through his contacts for for what feels like forever, before he gets a call from an unknown number. Typically he wouldn't answer, but he picks it up quickly with hope blooming in his chest.
"Hello?"
"Jess, it's me. I'm okay."
He puffs out a labored breath of stress, and falls backwards into a seat on the couch.
"Thank fucking God. What's going on?"
"I know I'm sorry. The area that we're in is a dead zone, the cell towers are blocked. We had one satellite phone in the car and we've all been taking turns calling our loved ones," she explains, sounding slightly out of breath, and then adds quietly, "I'm the only one without kids, you know. I volunteered to go last. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting."
"It doesn't matter, I'm so relieved to hear your voice. Me and Doula were worried. Are you anywhere near the attack?"
There's a noticeable pause that has the hairs on Jess's neck standing up before she responds.
"Kind of…close enough that our SUV rolled over from the tremors of it. But I'm okay. And the car is okay. We're all alright."
His eyes widen and he gets up to pace again.
"Are you really okay? Or are you just telling me that?"
"Jess.."
"Rory. Tell me. Please."
It's quiet for a while before she responds in a muted voice.
"I'll be looked over when we get back near our hostel. But I'm sure I'm fine," he hears her breathing tremble again, "And anyway, I have those first aid skills that Paris taught me, and the kit to go with it. Remember?"
"Rory…you're breathing funny," he states in tender voice of concern, "Are you hurt?"
"It's okay, I just got the wind knocked out of me is all. I'll be alright," she promises, speaking slowly to sound more normal, "I'll call you when we get back. I have to go now. Okay? I love you. And I'm okay. Some people aren't, Jess…but I am."
"Rory," he pleads her name softly, "are you going back now? How long will it take you? Can you just tell me if you're bleeding or something?"
She sighs, "we're going to try and get some more information here first…but then, yes. We're heading back."
"Are you bleeding?" he asks again, trying hard to keep any panic in his voice hidden.
"I'll call you later. I love you," she repeats these words instead of answering him. He sniffles and pulls at his hair and wipes tears from his eyes.
"Alright. I will…let you do your work. I love you too."
But he doesn't hang up, because he isn't the one that wants to get off the phone. They breathe soft breaths in each others' ears for a solid minute, both of them finding a sense of comfort in the sounds. Then, she hangs up and he collapses on the couch again.
Doula looks him over, taking in his hunched over form; his head in his hands and arms on his knees. She then carefully walks over to sit next to him, and puts a gentle hand on his back.
"She's okay?" she whispers. He rubs his face in his hands and then sits up and nods.
"Yes. She's alive."
"And she's okay?"
"She's alive. That's all she really told me."
Doula's gaze turns towards the floor, and her free hand frets with the bottom of her sleep shorts.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, hoping that she's loud enough for him to hear her. After a beat, she feels Jess's arm around her shoulders. He squeezes her to him, letting her know he understands the meaning of her words.
"I'm…sorry for yelling. That wasn't very cool older brother of me," he teases, and she looks up at him, "but I was worried."
Doula nods; she leans her head on his shoulder and they sit quietly for a few minutes.
She murmurs, "I've never seen you cry before."
He looks down at her until she meets his eyes.
"I cry. Especially when the people that mean the world to me are in unsafe situations."
She doesn't miss his pointed words and she grimaces.
"I'm really sorry. I have been acting up a little bit, I know. It's just that…" she shakes her head as she tries to make sense of her thoughts, "no one knows me here, besides you and Rory. It's nothing like Stars Hollow. Everyone is a stranger, and anything I do won't be common knowledge within a day or two. I feel…free. And I feel comfortable here with you."
He takes a deep breath, because he felt the exact same way in Stars Hollow as a teenager. It gives him the perspective he perhaps was lacking the previous night in his hasty attack.
"I understand that feeling. Very well."
Her mouth forms a small smile.
"It felt like a good opportunity to try things. Because even if I get caught here…there's no one for that to be shared with. Though I guess you could tell mom…"
He gives her a look of assurance.
"I won't. And I understand your desire to…have experiences and meet more people. But you should do that with people your age in more appropriate settings. Like at the movie theater, or a janitor's closet at school."
She laughs and the sound of it melts him into a semblance of relaxation.
"Oh my god. Did you do that?!"
"I plead the fifth," he replies with a half grin, then says more sternly, "but listen to me. You should be experiencing new things with people that are also experiencing those things for the first time. Not someone who is older and can manipulate you in any way."
She sighs, "isn't age just a number?"
He gives her a serious look.
"Not when you're fifteen, Doula."
She bites her lip and gives him a short nod of understanding. She looks up at him with big eyes before cautiously asking, "Rory was supposed to have a baby?"
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, he looks away from her.
"I shouldn't have said that. It's her business, and it was a long time ago now. I was just trying to get you to understand…"
"I understand," she says quietly, "I know what you mean. These things can happen to anyone. She's intelligent and strong, and that happened to her."
He nods, "you're intelligent and strong too. And that's why I know you will be careful from now on. Right? Only boys that you know, that are your age, and that you have spent enough time with to trust. Girls too."
He pauses, and trying to be a responsible older sibling, he questions, "And you know you should use protection with girls as well, right? Until you're in a monogamous relationship and have both been tested, at least."
Doula makes a face, "please stop."
"I'm just making sure you know. I have had to sit through Stars Hollow High's sex education, and I know it's lacking a lot of useful information. And I'm sure if mom has given you any sort of talk, it was something weird and quasi-spiritual and contained almost zero factual information. Am I right?"
Her frown deepens into a full on grimace, and she slowly nods.
"She said the most important thing is that our energies match," she rolls her eyes, "but yes, I know all about protection. You don't have to talk to me about it. Please don't talk to me about it."
He nods, "consider the topic filed away forever."
The frown on her face relaxes into a pensive look.
"Jess?"
He looks at her to continue with an inquisitive brow.
"Does that mean you were going to be a dad?"
He swallows, contemplating how to answer, if he should answer. Because it's complex, and it's not a topic he likes to discuss without Rory there. But then he slowly nods.
"In all the ways that matter, yes."
Her mouth forms a brief smile.
"I bet you would've been the best."
His heart aches with forlorn gratitude.
"Thank you," he squeezes her to him once more then asks, "what would you like to do with your day off from ballet?"
"I thought you were working today?" she regards him with a raised brow, "Remember? You said you would yell at Liam until he's 'crying on his knees'."
He bites back an amused laugh.
"I did say that, didn't I? It's probably best I give myself a day or two to cool down before I talk to him again."
She grins, "great idea."
He rolls his eyes but smiles softy, "he's a pain in the ass. But so was I at his age. I don't honestly think he would have hurt you but…you just never know, Doula."
"We talked a lot at Truncheon yesterday. He told me he likes working there and that he has a little brother, and that he was supposed to be starting college in the fall but he's probably going to put it off for another year. And he told me he lives in a not so great neighborhood so he likes that he gets to leave and spend time at the book store every afternoon."
He looks at her with confusion, unaware of any of this information and confused as to why he opened up to her.
"And, he said I have a pretty smile and a cute laugh," she curls her chin to her shoulder bashfully, "So I told him I wanted to hang out after work, but he didn't want me going to where he lives. That's why he came over here, I invited him because I knew you wouldn't be home until late. He didn't do anything wrong."
Jess gives her a look, "I don't agree with that part. He knows better than to sneak around my home with my little sister. Even I had more respect than that at his age."
"So you're saying you never tried to sneak over Rory's? Or asked her to sneak somewhere with you?" she looks at him with her arms crossed, face full of skepticism.
His mouth opens to argue, but he closes it and shakes his head.
"It's different. I'm only a year older than Rory, and the dynamics were not the same. She was a girl around my age, that I met in the town that I lived. Liam is older and lives here, and he works for me. That makes it even more unacceptable."
She sighs heavily.
"He was really nice to me."
Jess laughs in disbelief.
"He was!" she insists with a somewhat annoyed look on her face. Then she smirks, "He asked me if I was comfortable and if I wanted to stop and if he was using too much tongue -"
"Stop! Stop right there," he exclaims, jumping up from the couch, "I believe you. I'm not sure if I ever want to sit on my couch again, but I believe you."
She gives him an evil grin in response, "he told me he loves me and wants to run away with me. We're supposed to meet at Penn Station at midnight."
He gapes at her and she starts cackling in amused laughter.
"I love messing with you."
"Between you and Rory's job, I'm going to have all gray hair before forty," he groans, "what were you trying to call her about by the way?"
She gives him a faux innocent look before confessing, "to tell her that you're being an overprotective jerk."
He releases a laugh that catches his sister by surprise.
"I guess I deserve that. I'm going to get ready. I know somewhere you will love to go for breakfast, that I will absolutely hate. Waiters sing and dance and shit."
She gasps and hops off the couch, "that sounds so cool! Okay I'm going to get ready too."
"Doula," he calls to her before she gets to the guest bathroom. She stops and looks back at him. He pauses before saying, "I love you. And I'm glad you feel comfortable with me and Rory. We're always here for you. I am an 'overprotective jerk' sometimes, and I don't think that's going to change. But I do love you."
She smiles slowly and then runs back to squeeze him in a tight hug, "I know. I love you too. Even when you're an ass."
...
After spending the weekend with Doula, and hearing from Rory that she's okay aside from some small cuts and bruised ribs, he returns to Truncheon on Monday. He spends the morning diligently working alone in his office, but when he hears the back door open at one in the afternoon, he decides to step out. Liam freezes in the hallway as Jess pushes open his office door. His eyes are wide and he looks like he's waiting to be hit. Jess just shakes his head and gives him an apologetic smile.
"Can you join me in my office for a minute?"
Liam looks over him curiously, "that depends. Is it soundproofed or will Brandon be able to hear my screams?"
Jess bites back his laugh, "you won't be screaming. Promise. The Jess that freaked out on you the other day has taken his valium and won't be surfacing any time soon."
Liam looks him over once more, then begrudgingly steps into the office. Jess follows and closes the door behind him. He grabs his chair from behind his desk and places it near the other, so that they face each other without a desk in between them. He wants everything to feel equal, to let Liam know that he's not there to just be his boss.
"I owe you an apology," Jess admits, leaning his forearms on his legs. Liam crosses his arms over his chest and gives him an awaiting look. Jess meets his eyes.
"I'm sorry for the way I treated you the other day. I should not have yelled, cursed at or threatened you. I should have handled it differently. I apologize."
Liam's posture slowly softens, and he gives him a nod.
"Thank you."
Jess nods.
"But…you can't be with my sister. She's only fifteen. And she just went through her first break up, so she's a little vulnerable and reckless right now."
Liam swallows and uncrosses his arms.
"I didn't know she was fifteen, I swear," he promises, voice and words sounding genuine, "I wouldn't have entertained any of that if I knew she was that young. She told me she just dated someone for almost two years…I just assumed she had to be my age. Who dates someone for two years starting at thirteen?!"
Jess gives him a half smile, "I believe you. But you should get in the habit of asking, especially since you're turning eighteen soon. It can go from romantic to inappropriate real quick. I know you're smart, so be smart."
He crosses his arms over his chest again but doesn't respond. Jess sits back in his chair, hands clasped together in his lap.
"Liam, why are you late to work sometimes?" he asks, and clarifies, "The honest answer, please."
He gets just an eye roll at first, but then he looks towards the floor and responds in a quiet voice.
"I have a little brother, much younger than me. He gets done kindergarten at noon, and I walk him home from school. Some days I have to do more than just get him home…depending on the whereabouts of my mother. Causes me to be late to work sometimes."
Jess takes a breath, and moves his hands to rest on the chair; needing to do something to stop memories of his own childhood creeping up.
"And, can I ask, what happens if your mom isn't…present?"
He looks up at Jess with nervous eyes, and Jess immediately puts him at ease.
"I'm not asking to get anyone in trouble, or report her or anything like that. I'm just…asking," he adds on softly, "I don't know if you've read any of my books, but I had a mom like that too."
Liam relaxes slightly and shrugs, "I bring him to the neighbors if they're home. Or I make my mom food and coffee and wait until I can tell she's with it enough to watch him. If I'm really desperate, I call a friend to come babysit."
Jess nods knowingly as he speaks. He rests his chin against his hand as he thinks. Then he asks carefully, "is that why you're considering putting college off for another year?"
"Jesus, your sister has a big mouth," Liam mutters as he runs a hand through his hair.
"So do you, apparently. Though you've only ever used it to annoy me, you seem to have opened up to my sister a lot."
He receives a grunt in response, but Liam eventually nods his confirmation.
"I can't be out of his life more than I already am."
Jess offers him an empathetic look, "You have no clue how much I understand that, Liam. I know you're going to do what feels right to you, just like I would. And there will always be a job here for you, so please never worry about that."
Liam actually gives him a small smile.
"I understand what's most important to you, and if you ever do need to come in late please just call or text me to let me know. And if you ever need to, bring your brother to work with you. He can…" Jess looks around the room and gestures to the space, "hang in my office with me or something."
His first reaction is to give Jess a look of disbelief, but then he slowly smirks, and Jess can already tell he's about to get a smart reply.
"Why? You need practice or something? I haven't seen Rory lately…is there a bun in the oven?"
Jess rolls his eyes and stands up.
"Alright, punk. Back to work," he opens the office door for him and says more seriously, "thanks for meeting with me, and for forgiving me."
He nods and as he walks out he says, "I'm sorry again about your sister. I'll keep my distance."
Jess shakes his head, "if you want to be friends, you should be friends. I won't stop that. Just keep your face away from hers."
"Hands too?"
"Get out. Go do inventory."
"Yes, Mr. Mariano."
Two days after his birthday, Jess and his sister wait impatiently at the airport for Rory to arrive. He leans against a wall in baggage claim, tapping his foot as the minutes tick by. His eyes follow Doula back and forth; she has headphones in her ears as she practices for her ballet recital through small, muted movements. She's been dancing around the apartment every night for a week, like an elegant tornado spinning and twisting. He rearranged the living room so neither she nor their furniture would sustain any injuries. Her time at ballet camp will culminate with the recital at the end of the month. While the first month with her was a bit of a roller coaster, he does feel down at the thought that she'll be back home and back to her regular life so soon. It's been nice having her youthful energy around, and doubly nice that he has had company to distract him from Rory's absence.
At the thought of Rory, his eyes cast up and around the room again searching for her. Doula spins slightly in front of his view and he taps her on the arm. She takes out one of her headphones.
"Hey, Anna Pavlova. You're dancing right through my line of vision. How am I supposed to find Rory?"
Doula shoots him a look and then turns to look around. She starts jumping up and down and pointing.
"She's right there!" she exclaims, pointing to Rory across the room. His whole body softens in relief; even knowing she was fine, there is nothing more real than seeing that in front of his own eyes. He holds the bouquet of flowers he brought for her, and they start to walk towards her, watching her say goodbyes to her coworkers. One of them holds her bag for her, and it reminds Jess of her injury; he picks up his pace. Rory turns as though to start searching the room, and then their eyes meet. They exchange deep smiles and then Rory turns and gestures for her coworker to put her bag on the floor. In a flash, Doula is running in her direction.
"Doula! Be careful!" Jess calls after her, breaking into a quick jog. But he's too late, and he watches remorsefully as Doula slams into her with a big hug. Rory visibly winces and sucks in a breath. He catches up to them, but as he goes to apologize to Rory he notices that Doula is crying against her. Rory places a hand in her hair and holds her close.
"Oh Doula, we have to stop meeting like this!" Rory jokes sweetly, "Why are you crying? Are you okay?"
She looks up to meet Jess's eyes. He mouths 'I'm sorry' to her and she gives him a small smile.
"We missed you! I thought something bad happened to you," Doula cries to her and Rory pats her back.
"I'm sorry, but I'm okay!"
Doula sniffs and pulls back, "you never called me back. That was weeks ago!"
"Doula," Jess admonishes, "she was working. I told you that. Don't make her feel bad."
"Hey Rory, hey Jess. Good to see you," her coworker Alex joins the group, shaking Jess's hand. He then holds out a familiar black sweatshirt, "Sorry I almost took your sweatshirt home with me."
Jess grins and takes it from him, "I think you mean my sweatshirt. Thank you."
Rory blushes as Jess and Alex chuckle, then noticing the young girl in the group Alex asks with furrowed brows,
"Wait, is this your daughter? I thought you didn't have kids?"
"I'm his sister," Doula clarifies, wiping the tears from her eyes and pointing to Jess.
"Oh, well that explains why you look so much like him," he nods in understanding, "nice to meet you."
"Especially when she's being deviant," Rory adds on with a wink, "they are like twins."
Alex laughs and turns to Jess then, "hey your lady is a total trooper, by the way. Aside from handling the actual danger well, she also had to share small spaces with me and a couple other sweaty dudes. She didn't throw up once."
Rory rolls her eyes and laughs, "I'm sure I was sweaty and gross at times too."
"She is incredibly strong." Jess smiles, but it's mostly forced. The other adults laugh their agreement and then Alex departs with a friendly goodbye. Jess and Rory's eyes meet again; he holds out the bouquet of roses and hydrangeas to her. She smiles wide in appreciation, and she finally steps up to him. He wraps his arms gently around her upper back as she presses herself into him. Their lips meet hastily for what was meant to be a quick kiss, but turns into a romantic display of affection.
Doula's cough of disgust breaks them apart, "Gross!"
They ignore her and look into each others eyes with loving smiles; both feeling relief and warmth buzz through them.
"I missed you," she says quietly, eyes locked on his. Instead of replying with words, he gives her a tender kiss to communicate his agreement. Then when they break apart he looks at her with an eyebrow raised.
"Alex is married, right?"
She looks confused at first but then a mocking smile appears on her face.
"Yes. Why? Feeling jealous?"
"No," he replies quickly, "just curious."
Her smile grows, "good, because it would be incredibly silly for you to feel that way."
"Oh yeah? So it shouldn't bother me that you apparently shared rooms with other guys?"
She shakes her head repeatedly.
"No, if anything, the forced proximity has somehow turned me off even more to anyone that's not you."
"Good to hear," he smirks, "did I tell you that a woman at my book signing tried to get me to go out with her and her friends for drinks after?"
Rory makes a face, "did she not read the dedication that professes your undying love for me?"
He laughs loudly and kisses her again.
"That's exactly what I asked her. And just like you, it has put me off even more towards women that aren't you."
"Look at us, matching each other in devotion," she giggles, "others can only dream about the kind of fixation we have with each other."
Jess smirks but it softens into an adoring smile. One of his hands finds her neck and he gives it a gentle pinch that puts a blissful smile on Rory's face.
"Can I have her back please?" Doula whines, "I have so many things to tell her."
They break apart at that, and Jess picks Rory's bag up off the floor. She takes the flowers from him and holds them close to her chest, "these are so beautiful, thank you."
He briefly rubs her back in response, and then replies to his sister, "Yes but be careful or I'm going to put a leash on you. You can't jump at or squeeze her. I only told you a dozen times that her ribs are still bothering her."
Doula pouts and turns to Rory, "I'm sorry. I got excited."
"It's okay, I'm excited to see you too," she wraps an arm around the girl's shoulders as they all start walking out, "and I'm sorry I couldn't return your phone calls. What did I miss?"
"I kissed a boy!" she exclaims and Rory gasps, "it was Liam! He works with Jess."
Rory gasps again, "Oh no! I know Liam…"
"Jess came home and figured it out because he claims he knows 'every trick in the book'."
"Oh my god!" Rory exclaims with her jaw dropped, "what did he do?"
Jess rolls his eyes as he listens and follows behind them. But his heart radiates with bursting love.
"He kicked Liam out! He yelled at him so bad, Rory. It would have been funny if it wasn't my fault," she explains, speaking almost as fast as a Gilmore, "and then he yelled at me!"
Rory gasps again, "uh oh! My god, I really missed a lot didn't I?"
"You did! He made me cry and then I locked myself in my room and blasted music so he couldn't sleep."
"Oh, but Jess actually-" she starts and then Jess nudges her on the back to not give away his secret, "oh, I mean, yeah. Jess hates loud music. That was clever."
"I thought so and that's the night I called you to complain. And then the next morning when I told Jess I couldn't get a hold of you I saw him cry for the first time ever!"
This time Rory's gasp is so gentle Jess barely hears it; she turns to give him a sympathetic look. He shrugs and unlocks the car as they step up to it.
"I'm sorry, it's so hard seeing Jess cry isn't it?" Rory pouts, one eye on him but words directed at Doula, "Because we love him so much we never want him to be sad."
He rolls his eyes in faux annoyance, "Jess is right here you know."
"It was hard, and super weird," Doula confirms, "and then I apologized for being sort of a brat and then he apologized for also sort of being a jerk and then he took me to the Stardust Diner!"
"Oh wow," Rory looks back and forth between them, "he must have felt really bad."
"I think he did. Anyway, let me tell you all about my ballet drama."
"Come on, let's get in the car," Jess holds the back door open for Doula, and then the passenger side for Rory.
"Ballet drama?" Rory asks once they're all in the car.
Doula huffs in frustration, "yes! There are these girls that think their purpose on earth is to be the real life Mean Girls. They're from the city and they treat me like I'm Cady from Connecticut! They ask me the rudest questions about Stars Hollow all the while trying to sabotage me so I won't make it to recital. They are so annoying!"
Jess meets her eyes in the rear view mirror, "what? You didn't tell me about them."
"No duh! Because I wanted to tell Rory. Not you. You're crazy and you would have said something to them. That's not what I want."
He gapes, "I am not crazy!"
"Tell me you wouldn't have gone out of your way to take me to ballet and say something snarky?"
He gives her another look and then sighs in reluctant agreement.
"Fine. So sorry for caring about you so much."
"You're forgiven," she says quickly, "anyway, Rory, do you think I should get revenge Cady style?"
Rory stifles a laugh and pats Jess's leg at the incredulous look on his face.
"Absolutely not. The best revenge is to just ignore her and do you. That's what I did when I had to deal with some mean girls in high school. Eventually they got in trouble and I didn't since I didn't play along. So, do that."
"Alright," Doula sighs, "I guess I'll take the high road."
"So, how did you end up kissing Liam?!" Rory asks, turning around in her seat. Jess immediately shakes his head.
"No. Please no. Discuss this alone, will you?"
Doula stage whispers, "I'll tell you later. But he was really nice to me."
"And only you," Jess mutters. Rory folds her lips to keep from laughing. She turns back in her seat as she says, "Doula, when I told you you'll find your own Jess I didn't mean for you to take that so literally!"
She makes a face and says at the same time as Jess, "gross."
"Stop it! I just mean his attitude, his humor. His general air of sarcastic misfit. And then only being nice to a girl he's into…it's teenage you, Jess. I'm sorry."
"Okay, I'm officially never going near him in that way again," Doula promises. Jess grimaces and then shrugs.
"That's a silver lining, I guess."
"I'm a little sad that Doula left to go to the movies with Brooke. And that we weren't invited. I would kill for some hot, fresh movie theater popcorn," Rory laments as she unpacks in their bedroom. Jess sits on the edge of the bed and watches every move with a hint of a smile on his face. At her words, this smile morphs into a smirk.
"Baby, that was no accident."
She pauses at her dresser and turns back to him with a growing grin.
"I should have known."
"You should have, but you're jetlagged, injured and if my calculations are correct possibly on your period too? You're allowed to not be operating at full mental strength."
She laughs and goes back to putting her things away.
"Your calculations are a little off. That starts next week."
"Oh?" he questions with a raised brow, "this evening just got much more interesting."
Standing in front of her bag again she bites her lip and tosses a shirt at him.
"Hanging out with me wouldn't have been enough?"
He grabs her hand before it goes back in her bag and brings it to his mouth for a kiss.
"Of course. I'm being silly," he releases her hand and adds, "plus, I don't want to hurt you more. I planned on keeping my hands off anyway."
She puts the last of her things away with a sigh, "it's just a couple of bruised ribs. There's nothing you could do to them. And it hurts just to breathe, so there's no avoiding pain. Don't hold out on me."
She walks over to him and stands between his legs with a pout. His mouth lifts high on one side as she wraps her arms around his neck. He holds her face and gives her a soft kiss.
"I have something planned for us. Come on."
She steps back to let him stand up, and he takes her hand to guide her.
She follows him curious but wordless from their apartment, to the stairwell, and then in the direction of the roof. He pushes open the door to the rooftop, and ushers her towards a blind corner of it. When she sees the spot he's taking her, she gasps. It's cozy, with blankets, cushions and even beach chairs sitting out. There are strings of twinkling lights surrounding the pseudo-room, and a white projector screen propped up on a tripod in front of it. She squeals in delight when she notices an old school popcorn cart bursting with hot, fresh kernels.
"Oh my god! Our very own movie theater," she exclaims as she turns to Jess with a huge smile on her face. He grins at her excitement.
"Yep. Much better than going with Brooke and Doula, right?"
"Much more romantic," she nods swiftly, "but what is it for? Your birthday was two days ago, why would you plan anything for me? I should have planned something for you."
He gives her a look, "as if you coming home isn't more important than my stupid birthday."
"Your birthday is important to me!" she argues, and reaches around to pull something out of her back pocket, "speaking of, here. Happy birthday. I picked this up in Ukraine. I…didn't have a lot of options for gifts, I'm sorry. I hope you like it."
He looks down at the book in his hands with an intrigued look, "Is this Bukowski's Postman translated in Ukrainian?"
She crosses her arms over her chest and nervously moves a piece of hair out of her face.
"Yes, I know you can't read it, but I thought it would be a cool addition to your collection?"
He gives her a look full of appreciation, "That's so cool, Rory. I love it."
She relaxes and he gives her a tender kiss.
"Thank you, baby," he whispers, his hand ghosting over her shoulder and down her arm. His fingers catch on an unexpected rough spot in her skin, and his eyes turn to it. He frowns as he sees the remnants of a healed cut, striking an angry line across her otherwise untainted forearm. He runs his thumb over it.
"No stitches anywhere, right?" he mumbles, eyes now browsing all over any exposed skin as he searches for other markings. His eyes shoot up to hers as he feels her hand on his cheek.
"No stitches. I told you. Small cuts and bruised ribs. I'm practically the picture of health."
His eyes wander over her once more before the side of his mouth quirks up.
"Until you go over there and devour your weight in popcorn and candy, you mean."
Her jaw drops, "there's candy too?! What are we waiting for, let's go!"
Jess follows her and tells her to sit down. He fills a large bowl with popcorn for her, and grabs a few boxes of candy. She accepts it all happily, and starts snacking. He watches her with so much love in his heart before taking a seat next to her.
"Want some wine?" he asks as he pulls a chilled white bottle of wine from a small cooler. She is hit then with a memory and starts to get lost in it, but nods in the affirmative.
"Yes, please."
She stares with a grin on her face as he pours her a glass in an accident friendly metal wine tumbler. She thinks about how different this date is to the other one. He holds it out to her, but noticing her hands are full of food he places it in the cup holder of her beach chair. She watches still as he pours his own cup and then sits back in his seat.
"Almost Famous okay?"
Her attention snaps back to the present and she frowns at him.
"You're kidding? That's not a projector movie! Projectors are for classics only."
His tantalizing smirk slowly appears and she realizes he's messing with her. She playfully tosses a piece of popcorn at him and giggles when he actually catches it in his mouth.
"How about The Philadelphia Story?" he asks, as he leans back to get the projector remote.
She gasps, "my favorite!"
He presses play and winks at her, "you don't say?"
"Jess…" she says in a touched tone, and she reaches a hand out to his arm, "this is so thoughtful."
He grins and takes her hand in his after placing the remote down.
"Welcome home, Rory."
She weakens at his words, and turns back to watch the movie so he doesn't see the tears forming in her eyes. He already is her home, and then he goes above and beyond to make her first night back extra special in exactly the ways that she would love. Not a fancy restaurant, not a gourmet dinner on the rooftop, not going to bars or nightclubs. No expensive gifts from designers she can't even pronounce. Just time with him, doing something they both love in a special place. And she thinks about how good it does feel to be home and with him. Being the first day back, she knows there is that weird but natural question buzzing in her head of why do I ever leave home in the first place? Like anyone would have returning from a long, arduous trip in an unfamiliar place. But this thought goes beyond that, beginning her to peek into an image of what a more settled life could look like.
"What are you thinking about?"
The enticing sound of Jess's low, attentive voice shakes her from her thoughts. She turns her head slightly to see him scrutinizing her with curiosity. She half shrugs and replies with a little uncertainty,
"I'll let you know when I know."
His eyes search hers.
"You okay?"
"Yes. Just…thinking over some life choices."
He frowns slightly, "That's a dangerous game."
She holds and squeezes his hand.
"I'm not questioning you and me."
"I didn't think so," he replies with a gentle smile.
She returns his smile and squeezes his hand again.
"This might be the best date ever. It's definitely the best rooftop date I've ever had."
One side of his face lifts in amusement, "so there have been others?"
Red lightly tints her cheeks, "just one. And this is a thousand times better and also way different."
He bites his lip in thought and then clicks his tongue.
"Let me guess. It involved white linen, overpriced wine, and a blonde dick?"
She rolls her eyes but can't stifle the laugh that comes out of her.
"I see I've hit the nail on the head," he teases, and then quells his smirk, "I'm sure you enjoyed it at the time."
She nods reluctantly, "At the time, yes. I thought it was romantic. But I was wrong because this…." she says as her eyes wander around the space, "this is actually romantic."
His thumb traces her knuckles, and reading between her words he responds kindly, "everyone changes, Rory. You don't have to squash or write over the person you used to be."
She's caught off guard by this heavy remark, and she has to swallow to mentally consume it.
"Every version of you is beautiful. Because they all include you."
She bites her cheek to keep her eyes from burning with tears, his words hitting much closer to home than he even realizes.
"You too, Jess. I love every version of you. Including the one that acted like Liam…don't think I didn't see the face you made when I said that earlier."
His face changes to one of alert, and then one of being unmasked. He only nods in response.
"Have you ever had a date on a rooftop before?" she asks, turning the conversation to more playful topics. He exhales a breath and sits back in his chair again; a hand rubs at the back of his neck.
"Not a date, per se."
She squints, "I'm going to need more details."
He looks at her and then looks back at the projector screen. She squeezes his hand to communicate that she's still waiting.
"I've…done things on roofs with girls before. It was an easy place to get privacy as a teenager in New York."
Her jaw drops, "you had sex on a roof?!"
He throws his hands up, "I did not say sex. Just make out sessions and…wandering hands. I'm just saying, they were not dates. There was no thought put into it other than 'I'd really like to kiss this girl without my drunk mother interrupting or scaring her away'."
She relaxes and smiles, "Good, I was about to be jealous in an ugly way."
"Really? Because sometimes jealousy is cute on you. Maybe I should give you more details."
She hits him playfully, "don't poke the bear."
His eyebrow raises and she quickly adds, "and don't make a dirty joke about that saying!"
A laugh bubbles from his chest, and then he smirks again as his eyes rake over her. He moves from the chair to his knees on top of the blankets and pillows that he laid out. He carefully takes the popcorn bowl from her hands and places it on the ground. She watches him with anticipation as he pushes back the top blanket, and she just realizes there is some sort of thin mattress underneath. Her eyes snap to his.
"I thought you weren't planning on having sex with me?"
"Not the kind you're thinking of. Come here," he urges her, waving her over to the space next to him. She crawls carefully from her seat to the makeshift bed. He smooths a hand across the navy blue sheets that he put on the bed earlier, signaling to her to lie down. She inches her body down the mattress until she's lying flat. Jess moves his body close to hers without putting any weight on it. He looks down at her, running his fingers through her hair. His eyes move to her lips and he leans down to lock his mouth with hers. He kisses her deeply until he needs air. As he pulls away, he sees her take a sharp breath and flinch.
He frowns, "Shit, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she replies assuredly, "it's unavoidable, honestly."
He chews on his lip and then looks her body over.
"I wanted to…have my favorite snack," he admits tilting his head towards her hips, "but if breathing heavy hurts, I don't think I should."
"Here? On the roof?" she asks with a tone of intrigue. He looks at her face and nods. She bites her bottom lip hard; her eyes darken and focus on his mouth.
"I would be okay with that."
His face falls slightly, "But Rory, your ribs -"
"Please, Jess," she begs with wide eyes, "you got me all excited now."
His eyes shoot to her legs which are pressing against each other. He hesitates for just another moment, and then smirks at her.
"Okay, but be honest about your pain, please? If it's too much, I need you to tell me."
"I promise."
He places another kiss on her mouth. He inches down her body and lifts her top to place kisses on her stomach while he works her shorts off with his hands. He keeps her covered with a blanket, just in case anyone in a taller building can see. He settles between her legs, the blanket now over his head and resting at her waist. Rory moves her hand to under the blanket, fingers searching for him. He finds it, and they clasp their hands together. They stay that way as his tongue glides through her lips. A rumbling, deep moan moves through her at the contact; it feels like forever since they've been together in this way. She can feel that beautiful crooked smile she loves pressed against her, and then he starts working his tongue in delicate circles around her swollen clit. Her fingers grip his hand harder, and he takes it as a sign to give her more. He uses his whole mouth to suck and nibble at her throbbing bud, making her breathing become more labored. Her mind and body are sent into overdrive as a delirious combination of pleasure and pain buzz through her. The mix of sounds of the city beneath them, her favorite film playing in the background, and Jess's passionate, consuming kisses between her legs have her completely overwhelmed in the best way. She's suddenly at the edge of her climax. Her heart is on fire with mad love and as a current of divine pleasure and emotions course through her she cries out an, "I love you" to the man making her feel so many beautiful things (wanted, loved, desired, missed. Welcomed home.)
At her words, Jess finds her other hand beneath the blanket so he's holding both. Her face is hot as her hips roll through every tremor of pleasure. Tears rush to her eyes at both the pain and heightened emotions. She pulls her hands from his to hold her face as her body calms. His palms skim over her legs and hips as he crawls carefully up to sit next to her again.
"Rory…are you okay?" he asks softly, smoothing his hand over the top of her head. With her face still in her hands, she nods in confirmation. He places one of his hands on top of hers and she finally moves them away. He frowns when he sees her tear-stained face.
"What's wrong?"
She shakes her head and gives him a somber smile, "This night, and the way you make me feel is so…perfect."
His features soften, his eyes look over her.
"And I've been running on adrenaline for so many days. I'm…decompressing too, I think."
"I understand," he says gently but can't stop the urge to ask again, "are you really okay?"
She nods her head, but as her eyes fill up again she shakes it.
"I don't know," she confesses.
Jess holds her hand in his, his face screws up slightly at the emotional tug of war she seems to be feeling inside.
She continues, "This trip was…much more difficult than the first couple. And I'm not complaining because it's what I wanted. But…even though this is something I wanted to do, and chose to do, doesn't mean I won't be affected by it. Does that make sense?"
His features soften and he nods quickly, "Of course, Rory."
She looks back at him, and he sees wariness. He tries again,
"Would you…expect a parent to always be happy and have their shit together when raising a kid they chose to have? Did you ever feel guilty complaining about your workload at Chilton or Yale because you chose to go there?"
Her face softens slightly with ease. He squeezes her hand.
"I know it's not exactly the same but, what I'm saying is - of course you're affected and of course you're allowed to be. I hope you're not trying to keep a brave face for my sake."
She gnaws at her bottom lip and wipes her eyes.
"You don't have to be so strong," he repeats words to her that he's said before and her breath catches in her chest at the reminder, "No one expects you to walk amongst chaos and tragedy and come out of it unscathed just because it's your job. I would never want you to compartmentalize your life like that. Please don't do that."
His tone unravels her easily, and she wipes more tears from her eyes before admitting more to him.
"I'm dealing with that stuff on my mind. And then today at the airport, when I saw Doula and she cried in my arms because she was worried about me. It made me realize just how different things will need to be when we have kids. Because…I can never to do that to them. It's not fair."
He makes a face and holds her hand to his chest.
"I'm sorry she did that. I don't know why she did. I told her that you're okay."
"It's okay, Jess," Rory promises with a small smile, "and I'm sure she just needed to see it to really believe it. Just like you."
The side of his mouth perks up; nothing gets past her, and he loves that. His fingers find her hair again, resting there as he leans forward to gently place his lips on hers.
"Any idea how many more trips you'll take?"
She knows that his words mean specifically Ukraine, but her mind has zoomed out on to the bigger picture of her work as she responds, "I'm not sure."
Their eyes meet, and as he looks intently at her, she thinks he might see that budding thought somewhere in her. She turns her gaze to look around her and changes the subject.
"Who set this up? It couldn't have been you."
He follows her eyes, "I paid Brandon to do it."
"Really? He did a great job."
"Yeah," Jess nods and runs a hand through his hair, "he's the most reliable person at Truncheon. Besides Brooke, but I already had asked her the favor of taking Doula to the movies."
Rory smiles and holds his hand, "you trust him. I'm sure he appreciates that."
He shrugs, and then thinking about his sister he says, "God, living with a teenager is hard though. Much different than working with one."
"You were one once," she chuckles.
"Yeah, and I was a huge pain. I really sympathize with Luke now."
"The Doula stuff really took you by surprise, huh?"
"I feel stupid but, yes."
"Don't feel stupid. They are clever, those teenagers," she teases with a wink, "I'm sure you know that from personal experience."
He releases a short laugh and considers that. Then looks at her peculiarly.
"Not you though. You weren't like that."
She shrugs, "just a little bit. Skipping school to see you in New York was probably the height of my teenage rebellion."
The look on his face turns moony as he smiles softly and says, "that's promising."
She returns his dreamy smile, and thinking about him as a father has her thinking about someone else too.
"Hey, did Jimmy call you on your birthday?"
He nods and sits up to grab his phone from nearby.
"He called me. And he emailed me a gift, with a quote from the end of his chapter from my book in the body. So I guess he finally read it. Want to see?"
"Of course," she sits up, careful to make sure her lap is still covered. Jess hands her his phone and she reads the email:
"I don't know what it takes to climb that mountain. And I don't know if you will ever see the other side. But at least maybe you can live with yourself if you try to traverse it, and earn some respect along the way. After all, aren't the weariest travelers the most easily welcomed?"
I hear you, Jess. I'm prepared to keep trying.
I hope you have a happy birthday, son. Your birthday gift is attached, from me and Sasha.
"That's nice, Jess," she says softly and looks up at him, "what's the gift?"
He laughs, "actually, it's tickets to a preview of Almost Famous before it goes to broadway."
Rory's eyes widen, "oh wow. But…broadway? A musical?"
"I know," Jess chuckles with a shrug, "half of that gift is very thoughtful. The other half is the reason I'm giving the tickets to Liz and Doula. I'm sure they will love it."
She laughs and hands his phone back to him, "I'm just glad he's keeping his promises."
Jess nods softly in agreement.
"He asked about you. Well, he always does. But he asked again when he can meet you."
She takes a breath and leans back to rest on her hands.
"Does he know that it's up to you?"
"I think in a way he does."
She looks up at him with a sympathetic smile, "I'll never rush you. Whenever you're ready."
He returns her look and glides his fingers softly down her arm.
"I know. Thank you. It's hard for me to let him in that closely."
She nods in understanding.
"But I'm trying."
"I know, Jess."
He looks down at their entwined hands with a pensive look.
"I want to though. It might be nice to…have him around in the future."
Her eyes are wide and sweet with love for him as she says again, "I know, Jess."
"I am surprised he remembered that I like that movie. I'm sure I only mentioned it once to him."
"That's good," she smiles softly, "that means he's been thinking about you for a long time. That's nice."
Jess regards her somewhat wistful smile and asks, "does…Christopher know what's going on in your life?"
She looks down at her lap and shrugs.
"We talked. Back in April, he called me for Easter. Which is weird because we aren't very religious and I'm not five years old," she tries to joke, looking up at Jess with a small smile, "I told him where I was. He asked if he could take you and me out to dinner the next time I'm back. I said I would think about it."
"Me? He wants to take me too?"
"Apparently."
"Does he know that I work out almost five days a week and will not think twice about punching him in the face?"
Rory bites her lip to try and stop an amused laugh from escaping her. She shakes her head.
"I don't think I want to do it, anyway. Work is stressful enough, I want to enjoy all the time I get at home this year. Not worry about what stupid thing he's going to say to you or me if given the chance."
"Okay. If you change your mind, I'll go with you. Would be nice to hear him grovel, if that's his intention."
She shrugs, "thanks. I don't really want to hear him grovel though. I'm kinda over it. I'll always love him and I know he loves me. Maybe that's enough for us."
Jess brings his free hand to cup her cheek before kissing her, letting her know nothing else needs to be said. He cuddles her body closer to his and turns back to watch the movie with her.
Barely a minute passes before Rory speaks again.
"Speaking of loving someone no matter what…I was right about you and Doula, wasn't I?"
He turns to meet her eyes, confusion evident on his face. She grins.
"About her adoring you no matter what. Something happened, you yelled at her, you fought with her. And guess what…it's all good. Just like I said it would be."
Jess takes a breath and his lips perk up. He leans in to give her an appreciative kiss.
"You were right."
"I know," she smiles wider but it softens as she says, "I know because I know your heart, and so does she. And I know I've told you that before, but I'll keep telling you. Everything you do comes from a place of love and care. You'll never mess up any relationship beyond repair if you're always leading with that."
Her words tug wonderfully at his heart, filling him with overwhelming love. His eyes wander over her; she sees the golden specks shining in the light from the projector screen. She places a hand on his face and looks between his eyes.
"I know what you want and I want it too. We can go slow."
He hesitates and murmurs, "I really don't want to hurt you."
Her mouth forms a mix of a sad and sweet smile.
"I think it would be healing, actually."
And that's what does it for him; her words squeeze his heart and simultaneously make him twitch. He moves his body over hers and tugs his clothes down under the blanket, pushing them into a pile somewhere on the mattress. His right hand gently holds her hip, while he bends and frames one side of her face with his left arm. He's already hard for her; his whole body ignited with love, attraction, and relief at having her home again. He watches her face closely as he enters her; searching for any sign of discomfort. But he only sees the same relief reflected in her eyes that he feels all over. And as he thrusts in and out, soft and steady, he can't conceal any cracks of vulnerability. He repeatedly whispers, 'I missed you' between gentle, deep kisses. But it's the words he mutters, just before he plummets into a gratifying end inside of her, that makes Rory feel a rush of emotions again - 'you're home, you're safe. I love you'.
Her chest heaves with love as she watches every twitch of his beautiful features succumb to total pleasure above and around her -his hips stilled against hers and right hand clenching her body tighter, his crooked mouth frozen half open and half in a smile. His words repeat like a lulling mantra in her head; and the seed of change that's already been planted is watered over and over again as 'you're home' showers her all over with its promising warmth.
AN: I know I've said this before but I swear I mean it this time! there are four or less chapters until we're at the one shot. i'm excited and hope you are too.
would it be incredibly annoying if I post future chapters (after we get to the one shot timing) to "We'll Always Have Paris" instead of here? I kind of like the idea of them being separate collections. it's essentially two different periods of their lives together in my head. tell me if you hate that idea, I won't be offended and I'll figure it out!