'I took a bit of the apple for love. I want to not love you anymore and bury this pain. I want my heart to forget you.I want to be like you, I want to be the strong one.'

Jesse & Joy

Just what in the world had she gotten herself into… again? It wasn't yet enough the first time she'd put herself in an uncomfortable situation. But this one was rather huge and somehow more dangerous…

Shinobu could feel her body trembling as she hesitated to go inside the school's infirmary, her fingers, which were already pale, clawed at the straps of her backpack, as if she wanted to break them. Tamayo sensei was waiting for their usual Monday tutoring. She was taking more than just her medical tools with her today, she was carrying the weight of a lie on her shoulders, and she always had to get herself together before interacting with someone else, in order to avoid conversations she didn't want to have. 'Let's just get it over with…' the sooner she'd get it off her chest, the better.

"As punctual as always, Kochō-san, welcome" her medical sensei was going through some paperwork and she only looked up at her when she's closed the door behind her, and she was thankful for that, she used those seconds to put on her usual unbothered grin before facing her teacher.

"Thank you, sensei…" she sat in front of Tamayo's desk as usual, determined and yet forcing herself to have this awkward, but somewhat urgent conversation. "I have… a type of request to ask of you…"

Tamayo sensei raised her eyebrows at her sudden plea, Shinobu wasn't really a propositional type of student, she was more reserved. "I'm already invested in whatever you have to ask, Kochō-san"

"I'm thinking of conducting a medical study…" c'mon, the last part of the sentence couldn't get stuck in her throat for so long, that was suspicious! "…with Tomioka sensei…" she almost spat that out, great, after years of perfecting her act, she had to let herself down with something as simple as a talk!

"…Do you think he's the type of person willing to participate in medical research, Kochō San? He's rather a loner I'd say…" her tutor wasn't wrong, Tomioka sensei wouldn't have joined in her plan if it had been like she was saying.

"I talked it over with him last week, he's more than willing, Tamayo sensei!" she assured her sunnily, and that would've been the only easy part from the process, because mentioning that was the only thing that was true.

"Uh, remarkable, only someone like you could've gotten Tomioka sensei out of his shell. Now tell me what it is you're wanting to study with him?" the doctor finally let her documents aside, giving Shinobu all the attention she hadn't asked for.

"Well, sensei has decided to teach us self-defense for P.E class; and you know body combat can get pretty ugly at times, I think this would be a great opportunity to learn about the most delicate areas of the body and how to treat wounds and injuries associated with physical attacks…" awesome, that came out with no stuttering from her.

Tamayo's gazed sharpened on the documents she held on her hands and she briefly looked up to her student which forced the young girl to hold in her breath for a while…

"… are major injuries to be expected from this class, Kochō san?" dang, was she already getting Tomioka sensei in trouble?!

"Any sort of physical activity can end in injury if not performed appropriately, sensei, but Tomioka sensei is an expert. He has it all planned out…" it wasn't him who was playing with, the most of the, fire. Of course not. Shinobu looked down at her hands to avoid sounding too excited about what her P.E teacher knew or did "Besides, that's the whole point of the research! You are the head of the medical unit of the school, I can serve as the doctor for my class in case there's an emergency while you take care of everyone else in the Academy, as always!"

"You are looking forward to doing pre-professional internships, Kochō san, is that it?" Shinobu had avoided practicing medicine on her own without the supervision of Tamayo sensei, even when she had encouraged her to, that could've seemed out of the ordinary to her tutor as well. She simply and drily nodded, avoiding having to mutter another word that would leave her intentions exposed. "Well then, I support the idea. How is it that you're going to conduct this?" she determined with a bright smile, spreading it to her student in the meanwhile.

"I'm gonna have to spend some after school hours with Tomioka sensei so we can go over the anatomy of the attacks and possible danger zones of the moves and tactics he'll teach in class… so, I'll be spending Tuesday and Thursday afternoons with him instead of your office."

"Seems about enough time… what does Kanae-san think about this?" … that was to be expected, Tamayo sensei was a mother, and she concerned herself with her family as if she was their own mother. She'd had a great relationship with the Kochōs themselves before the tragedy, it was only natural she'd get so invested…

"I haven't told her yet, sensei, I wanted to be sure you'd be on board before I let nee-san know about this, you know how she's busy, wouldn't want to bother her with just anything…"

"Uh, I would've thought you'd wanted to talk it out with her first, you've always been so close…" her sensei was right, again, and every time she made a point that put her plan in risk, it felt like a bullet piercing through her anxious chest.

"Nee-san has been awfully stressed lately, with Kanao and her students… the gardening club and all the rest…" she could feel her nape starting to sweat.

"Oh, is she… having issues with Shinazugawa-san again?" great! An escape route on the conversation for her.

"They haven't gotten back together, no… but with everything that's happened, sensei, I'm not really sure nee-san has gotten over it all. She already has so much on her plate, and I need to start thinking about my future more formally… so practicing is the first step, as you've told me…"

"… I still can't believe you'll be off to college so soon, I'll miss you for sure…" Tamayo San gave her a warm and proud smile "Nothing more to say, dear, you have my approval for the project and I'm excited to see your conclusions on it… and I'm also thrilled for Tomioka sensei to interact with something other than his own lunchbox" she woke up from her desk to get their lesson started as Shinobu giggled freely, the pressure on her chest being released by her mentor's support.

"He could really benefit from having more human companions… I think… both of us could… in the name of science of course!" that one was close!

"You're brilliant, Kochō Shinobu, and we're all so very proud of you. Your parents would be amazed by your maturity and hunger for learning" sensei patted her back gently; the tugging of her chest came back, the corner of her lips threatening to become a grimace, the sensation wasn't anxiety anymore, now it was pain… well, the hunger for learning was a part of the plan for sure… "Why don't get have some fun today? Let's get into pharmacology, you'll be sick of anatomy and wound care by the end of your project…"

"It's too early for birthday gifts, sensei, but I'll accept this one in order to not disrespect you!" She almost jumped from her seat getting everything ready.

Tamayo sensei had picked up some things about Shinobu, one of them being that she was more passionate on pharmacology more than any other medical branch of study, and also… that she felt lonely, pressured, and after her only and biggest love affair, that had ended so tragically, she had given up on having regular teenage experiences; she seemed excited on her project, the least she could do for her was to encourage her.

There were certain stages of her plan to go through, she thought writing down numbers in her notebook, with no explanation to them; the first would've been getting Tomioka sensei to be willing to help her, check, the tightness on her chest being set a little lose with that initial step taken that had been done with no major making up of context.

Second, excusing herself from her medical training sessions two days a week, it had taken more from her than she thought, but she managed to make it through. Now she was just hoping Tamayo – sensei didn't ask to much about the process, she certainly could brush off anything she wouldn't be able to answer by gossiping about whatever strange quirks she'd notice from Tomioka- sensei; her tutor seemed interested with it…

Third, making sure Kanae didn't suspect she was missing training sessions with Tamayo sensei. She simply moved some strings there; her older sister's gardening club didn't have any activities planned for Tuesday or Thursday. She'd simply told her that she would be carrying a science project during P.E class and that Mitsuri-chan would be helping her, no further details needed. The always present risk of her finding out made her reluctantly write a dash next to that item on the list, her teeth finding her lower lip reminding her to not be careless with that problematic section.

And lastly, finding time to write the report her tutor was hoping to see at the end of her study. It didn't have to be that difficult, she'd just look into her classmates' performance during class, take some mental notes and carry her miniature first aid kit with her to the sports court, it was so cute.

She could almost taste the excitement of seeing the first cut, or injury on one of the students she could treat. And speaking of cuts or injury's, a perfect first victim of such incidents would've been stupid Gyutaro who kept kicking her chair with the tip of his foot, desperate to go get into trouble as soon as school was over. To no one's surprise, the hooligan sitting behind her was thoroughly enjoying Tomioka sensei's risky class, but he refused to follow the teacher's instructions; for him to hurt himself because of his own foolishness, it would have been an almost poetic stroke of karma.

So, number four on her list would remain unmarked until the end of her training against pervert sessions… her finger pushed the pens cap once, twice, three times… she'd written more complex things before, if she just saw it like it was any other school project, she could make it through… and not making it wasn't an option.

The school bell rang marking the end of Tuesday's last period, and Shinobu's blood ran cold, it meant she'd had to meet Tomioka sensei soon and avoid making herself look foolish for asking such favors from him, him, her stomach twisted with the thought… but she'd purely asked him for help from a place of admiration of his skills, right?

"Shinobu-chan, my parents asked if you could find some time to help me with chemistry before midterms… is there any possibility?" Mitsuri asked while she and the rest of the class got ready to tidy everything up before leaving.

Damn, she hated lo let her best girl down, and if she made up an excuse that would be one more story she'd have to make up, her fingers tightened around the notebook she held, concentrating her whole body's tension in her hands, hoping she wouldn't notice her skin slightly changing color form the pressure… she could surely find a time and way to help… she always did!

"Uh, well, I'll call you when I'm free so we can talk over whatever you need help with!" she assured her with her regular gleeful expression.

"…don't you always get back home around 6 or 7 after Tamayo sensei's tutoring?" great, she hadn't expected lying to her best friend would be the toughest part of it all.

"We're conducting a study, Mitsuri-chan, we'll be taking a little longer during these next few months… uh, month, maybe just weeks hehe…" she looked down and placed a strand of her hair behind her right ear, as if that slight move could distract the other girl from her strange gibbering. "It's important I get to practicing before starting college…"

"Ah, man, there you are making big plans while I'm here thinking if I'll even get to graduate… At this rate I have more faith on getting married than getting my diploma!" she knew her tones well enough to guess she was about to break down and cry.

"Now, now, there's no need to make a big fuss about this, kay?" she gave her the handkerchief she always carried around for her, yup, after being friends for so long she knew she always had to have some snacks and tissues handy for her. "Try going over the material yourself and have specific questions to ask me when I'm done with my afternoon class, how about that?"

"You're an angel, Shinobu-chan! I wonder how I'll do without you if I do get into college!" she patted dry the crocodile tears that had managed to run down her cheeks.

"You'll do great with whatever it is you choose to do, I know you will!" Mitsuri had some upper hands for herself that, somehow, she didn't really notice; she was eye candy, adorably peculiar, had charm and her physical strength and resistance were unmatched… unlike her shorter, thinner, best friend, she had ways to stay out of trouble.

"Maybe, but I wish I was as smart as you! Then, I would have thousands of options with what to do next…" on the taller girl's side, she envied how delicate and witty Shinobu was; a perfect little lady, who could keep a mature, interesting conversation without making silly sounds or remarks… bet any boy would've felt God's favorite if she'd give them a chance. Well, anyone that wasn't her ex-boyfriend, but they didn't talk about him anymore…

"Believe me, Mitsuri-chan… my own hands aren't as untied as you think…" she let herself sigh and lose the act for a second, knowing she'd have much to keep hiding in the next days.

Her hands went up to her soft pink braids, tugging them in distress "Oh, God, right! I'm so sorry! It's just that you seem to always have it all under control, that was terribly insensitive, wasn't it?!" of course Shinobu didn't have it easy or had all of the options of paths to follow in life…

"That's quite alright, I know what you meant… and thanks for the compliment; now let's get to work before we're late to the clubs…" she hummed lightly while having the weight of her own words place one more layer of angst on her chest; there were just some things in life she couldn't free herself from, no matter how well she played her part.

The air felt thicker on the way to the sports court, the silence was almost unbearable, she briefly wished there was a crowd of her usual noisy teenager classmates around, that they wouldn't have to be so alone so she could talk freely about what she needed from her teacher, making it just a little less of a secret, making it seem like not so big of a deal.

Some weird dizziness attacked her when seeing the messy yet silky mass of black hair getting closer and closer to her, his slight figure turned back at her giving her a chance to catch a deep breath before having to start to take out some bricks of the wall she had built around herself…

"Good afternoon, sensei… and thank you again for helping me with this" she didn't expect him to give a slight jump from hearing her already behind him "Haha, c'mon, sensei! Sharpen your senses, you didn't feel me coming to you?" the few times of the day when she could give people a genuine smile was like a breath of fresh air.

"… I'm usually alone after class, Kochō-san… haven't had the need to be alert here, but good observation…" he finally turned to face her student, and Shinobu felt like he was going in slow motion for a second, the sunlight caressing his fair complexion, giving his eyes a superficial glow they didn't have naturally from within "… before anything… are you absolutely sure no one's been forcing themselves on you lately?"

She looked down instinctively, biting the inside of her cheek she managed to only shake her head, her fingers tied on her back, as if she was being scolded for something she had done wrong…

"Does Kochō-sensei know about this?" he had to be so correct and ruly? Why was everyone asking so many questions that day?

"She has an idea…" she had to give herself a spare second to make the conversation turn and not having to keep her sister in thought "… this is just such a delicate matter, sensei, and my onee-san has so much on her plate already, I'm old enough to handle this on my own… and anyways, no one else could deal with it for me, isn't that right?"

"Why would you trust me with this then?" … yeah, why, Shinobu? Why was this suddenly so important? Had his speech on how absolute vulnerability was dangerous that rose terrors she thought she had buried? Had it been the frustration of never being able to fight back? Why did she have to make so many excuses on something that needed to be kept in the past?

"Because you don't seem to make a big fuss out of anything, sensei… I'm needing someone I can… talk to about this without having them see me like a tainted porcelain doll; and someone who can show me how to move past this, I don't want this to be what defines me forever… there's got to be another side of the coin" she untwined her hands and brought them to hold down her uniform skirt, not because of nervousness but because of anger. "And you see potential in my weak attempts of defending myself… I don't want to be a victim that just accepts a downfall anymore."

Giyuu sighed, his mind bringing back the image of two young boys he had known that had wanted to change the outcome of the past as well, they'd gotten even more damaged in the way… a whole in his chest also reminded him that no matter what some things just had to be let go of… But Kochō wasn't focusing on the past and on what she couldn't do then, she was thinking of what she could do different if there was ever the need; and he needed to make sure that she was ready to face the situation for what it was.

"I hope you don't mind me asking… what happened?" the teacher sat on the bleachers trying to relax his posture to show that he was willing to listen and understand. Of the things he learned in therapy, one in particular resonated strongly with things he had learned the hard way before: in order to deal with a difficult situation, one had to be able to understand the seriousness of the event, and the feelings it provoked. To handle a risky situation, one had to measure the degree of danger, and make it inversely proportional to the emotional reaction.

The younger girl would've been lying, to herself this time, if she'd convinced herself that she wouldn't have to tell him the details, but his body language being slightly informal for a while warmed her up on the inside a little bit. If she didn't want this to weight so heavy on her anymore, she had to start speaking about it freely. "Well, it happened four years ago…" it felt only natural to sit beside him, not too close not too far.

"I was seeing someone… he was older… he got into lots of trouble, but I was so easily impressed back then, he seemed interesting somehow…" she let her arms fall behind her holding her up to watch the sky as she spoke, not letting her words become heavy… but light as water droplets becoming cloud forming steam "it wasn't really a secret what I had with him, I just knew my family wouldn't approve of it because of age difference and well… having it be that he wasn't what you'd call a respected member of society…"

Kocho seemed suddenly not to bothered to say out loud things no one would typically share with a teacher, Tomioka was good at listening not speaking, so he was glad that she had so much to say and that she was feeling confident in letting him know.

"My parents… heard noises of him climbing through my bedroom window one night… it was a mess; I'd never seen them so angry… Nee-san had to put in a good word for me with them, I had no way to excuse myself; she knew and she had tried to persuade me to leave him, I didn't think it was that big of a deal… until…"

Somehow, he knew what she was going to say, because somehow life always made it for tragedy to strike once everything was complicated enough, like grunting from a volcano announcing an eruption, his eyebrows fell to the side, a tugging on his chest arose.

"He climbed through my window two nights after the funeral… the house still smelled of incense, Nee-san wouldn't have heard him coming because she cried herself to sleep for months…" she wasn't looking up anymore, she was staring at nothing, she was replaying the scene inside her head "His arms felt warm for a while, it wasn't my first time but I didn't need that from him that night… he insisted…" Giyuu's hand turned into a fist involuntarily.

"I tried turning away but he was just so much bigger than me, strong, I had… fallen for him somehow because of that, because he was all I could never be, powerful in every way, absolutely careless…" there was no need for her to be so detailed about it, but looking back into it something's were just starting to make sense as she talked about it out loud "and then… he said that we should… be glad they wouldn't be around anymore to stop him…" she grunted those words out.

"My limbs were all pinned to the bed, his elbow kept my arm in place and he covered my mouth with his hand and held down my own hands with the other free one, I did try to fight back… but I was nothing against him." Her chest started to fall forward, now trying to cover herself from the memory.

"I wasn't even feeling what he was doing because I was enraged, the one thing I admired from him was now used against me… he got too comfortable and thought I was tugging my hair, like giving up, when…" she undid her bun taking off the butterfly pin that always flipped its wings as she walked by, she showed him the top and then turned it upside down showing a sharp end to the long piece that was the head, a needle. "It was still a prototype back then; I had planned to keep a little sedative here in case I ever come across someone with a serious wound that needed numbing. I like my medical instruments to have personality... what better way to use my family symbol"

"It couldn't have knocked him down though…" he was surprised he even got to mutter those words out, what she described was like a soap opera scene… and heavens had he seen some drama in his own life too. Kochō shook her head.

"But the impact made him scream and my sister got there in time to fight him… don't ever get on her nerves, sensei, she was strong enough to put up a fight and buy us some time in getting help…" she used her hair to hide her face for a second, taking a chance to process everything she'd just had to recall… although it felt lighter this time around, thankfully.

"I'm very sorry… for everything" it was the most basic, impersonal answer to give someone after they'd opened up about such personal things… but the teacher wasn't trying to hide the fact he lacked social skills…

"It's in the past, sensei…" she sighed and saw him become a bit flustered? Through the corner of her eye. "but I appreciate it…"

"… I might know a thing or two about dealing with troublemakers…" he said this with a lost look, going through the files of his memory that he had tried to hide.

"I noticed the cuts… you must've had it tough growing up…" clever, very, for someone her age… most of teenagers were wrapped up in their thirst to live their own lives to the fullest.

"Uhm… yes" but this wasn't about him, she didn't need to know about his own trauma… "I lost my parents being very young and … I made bad decisions…" although something within him, and said something had the voice of his therapist, was telling him that he should reciprocate her honesty to make her feel somewhat more comfortable?

"You? The pinnacle of morals, sensei?" she said so remembering how he'd given Kanao's classmates hell for not following school protocol.

"Yes… that's why the cuts are there, I wasn't proud of my actions, Kochō -san, I was trying to escape my emotions, they controlled me." Uh, she would've never thought her teacher and her would've had so much in common…

"So… you were doing bad stuff to other people and yourself?" it was hard to picture her teacher, with such delicate features and elegant motion, getting purposefully into trouble.

"Exactly, everyone wishes they could've done better at times, but what matters the most is what you do next…" Shinobu wanted to think she knew better, that she'd learned enough already; but if someone like Tomioka sensei still struggled, maybe… maybe she wasn't so lost after all. "Well, no more time to waste" he stood up stretching his back, her eyelid tingling a little for not looking away soon enough.

"What perverts will do, as you already mentioned, is always taking advantage of their strength. In your case in particular, we will take advantage of your size… and knowledge of weak points." Giyuu felt his palms sweat as he thought of how to help her defend herself without hurting her. Such a delicate girl, so firm in her aspirations... But he would have been making a mistake if he treated her like fragile porcelain, which was why he had asked for her help and he had to deliver.

His student found his side almost lethargically, her mind fluttering to what it was that made her feel the most uneasy; whether it was her own torturous memories that made her so helpless, or the complex secret plan she was keeping from three of the most important people to her…

Or not being able to decide if it had been brilliant or pitifully stupid to have asked someone so… breathtaking to train her... knowing it made her nerves fray just by letting her watch the wind ruffle his pitch black hair. The sight of his almost permanent frown tying a knot in Shinobu's lower abdomen. Only the sound of his tempered voice roused her from her unsolicited mental observations.

"Let's start with standing attacks." … starting from the position in which the girl said the events happened would have been a mistake, a violation of her confidence. The man was grateful that she had been distracted with something so that he wouldn't notice her hesitations about where to start a few seconds ago. "Something we didn't see in class but about the most basic of tactics…" he led her towards the nearest wall of the sports court.

"Trust your instincts for now, Kochõ-san. I want to make an initial assessment…" he said, positioning himself in front of her, the young woman swallowed with difficulty. Surely her own trauma would help her defend herself in some way, but the eyes of the "attacker" in front of her did not disgust her, not even a little, not like the ones that had looked at her while they took her without permission; if she started to act on autopilot… she would lose.

But it was too late, Giyuu began to walk towards her until Shinobu's bristling back found the wall, his arms imprisoned her head when his hands found the support surface and his blue orbs studied her body in a matter of seconds… what to do? She needed to move, do anything, quick!

The heaviness in her stomach only begged her to flee from the teacher's bewitching gaze, she closed her eyes and tried to slip away from under his left arm, being right-handed she would have some advantage trying to escape through her non-dominant side.

Yet he reacted with enviable speed letting her know that her tactic had been painfully predictable, from her demonstration in class, he already knew that she would try to flee; his arm flew to her stomach and caught her against his chest this time, like a predator consuming its prey, the girl gasped at the sudden contact and felt herself dying from the heat of the body leaning against her back. Tomioka felt her surrender against his arms, defeated, and without realizing it he dropped his face until it was almost touching her neck, the scent of wisteria flooding his common sense...

She curled up so lightly against his body, making the minimum effort to free herself from his arm; was he hurting her? He suddenly let go of her without thinking that she would let herself fall. His left arm had to cover the woman's chest to support her and his right arm pulled her towards him again, this time they both let out an embarrassed moan.

The teacher held her much longer than he should have, he felt the beating of her crazy heart against his forearm, filling his own chest with an unbearable warmth, which spread to the tips of his toes. Their labored breathing created a ridiculous noise in the dome formed by their joined bodies, having made a minimal amount of movement.

His breath against her exposed skin tortured her, Shinobu did not dare to open her eyes, to expose herself so painfully to the reaction that those inappropriate touches provoked.

"K-Kochõ-san…?" the teacher's voice trembled just barely, as if he didn't know how to deal with the electricity in the air. The heat between them was suffocating, enveloping them in a limbo that shouldn't exist.

Shinobu felt his fingers still clinging to the fabric of her uniform so deeply, the pressure of his firm arm against her abdomen, the echo of her own shaky breathing in her ears. Why was her body betraying her? Why wasn't she fighting this time?

Then, as if someone had opened a floodgate, reality hit them both abruptly.

Giyuu let go of her awkwardly, as if his skin was burning. He took a step back, eyes wide, his usual stoic expression cracked by something more visceral, something she couldn't immediately identify.

The young girl turned herself back to the wall, searching for something solid to anchor her wobbly balance. Her heart was pounding so hard she swore he could hear it.

"That's… not part of the training." his voice was lower than usual, almost like a whisper laden with something dangerous. Their gazes met for only a second longer before he ripped his stare away from hers; the shakiness of her pupils was driving him insane.

"Let's finish for today..."And without waiting for a response, the teacher turned and walked away.

Shinobu stood there, still feeling the warmth of his touch on her skin. She bit her lower lip, confusion swirling in her chest like a storm.

He shouldn't have been so affected and she should have made a greater effort to withdraw… the atmosphere didn't have to be so heavy, and why was she being invaded by a pang of need more than the rage that had consumed her years ago?

….

What the hell had happened?!

'I've only asked for your sincerity in exchange. I want love to finally answer: why am I always the one with bad luck?'

Dreamer

Hello, readers! As always thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed this rather tense chapter of the story… I hope you're enjoying the reading and getting ready for the juicy stuff. It's gonna be dramatic, graphic… sort of violent, well the rating's there for a reason, I guess!

Thanks so much for reading, take care!

Dreamer over and out!