Chapter 41: The Whole Truth

There was no answer. Rejection stabbed at me and I knocked again, harder that time.

"Paul, I know you're in there," I said firmly. "Open the door."

I knocked again, not wanting to give up. On a whim, I tried to open the door and it was unlocked. Nervousness replaced my feeling of rejection immediately. Where was he? Why would he have left the door unlocked? That wasn't like him. I opened the door and went inside.

"Paul? Jared?" I called. Nothing. No answer. I did a quick sweep of the apartment and found it empty. Was he still out with Sam? Had something happened to him?

No, I was sure that I would've been able to feel it if something had happened. I sat on the couch, knowing that if I wanted to talk to him, the time was now. Every time I heard the elevator moving, I tensed in anticipation, hoping that it was him. I was disappointed nearly every time.

"Guess I should've changed the locks," said a cold voice from behind me. I turned to see him standing in the doorway, looking cold and distant.

This wasn't good.

"The door was unlocked," I whispered. "I…I thought you were here. I wanted to talk to you."

"You made your point very clear when you ran off earlier."

"Your grandmother visited me today."

For a split second, his expression changed from guarded to surprised, but he re-composed himself almost immediately. "How stupid do you think I am? My grandmother's been dead for—" At my look, he stopped speaking, the realization clearing his face. "Why are you telling me this?"

"She wanted me to pass along a message to you," I said carefully. I studied his face as I spoke and his expression didn't change. It remained cold and guarded and I was starting to lose hope.

Well, you only have yourself to thank if you did lose him. You told him to stick with Sam—if you lost him, it's your fault.

"She…she wanted me to tell you that she's proud of you and that you're strong."

He briefly looked away from me and I saw the muscle in his jaw working. When he spoke again, his voice had changed slightly. Instead of cold and distant, he sounded slightly vulnerable and sad, but the cold edge in his voice was still there.

"Is that all you came here for?"

"Paul, what happened earlier—"

"Don't," he cut me off. "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

Tell him, the voice inside my head urged. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't do it like this. Not when there was so much tension between us.

"That was it," I said quietly. I stood from the couch and he was silent as he watched me. This was it. This was the last time I'd be in his apartment. The last time I'd be in the little safe haven that we'd created together.

My last chance to tell him everything.

"I guess…I guess I'll be going then."

It pained me to say those words to him.

He still didn't say anything, so I walked out of his apartment. Walking down the hallway, I felt completely defeated. I'd lost him and I would never get him back. He'd slipped through my fingers like sand and it was all my fault.

Again.

Out of nowhere, I felt his arms come around me. He spun me around so we were facing each other and he kissed me with enough force to drown me. Part of me wanted to shove him off of me, but the bigger part of me kissed him back. I knotted my hands in his hair and he pressed me against the hallway, never breaking away from me. He lifted me up, my legs going around his waist, and he carried me back into the apartment.

"Is this a mistake?" I breathlessly mumbled against his mouth.

"Screw the consequences," he said, kicking the door shut behind him, carrying me into the bedroom, and falling into bed with me.

Wrapped in his arms under the blankets made me feel happier than I'd felt in weeks. Paul was rubbing gentle circles on my arm and watching me intently.

"Are you gonna tell me what you've been hiding from me?"

I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "Do I have to?"

"Nat…"

"I'm just gonna warn you…it's not easy for me to talk about."

"I'm here to listen to you."

"I haven't been…completely honest with you about my transformation," I said quietly. "I've told you most of it but not the whole truth." He sat up a little, resting his his head on his hand and leaning on his elbow. "When I cheated on the vampire who turned me I ended up…getting pregnant."

I kept looking up ate the ceiling, not being able to meet his eyes, but he stopped rubbing circles on my arm and sat up a bit straighter.

"Part of the reason that he got so angry with me when I told him about his mother was because I told him that I'd cheated during that conversation," I said. "I was going to break it off with him and raise the baby with the other guy, but…he bit me and turned me before I could give birth."

"Natalie…"

"When I woke up, the baby was gone, of course," I said quietly. "The venom…the venom killed it. That's…that's why I've been so hellbent on finding him. He didn't just end my life…he took my baby's life too."

Pain ripped through me at every word I said to him and I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling. Despite the pain coursing through me at my words, it felt good to finally tell him my whole story. It felt good to know that my entire past was finally revealed to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, gently turning my face to his so I was forced to meet his eyes.

"I…I thought you were going to think I was using it to get you to change sides," I whispered. "To…to guilt you."

"I would never think that about you," he said, stroking my cheek. "God, Natalie, I'm so sorry. If I had known…"

"You didn't know," I said. "And honestly…it probably wouldn't have changed your opinion about Bella."

"If it comes to a fight, I'm sitting out," he said. "Sam and I kinda got into it earlier after you ran off. I…I told him what he was doing was wrong." I heard my phone ringing in the other room and I felt Paul's arms tighten on me slightly. "I can't lose you because of this and now that I know what you've been through…"

"I'm sorry for not telling you," I said. "I was trying to bring myself to do it but I just…I couldn't."

"Does anyone else know?" he asked.

"Edward knows—he heard it in my head," I said. "And…I told Leah."

"You told Leah?" he asked curiously. "Why?"

"She asked why I didn't stay with you," I said. "She's the first person I've actually told. You're the second." I took a deep breath. "Well…the rest of the Cullens know now because they heard me tell her."

He was quiet for a few moments mulling over what I'd said.

"If it matters, I wanted to tell you first," I said. "I told Leah because it felt relevant to the situation at hand."

He smiled warmly at me. "I'm not upset that you didn't tell me first, Nat. I understand why you did and I'm glad you and Leah were able to patch things up. She was not happy with you when you left."

My phone rang again and I felt myself tense. "I should probably get that."

"I'll go," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Stay here."

He got out of bed and went into the living room and I took a deep breath. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. His reaction had been better than what I'd expected—I'd expected him to get angry with me and demand that I leave his bed immediately.

But he'd been so soft and gentle with me when I'd told him. I wasn't sure why I'd expected the worst reaction from him about it—why had I assumed the worst about him? I should've known it would've been fine.

I wished I'd told him when I first told him about my transformation. All of this could've been avoided if I had.

He returned to the bedroom with my phone in his hand and he looked concerned.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up slightly and wrapping the blankets around me tighter.

"It…it was Alice."

I stiffened and reached out for my phone. He tossed it to me and I called her back. No answer.

"Shit," I whispered. "I have to go."

"What? What happened?"

"I don't know," I said, flinging the blankets off of me and hastily gathering my clothes off of the bedroom floor. I called her again and she still didn't pick up. "She's not answering."

"Nat—"

"I need to make sure they're all okay," I said, throwing what I thought was my shirt on over my head. I hadn't realized that it was Paul's shirt until I saw that it reached my knees. In the moment, I didn't care. I pulled my pants on and tried to get out of the bedroom, but Paul blocked me.

"Are you going to come back?"

"What?" I asked, bewildered. "Of course I am."

"If Sam is there, you need to come back here immediately," he said tightly.

"What?"

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"Paul…"

"Promise me, Natalie," he said. "I'm sitting this out for you, please sit out the fight for me. He's out for blood and I can't lose you because of it."

"Join us, then," I said. "Come with me."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I…I can't, Natalie. It's hard enough to disobey Sam and sit out."

"I understand, but I…I need to do everything I can to help them, Paul," I said. "I'm sorry."

I pushed past him and rushed out of the apartment. On my way to the Cullens' house I called Alice again and got no answer again.

This was not good.

I broke into a run and bolted to the big white house on the river. I raced past where the wolves normally slept and felt a jolt of surprise at seeing only Leah and Seth there. I felt a jolt in my stomach as I realized that Jacob was in the house.

Tensions had been extremely high over the course of the past couple days and Jacob had vowed to kill both Edward and the baby if Bella died because of it.

Shit.

It was only a matter of time before Sam's pack showed up. Word of Bella going into labour was sure to reach the pack and I was sure before long it'd be a full blown war between us.

I went into the house, expecting everything to be a complete mess, but everything was perfectly in place. Nothing was askew or messed up and the house was eerily quiet. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and the scent of Bella's blood hit me hard. I braced myself before ascending the stairs and following my nose. It led me to a door at the end of the hallway that was slightly ajar.

I pushed it open and immediately wanted to bolt away from the house.

The scene before me looked like it was straight out of a horror movie that Paul made me watch.

Her broken body was laid out on the blood soaked bed and Edward was next to her, grasping her hand with his head bowed. The smell of her blood was nearly overwhelming and I hated that it made my throat burn.

I slowly walked towards the two of them, despite feeling like I shouldn't be there. It felt like I was intruding on a moment and I was sure that as soon as Edward noticed me, he'd demand that I leave him be with the corpse of his wife.

Slowly, he looked up at me and I saw that blood was smeared around his mouth and I froze in my tracks. I tore my eyes away from him and saw that there were bite marks all over Bella's body.

Had he…had he fed from her?

"No, I didn't," he said, voice tight. "Is…is she dead?"

"What?" I whispered.

"I…I tried to turn her…to save her," he whispered. "Did it work?"

I realized then what he was asking me and what he was asking me to do for him. I closed my eyes and focused my thoughts on Bella, trying to see if her spirit would speak to me.

I felt an overwhelming amount of pressure on me as I tried to get an answer that Edward so desperately needed to hear.