Author's note: I'm chronically sleep deprived and needed a low-stakes fic to fuck around with while tired .

When I'm tired I think everything is funny so this might just not be funny at all.

Bruce Wayne is a rich-ass guy, and, because of this, has a mansion (big house). This means having a lot of walk-in rooms. Walk-in pantry, walk-in closet, walk-in kitchen, microwave, etc.

The mansion, in question, is usually pretty empty because he is not in there.

This accumulates into the perfect opportunity for resident recently homeless Edward Nygma. He had been talking to his tolken straight friend, Cat Woman (both think the other is the token straight), when she accidentally implied that she had been living in Bruce Wayne's walls.

This was a revelation for Edwin, "that reminds me, I JUST got kicked out of Commissioner Gordon's chimney. He caught me nibbling the marshmallows that they were roasting." Edhors laughed, "it took him two whole months for him to realize that I was living in there. Another testament to my vast intelligence."

Selena stared at him. Classic Edarf, she thought. "You don't know the first thing about stealth. Two months isn't impressive at all." She said cockily, "not impressive at all." She reiterated, trailing off for a second.

Green huffed, unwilling to argue with her on this particular topic, knowing he'd inevitably lose. "How is it you live in Bruve Wayne's walls anyway? I thought Wayne manson was made out of brick." he questioned.

Edawrt looked over to her after a couple of seconds without receiving an answer. Car Women was staring at a crack in the wall, face contorted in what seemed like dreadful revelation.

He sighed. Serinba's been more distant after she fell directly on her head from a second floor window. He wonders if anything in particular happened to cause her to act this way.

"why do we always have to meet in the Walmart(tm) men's restrooms?" blurted out Selina. Eguard paused, and then looked amused "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I thought you were more clever than that, kitty." chidded Riddles.

Cat Wompwo looked painfully unimpressed. "It's because." He paused dramatically, "it's the only place." "We can be seen." "and not recognized." He looked very impressed with himself. She pokes him in the eyes.

"OW." Ridleyr fell off of the top of the stall door where he was perched.

Caw Womder licked her hand (ew) and brushed it against her head like a cat, "so.. you got kicked out? How are you managing in.." she gestures at his green spandex getup with a look on her face reminiscent of someone who just stepped in dog poop.

"this is where Walmart men's bathrooms has never failed me." he sat up and brushed himself off pridefully, as if he proved a point, "nobody bothers you in here."

As if on cue, a subway employee walked into the room, cleaning equipment in tow. He dutifully ignored the two of them and started cleaning the first atall.

They stared at him for a couple of seconds. The conversation died down pretty quickly after that.

Riddler didn't get a lot from that conversation. He intended to stay wherever Selena was staying (or at least get some kind of idea as to where to stay), but she's been squatting as well. She's also much better than him at it, apparently.

He was walking down the street thinking about what he should do when he looked up and realized he was in fromt on Wayne Manor. 'It can't be that bad of an idea, right?'

Right as he finished that thought, it started raining. He had no other choice but to crawl through a second story window.

Straight into the bedroom.

(instantb regret).

The lower windows were impossible to break into and he figured he would just climb up to the second floor one. He realizes now how insane this decision was, but he can't climb down now that everything's gotten wet and slippery.

He needed to close the window without making any noise.

He was behind the curtain, which made him feel a bit better, but still. If whoever slept in this room went to bed at 10pm, then they're several times more likely to be in stage 1 of the sleep cycle, whjch is light sleep. Did he take a selena kyle pill or something?

His adrenaline was really pumping now, he didn't even realize his hands were shaking until he placed them on the top of the open window to slowly close it. He was shaking like Kermit the Frog, and whith his getup, he also kinda looks like kermit the frog at a glance.

No matter how gently he slid it down, he couldn't stop the slight screeching noise that ejaculated from the window, Edgeard flinched. He waited a couple of seconds in complete silence, refusing to even breathe in anticipation for what might come.

After an embarrassing amount of time in that state hearing nothing, he started creeping out fom the curtain, making sure to not bump into or step on anything, lest he make a sound. He's usually more confident when he's planned ahead, but the lack of sleep and probably also malnutrition that comes with being homeless must've finally gotten to him. Or maybe he's just actually crazy.

He did pretty well running his criminal operations from the commissioner's chimney. He would hold meetings with his henchmen, plan, and more importantly, eat, sleep and drink out of there all relatively well. The warehouses never worked out because the Bat would always bust him and his gang the moment he stepped near the harbor. It was all just too predictable.

but this was different. TOTALLY different. For whatever reason he was more afraid of getting caught by the gazillionare's assumed staff, or (god forbid) the man himself than he was of the police commissioner. Something about the quintillionare reminded him of catman, which really bugged him out.

I'm probably just tired.

As his eyes adjusted to the dark room, he realized the bed was still perfectly made, meaning this was likely some kind of guest room.

..it just so happened that the guest room had a huge portrait of Bruce Wayne's stupid dead parents in it. Kinda strange, but whatever.

Ed

He spotted three doors; one looking like the passageway to the rest of the house, the other two being identical, likely the bathroom and closet. One of them was cracked open, so he slowly started creeping towards the open one, knowing he didn't need to make any sound to peek inside.

As he looked inside, it was clear that this was a closet (blothes in there).

It was surprisingly modest, considering how massibe the rest of the house is. This wasn't reminiscent of a intifnitillionare's closet, but moreso like a notably above average-sized normal person closet that's also pretty fancy.

He immediately felt at home, remembering the fond memories of him getting dragged to clothes stores by the GCPD to buy normal clothes, only to run away to hide in the clothesracks. It's a common occurrence for Risslet.

This could work, he could make this work.