Chapter 12: Aizawa's Terrible, No Good Day
When Lieutenant Yaoyorozu came back, General Nemuri Kayama was happy beyond words.
That was around five minutes ago.
When Yaoyorozu came back with a winged woman on her team, her happiness was replaced with concern. Especially as she had to order the soldiers under her command to not shoot.
This is now.
"ALL OF YOU, STAND DOWN!" she shouted, making sure absolutely no one fired a shot. "Lieutenant Yaoyorozu, please tell me there's a reason for this."
"General Kayama!" The black-haired girl gave her superior a salute. "Shield-san is an ally, ma'am! We met her out on our mission, and hired her to be our guide!"
"Is that so…?" Nemuri said, as she took a closer look at the winged woman. "All right, she can come in. Lieutenant Yaoyorozu, General Aizawa and General Yamada are waiting for you in the new building for an official debrief. The rest of you – start unpacking the vehicles!"
This was going to be a long day, Nemuri just knew it.
"Lieutenant, as much as I am glad for your safe return, I need you to give me a full report on the situation we are in," Shouta said, as he sat on one side of the desk.
Next to Shouta, Hizashi was sitting next to him. He wasn't sure why the guy was there. Sure, something about being a silent observer, but of all the people that could have been chosen, it had to be him? Shouta liked his friend, but the guy wasn't exactly "silent" material.
Yaoyorozu, on the other side of the desk, nodded. "Yes, sir. I'll go through this in chronological order. On the day of our mission deployment, the first thirty minutes away from the base were calm. I had my team analyze the local environment, and we deemed that it was more or less similar to Earth. Atmosphere, plant life, gravity, all of it normal, and nothing indicating anything was off. And that, I'm afraid, is where all sense of normalcy ended, sir."
Aizawa at first was nodding his head but as soon as he heard the last part he paused. "Hmmm… go on, Lieutenant," he said, as he was trying to mentally prepare himself.
"Around thirty minutes into the trip, something crash-lands in front of my vehicle. It was honestly nothing short of a miracle that no one rammed anyone from how quickly Awase hit the breaks."
Shouta narrowed his eyes as he asked, "Did any one suffer any injuries?"
"No injuries. We immediately stepped out of the vehicle, anticipating the worst, when all we found was a blonde woman wearing armor, with white wings, unconscious."
For a second Aizawa looked at the Lieutenant blankly in the eyes and said, "Lieutenant, are you sure that you didn't suffer any injuries to the head?"
"General, half your men pointed their guns at her when we entered the base. I know you didn't see her, but I know for a fact that Generals Yamada and Kayama did."
Aizawa blinked slowly and put a hand to his nose, as he murmured to himself, "What now? Did we find Heaven, or something? Did you and your team search her for any foreign objects?"
"Kodai checked her for injuries, and the only thing she had were a few minor bruises. In terms of equipment, the only thing she carried with her was a sword on her hilt, and some glasses."
"Is she able to understand our language or not? It would be crucial to us knowing if we can extract information from her. Also, have all the objects taken to the lab and searched for any sign of a virus. We don't need to start a three-year pandemic right now."
He thought to himself where did that last part come from. Ehh, whatever.
"When she regained consciousness, I approached her in a friendly manner, and said "hello" in the local language. Imagine both mine and everyone else's shock when she repeated my "hello" back to me in fluent Japanese."
"Hmmm… so not a language barrier, well that's a relief. Go on, continue."
"As it turns out, sir, the woman in question is an angel, and her species simply know each and every language. Including ones not from her world, such as Japanese."
Aizawa let out a sigh and siad, "Great, first the Roman cosplayers on dragons, and now angels. What's next? Talking frogs? Actually, don't answer that, Lieutenant."
Ignoring his comments, she said, "We questioned her about her origins. She claims to be an angel that was cast out by the gods for falling in love. We brokered a deal with her: She acts as our guide in this world, and we take her to her beloved on the other side of the continent."
"As much as I want to lecture you and your team on why you shouldn't trust foreign people who call themselves angels, I can see that, given the circumstances, you took the rational course to use the situation to your benefit," he said. "So, go on."
"The rest of the day proceeds for the better. She rode alongside my vehicle, and was fascinated that it wasn't being pulled by some kind of beast of burden, like, say, a horse. Or a ground dragon. Or a giant bird, or by a horned horse, or a liger, a giant lizard, or by a crocodog…"
"I'm sorry Lieutenant, but can you repeat the last part? I think I didn't hear you correctly."
"Corcodog. We asked about it. Apparently, it's around the size of a horse, with the physical characteristics of a crocodile and a dog. It even barks like one."
I don't get paid enough for this, he thought to himslef.
Shaking his head, he continued. "And they use those to carry things?"
"Or as mounts, yes."
"I have to know, are there any other foreign races in that location?" Shouta asked. "Because I don't think flying children of literal gods need to carry things by land when they can fly."
"Aside from the humans who were at war with, the current sapient races we've run into are medusas, warrior bunnies, and possibly ogres. But there are far more than just those."
Aizawa looked at her with a deadpan stare. Ah, we either have a "High School DxD" situation here or a "Fate" one... why did I even agree to watch those with Hizashi?
"Monoma, Lieutenant Yaoyorozu gave you the magical bag, correct?"
"That is correct, ma'am!" he said, handing Nemuri both the bag in question, along with a piece of paper. "Yaoyorozu also took the liberty of updating the manifest within the bag!"
"Excellent to hear," the general said, handing over the bag to the science division of the JSDF. Turning over to look at the blonde angel, she asked, "Now, what to do with you…"
"I was told I would be protected by our JSDF," she said.
"And you still are," Nemuri said. "But please do understand, Shield-san, even if you are the Exploration Unit's guide, you are still technically a civilian, albeit an armed one."
"I could assist in defending your fortress," the angel said.
"That is greatly appreciated, but it won't be necessary, we have that covered," the general said. "I was thinking something more on the lines of… local and foreign relations?"
"I believe that can be arranged,"
"All right, then, please follow me," Nemuri asked, as she entered her tent, grabbed a few documents on a clipboard, and then sat down in a chair. "Now, please state your name."
"Melissa Shield, ma'am," the blonde angel said, sitting across the table from her.
"Now, Shield-san, the following interview will be to both evaluate your psychological state by asking a few questions, along with interviewing the soldiers you spent time with for the last month to see, ah, what sort of person you are. Is that acceptable?"
"Yes, ma'am,"
"Excellent," Nemuri smiled. "Let's begin."
"Anyways, our first night camping was also noteworthy. We spent the night in a mushroom forest, where they were around the height of trees, and many of them were bioluminescent, and some were edible," Yaoyorozu said, continuing her report.
The thought of Hizashi shouting out "Mushroom Kingdom'' almost made Shouta laugh, but he held it in. "Were there any hostiles in the area, or not?" he asked.
"We encountered a scorpion the size of a horse on the outskirts, and several snail-like humanoids who tried to eat Private Tsuburaba. Also, there was the medusa, but given that Aoyama stepped on her property, that last one was understandable."
Shouta groaned at that. "Please inform me why you didn't call for backup, or at least try to come back as soon as you encountered those beasts, because I'm starting to think that you actively endangered the life of your team to have an isekai adventure."
"Considering that General Kayama ordered us not to come back for an entire month, along with the fact that we were too far out of range for our radio to work, my hands were tied," Yaoyorozu explained her reasoning. "And besides, we were only two days into the mission, I wasn't calling it quits and coming back that soon."
"This is already giving me a headache. I need some beer…" he sighed, rubbing the temples of his forehead, before asking, "Did you manage to judge their defense and military?"
"The scorpion was nothing more than a wild animal. The snails' method of hunting seemed to be surrounding their prey, and using the mucus from their antennas to capture them, before stuffing them into their burlap sack and dragging them away to be eaten later. And the medusa, while capable of turning people to stone, was still a civilian, and only acted in self-defense."
"Lieutenant Yaoyorozu," Shouta said, his voice especially dead. "Please back up a bit and explain to me what a burlap sack is and also why it was a burlap sack, in specific detail."
He knew she was asking her a ridiculous question, but he needed her to understand the implications of what she just said when it came to these "snail monsters."
"A burlap sack is a sack made out of the skin of a plant, sir," she answered, still unaware of what Shouta was thinking. "Most people use them to fill them with produce, or for games."
"And you're telling me that the snails are intelligent enough to use those things?" he asked.
"Yes, sir. In fact, there were quite a few creatures we encountered that were smarter than animals, but nowhere near as smart as the sapient races, almost as if they're in the middle of an evolutionary breakthrough. We have decided to deem them as semi-sapient for the moment."
"Hizashi, please inform the third and fourth commanders to send a search team to capture some of these species for research… Also, make sure that we don't end up having an evil scientist on the team. I don't want to be a part of a show or something about battling a supervillain."
Hizashi simply gave him a thumbs up. Wonderful.
"First question: You find a man injured on the ground calling for help. What do you do?"
Melissa answered with, "I would first cast a spell to detect whether they were evil or not. If they were, I would then question them if they were a member of the Demon King's army. Depending on their answer, I would either heal them or kill them before they could wreak any havoc."
Nemuri thought over what she said. Okay, let's think rationally about this: First, this is probably a dog-eat-dog world, so prioritizing her safety is reasonable. Second, Demon Kings exist in this world, we'll deal with that later. Third, what other sorts of magic does she have?
She decided to ask those questions during the free-from part of the interview.
"Okay, second question: You find a lost child wandering a city. What do you do?"
"Depends on the scenario. If they know where they live, attempt to fly them to their home. If they are searching for their parents, attempt to locate them," she answered.
Both are good answers, Nemuri thought to herself. Moving on…
"Third question: You are being harassed by a person. What do you do?"
"If they are a lowly thug, frighten them away with the presence of my celestial aura. If they are something more dangerous, or even a sexual deviant, decapitate them with my sword."
Nemuri simply stared at the angel in silence.
"Understood, sir. Moving on from that incident, we spent the next five days traversing a desert, until we came across… well… a coral forest in the middle of it."
Shouta simply stared at his protege with a blank expression. "Elaborate."
"It was a living coral reef in the middle of a desert," the raven-haired woman explained. "It looked like it didn't need water to survive. In fact, we were able to walk through it, with fish flying through the sky all around us, as if swimming through the air."
The only thing Aizawa could do was nod.
His brain was overloading.
He didn't sign up for this.
"We split into four teams. I stayed behind with the science nerds, while the three other teams explored deeper into the forest, each one of them in a different direction. Unfortunately, each one of them ran into a different set of problems we didn't foresee."
Science nerds? Naming taste aside… Shouta cleared his throat. "Elaborate."
"Kendo's team encountered some sort of hyena-wolf monsters that were capable of basic speech. However, they also tried to grab Sato and run off with him, presumably to eat him. Bakugou's team encountered an entire tribe of semi-sapient monsters, whose physical characteristics are best described as the Minions, but if they were eyeless, bigger, with colorful fur, and large, man-eating mouths. However, Kirishima's team had it by far the worst."
Aizawa had a blank look on his face as he looked at her.
Slowly but surely, his face went from being blank to angry.
"I'm not sure how it could get any worse but we are dealing with a world that has –!" He stopped to calm himself down. "I apologize for not acting rational, Lieutenant, but if it was anybody else giving this report, I would have thought they were under the effects of drugs."
"Sir, we have both video and photographic evidence. I saw Kirishima's group encounter a purple tree holding all the colors of the rainbow. I saw them approach the magical map shrine surrounded by cursed swords. I saw them fight off a bunch of ghosts, and I saw that the only reason they survived was because a colony of oversized blue-ringed octopuses exorcized the evil spirits before they could do any further damage. This entire world is on drugs."
Just eighteen more years. Just hang in there for eighteen more years and then you can go live the rest of your life taking care of cats, Shouta thought to himself. "Look Lieutenant, I only have one question… is there any way that we can close the gate and be done with this Loony Toons isekai situation because I think I've already aged around twenty or more years by being here."
"Sir, my mission was to explore the world, not to figure out how to close the gate. Also, I've only completed half my report so far. Permission to continue?"
He nodded, and she continued. This was gonna suuuuuck.
"The following part of the test is free-form, meaning that your answers are completely open-ended," Nemuri said. "I am going to ask you a question, and then allow you to speak in full, while I occasionally ask a few clarifying questions. Is that all right?"
"I understand the concept, ma'am," Shield said.
"Excellent. Now, you claim to be an angel, correct? As in a being that serves as a messenger to the gods?" Shield nodded in response to that. "I see. What can you tell me about these gods?"
"The following seven days were peaceful," Yaoyorozu said. "We traveled down south, where we exited the desert, and ended up in a more tropical location. I had the team stop and explore the local jungle. That turned out to be a mistake, as I would soon learn."
He put his hand on his face and took a deep sigh.
"Let me guess: Did you guys have to fight giant snakes?"
She nodded. "That was one of the problems, yes."
"Fantastic," Shouta grumbled. "Also, I am sending you and your team to therapy after this, and that is an order. We cannot risk having an unstable team on the field."
He should be worried that he was getting numb to this. As Yaoyorozu kept giving him the report, a part of him kept telling him that he should take this more seriously but for God's sake he couldn't. Warrior bunnies... What's next, cat girls?!
Regardless, he kept as much of a neutral face as he possibly could.
"Hm. How long were they held hostage by them?" he asked.
"One day, thankfully," she said. "Our rescue operation was swift and effective."
"I see…" he said. "Also, were the scientists on your team able to take some DNA samples for further study? I know some people would be curious about their biology."
"No, no DNA samples were acquired, sir."
"Why not?"
"If our men spent even a few more hours with them, they would have died. As it turned out, that particular tribe consisted solely of females. So, to maintain their populations, they kidnap males from other races, and then… forcefully reproduce with them… until the males die of exhaustion. Any males who survived or refused to comply were disposed of, by being thrown into a pit which housed their pet, a giant green cobra, with a rhino-like horn on top of its head."
Hizashi let out a low whistle at that.
Well, at least your men would have managed to have some fun before biting it… But the more this goes on, the more I'm questioning if I should have gotten more sleep yesterday or not...
"Ahem, how did you manage to rescue your team?"
"Myself and some of my female teammates disguised ourselves with rabbit ears and Playboy costumes Sargeant Kodai had, and then forced our way to rescue them, while two others lured ogres towards the village to attack the rabbit women. The natives may be formidable warriors, but as long as we stayed out of their ranges and used our guns, we were fine. Also, Bakugou and Kirishima were able to escape the snake pit all on their own. Afterwards, it was a mad dash back to the cars to escape, fighting any rabbits and ogres we saw on the way."
"Ah, yes, firearms," Shouta said sarcastically. "The best answer to all problems."
He decided to ignore the ogre part, for his sanity's sake.
"Private Tsuburaba, can you confirm Shield's statement about saving your life?"
Nemuri had finished her interview with Melissa Shield a while ago, and now had begun to interview the remaining members of the Exploration Unit. This… would take a while.
"Oh, yeah, totally!" the meteorologist said. "She saved my ass from getting eaten by some snail monsters! But I have to admit, I wouldn't exactly call being a part of the "rescue" operation to get me and Sen away from our bunny girl harem a good thing –"
"Private Tsuburaba, please stick to "yes" or "no" for your answers."
"Right, right, sorry," he chuckled.
"Unfortunately, sir, the next incident couldn't be solved with firearms."
Okay, I hoped that we had a fighting chance, but I guess we have to settle for nukes. Either way… Shouta thought to himself within his own personal cloud cuckoo land. Noticing that Yaoyorozu was waiting for his permission, he said, "Go on."
"During the final week of our mission, we ended up getting caught in the middle of a lightning storm caused by magic. We were forced to take shelter near a mountain, with a cave opening. Unfortunately, a rock slide occurred, trapping several of my team inside the cave."
"Before you go on, I have a question... How did all of your team survive?" Shouta asked, stopping her. "And I don't mean that specific incident, but the entire mission as a whole? It doesn't seem likely that you all managed to get out with just scratches only."
"It was a combination of excellent medical skills and dumb luck, sir."
"Hmmm… understandable. You may be ready for a promotion, Lieutenant, because I think you've gone through enough in this one mission," he sighed. "I will try and talk to the higher ups. Either way, go on and let's finish this so I can get drunk and forget about this."
"Yes, sir. Due to the fact that our demolition expert was trapped inside the cave, he instructed the rest of us on the outside on how to set up the explosives to free them, while the rest of our trapped comrades decided to venture further into the cave."
"What gave them the idea to explore an area on their own without the rest of the team?" Shouta asked. "The whole point of making this team was to make sure that you could cover every needed part. I understand you were in a precarious situation, but the buddy system still exists."
"Bakugou convinced them to try to find a space that wouldn't get caved-in in the event that the bombs set something off. Though, personally, I believe that he simply wanted to be left alone."
"And what did that result in?"
"They encountered a skeleton hand that glowed in the dark asking for their tickets, slime puddles, bats, two rackets playing tennis with a talking skull, the Japanese metro system, a wall of skulls, several colorful ghost-like monster faces, and a room with a red, pulsating aura."
"Hmmmm… So a horror house?"
"Sort of. As it turned out, they were all illusions created by a miner deep within the cave. Her name was Toru Hagakure, and she used her light-based magic to scare others out of the cave, as she was busy mining away valuable magical crystals."
"Did you manage to restrain her?"
"Sir, what she was doing technically wasn't illegal. She was just trying to make a living. And besides, thanks to the rockslide, she was just as trapped as the rest of my men."
"I do understand that, but she had endangered the lives of my soldiers and I would like to know if she had done this to more people or not," Shouta explained his reasoning. "For all we know, she has given someone a heart attack, or was planning to kill and rob your team."
"Sir, with all due respect, she was quite friendly with us, and Shield-san never informed us of anything she said was a lie," Yaoyorozu said, looking a little bit offended.
"I understand that, but you yourself know that your team's life has been in danger many times during this mission and even with all the information that your team has gotten we need more in-depth knowledge from the locals. Right at this moment we have only one source of information and that is the blonde angel that you guys came with."
"About that, sir… I do have a proposal."
"Go on?"
"Sir, despite the fact that the land is completely safe, the area around the gate is uninhabited due to two reasons: The first is that no one wants to risk finding out whatever comes out of the gate. The second reason is that whenever the gate does open up, the Imperials, the ones who attacked Musutafu, come to investigate, and absolutely no one wants to deal with them."
"So what do you suggest?" he asked.
"Sir, we have successfully driven away the Imperials, and the gate is connected to Japan, it belongs to us. My proposal is that we build a town around the base, and whenever my team visits more individuals like Uwabami and Hakagure, we invite them to emigrate to our town. It's a win-win. The soldiers, and you, can get more information from the locals, and these decent folks can make a better life for themselves."
"Hmmm… I have to take it to the higher ups, but it's a great idea, Lieutenant."
"Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome, Lieutenant. I thank you for your service, on behalf of the entire Japanese government," Shouta said. "You're dismissed."
The black-haired girl gave her superior a salute, as she headed off. Shouta could only lean back in his seat and sigh. This report was far worse than anything he could have imagined. This entire world was basically a really pretty-looking death trap.
Shaking his head, Shouta Aizawa vowed that he wouldn't let his protege get murdered in this place. He wouldn't let Momo Yaoyorozu become another Oboro Shirakumo…
"So, yeah, even if we were probably gonna die, me and Kosei were pretty happy with the way we would have gone," Private Kaibara smiled. "Knee-deep in bunny girls."
The dark-haired general merely gave him a blank stare, before sighing.
"Kaibara-san, please be honest with me: Why did you and Private Tsuburaba agree to this mission?" Nemuri asked. "And no need to worry, all of this is confidential. As long as it's nothing as egregious as indiscriminate killing, there should be no repercussions."
"Oh, well, if it's tight-lipped, I guess it's okay to say," Kaibara said. "You see, me and Kosei have this dream, and with the appearance of the magical gate, we can finally fulfill that dream!"
"Oh? What is it? To be heroes in a fantasy world? To slay dragons?" she asked.
"Even better!" he smiled. "To have our very own monster girl harems!"
Nemuri stared at the soldier as what he said registered in her brain. "Huh…?"
"That's right! Kosei and I are on a quest to have sex with every species imaginable! From jungle amazons, to mummy queens, to mermaids, icy witches, bunny girls, demi-humans, demons, spirits, and devils! If there are hot chicks among them, THEN WE SHALL BONE THEM!"
Note to self: Screen both Kaibara and Tsuburaba for any potential HR violations.
"ATTEEEEENTION!"
The synchronized sound of soldiers standing upright was music to Hizashi's ears.
"All right, little listeners!" he said, casually breaking formality. "Thanks to Lieutenant Yaoyorozu's report, we have the general understanding of what your mission has entailed. However! Before we can send you off on a week-long break, we need to finish up your psych analyses!"
He may have been hard of hearing, but those subtle scowls said it all.
"All of those who have already been interviewed by General Kayama are free to head out the gate and back to Japan after putting away your weapons and equipment. You've earned this week off, boys and girls! We'll see y'all again seven days from now, noon sharp!"
"""SIR, YES, SIR!"""
"DISMISSED!"
"Private Rin, you are a zoologist, correct?" Nemuri asked.
"That is correct, General Kayama," the Chinese man said.
"Could you please describe the Special Region's ecology to me," she asked.
"It's basically what would happen if Skull Island from the King Kong movies had a baby with Pandora from the Avatar movies, and then was adopted and raised by Florida and Australia."
Wow, that did not paint a pretty picture. "Please elaborate."
"On this mission alone, we had to deal with giant scorpions, man-eating snails, tentacled mushrooms, basilisks, talking hyena-things, blind furballs, giant horned cobras, and that's without mentioning the gigantified creatures Shield off-handedly mentioned."
"Oh, um… you wouldn't happen to remember any of them, would you?"
He did indeed remember, and Nemuri didn't like what she heard.
"So, you'll be staying here?" Momo asked.
"Correct," Melissa said. "General Kayama said that a few other officials might have questions for me, and that it would also raise trust between the people of Mundus with those of Japan if I engaged in comradery with other members of your Self Defense Force."
"Well, that does make logical sense."
"Do not despair, as this assignment is only temporary. As soon as you and the rest of the team return from your breaks, I'll act as your guide once again," she smiled.
"That is nice to hear," Momo smiled. "Well, I'll see you in a week!"
"Enjoy your break, Lieutenant. You've earned it!"
As Momo waved good-bye to the angel, she walked past the building supplies and vehicles coming through the gate. Now in civilian clothes, Momo waved her identification to the guard, and was on her way to the other side, back to Musutafu.
She wondered what she would do for this week.
Perhaps I could go shopping at the boutiques again!
Yes, that was an excellent idea!
Author's Note: Everyone has made it back in one piece, and it's now time for them to have some R&R! Next time… how will the rest of the world react to this?
Anyways, with this, the first arc of the Dungeon Crawlers is pretty much over. After the next chapter, everyone will return for their second big mission, and trust me, it will be even more insane than the last one! But for now… it's time for the comments!
Hansledane: Hey, glad to see that you've come back for more! I hope you're enjoying what you've been seeing so far! Also, I checked out your comment for "When They See, They'll Understand," thanks so much for reading it! Might I also interest you in some "Megethos" while I'm at it? Anyways, back to the actual story you came here for! Yeah, so, Nine is a power-hungry maniac, nothing special there. Hagakure being a magic-user will come back as a future plot thread, so keep your eye on that. And as for Izuku being a bad guy, and yeah, I can see how, given the evidence that he hasn't done anything wrong, he isn't a bad guy, he just happens to cosplay as one. But it's still pretty suspect that he's got his eyes on Melissa, don't you think? Also, I hope that Momo giving Aizawa a brain aneurysm was good for you to read. And regarding the gate and the possibility of it moving, I'll just say right here that it won't… which will become a problem in the future.
valkrus: Yeah, one of the biggest story plots for this series is gonna be Melissa's relationship. Sit back and grab some popcorn, it's gonna be a doozy…
That's all, as that was the only recent commenter, now for the closing remarks…
If you want more content, visit my Discord, the link is /3PFYSt8Dqz. You can chat with others, post memes, fanfic recommendations and prompts, role play, fan art, and we even have a writer's corner now! I'll also drop by with announcements and chat with you all every now and then! Also, if you want to add me as a friend, my username is Ernalore#8663! Just please make sure to follow the rules!
That's all for today, thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time!
- Ernalore