Pup Problems: Babysitting Gone Wild

Edward and Bella had faced many challenges in their immortal lives—facing the Volturi, supernatural showdowns, and even Emmett's insatiable need for competition—but none of that compared to the true test of endurance: babysitting their grandchild.

Jacob and Renesmee had decided to have a much-needed night out, leaving their tiny, unpredictable, part-wolf, part-vampire bundle of energy in the very capable (debatable) hands of the Cullens.

"Remember, she's just a baby," Renesmee reminded them as she adjusted the diaper bag over her shoulder. "No hunting, no phasing, and please don't let Emmett teach her anything."

"Aw, come on," Emmett whined. "She's gotta learn how to wrestle sometime!"

Jacob gave him a deadpan look. "She's a baby, Emmett."

"She's also a werewolf-vampire hybrid," Emmett shot back. "You're really underestimating her potential."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "She is one year old. Potential is irrelevant."

"Fine, fine," Jacob said, clearly itching to get out the door before he changed his mind about leaving their pup in vampire hands. "Just… don't break her."

"We raised Renesmee just fine," Bella said, crossing her arms. "I think we can handle this."

Jacob sighed but nodded. "Alright. Good luck. You'll need it."

With that, he and Renesmee left, and the second the door shut behind them, all hell broke loose.

At first, little Luna—adorable, bright-eyed, and deceptively innocent—stared at her grandparents and great-uncles and aunts with wide-eyed curiosity.

Then she sneezed.

And shifted.

One second, she was a chubby-cheeked baby in a onesie. The next, a tiny, fuzzy wolf pup sat in her place, tail wagging as she let out a yip.

Alice gasped. "Oh my God, she's so cute."

Rosalie crossed her arms. "She still drools."

Emmett, however, was grinning like a lunatic. "I CHALLENGE THEE TO A RACE, LITTLE PUP!"

Before anyone could stop him, Emmett took off at vampire speed, Luna yipping in delight and scampering after him on oversized paws.

"Emmett!" Bella shrieked. "STOP ENCOURAGING HER!"

Esme sighed. "This is why Renesmee specifically told us not to let Emmett—"

Too late. The game was afoot. Luna zipped around the house, barely avoiding Jasper's legs as he side-stepped her like an experienced soldier dodging landmines.

"She's quick," Jasper observed.

"She's destructive," Edward corrected as Luna skidded across the floor and launched herself into a bookshelf, sending a row of medical journals crashing to the ground.

Carlisle merely chuckled. "She has Jacob's energy—pure, unfiltered chaos."

Emmett, now fully in "Uncle Mode," decided that babysitting was far too passive. "Alright, kiddo," he declared, scooping up the squirming pup, "time for some real training."

"Put her down," Rosalie warned. "Gently."

"I am gentle," Emmett scoffed as he lifted Luna above his head like a victorious wrestler. Luna, however, took this as an opportunity to wiggle free and land right on Emmett's face, fur tickling his nose. "GAH! SHE'S ATTACKING!"

"She's playing," Esme corrected, watching as Luna clung to Emmett's head, gnawing on his ear.

Alice, smirking, took out her phone. "I'm recording this."

"NOT HELPING!" Emmett yelped, staggering backward as Luna's tiny but sharp baby teeth nibbled enthusiastically.

Jasper, arms crossed, looked over at Edward. "You could help him."

Edward sighed dramatically. "I could."

Emmett finally managed to pry Luna off his head, holding her at arm's length. "Alright, you win this round, tiny terror."

Luna wiggled her paws happily, then let out a tiny whine and reached for Edward with her chubby little limbs.

Edward, ever the reluctant but responsible grandfather, sighed and extended his arms. "Fine, come here. At least with me, you might actually sit still for a moment."

Emmett grinned mischievously as he handed over the squirming pup. "You sure about that, bro?"

Edward ignored him, shifting Luna into a comfortable position against his chest. "See? This is how you properly—"

Then she peed on him.

The room went silent.

Jasper choked on a laugh. Emmett outright collapsed into a fit of booming laughter, doubling over and slapping his knee. "SHE PEED ON YOU! SHE REALLY IS A MINI JACOB!"

The room went silent.

Edward, who had faced death countless times and stood unshaken before the Volturi, looked absolutely horrified. "I have never been more disrespected in my entire existence."

Alice, shaking with laughter, wiped at her nonexistent tears and sighed. "Alright, I think it's time for Plan B."

"Plan B?" Bella asked.

Alice grinned and pulled out a stuffed wolf toy from the diaper bag. "Bribery."

Luna, still a pup, immediately perked up. She let out a tiny, excited bark and in an instant, poof—she was back to being a giggling baby, reaching for the toy with chubby fingers.

Jasper raised an impressed brow. "Well. That was easy."

Edward, still holding his pee-stained shirt away from his body, glowered. "Define 'easy.'"

Hours later, after multiple rounds of chase—one of which involved Luna phasing mid-leap and landing directly on Jasper's head—three outfit changes (one due to more surprise shifting, another due to a food incident involving mashed bananas and betrayal, and a final one after she managed to get a hold of a tube of Esme's lotion and painted herself with it), and Esme having to physically remove Emmett from trying to create an obstacle course for "Baby Wolf Training" that involved couch cushions, upside-down chairs, and a makeshift tunnel of blankets, the family finally got Luna into her crib.

The little hybrid was now back in human form, clutching her stuffed wolf, yawning softly. Bella kissed her forehead, brushing a curl away. "Sleep tight, sweetheart."

The second they all tiptoed out of the room and shut the door, they turned to each other.

"Well," Rosalie said, dusting off her hands. "That wasn't so bad."

From the baby monitor, a sudden poof sound was heard.

Then yipping.

Then a crash.

Jasper sighed. "We're never going to survive this night."

Edward groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "Jacob and Renesmee owe us big time."

Emmett grinned, still covered in baby slobber and puppy fur. "Best babysitting gig ever."

Just as the Cullens slumped into various seats, thoroughly exhausted from the night's chaos, the sound of a car pulling up outside made them all freeze.

"Oh no," Bella muttered. "They're back."

Edward straightened up immediately, eyes darting to the baby monitor where Luna had just let out a sleepy yip. "Quick, make it look like everything was under control."

Alice scoffed. "Please. They know exactly what they signed us up for."

The front door opened, and Renesmee stepped in first, scanning the room with narrowed eyes. Jacob followed behind her, arms crossed.

"So," Renesmee said slowly, "how did it go?"

Silence. The Cullens exchanged guilty glances. Carlisle, ever the composed one, opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Luna, still in her crib, let out another yip—followed by the distinct sound of something toppling over.

Jacob smirked. "That good, huh?"

Edward, still pee-stained and exhausted beyond reason, merely glared. "Take your child."