Rachel stared up at the dark ceiling. She had a hard time sleeping, though not from the pain in her hands. Sure, they stung a little if she moved the wrong way or water seeped through her bandages, but the pain was dull compared to the emotions she felt.
Tim and Judy had walked Rachel and Emmett out to the car that night. Each one had given them both a hug. They both told Rachel she was welcome back, despite what she had done to them.
"Are you sure? As you can see, I guess I'm a little klutzy." Rachel had laughed nervously, but neither one joined her.
"You can break a thousand plates and you'd still be welcome back at this table." Is what Tim had told her in response.
She didn't even know where to start with that. A thousand plates and she'd still be welcome back…who said something like that? Who just…didn't care, if one made a mistake? Especially without paying for it. They hadn't taken a dime from her.
"If you come back here with money, I'll have to dust off my motherly look." Judy had even teased, giving a warm squeeze to Rachel's shoulder. "I haven't had to use it since Henry melted my curtains together when he was eight, but I'll break it back out just for you. It's just as strong as it used to be, I promise!"
"You think breaking plates is scary, just wait until Momma gives you the look." Emmett had chuckled as he gave Rachel a playful wink.
They all were so…nice. She'd destroyed their things and they had been nice to her. There'd been no yelling, no words about her clumsiness or incompetence, no slamming of doors or storming out. It was so strange. Almost as though, they had believed her when she said it was a mistake.
Her father would've laughed at lines like that, and not because they were funny. He would've dismissed it as sentimental garbage. Kindness like that wasn't real - at least, not to her father. People didn't let you break plates without a price. But Tim…he hadn't even flinched. He'd looked at her, bleeding and panicked, and hadn't seen a burden. Just a girl who had made a mistake and needed help.
"A thousand plates…" Rachel whispered to herself. She looked down at the bandages on her hands. It didn't make sense, but maybe they were being honest. Maybe she could just…make a mistake, and everything would be okay.
Emmett solidified that thought when he text her the next morning, as though absolutely nothing had happened the night before. "Have a great day at tryouts! You're going to crush it!"
She smiled despite herself. It was super sweet of him to remember that tryouts started. No one had ever remembered important events before, other than holidays or the occasional birthday, except for her friends. Lucy was sure to call Rachel at the end of the day to ask about how it went. And Madison would be all about a celebration if Rachel made the team.
But they had been her friends since elementary and middle school. Rachel had come to expect them to remember. Emmett had no obligation to though.
Gosh, he was incredibly sweet.
Her coach was worried about her when she had shown up to volleyball practice with hands in bandages. Thankfully, as a libero - or, hopeful libero - she didn't need her palms too much.
The freshman were excitable, filling the gym with chatter and laughter. Rachel grinned at Alyssa and Jordyn, former setter and middle blocker, as she stretched her arms. "Remember when we had all that nervous energy?"
Jordyn rolled her eyes. She was a serious girl and faced the sport with the same attitude. "Should spend more time prepping than laughing. They're going to pull muscles."
Yup. That was Jordyn.
She had brought up a good point though and Rachel joined them in more deeply stretching out her legs and arms. The first day was always more athleticism and basics focused.
Serving stung a little bit as her hand made contact with the ball, but the more she worked throughout the day, the number the pain got. She watched the ball fly over the net each time, and each time she bit her lip until they landed in play. And each time, she breathed a sigh of sweet relief. Practicing hadn't been the first priority that summer and she worried about losing her touch.
Her biggest distraction had text her after practice, asking her to go to dinner. She hesitated, seeing as she was sweaty and gross from practicing from 8-5. But Emmett's persistence and his blush-inducing offer to 'help her clean up' pushed her over the edge.
Theresa and Dennis weren't home when Rachel stopped to shower quickly. Not that she was overly surprised. It was Monday, Dennis had dart league and Theresa was likely out with friends or avoiding the house. Even more reason to go out with Emmett.
He was 'disappointed' that Rachel had showered without him. "I got a nice cattle hose outside we could've used." He joked, his chest rumbling against her back.
When he'd invited her to dinner, she hadn't thought about dinner in the bed of his truck as they sat out on the edge of one of their fields. Not that Rachel was upset about it. The privacy was nice, as well as Judy's homemade Alfredo. Rachel had only had Alfredo sauce in a jar, and apparently that was a sin.
"It's a crime against pasta!" Henry exclaimed dramatically, fanning himself like the women did in olden movies.
Emmett had been quick to clap back, looking Henry up and down as he took the food from his mom, "Yeah, you look like you would know there, Big Boy."
Rachel snickered, watching Henry's offended expression. As soon as Judy's back was turned, Henry flipped his brother off, mouthing a, "Watch yourself."
They carried the food out to the truck before Emmett drove them to a secluded spot next to the fields. And that's where they sat.
"Okay, seriously. Y'all ordered in, right? Like, your mom didn't make this, she ordered it from someplace?"
Emmett shook his head with a chuckle, twirling his fork over and over and over to pick up the pasta. She couldn't help but smile at him, amused at how he struggled. "Nope, it's all Momma. Told you, homemade is far better than the jar."
Rachel hadn't thought it would make that much of a difference at first. Now that she'd tasted it, she realized she'd been neglected her entire life. It was so smooth and creamy and flavorful. "I might stick with you just to have more of your mom's cooking. This is amazing. Guess the rumors are true."
"Rumors?"
"Around your Mom being able to cook anything and everything, and have it be delicious."
He grinned, almost shy about such a thing. She wasn't sure why. It was a heck of a compliment. "Oh, I didn't know that. Though, I've never listened much to rumors."
"Afraid you'll hear bad stuff about yourself." She teased, remembering all the dating rumors and college rumors surrounding him.
"Nah…well, I mean yes. I know there's all sorts of stuff around me. But I don't like to play into it too much. You can't believe half of it, you know?" Emmett shrugged easily, "I like to make my own opinions. Take people at their word."
"That's fair. I mean, if I listened to even half of the rumors about you, I definitely wouldn't be here." Her tone was teasing, but she had been serious. If she hadn't been willing to give Em a chance, or thought too much of the rumors, then she never would've agreed on that first date. How different her life could've been….
"I would've won you over." Emmett told her confidently, even being so bold as to give her a shrug; as though it was mere fact.
"Ah yes, you're a certified playboy. Surely you have tricks up your sleeve." Rachel giggled. Though to be fair, those dimples could've been classified as a weapon. At least in Rachel's opinion.
"Yeah, yeah." Emmett chuckled as he set his plate down. She stretched, wrapping his arm around her to bring her closer. He was so warm, a heater that she appreciated but had a hard time just getting used to. She was always cold, especially her hands, and she'd never held anyone's hand or had physical contact with someone who was much warmer than her.
Emmett sighed as he gently leaned them both back against the couple of small pillows, allowing for a perfect view of the nightly sunset. It was something Rachel took for granted so much. The reds, oranges, blues, and pinks canvassed the sky in a way that Rachel could never capture in any manner other than with her eyes. It could never be replicated, the peace, serenity, and beauty that Rachel had before her. She took a breath right along side him, instinctively leaning in closer.
"Pretty, ain't it?" Rachel sighed, her eyes still on the sky.
"Yeah, you are." Emmett smirked at her as she elbowed him, though they both laughed. "Gotta take the time to tease you while I can. Harvest season is coming up in the next week or two, so I won't be around as much."
"Thank God." Rachel joked before turning serious, "Longer hours during harvest season?"
"Oh yeah. Basically, sunup to sundown, and then some."
"Anything I can do to help?" She didn't know much, or anything, about farming, but if she could help take the load off in any way, she wanted to. Even if she had to shovel or rake or…whatever they did on farms.
Turned out not to matter, Em was a little stubborn. "Nah, we're good. It's all running equipment, so pretty boring."
"I don't care if it's boring." She told him, looking up so he knew she was serious. "Y'all have done a lot for me. If I can help out, I want to. Take some of the burden off of you guys."
"You have school, and volleyball, and work."
"And that doesn't take up all of my time. I'll be fine. If it gets to be too much, I can let you know."
He thought for a moment, almost giving Rachel the impression that he'd say yes. Then he didn't. "I'll let you know if something comes up, okay? The equipment stuff can be hard to teach and kind of a mess if it's not working. I'll let you know though okay?"
Something told her that he wouldn't let her know. Maybe it was the way he brushed her off, or the way he dragged his feet until the last possible moment, but it left Rachel feeling…odd. Almost as though he didn't want her involved or want her around. Was he getting sick of her already?
That thought-line didn't seem to pan out. They celebrated with dinner and dessert when Rachel made the volleyball team. Even Judy had given her a tight hug at Sunday dinner with a, "We're so proud of you, sweetheart! You'll have to let us know when all your games are!"
And, true to her word, Judy showed up to every single one Rachel told her about (which was just a couple home games - Theresa and Dennis barely made those, she certainly didn't expect Judy of all people to make the away ones). Emmett, as she figured he would be, was right by his mother's side, cheering loudly anytime Rachel touched the ball. Though the most interesting game was the one they'd brought Henry along for.
Aside from heckling the ref anytime the poor guy made any call against Rachel's team, Henry was an…enthusiastic cheerleader. Often incorrect, but enthusiastic.
"Don't let her take your hit, Rach! Get up and smack it!"
Rachel tried her best not to laugh, while Alyssa giggled beside her. Henry had zero idea what a libero did, so she wasn't surprised that he didn't know she wasn't allowed to run up and spike the ball. When she could take her eyes off the court long enough, she could see both Emmett and Judy trying to hush the other McCarty up…not that it was helping.
"Foul!" Henry shouted when Rachel dove for the ball and got smacked by her teammate. "That ball was placed in a dangerous situation!"
Thankfully the parents and teams found it amusing and not annoying. Well, except Jordyn.
But the excitement of volleyball couldn't completely mask the growing distance she felt when harvest season started picking up. Emmett was still Emmett, but he was harder to pin down. More distracted. It wasn't his fault, of course, she knew how hard he worked, and she wasn't about to ask him to change that. At the same time, she couldn't shake the nagging thought that maybe she wasn't enough. Or that maybe he just didn't want her around.
The next few weeks passed in a haze of late-night texts, short phone calls, and missed moments.
At first, Rachel tried to convince herself it was fine. Temporary. The long hours were a sign of his dedication, not his disinterest. But the longer it went on, the more the knot in her chest tightened.
Sunday dinners were even different. Once supposed to be a time for the family to slow down and be together, they were now a time where all the boys rushed through the meal, leaving Rachel and Judy to chat amongst themselves after a quick kiss to Rachel's hair and a "I'll be done soon, yeah?"
The first two times, Rachel had waited for him. The house had grown quieter as the clock ticked on. Judy hummed softly as she wiped down the counters, occasionally pausing to ask Rachel something about volleyball or school, but eventually, even she retreated to the living room to work on a quilt.
Rachel stayed in the kitchen, tapping her fingers against the table and staring out the window. The headlights from the tractors flickered in the distance, faint specks of light against the dark horizon. She had texted Emmett once, just a quick message to ask how things were going. But his response was delayed and brief: 'Almost done. Promise.'
By the time the kitchen clock struck ten, the weight of her frustration had settled heavy on her chest. She'd waited for hours, trying to be patient, but the longer she waited, the more foolish she felt. He'd said he wouldn't be long and there she had sat for four hours.
Finally, she had grabbed her bag, bid Judy goodnight, and went home.
Since Emmett still refused her offers to assist, or to sit and chat while he worked, she tried to help out and spend time with him in other ways. Hopefully ways that were more considerate and less bothersome than her hanging around the family dinner. She brought him coffee one morning, hoping to catch him for a few minutes to chat before school.
Thankfully for her, he had just gotten to the end of a section right by the road. He waved as he pulled himself from the machine - a combine she thought it was called - looking thoroughly exhausted. Her heart broke a bit, seeing how tired he looked. If she knew Emmett, he'd been up far too early working after staying up too late.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. When he watched her hold up the cup of coffee, he grinned. "You didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, well, I was hoping we could-"
"Oh!" Em cut her off as a large truck and trailer pulled into the field. "Shit, that's Nolan. I gotta get back in there so we can unload. Thanks for the coffee though!"
He pulled her in for a quick side hug before he took off back to the machine again. Nolan held up a hand in greeting as he drove by, one that could only be weakly returned by Rachel.
The drive to school was a blur. By the time she parked in the parking lot, the lump in her throat had risen high enough to choke her. She sat there for a moment, gripping the steering wheel and breathing hard, as though the silence in the car could somehow soothe the ache she felt.
She wasn't mad at Emmett - she didn't think he was trying to hurt her. But he kept promising to spend time with her or rushed through all of their interactions, and she'd waited and tried to be patient, but it just felt like…like she didn't matter as much as everything else.
And the worst part? She couldn't even blame him for it. He'd warned her about harvest season, about the long hours and the exhaustion, but she hadn't realized how lonely it would feel. How much it would hurt to sit alone, watching his headlights dance across the field or seeing him walk back to that stupid combine, knowing that even if he wanted to come back to her, he couldn't.
She showed up at the McCarty house two nights later, armed with a container of cookies she'd baked the night before. Dennis had been angry that she was 'wasting food on people who didn't even live there' but hopefully the grief he gave her would be worth it. The house was buzzing with activity when she walked in; the boys were rushing around the kitchen, grabbing water bottles and towels, their boots tracking dirt across the floor that Judy hadn't even bothered to mop yet.
"Hey, Rachel!" Judy greeted her warmly, taking the container and peeking inside. "Oh, sweetheart, you didn't have to do this. These look amazing."
"It's no problem," Rachel replied, forcing a smile. "I figured everyone could use some sugar to keep them going."
Judy chuckled. "Well, you figured right. I'll set these aside so they don't disappear before the boys even wash up."
Rachel lingered by the counter, scanning the room for Emmett. He appeared a moment later, dusty and tired, his hair sticking up like he'd run his hands through it too many times. Her heart ached at how exhausted he looked, but she also couldn't help but feel a pang of resentment. She wasn't asking for much, was she? Just ten minutes with him. Just a moment to feel like they weren't drifting further and further apart with each passing day.
"Hey, Rae Rae." His smile was faint but genuine as he kissed her temple. "What're you doing here?"
"I thought I'd stop by and spend a few minutes with you," she said softly. "Or maybe help out a little?"
Emmett winced, rubbing the back of his neck. "Man, I wish I could let you. It's just… it's chaos out there, and there's not much for you to do anyway. It's easier if it's just us."
Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat, her smile faltering. "Right. Of course."
"I'm glad you came, though," he added quickly, his eyes flicking to the door. "I'll try to stop by later tonight, okay?"
She nodded, though her smile felt faker and faker by the minute. "Sure."
Before she could say anything else, Henry strolled into the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel and casting a glance between the two of them. "Rae Rae, you bringing cookies for me again? You really are my favorite."
"They're for everyone," Rachel said with a small laugh, though her voice lacked its usual cheer. Henry's sharp eyes narrowed slightly, tracking her expression as Emmett ducked back out of the house, calling over his shoulder that he'd 'be back in a bit.'
Rachel's gaze lingered on the door for a moment too long before she turned back to Henry. Judy had disappeared with the rest of the boys, leaving the pair. For some reason, it felt less comfortable than normal. Though that was likely just Rachel's sour mood.
Henry leaned against the counter, crossing his arms as he watched her. She could feel his gaze, heavy and curious, like he was dissecting her emotions in real time. It was a strange feeling coming from Henry. Usually loud, obnoxious, and carefree, it felt uncomfortable for the space to be so seriously quiet. Had harvest season knocked some responsibility into him? Or maybe he was lingering just to avoid the work and Rachel was overthinking it.
When she bent to grab a dish towel to dry some wet dishes she'd noticed in the sink, Henry leaned closer and whispered, "Everything alright, Rach?"
Her smile was small and quick, not reaching her eyes. "Yeah, of course. Just tired."
Henry didn't buy it. He waited a moment, then said, "Y'know, Em's been looking like someone kicked his favorite dog lately, too. Funny how you two both look miserable at the same time."
Rachel's head snapped up, her eyes narrowing. "I'm not miserable."
Henry raised a brow, unimpressed. "Right. And I hate cookies."
She bit her lip, fighting back the wave of emotions threatening to break. "It's fine, Henry. Really."
But he didn't drop it. His voice softened, and for once, there wasn't a hint of teasing in his tone. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know. I'm annoying, but I'm not blind. Em's too damn stubborn to realize when he's being an idiot, so if you want me to knock some sense into him, just say the word."
Rachel shook her head quickly, blinking back the sting of tears in her eyes. Despite Henry's words, she was about to let him see her cry a second time. He'd been nice enough not to tease her about the plate incident. She doubted he'd be so friendly again. "Don't. Please. He's…just busy. It's harvest season, right? I get it. I just…I don't want to get in the way."
Henry frowned, studying her for a long minute before he finally gave a slow nod. "Alright, fine. But if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass soon, I'm duct taping him to the kitchen table and making him listen to you."
That earned him a watery laugh, and Rachel swatted his arm. "You're ridiculous."
"Yeah, but you still love me," Henry said with a grin, ruffling her hair like she was one of the kids.
She stuck around for a little longer, chatting with Judy and helping clean up, but her heart wasn't in it. When she left, she tried not to dwell on the fact that Emmett hadn't made it back inside before she walked out the door.
After three days without a single call, she went back over to the McCarty's. She'd missed Sunday dinner, not that anyone seemed to care, and hadn't texted Emmett so she didn't keep bothering him. And she found that if she didn't text him first, he never messaged her.
It was late by the time she got there after practice - around 8:30. She'd planned to shower and eat at home, but after another long day of no word from Emmett, she found herself driving to the farm almost on autopilot. Various emotions swirled around in her brain - frustration, sadness, anxiety - and enough thoughts to fill the Grand Canyon. She hated feeling the way she had, and she hated that she was upset by the events of the last few weeks, but Em couldn't even stop just to shoot her a quick 30 second text and it felt like everything he told her was one big lie. Apparently keeping her around for a long time meant that he'd keep her around until harvest.
When she pulled into the driveway, the house was quiet except for the faint glow of a single kitchen light. As she stepped into the house, it became clear that she missed dinner entirely. Images of the boys grabbing a quick meal between work rotations filled her head. Most of the lights were off, leaving the house feeling empty – certainly not like the usual hustle and bustle of Sunday dinners or late-night chaos.
Judy looked up from the sink as soon as Rachel crossed the entry way, a welcoming smile on her face. "Rachel! Hey, sweetheart. You just missed dinner. You hungry?"
Rachel shook her head, her polite smile fading when she saw how tired Judy looked. She knew the woman must have been cooking and cleaning all day on top of helping the boys keep track of everything. "No, I'm okay. Just thought I'd stop by for a minute."
Judy dried her hands on a dish towel, moving to open the fridge. "Well, there's plenty of leftovers if you change your mind. The boys have been grabbing food as they come in."
Rachel hesitated, shooting a quick glance out the window towards the field. The headlights of the equipment shone brightly. "Are they still out there?"
Judy nodded, glancing at the clock. "Most of them. Nolan came in about thirty minutes ago to shower, but I think Em and Henry are still in the field. They'll be in soon, though - it's getting too dark to keep going."
Rachel took a seat at the island, pushing around the corner of a napkin with her finger while Judy talked. It was nearly impossible for her to catch on to what the woman was saying, but she tried her best to remain engaged.
Eventually, Nolan emerged from the hall, freshly showered and barefoot, grabbing a glass of water.
"Hey Rach. Em should be in soon," Nolan nodded to her, almost as if he could sense Rachel's unspoken question. "Saw him wrapping up when I came in."
Rachel nodded absently, her nerves twisting tighter by the second. Why did seeing her boyfriend make her so nervous?
After grabbing his water, Nolan bid the pair goodnight, mentioning something about watching a show with Heidi, and unknowingly twisting the knife in Rachel's side deeper. He could watch a show with his wife at the end of his work. Emmett could hardly speak to her for a whole 60 seconds….
She wasn't sure if Judy could read her expression or if she actually had things to do, but the older woman excused herself to finish folding laundry, leaving Rachel alone in the quiet kitchen. The house felt far too big for how small she felt at that moment, yet too small to contain her frustration. Doubtful thoughts whirled around her brain, threatening to crack her skull with the speed at which they bounced.
The minutes dragged on, each one making her feel stupider. She should've just gone home. Emmett was busy, he would be tired. There was no way he wanted to hang around with her. And yet, the small little sliver of hope kept her sitting in that chair. The hope that he'd come through the door and be excited to see her and kiss her cheek and ask about her day…just like he used to.
Instead, when the screen door creaked open, and Emmett stepped inside the kitchen, she got nothing.
He looked tired; dust streaked across his shirt, his hair a mess, and his expression dazed with exhaustion. It was a miracle he noticed her sitting there.
"Rae Rae?" His face lit up for a brief second before his brow furrowed. "What're you doing here? It's late."
Rachel's fingers curled tighter around the napkin in her lap. She hadn't thought that far ahead. She really hadn't thought she'd get a chance to actually talk to him. "Uh, I just…I thought maybe we could talk for a minute?"
He sighed as he sat down in the chair beside her, rubbing a hand over his face. "I mean, I guess I can, but how long will it take? I really need to shower and get some sleep. Got an early morning tomorrow. Can it wait until tomorrow night? Or maybe Sunday?"
It was a simple request. Innocent. But it was the last straw. And Rachel snapped.
"No, Emmett," Rachel blurted out, her voice sharper than she intended. "It can't wait until tomorrow. Or Sunday. It feels like all I do is wait for you lately."
Emmett froze mid-motion, his hand dropping slowly from his face. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what it means!" Her voice rose slightly, cracking a little on the edges as the emotions got to her. "It means I've been trying to see you, to spend time with you, and every time, it's 'later' or 'soon' or 'when harvest is over.' And I'm supposed to just sit here and wait for you to finally be ready or finally decide I'm worth your time?"
"Rae…" Emmett sighed, his tone defensive but tired. "It's harvest. It's not forever. You knew it'd be like this. I told you it'd be like this."
"I knew it would be busy, Em," She snapped, pushing her chair back and standing. "I didn't know it would feel like I don't even exist to you."
Emmett stood up too, towering over her but keeping his hands at his sides. "That's not fair. You know how much work this takes. It's my job - this is what my family does; you knew this. What do you expect me to do? Just stop everything because you're lonely?"
The question hit her like a slap in the face, and she recoiled slightly, blinking back tears that came out of nowhere. "You think I don't know how hard you work? That I'm being selfish for wanting five minutes of your time? Do you even know how many times I've just sat here, waiting for you to show up, while you're out in the field? Or how many times I've tried to reach out to you, only to get one-word answers or ignored completely? Or how many nights I've gone home feeling like an idiot because I thought maybe this time, you'd actually want to see me?"
Emmett's face softened slightly, guilt flashing in his eyes, but Rachel wasn't finished. "I've been patient, Emmett. I've told myself over and over that it's just harvest season, that it's temporary, but I can't do it anymore. I can't keep sitting here feeling like I'm not enough for you."
"Not enough?" Emmett's voice rose slightly, frustration flickering to life. "You really think that's what this is about? Rae, it's not about you. It's about the farm, the family. I don't have the time-"
"Exactly!" She rose her voice as well, cutting him off. "You don't have the time. Not for me, not for us. And if that's how it's going to be, then maybe I'm wasting mine."
The room was silent except for Rachel's uneven breathing. Emmett looked stunned, his jaw tight and his eyes flicking over her face like he was trying to make sense of her words. Before he could say anything else, a voice cut through the tension.
"Jesus, you two are loud," Henry drawled from the doorway.
Rachel turned sharply, realizing Henry had been standing just out of sight, listening for who knew how long. Her face flushed deeply, and she moved toward the door to escape it all. "I gotta go."
"Rachel…wait." Emmett reached for her arm, but she pulled away.
"Don't." Her voice trembled a bit, but she knew what she had to do. "I'll see you later. Or, at this point, probably not. It's harvest season. That's all that matters, right?"