AN: Here we are, back with another chapter and the continuation of helping Ruby Rose out of her depressive spell. Enjoy the chapter everyone.
Chapter 79: My Decision
Ruby Rose sat in silence as she contemplated the words Hansel Kobalt spoke to her. A part of her was admittedly stunned that Hansel had come all this way to her own home just to try and comfort her and encourage her in his own way. She had come to like him in the time she had gotten to know him. However, no one who had gotten to know Hansel Kobalt would believe he was the type to be social enough to do something like come all the way to someone else's home just to comfort them…even if he did do it in his own way. She was also completely stunned by the things Hansel admitted to during their chat and the things he told her.
"Kid, I fucking hate my life."
"I don't want you or any of your classmates to turn out like me."
"I will not accept you choosing to become like me: cold, numb and miserable."
Ruby thought back to everything Hansel said to her. Of all the things she could have imagined him saying to her, she never imagined hearing him say not to turn out like him as a Huntsman after all his barely disguised contempt for her naivety. As she gazed down at the letter from Cedric Keeper that Hansel sent her, Ruby knew she had not fully healed from the trauma yet. But now, instead of being cripplingly depressed, Ruby simply found herself deep in thought about everything that happened.
I get what he's saying…but even if I do accept that I can't save everyone…what's the point if I can't make a difference with these powers I have? Ruby wondered. These powers should be used to save the world. So if I can't do that, what's the point? And even worse…what if I end up dying before I even have a chance to make a difference?
Ruby lowered her head. She clutched the letter tightly.
Mom…I don't know what to do. She admitted sadly to herself. At that moment, she heard a knock on her door.
"Sweetie, do you have a minute for your dad?" Taiyang's voice came from the other side. Ruby thought it over. Did she have a minute for her dad? Ruby sighed. She already knew the answer to that. If Taiyang had come to her sooner, she would not have wanted him near her. However, after her talk with Hansel, Ruby had to admit, she was more than ready to talk for others. And besides, maybe talking with her dad could put some more things in perspective.
"Come in," Ruby told Taiyang. Within seconds, Taiyang slowly entered her room. Zwei came bounding after him and leapt into Ruby's lap, nuzzling happily, but also looking up at her and barking in visible concern. Ruby smiled weakly and petted Zwei. Taiyang sat next to her.
"So…I've gotta admit, out of all the people to come and see you, your Combat Instructor was not on the bingo card." Taiyang opened with a little humor to try and lighten the mood. Ruby did not laugh, but she nodded, showing she at least appreciated the joke.
"Yeah, that definitely was a surprise." Ruby acknowledged. "But…I did appreciate it. I mean…I knew he was kind deep down…but I never thought he cared that much."
"But what are you going to do now? I didn't listen in of course…but I do choose to believe he gave you some genuinely good advice." Taiyang said knowingly.
"He did…the problem is though…I feel like…like it's wasted on me…or I'm not even strong enough to get back up and try to follow his advice." Ruby sighed.
"No one's expecting you to feel better instantly after what you've been through, honey." Taiyang gently reassured her.
"I know that, but it still feels like I'll never be able to get back up." Ruby admitted.
"Don't you think it's a little too early to write yourself off like that, Pumpkin?" Taiyang calmly asked her.
"Dad…I know Professor Kobalt did his best and he did give great advice. But I still feel like I can't do it." Ruby pitifully admitted. "I can't be this…great hero I'm supposed to be with these stupid eyes of mine. And what's more…what's worse…I can't be my mom…I can't live up to the example she set…whatever it was."
That made Taiyang fall silent. He thought hard on what he would say in response to this, because he knew that how he responded would determine Ruby's path from here on out. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. Soon, Taiyang realized there was only one thing he could say: the truth. He reached up and patted Ruby on the back.
"No one can live up to Summer." He admitted with a sorrowful expression on his face, remembering all the good times and the bad times with Ruby's mother. Ruby stiffened upon hearing this. Taiyang then continued to speak. "Not even Summer could live up to her own example. She was amazing…but she also put far too much pressure on herself, much like you're doing right now."
"Mom did?" Ruby muttered.
"Ruby, I knew Summer for years." Taiyang reminded her. "During that time, Qrow, Yang's mom Raven, and myself learned much about the Silver Eyes through our interactions with her. In the process, we all learned about the responsibilities she carried. And as much as we all admired her…it also hurt sometimes to see her push herself as hard as she did. She…really wasn't that good at taking care of herself. She was always better at taking care of others."
"Really?" Ruby was now looking at Taiyang. Taiyang nodded.
"And because of that, I watched her doubt herself and second guess every choice she made for as long as she was alive." Taiyang grimly revealed. "The only times I ever saw her happy with herself as a Huntress was if the missions we were on were a perfect success. And to Summer, a perfect success was everyone on the team came back home without injuries and nobody died."
"But…that's…"
"Unreasonable, exactly." Taiyang sighed. "But for Summer, she felt it was completely acceptable to strive for because she had the power to make a difference through those eyes you two share. That obsession made her an incredible Huntress. But it also made her a very sad woman at times."
"...This is the first time you've ever told me this." Ruby noted.
"I didn't want to ruin the image you and Yang had of her." Taiyang admitted. "I always thought that…if the two of you thought she was 'Super Mom' that would be the best way to honor her memory. Now I know the best way to do it is to be honest with the girl who has inherited her responsibilities."
"So then Mom was…never happy?" Ruby asked. Taiyang smiled and shook his head.
"I can't believe that's what you got out of this." He sighed. "Ruby, your mom was a very happy woman. She was just obsessive to a fault. But make no mistake, she was always happy as far as you and Yang were concerned. When she came into my life after…well, after Raven walked out on Yang and me, she smiled brightest from that moment on. And the brightest smile of them all was the one she had when she held you as a baby for the first time."
That made Ruby's heart flutter. Mom was happy. In spite of everything her dad was telling her, she still was able to live happily. But if she was happy, why did she choose to put herself through a life that brought her nothing but emotional torment? Why choose that over a life of peace…over a life with her family? And more importantly…did she regret the fact she died without having accomplished her own responsibility? Ruby still had so many questions.
"Dad…no offense, but can you cut to the point of these stories?" Ruby asked. Taiyang thought it over. How best should he summarize this? He took a deep breath. Summarizing was never his strong suit. Then again, that was a weak point for all members of Team STRQ not named Raven Branwen.
"I guess…the point is maybe your power is a part of who you are…but it's not your whole life." Taiyang tried to explain as best he could. "Yes, you have a responsibility…but not just to the world, but to yourself and to the people who love you. Summer was happy. That said, I don't know if she died with regrets or not for having been unable to fulfil her aspirations as a Huntress. But she was happy, Ruby."
"Dad…how can one be happy without having achieved their aspirations in life?" Ruby asked. "Especially…especially when you have aspirations as big as mine…as big as Mom's."
"...I honestly don't know, Rubes." Taiyang admitted. "That answer differs from person to person. But I will say this…if your Mom were here right now, there's no doubt in my mind she'd tell you the same things I'm telling you. So…at the very least, try to keep everything I say in mind. I don't want you to lose sight of yourself and what is also important besides the world, Ruby. And I know Summer wouldn't either."
Taiyang patted Ruby's shoulder. Ruby stiffened at the contact. She took a deep breath.
"I'll…think about all you said, Dad. I promise." Ruby forced a smile. "I just…between you and everything Professor Kobalt said to me…I've got a lot to process."
"Can I get you anything?" Taiyang offered.
"...Nothing. I think I'm just going to read this." Ruby held up the letter Hansel left for her. "I owe Cedric that much."
"Sounds good, sweetie. But if you need anything, I'm here for you. Yang and I both are." Taiyang promised before rising from the bed and leaving Ruby's room. Zwei stayed snuggled up to Ruby, clearly having no intention of leaving her side. Ruby could not help but smile at Zwei's behavior. He really was a good boy.
"Not gonna leave eh…I guess that makes three men in my life who refuse to leave me alone to my misery, eh Zwei?" Ruby joked bitterly as she opened up the sealed envelope addressed to her. As soon as she saw the letter inside, she saw the handwriting of a child. Thankfully, Ruby was able to discern it quite easily.
"Dear Ruby,
You're easy to get, so I know how sad you must be right now because everyone else is gone. Well, I'm sad too. I just wanted to write you this letter to tell you that you don't have to be sad. It wasn't your fault. It was only the bad guy's fault. And also, thank you for saving my life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. When I'm grown up, I'm going to become a Huntsman too. Then I can be cool and save someone else's life too. Maybe I'll even save your life to pay you back. I hope your family is doing okay, and I hope you get better.
Signed,
Cedric"
Almost instantly, teardrops stain the letter. Zwei yipes up at Ruby in concern. Ruby gazes at Cedric's sincere, innocent words as she sobs quietly. She lowers her head.
"I get it, okay." She muttered. "I get it. I'll try to move forward. I promise I'll try. I just…I need to find out how."
Meanwhile, a few hours later Ozpin and Qrow were on the steps of the Xiao Long-Rose household. Qrow looked at Ozpin. He winced at Ozpin's expression. The man clearly was still bothered by his exchange with Hansel Kobalt. His expression was stiff and frustrated. Qrow took a deep breath.
"Sir, should you really be meeting with my niece while you're like this?" Qrow asked.
"Drop it, Qrow." Ozpin said sharply. "I hit my boy…I have to live with that."
"Oz, if you recognize it was the wrong thing to do…" Qrow trailed off.
"Qrow, drop it." Ozpin repeated before sighing. "I went too far, I recognize that. But I can't ignore and forget him lashing out either. As the one who leads our group…these kinds of actions…they can break the group apart. The moment we show weakness is the moment Salem slithers in and places her claws around this world's throat."
"And if you let the group fall around by driving Hansel away, we're also weakened." Qrow gently explained. "Look, Oz, I've got no right to lecture anyone on good parenting…but don't you think you're going about this the wrong way? You know how strongly Hansel feels about Gray Jackal. I get that you have all the faith in the world that he can be a good teacher that'll nurture the next generation of Huntsmen. And I get that you're worried he's going to run himself into the ground at the rate he's going. Hell, I'm worried about that too and so is Glynda. But you've gotta communicate all of this to him. You can't just order him around and expect him to believe it's for his own good like you used to. He's too old for that."
"I…" Ozpin began, trailing off.
"If you really want Hansel to understand all of this, you need to communicate it to him directly from father to son, not just order him around like a general does for his soldiers or how a teacher teaches his pupil." Qrow told him. "Hansel's a man now. You can't talk to him like he's still that little boy who hung on your every word out of gratitude and admiration for you, the man who saved his life."
That seemed to make Ozpin relax considerably. Qrow's face softened. He sighed.
"At the very least," he continued, "you need to fix this so that the two of you can go back to the way you were before. You two have been far too close for too long to let this destroy the bond you two share."
"You may be right for once." Ozpin admitted.
"Yeah, I am." Qrow nodded. His expression then darkened. "And if that's not enough to convince you, then consider this: you definitely need to fix things with him before Glynda finds out. You know she's gonna throttle you if she finds out you hit Hansel and had a falling out with him before you fix things."
That made Ozpin shiver in fright. That terrified him more than he cared to admit. Glynda would break every bone in his body if she found out what happened between him and Hansel. It did not matter how loyal she was to the man, she would choose her adopted son over him every time. Qrow was right. If Glynda found out he argued with Hansel, or even worse hit him, she would go on the warpath and would not stop until he was hospitalized for a week at least, a month at most.
"Y-yes, fair enough." Ozpin acknowledged. "That is…definitely a worst case scenario. One I need to avoid at all costs."
"Damn straight," Qrow nodded, "and if Glynda doesn't kill you, she'll definitely kill me for not stepping in and stopping that mess. And I'm way more expendable than you are. You're lucky that the Huntsmen of Beacon are busy dealing with the fallout of that incident. So for my sake, fix things before Glynda kills me."
At that moment, Ozpin let out a light laugh. His expression softened as he relaxed for the first time in awhile.
"Fair enough, Qrow." He nodded. "I'll…try to get into contact with Hansel and fix things between us. But first…I owe it to your niece to try and help her. Hansel was right about one thing. I did drag her into all of this before she was ready. So I owe it to her and to her mother to try and make things right if she's truly suffering right now."
"...I suppose I can at least appreciate that much." Qrow nodded as the two resumed walking up to the doorstep. Ozpin politely wrapped at the door with his knuckles. The door opened moments later. Taiyang was on the other side. His expression immediately darkened at the sight of his old headmaster and teammate.
"Well, we're getting a lot of visitors today." Taiyang noted.
"What's that supposed to mean, Tai?" Qrow raised an eyebrow, realizing there was meaning behind that statement.
"Never mind, Qrow, that's not important right now." Ozpin said, unknowingly falling victim to irony. Ozpin looked at Taiyang. "Tai, may I please speak with Ruby? As her headmaster I consider it my responsibility to make sure she's well."
"You've got some nerve showing up on my doorstep, Professor." Taiyang shook his head. "Last time we let you into our lives, Summer-"
"Dad, it's fine," everyone turned to see Ruby Rose, having finally left her room, "honestly, I'm kinda glad Professor Ozpin is here. It makes this…much easier on me."
"You sure, pumpkin?" Taiyang asked, genuinely surprised to hear her say this. Ruby nodded without hesitation. She walked past her father, right up to Ozpin. Ozpin winced at the sight of her. Simply put, the girl looked terrible. Her eyes were red from crying, and her expression, while calm, could still be described as 'dead inside'. Ozpin remembered how hopeful Ruby looked when he first met her that night inside of the interrogation room at that police station. At that moment, he truly regretted telling Ruby everything. Hansel was right. She was not ready. She already looked broken.
"Come on, I could use some fresh air." Ruby said in an eerily calm tone of voice as she walked past Ozpin. Qrow winced at his niece's tone.
"Kid…"
"Uncle Qrow…could you please let Professor Ozpin and I talk alone?" Ruby asked. Her tone had little emotion yet Qrow could tell she was leaving no room for argument here.
"...Sure." Qrow nodded, stepping aside to allow Ozpin to fall into step with Ruby. Ozpin silently walked alongside Ruby as she led him to the location she wanted to talk to him. He specifically made sure not to talk. He knew that Ruby had to be the one to start this conversation for it to go anywhere. Soon, the two arrived at a cliff overlooking the rest of Patch Island. Ozpin saw a single grave at the edge of the cliff. Upon getting closer, he saw the epitaph and the name.
"Summer Rose, thus kindly I scatter." Ozpin's face fell at the sight. Summer. Of course. Gods, just seeing her grave brought a variety of sad memories and regrets. Back then, Ozpin had honestly believed that Summer would be the one to finally do it. If she had lived longer, Ozpin believed she would have quickly been recognized as a Legend, maybe even the strongest of the ten. He certainly believed that if she had lived longer she would be revered as the best Huntress to ever graduate from Beacon Academy. Better even than the legendary Ashley Hollow, who was widely regarded as the finest graduate ever and would have been the undisputed strongest in the entire world even now if she had not died tragically in the field.
"...I understand why you'd want us to talk here." Ozpin acknowledged, wincing at the fact he broke his own internal vow to let Ruby be the one to start this chat. "Being here brings you comfort, doesn't it?"
"...Yeah." Ruby did not trust herself to say anything else. Ozpin fell silent once more. Ruby had to start the important part of this chat. He had no right to start and try to steer the conversation how he liked. He owed her that much. Ruby took a deep breath. "Sir, I've made up my mind."
"Have you now," Ozpin muttered. Ruby nodded.
"I want to keep going…but…a lot of things need to happen first. A lot of questions need to be answered first." Ruby explained.
"I see…what kinds of things? What kinds of questions?" Ozpin gently inquired.
"Dad says that Mom was obsessive to a fault when it came to her responsibilities as a Huntress and as someone who has silver eyes." Ruby explained to Ozpin. "He said she stressed over…literally everything regarding the job because she felt she had to be…perfect, in a way."
"I…won't deny that was Summer's greatest flaw." Ozpin sighed. "She stressed over so many things. Qrow and Taiyang had to talk her off the proverbial ledge quite a few times. She was a wonderful woman…but she felt things more than most people."
Like mother, like daughter. Ruby bitterly noted to herself. It did get her thinking though. Was this truly the right thing to do? To choose to continue and go down the same road as her. Then Ruby remembered Cedric's letter and what she wanted to accomplish before she could continue with a clear conscience and reminded herself that was exactly what she wanted.
"Dad also said that in spite of all of that, she was happy." Ruby continued to speak. She winced, almost like she could not believe Summer managed to be happy in spite of all that mental baggage. "He said she was happy because she had him, Yang and me…but he also could not say with certainty if Mom died with regrets or not."
"She was happy." Ozpin allowed himself to smile, assuring Ruby. "Ruby, when your mother was not undertaking missions for me she was constantly talking about the latest 'wonderful' things you and Yang were doing. Being a mother was her greatest joy."
"Some 'greatest joy'," Ruby bitterly noted, "she chose her duty over us…"
"It was because she had you that she chose her duty." Ozpin gently corrected. Ruby let out an exhale she did not even know she was holding. "Don't ever mistake the fact that she loved all of you, Ruby. It's because she was your mother that she chose her duty. Not because she didn't care, but because she was your mother.
"Is it really that simple?" Ruby asked.
"One day, when you have a child…I think you'll understand." Ozpin promised.
"...But she still might have died with regrets." Ruby noted.
"What makes you say that?" Ozpin asked curiously.
"What makes me say that?" Ruby looked at Ozpin incredulously. "Sir, you of all people should know that. Salem is still active. Grimm are still killing people. Madmen are still running around. The world is so…so…so…fucked up! How could she not have had regrets when she died? If she really is obsessive like that…how could she not have regrets when she died without accomplishing anything?"
Ozpin winced. Ruby cursing did not sound right at all. Then he remembered Hansel had the mouth of a sailor. He made a note to have a long chat about watching his language around his students when he reconciled with the young man. Ruby took a deep breath to regain her composure. She then gave Ozpin a pleading expression.
"Professor…I want to keep going. This little boy I saved back in Thimble…he sent me a letter thanking him for saving his life. I…I let a lot of people down, but I still saved one and made a difference in his life. I want to keep going for that little boy. But…I need to understand a few things first." Ruby weakly admitted.
"Go on," Ozpin encouraged.
"Professor…if my mom died with regrets…I can only imagine that many of the Huntsmen and Huntresses with silver eyes died with regrets too." Ruby noted in a surprisingly sage tone of voice. "And not just the ones with silver eyes…but also regular Huntsmen and Huntresses as well."
"...I suppose there is some truth to that." Ozpin acknowledged.
"So…what's the point then?" Ruby asked. "Before I continue…I need to know what the point of putting ourselves through all of this…this trauma and sorrow if you're just going to die with regrets and not having accomplished anything? What's the point of having all this great power when you'll ultimately fail to do anything with it? I want to believe it's worth continuing on…but I want to know what really makes it worth it. That's what I need to understand before I go on. I used to believe it was just about making sure everyone got their happy ending…but now I'm realizing that's not enough. Sometimes you're going to let people down…and sometimes you're going to die before you can accomplish that. So I need to know if that's not what it's all about, what is?"
Ozpin remained silent, letting all of these words sink in. Everything she was saying sounded completely reasonable. And as her Headmaster, he owed it to her to answer those questions as best he could.
"Professor Ozpin…what does it mean to be a Huntress really? What does it mean to have all this power? What does it mean to have silver eyes? I need to understand all of this before I continue. That is my decision" Ruby asked, summarizing all her concerns. Ozpin took a deep breath. How would he answer that? What was the best way to go about this?
I used to think my past experiences with Silver-Eyed Warriors and having Hansel serve as a benchmark and rival for her to strive for would be enough. Hansel's presence has clearly helped…but it's clear to me now I've neglected the emotional and mental toll this is taking on her. How should I help her to understand while also helping her understand her heritage…understand what it means to be a Silver-Eyed Warrior? As Ozpin thought it over, he slowly began to draw a conclusion that admittedly gave him pause. However, based on everything Ruby was struggling with, all roads lead to that place.
"Ruby, I'll admit that there are many things I could say to you to try and explain what it truly means to be a Silver Eyed Warrior and what the point of having your power is." Ozpin acknowledged. "However…I fear nothing I could say would reassure you completely. Would you say that's a…fair assessment?"
Ruby thought it over. It was a fair assessment. As she was now, she would always have that lingering doubt. A part of her was hoping Ozpin had something special to offer her. Something that could clear her doubts completely. The question now was did he? Ozpin took a deep breath. He knew he was taking a massive gamble. But maybe, just maybe, that place had just enough magic left to give Ruby the help she needed.
"There's an island off the coast of Beacon." Ozpin revealed. "It's not on any official maps, hidden from the world. Has been for…millennia in fact."
"Okay…" Ruby trailed off, looking more interested. She may be depressed but the fantastic still fascinated her. Ozpin took a deep breath and continued.
"The island is steeped in a time-honored tradition. It is where Silver-Eyed Warriors travel to undergo a trial." Ozpin explained.
"What…kind of trial?" Ruby asked curiously.
"That, even I don't know." Ozpin admitted. "But I do know that the island is also filled with a vast library. It will likely contain plenty of knowledge on Silver Eyed Warriors."
"But…I don't want knowledge or trials, Professor. I want answers." Ruby pointed out.
"Ruby, your mother underwent that trial." Ozpin revealed. Ruby's eyes widened at this knowledge. "And while she could not say what happened during…she did explain to me that the trial provided her a sense of clarity. I don't know if it'll provide the clarity you need. But I would start there."
"A hidden island with a trial, huh?" Ruby muttered. "And you're saying…Mom returned with a sense of clarity."
"She said she had a greater sense of self as a result." Ozpin nodded. "If you are looking to understand what it means to be a Silver Eyed Warrior and hopefully learn what the point of your power is in a twisted world like ours…this island would be the best place to start. You may disparage the idea of knowledge and trials right now. But it may be what you need."
"...I guess it's a matter of you getting out what you put into it, right?" Ruby asked softly. Ozpin nodded.
"And with your thirst for understanding…I think you'll get plenty out of it Ruby." Ozpin promised.
"So…the island is hidden? Yet you know where it is?" Ruby raised an eyebrow. Ozpin nodded.
"It is one of the best kept secrets in all of Remnant. It is an island of knowledge, magic and legends." Ozpin revealed. "And while it is most known for its trial for Silver Eyed Warriors…plenty of Huntsmen of legend have gone to train there and have returned changed men and women."
"Wow…you know, I have to admit, if I wasn't in such a…rough mood right now, I'd be pretty excited by all of this." Ruby admitted. Ozpin could not help but breathe a sigh of relief when he saw the small, faint smile on her lips. "I mean, an island kept secret from the world where warriors train? Sounds like something out of a video game."
"I suppose it does." Ozpin acknowledged.
"And…how exactly would I get to this island?" Ruby asked curiously. Ozpin smiled, realizing he was finally piquing her interest.
"I can have an airship charter course there. Of course, you'll be guided and supervised by someone I trust. Likely someone like Dr. Oobleck, Professor Port or Qrow."
"Uncle Qrow has a pilot's license?" Ruby winced at the thought of her drunk uncle behind the wheel of literally anything.
"...Surprisingly yes, but it would be mostly on autopilot." Ozpin promised, totally understanding and agreeing with her concern about her uncle's alcoholism.
"Professor…what even is this place called?" Ruby asked curiously. "I mean…this island has to have a name, right?"
"It does have a name," Ozpin admitted, "it is the island of eternal dreams, brave warriors, unbelievable legends, and endless knowledge."
"And its name?" Ruby was starting to sound more and more interested with how Ozpin was describing it.
"Its name…is Avalon." Ozpin revealed. Ruby let out a gasp just from hearing the name. It sounded spectacular, unbelievable; simply magical. All she could do was repeat the name herself in awe.
"Avalon…"
AN: And now we enter Arthurian Legend. Should be fun, right? But yeah, next arc is the Avalon Arc. I've been looking forward to this one. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for your continued support. I'll see you all next time. Follow, Favorite and Review. We're over 550 favorites, over 600 follows and over 300 reviews. I wanna see those numbers continue climbing.