Just a disclaimer: This is a hate/ troll fic meant to crap on and insult Kursed in every way I could think of. For fun of course. If you are mad at me for this, I don't know why you read the story. This isn't a personal attack on anyone, just a silly thing I did for my own amusement
Corneria Spaceport, Lylat System
Kursed stepped out of the bathroom of her ship, having just finished putting on her dark eyeliner and reapplying her dark purple fur dye, to keep people from seeing her true colors.
"Lol, that was poetic and multilayered" Kursed thought.
She checked her holophone for a reminder of her latest assignment, she was supposed to assassinate a certain beloved blue vixen. But not in the conventional sense. This was a very special type of assassination, one of the character variety.
Looking on her wall, she noted the tool for the deed; a large sniper loaded with a special type of bullet. One that, per the powers of something called a "plot", could ruin anyone or anything.
And of course, split an entire fandom.
Laughing evilly, the purple vixen went to her room and looked around. Her room had only the most important things to Kursed; a picture of her and a Panther drunk at a bar near her bed. A Cerinian staff on the wall to remind her how much she hated her previous characterization. And of course her most valued possession…
Her Andross-signed Venom flag on the wall.
Saluting her great but late emperor and his glorious dynasty, she opened her closet. She looked at her wardrobe; black pants, black tank tops, black boots, and of course her Venomian army bomber jacket. The pants and boots were all leather of course. She put her hand to her chin in thought.
"Hmm, what to wear?" she mused to herself.
She then opted to remove her current tank top and wear only a sexy breast cover. She then put on her favorite pair of black boots, grabbed her holster from her wall and then grabbed her sniper.
She opted to put in earbuds and play the latest emo music she could think of.
With that she decided to walk out the door of her ship, which was currently parked in the Cornerian space port.
A few hour later
After a few hours of carrying a giant sniper rifle on her back in a public area without incident, she finally made it to her destination: A park in the middle of Corneria city. A park where the Mcloud family was heading towards, according to her mysterious client who totally wasn't Panther. And if it was, he was totally not mad at Krystal for not being with him.
Or so Panther had claimed to her.
Anyway, Kursed climbed a tree and sat there, waiting for the Mccloud family to walk by her. While she did this, she could not help but think about things… what led her to this moment.
She thought about her closet support of Andross, her relationship with a womanizer like Panther, her petty anger after being dumped(by Fox in an alternative universe or something), and the insane lengths she had gone to join a criminal gang, lure Fox into a death trap, and become a sociopathic killer.
All over a breakup. When she could literally just read Fox's mind to know he just wanted to protect her; or do anything other than become evil.
"I' am wondering if I overreacted." Kursed thought. One look at her outfit and remembering what she was doing made her recall she was basically evil now. She pondered this for a moment but shrugged. "Oh well, there is no going back. I went across another dimension for this job, I am not backing out." she mused.
To her excitement, her target walked into her line of sight. Krystal, along with Fox, and their son Marcus, a 5 or 6 year old kit, were walking down the path
Kursed took a moment to soak in the sight
Krystal wore a blue dress, while Fox wore a white collared shirt and grey pants. Their son wore blue shirt and grey shorts. They were smiling and laughing together. And even hugging; it seemed like they were gonna have a picnic, based off the bag Krystal carried.
Kursed felt anger; they looked happy. She hated happiness almost as much as she hated good writing; she wouldn't exist if her game had decent writing at all.
She loaded a bullet into her sniper and drew it from her harness. She set the rifle to "ruin character". She laughed ever so evilly.
"Mahahaha, Nintendo will never touch you or this franchise for years after I'm done with you." She snickered.
She took aim at Krystal, the vixen's head visible in her rifle's scope. She good not stop herself from laughing. "Say goodbye to your good PR." she mused. "Maybe if you're really lucky, Sakurai will let you be an assist trophy in Smash Ulitmate. Or maybe you'll even appear in a few fangames and or mods voiced by Estelle Ellis, but that's as good as it will get for you. You'll never be in a main-line Star Fox title again! Mahahahahah!" the mad vixen cackled.
Kursed pulled the trigger, but her eyeliner had gotten into her eye and then she missed.
The Mcclouds barely even noticed the bullet fly several yards above their heads; and hit a tree. They then went back to their walk after barely a second of looking around, and a shrug from each of them.
Kursed experienced angst like nothing she had before; she was so angsty she snapped her rifle in half and then fell out of the tree, landing on the ground with a resounding thud. She threw a tantrum on the ground so embarrassing that even a toddler would scoff at it.
A few hours later
Now back in her ship, having met no resistance from the Corneria police for walking around after a gunshot sounded in the public area, Kursed was crazy drunk and angsting on her bed. Panther had sent a text denying payment for her failure. Also, he was dumping her. So she coped with her angst in the only way she knew how.
She did about three salutes to her Andross flag and then made the rational life choice to flee the galaxy and become a sociopathic bounty hunter who wears dark clothing.
And then she realized she had already done that.
So instead she angsted some more on her bed or something, only for a news alert from her phone to get her attention. When she saw the news report, she was nothing but giddy.
Andross' grandson, Dash, had inexplicably become a conqueror just like his grandfather whom he claimed to be different from. And now Dash was recruiting for his new empire.
Punching in her ship's autopilot towards Venom, Kursed passed out on the floor.
A few hours later on Venom
Kursed has reawakened from her haze to the most glorious sight: Venom. In all, it's post-apocalyptic glory.
Kursed immediately got up and put her head to the nearest window. She had not quite smiled so hugely before in her life; at least not in some time. She immediately punched in the coordinates to the nearest spaceport and went to her room to get changed. "Soon, haha, soon the great dynasty shall rise again!"
(five minutes later)
She landed in a spaceport, somewhere on Venom. Not that this story had the world-building to make you care where or that the writer put any thought into giving Venom named locations. The city she landed in was metallic and futuristic, in stark contrast to the desolate wasteland of an environment that composed much of the planet.
After exiting the spaceport, of course, dressed in her Venom bomber jacket and fake mustache, Kursed walked outside of the spaceport and looked around at her new environment. The city, though shiny from afar, was full of trash and litter, with people of different species going around committing crime; such as the two apes beating up a crashed car with baseball bats a few hundred yards to her right, for some reason. Seeing they two wore the Andross memorabilia jacket she did, she approached them.
"Good day, my fellow patriots. Where might I go to sign up for Dash Bowman's army? I heard he was starting up the regime again."
The apes looked at her like she was dumb. One laughed "Uh, nowhere. He said he was going to build a new empire, but then changed his mind in the middle of his speech; he forgot his exact reason for even wanting to after spending years going on about being "not like his granddad."
Kursed eyes twitched and all of her enteral fury and against let out all at once; she somehow managed to kick the remains of the car into the nearby street out of pure enraged adrenaline.
"Damn it! My glorious dynasty! Now I need some freaking catharsis…" she mused to herself, looking around. "Which way to the nearest bar; I wanna go visit some sailors," she stated.
The dumbfounded apes pointed her up the street, wordlessly. Nodding in thanks, she walked off in the direction they pointed.
Five hours later
In-room 4 of a shady motel a few blocks down, Kursed had found what she sought. Smoking a cigarette in the after-glow of her latest sexual encounter. She watched as her bedmate, an ape in a sailor uniform, left the room and walked out past the line of sailors queuing outside her room.
Another ape sailor walked in and asked her one question. 'Are you ready to be like the Star Fox franchise after Command?" He inquired.
Kursed smirked. "Whatever do you mean?"
The sailor chuckled. "Because we're about to get fucked; by you to be precise."
And then they had sex and Kursed angsted some more or something.
To anyone who made it through this dumbass parody, I thank you.