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Chapter 33
Tobias' POV
Last time on Tris the Virgin
The sound of the lock turning, I turned just in time to see the door open slightly enough for Tris' frame to walk through the door. Our eyes connect, the passion between us alive.
"Your home," I announce, I feel the smile on my face widen at the thought that she came home. to us.
"I had to come home." She says, as she sits her bag down by the front door. She walks over to where I'm standing, glancing in the bassinet at our sleeping daughter. She smiles, pausing to kiss the top of her sweet little head.
"I'm glad you are home."
"Me too." She steps closer to me, our eyes focus on nothing else but each other.
"Tris, I have to tell you something…" I begin, pausing to make sure I have her full attention. "I think I'm in love with you," I confess.
"You think? Maybe we should get you a paper and pen, so you can write down the pros and cons." She jokes; I can't help the chuckle that escapes my lips. She reaches out, both her hands landing on my biceps. She slowly raises her hands to my shoulders. Her beautiful blue-gray eyes are full of passion.
"Perhaps we should," I joined in on the joke. "Fine, I love you." I say with seriousness in my tone.
"Good, because I love you too." She says, her voice sweet and peaceful. I lean down, needing to taste her as I take her in my arms.
"Merry Christmas, Tris." I mutter into her ear when we finally break apart.
"Merry Christmas, Tobias." She says, returning my words.
Merry Christmas indeed.
That was the night everything changed for us. The night that we finally did not want to deny what we were feeling for eachother anymore. I don't think I have ever been happier. Although we both agreed on taking it slow for Sofie's sake. A part of me wanted to skip ahead. We already share a daughter and are living together. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Tris is who I want forever. But I also knew that this is what Tris needed. I shutter at the memory from the first time we gave us a shot…
Flashback
After Tris' fear landscape test
"You, okay? I ask, unable to keep my hands to myself, I reach out cradling Tris' head. I swallow past the lump in my throat as my body comes to life. I can't help the fucking smile on my face as I lean in to kiss her. I lose myself in her, feeling her, tasting her. I can't help but want more of her. My other hand pushes her jacket off her shoulders, needing to touch more of her skin, to have her as close to me as possible.
In Abnegation we were raised with the notion that anything that feels good must be selfish. The act between a man and a woman should only be shared with the purpose of making a life. However, I can't imagine something that feels this good, something that I want to share with her especially could be selfish.
She pushes herself away from me, as her jacket hits the floor. She covers her eyes with her away from me, I feel slightly disappointed. I thought we were on the same page.
"What's wrong?" I ask, once more. Tris begins to shake her head, rejecting me. "Don't tell me it's nothing," I demand. Needing to know what is going on inside her head. Is it me? Maybe I was wrong, maybe she knows too much and is now turned off. But be as it may, I need to know right now. "Hey, look at me." I order her, grabbing her by one of her arms. Wishing she wouldn't hide from me. My jaw clenches the second I see the fear in her eyes, the doubt in her face. She's scared of me?
"Sometimes I wonder what's in it for you. This. Whatever it is?" She finally blurts out.
"What's in it for me?" My eyes crease together, confused by her words. I take a step back. Her words sting me as I realize what she meant. As if I'm only in this for something specific. I can't believe she would think that. "You're an idiot, Tris." I get out. Haven't I been clear all along?
"I'm not an idiot. Which is why I know it's a little weird that from all the girls you could have in Dauntless you chose me." She says, as if making a point. But she couldn't be more off. "So if you're just looking for… You know…That."
"What, sex?" I ask, needing to make sure we are for sure on the same page. I'm surprised that she doesn't notice that I am just as scared and terrified as she is. Sure there have been girls in the past few years that have made their wants very known. But never did I give in, never did I want to do the things I want to do when I'm with her. Unlike our peers in Dauntless, I don't think you should just sleep with anyone just for the pleasure of getting around.
"You know, if that's all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I'd go to." I point out, hating how my voice sounds more like Four to her then the Tobias I want to be with her. But she needs to know that if it was just about sex, I could easily find that somewhere else. I'm not just in it for that.
I instantly regret the words once I say them. Knowing how she could easily misunderstand what I mean. I see the pain in her eyes, the tears that she fights to hold back. Fuck, I fucked up.
"I think I better go now," She says, her voice cracking at the end as she turns towards the door. Shit, no. I called for her. Hurrying behind her, wanting to explain myself.
"Let me go!" She screams out, her face full of rage at me. It stops me in my tracks. In that split second, she is out the door and down the hall without so much as looking back.
"I'm sorry." I barely whisper, regretting how quickly things turned for the worst. I closed the door behind her, wishing I could take it all back. But knowing, somehow, it was probably for the best. She deserves better. I am good for nothing.
Flashback ends.
It's why it was important to me to set whatever happened right. She needed to know how sorry I was for what I said. I didn't mean how the words sounded.
"Tris, I need to get a few things straight…" I began.
"What is it, Tobias?" She asked, cautiously releasing herself from my hold. I took her hand, guiding her towards the couch.
"Tris do you remember that day on your fear landscapes test?" I begin.
"How could I forget?" She says, her eyes filled with pain thinking of that day.
"Tris, I need to make myself perfectly clear on what I meant."
"Oh Tobias, we don't…" Tris tries to say, obviously not wanting to relive that moment.
"We do…We do because I want to do things right. Get us on the right foot." I explained, wishing that she would let me continue. "That day when I said if that's all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I'd go to." I repeat the words that haunted me till this day. "Tris... What I really meant was that I wasn't in it for the sex." I say, instantly regretting even those words. "I mean… It would have been a bonus." Yup that wasn't any better. "I mean… I mean that Tris I was trying to say that I knew you weren't that person to just sleep with. I wanted more. I wanted to take things slow and experience life in Dauntless with you. To experience parties, and midnight movies and dinners. Maybe even go on double dates with Zeke and Shauna. To ask you to get a place with me and when you were ready to take that step and get engaged and married…" I rant, wanting her to desperately understand.
"So you did want me?" She asks.
"Of course I did. Tris… You were and are everything I wanted. You are intelligent, selfless, brave, honest, and so kind. Not to mention beautiful." I express, reaching to cup her face in my hand.
"But you agreed I wasn't pretty." She reminds me of our conversation.
"Because to me… You were pretty Tris. You're beautiful," I confess. I wipe the single tear that escapes her eyes, I don't hesitate to wipe it away.
"Why did it take you all this time to say something?" She asked.
"I let my fear run me. Thinking that you would be better off with anyone other than me." She halts her words as she is ready to rebuttal my words… "Tris, I know I showed you my four fears…But that day… That day my fears changed. I was no longer afraid of my father and you did that. But what I feared the most was becoming him. Tris I was scared that in the end I would hurt you."
"You would never." Tris says, without hesitation.
"I know that now… I could never hurt our daughter or you." I promised. "I'm just sorry it took me so long to tell you." I lean in, gently kissing her lips.
"I think that we need to agree on a few things… For the sake of us and our daughter." Tris begins, I can't help the confusion on my face.
"I think… We should promise each other that communication, honesty (no matter what), and loyalty should always be our number one priority." She says, holding both my hands firmly.
I can't help but smile as I squeeze her hands back as I nod my head before I agree with her, "I couldn't agree with you more, Tris. No more secrets." I lean in, resting my forehead against hers as we both smile in agreement.
A/N
Promises were made and broken about our return to fanfiction. I'm sorry for that.
Unfortunately life in 2025 has been cruel and exhausting so far. Filled with emergency surgeries, sickness and a hard recovery. And just when things couldn't go more crazy, the world around us seemed more and more out of control. Even now with my husband back to work, the world seems to be moving at a faster pace with even more future medical issues.
FDFobsessed and I have spoken and although we feel our time with fanfiction is not done. We will be sticking with more short stories in the future for now. We also will be adjusting the days to when we do publish stories and chapters. So please stay tuned for that. Make sure you are following trini86 so you don't miss out on alerts of future stories.
Like always happy reading, stay safe and be healthy,
Trini
Revised by FDFobsessed
