This is purely for fun and isn't in any way a serious or properly thought-out story. So yes, some characters may be slightly out-of-character and/or lacking their full nuance. That said, I hope you have fun and this dumb crack fic can make you smile.

Fate/Hijacked

Chapter 1

It was a cold night in Fuyuki City. Shirou Emiya stumbled through the corridors of his empty house, a dull ache throbbing in his chest as he recalled the events that led him here. It had been another long day, one filled with the ordinary routine of school, chores, and an unusual unease that he couldn't quite place. But now, with the moon casting faint light into his dimly lit shed, Shirou knew something had gone horribly wrong.

The piercing gaze of the blue-clad lancer bore into his very soul. Lancer, a servant from legends long past, was staring at him with deadly intent. The weapon in his hand, a crimson spear dripping with bloodlust, was poised to end Shirou's life. There was no escape, no time to even understand what was happening.

"Sorry, kid," Lancer said with a grin that held no malice but carried the inevitability of death. "You weren't supposed to see all of this. But don't worry, this'll be quick."

Shirou's mind raced, desperately searching for a way out, but he knew in his gut that there was no escape. His body tensed, prepared for the final blow. Lancer lunged forward, the tip of his cursed spear aiming straight for Shirou's heart.

But at that moment, the world warped. The air rippled with strange magic, a bright light enveloping the shed, so powerful it forced Lancer to retreat a few steps. In an instant, the spear stopped short of Shirou's chest, mere inches away. Confusion flashed across Lancer's face, his instincts kicking in as he immediately braced himself for an unexpected opponent.

A feminine, lilting voice echoed from within the light. It was smooth, flirtatious, and full of amusement. "My, my, it looks like someone's having quite the party without me. I hope you don't mind if I join?"

The light began to fade, and from the centre of the magical swirl, a figure emerged. She was breathtakingly beautiful, with long flowing silver hair, violet eyes that sparkled with mischief, and an attire that seemed both ancient and otherworldly, as though it belonged to a realm beyond the comprehension of ordinary men. A staff materialized in her hand, delicate yet brimming with magic, and an aura of powerful mystery surrounded her.

Lancer's eyes narrowed as he lowered his spear defensively. "Who the hell are you?"

The woman gave a sly, enchanting smile. "Me? I'm just a humble lady who couldn't resist stepping in at the right moment. You can call me... Lady Avalon."

Lancer scoffed, though he didn't relax his stance. "Tch. Another Servant. Just my luck."

Shirou, who had been frozen in place, blinked in disbelief. This wasn't anyone he knew or had seen before, nor was it the figure he vaguely sensed he was supposed to summon. Something was off, but at the same time, this woman had saved his life. The sheer force of her presence, radiating warmth and charm, was staggering.

"W-what's going on?" Shirou stammered, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lady Avalon glanced over her shoulder, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. "You, dear boy, just happened to call for a little help at the perfect moment. And, well, let's just say I couldn't resist answering." She winked at him, her eyes gleaming with amusement. "Congratulations! You've summoned me, the magnificent Lady Avalon, Pretender Class. I'll be your Servant for the duration of this little war."

Shirou's brain struggled to process her words. "A Servant? You mean, like... a familiar?"

Lady Avalon giggled, a sound that seemed both innocent and teasing at once. "Oh, I'm no mere familiar, darling. I'm a bit more... complicated than that." She turned her attention back to Lancer. "Now, I'm afraid we'll have to cut this conversation short. I'm in the middle of saving this boy's life, you see."

Lancer growled in frustration. "You're in my way."

The woman's smirk widened. "Am I? You're welcome to try getting past me, if you think you're fast enough."

With a snarl, Lancer lunged again, faster this time, aiming to skewer Lady Avalon before she could react. But to Shirou's amazement, she flicked her wrist lazily, and a wall of magical light erupted between her and Lancer. The impact sent him flying back, his feet skidding across the floor as he barely managed to regain his balance.

"Tch, what kind of mage are you?" Lancer muttered under his breath, eyeing the woman warily. But before he could make another move, a sharp whistle cut through the air, and a red-clad archer materialized nearby, arrow knocked and aimed at Lancer's back.

"Looks like I'll be taking over from here," Archer said coolly, his eyes flickering with a recognition he couldn't quite place.

Lancer clicked his tongue, then dashed into the shadows, disappearing into the night. The tension in the shed dissipated slightly, but a new sort of awkwardness filled the room as Rin Tohsaka arrived moments later, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"What the—" Rin started, but then stopped short when her gaze landed on Lady Avalon. "Who... Who is that?!"

Shirou, still struggling to catch his breath, glanced at Lady Avalon in bewilderment. "Um... she says she's my Servant."

Rin crossed her arms, her voice incredulous. "Your Servant? That can't be right. You were supposed to be just an ordinary guy!"

Archer, on the other hand, was silent, his gaze locked on the mysterious woman. His brow furrowed in confusion, and for the first time in a long while, a faint trace of emotion slipped into his stoic expression.

Lady Avalon, noticing the attention, gave a playful curtsy. "I know, I know. You were probably expecting the King of Knights. But alas, I got here first." She paused, casting a glance at Archer, her expression turning more contemplative for a brief second.

Archer didn't respond, but his eyes narrowed, clearly unsettled by her presence. He couldn't shake the feeling that he should know her, but her existence—her class, her very nature—was an anomaly.

"Well, that was... unexpected," Rin muttered, still processing the situation.

But Shirou barely heard her. His mind was reeling, and he couldn't ignore the fact that Lady Avalon had been toying with him ever since she appeared. Her flirtatious smile, her teasing remarks—everything about her was throwing him off balance.

"Um, so... you're really my Servant?" he asked again, more out of disbelief than anything else.

Lady Avalon stepped closer to him, her violet eyes twinkling with amusement. She reached out, gently placing a finger under his chin to lift his head. "Oh yes, my dear Shirou," she purred. "I'm all yours. And I must say, I'm very much looking forward to our... time together."

Shirou felt his face heat up, his heart racing at her words. "T-Time together?"

She chuckled softly. "Oh, don't worry. I'll take very good care of you."

Omake

Throne of Heroes: Artoria's Wrath

Far beyond the mortal realm, in the Throne of Heroes, a furious storm was brewing. Artoria Pendragon, the legendary King of Knights, sat with her arms crossed, glaring at the distant vision of Shirou Emiya from her vantage point. Her frustration was palpable.

"That... that woman!" she seethed, pacing back and forth. "That ridiculous, meddling, half-succubus Merlin! How dare she hijack my summoning?! This was my war, my chance to fight by Shirou's side again!"

Her eyes flashed with anger as she recalled the smug look on Lady Avalon's face. "What is she even doing there? She's not even supposed to be in this war! And now she's... she's... flirting with him! With my Master!"

Artoria clenched her fists, imagining the scene in the shed where Shirou was blushing under Lady Avalon's teasing. "This is absolutely intolerable! She's trying to steal my man—my sheath!"

Taking a deep breath, Artoria sighed dramatically. "I can't believe this. The one time I get a chance to reunite with him, and that... that woman swoops in and ruins everything."

From the back of the metaphysical area, another voice called out lazily, "You do know you can't actually interfere, right?"

Artoria groaned, ignoring the voice. "I will have my revenge, Merlin! I swear it!"

Somewhere, in a distant dimension, the original Merlin chuckled to himself, knowing full well that Lady Avalon's antics were bound to cause more chaos than even he could have foreseen.

Yes, these omakes will be a regular thing. And yes, they're going to be running on the same silly joke of Seibah getting jealous and angry. And yes, some of them may be a bit repetitive because this is all low-effort silliness.