I was in my bedrum, laying down completely face upwards and staring at the ceiling like a normal guy. It was a gloomy Monday in my small town, and I was very, very, very bored. I wanted to stop being bored, so I stopping facing upwards and went to go see what my roommate Don was doing. He was sitting on the couch watching indie animation. I asked him what he was watching but he quickly turned the TV off like the Not Like Us guy says and told me not to worry. Even though that was weird and made me worry Don was some kind of diddy blud, I ignored it and asked if he wanted to listen to mashups. If there was one thing we both loved to do, short of engaging in cartoon discourse on the internet and attending feminist rallies, it was listen to mashups.
We both walked over to my compiter and sat down. I asked Don what mashups he'd like to listen to, and he said one from a tournament. I asked him "what tournament?" And he said he couldn't remember any. at first i was astounded by this fact, but then i remembered in our prior adventure i had actually killed him by hitting him on the head, and memory loss is a common side effect for someone who was killed by getting bopped too hard to death. So i reminded him of them. We could listen to (rustle papers, out of character)Let's see here… "Mashup Week Megamix"… "There Is No Tournament Name"… "Diary of a Tourney Kid"… "Uncle Grandpa for a Day"… "Battle to Be Bob's Burger of the Day"… "New Mashup Week"… "Unbanned for a Day"… "Mashup Week Zero Sugar"… "Super Mario's Tournament of All Italian Characters" … "Marshmello's Limited Edition Mashup Week"… and "Mashup Mayhem". (in character)However, Don said he didnt want to listen to any of those, so I asked him if he wanted to listen to the sliver gunner instead, who was the inventor of tournaments. However, he said no to that too. I asked him, "well what do you want to hear". He said he wanted to listen to something that combined his favorite tournaments with the bait-and-switch humor of the seevagunner. I used my large brain to think of something that would be what he was talking about, and thought so hard i almost popped a blood vessel. Then i remembered: the high quality tournament archive! I told him that and he yelled Yes! We were so excited to listen to it, we typed it so fast we mis spelled it. But youtube is smart so it can fix it for us! But when we clucked on it, we were greeted with a shock!
I stood up and yelled, [from Barenaked Ladies' One Week]"IT'S BEEN… ONE year since HQTA uploaded!" Me and don started flipping the frack out. We destroyed everything in our room with hammers to ease the pain. After we did that and were calm, we realised we had to do something. So we got in our car and drove to HQ-tan's house, because we went to elementary school together and i have a photographic memory for addresses and houses and street signes. So anways we got there and knocked on the door. But no body answered. And we knocked again. But no body answered again. Then Don told me he knew how to get in but I had to close my eyes. I was worried he would break the door but he promised he wouldnt. So i closed my eyes. And then don told me to open them and then he was inside. And i said WOW! Like in earthbound. So we went inside the blue house belonging to hqtan where hqta is made. And we saw something shocking…hqtan was asleep! We laughed playfully because we realized hqtan was just taking a year long nap. So we decided to wake her up. We tapped her but she wouldn't wake up. We dripped cold water on her face but she wouldn't wake up. We hit her but she wouldn't wake up. We poured boiling water on her face but she wouldn't wake up. We hit her with hammers but she wouldn't wake up. We waterboarded her and finally…she wouldn't wake up. We began to worry. But Don noticed something…there was a wire in her head connected to computer! She was trapped in a digital world, like the digitial circus or cyberchase or tron. We knew what we had to do. So i brought the laser machine from tron and we hooked it up and shot it at us…then we began to enter the digital world…
When we woke up we looked around. I got very upset because the world did NOT look like tron, and i had no identity disc or light cycle and actor Jeff Bridges was not there and Daft Punk was not their either. And Don was angry because it did not look like the digital circus. So we were boff pissed oth. But we got over it and looked at the world… it kind of looked like Wreck it Ralph 2 Ralph Breaks the Internet but instead of websites it was tourneymants. We lost our marbles at this… but we had to find HQ-tan. So we began to ask around. We asked famous tournament characters like "Neil Cipher", "Shawty Melody", "Adam Ruin Everything", "Oncelor", and everyone's favorite, "Warby". But none of them new! We were lost for hope, until two gentle men came up to us. "I heard you were looking for HQ-tan!" One said. "She has been taken by a dark evil…to one of seven Mashup Hotels." I looked up, and couldn't believe my eyes! It was two boys— one short, one tall. Both in blue overalls and white gloves. The short one had a red shirt and hat on…the tall had a green shirt and hat on. They both sported fancy mustaches. Don and I knew exactly who it was…THE TOURNAMENT BROTHERS!
"HQ-tan…" spoke Green Tournament Brother, "…has been taken prisoner by the Tournament Hater! He's locked her up in one of his seven mashup hotels…but we don't know which one!" Red Tournament Brother then spoke after his brother in a brotherly fashion. "We are going to have to venture through all seven mashup hotels…it will be very difficult and not fun. And since we don't know what one he's in, it will take a long time." Don pointed at the large black hotel in the center of the town that looked like it had shot up from Heck (i cant say hell) and had the words "EVIL MASHUP HOTEL" on top and said that was the one. I agreed. The tournament brothers realized that they are fucking stupid, but we forgave them. "Well, we need to fight…" Red Tournament Brother said, touching his mustask, "we will have to rally all tournament characters, and bring them to fight in a battle like Endgame of Avendgers!" Me and Don were FLOORED by how FUCKING BADASS this sounded. We wanted to be an avendgers so bad…and an epic big battle would be epic. So we got all tournament characters, and ran towards the hotel.
When we got there, an evil guard was standing there. "Halt! You cannot—" Red Tournament Brother jumped on his head and crushed him. He was a normal guy underneath the guard costume, so he died. We stormed the walls and entered the hotel. The Tournament Hater stood at the top of a long cool scary stairs. "Ah, so you've arrived…well, you're no match for me… just the 4 of you." (By the way all the others were standing outside and it was just me don red and green tmntbrthrs). "Oh yeah?" I said badassly. The brothers opened the doors to the hotel, and the Tournament Hater saw all the characters. "Ack! Tournaments. My weakness! Tourney Devil, go!" He began to summon little tourney devils, but we were ready. The tournament characters got they weapons and guns and knives and hands ready to fight. The Tournament Brothers rolled up their sleevs and it showed tatoos that looked like the ones on those game boy advances. Don pulled out his brass knuckles…and I pulled out my magic ELF bar. Epic ass music was playing. And it stopped and I said… "Tournaments…assemble!"
All the characters rushed and started fighting the devils with all their weapons adn abilities and mashups and whatnlt. There were some tourney character fatalities like Law and the Order from KFAD2 but mostly tourney devils died. And also I was ok with Laws and The Order dying because they fucking beat Weird Al and he was gonna win it all. But no fuck me i guss. Anyways the battle continued on epicly and we fought our way to the tournament hater. He pretended to act all scared but we knew it was an act "Dont kill me!" He said. And i said "yeaaaaaaaah i think im NOT gonna be doing that". All the tournament characters clapped at my new quip. But then he shot an ERADICATION beam. And all the tournament characters around us were ERADICATED. FUCK. even the tournament brothers died. It was just me and don…"well…there's nothign you can do now…my power is limitless. soon; tournaments will be gone, and only MEGALOVANIAS will remain!" i was so fucking pissed. Megalovanias? Thats not even FUNNY! I jumped up and leapt for the Tournament Haters face. I could feel the strength of all the tournament characters talking to me, like in Rise of the SkyWalker when Rey talks to them all. I hurled back and PUNCH! And he blew up. Then out popped HQ-tan like when you get a star in Super Red Tournament Brother 64. Oh yeah and all the other tourney characters that died came back to life too. We went up to HQ-tan and we said. "Well, consider yourself…saved!" Once again the tournament characters clapped at my quip. The Tournament Brothers made a pipe happen near us so we could leave. We thanked them for their helps and all the other ones to, and we left with HQtan.
We were dedigitized like at the end of tron and brought back to HQ-tan's room. "Well, thanks for saving me." She said beautifully. "I guess I can make rips again! How ever can I repay you two?" Me and Don looked at eachother. "Oh, WE know…"
(Cut to a terrible mashup of What, The Nutshack and Bonfire, with MashupLover, Don, and HQ-tan staring at a computer listening to it)