Disclaimers: Naruto is not mine, sadly. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, sexual assault, explicit sexual content (yaoi), & angst.

Crazy About You

Chapter 14: Quick to Forgive

"Ughh! Why am I so bad at being good?!"

-Prince Zuko

--

Sasuke smoothed back disheveled blonde locks as he gazed down at Naruto's face- all of his affection, his longing, made perfectly apparent. Those big blue eyes peered up at him, a look that sent heat spiraling to his core. There was so much acceptance in it, so much innocence.

It made him want to defile every inch of his body.

The raven ran his tongue along his bottom lip then slowly dragged his teeth across it, aching to taste the blonde in its place. Naruto shivered under that penetrating gaze, but his trepidation only made Sasuke want him more. He shifted closer on the bed, his entire being vibrating with anticipation as that ocean stare widened. He saw Naruto's full lips press tight, watched them hesitate before uttering his name, and his chest swelled with a longing sharper than any he had ever known.

He watched attentively as his lips stayed parted, like they weren't ready to shut him out just yet. Sasuke didn't respond- fuck, he couldn't respond- so Naruto said it all over again.

The second time was just as sweet and enticing as the first.

"S-Sasuke..?"

Fuck.

Hearing his name in that voice, breathed between those lips- it was enough to drive a man to madness.

Sasuke barely suppressed a moan as he pressed his waist close, his groin closer, not in the least bit subtle about what he wanted. What he was tempted to just reach out and take. Too many nights kept apart from each other, too many needs unmet. He just wasn't sure he could hold out much longer.

Sasuke wanted things to be different with Naruto, truly- he did. But..

Fuck, I mean, he's right here, practically begging for it.

Sasuke found his blonde's unwavering stare once more and held it as he closed what little distance lay between them.

I've waited long enough.

Smooth raven strands fell forward to caresses the blonde's whiskered cheek as long lithe fingers reached out to do the same. Naruto's breath caught, goosebumps raising on chilled skin at the sudden intimacy. This wasn't his first night with Sasuke like this, and yet every moment with him felt like it was. He wasn't sure he would ever get used to this.

He almost said exactly that, finding it difficult to contain the rush of emotions inside, but Sasuke spoke before he got the chance.

"I want you" he breathed, desire bursting in his chest as Naruto continued to shiver against him. "God, Naruto.. I want you so fucking bad."

"I-" Naruto's throat clicked. "I… don't know if I'm ready to…"

Sasuke clenched his jaw hard as he struggled to force back his rage. He hated himself for getting pissed off at a time like this, but it was so hard holding back. And Naruto clearly didn't get it.

He has no idea, he thought angrily. No fucking clue how many times I've stopped myself. How many times I have denied who I really am for him. But I just..

I can't.

Not anymore.

With a feral growl, Sasuke shoved the nervous blonde flat against the mattress and rolled on top of him. He watched those blue eyes widen even more, saw Naruto's lips open further as he gasped in surprise, and his desire, his pent-up frustrations, skyrocketed.

"Sa-"

Sasuke slammed a hand over his mouth, pinning one arm down with his forearm in the process. When Naruto went to push him back with the other, he grabbed his wrist and shoved it back down- pressing it firmly against the bed and leaving the blonde completely immobile. Those cerulean pools stared up at him, a flash of fear flickering inside, and all Sasuke could do was stare back.

You shouldn't be doing this, he chided himself. You know you shouldn't.

But Sasuke chose to ignore the voice of reason in his head. He knew full well he'd come to regret it, but it just wasn't enough to make him stop.

Not this time.

He pushed his way between Naruto's legs, forcing them further apart to make room for everything he intended on doing. He could feel Naruto's muffled protest reverberate against his palm, a plea to bring back the Sasuke he knew- the Sasuke he had been trying so hard to become. The person he wanted so badly to be for Naruto.

This isn't you, Sasuke thought.

You KNOW this isn't you. You're not this person anymore- this monster who hurts people, who torments the ones who try to care.

You know this is wrong.

"I don't care" he muttered to himself. "I never cared before- why the fuck should I care now? Why do I have to be the one to change."

Naruto flinched violently, having caught every word and not sure what to make of any of it. He had seen Sasuke become unhinged numerous times, but nothing like this. Sasuke had a lot of rage in him, and constantly struggled controlling it, but Naruto had never questioned his humanity before. But now, after what he just heard, he was starting to wonder if he should.

Sasuke didn't register the panic stirring beneath him, or just simply didn't care to. He was wholly consumed by his desperate desire, and didn't bother to consider the rest.

As Naruto trembled beneath him Sasuke slipped a hand down his side, searching for the waistband of his pants. Naruto tried to grab his wandering hand, to stop him, but Sasuke easily overpowered his every attempt. His fingers traced along the top of Naruto's sweats, then slid behind him. He abruptly shoved down the thin material, exposing his backside, then moved his hand lower to join it.

"Mmnnph!!"

Naruto screamed into his palm as he bucked wildly against him- fighting the restraint pinning him down, the hand forcibly undressing him, and finally it got through. That cruel faraway look in Sasuke's eyes cleared, and when their gazes met again Naruto finally saw someone he recognized.

Sasuke noticed his unshed tears, the flash of relief in his eyes. He swallowed hard, trying to force down the lump gathering in the back of his throat, but it seemed pretty deadset on staying. And he couldn't blame it. It was too soon to shake off the guilt for what he had done- what he had intended on doing. He would need to sit with that shame for some time.

The remorseful raven slowly pulled his hand away then propped himself up, freeing Naruto's silenced lips. He watched them part as he fought to catch his breath, and his guilt doubled.

What the fuck have I done..

"Naruto.. I-"

"W-why.." Naruto said quietly, his voice still trembling with the remnants of fear and adrenaline, "why did you.. do this?"

Sasuke felt every word cut through his twisted heart, and knew nothing he could say would fix it.

"Naruto.. I'm trying. I really am."

Those huge blue eyes continued to stare up at him, brimming with the fear and confusion he had caused. "Are you going to hurt me?" Naruto said quietly.

Whatever jagged pieces were left of Sasuke's heart practically ground to dust.

"Fuck- no. No, Naruto, I'm not going to hurt you."

Naruto turned his head, his eyes landing on the hand that was once again wrapped firmly around his wrist.

"Will you let me go?"

Sasuke looked at it with him and found that he was wondering the exact same thing. "I don't know" he finally answered. "I don't want to."

Naruto slowly turned his head, finding Sasuke's penetrating gaze once more. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because-"

Because what? Am I really going to say it's because I want to fuck him so bad it hurts?

That I don't know how to keep myself from being a monster? That the Sasuke he knows isn't real- he's just someone I'm trying to be for his sake?

How can I fucking say that?!

"Sasuke?"

The raven looked down and was surprised to find that familiar blank look when he did. Whatever fear he'd seen there before, it was already gone. Almost like-

Like he isn't afraid, he thought. Like he's already back to trusting me again.

But he shouldn't.

Sasuke clenched his jaw hard, grinding his teeth together as he jerked against the idiot blonde beneath him- reminding him of the position he was in, of what Sasuke had done to him. What he had almost done.

What he was still tempted to do.

"How can you be so calm when I have you pinned down like this?" he snarled, anger rising in his voice and burning in his veins all over again. "Don't you understand what I could do to you? What I want to do to you?!"

"I've never.. I've never even kissed anyone before you, Sasuke" Naruto said quietly. "Do you really think I've ever slept with someone?"

The raven paused at that, but the anger had yet to subside. Naruto could see that, but he didn't flinch away from it this time. He just kept staring at him.

Like he always did.

"Are you.." Naruto bit his lip as he struggled to find the right words. "Are you really not going to wait?"

"Dammit" Sasuke snapped. "God. Fucking. Dammit!!"

He finally released Naruto's wrist, but he didn't move away from him. Instead he reached between them and shoved his pants down, displaying his massive erection. Naruto's eyes left his face to stare down at it, then at the hand that was making quick work of his own boxers.

"Sa- ahhhh!"

Naruto threw his head back and slammed his eyes shut as Sasuke wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, forcing them close as he roughly pumped their lengths. Sasuke moved desperately against him, thrusting into his hand without abandon, ignoring the voice in his head screaming at him to stop.

He rolled his hips, aching to feel more, and nearly lost all composure when Naruto started meeting every thrust with one of his own. He jerked against Sasuke's hand, his back arched, his moans getting louder. Sasuke kissed him hard, their tongues wet and hot as they rode out their climaxes with matching desperation. Sasuke kept his eyes open, watching Naruto's roll as he stilled beneath him. He shoved his tongue deeper and seconds later their shared releases sprayed between them.

Sasuke pulled out of Naruto's mouth, out of his own hand, and a heaviness soon followed- one that he readily succumbed to. He let his body fall limply against Naruto's as he finally relinquished his hold on him. He was afraid to meet his eyes, so he buried his face in the crook of Naruto's neck- breathing in his scent and embracing the moment for as long as he could.

After a while though the guilt, the silence- it became unbearable. Sasuke sighed against his blonde and slowly pushed himself up to see him. To face him.

"Naruto, fuck, I'm sorry" he said, knowing it wasn't enough but not sure what else to say.

The blonde furrowed his brows, his unblinking stare locked on tight. "For what?"

Now Sasuke was confused.

"For this! Christ, Naruto, come on! I took advantage of you. I forced myself on you. The least you can do is be pissed off about it!"

"You didn't force me."

Sasuke gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me?"

"I like doing that with you" Naruto said simply.

"I held you down!"

"Because you wanted to force me" Naruto pointed out. "But you didn't."

Sasuke could not be more bewildered. "Naruto, you can't- you can't just explain this away."

"Why?"

"Because I fucking assaulted you! Do you think that's ok?"

"Is it assault if I like it?"

"Do you even hear yourself right now?! Yes! It is!"

Naruto seemed to consider his words, but it was clear that Sasuke wasn't getting through to him. He was about to say more, but Naruto spoke before he could.

"I'm confused. Do you want me to be mad at you?"

Yes.

"It doesn't matter what I want" Sasuke argued.

"It matters to me."

The raven gave the blonde a pained look. "Naruto, how do you still not see it?"

Another sigh flew from Sasuke's lips, grazing his blonde's flush cheeks. His jaw tightened. "I'm not… good. I hurt people. I hurt you. I'm angry, all the time, and I take it out on you. How could you want anything with me?"

"I thought you said you want me.." Naruto murmured, his voice horribly defeated.

"I do want you" Sasuke said quickly. "That's the fucking problem."

"Why is that a problem?"

"Because I'm not good, Naruto! Fuck, I'm trying to show you someone better, but what's really in here-"

Sasuke stabbed at his chest, at the sorry excuse for a heart inside.

"-it isn't someone you should like."

Naruto tilted his head as he considered the flustered raven above him, the anger resonating off him. He could hear the pain buried beneath that anger, and something else. Something that felt.. desperate, scared even. A truth he could relate to, even if Sasuke couldn't see it himself.

"I can't change how I feel" Naruto said bluntly, "and I don't want to. Do you want to change how you feel about me?"

Sasuke couldn't help but smile a little at that, though he felt incredibly guilty for it when he did. "No, I don't. I should" he admitted, "but I don't."

Sasuke lowered his face, once more finding the crook of Naruto's neck.

"Does that make me a bad person?" he whispered across his skin, sending goosebumps to rise to the surface.

Naruto tilted his head slightly, trying to get a look at the raven pressed close against him. "I thought you said you already are a bad person."

Sasuke smirked at first, always amused by Naruto's candidness, but the smile faltered as those words seeped in. It was something he'd normally be lighthearted about- the way he usually was when he said things like that to Naruto. But it was different now.

Naruto might downplay it, but Sasuke couldn't. What he did to him, what he tried to do- it wasn't right. And Naruto's quick forgiveness only made it worse.

"That's right, Naruto" he said quietly.

"I am a bad person."

--

Sasuke assumed things would be weird between them after that, and once again Naruto proved him wrong.

The next morning was just like any other. Naruto was waiting for him at what now felt like their chair, their shared journal already on his lap, and the hint of a smile blooming in his eyes as he watched him approach. Sasuke couldn't deny that he felt a sense of relief seeing him so undaunted by his presence, but he couldn't shake the shame that came with it.

This isn't right.

The thought echoed through Sasuke relentlessly and continued even as he took his spot beside him.

"Naruto-"

He wanted to scream at him that he was wrong to forgive him, to grab him and shake him violently until he understood how fucked up all of this was. But a better part of him knew not to go that route with it. So, he decided to try a different approach. When Naruto turned to give him a questioning look, Sasuke simply took his pen and the journal and flipped to a fresh page. He could feel Naruto's eyes on him as he wrote, but he didn't interrupt. He just waited and, in usual Naruto-fashion, he quietly stared.

Sasuke scribbled down what he hoped didn't read as just a bunch of angry nonsense, gave it a quick once-over, then handed the notebook back to the blonde. Naruto gave the raven a curious look before dropping his gaze to the words scrawled across the page.

First, I need you to understand that I don't want to be away from you. Ever. But that doesn't mean that you should just let me get away with shit like that. I need you to care more about yourself, Naruto. Because it fucking bothers me to see you so forgiving.

I'm an asshole and if you really do want to be with me, you can't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You should be mad at me for this.

In fact, I would understand if you hated me.

I deserve it.

Naruto's eyes lingered on the last two sentences in Sasuke's note, even as the letters blurred into one indistinguishable blot in the middle of the page. He couldn't unsee it, couldn't focus on anything else.

I would understand if you hated me.

I deserve it.

Naruto's throat click and his eyes finally broke free of the journal to find Sasuke's pained stare.

"Sasuke.." he breathed, but nothing else came out with it. He wasn't sure where to even start. He just wanted to take away what he saw- printed on the page and flashing in his eyes.

But Sasuke wasn't interested in waiting for him try or hearing him out. In fact, he didn't want to hear his response at all. The raven just shook his head and held out the pen, his gesture insistent. When Naruto hesitated, when his lips parted to speak anyways, Sasuke quickly interjected to stop him.

"Just write it, Naruto." He paused, then added, "please".

The blonde was still reluctant to stay quiet on the matter, but he also knew he was never all that great with words. Maybe it would be better to put it on paper instead.

Naruto begrudgingly took the pen from Sasuke's hand, clicked life into it, and lowered it to the page a few lines beneath Sasuke's entry. He thought it would be difficult, finding the words to all of the thoughts swirling around inside, but it turned out to be a far easier feat than expected. Apparently journaling his experiences over the last year here had paid off. The words flowed on their own and it wasn't long before he was checking his response and handing the journal back to Sasuke.

He felt confident about what he had to say at first, at the very least fine with it, but that changed the second the notebook left his hands. As soon as Sasuke took it, anxiety hit Naruto like a freight train. He found himself reaching out, suddenly desperate to take it back, but Sasuke captured his hand and gently pulled it back down.

"Relax, Naruto. It's ok. You have nothing to worry about."

The blonde stared openly at him, wondering how he could understand him in this moment so easily while simultaneously misunderstanding so many others. Of course, that thought remained trapped inside with the rest and he was left to gnaw at his bottom lip as Sasuke carefully read over his response.

Naruto was sure he was going to be sick but Sasuke gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and he managed to keep his breakfast at bay for the time being. He watched Sasuke grab the pen from his hand, saw him press the edge to his lip as he reread his reply. Naruto leaned closer to his shoulder to do the same, wondering if seeing it again would soothe his anxiety or simply make it ten-times worse.

He figured it was at least worth a shot.

Especially since Sasuke was reading it again.

He went back to attacking his bottom lip as he pulled his stare away from the raven and dropped it once more to the notebook between them.

I don't hate you, Sasuke, and I'm surprised that you think I should. I admit that it scared me, but you stopped. I get the feeling that you want me to be mad at you, but that's not how I feel. Are you really just worried about what happened, or are you trying to push me away?

If there's more to this, will you tell me?

Also, you said it bothers you when I'm so forgiving. Well, it bothers me when you expect to be hated.

You don't deserve it.

Sasuke stared at the page for a while, then wrote a quick reply and handed the journal back.

You don't know me as well as you think you do, Naruto.

Naruto's brows furrowed and he thought on that a moment before writing his own short response.

Then maybe you should change that, Sasuke.

The raven couldn't help but smile. He grabbed the pen, wrote in the notebook, then handed it back to his blonde. Naruto met his gaze and held it for a moment before slipping it back to the collection of messages between them.

Are you sure you won't regret it?

Naruto held out his hand, palm up, waiting expectantly. When Sasuke dropped the pen in his hand he wrote one word and gave the journal back.

No.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Thanks, Naruto, that's very reassuring.

Naruto took the pen again and quickly scrawled another note.

I don't know how I'll feel in the future, but I know how I feel now.

He handed their notebook back, expecting another written response, but Sasuke took his hand instead, letting the rest fall to his lap.

"I still don't think I deserve you.." he murmured.

"I know" Naruto answered honestly, "but that doesn't make it true."

"Says the guy who thought I wasn't real."

"That only happened one time."

Sasuke couldn't help but laugh. "You're so.. so-"

"Schizophrenic?"

"Ridiculous."

Naruto tilted his head, a curious look shining in his brilliant blues. "Is that bad?"

Sasuke reached out and gently tucked a blonde strand behind his ear, his fingers lingering, that familiar longing stirring in his gut all over again.

"No, Naruto" he said softly. "Nothing about you is bad."

Sasuke meant that, wholeheartedly. He truly could not find a single thing to dislike about Naruto.

He only wished he could say the same about himself.

Author Note:

Alright, my lovely little Manticores~ how are we all feeling? Are you enjoying these little pairings so far or are you too irritated with my late updates to enjoy anything? Both are completely fair, to be honest. Though I do hope that I managed to please you a little bit. :)

And don't worry! You won't have to wait that long for the next chapter. Xoxo