The Mayhem Critic
Good evening, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Today, Sean the Mayhem Critic starts a new segment for the show and today, he is going to talk about Miami Vice and it's fourth season. Let's see how he handles it. Here it is, the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Sit back, relax and enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. As I mentioned before, all material belong to their respective sources. Miami Vice is owned by Michael Mann Productions and Universal Television.
Episode Fifty-Two
What the Hell Were They Thinking?: Miami Vice Season Four
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said after he starts his introduction. "You know, when I watch a movie or a television show and I see something that baffles me. It makes me ponder the question: what the hell were they thinking?"
(We see the introduction to the new segment of the show simply titled "What the Hell Were They Thinking?" and a photo of Sean pops up with a confused look, then an angry look with him saying "What the hell was that?". Rock music serves as the BGM for this intro)
"This is a new segment where we take a look at nostalgic movies and TV shows and find out what happened and why this is dumb." Sean said.
(We cut to clips from shows and movies like Batman & Robin, Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain, Halloween 5, All Dogs Go to Heaven: The Series and Riverdale are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) There are some shows and movies that have some ideas that are so dumb and so stupid that I just couldn't help but talk about, which still baffles me till this day. And we're going to look at whether or not they're worth our time then and worth our time now.''
"With that said… Um… I want to talk about Miami Vice." Sean said.
(The titles for Miami Vice are shown and the Miami Vice theme from Jan Hammer plays. Then an audience starts booing)
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I love Miami Vice. I think it's still one of the best crime dramas of all time and it had an impact on contemporary police dramas, as well as the fashion and style of the 1980s." Sean said.
(Clips from the show are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Miami Vice was an action drama cop show that aired from 1984 to 1989. Well, 1990, counting the lost episodes. The show starred Don Johnson as Detective James "Sonny" Crockett and Philip Michael Thomas as Detective Ricardo Tubbs. The show was created by Anthony Yerkovich, the creator of Starsky & Hutch and it was produced by Michael Mann. That's right, the same Michael Mann that brought us the movies Thief, Manhunter, Collateral, the Miami Vice movie and my favorite Heat, starring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Val Kilmer. This show revolutionized the 80s with it's music, fashion and the glitz and glamour of Miami and the show is still influential till this day. My experience with Miami Vice was watching them ragging on it on VH1's I Love the 80s and I first watched it on Sleuth back in 2006, which was Calderone's Return Parts 1 and 2. Right now, they're showing the show on Starz Encore Action.
"Hell, before I turned 27 last month, I bought the complete series from Menard's for a good $29.99." Sean said as he held up his DVD set of Miami Vice.
(More clips from the show are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Just at the height of the show, Miami Vice's first two seasons were pretty awesome, then after Michael Mann left in the middle of season three to work on another show called Crime Story starring Dennis Farina, Law & Order creator Dick Wolf became the executive producer for seasons three and four.
"But we're not talking about season three today. Oh, no. Today, we're talking about season four, what people like to call it "The Don Johnson Show", or as I like to call it "What the Hell Was Dick Wolf and the Writers Smoking?"." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) When season four started, the show had undergone some notable changes, some changes aimed at recapturing the feel of seasons 1 and 2. Season 3 became grittier and nihilistic and it had a dark tone, but we'll get to the episodes later. Last season, people reacted to the darker colors of the wardrobe instead of pastels, in season 4 they went back to pastels but some of the darker styles of the third season appear regularly. Now, let's talk about the characters changes. Starting with Crockett, who's the definition of cool way before Xander McCormick from Bunk'd. We see that Crockett's hair is a bit shaggier and it gets longer later on in the season.
"Hell, I guess he joined the Good Hair Crew." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And Tubbs. Oh, boy. What can I say about Tubbs? Uh, yeah. I didn't care for the beard. My God, Jesus. Who's bright idea was to have Ricardo Tubbs with a beard? In the shows three seasons, he didn't have a beard. So, why give him a beard now? (A picture of Ryker from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Dr. Frasier Crane from Cheers are shown) I know that some characters look awesome with beards but Tubbs looks ridiculous with a beard. Heck, in the season five episode Borrasca, Tubbs shaves his beard off and Switek says this line.
(A clip from the season five episode Borrasca is shown)
Stan Switek (Played by Michael Talbott): (To Tubbs) You look better without a beard.
"Yeah, Tubbs. Not everybody could pull off the beard look." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But enough of the changes, let's talk about the episodes and see how these stories play out. We have a few couple of episodes that were serious and dark and a few that were ripped from the headlines like one involving a televangelist played by Brian Dennehy. This episode draws from the controversy regarding televangelists as frauds like Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker and Oral Roberts.
(A clip from the season four episode Amen… Send Money is shown)
Reverend Billy Bob Proverb (Played by Brian Dennehy): Nobody wants to be saved by some obscure, threadbare, raggedy-butt preacher anymore, so I am forced to martyr myself on the cross of luxury!
Sean: (Narrating) We get a few Crockett-centric episodes involving Crockett being jailed for contempt of court in order to protect a witness, Crockett accidentally shooting a child, prompting him to reconnect with his ex-wife and his son. There's also a good one where a convicted rapist is released and Trudy fears that he might come back to his victim for revenge and the woman that he raped hires a hitman from an American Mercenary magazine. While other episodes felt a little out of place, like an episode involving aliens and James Brown or a bad comedic episode involving Crockett and Tubbs trying to stop smugglers trying to steal bull semen.
"Okay, I am going to let that sink in for a second… bull semen." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Miami Vice, a show dedicated to two coolest detectives of Miami taking on smugglers that are trying to steal bull jizz. No wonder that this season is called the "WTF season". Vice squads don't deal with bull cum and aliens! I probably think that Dick Wolf and the writers were running out of ideas and it shows. I guess they were sniffing that magic dust while coming up with these stupid ideas for the show. And then we have a story arc involving Crockett falling in love with Sheena Easton, which brings the show back to reality but then it really doesn't fit the show. We'll talk about Sheena Easton and the story arc later.
"Come on, guys. Why am I watching a show involving aliens, frozen dead Jamaican guys and bull ball juice and Sheena Easton. Give me something serious to watch, please! I want something serious!" Sean exclaimed.
(A clip from the season four episode A Bullet for Crockett is shown, showing Crockett getting shot by a drug dealer's girlfriend)
Sean stays silent for a few seconds before saying another word. "Well, shi…shit."
Sean: (Narrating) Holy shit. That just got dark. Crockett gets shot in an episode but then it's a clip show of Crockett's life with clips of episodes from she shows four seasons while he fights for his life.
"But enough about me talking about the episodes, let's talk about the guest stars." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) In the first three seasons, we've gotten some very notable guest stars like Ed O'Neill, Bruce Willis, Dennis Farina, William Russ, Glenn Frey, Phil Collins, Burt Young, Pam Grier, Eartha Kitt, G. Gordon Liddy, Kyra Sedgwick, Phil Collins, John Leguizamo, Liam Neeson, Bill Paxton, Wesley Snipes, Helena Bonham Carter, Viggo Mortensen, Brad Dourif, Annette Bening, Melanie Griffith, Vanity and Benicio Del Toro. Season four gave us guest stars like Stanley Tucci, Brian Dennehy, Ben Stiller, Penelope Ann Miller, Alfred "Doc Ock" Molina, Isaac Hayes, Ving Rhames, James Brown, Chris Rock, Teller, R. Lee Ermey, Harry Shearer, Chris Cooper, Julia Roberts before she made it big with the movie Pretty Woman and look who I found, Frank Stallone.
"Can somebody let Spoony know that I have found Frank Stallone?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) And remember when I said that there was a story arc involving Crockett marrying Sheena Easton? Well, that happened. In fact, in the second half of season four, Crockett ends up falling in love with a pop singer that he's protecting, and that pop singer's name is Caitlin Davies, played by Sheena Easton. Big whoop. Easton's performance on the show, well….
"She's not that bad of an actress." Sean said.
(A clip from the episode Like a Hurricane is shown)
Caitlin Davies (Played by Sheena Easton): This one's for Will. You gonna make him a star too, remember? And Rocky and Legs and everyone else you screwed over you mealy-mouthed two faced bastard.
"Okay, well I didn't say her acting was that good. But it's okay." Sean said.
Caitlin Davies: (Referring to Crockett's Testarossa) A woman ever driven your 'Testosterone', Crockett?
"Okay, I did say that her acting was okay. But it wasn't laughably bad." Sean said.
(A clip from the episode Love at First Sight is shown)
Caitlin Davies: What am I going to tell them when you're out? Leave your number, he'll meet you later, sharpen your knife.
We then cut to Sean, who starts chuckling a bit from Sheena Easton's acting. "Okay, it's laughably bad."
Sean: (Narrating) Look I know that Sheena Easton was a big thing back in the 80s with songs like For Your Eyes Only, Morning Train, Almost Over You and The Lover in Me and yes, I did enjoy her in All Dogs Go to Heaven 2. That's another good thing about that movie was Sheena Easton. Her character in this show was written in a particularly rushed and lazy manner. Her character has no personality and the couple shares no chemistry. I guess the reason why they got her on the show was that she was smoking hot. But hell, the only good thing from this arc was that they eventually killed her character off and then we get this awesome scene that makes Crockett a total badass.
(A clip from the episode Deliver Us From Evil is shown)
Frank Hackman (Played by Guy Boyd): (To Crockett after he points a gun at him) I sure as hell know the same way you couldn't let an innocent man be executed, that you can't shoot an unarmed man.
(Crockett then shoot and kills Hackman in cold blood)
Detective James "Sonny" Crockett (Played by Don Johnson): Wrong.
"So, was season four of Miami Vice a hit and a miss? Well, it's kinda both." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, it did have some good ideas and some dumb ideas. While some episodes were questioning and out of the ordinary, a few episodes were dark and serious. So, yeah. It's probably not the strongest but I don't think to call it the worst season, even though it still is and the sheen was starting to come off Miami Vice's run. But hey, season five was an improvement over season four. And I admire Dick Wolf for coming up with some good ideas for the show, even though that the choices were dumb. If you enjoyed season four, then enjoy it. If not, then skip season four. If you're new to the show, then skip the two episodes from season four involving aliens and bull splooge.
(A clip from the episode Vote of Confidence is shown)
Detective James "Sonny" Crockett: (Laughs) By God, he's got my vote.
"Thank you all for tuning in for my new segment of the show. Now, for the next topic, I'm going to talk about the Top 11 Miami Vice episodes next. Oh, man. I am excited to share my favorites with you." Sean said until a man in a suit walks up to him and whispers something in his ear before walking away. Then his smile turned into an upsetting look when he finds out that he's going to be reviewing a movie that has plagued him for years. "I don't fucking believe it. Looks like I'm going to be reviewing The Master of Disguise next. Son of a bi….!"
And that's all for the new segment of The Mayhem Critic. I hope that you all enjoyed it. So, what are your thoughts about season four of Miami Vice? Did you enjoy it or did you not care for it? Next time, Sean takes a look at one of the worst comedies that have plagued him since he was a child. Turtle! And that movie is The Master of Disguise. God help him. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. If you want to request a movie for me to review, then feel free to leave me a message. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.