The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my friends. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. When we last left off, Sean finished up Halloween Havoc III with Scream 2 and had another encounter with Ghostface. Today, Sean is celebrating his 100th episode by taking a look at the 1995 Adam Sandler comedy Billy Madison and sees if it's still one of Adam Sandler's best works. So here it is, the 100th episode of The Mayhem Critic. Sit back, relax and enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Billy Madison is owned by Universal Pictures.
Episode 100
Billy Madison
(The episode opens with archive footage from the first episode of The Mayhem Critic, which is the review of "RoboCop")
Sean (Archive): Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one…
(A laugh is heard)
"Look at this handsome fella. You know, it's hard to believe that I've made it this far. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one for 100 episodes." Sean said.
("Hearts on Fire" by John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band plays, with a title card- "The Mayhem Critic's 100th Episode". Then, clips of Sean from various reviews are shown)
"Man, can you believe it? 100 episodes. That's a lot. During the course which you see me having many experiences with the movies that I had to put up with. Both positive and negative. Okay, mostly negative with me losing my mind and turning into a raging madman. So if you're joining me, you're probably wondering if I have something special planned for the 100th episode, maybe a review. Well, actually, I do have something planned for the 100th episode… a crummy-ass clip show! So while you acknowledge at how awesome I am, I will be in my office drinking a bottle of Heineken while watching some lesbian porn on my laptop. But then again, I will be drunk while I'm busy spanking my monkey. Here's some highlights from some of my reviews. Enjoy." Sean said.
(Cut to a clip from the review of "Invaders From Mars" review)
Sean (Invaders review): What the hell, movie?! Did I just see Louise Fletcher from Exorcist II: The Heretic eating a bullfrog and swallowing it in one big gulp like Natalia Starr in a video? Did… (Realizes what's happening) What the hell? What's he doing? Seriously? Is this idiot watching a stupid clip show while he's busy drinking a beer and getting ready to spank his monkey to some lesbian porn? I betcha he's busy watching Kenna James and Ryan Keely getting ready to lez it out.
We cut back to Sean, who looks up at the camera and zips up his pants quickly and closes his laptop.
"What?" Sean asked.
Sean (Past): Are you kidding me, man? I put up 100 episodes of your bullshit and you just throw this clip show at me and the fans who love you? I mean, this is a complete cop-out! You know, me from the past wouldn't do something like that!
"Oh, come on! This is my hundredth episode! I had to do something special." Sean said.
Sean (Past): (Mocking) "This is my hundredth episode! I had to do something special." Kiss my ass! What happened to you man? I thought you were the critic that had big, strong cojones to review movies.
"Hey, I have big, strong cojones!" Sean yelled out.
Sean (Past): Then prove it! Review a movie from an actor that you have talked about in your reviews.
"Who do you want me to talk about? I already talked about Schwarzenegger and I've already talked about Stallone. Who else is there to talk about… Oh, no." Sean said, realizing who he's about to talk about.
Sean (Past): Oh, yes! An actor so bad that he makes me shudder in fear.
Sean gasps in shock. "You mean…!"
Sean (Past): Yes…. SANDLER!
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Sean screamed out.
Sean (Past): That's right! Adam Sandler! And you'll be reviewing one of his movies. A movie that fans have requested for you to review in years.
"Oh, God! Not…" Sean said.
Sean (Past): You already reviewed that movie with Lucas back in 2018.
"Oh. Wait, not…" Sean said.
Sean (Past): You already covered "The Master of Disguise" last year and you suffered injuries from it.
"And I still have the scars to prove it. Wait a minute, you mean…!" Sean said.
Sean (Past): YES! BILLY MADISON!
"NOOOOOOOOOO…. Hey, hey, hey! I happen to love Billy Madison." Sean said.
(The title screen for the movie is shown, followed by clips from the movie while "The Stroke" by Billy Squier plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, ladies and gentlemen. You've asked for it and now you're getting it. Billy Madison was released in theaters on February 10, 1995. Yeah, the month where I turned three years old. I was only two at the time that the movie was released. The movie was written by Adam Sandler and fellow Sandler collaborator and college roommate Tim Herlihy. The film was also directed by Tamra Davis, who directed films like CB4 and the Dave Chappelle stoner comedy Half Baked. The movie is stupid and immature and boy, it's one of the funniest movies ever and I love it! It's so memorable and quotable. This movie was released 25 years ago and Sandler was already a breakout star on Saturday Night Live. It got mixed reviews from critics but it made over $26.4 million worldwide and debuted number one at the box office. Is it considered one of Sandler's best films like Uncut Gems or is it one of the worst films ever like Jack & Jill?
"Well, let's just be glad that I didn't pick out Jack & Jill for the 100th episode. Let's take a look at Billy Madison." Sean said.
(The movie starts)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie opens with Billy Madison, played by Adam Sandler, enjoying a relaxing day by the pool singing about suntan lotion.
Billy Madison (Played by Adam Sandler): Suntan lotion is good for me. You protect me. Tee-hee-hee. (Singing gibberish) Oh, the sun tries to burn me, but you won't let it. Will ya? Ultraviolet rays, bad! Lotion, good.
(Billy squirts suntan lotion on his nipples and makes a smile on his stomach with it)
Billy Madison: Smiley.
"Yeah, it's nice of this overgrown man-child letting us know that suntan lotion will protect you from ultraviolet rays. And you know something, the actress who played the maid Juanita died a few years later from skin cancer." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see him hanging out with his friends Frank and Jack, played by Norm MacDonald and Mark Beltzman, and he tells them that there was something important that he was supposed to do today
Jack (Played by Mark Beltzman): Have five daiquiris?
Frank (Played by Norm MacDonald): Nah, nah. You remembered to do that. (Laughs)
Billy Madison: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember. What's today?
Frank: October?
Billy Madison: (Remembers) It's nudie magazine day!
"Boy, I haven't been excited like that since I was excited for the new season of American Housewife." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy rushes to get his nudie magazine, which is…
(Billy looks at a magazine with the title that says "She-Male Fiesta". Then another that says "Women Over 80", which features a naked elderly lady. He finally comes across a magazine titled "Drunk Chicks", which featured two drunk women on the cover)
"Boy, this guy has some sick fetishes. Hell, there are people that have feet fetishes out there and this guy is into she-males, elderly women and drunk chicks. And who reads magazines? It's a good thing we have internet porn." Sean said.
(A clip from This is the End is shown)
Danny McBride: Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?
Billy Madison: (Sees a 10-foot tall penguin standing in the driveway) Holy geez! Lookie what we got here. That silly penguin is back again.
(It's actually the gardener that Billy sees, but in his inebriated state, he sees the penguin)
Haitian Gardener (Played by Marcel Jean Gilles): No, Mr. Madison. There no penguin. You got too much sun today. There no penguin!
(The penguin quacks at Billy)
Billy Madison: It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walking around here.
"Yeah, that's what happens when you drink too much, kids. You start seeing 10-foot tall penguins standing in your driveway." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And in a bizarre scene, Billy goes after the imaginary penguin and this movie just shows you that this movie is going to have some WTF moments. He confronts the penguin but he ends up making an ass out of himself in front of his father's business associates. Turns out that his father is having an important dinner. Anyway, Billy is the 27-year-old heir to Madison Hotels and his father, Brian Madison, played by Darren McGavin from A Christmas Story, is having a dinner meeting with his associates while Billy is busy taking a bath and playing around with the bottle of shampoo and the bottle of conditioner.
"Yeah, that's what you expect from every man-child." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy joins his father and his business associates at the dinner table and he starts to make a complete fool out of himself and bickers with his father's executive vice president Eric Gordon, played by Bradley Whitford.
Eric Gordon (Played by Bradley Whitford): Did you fall asleep, or did you pass out?
Billy Madison: (Laughs) Shut up!
Brian Madison (Played by Darren McGavin): That's enough, Billy. Because you took your own sweet-ass time coming down here tonight, these gentlemen are going to miss their last flights home.
Billy Madison: Well, this guy can stay in my room, I'll tell you that much. (Laughs and playfully bites and shakes the businessman's hand)
Brian Madison: Billy, eat your soup. It's good soup.
"Where's the meatloaf and mashed potatoes? I wanna show you how the little piggies eat." Sean said, imitating Billy.
Brian Madison: Well, gentlemen, I can't thank you enough for coming out here tonight.
(Billy sees Eric making faces at him and starts shouting gibberish)
Brian Madison: Uh. Please, Billy. Please, no gibberish tonight. Please, I beg you.
Billy Madison: Sorry, Daddy.
Brian Madison: Uh, this is a big night for me tonight. I have an important announcement to make.
(Eric continues to make silly faces at Billy. Then, Billy continues to shout gibberish at him some more)
Brian Madison: That's it, Billy! Get the hell out of here!
"This was an important night for me and you ruined it, you little ass-goblin!" Sean yelled out, imitating Brian Madison.
"Ugh. I have one glass of wine or beer, and it's at social events, and I'm more mature than this guy." Brian said. "And another thing, soup? Where's the pot roast?"
Sean: (Narrating) After making an ass out of himself in front of his father and his business associates on his special night, Billy hangs out with his buddies as they play pickle races and talk about which actor to bone.
Frank: Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy Madison: Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
Frank: '74.
Billy Madison: Meg Ryan.
"Dude, why would you want to bone Jack Nicholson? It's like somebody asking me who would I rather bone Elizabeth Gillies or Christopher Walken. I would go for Elizabeth Gillies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Billy's father, he's talking to Eric and Carl Alphonse, played by Larry Hankin, about the future of Madison Hotels and that he's not mature enough to run a Fortune 500 company.
Eric Gordon: Carl, how many people work for Madison?
Carl Alphonse (Played by Larry Hankin): 61,000 and change.
Eric Gordon: Now how long are those people gonna have jobs once Billy has the hotel operators speaking gibberish.
(Brian sighs and walks over to the window)
Brian Madison: Oh, Billy, Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you're looking for?
(The scene cuts to Billy and his friends finding dog poop and picking it up)
Jack: Here's a nice piece of shit.
"I think that's best described when you come across a bad Adam Sandler movie. And I think that's what I said when I stumbled across Hubie Halloween on Netflix." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy and his friends resort to playing childish, gross-out pranks on Old Man Clemens, played by Jack Mather respectively.
(Billy lights up the bag of poop and rings the doorbell, then he runs off of the porch and hides)
"I see that Billy is resorting to some "How to Get Revenge"-type pranks. Has he been taking lessons from Linda Blair?" Sean asked.
Ted 'Old Man' Clemens (Played by Jack Mather): (Sees the flaming bag of poop) Judas Priest! It's one of those flaming bags again!
Mrs. Clemens: Don't put it out with your boot, Ted!
Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: Don't tell me my business, devil woman! Call the fire department! This one's out of control.
(Old Man Clemens steps on the flaming bag to put it out, then he sniffs his boot)
Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: Yuck! Poop again!
Billy Madison: He called the shit "poop!"
(Billy, Frank and Jack laugh)
Frank: This is the best night of my life.
Ted 'Old Man' Clemens: I'll get you damn kids for this. You're all gonna die!
"I'm gonna get my double barrel shotgun and I'm gonna shoot you in your ass if you come back here again!" Sean exclaimed, imitating Old Man Clemens.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Billy's father has some big news to tell Billy…
Billy Madison: Eric is pregnant! Congratulations! (Touches Eric's stomach) Feel those kicks. He's gonna be a soccer player. He is. He is.
"No, there was already a pregnant man. And that movie was released a year before this movie." Sean said, referring to the movie Junior.
Sean: (Narrating) Brian tells Billy that he is going to retire and Eric is going to take over Madison Hotels. This doesn't sit well with Billy because Eric is a bad choice to take over the company but because of Billy being the biggest slacker ever, he's not fit to take over his father's business.
Brian Madison: How could I hand over my company to someone who couldn't even get through school on his own?
Billy Madison: I don't know. Don't think about it. Just hand it over.
Brian Madison: (Laughs) Forget it.
"Yeah, like I'm gonna hand over the company to some idiot who made Going Overboard. That movie sucked balls." Sean said, imitating Brian Madison.
Billy Madison: Give me one more chance. I'll prove I can take over. I'll do anything it takes. I'll go back to high school and take the exams again. And I'll get my diploma all by myself.
Brian Madison: Billy, it wasn't just high school. You remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade?
Billy Madison: Oh, no, you didn't!
Brian Madison: Rock. R-O-K.
Billy Madison: Yeah. So what's your point?
Brian Madison: R-O-C-K!
Billy Madison: Ah, the "C" is silent.
"Oh, Jesus." Sean said as he makes a facepalm. "How stupid is he for his father to secretly bribe his school teachers to give him passing grades?"
Sean: (Narrating) To prove to his father that he's not an idiot and that he's competent enough to manage the company, Billy must complete all twelve grades in two weeks. And his father agrees to the idea.
Eric Gordon: Nice try, ass wipe, but you're just delaying the inevitable.
(Eric leaves. Billy walks down the stairs as "I'll Tumble For Ya" by Culture Club starts playing. Billy hears the song playing and he starts dancing)
We cut back to Sean, who's seen laughing from that scene. "Okay, I get a good laugh every time I watch that scene where he's dancing to Culture Club. Man, I wish "I'll Tumble For Ya" plays and I start dancing."
And all of a sudden, the song "I'll Tumble For Ya" starts playing as Sean hears the song playing in the background. The young critic gets up from off of the couch and starts dancing like Billy Madison as Taylor enters the house and leaves the house after seeing her boyfriend dancing.
Sean: (Narrating) So Billy starts his first day of school and he immediately meets this attractive hot blonde by the name of Veronica Vaughn, played by Sonya Blade herself, Bridgette Wilson. Veronica is one of the teachers of the school that Billy is going to.
Veronica Vaughn (Played by Bridgette Wilson): You must be Billy Madison.
Billy Madison: Yes, I am.
Veronica Vaughn: Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your father is, you get to come do school all over again.
Billy Madison: Yes, I do.
Veronica Vaughn: Well, as long as you know.
Billy Madison: Well, all right!
Sean: (Narrating) Billy enters the classroom filled with first graders and the teacher Miss Lippy, played by Dina Platias, introduces Billy to her class. Yeah, nobody finds it weird that a 27-year-old man is in class. And then we come to the best part of the movie and the first of many quotable lines from the movie where Miss Lippy reads "The Puppy Who Lost His Way" to the class and we get this classic line from Billy and my favorite. Don't worry, the second favorite line will be coming up later in the movie.
Miss Lippy (Played by Dina Platias): (While reading the story) "'I'll never let you get lost again,' cried the little boy, who was so happy that he gave Happy a kiss on his wet little puppy nose. The end."
Billy Madison: (To Miss Lippy) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Miss Lippy, the part of the story I don't like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn't put posters up or anything. He just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy's gotta think, you got a pet, you got a responsibility. If your dog is lost, you don't look for an hour then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking dog!
"Well, that's some nice, colorful language to say in a room filled with children." Sean laughed.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy goes outside for recess, but ends up getting hit in the head by some little shit named O'Doyle, played by Conor Devitt. And I swear that kid reminds me of my neighbor's kid.
"I still haven't forgotten about the time that the O'Doyle's kid threw a baseball at my bedroom window." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy heads back in the classroom, only to find Miss Lippy doing some kind of weird dance. And she tells Billy that dodgeball time is a special time and he goes all out by hitting every kid with the dodgeball and getting them out and after a rousing game of dodgeball, Billy gets into the great video game debate at lunch.
Kid: Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis is the best video game ever.
Billy Madison: I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
Kid: Donkey Kong sucks!
Billy Madison: You know somethin'? YOU SUCK!
"Hey, as much as I love Mortal Kombat, you do not diss Donkey Kong Country. It's the best game ever. I should know because I've played it for the first time back in July on my Nintendo Switch." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, we cut to Eric, who's trying to act like the cliched 80s/90s villain in a comedy before we back to Billy, who tries to flirt with Ms. Vaughn.
Billy Madison: Look at all this milk. You want some of this milk?
Veronica Vaughn: That milk belongs to that classroom.
Billy Madison: Oh, they don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.
Veronica Vaughn: No milk will ever be our milk.
"Well, maybe I can have some of your milk, if you know what I mean." Sean asked, winking at the camera.
Sean: (Narrating) So after he draws a blue duck, Billy passes the first grade. And what does he get for passing the first grade? He gets a little carnival in his backyard to celebrate. Damn, he gets a carnival for passing the first grade and all I get for passing the first grade was a trip to Blockbuster Video. And Eric is not happy when Billy passed the first grade and moves onto the second grade and he has the school janitor named Rollo as an informant to spy on Billy.
Eric Gordon: So he's passed first grade, and he's moved on to second. Whoop-tee-do! Any more information, Rollo?
Rollo the Janitor (Played by Christopher Kelk): Uh, Billy likes to drink soda. Miss Lippy's car is green.
"You know for an actor playing a douchebag in movies, you have a sucky informant." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So after passing the second grade after beating a studying in a spelling bee, he gets another party, and Eric is still not happy about it.
Eric Gordon: Let me ask you something, Carl. You started here, what, 25 years ago? Night bellboy at the Philadelphia Madison? After all your hard work, how would you feel working for some punk kid like Billy?
Carl Alphonse: Could be worse.
"I mean I could be in Eight Crazy Nights or That's My Boy." Sean said, imitating Carl Alphonse.
Sean: (Narrating) So anyway, Billy starts the third grade and guess who his teacher is…
(Ms. Vaughn enters the classroom and Billy sees her)
Billy Madison: Jackpot!
"Oh, snap." Sean said.
Veronica Vaughn: Good morning, class.
Children: Good morning, Miss Vaughn.
Veronica Vaughn: We're gonna start today by reading together a short story entitled, "My Sister, Fanny."
(The class laugh)
Veronica Vaughn: Quiet. Okay, so let's all open up our Reading Is Fun books to page 69.
Billy Madison: Sixty-nine! (Laughs)
"Dude, don't blow this. I know that you're thinking of sixty-nining the hot schoolteacher on her desk but now is not the right time to be acting like a complete idiot." Sean said.
Veronica Vaughn: Class, say hello to Billy Madison.
Children: (To Billy) Hello, Billy Madison.
Veronica Vaughn: Billy is a nuisance. He will be gone in two weeks. I apologize for this inconvenience.
Billy Madison: (To student) Geez, what's up her butt?
Veronica Vaughn: What was that, Billy?
Billy Madison: I said, "Reading is good." Can we start the story now?
"Don't make a fool out of yourself, Billy. You don't want to piss her off. The last time somebody pissed her off, she broke the poor bastard's neck… with her legs!" Sean exclaimed, referencing Kano's death scene in the movie Mortal Kombat.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy makes fun of some kid trying to read and Ms. Vaughn let's him have it.
Veronica Vaughn: Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?
Billy Madison: I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear.
Veronica Vaughn: You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks, or I'm gonna fail you. End of story.
Billy Madison: I see your lips moving, but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf! Oh, Veronica Vaughn! Sooooooooo hot want to touch the heinie. (Howls like a wolf) Arrroooooooo!
"Don't we all. But then again, she's married to Pete Sampras and I do not want him to come to my house and beat me with a tennis racket and shoving it up my ass." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After making a fool out of himself in the third grade, he talks to his maid Juanita, played by the late Theresa Merrit, respectively, about Ms. Vaughn.
Juanita (Played by Theresa Merrit): Maybe she feels he has to make an example of you. Or maybe she's got something up her ass.
Billy Madison: That's what I said.
Juanita: Poor Billy.
Billy Madison: I'm so depressed.
Juanita: You want me to take my shirt off for you?
Billy Madison: No, thank you.
Juanita: Okay, baby. But remember, the offer is on the table.
"No, thank you. I would rather have Katy Mixon take her shirt off for me. But then again, she's married to Breaux Greer and he's a javelin thrower and you remember that scene from The Omen where Father Brennan gets impaled by a lightning rod? Yeah, imagine Breaux Greer coming to my house and he throws a javelin at me. Won't be a pretty sight." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Billy is busy drawing a sexy drawing of Ms. Vaughn, until the hot teacher asks him to write some words in cursive on the board.
(Billy writes the word "Dugout" on the board in cursive)
Veronica Vaughn: Okay, good. How about "bunt"?
(Billy writes the word "Bunt" in cursive)
Billy Madison: Bunt. B-U-N-T. In perfect cursive. Any more brain-busters? (Chuckles)
Veronica Vaughn: "Rizzuto."
(Billy tries to write "Rizzuto" on the board in cursive. He writes the two z's which doesn't look like cursive)
Veronica Vaughn: "Rirruto"?
Billy Madison: Those are "Z's".
Veronica Vaughn: They look like "R's" to me.
Billy Madison: That's not fair. "Rizzuto" is not a word!
"Of course, "Rizzuto" is not a word. That's the name of the shortstop for the New York Yankees Phil Rizzuto. Holy cow!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, we see that Ms. Vaughn is sick, and that the class have a substitute teacher taking over for Ms. Vaughn while she's sick. And the substitute is in the form of Principal Anderson, played by Josh Mostel.
"Ah, substitute teachers. I remember when we used to have a substitute teacher taking over for the teacher while they're sick, the class tends to act a fool while I'm busy doing my work. Good times." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of good times, remember passing notes in class?
Principal Anderson (Played by Josh Mostel): Excuse me. What's that in your hand?
(The student looks down)
Principal Anderson: Bring that note up to me.
(Billy and the students all say "Oooooh" when the boy named Michael gives the note to Principal Anderson)
Principal Anderson: Now let's see what couldn't wait till after class. (Reads the note) "We're so lucky to have Principal Anderson substituting. Now we have the privilege of staring at that tub of lard all day long. If I were him, I would walk my fat ass right into oncoming traffic."
(The students laugh)
"Oh, come on. That's not nice. Fat guys have feelings." Sean said.
(We cut to Billy reading Valentine's Day cards from different classmates)
Sean: (Narrating) And remember passing out Valentine's Day cards to some of your classmates? Yeah, I remember doing that. And Billy gets some from young girls checking him out. Okay, weird. And he also gets a very special Valentine's Day card.
(Billy reads a Valentine's Day card from Principal Anderson that reads "I want you Billy. From: Principal Anderson". Billy looks up and sees Principal Anderson checking him out. Billy looks at the card and reads something else that's added to it that says "P.S. I'm Horny!" Billy looks up at Principal Anderson as he takes off his glasses and nods his head)
"Ewwww! Okay, I'm grossed out now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Billy and his classmate Ernie, played by Jared Cook, are talking about Ms. Vaughn and that Billy misses her, so to see if she likes Billy, they just call her up from out of the blue. Yeah, that's what you expect when you like a girl. You just call them up.
Ernie (Played by Jared Cook): Hello. Um, is this Ms. Vaughn? Oh, hi. It's Ernie from class.
Billy Madison: (Whispers) Ask her if she has a boyfriend.
Ernie: Um, Ms. Vaughn, do you have a boyfriend? (Whispers to Billy) No.
Billy Madison: Ask her…
Ernie: Shh!
Billy Madison: (Whispering) Ask her if she likes anybody from class like more than a friend.
Ernie: Um, Ms. Vaughn, do you like anybody in class more than a friend?
(Billy walks over to Ernie and tries to listen in on the conversation, but Ernie pushes him away.
Ernie: (Whispers to Billy) No.
Billy Madison: (Whispering) Ask her if she would ever go out with somebody from class.
Ernie: No!
Billy Madison: (Yells) Just do it!
"I want to touch that sweet heinie of hers. Just do it!" Sean yelled out, imitating Billy.
Ernie: Um, Ms. Vaughn, would you ever go out with anybody from class? Uh-huh.
(Billy runs into the other room and grabs the phone to hear what Ms. Vaughn says)
Veronica Vaughn: (On the phone) You see, Ernie, grown-ups like to go out with other grown-ups.
Ernie: What about Billy?
Veronica Vaughn: You're more of a grown-up than Billy.
Billy Madison: I'll give you a grown-up.
"It's my movies Grown-Ups and Grown-Ups 2." Sean said, imitating Billy once more.
Sean: (Narrating) The next the Billy and his classmates are on their way to a field trip and one of the students decides to have a little fun by throwing their sandwich at a timid, angry bus driver, played by Chris Farley in an uncredited role.
Bus Driver (Played by Chris Farley): I'll turn this damn bus around. That'll end your precious little field trip pretty damn quick, huh? Little shit.
Sean: (V/O as Student) Hey Tommy, let's throw an apple at the bus driver's big, fat head. That'll drive him over the edge.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy doesn't want to embarrass himself because he wants to score points with Veronica or try to score with her. And one of the students dare him to touch her boobs, and the kid double dares him to do it.
"Well, let's see how it goes. Maybe it'll end with her slapping him in the face." Sean said.
Billy Madison: Uhhh, Miss Vaughn, how long till we get there? I have to go to the bathroom.
Veronica Vaughn: Probably about 10 minutes.
(Billy pretends to fall on Veronica, while groping her and the students laugh)
Billy Madison: Sorry about that. Damn guy drives like an animal.
Bus Driver: (Looks at Billy) Huh?
Veronica Vaughn: That's all right, Billy. Why don't you go back and sit down now?
Billy Madison: Okay,
Veronica Vaughn: (Smiling) I double dare you.
Billy Madison: (Stuttering) That... I... Accident. Mistake. Tit.
Veronica Vaughn: Go sit down.
Billy Madison: Yes.
(The children laugh at him as Billy looks embarrassed now)
"Hey, he copped a feel on Veronica Vaughn and she didn't even kick his ass. But he's now embarrassed. So much for getting her into bed now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, yeah. The bus driver drops a banana peel on the road. Don't worry, it'll be very important later on in the movie. So anyway, during the field trip, Billy apologizes to Veronica about what happened back on the bus and he was trying to be good lately and she takes a liking to him.
Billy Madison: It's just that the other kids kind of look up to me and I don't want them to think I'm a coward.
Veronica Vaughn: Oh, don't worry about it. Next week you'll have another bunch of kids to impress and another teacher to annoy.
Billy Madison: I don't want to annoy another teacher, Miss Vaughn. I want to annoy you. (Smiles)
"I want to annoy that sweet heinie of yours." Sean said, imitating Billy.
Sean: (Narrating) As they get ready to leave, Billy goes to check on his friend Ernie, who has a rather embarrassing moment.
(Ernie turns around and we see that he peed his pants)
Ernie: I had an accident.
Billy Madison: You had an accident? What does that mean? (Sees that Ernie peed his pants) Gooo! Oh, I know. Okay. Uh... (Sees a kid playing with the water pump) Don't worry, buddy. Hang tight. I'll be right back.
(Billy goes over to the water pump and throws water on his jeans to make it act like he peed his pants)
3rd Grader: Hey, look, everybody. Billy peed his pants.
Billy Madison: Of course I peed my pants! Everybody my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
3rd Grader: Really?
Billy Madison: Yes! You ain't cool unless you pee your pants.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that when you pee your pants, people will get disgusted and make fun of you." Sean said.
(While everybody is getting on the bus)
Bus Driver: Hi, Miss Vaughn. Nice to see ya.
(The bus driver stops Billy and while Miss Vaughn gets on the bus, he looks underneath her skirt)
Bus Driver: (To Billy) That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of "ace". I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No, you don't.
"Yeah, like that guy has experience in women. And by the way, you meant to say that she's one piece of ass, you dumb acehole." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Billy completes the third grade and what does he get, another party complete with a rock band.
Rock Singer (Played by Gino Veltri): (Sings) Billy passed the third grade. Oh, what a glorious day. Oh, passing third grade the Billy Madison way.
"Really, you hired a discount rock band at your party? Couldn't you hire Van Halen to play at your party?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Veronica drops by to congratulate Billy and give him a gift which is some Snack Pack pudding. Meanwhile, Eric is still reeling from Billy passing the third grade and tries to find the perfect person to take him down.
Eric Gordon: Who will help me destroy Billy Madison? Who?
(Eric sees Frank, who's busy playing with children. He then turns his attention to Sean, who's seen holding Moff Gideon's darksaber from The Mandalorian. Eric finally turns his attention to Principal Anderson, who's seen playing in the pool. Eric then proceeds to eat his hot dog before we cut to Sean laughing)
"Boy, I've never seen anyone eat a hot dog so devilishly. I mean, I've seen someone eat popcorn so devilishly and that was in the movie Free Willy. I mean, seriously, you could put that like in any heartwarming scene from a movie or television show and it would just suck the love right out of it!" Sean exclaimed.
(A scene from American Housewife is shown, it's a scene from the second season episode "It's Hard to Say Goodbye" where Oliver says goodbye to Hans Gruber and mourns Spencer's death)
Oliver Otto (Played by Daniel DiMaggio): The thing is, I feel like I just got to know you, and now you're gone. (Cries) It's not fair! (Continues to cry)
(Katie walks over to Oliver and comforts him)
Katie Otto (Played by Katy Mixon): I know, baby. I know.
(Oliver cries)
Katie Otto: Oh, my sweet boy.
(We then cut to Eric eating a hot dog while dramatic music by the movie's composer Randy Edelman plays)
"You see that? Try that out at home with some other movies and television shows. I want to see what you come up with." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So Billy gets some alone time with Veronica and he takes her to his tent where he's been spending most of his tent and he's thinking of scoring with her.
Veronica Vaughn: So, it's the last day of third grade. And you have the teacher alone in your tent. What do you want to do?
"Ooh, I can think of some things that we can do in this tent. In the words of Hall and Oates, what I need is adult education. Oh yeah." Sean said in a deep voice and with a smirk as he references the Hall and Oates song "Adult Education".
Billy Madison: Well, I can think of three things I'd like to do.
Veronica Vaughn: Mmm-hmm.
Billy Madison: One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo.
Veronica Vaughn: Really?
Billy Madison: Live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety's sake. Um three: we'd bring back some of those ice cubes. Switch it over to a pitching wedge.
"Um... kinky?" Sean asked, making a confused look on his face. "Dude, you have an attractive woman in your tent who wants you to give her the Vitamin D. At least use the ice cubes on her naked body."
Sean: (Narrating) But before he could score with Veronica, Carl enters the tent and interrupts them and he warns Billy about what Eric is doing.
Carl Alphonse: He made some menacing comments to me earlier today, and then he did that little weasel laugh that he does.
Billy Madison: Oh, yeah. How's that laugh go again?
Carl Alphonse: You know. (Mimics Eric's weasel laugh)
Billy Madison: (Laughs) That's very good. That sounded just like him.
Carl Alphonse: Thanks. Well, I'm sure he's got something up his sleeve.
"He's planning on winning a Primetime Emmy Award for his role as Josh Lyman in The West Wing." Sean said as a photo of Bradley Whitford as Josh Lyman is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) And we get a hilarious montage of Billy passing grades 4-6 set to the Jackson 5's "ABCs and 123s" while Eric gets more annoyed before we cut to Billy at his tent doing some studying and decides to get a little frisky.
(Billy picks up the photo of Veronica and kisses it. Before he puts it down, he starts making out with the photo and pretends that he's playing with her breasts while he's making out with the photo)
"Ooookay, let's just be glad that he kissed the picture of Veronica that's sitting on her desk and didn't do more to the photo, if you know what I mean." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So after passing the 7th and 8th grade, Billy gets another party and while Principal Anderson goes to the bathroom, Eric sets his evil plan into motion to destroy Billy by blackmailing the poor guy with a dark secret. A dark secret from the past.
Eric Gordon: Hey, tubby, how about a little bathroom reading? I have the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World here.
(Eric pulls out the magazine as Principal Anderson looks on in horror)
Eric Gordon: There's a terrific article about a wrestler named the Revolting Blob. (Looks at the cover) Gee, you know somethin'? He kinda looks like someone I know.
Principal Anderson: Where'd you get that?
Eric Gordon: I have a subscription. Gee. He's a bad guy. He threw one opponent out of the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens. (Looks at the cover again) Boy, this wacko looks familiar.
Principal Anderson: What do I care about some stupid, phony wrestling guy?
"That's because that stupid, phony wrestling guy is you. Duh." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Turns out that Principal Anderson used to be a professional wrestler called the Revolting Blob. And in June of 1983, he accidentally killed a man in the ring. Not wanting the children to find out about his past that will ruin his career, Principal Anderson agrees to cooperate with Eric. As for Billy, he starts his first day of high school by driving in a Pontiac Firebird and listening to "The Stroke" by Billy Squier and wearing a jean jacket and an REO Speedwagon shirt. He sees that high school is much different than school.
Billy Madison: Chlorophyll? More like "bore-ophyll." Right?
(The students and the teacher look at Billy)
Billy Madison: It's a bit stuffy in here, huh?
9th Grader: Don't talk to me.
Billy Madison: And why is that?
9th Grader: Because you're a loser.
"She's right. You're a 27-year-old man in a room filled with 14-year-olds." Sean said.
Billy Madison: No, I will not make out with you!
(Billy laughs while the girl looks at him in shock)
Billy Madison: Did you hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class! You got chlorophyll man talking about God knows what. All she's talking about is making out with me! I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll!
"Okay, where's Beavis and Butt-Head when you need them?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy gets picked on by O'Doyle and he befriends two tenth graders and he denies the fact that everyone is picking on him because he was the king of high school. He drops by Veronica's class to visit her and his third grader friends because of how much he misses them.
Third Grader: Gee, I can't wait till I go to high school.
Billy Madison: Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that! Stay here! Stay as long as you can. (Grabs the kid's face) For the love of God, cherish it!
"Don't go to high school. That place is a nightmare. They have calculus which is a nightmare." Sean said, imitating Billy.
Sean: (Narrating) Billy and Veronica talk for a while and she gives him some advice because of the first time he went to high school was because he wasn't so nice to the other losers, so he calls up a student that he bullied in high school named Danny McGrath, played by Steve Buscemi.
Danny McGrath (Played by Steve Buscemi): (Picks up the phone) Hello?
Billy Madison: Hi, is this Danny McGrath?
Danny McGrath: Yeah.
Billy Madison: The Danny McGrath that graduated from Knibb High School in 1984?
Danny McGrath: Uh, yeah. Who's this?
Billy Madison: This is Billy Madison. You probably don't remember me but I went to high school with you. I kinda gave you a hard time back then. And I did some things I thought were funny at the time. But now I realize they were just mean and then stupid. I just wanted to apologize and I hope you forgive me.
Danny McGrath: Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it. It's no problem.
Billy Madison: Wow, that's great! Uh, well, I am sorry, and uh, maybe we can get together sometime and have some coffee or something.
Danny McGrath: Sure, I'd like that.
Billy Madison: Okay. Well, I'll see you around.
Danny McGrath: Okay. Bye.
(Danny hangs up the phone and grabs a red marker to cross off Billy's name on the list of people to kill. He then puts on some red lipstick on his lips)
"Okay, is there something that I don't know about Steve Buscemi and what he does in his spare time? Do we need to talk about that? Also, on the list of people that he's going to kill, you might notice the names Bob Simonds, Gordon Barnes, Martin Walterson, Mark Manchester, Helen Akerley, Anne Paynter, Perry Blake and Fitch Cadyton. Well, those are the names of the people who worked on the movie. You have Robert Simonds, who's the producer of the movie. Then, there's Helen Akerley, who was the assistant to the producer, the movie's production designer Perry Andelin Blake, Anne Paynter, the assistant production coordinator of the movie, Gordon Barnes the art director, Fitch Cady the executive producer, Martin Walters the assistant director of the movie and Mark Manchester the key grip for the movie. Yeah, looks like Steve Buscemi wants to whack the producers and the crew members of the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, while Billy and his friends are watching television, a shocking news story comes on involving Billy as Principal Anderson tells a lie about Billy and how he offered him a bribe of $5,000. Billy tries to tell his dad that it's not true but he doesn't believe him and calls off his deal with Billy and renames Eric as chairman of the company.
Eric Gordon: Wow! Good news for me.
(Eric makes that little weasel laugh and leaves)
"Wow, what a douchebag. He's probably joining Scott Disick, Logan Paul, Jake Paul, Howard Stern, Eric Cartman and Ex-President Trump at the Douchebags table." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And because of false story on the news and Eric becoming the chairman of the company, Billy stops going to school and reverts to his carefree lifestyle as a drunken idiot. On a night out with his friends, he goes over to Veronica's place in his drunken state.
Veronica Vaughn: Billy, why are you acting like this? I know that you didn't pay off Max.
Billy Madison: Well, that makes two of us then, baby. But it takes more than two to tango. Or something like that. So, let's go!
Veronica Vaughn: No, let's stay. And the three of you can light dog shit on my living room floor. Come on, Billy, you know that…
Billy Madison: (Grabs Veronica's face) Talky, talky, talky. No more talky.
"Dude, she's giving you that look. That's the look that says "Get your hand off of my face or I'm gonna beat the everloving shit out of you."." Sean said.
Billy Madison: Oh. I see what's going on in here.
(Billy sees the invisible penguin waving at him while it's holding a drink in it's flipper and smoking a cigar)
Billy Madison: So sorry to interrupt!
"Oh, boy. He needs to stop drinking. He is losing his mind." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next morning, Billy gets an unexpected visitor who wants to have a little talk with him.
(Veronica kicks Billy and he screams in pain)
Veronica Vaughn: I need to talk to you.
"And immediately she turns into Sonya Blade and beats the shit out of him." Sean said.
(The Mortal Kombat theme plays while Veronica beats some sense into Billy)
Jack: (Wakes up) What's going on, man?
(Jack and Frank wake up to see Veronica beating up Billy in the pool)
Frank: I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo or something.
Jack: Hey, maybe they're playing Marco Polo!
(Frank laughs)
Jack: Marco!
Frank: Polo!
(Frank and Jack both laugh)
Frank: Ah, geez, that was a great game.
Jack: Yeah.
(Veronica dunks Billy's head in the water and pulls him back up)
Veronica Vaughn: You know what? I got an idea for you. Instead of being an idiot every day, why don't you go back to school, graduate and get the company?
Billy Madison: 'Cause I don't want it anymore.
Veronica Vaughn: Oh! (Dunks Billy's head in the water once more and pulls him back up) What do you mean you don't want it anymore?
Billy Madison: Do I got something coming out of my nose?
"Ronnie, next time I see Eric, he's a dead man!" Sean said, imitating Billy. "He ruined everything!"
Sean: (Narrating) After beating the crap out of Billy, Veronica motivates him to go back to school and after her motivational speech, this happens.
(Lively music starts playing)
Billy Madison: (Sings) Yes, I will go back to school and achieve victory. No man will take what my father has built, unless that man is me!
"The movie turns into a friggin' musical." Sean said.
Veronica Vaughn: (Sings) My Billy Sweet Billy Boy, I knew you would go back. No one can stop you if you try. Don't I have a nice rack?
(Billy checks out Veronica's cleavage, then looks at the camera and nods his head and smiles)
Billy Madison: (Sings) Veronica, I thank you for beating the shit out of me. I see things so clearly now I choose my destiny.
"Oh, man. I love it when a movie goes off the rails with it's randomness. And this was a time when Sandler movies were really funny and not sucky. This is one of those movies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Aside from him dancing on the stairs to Culture Club's "I'll Tumble 4 Ya", this little musical number is one of my favorite scenes. It's hilarious and catchy and pretty memorable. And let's not forget to add the most random line ever said at the end of the song.
Billy Madison: (Sings) Do you have anymore gum?
"Yeah, that's still the most random thing I've ever heard in my life." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So after that little musical number, the third graders head down to Principal Anderson's house, only to find him wearing his wrestler mask and they convince him to retract his bribery accusations. This pisses off Eric, who ends up throwing a stapler at his secretary's head and putting her in a coma…
"Yeah, just be glad he didn't put Donna Moss in a coma." Sean said as a picture of Donna Moss from The West Wing is shown.
Brian Madison: Billy should get another shot at high school.
Eric Gordon: Hey, rules are rules! Billy was supposed to finish each grade within the two weeks or I get the company. And he didn't finish ninth grade.
Carl Alphonse: Eric, certainly there are extenuating circumstances.
Eric Gordon: Extenuating, exmenuating! We had a deal, a signed, written deal. Each grade, two weeks, or I get the company.
Brian Madison: Well, technically you're right, but…
Eric Gordon: Oh, shut up, Brian! I've had to listen to your jawing for too long. "Well, technically..." Just shut up! Are you ready to hand the company over to me now?
Brian Madison: No!
(A clip from A Christmas Story is shown)
Ralphie as an Adult (Voiced by Jean Shepherd): (Narrating) The Old Man stood quivering with fury. Stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was…
The Old Man (Played by Darren McGavin): NOT A FINGER!
Eric Gordon: Then I'll see your ass in court.
Brian Madison: Good.
Eric Gordon: Nice talking to ya, shitheads! (Does his weasel laugh)
"Ok, why do I get the feeling that's how Bradley Whitford laughs in real life?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) But Billy challenges Eric to an academic decathlon to finally settle their feud with the winner getting to take over Madison Hotels.
Eric Gordon: It's a deal. (Shakes Billy's hand)
Billy Madison: I know it was you. (Grabs Eric's face and kisses him) You broke my heart.
(Billy slaps Eric in the face and leaves)
Sean: (V/O as Eric) Did he just reference Godfather Part II and kiss me? What a weirdo.
Sean: (Narrating) So anyway, we get a montage of Billy and Eric studying for the academic decathlon. Billy's method of studying involves…
Veronica Vaughn: Norman invasion of England.
Billy Madison: 1066.
Veronica Vaughn: (Takes off her jacket) That is correct.
"Whoa, this movie's getting good already. It looks like Bridgette Wilson is stripping. Please movie, don't disappoint me now." Sean said with a smile on his face.
Veronica Vaughn: Magna Carta.
Billy Madison: 1215?
Veronica Vaughn: (Pulls down her suspender straps) Yes. (Moves her hands down to the bottom of her shirt) Spanish Armada.
"Ooh, I know this one! it's 1588. Billy, say 1588." Sean said.
Billy Madison: 1466. '67. 1469.
"No, 1588. Say 1588. Look, I wanna see some boobies in a PG-13 movie. So please, say 1588. I'm begging you." Sean pleaded.
Billy Madison: 1514. 1981. 1986. (Sees that Veronica is putting her jacket back on) Please, do not do that. Come on, I swear... Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!
"IT'S 1588! 1588!" Sean yelled out and starts crying. "Why, Billy? Why?! I wanted to see some titties."
Billy Madison: Spanish Armada. Ah, 1588!
"Oh, you finally said 1588. Now can we see some boobies?" Sean asked.
Bus Driver: That is correct.
(The bus driver takes off his shirt in front of Billy)
We cut back to Sean, who starts gagging from the sight of a shirtless Chris Farley.
"Oh, God! No! NO! Anything but Chris Farley's man boobies! Jesus Christ, movie! Great, now I'm gonna have that image of Chris Farley shirtless burned in my memory. Can I just watch Eastbound and Down on HBO Max so I can see Katy Mixon's boobs in the season one finale? Or maybe it's just her body double or it's actually her. If it's actually her, then I just saw the mom from American Housewife naked. I can cross that off on the bucket list, see Katy Mixon naked in a show or movie." Sean said. "And if you watched the show Eastbound and Down, she's smokin' hot! And she's smokin' hot on American Housewife too."
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the day of the academic decathlon and we see that both Billy and Eric excel in different activities. Oh, yeah. Remember that banana on the road. Well…
(The station wagon, which contains the O'Doyle family drives over the banana peel, which causes the father to drive uncontrollably while they all chant "O'Doyle rules!". The car then drives off of the cliff and we hear an explosion, indicating that the O'Doyles were killed)
"Yeah, looks like Billy was right. O'Doyle and his whole family went down. Don't believe me? Let me play that scene where he said this line to O'Doyle." Sean said.
Billy Madison: O'Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family's going down.
(We see the words, "A Few Scenes Later", on the screen and we cut to the O'Doyles driving off the cliff)
"Yeah, Billy was right. O'Doyle and his whole family went down... in flames." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And now we come to the 10th and final event of the contest, which is a Jeopardy!-style academic test, so when Eric picks out the category, which is Reflections of Society in Literature, Billy gives his answer, which is a pretty stupid one.
Billy Madison: The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called The Puppy Who Lost His Way. (Winks at Miss Lippy) The world was changing, and the puppy was getting bigger./So you see, the puppy was like industry in that they were both lost in the woods. And nobody, especially the little boy, "society," knew where to find them. Except that the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution. Knibb High football rules!
(The audience applauds and cheers)
Principal (Played by James Downey): Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
"Okay, I get a laugh every time I hear that line." Sean said, chuckling a bit.
Sean: (Narrating) So now, it's Eric's turn as Billy chooses the topic Business Ethics.
Eric Gordon: (Stammering) The ethics of business can be summarized in…
Boy: Boo!
Eric Gordon: Yeah. Um, see... Ethics are... You know the... The thing about ethics...
(Screams and pulls out a revolver)
"Oh, shit! I knew Bradley Whitford was gonna snap after he learned that his show Perfect Harmony got cancelled for one season." Sean said.
Eric Gordon: That question was not fair! That was not in the reading! I demand a new question.
Billy Madison: Take it easy, psycho. You blew it. You lose.
Eric Gordon: (Points the gun at Billy) I oughta blow you away, you miserable…
Billy Madison: Well, go ahead and do it!
(Eric cocks his gun and gets ready to shoot Billy)
Billy Madison: Yikes! (Ducks down)
Sean: (Narrating) Before Eric could shoot Billy, Principal Anderson tackles Eric from backstage while he's in his Revolting Blob outfit. Eric recovers from the attack and he attempts to shoot Veronica.
(Eric laughs maniacally as he attempts to shoot Veronica)
Billy Madison: No!
(A gunshot is heard as Eric gets shot in the buttock by Danny McGrath, who's seen wielding a rifle)
Billy Madison: Man, I'm glad I called that guy!
"Geez, what is it with Bradley Whitford getting shot? He gets shot in the ass by Steve Buscemi in this movie. He shoots himself in RoboCop 3. And he gets shot by a white supremacist sniper on an episode of The West Wing." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Therefore, happy ending! Billy graduates high school. But he makes his decides not to run Madison Hotels because he's not fit for the job, so he announces that he will pass Madison Hotels to Carl and Billy decides that he will go to college and he will be a teacher and Billy and Veronica kiss and we see some characters kiss and the bus driver making out with the invisible penguin and getting a handjob from it.
"Yeah, no wonder my friend Kenny from the seventh grade said that this movie is Billy Madison uncut. Anyway, so that was Billy Madison. It's a weird, little movie and I love it." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) It's weird, it's crude, it's raunch and it's funny. The movie has a somewhat stupid sense of humor, but it does make you laugh. What can I say about it? It's no Citizen Kane. The movie has earned itself a major cult status among youth and adults since it's release and it's one of the most quotable and memorable movies. It's not awful like many other goofball comedies of the '90s, it is very entertaining and memorable and one of Adam Sandler's best films. If you haven't seen this film, then go check it out. You'll have a great laugh. Billy Madison comes in at three invisible penguins out of five.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and let's hope that I make it to 200 episodes." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
And that's all for the 100th episode of The Mayhem Critic. And yes, I know that it's out of order due to me working on Halloween Havoc III. Since the Billy Madison review is episode 100, the Halloween Havoc III reviews are episodes 101-104. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, it's time for another top 11 countdown. In honor of the return of Animaniacs, Sean, Brian and Taylor take a look at the best Animaniacs episodes. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.