The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, ladies and gentlemen. It is I, the great James Stryker and I'm here to bring you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, Christmas may be over but Sean the Mayhem Critic has one more Christmas movie to cram in for the year, and this is the one that got people riled up. And that movie is Home Sweet Home Alone, a reboot of the 1990 Christmas classic Home Alone. Does this movie deserve to be the most hated Home Alone movie or does Sean have anything good to say about it? Well, let's end this month with one more Christmas movie. Here's the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Sit back, relax and enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Home Sweet Home Alone is owned by 20th Century Studios, Hutch Parker Entertainment and Disney+.
Episode 137
Home Sweet Home Alone
We open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting down on his favorite couch, his hands rubbing his temples in a circular motion, sighing a bit before he starts his introduction.
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said in a deadpan tone. "Well, Christmas is over and it's still December. I'm sure that there's a bad Christmas movie for me to review."
(The poster for Home Sweet Home Alone is shown)
"Oh, Christ. Well, it's no turning back now." Sean said.
(The title screen for Home Sweet Home Alone is shown, followed by footage of the film)
Sean: (Narrating) From the writer and director who brought us (posters of) Da Ali G Show, Borat, Bruno, Bridget Jones' Baby, Office Christmas Party and Dirty Grandpa…
"What's his name again?" Sean asked.
(A picture of the movie's director, Dan Mazer, is shown along with his name)
"Oh, yeah. Dan Mazer. Yeah, Borat is my favorite." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) …Home Sweet Home Alone premiered on Disney+ on November 12, 2021 as an original title and the first 20th Century Studios film to be produced for the streaming service. The film is a reboot of the original Home Alone. You're kind of wondering why in the world would they reboot Home Alone? Well, I know the answer to that, because they've got to have money. When the trailer premiered and I have to be honest with you, when I saw the trailer for it, I felt the same anger and outrage that all of you did. Jesus Christ, have they not learned their lesson? After that trailer was posted on YouTube, it was met with negative responses from fans and received more than 79,000 dislikes. Damn, and I thought that the Ghostbusters reboot trailer from 2016 was that bad. And since Disney has bought Fox, they've brought us this movie. Boy, this is their one off from the (the DVD cover of the Tremors 7-Film Collection DVD is shown) Tremors movies. Originally, I didn't plan on reviewing this movie, but I'd figure that I get that out of the way before I end up reviewing the other Home Alone sequels (The posters for Home Alone 3, Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House and Home Alone: The Holiday Heist is shown). I can't believe that we're this close to New Year's and yet I'm reviewing one more Christmas movie. I guess I should give the people what they want… well, nobody asked for it. So, let's wrap up this year with this movie that would be the death of this franchise. Hell, Home Alone 4 was the start of killing the franchise. (A poster for Home Alone 4 is shown)
"Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Home Sweet Home Alone." Sean said.
(The movie begins as we get a shot of a house done up with Christmas decorations)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie opens with a bunch of people entering an open house as we see a real estate agent named Gavin Washington, played by Kenan Thompson, talking to a young couple about open concepts and we see that the house being sold is the home of Pam and Jeff McKenzie, played by Ellie Kemper and Rob Delaney.
Pam McKenzie (Played by Ellie Kemper): Open is my favorite concept.
Gavin Washington (Played by Kenan Thompson): Well, here they are, Pam and Jeff McKenzie, the owners.
Pam McKenzie: Hi.
Jeff McKenzie (Played by Rob Delaney): Hi.
Gavin Washington: I was just telling the Breckins that they could probably knock down some of these walls and make it one, big, open space.
Clem Breckin (Played by Jordan Carlos): Not mad at that. (Laughs)
Daisy Breckin (Played by Esther Povitsky): Yeah.
"It's nice to see Brooke from iCarly not trying to have a threesome with Carly and Freddie. And when I think about that, I should've written that fanfic about it because it would've been one hot, messy threesome." Sean said.
Jeff McKenzie: Well, you just wanna be careful, 'cause if those are load-baring walls and you knock one down, the whole place could collapse.
Clem Breckin: Mmm.
Daisy Breckin: Really?
Clem Breckin: Bummer.
Pam McKenzie: Um, its not a Jenga tower, Jeff.
(They laugh)
Gavin Washington: (Laughing) It's not a Jenga tower, Jeff.
Sean: (Narrating) Jeff tries to botch the sale by bringing the interest down with some of his comments, so Pam sends him off to get more bottled water. In the meantime, we're introduced to the "British Kevin" of the movie named Max, played by Archie Yates of JoJo Rabbit, as we see him complaining to his mother Carol, played by Aisling Bea, that he needs to go pee.
Carol Mercer (Played by Aisling Bea): I told you to use the restroom in the coffee shop, darling.
Max Mercer (Played by Archie Yates): After Uncle Stu had been in there? Really? Did you see how many deviled eggs he had for lunch?
Carol Mercer: Oh, goodness. Um. Okay. You'll just have to wait till we get home then.
Max Mercer: You sure about that? Do the maths. Six soda refills into one, tiny, ten-year-old's bladder does not go.
Carol Mercer: I'm… (Sighs)
"Well, who's fault is that then? I'm not the one that drank too much soda, darling." Sean said, imitating Carol.
Sean: (Narrating) They arrive at the McKenzies' house to pretend that they're going to buy a house so that Max could go use the restroom and he finds Jeff getting drinks from out of the closet.
Max Mercer: Ooh! Can I get one of those?
Jeff McKenzie: Uh, that might be a question for your parents, just 'cause there's a lot of sugar in them, so…
Max Mercer: Oh. Fine. Wow, you're so tall. You almost look like Frankenstein.
Jeff McKenzie: Oh, you mean Frankenstein's monster. Frankenstein is the doctor, FYI.
"Yeah, kid. Haven't you ever seen the movie Frankenstein or Young Frankenstein?" Sean asked.
(Jeff pulls down a box of old dolls)
Max Mercer: Uh. Cool dolls.
Jeff McKenzie: (Chuckles) Well, they're not mine. Um. They belonged to my mother.
Max Mercer: (Nods his head) Sure they did.
"No, really. The dolls belonged to my mother. I don't play with them. Okay, there was this one time where I was making a Barbie doll have sex with a Ken doll. It was pretty embarrassing and we do not want to talk about it." Sean said, imitating Jeff.
Sean: (Narrating) Max stumbles across one of the dolls with its head upside down and he insults Jeff some more until his mother finds him and sees the doll.
Carol Mercer: Ooh! Is that a Schneider Kinder? I saw these on Treasure Trunk, You know, that antiques show. I love that show. (Picks up the doll) There was this elderly lady who'd bought one at a garage sale for about $10. And then it ended up going for about $5,000.
Jeff McKenzie: Wow, 5,000 bucks for an ugly, little porcelain kid. I didn't get half that for selling my real kids.
(Max groans, making a disgusted look on his face while Jeff chuckles)
"Yeah, I'm with Max on that one. You're one, sick fuck. But then again, you were one of the commentators on World's Dumbest." Sean said.
Carol Mercer: I think we should go home.
Max Mercer: Oh, yah. I can't wait to go home and share one toilet with nine bloomin' cousins.
Carol Mercer: Maxwell Johan Mercer. What is with you today, hmm?
Max Mercer: Carol Ellen Mercer, take a guess?
"Sean Jonathan Archer. Wait, are we saying our full names to each other? Oh, great. Now everyone knows my middle name." Sean said.
Carol Mercer: You know what? How's about we just spend Christmas in Tokyo without you?
Max Mercer: Great idea.
Carol Mercer: I'll leave Grammy with you.
Max Mercer: Oh, yes, Grammy.
Carol Mercer: Then you'll have to go to bed at 6:00pm every evening and help her with her bath.
Max Mercer: Oh, that sounds great. Where do I sign up?
Carol Mercer: No McDonald's for you on the way home.
Max Mercer: What? Mum. You can't promise a kid McDonald's and not deliver.
"Yeah, taking McDonald's away from a kid is a travesty. That boy needs his Big Mac." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Max apologizes to his mother for being a dick and lashing out at her and Carol tells him that Christmas is all about spending time with family and all that good stuff, even if everything they do drives you nuts. Meanwhile, Gavin tells Pam and Jeff that they've gotten a few nibbles, but then Pam and Jeff start to freak out when their kids arrive home and because they haven't told them that they're selling the house. So, they immediately remove traces of the open house before Abby, played by Katie Beth Hall from the Head of the Class reboot, and Chris played by Max Ivutin, enter the house.
Jeff McKenzie: Hey!
Abby McKenzie (Played by Katie Beth Hall): Oh, hi.
Pam McKenzie: Hi, guys. I thought you were gonna call after the movie was over.
Abby McKenzie: Oh, no, we just took an Uber. (Her and Chris see Gavin standing in the room holding balloons) You good?
Pam McKenzie: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm doing some thinking, you know? This is a very good spot for thinking. (Acts like she's thinking) Hmm.
"I'm thinking about selling the house… No! Don't think that. I was thinking about why the hell Netflix cancelled Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. We should've gotten a fifth season." Sean said, imitating Pam.
Chris McKenzie (Played by Max Ivutin): (To Gavin) Who are you?
Gavin Washington: I'm, uh…
Jeff McKenzie: This is Gavin. And he is, um…
Gavin Washington: Your personal trainer. That… Yes. I'm gonna be training your flabby dad.
Jeff McKenzie: Hmm?
Abby McKenzie: (Notices the balloons) Balloons?
"He got them from a party at Kenan Thompson's house." Sean said.
(A clip from iParty with Victorious is shown)
Freddie Benson (Played by Nathan Kress): The famous Kenan Thompson?
Sam Puckett (Played by Jennette McCurdy): Gee. I… I don't know. It could be Kenan Thompson the butt doctor!
Gavin Washington: I'm just gonna take off real, quick, and I'm gonna see y'all later. And I'm looking forward to that butt.
"Okay, that line is totally taken out of context." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the Mercer house, which is a literal McMansion, where Max has to deal with his relatives staying at his house as they drive him insane by not letting him play video games with him and shooting at him with Nerf guns.
Max Mercer: I'm sick of this bullsh…
(Max sees the Elf on the Shelf)
Max Mercer: We don't have to tell Santa about that, right, Goobie?
"Don't worry, kid. This is a PG film. Just let the word slip." Sean said.
Max Mercer: Mum.
Carol Mercer: I'm simply saying that you have put me on a different flight to my children.
Max Mercer: Mum.
Carol Mercer: The computer won't let you? What is the computer? Is it God?
Max Mercer: Mum. Mum!
Carol Mercer: Max, please! You are not the only person in this house, darling.
Max Mercer: I wish I was.
(A clip from Home Alone is shown)
Kevin McCallister (Played by Macaulay Culkin): I wish they would all just disappear.
"Well, looks like your wish would come true, buddy. Hmm, I wonder what's gonna happen next." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Getting sick and tired of being neglected by his family, Max sneaks out to the garage and climbs into the car and starts watching some Looney Tunes. Hey, this kid's got some style. He's watching some Looney Tunes. Meanwhile, Pam is upset with Jeff about his comments during the open house that may have put off some potential buyers and she reminds him that they're trying to sell the house.
Pam McKenzie: I always thought we'd get old and weird in this house. But we've done the math. We can't afford it on my salary alone.
Jeff McKenzie: Yeah, but I crushed my interview with IBM.
Pam McKenzie: You crushed it. Crushed it! But that was three months ago.
Jeff McKenzie: Well, any company with a brain needs a good data migration manager, okay? I mean, I wouldn't trust an algorithm to port over a MySQL database to a new server without any human oversight.
Pam McKenzie: Me neither.
"Oy. This is one of my biggest pet peeves in any movie is when any characters use words that are longer than six words and everyone around them is like dumbfounded. I mean, come on. Speak english, Egon!" Sean exclaimed. "All he did was say data migration and algorithm and Pam's just looking at him like…"
(Cut to a still image of Pam as we hear the Tim Taylor grunting sound in the background)
"Me, on the other hand, I just want to punch you in your face for spouting all that nerdy talk." Sean said.
Pam McKenzie: But it might take a while to find another job. You said it yourself. The data migration boom is over.
Jeff McKenzie: Its the cloud.
Pam McKenzie: The cloud.
(A clip from iCarly is shown)
Sam Puckett: No one knows how to use that cloud thing!
Sean: (Narrating) Later that night, Jeff's brother Hunter, played by Timothy Simmons from Veep, his wife Mei, played by Ally Maki, and their son Ollie played by Aiden Wang, drop buy to pay Pam and Jeff a visit.
Jeff McKenzie: Hey. What are you doing…
Hunter (Played by Timothy Simmons): Doing here? (Hugs Jeff) We flew in early to get ahead of snowpocalypse or whatever.
Jeff McKenzie: Snowmageddon.
Hunter: Snowpocalypse is better.
"Snowmageddon and Snowpocalypse sounds like a movie that could be shown on the Syfy channel." Sean said.
(The poster for the 2011 Syfy film Snowmageddon is shown)
"Oh, wait. Snowmageddon was an actual film that they showed on Syfy. I forgot about that one." Sean said. "But hey, I'm all in for a Snowpocalypse movie. Syfy needs to make that shit happen!"
(Hunter's wife Mei, is seen walking in high heel boots in the snow)
Sean: (V/O as Mei) Don't mind me. I'm just making my way to your house in the snow while wearing my fashionista boots. Whoops! I almost slipped on the ice.
Mei (Played by Ally Maki): (Hugs Jeff) Oh, we would've called, but we thought it would be fun to surprise you.
Jeff McKenzie: Yeah.
Mei: Are you surprised? (Hugs Pam)
Pam McKenzie: We are surprised. We're very surprised.
Mei: I know. It's so cute here.
"Yeah, don't you love having those middle of the night visits from your family members? Because I had to deal with that when my drunk Uncle Wade came to visit. Dude almost burned my Christmas tree." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After getting everybody situated, Jeff is busy checking his job profile only to see that his job resume has zero views, then he searches for the doll that he found and he finds the same one that is listed for $200,000. So, he searches for it only to find that it's missing and he puts two and two together.
Jeff McKenzie: That brat kid stole my doll. My mom's doll. (Sighs) How am I gonna find this kid?
Carol Mercer: Maxwell Johan Mercer.
Max Mercer: Carol Ellen Mercer.
(A clip from TruTV's World's Dumbest is shown)
Rob Delaney: Staff versus hammer!
Jeff McKenzie: Bingo.
Sean: (Narrating) Jeff drives down to the Mercer's house, where he finds everyone is about to leave for their trip to Tokyo while Max is asleep in the back of the car. Jeff talks to Uncle Blake, played by Pete "Where the hell have you been?" Holmes, and asks if Carol is home, but he tells her that she took the early flight and she booked the cars for them and they're in a hurry for their trip because the original movie did it.
Uncle Blake (Played by Pete Holmes): Somebody that lives here, what's the code?
Ricky: Your mamma!
Uncle Blake: Thank you, Ricky! Guess who's number one to get his head shaved? It's Ricky! Code!
Katie Mercer (Played by Maddie Holliday): One, one, one, two.
Uncle Blake: One, one, one, two. Brilliant.
Jeff McKenzie: Ooh, that's a bad code.
"You think? It's like having one, two, three, four as the security code. That reminds me, I have to get that code changed." Sean said.
"It's like someone having 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 as the code, which I've heard about." Brian said.
Jeff McKenzie: (As the family leaves) Oh, hey, wait! Wait! (Groans)
(Jeff turns around and looks at the snowman)
Jeff McKenzie: What the heck are you looking at?
(Jeff walks up to the snowman and punches it)
Jeff McKenzie: (To the snowman) I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day.
"Okay, what did Frosty ever do to you? Did he traumatize you when you were a kid or was it the movie Jack Frost? Dude, there's a spot in Hell for you right next to Jeffrey Epstein and Charles Manson with a Hell Demon whipping you." Sean said.
(Jeff peeks through the window and sees a bulge in Max's pocket, believing to be the doll)
Jeff McKenzie: There it is.
Sean: (V/O as Jeff) Ugly doll, here I come!
Jeff McKenzie: Oh, my…
(Jeff grabs the keys from where Blake puts them)
Jeff McKenzie: One, one, one, two.
(Jeff looks around for a bit and goes to open the door. He sticks the key in the door and a siren goes off. He hides until he sees a police cruiser driving in the neighborhood and a barking Doberman.)
"Boy, talk about being the world's dumbest burglar." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Don't worry, guys. It was just a false alarm, so he doesn't go through with it. Jeff heads down to the nursing home and meets up with Pam and he explains to her why he was late.
Jeff McKenzie: Yeah, the doll is in that house. I saw it in his jacket.
Pam McKenzie: Why didn't you tell me this?
Jeff McKenzie: I thought I would handle it myself.
Pam McKenzie: And your way of handling it was breaking and entering?
Jeff McKenzie: Just entering. I had the key.
Pam McKenzie: It's still against the law, Jeff.
Jeff McKenzie: (Sings) Like a lightbulb.
Hunter: Oh, my gosh. This is so terrible.
"That's easy for you to say, buddy. Your Uncle Jeff laughed at you when your girlfriend dumped you." Sean said
(A clip from Veep is shown featuring Uncle Jeff laughing)
Jeff McKenzie: But that's why I didn't do it, Columbo.
Pam McKenzie: Well, good.
"No, Pam. You're supposed to say, "is that a fact?", that's Columbo's signature catchphrase." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Max, he wakes up and goes back inside the house, only to find that no one else is there and that he's the only one in the house because the original film did it. Plus, he gets to have lots of fun by himself like playing video games, reading his older sister's diary, eating junk food and playing Legos on the pool table. Plus, I got a great laugh from this little gag right here.
Max Mercer: All right, Internet. Show me your worst.
(Max clicks on the Internet and sees that it's blocked)
Max Mercer: Well played, Mum and Dad.
Sean is seen breaking down in laughter from watching the scene.
"Okay, that was a clever joke. He was about to look up some porn and yet his parents blocked it." Sean said.
Sean: (V/O as Max) All right, Internet. Show me some boobies…
(Sees that the Internet page is blocked)
Sean: (V/O as Max) Oh, biscuits! Thanks a lot, Mum and Dad. I wanted to check out Brazzers.
(We cut to Max trying out his parents clothes, then we cut to him sitting in front of a desk with a bunch of candy as he starts eating the M&M's)
"Okay, who's been watching Scarface? You think a Scarface joke is appropriate for this movie? Little kids won't understand that because you have Al Pacino snorting cocaine. Don't do drugs, kids." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Pam and Jeff, we see that…
Johnny (Played by John Novak): I'll tell you what I am gonna give you, Snakes. I'm gonna give you 'til the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my spaceship…
"Really? A space version of Angels With Filthy Souls. Ralph Foody is throwing up in his grave. You should be ashamed of yourself, movie." Sean said.
Hunter: I don't know why they're always trying to remake the classics. Never as good as the originals.
"You know, he makes a good point. They're always trying to remake the classics and they're not as good as the original. Haven't they learned from Scream 4? The first rule of remakes."
(A clip from Scream 4 is shown)
Sidney Prescott (Played by Neve Campbell): Don't fuck with the original.
Sean: (Narrating) Pam sees Jeff decorating the tree and she remembers all the memories her family has had in the house while "Somewhere In My Memory" plays because the original did it!
Pam McKenzie: Home sweet home.
(Pam imagines her family begging her to get the doll to save their house)
Chris McKenzie: Mom, you gotta save our house.
Abby McKenzie: Seriously, Mom, will you just get the doll?
Jeff McKenzie: It's just entering, Pam. We have the key.
Gavin Washington: Pam, you have to call me.
(Sean appears)
Sean: Ellie, for the love of God, don't do this movie! I'm begging you. (Realizes something) Wait a minute, didn't I do this joke the last time and why the hell am I doing it again?! Also, where's my burrito?!
Pam McKenzie: I will, you ugly, little boy!
(Chris, Jeff, Abby and Mei look at Pam)
Mei: Well, I think you're very handsome.
"Are you talking about me? 'Cause if you are, then I know I am handsome." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Pam and Jeff drive down to the Mercer house out in the worst snowstorm ever and Jeff tries to back out on it.
Jeff McKenzie: Pam, I watched an episode of Locked Up earlier today on demand, and… I can't go to jail, honey. I wouldn't last 30 seconds in gen pop.
Pam McKenzie: Gen pop?
Jeff McKenzie: General population.
"Okay, first she doesn't know what the word "algorithm" meant and she's never heard of the term "gen pop". Do you not know any words, Pam?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Pam and Jeff go to the house to grab the doll, so he grabs the key to unlock the door and the alarm goes off. They turn the alarm off but he ends up putting the wrong code, which activates the alarm. Also, Max sees them and he recognizes Jeff. Thinking that they're gonna grab him and sell him to a bunch of old ladies, he orders the Homebot to call the cops and what do you know, the police arrive in the form of the only cameo that they could have in this movie, Buzz McCallister played by Devin Ratray.
Buzz McCallister (Played by Devin Ratray): Evening.
"Okay, out of all of the characters from Home Alone, they made the perfect choice in bringing back Buzz." Sean said.
(A montage of clips featuring Buzz from Home Alone 1 and 2 are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) To be perfectly honest with you all, this is the only cameo that I would legit be interested to see. Buzz is my favorite character in the films because he actually evolves. Yes, he's a bully but he gets smarter and he talks more sophisticated and yes, Devin Ratray played the character pretty well.
"They could've gotten Macaulay Culkin to appear in the film… eh, screw him." Sean said.
Pam McKenzie: Hello, Officer. (Scoffs) Did somebody slip and fall?
(Jeff chuckles. Max sees Buzz talking to Jeff and Pam)
Max Mercer: Ha! Busted.
Buzz McCallister: Is this your residence?
Pam McKenzie: Well, I certainly hope so. Otherwise, I've been cleaning somebody else's sinks for the past 14 years. (Chuckles)
Jeff McKenzie: (Chuckles) Sinks.
Pam McKenzie: Is there a problem, Officer? Honey, why don't you go warm up the car?
Buzz McCallister: We got a call. Your home alarm's been triggered.
Pam McKenzie: Yeah, well, the code is our anniversary, so… you think he's gonna remember that?
"Uh, Pam. What if he asks you what the code is? Did you ever think of that?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Max gets aggravated that he's not arresting them and lets them go. Then he begins to imagine himself telling Buzz everything that happened and his mother gets put in jail for leaving him home alone, so he'd figure that telling the police is a bad idea. Meanwhile in Tokyo, Carol is outraged that her family assumed that Max was on the other flight instead of checking with her.
Uncle Blake: We didn't take a census. I… Stu, did you assume he was on the plane?
Uncle Stu (Played by Chris Parnell): Carol, I swear to you. That boy was not in the house when we left.
Carol Mercer: And where do you think he was, Stu? At the… at the Four freaking Seasons?
"Okay, Catherine O'Hara didn't go berserk like that in the original film. Uh, what was her reaction when she found out that they left Kevin home alone?" Sean asked.
(A clip from Home Alone is shown)
Kate McCallister (Played by Catherine O'Hara): Kevin!
"And what was her reaction in the second film?" Sean asked.
(A clip from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is shown)
Kate McCallister: (Screams) KEVIN!
(Kate faints)
"And in this one, Carol doesn't scream out Max's name after realizing that she left him home alone. Instead, she turns into this angry mother who wants to kill her family for leaving her baby all by himself." Sean said.
Carol Mercer: You do realize that, because of you, I'm in Japan, and my ten… ten-year-old son is at home by himself?
Uncle Blake: Yeah, but… but first-world problems, you know? (Chuckles)
Carol Mercer: (Attacks Blake) First-world problem?
"You damn Americans think it's so funny to be making jokes like this. If something happens to my son, then I'm coming after you." Sean said, imitating Carol.
Sean: (Narrating) Carol heads to the airport to wait for the next flight back to America because the original film did it! Meanwhile, we see Buzz sitting in his police cruiser and enjoying a little snack while he hears about Max on the radio and we get a little exposition dump.
Buzz McCallister: Listen, when I was a kid, my family went on vacation. We forgot my little brother Kevin. Twice.
"We're not gonna mention Home Alone 4, that movie is dead to us." Sean said.
Buzz McCallister: He called in the 289 to mess with me. The idiot does it every year.
Male Dispatcher: Are, uh, you sure about that?
Buzz McCallister: Yes, I'm sure about that! I know for a fact that there is no forgotten child at that address. I was just there for a bogus home-alarm call, okay? Guess what? The place had a McCallister Home Alarm system. Oh, gee, a coincidence? I don't think so.
Male Dispatcher: Yeah. So can you just drive by and check it out?
Buzz McCallister: Ten-four. I'm on my way now.
"Okay, what I love about this scene is that he mentioned the events of the first two movies and we hear John Williams' classic Home Alone theme in the background. Hell, it made me think that Kevin is now the CEO of McCallister Home Security. You know what would also make this scene a little better? If Buzz called Kevin a little trout sniffer." Sean said.
Buzz McCallister: Trout sniffer.
"Okay, I've changed my mind about this movie, I am loving it!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day is Christmas Eve and Pam and Jeff are in church having some family time, and guess who they see show up in church, Max.
(Jeff sees Max)
Jeff McKenzie: Pam. Pam, it's the kid.
(Pam gasps)
Pam McKenzie: You're right. It is. Who's the old lady?
"Oh, what a coincidence for him to end up at the same church as Pam and Jeff. Movie, can you not be this dumb?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) They see him talking to some old lady and they assume that she's Max's German grandmother, which gives them a chance to break into the house and steal the doll back from Max. Since the streets are hot, they wait it out at night and sneak into the house while trying to climb over the tall wall. Plus, you have a church choir singing "O Night Divine" in the background….
"Because original film, goddamn it!" Sean exclaimed.
(Pam tries to get Jeff up a tall wall)
Pam McKenzie: Okay. Just…
Jeff McKenzie: One, two.
(Jeff farts)
Pam McKenzie: Oh, my God.
Jeff McKenzie: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
(Pam retches)
Pam McKenzie: Just get up there.
"And you've gotta add a fart joke in the movie. Do we still think that fart jokes are funny? That's so '90s right there." Sean said.
(Jeff manages to get up over the wall and stands on top of a playhouse and sighs in relief)
Jeff McKenzie: It's okay, Pam. I… (Screams)
(Jeff goes through the roof of the playhouse. While Pam sees a gate)
Pam McKenzie: Oh. A gate.
"So, you two should've gone through the gate instead of going through all of that nonsense? Boy, you two must be the worst, no scratch that, the world's dumbest criminals." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So Max returns home to his house to enjoy some cereal while Pam and Jeff break into the house, only to see that they're something different about Max and his family.
(Pam and Jeff enter the house, only to find a black family living in the house and then they realize that they got the wrong house)
"Awkward. Yeah, you've just entered the home of a family who's the same skin tone as me. Also, I couldn't help but laugh at that little gag." Sean said.
Pam McKenzie: (Sighs) The wrong house. That's on me,
Jeff McKenzie: Yeah, yeah. I get the sense it was.
Pam McKenzie: Okay, let's just go next door. That's where he lives. We're gonna check it out.
(Pam and Jeff step over a pool and end up slipping on the pool cover and getting soaked by the water)
Pam McKenzie: We're in a swimming pool! (Screams) We're freezing! (Screams)
Grandpa Burke (Played by William S. Taylor): "...one step, they leapt into the sky toward Neverland."
Burke Son #2 (Played by Dylan Eugene Olivier and Deryk Eugene Olivier): (Sees Pam and Jeff in the pool) Why are man and lady drowning?
Grandpa Burke: Oh, no. They're not drowning. They're in the sky flying.
"Oh man. How oblivious is the grandfather? He doesn't even notice that there's two white outside drowning in their pool. If that happened in real life, this is how it would go down." Sean said.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
Sean: (as Grandpa Burke) "So up to the housetop the coursers they flew. With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too…"
Sean: (V/O as Burke Son) Grandpa. Why are man and lady drowning in the pool?
Sean: (as Grandpa Burke) No. no. Santa's on the roof and he's about to go down the chimney.
Sean: (V/O as Burke Son) But grandpa, there are two white people drowning in the pool.
Sean: (as Grandpa Burke) Did you say two white people drowning in the pool? (Turns to his left and sees Pam and Jeff in the pool) Oh, I see them. Well, grandpa is about to show them what happens when you mess with a Black Panther. (Picks up his rifle) Excuse me for a second.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
"Yeah, that's right. I did a little race joke. Just to let you all know that I'm not trying to offend anyone. This is just played out for comic effect. I am a professional black movie critic and a comedian. I do this to entertain people." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After a series of misfortunes and failing to get inside the house, Pam decides to just give up, but Jeff is not willing to give up because he wants that damn doll back. So they discuss their entire game plan very loudly so Max could hear and probably the whole neighborhood.
Jeff McKenzie: I mean, what do we say to our kids? "Oh, sorry we flushed your life down the toilet, but life kept smacking us down with klepto kids and German grandmothers and the stupid cloud."
Pam McKenzie: I hate you, cloud.
Jeff McKenzie: Enough is enough.
"I have had it with this monkey fightin' kid in this Monday through Friday movie." Sean said, imitating Jeff.
Jeff McKenzie: So let's come back later, you know? Like after dinner, after b-bedtime even. Midnight, you know? Like after-after the old lady's gone to sleep.
Pam McKenzie: Yeah, but what if the kid wakes up? You know, kids are always running down in the middle of the night to see if Santa came.
Jeff McKenzie: What if I dress as Santa? He'll think I'm just Saint Nick.
"Or he'll think that you're impersonating the dude from Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II. All you need is a Beretta 9mm and just yell out "Garbage Day!" before you pop the little brat. Damn, that sounded a bit dark." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And since this is a Home Alone movie, this brings us to the climax of the film and you know what that means, it's time to set up the traps with a little help from composer John Debney's rendition of the track "Setting the Traps".
(We get a montage of Max setting the traps while the track "Setting the Traps" plays)
"Yeah, I still say that John Williams is the master. Can we replace it with John Williams' rendition of the theme?" Sean asked.
(The scene plays with John Williams' rendition of the track "Setting the Traps" plays in the background)
"Ah, I needed my fix of John Williams' music." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Pam and Jeff return to the Mercer house and are greeted by a series of traps set by Max…
"And remember the traps in the original film…" Sean said.
(A montage of the traps from the original film are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) …where Harry and Marv had to deal with and the injuries that they've sustained and how painful the traps are?
"Well in this one, the traps are much more painful. Hell, even brutal. And I mean Rambo: Last Blood brutal." Sean said.
(A series of traps are shown in a montage with Pam getting hit with bottles of soda and having her feet set on fire. Then, we see Jeff putting in the alarm code and gets his finger poked by a thumbtack and getting shot in the head with a billiard ball by Max, which knocks him out. Jeff is seen wearing a VR headset and jumps on a shelf. Pam gets hit in her toe by a spoon and steps on a bunch of Lego bricks in her bare feet. Jeff gets hit in the face with a bag of flour and a gallon of milk. Pam slips down the butter-covered stairs while Max fires a bag of sugar at Jeff, hitting him in his groin. All these things happening to Pam and Jeff is going on while the song "Run Run Rudolph" plays in the background)
Max Mercer: Given up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?
(A clip from Home Alone is shown)
Kevin McCallister: You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?
Sean: (Narrating) Pam manages to make it upstairs to find Max's jacket to find the doll, but instead she finds something else.
(Pam finds a can of orange soda in Max's jacket pocket)
Pam McKenzie: What?
"A can of soda?! You two idiots are getting brutally murdered by this ten-year-old Jeffrey Dahmer over a can of Kel's favorite soda." Sean said.
(A clip from Kenan & Kel is shown)
Kel Kimble (Played by Kel Mitchell): Who loves orange soda? Kel loves orange soda! Is it ture? (Picks up the bottle of orange soda) Is it true? Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, it's true-ooh. I do, I do, I do I do-ooh. (Kisses the bottle of orange soda)
Sean: (Narrating) After Max tries to literally murder Jeff with icicles, he runs back inside where Pam points a Nerf gun at him while Max points his gun at Jeff in a tense Mexican standoff.
Pam McKenzie: We just want to talk.
Max Mercer: Yeah, right. I heard your plan. You wanna kidnap "the ugly boy" and sell me to some old lady for 200 large.
Jeff McKenzie: What?
Pam McKenzie: What? (Scoffs)
Max Mercer: And I'm not ugly. My mum says I've got character.
Pam McKenzie: You thought… (Stammers) Is that why you made this death maze?
Jeff McKenzie: Kid, we just want our doll back.
Max Mercer: What doll?
Jeff McKenzie: The one you stole from our house. The boy with the bad face. The ugly boy.
Max Mercer: That? I didn't steal that. I'm ten years old. Why on earth would I want a doll?
"Besides, I would rather have that orange soda that you wouldn't let me drink." Sean said, imitating Max.
Sean: (Narrating) Pam and Jeff realize that they've done a bad thing and they want to call Max's grandmother, but his grandmother lives in England. He then tells them that he's just in the house all alone while his family is in Tokyo, which makes the couple feel sorry for him.
Pam McKenzie: You're safe now. We'll take care of you, okay?
Max Mercer: Okay.
(They all hug until the chandelier falls on them)
Max Mercer: Okay, I know what it looks like… but that was genuinely an accident.
"Ah, it's nothing better than making up with the people trying to break into your home and almost skinning them alive and trying to kill them with a chandelier. This brings out the Christmas spirit in me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Pam and Jeff take Max home with them as they explain to their family about what happened. And just when you think that all is lost for Pam and Jeff when they tell their kids about them selling the house, Ollie is seen with the doll and this happens.
("Carol of the Bells" plays in the background as Jeff races to get the doll as he pushes Hunter out of the way)
Sean: (V/O as Jeff) Out of my way, bitch!
(Ollie throws the doll as Pam and Jff try to get it, but Max manages to catch it)
"Whoa, nice catch kid." Sean said. "I'm impressed."
Sean: (Narrating) Therefore, happy ending! Max reunites with his mother, Pam and Jeff and their family stay in their house and Max and his mother return to their home, only for Carol to find the house a disaster. Then , we transition to one year later, as we see the Mercers spending Christmas with the McKenzies at their home for Christmas dinner. Jeff has a new job with a new promotion and also, Max gets his delicious orange soda.
Pam McKenzie: To new friends.
Carol Mercer: And family.
Pam McKenzie: Mmm.
Jeff McKenzie: And me having no permanent neurological damage.
(All laugh)
Pam McKenzie; And here's to Max for bringing us all together. Merry Christmas, everybody.
(The movie ends with the shot of the McKenzies' house)
"And that was Home Sweet Home Alone and despite the hate that it gets from Home Alone fans, I find it to be an enjoyable film." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) Now I know that all of you are going to ask why am I liking this movie? Look, I've watched some people ripping it apart on YouTube and I haven't seen a positive review about it and this is my positive and honest review on it. I love that it captures the nostalgic feel to it and I love some of the easter eggs placed in the movie as well. The movie does it's own thing. I get a couple of laughs from a few moments in the movie and although there are some that I didn't get a chuckle from. The entire cast is absolutely hilarious and they're well chosen for their roles like Ellie Kemper, Rob Delaney, Kenan Thompson, Chris Parnell and Pete Holmes. I also found Archie Yates enjoyable to watch as well. Yeah, he's no Kevin but still he manages to make me laugh. My only problem with the film is that it starts off slow at first. We all know where this is headed and it takes a bit too long to get to the action. Home Sweet Home Alone is something that fans of the original will enjoy and it manages to do it's own thing. Coming in at 4 ugly dolls out of 5.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- I don't know why they're always trying to remake the classics. Never as good as the originals.
Whew! Man, did I have a heck of a time working on this review. Originally, this was supposed to be posted back in December of 2021 and since it's 2022, I'm posting this right now. Again, sorry for the wait, I've been busy with work and stuff. But hey, I managed to get it done. Now, I will be taking a little break from working on The Mayhem Critic since I've got a couple of stories to work on. Don't worry, on January 22nd, I'll be back with more reviews. So, which movie for The Mayhem Critic do you want me to work on next? Here are the choices:
Die Hard With A Vengeance: Sean takes a look the third entry in the franchise which happens to be his favorite while dealing with a crazy terrorist named Simon.
Baby's Day Out: Sean dives into the world of John Hughes as he reviews the movie that became a cult classic.
A Good Day to Die Hard: Yippie-kay-yay, Mr. Falcon! Sean takes a look at the fifth entry in the Die Hard franchise, in which was rated R and we've got it. But in the end… does it really matter? Also, what went wrong with this movie?
Beverly Hills Cop III: Sean rips apart the third and final entry of the Beverly Hills Cop movies where he sees why this is the worst in the franchise.
So, which movie would you like to see me review next? After that movie, I will be working on Video Game Month where I will be reviewing the following movies:
Street Fighter (1994)
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Mortal Kombat (2021)
Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms
Sonic the Hedgehog
Hope you're excited for Video Game Month. Feel free to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.