The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I'm here to bring you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, Video Game Month comes to an end when Sean takes a look at the 2020 film adaptation Sonic the Hedgehog and he's not doing this review alone. Today, he's gonna review this with his good buddy Lucas as they see if it's the best video game movie ever. So sit back, relax and grab yourself a cold one to drink. Here's the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by Paramount Pictures, Sega and Original Film.
Video Game Month Part V: Sonic the Hedgehog
(The Video Game Month intro begins a la parody of The Completionist)
We open with our favorite movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, getting ready to address his audience once more. This time, he is wearing his Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt, denim jeans and his white Addidas sneakers. To complete the set, he started eating some chili dogs that was sitting on his plate.
"Man, that's a good chili dog topped with cheese, onions and mustard. Boy, Taylor is going to deal with me tonight." Sean said.
"Uh, Sean. You're on." Cami said from behind the camera.
Sean immediately stops eating his chili dog and grabs a napkin to wipe his mouth off before he starts his review.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one and welcome back to the final week of Video Game Month." Sean said. "Well, I've looked at some video game movies. Some good, some bad, some that were a mixed bag. But, I think I've found the perfect video game movie to finish off Video Game Month. Oh, yeah. And trust me, you're all gonna like…"
(The alarm starts blaring as Sean looks around as music from Marvel Super Heroes plays in the background followed by the words "Here Comes A New Challenger" appearing on the screen)
Dave: (V/O as Announcer) Here comes a new challenger!
"Oh, wait. I forgot. I'm not doing this review by myself. Oh, no. I have somebody tagging along with me for the ride. No, it's not Chad Knight. We've already teamed up for the Mortal Kombat review." Sean said.
(A clip from Game of Thrones is shown)
Bronn (Played by Jerome Flynn): Jaime fucking Lannister.
"Don't you start now, Bronn." Sean said as he points to the camera.
"I think what the announcer's talking to is me." Said a voice off-screen.
Then all of a sudden, Sean looked to his right and saw that his best friend and confidant, Lucas, appeared alongside him on the couch eating a chili dog of his very own all while wearing a orange T-shirt with Tails on the front, blue jeans and Chuck Taylor sneakers to complete the look.
He took a bite out of his chili dog before smirking over to Sean, "You know a co-review is always fun as hell when you've got me to tag along."
"You got that right, my man." Sean nodded to Lucas before looking over to the camera, "Now that my friend's here with me, let's talk about the coolest video game character of all-time."
(A clip of the Sonic The Hedgehog title screen plays alongside his familiar theme song. Then various clips of gameplay begin to play out in a montage.)
Sean: (Narrating) Yes, our favorite blue blur with the sickest red kicks, Sonic The Hedgehog. This speedster made his anticipated debut on the Sega Genesis in June of 1991 with the release of his self-titled game, and no doubt, this hedgehog ended up launching Sega into the stratosphere as a console developer. Take note that 1991 would also be the year that the Super Nintendo came out with the release of Super Mario World in the process. And this of course, launched what would be forever known as the "Console Wars". Safe to say that throughout these past thirty-plus years since his debut, Sonic The Hedgehog has been looking pretty hot ever since. I mean, look at all of the things Sonic built his legacy on: His own cartoon, his own delicious pasta, and did I forget to mention the huge collection of Sonic games he's built up on his own? That's a big legacy to build up on.
"While he had all of that, the only one thing Sonic fans were missing from their hero was a big action-packed movie." Lucas replied before smirking out, "And in 2020, our prayers were finally answered in the form of this…"
(Clips of the "Sonic The Hedgehog" film begin to play out while the song "Speed Me Up" by Wiz Khalifa plays in the background in the form of a montage.)
Lucas: (Narrating) That's right, in February 14, 2020, Sonic The Hedgehog was finally released in theaters. The film was produced by Paramount Studios and is also the directorial debut of Jeff Fowler, who of course got his start doing animation for the 2009 movie Where The Wild Things Are and believe this or not, did CG movie production on the video game Shadow The Hedgehog. If that ain't a surprising fact, I definitely don't know what is. He got his start doing something Sonic-related before he could work on Sonic's motion picture debut. And no doubt the blue hedgehog's big screen debut paid dividends as the film had grossed over $319,000,000 worldwide, making it the highest-grossing video game film of all time here in the states even though it was released to a bit of mixed reviews in the process.
"And of course, you ask yourselves: How come it got mixed reviews in the first place?" Sean said, raising an eyebrow to the camera, "Well, I can think of one perfectly good reason why it did…"
(A picture of Sonic from the original Sonic The Hedgehog trailer was shown, which was the version that was nowhere near similar to the exact design from the video game itself.)
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, that's one good way to put it. Sonic in his original form looked ugly as shit boiling from a third-world hell. It was the reason why many fans let out a big outcry to the developers of the film, which caused them to delay the film for an entire three months just to redesign Sonic and make it look like what he looked in the exact game.
"Was the hard work to redesign our favorite blue hedgehog worth it in the long run?" Lucas said, raising his eyebrow as well, "Did the people at Paramount give us a Sonic that stayed truthful to the game itself, or did they fail like a buggy, glitch-filled mess like that godawful Sonic '06 game?"
"Well, let's find out ourselves though as we strap in our red sneakers and speedrun as far as we can to this speedfest we know as Sonic The Hedgehog." Sean replied, "But first things first though…"
All of a sudden, Sean immediately got up out of his seat and using YouTube logic, raced out of the door Sonic The Hedgehog-style. He then came back several seconds later with cans of the official Sonic The Hedgehog energy drink labeled "Speed" in his hands, which he tossed right to Lucas before sitting right back on his seat.
"What can I say, had to get some speed for this special occasion." Sean replied, reminding everyone watching at home all while grabbing his can of Speed. "And here we go!"
(The movie opens with the Paramount Pictures logo, followed by the Sega logo and the Original Film logo)
Sean: (Narrating) Immediately, the movie gives us a taste of nostalgia as we see the Paramount Pictures logo surrounded by rings and we get an orchestral version of the Green Hills Zone theme.
Lucas: (Narrating) Gotta say, that sounds fit perfectly like a glove. It ain't long before Sonic The Hedgehog, which this time it's voiced by Ben Schwartz, is busy spending his day being chased by a flying robot flown by Dr. Robotnik aka Dr. Eggman. How did Sonic get into this predicament, you ask? Well, let our favorite blue blur tell you.
(We see Sonic The Hedgehog getting chased all around the city by a flying robot being rode in on by Dr. Robotnik, who's busy blasting lasers at him. An explosion happens right behind Sonic before stopping at a freeze frame.)
Sonic The Hedgehog (voiced by Ben Schwartz): So, I know what you're thinking. Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog being chased by a madman with a mustache from the Civil War?
"I don't know, maybe because he's literally chasing your blue furry ass for the fun of it?" Lucas shrugged out, "You know like he usually does for these last thirty years?"
Sean: (Narrating) It is there where we head off to another flashback, this time giving us a beautiful real-life landscape of the island Mobius. And aside from that, we get a babyfied Sonic running all around the course just because he's well… Sonic, who else? He soon makes a stop at his treehouse where he meets up with his guardian, Longclaw.
Longclaw (Voiced by Donna Jay Fulks): Sonic, someone could have seen you.
Baby Sonic (Voiced by Benjamin L. Valic): No one saw me. I'm too fast.
(Baby Sonic starts running in place.)
Baby Sonic: And… I wanted to bring you this.
(Baby Sonic pulls out a sunflower to show to Longclaw, who's taken aback.)
(A clip of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is shown from the episode Hearts and Hooves Day.)
Apple Bloom, Scootaloo & Sweetie Belle: AWWWWWW!
"Yeah, we get it, it's cute." Sean groaned, "Heck, girls in the theater itself would think it's cute."
Lucas let out a groan before saying to the camera, "Look, no offense, but can we legitimately quit baby-fiying characters we know and love. It was alright in the 80's when Muppet Babies did it, but seriously, this is getting stale like Sonic's fucking turbo-turds. Guess we can blame Rugrats for making animated babies popular."
Lucas: (Narrating) But then a tribe of masked echidnas interrupt this adorable moment by shooting at Sonic and Longclaw as they chase after them for Sonic's power because he couldn't keep his power a secret by running around the island.
(Longclaw flies away with Sonic as the echidna archers shoot at her)
"Geez, these echidnas have no aim at all. They're the Stormtroopers of this movie." Sean said.
(One of the echidna archers fires an arrow at Longclaw and manages to hit her, causing her to plummet to the ground with Sonic)
"Well, at least one of them have perfect aim." Lucas said.
Sean: (Narrating) Longclaw reminds Sonic of the importance of keeping himself and his powers hidden because bad people will be after him for his power. So, she uses a golden ring to open a portal to a planet on the far side of the universe, which is Earth.
Baby Sonic: I don't want to go without you.
Longclaw: You must. (Gives Sonic the rest of the rings in a small bag) These rings will be your most important possession.
"And make sure you collect a bunch of rings and avoid getting hit by Badniks. If you collect 50 rings, then you'll go to a Special Stage and if you collect 100 or 200 you'll get an extra life. I'm just letting you know this." Sean said, imitating Longclaw.
Lucas: (Narrating) Sonic runs through the portal to Earth while Longclaw stays behind to fight off the echidnas
Baby Sonic: Longclaw!
(Sonic runs back to try to save Longclaw)
Longclaw: Goodbye, Sonic.
Baby Sonic: No!
(The portal disappears just before he can reach her)
Baby Sonic: No!
"Don't worry, Sonic. You two will be reunited again later on in the movie." Sean said.
"Yeah, we don't see her ever again, broski." Lucas said.
"Yeah, she's dead as shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to ten years later to the town of Green Hills, Montana and we're introduced to local sheriff Tom Wachowski, played by James Marsden, as we see him in his most exciting part of his job.
(Tom is sitting bored in an empty speed trap waiting for cars)
Tom Wachowski (Played by James Marsden): Come on, one car?
(Tom plays around with his radar gun while making fast car noises and ends up whacking himself in the face with it)
Tom Wachowski: I'm bored.
"Wow, how exciting is that? Christ, I'm bored just from watching Cyclops." Lucas said.
Wade Whipple (Played by Adam Pally): (On radio) Tom, do you read me? Are you there?
Tom Wachowski: No, Wade. I'm actually on a yacht in Barbados. With Rihanna.
Wade Whipple: OMG. (Chuckles) That's amazing. Please send pics.
Tom Wachowski: No, Wade. I'm at the speed trap.
Wade Whipple: Already? How did you get back so fast? Barbados is in the ocean!
"Geez! This guy's a fucking idiot! Dude, your friend is not in Barbados. Haven't you heard of sarcasm?" Sean asked as his phone starts ringing before he answers it. "Hello?"
"Hey, Sean. Sean, are you busy?" Oliver asked.
"No, Oliver. In fact, I'm in a big, fancy mansion and I'm sitting in a hot tub. With Kali Roses." Sean said.
"The pornstar? Nice. Wait a minute, if you're in a mansion with Kali Roses, then where's Taylor? Where's my sister, Sean?" Oliver asked.
"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF SARCASM?!" Sean yelled out before ending the call.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom gets something on his radar gun, which is the speed of a turtle walking slow as shit as always, then Sonic starts screwing with him for a bit by zipping past his radar gun at ridiculous speeds.
(Sonic zips past Tom's radar gun. Tom sees that the speed was 300 mph. Sonic pops up from behind Tom's police cruiser as the Sonic SatAM theme plays in the background before Sonic speeds away)
Sean: (V/O as Tom) Huh? I wonder if there's an invisible car driving past me or they're screwing with me.
Sean: (Narrating) So Tom gets out of his car to investigate and he discovers one of Sonic's blue quills lying in the grass and brings it with him just as he is called away to take care of a minor issue involving a duck stealing a bagel.
(The camera moves down on a turtle, who's still on the road as a car approaches. As the car gets closes, the screen cuts to black as we hear the sound of a squishing sound, followed by the image of the turtle and the message: "In Loving Memory of Mr. Turtle, 2020.", while the song "Angel" by Sarah MacLachlan plays in the background. Then, we cut back to actual footage of the film as we see the turtle being saved by Sonic)
Sean: (Narrating) I'm just kidding. Sonic saves the turtle from turning into turtle soup and gives him a ride much wilder than Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Sonic The Hedgehog: (To the turtle): Have you ever felt so alive? (Holds his arms out) This is great. You're doing amazing.
(The turtle flies out of Sonic's hand)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Oh, geez!
(Sonic runs back and grabs the turtle)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Good recovery.
"And Sonic tries to turn that poor little turtle into turtle soup. Nice goin' there, buddy." Lucas said.
Lucas: (Narrating) Sonic then runs back to his hidden cave that he turned into his home because he's having the time of his life down at Earth. He also lets us know that if he's ever discovered, he'll follow Longclaw's instructions and use his rings to escape to a new planet, which is a world filled with mushrooms.
(Sonic throws a ring and opens a portal to the mushroom planet)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Narrating) Gross, smelly mushrooms.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I hate mushrooms.
"Yeah, don't we all. I hate those Mad Moles that fling mushrooms at you and they send you flying back." Sean said.
"Let's not forget the Cluckoids and the Dragonflies too." Lucas said.
"Yeah, them too. Oh wait, that reminds me. I need to order a pizza from Domino's Pizza. Hey Sonic, would you like a pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms?" Sean asked.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I hate mushrooms.
"Then, no mushrooms. Fine. I'll just get pepperoni." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic then gives us a tour of Green Hills and he introduces to some of the townspeople, like Tom, who all know him as the local sheriff and Sonic calls him "The Donut Lord". Aside from being the local sheriff, Tom lives with his wife Maddie, played by Tika Sumpter, and Sonic nicknames her "The Pretzel Lady".
"Why is she called the "Pretzel Lady"?" Sean asked.
(Maddie is seen doing a yoga pose)
"Mostly because of her yoga flexibility. And seeing a woman that flexible, is a turn-on for a guy. Which reminds me, Taylor is in the other room doing some yoga and I'm gonna go watch her." Sean said as he gets up from off of the couch.
Lucas: (Narrating) And then you have the one crazy person in this whole town who's onto Sonic. And that person is Crazy Carl, played by Frank C. Turner, and he's trying to catch Sonic so he can prove to the townspeople about his existence.
(Sonic speeds past Crazy Carl's bear traps. Crazy Carl runs away but then he gets snagged on a rope trap)
Crazy Carl (Played by Frank C. Turner): I know you're out there! And I know you're real!
Sonic The Hedgehog: No, I'm not.
"I wonder what's Crazy Carl's deal with Sonic. What did Sonic ever do to piss him off?" Lucas asked.
(A clip from Another Stakeout is shown)
Unlucky (Played by Frank C. Turner): Son of a bitch killed my friends. Cut me bad. Think I'd forget?
"Well, he has his reasons." Lucas said.
Sean hurried back into the room and sat back down on the couch.
"Alright, now where we?" Sean asked.
"Was Taylor doing yoga?" Lucas asked.
"No." Sean pouts. "Instead, she was busy looking up some recipes for dinner."
(We cut to Tom and Maddie sitting on the couch while watching a movie)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Narrating) Movie night is my favorite.
(Sonic pops up from behind the window)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Please, please. (Sees that they're watching "Speed") Yes! Keanu! You are a national treasure.
("Speed" is shown on the television)
Jack Traven (Played by Keanu Reeves): When I find you…
Howard Payne (Played by Dennis Hopper): (On the phone) Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus.
Sonic The Hedgehog: "Pop quiz, hotshot." (Does the chef's kiss) It's a classic line.
"Okay, I'm gonna have to give Tom and Maddie some credit. They do have their taste in awesome movies. And yet, they gave me a movie to review for The Summer of Keanu Reeves and Sonic is right, Keanu Reeves is a national treasure." Sean said.
Lucas: (Narrating) But with him having so much fun on Earth and having these so-called "friends", Sonic still feels very lonely and fears that he will spend the rest of his life alone. Meanwhile, Tom comes home to find some raccoons digging in his trash can and some good news from Maddie.
Tom Wachowski: "Dear Thomas. We have reviewed your application to the San Francisco Police Department, and pending interdepartmental review and background check, we are happy to inform you that you have been selected to join our team."
Maddie Wachowski (Played by Tika Sumpter): Oh, my God!
Tom Wachowski: Wow. Oh, my God.
(Maddie pulls out a box and sits it on the counter)
Maddie Wachowski: (Opens the box) Ta-da!
Tom Wachowski: "San Francisco Sucks."
(We see the cake that reads: "Forget Those Morons, San Francisco SUCKS!" and the image of the Golden Gate Bridge on fire)
Maddie Wachowski: Oh! (Closes the cake box and sits it underneath the counter) Wrong one! (Pulls out the right cake that reads: "Congratulations. I Never Had A Doubt!" and the image of Tom) Ta-da! (Laughs)
"Well, dang. What's your beef with San Francisco? They have the best football team." Lucas said.
"They also have the best Frisco burgers." Sean said.
"Let's not forget the San Francisco Pride Parade." Lucas said.
"And the Golden Gate Bridge." Sean said.
"The Tanner House from Full House." Lucas said.
"Alcatraz Island." Sean said.
"Colt Tower." Lucas said.
"Fisherman's Wharf." Sean said.
Lucas then let out a big reply, "Oh, I didn't forget to mention the fact they have an awesome basketball team too. Gotta love my Golden State Warriors."
Tom Wachowski: I mean, this is all happening so fast.
Maddie Wachowski: Oh, man. It's the craziest thing. You apply for the job, you get the job.
Tom Wachowski: Well, pending a background check.
Maddie Wachowski: Oh, man. Hope they don't find out about that time you used the neighbor's Wi-Fi.
Tom Wachowski: Correction: I'm still using the neighbor's Wi-Fi.
"Oh, Tom. I hope you have your reasons for using the neighbor's Wi-Fi. And I definitely know the answer… Brazzers." Sean said as the Brazzers logo appears on the screen. "Oh, yeah. This show is sponsored by Brazzers."
Sean: (Narrating) Tom and Maddie discuss the difficult decision to move away from Green Hills by mentioning some of the things that he's sacrificed for Maddie and Maddie is happy to sacrifice for him. And let me just mention this, I love the relationship between Tom and Maddie, she is willing to support her husband no matter what and I love how James Marsden and Tika Sumpter play these characters off.
Maddie Wachowski: Babe, are you sure you're okay with this? I mean, there's been a Wachowski protecting this town for more than 50 years. This is a big change.
Tom Wachowski: I'm positive. It's time for this guy to get out there and prove himself. I love Green Hills, but, you know, I want to help people in real trouble. I want someone to turn to me in a life-and-death situation and I'll be there for 'em.
Maddie Wachowski: I get it. I'm so proud of you. (Hugs Tom)
Tom Wachowski: Thank you.
"Just make sure you wear a bulletproof vest if you ever get into a shootout with a bunch of drug dealers. I just want you to come home safely, babe." Lucas said, imitating Maddie.
Lucas: (Narrating) The next day, Tom recites his department speech to a donut while Sonic is busy watching the local youth baseball playoffs and watching the young player high-fives his teammates and later that night, he heads out to the field and plays by himself.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Bottom of the ninth, tie score. And exactly who you want at the plate with the game on the line– Sonic! (Uses his speed to assume the role of the pitcher) But staring him down from the pitcher's mound is the most fearsome southpaw in Green Hills… also Sonic. (Uses his speed to assume the role of the batter) Okay. Focus, Sonic. If you win this game, you'll be the most beloved kid in Green Hills.
"Playing baseball by yourself. Yeah, imagine Sonic assuming the role of the cast of Major League." Sean said.
"Hell, I'd bet he'd be so good, he'd play every single position in MLB: The Show." Lucas nodded out.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic realizes that he doesn't have anyone to cheer him on because he's alone and he proceeds to do this.
(Sonic runs desperately around the field. His sadness turns into anger and frustration. His emotions start to build up, which causes electricity to emit from his body)
"Oh, shit! He's about to turn Super Saiyan on our asses!" Lucas exclaimed.
(Sonic lets out an anguished scream as the energy within him explodes outward into a massive electromagnetic pulse, knocking out the power across the entire Pacific Northwest)
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We cut to Sean, as we see him sitting in his office as he gets ready to watch a Brazzers video featuring Anna Claire Clouds and Isis Love titled "Just Like In College")
Sean: (While watching the video) Oh, yeah. Give Sean a show. Man, I've been looking forward to this video my whole life. I wish I would join Isis Love and Anna Claire Clouds in a threesome. Time to unleash…
(The EMP hits Sean's neighborhood, knocking out the power to his whole house)
Sean: (Anguished scream) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Taylor: Sean, did you forget to pay the electric bill?!
(Sean starts crying)
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic realizes that he may have went a little too far by re-enacting the EMP scene from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and dashes off, hoping that no one would notice this, that is until Deputy Wade Whipple, played by Adam Pally, gets swamped with several phone calls, so he calls Tom for some help.
Wade Whipple: Hi, Tom. Wade here. What is going on?
Tom Wachowski: (Tries to turn his lights on) Well, gosh, I think the power's out.
"Really? No shit! Thanks for stating the obvious, Tom." Sean said.
Wade Whipple: Yeah, no dur! The lights are out. The whole town is freaking out. What should I do?
Tom Wachowski: Okay, relax. Take a deep breath, call Gil, see if they can locate the downed line, then… call Zim and see if he can get his generator over to the Super Q so the food stays fresh.
Wade Whipple: (On the phone) Call Zim before Gil?
"Are you out of your mind?! You want me to call Invader Zim before calling Gil from Street Fighter?!" Lucas asked, imitating Wade.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom sees that the blue quill that he found from earlier starting to glow, while in the meantime, we cut to the Pentagon, where Commander Walters, played by Tom Butler, discuss the energy surge with some of his people.
Vice Chairman Walters (Played by Tom Butler): …an energy surge knocked out power across the entire Pacific Northwest. What do we know?
Navy Chief of Staff (Played by Garry Chalk): Well, our first instinct was it was an EMP. But electromagnetic pulses don't have that kind of power.
"Holy shit! That was Garry Chalk, the guy who voiced Grounder in The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog and Dr. Robotnik in Sonic Underground. And if you remembered the review of The Fly II that me and my friend Brian reviewed, he played Scorby." Sean said.
"Gotta give the filmmakers some credit, they did manage to get one of the voice actors from The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. I just wish that Jaleel White made a cameo in this movie." Lucas said.
Sean: (Narrating) And since the Pentagon aren't good at figuring out what it was, Commander Walters best option is to send the right person for the job.
Air Force Chief of Staff (Played by Michael Hogan): You're not suggesting who I think you're suggesting.
Vice Chairman Walters: I know, he's a little weird.
Air Force Chief of Staff: Weird?
Army Chief of Staff (Played by Peter Bryant): No. No way.
Air Force Chief of Staff: He's a psychological tire fire!
Vice Chairman Walters: But he's also brilliant. Five PhDs, IQ off the charts. And his drone tech is revolutionary!
Army Chief of Staff: You're sure he can handle this?
Vice Chairman Walters: He has a perfect operations record. Remember the coup in Pakistan.
Army Chief of Staff: No.
Vice Chairman Walters: Or the uprising in Azerbaijanistan?
Navy Chief of Staff: That's not even a country.
Vice Chairman Walters: Exactly. And you can thank Robotnik for that.
Air Force Chief of Staff: I can't believe you're bringing that freak into this.
Vice Chairman Walters: Neither can I, but… we have no choice.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we come to the absolutely best part of this movie." Sean said as he takes a deep breath before he spoke again. "Cue the theme music."
(Robotnik's theme from Sonic the Hedgehog plays in the background as his truck enters the baseball field)
Major Bennington (Played by Neal McDonough): (Sees Robotnik's truck) What the…
(The door opens, revealing Dr. Robotnik, as he walks down the steps and approaches Major Bennington and removes his sunglasses)
Dr. Robotnik (Played by Jim Carrey): Are you in charge here?
Major Bennington: Yes, I am…
Dr. Robotnik: Nope!
Major Bennington: My…
Dr. Robotnik: Wrong!
Major Bennington: …name…
Dr. Robotnik: I'm in charge!
Major Bennington: …is Major…
Dr. Robotnik: Me!
Major Bennington: Ben…
Dr. Robotnik: I'm in charge.
"Okay, let me just say this: Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik is the best part about this movie and we love his performance." Lucas said.
(Footage of Jim Carrey's different performances are shown, followed by his performance as Dr. Robotnik. Then, images of different versions of Robotnik are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) When I first heard that Jim Carrey was going to play Dr. Robotnik in the movie, I was a bit skeptical at first, thinking that he's gonna do a horrible job at playing the character and also thinking that he's gonna be like Sonic '06 Robotnik. But you know what, he proved me wrong. When I saw the movie and him playing Robotnik, he nailed it. He did a pretty good job at playing the character. We've seen Robotnik as a goofy mad scientist and also Robotnik as an evil dictator. But seeing him as a scientist working for the military, yeah I can expect that. Out of all the roles that Jim Carrey has played and some of his iconic and hilarious characters, this is one of my favorite performances from him.
Lucas: (Narrating) Now that we've got that out of the way, let's continue. So, Robotnik and his partner Agent Stone, played by Lee Majdoub, are in charge here and he sends some of his drones out into the field. But Major Bennington, played by Neal McDonough respectively, isn't putting up with Dr. Robotnik's crap.
Dr. Robotnik: Is he still looking at me funny?
Agent Stone (Played by Lee Majdoub): Yes, he is.
Dr. Robotnik: Tell him to stop or I'll pull up his search history.
Agent Stone: If you don't stop looking at the Doctor, he'll take a closer look…
Major Bennington: I'm not deaf.
Dr. Robotnik: And tell him his men report to me now. Blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah.
Major Bennington: Excuse me? Listen, pal. I don't know if you realize who…
Dr. Robotnik: I'm sorry, Major. What was your name?
Major Bennington: Benning…
Dr. Robotnik: Nobody cares! Nobody cares. Listen, Major Nobody Cares. (Whispering) You know why nobody cares who you are? Because nobody cares about your feeble accomplishments. And nobody cares how proud your mommy is that you're now reading at a third-grade level.
"I don't care if you played as M. Bison in that shitty Street Fighter movie. I'm still letting you know that I'm the captain now. You keep on talking to me, then I'm gonna look up your search history. Maybe it's filled with Girlsway, Reality Kings and Brazzers porn." Sean said, imitating Dr. Robotnik.
Sean: (Narrating) After roasting Major Bennington, Dr. Robotnik unleashes his drones and sends them out into the forest until one of them finds Sonic's footprint and scans it, until Robotnik discovers that his computer couldn't find a single match in Earth's animal kingdom to identify the creature.
Dr. Robotnik: (To Agent Stone) Do you see anything useful in this image?
Agent Stone: Nothing at all, Doctor.
Dr. Robotnik: Of course you don't. Your eyes weren't expertly trained to spot tracks by the Native American Shadow Wolves.
(Agent Stone makes a look)
Lucas: (V/O as Stone) What the hell is this man talking about?
(Robotnik examines the image closely, revealing the footprint)
Agent Stone: That's extraordinary.
Dr. Robotnik: No. What's extraordinary is, I've determined the exact height, weight and spinal curvature of this creature, and my computer can't find a single match for it anywhere in Earth's animal kingdom. This blackout was not a terrorist attack, and that's no baby bigfoot. This guy is something else… entirely.
"Well, be on the lookout for this man." Lucas points to a photo of The Flash from Injustice 2.
Lucas: (Narrating) Anyway, the military and Robotnik's drones converge into the forest to look for Sonic like he's friggin' John Rambo. Sonic rushes back to his cave to figure out his next plan, which is leaving Earth forever and heading to Mushroom Hill, that is until the troops and the drones are close to his cave.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Maddie calls Tom while she's in San Francisco to check out their future house and also visiting her sister Rachel, played Natasha Rothwell, and her niece JoJo played by Melody Nosipho Niemann. Then Tom tells Maddie on what's been happening in 'ol Green Hills.
Tom Wachowski: Hey, exciting stuff here. We had a power outage. The whole town went dark.
Sean: (V/O as Tom) And everybody's nuts!
Maddie Wachowski: Wade must have lost his mind.
Tom Wachowski: Yeah. And he does not have much to lose. How's your sister? Did she convince you to leave me yet?
Maddie Wachowski: No, but she did tell me to check your phone for dating apps.
Tom Wachowski: (On the phone) The only apps on my phone are the ones that came with it. And the Olive Garden.
"I don't know, Tom. Maybe you still keep a photo of your ex-girlfriend in your phone." Sean said as a photo of Jean Grey from X-Men appears in the top right corner.
"Also, let's not forget this moment." Lucas said.
Maddie Wachowski: Ah. Because when you're there…
Tom Wachowski: You're family.
"And there goes your Olive Garden commercial." Lucas said.
(Cut to an Olive Garden commercial from 2009)
Announcer: Enjoy Olive Garden's new grilled chicken crostada. Grilled marinated chicken breast with our tomato alfredo sauce. Or new steak crostada. Grilled steak medallions with a four cheese sauce. Both with crispy asiago cheese crostadas and unlimited salad and breadsticks. Olive Garden
Maddie Wachowski: Because when you're there…
Tom Wachowski: You're family.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom hears a noise coming from outside thinking that the racoons are back to dig into his trash cans. So, he grabs the tranquilizer gun to scare off the pesky rodents. But it's actually Sonic, who was just breaking into Tom's shed so he would have a safe place to use one of his rings.
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Exhales) All right.
(Sonic prepares to use one of his rings but then Tom bursts into the shed)
Tom Wachowski: SFPD… pending background check. Paws in the air!
(Tom sees Sonic)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Uh, meow?
(Tom and Sonic both scream in terror at the sight of each other and Tom fires a tranquilizer dart into Sonic's leg)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (After getting shot in the leg) Ow!
"Dude, just be glad that he wasn't holding an actual gun because this will be a pretty short movie." Sean said.
(A weakened Sonic sees the image of the Transamerica Pyramid on Tom's t-shirt)
Sonic The Hedgehog: "San… Francisco."
(Sonic drops his ring on the floor and opens the portal above the actual building)
Sean: (V/O as Tom) What… the… hell?! A portal to San Francisco. What kind of sorcery is this?
(Sonic collapses to the floor and accidentally drops his rings into the portal and lands on the building's roof and the portal closes)
Sonic The Hedgehog: No. (Groans)
Tom Wachowski: (Looks confused) What?
(A clip from Succession is shown)
Logan Roy (Played by Brian Cox): What the fuck was that!?
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic wakes up and climbs out of his dog cage as him and Tom meet for the first time and have their first real proper conversation instead of Tom grabbing a gun and just shooting him.
Tom Wachowski: You're not… you're not here to abduct me, are you?
Sonic The Hedgehog: You abducted me.
Tom Wachowski: Okay, that's a fair point. What are you?
"He's Sonic The Hedgehog. He's the fastest thing alive. Come on, Tom. Don't be a dumbass here." Lucas said.
Lucas: (Narrating) Sonic realizes that he lost his rings, but their conversation is cut short when Dr. Robotnik arrives and Sonic freaks out about the military coming for him and he asks Tom for help.
Tom Wachowski: No, I don't. Why?
Sonic The Hedgehog: Well, my legs, which normally would be classified as lethal weapons, feel like spaghetti. I need your help. Please. It's life or death.
"If you can adopt a bunch of animals in Second Noah, then you might as well help out Sonic. And yes, I did mention the show Second Noah. For those of you who didn't know that James Marsden starred in the show. Google it to read about it. Geez, I cannot believe that I remember that show from the 90s." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Tom agrees to help out Sonic and hide him in a safe place, which is the attic and he goes out to talk to Dr. Robotnik.
Tom Wachowski: Hello, there. Can I help you?
(Dr. Robotnik's theme from Sonic the Hedgehog plays in the background once more)
Dr. Robotnik: Good morning, my rural chum. I'm… from the power company, investigating the blackout. If you don't mind, I'd like to take a few readings inside your house?
Tom Wachowski: No kidding? You're from the power company? Oh, you must know my buddy Spencer. We play softball together.
Dr. Robotnik: Ah! Spence. He's a good man.
"Not to mention he's also a guy for hire." Lucas smirked to the camera, referring the TV show, Spenser For Hire. "Not many people who are born in the 90's are NEVER gonna get that Spenser For Hire reference."
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom invites Robotnik in but he's not going to fall for that old trick because his buddy Spencer works for the gas company and now he wants answers. Robotnik sends his drones to search the house while Sonic finds a place to hide.
(Sonic is curled up into a ball and hides in the various sports balls in the attic)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Okay, I'm a ball, a normal ball. I'm blending in like a ball. Shh. Stop talking. No, you stop talking. Be quiet, Sonic. You be quiet, Sonic. Oh, I hope they aren't scanning me with X-rays. I had kind of an embarrassing lunch.
"Oh, come on! Solid Snake is much quieter than you, Sonic." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic flees the attic to get away from the drones and ends up making some noise as Robotnik enters the house to check out the commotion, only to find…
(Dr. Robotnik and Tom enter the kitchen to find a raccoon eating the cake)
Dr. Robotnik: Here's the thing… I'm never wrong.
Tom Wachowski: Well, first time for everything, I guess.
Sean: (V/O as Raccoon) Yum, yum. Cake. I'm gonna go dig in the trash now.
Tom Wachowski: I hear raccoons have the cleanest mouths of any animal that routinely eats garbage.
"Isn't that what they said about Rocket Raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy?" Lucas asked.
Lucas: (Narrating) Robotnik discovers Sonic's quill and he threatens Tom to reveal where Sonic is.
Dr. Robotnik: I'm going to give you five seconds to tell me where it is. Five…
Tom Wachowski: I don't know what you're talking about.
Dr. Robotnik: Four…
Tom Wachowski: Hey, tough guy. (Pulls out his badge) I'm a cop, and you're threatening an officer.
Dr. Robotnik: How can you threaten somebody who never existed? Three… Come on! Rack your brain. You might be able to come up with some lame excuse to go on living in two… one.
(Sonic reveals himself to Robotnik)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Wait! Don't hurt him!
(Robotnik screams, giving Tom to punch in the face, knocking him out cold)
"DAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN!" Sean and Lucas both said at the same time.
"I haven't seen a hit that hard since Will Smith slapped the shit out of Chris Rock at the Oscars." Sean said.
(Audience boos at Sean)
"Oh, come on! You all expected this joke. You all expected me to make a joke about Will Smith!" Sean exclaimed.
(The drone takes aim at Tom as he grabs Sonic and makes a run for it. The drone shoots at Sonic and Tom as they both take cover)
Lucas: (V/O as Sonic) Holy shit! Eggman's got bullets! How come these drones have bullets?! No fair!
(The drone stops firing)
Tom Wachowski: Stay behind me.
(Tom turns around, only to see that Sonic was not next to him. He looks around until he starts to notice Sonic standing on top of a shelf. Tom shakes his head "no" while Sonic gives a thumbs up)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Hiya!
(Sonic jumps on top of the drone while the drone spins around and opens fire)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Don't worry. I got it right where I want it!
"DUCK!" Sean shouts as him and Lucas duck down for cover as the bullets start hitting the wall.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Can you believe Amazon is gonna deliver packages with these things?
"Yeah, I better not be getting packages while a drone is busy shooting at me!" Lucas exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Tom brings the drone down and him and Sonic escape while Agent Stone arrives to check on Robotnik, but he ends up getting berated by his boss for not trying to stop them.
Dr. Robotnik: Open your mouth…
"Huh?" Sean asked.
"Excuse me?" Lucas asked.
Dr. Robotnik: …and say you thought that you should stop them.
Agent Stone: No, I thought that maybe I should check to see if you were okay…
(Dr. Robotnik grabs Agent Stone by his mouth)
"Yikes! Way to be abusive towards your assistant." Sean said.
"What do you think he is? Meg Griffin from Family Guy?" Lucas replied, crossing his arms to the camera.
Dr. Robotnik: You know what's hard about being the smartest person in the world?
Agent Stone: Everyone else seems stupid.
Dr. Robotnik: Stupid, yes! Way to go! You got that one.
(Robotnik removes his hand from out of Stone's mouth and wipes his hand on his jacket)
Dr. Robotnik: Whatever this creature is, it's our job to secure it, neutralize it, uncover the source of it's power. And if it resists, we take it apart… piece by piece. (Puts on his broken sunglasses) See what makes it tick. Stone?
Agent Stone: Doctor?
Dr. Robotnik: Call Optical Illusions. Tell them I need new frames. They know what kind I like.
"Oh, yeah. That reminds me, I need to call up Optical Illusions so I can order more contacts." Sean said.
"I need to call them up so I can order a pair of sunglasses." Lucas said as he grabs his phone.
Lucas: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Tom and Sonic are on the run and he asks the blue blur to explain himself and Sonic tells him that he lost his rings and he need to get to San Francisco to get them back so he can travel to the mushroom planet. But Tom doesn't believe him, so he pulls over and tells Sonic to go by himself.
Tom Wachowski: Okay, pal. Out you go.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I'm sorry, what?
Tom Wachowski: Look, this is the worst possible time for me to get myself into trouble, okay? You asked me to save your life, I saved your life. Now please, go find your rings. And your mushroom land. Hopefully I'm gonna wake up in a hospital bed and the doctor's gonna tell me that my colonoscopy was a big success, okay? So goodbye.
(Sad violin music plays in the background)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Okay. Goodbye.
Tom Wachowski: Goodbye.
(Sonic gets out of Tom's truck and just stares at him)
Tom Wachowski: Why aren't you leaving?
Sonic The Hedgehog: I don't know where San Francisco is.
Tom Wachowski: It's west.
Sonic The Hedgehog: West?
"Yeah, just Go West." Sean said.
Immediately, the song "King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West starts playing in the background while Sean and Lucas start dancing to the song.
Tom Wachowski: Straight shot, can't miss it.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Fine. That's cool. I'm totally cool saying goodbye now.
(Sonic follows Tom's directions by simply heading west. But he returns back to Tom, only to be covered in seaweed and wearing a fish on his head)
Sonic The Hedgehog: So, as I crashed into the cold, dark water of the Pacific, I realized a few things. A, I have no idea where I'm going. B, saltwater stings. C, I shouldn't even be on this planet right now, but I am. Why? Because you shot me!
Tom Wachowski: I know.
Sonic The Hedgehog: You shot me!
"Alright, Sonic! We get it, he shot you in the leg with a fucking tranquilizer dart. No need to bitch at him about it. Like I said, just be glad that he didn't shoot you with an actual gun." Sean said.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I'm wet. I'm cold. There's a fish on my head! And clearly, I'm not gonna be able to do this on my own.
(Tom looks at Sonic as a fish slides off of Sonic's head)
"Anything else to guilt trip this guy on?" Lucas asked. "How about you mention the Hairspray remake that he starred in? Or that time you starred in Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore?"
Sean: (Narrating) Tom agrees to take Sonic with him to San Francisco and the two of them have their fun little road trip and they take some time to get to know each other.
Tom Wachowski: I have a name. It's Tom.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I'm Sonic.
Tom Wachowski: Sonic. Sonic. So you've been spying on us all for years.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I mean, I wouldn't call it "spying". We were all just hanging out, only I wasn't invited and no one knew I was there.
"Don't worry, I wasn't spying on you and the "pretzel lady" having your private time in the bedroom. But goddamn, she looked hot with her legs behind her head." Sean said, imitating Sonic.
Lucas: (Narrating) Sonic takes some time to see the World's Largest Rubberband Ball and take some gifts from the gift shop. Later that night, Tom and Sonic stop off at a rest stop so Tom can call Wade while Sonic waits in the car until he hears the song "All Fired Up" by The Lazys coming from a biker bar.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Okay, okay. That is the coolest place on Earth, but you have to stay in the car.
(Sonic takes a peek at the biker bar while trying to contain himself)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Be strong. Be strong.
(We see a biker spinning around on his motorcycle)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Hmm.
(Sees Tom's sunglasses hanging on the windscreen)
"With these sunglasses, he can impersonate James Marsden as Cyclops." Lucas said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Tom calls Wade who let's him know that Robotnik and his agents are searching for Tom and that they're with him in the station and they're asking some questions and Robotnik, who's still ticked off about Tom punching him in the face, tells Tom the story about how he dealt with a bully in his childhood.
Dr. Robotnik: I want you to know that the only other person who ever punched me in the face was the school bully. He hit me in the cafeteria, causing a blunt-force contusion to the soft tissue surrounding my orbital bone. Humiliated me in front of the entire school! And you know what I did in response?
Tom Wachowski: (On the phone) Uh, I'm assuming that you reported him to the principal's office 'cause that kind of behavior is really unacceptable.
Dr. Robotnik: No. I examined the inefficiency of a world where brawn trumped brain and I used technology to resolve that inefficiency. The boy ate his meals through a straw for a year. And I have never lost a fight again. Until today.
Tom Wachowski: Hey, hooray for me then, huh?
Dr. Robotnik: No, because you're about to become the bully with the straw! I'm coming for you, Mr. Wachowski.
(A clip from the movie Tombstone is shown)
Wyatt Earp (Played by Kurt Russell): You tell 'em I'm coming… and hell's coming with me, you hear? Hell's coming with me!
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom goes to check on Sonic but he sees that he's not in the truck, so he heads inside the Piston Pit to look for Sonic, only to find him wearing a disguise to blend in.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Howdy, pardner!
Tom Wachowski: I'm not your partner. Come on. We're leaving.
Sonic The Hedgehog: But there's a ZZ Top cover band. You gotta see their beards.
"They're about to do an amazing cover of "Velcro Fly", we've gotta stay to watch them perform." Sean said, imitating Sonic.
Roadhouse Waitress (Played by Shannon Chan-Kent): Welcome to the Piston Pit. What can I get you fellas?
Sonic The Hedgehog: Ooh! I want nachos and buffalo wings, oh, and guac. Funny word, isn't it? Guac, guac! Guac.
Roadhouse Waitress: Hey, no kids allowed in here. What's he got on, some kind of mask?
Tom Wachowski: Oh, he's actually 43 years old and, um, suffers from a very rare skin disease that stunts his growth and makes him look, uh, like that.
Sonic The Hedgehog: The face, I was born with. The confidence, I picked up along the way.
Tom Wachowski: Make his a Mello Yello, please.
Roadhouse Waitress: Okay.
"Oh, and while you're at it, give me a porterhouse steak well done and some chicken wings and two cervezas." Lucas said.
"And an order of potato skins and a bacon cheeseburger." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As Sonic gets excited about doing all sorts of things to do on Earth, he compiles a bucket list of all the things to do on Earth, but he realizes that he might not be able to do all the things on Earth since he has to leave forever. So, him and Tom decide to have a little fun together by doing some dancing, play some basketball and play some darts. Oh, and Sonic rides a mechanical bull until a couple of guys who were up to no good starting making trouble in the neighborhood.
Tom Wachowski: Uh… (Chuckles) Can we help you?
Roadhouse Thug (Played by Brad Kelly): We don't like your kind around here.
"Excuse me? Are you referring to me? Uh, buddy. You're dealing with a guy who's black and he's part Native American and part Irish. So, I suggest you watch what you say before I bust a cap in your ass." Sean said as he pulls out his AMT Hardballer pistol.
Roadhouse Thug: Hipsters.
"Oh. You're referring to these two." Sean said.
"Easy, broski. No need to go into a heated arms race with these guys." Lucas said as Sean puts his gun away.
"Ok. Carry on." Sean said.
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Gasps) How dare you.
Tom Wachowski: Oh, hey. You know what? We were just leaving anyway. Weren't we? There's not a problem here.
Sonic The Hedgehog: No, no, no, it's okay.
Tom Wachowski: No, no, no, we're leaving.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I know exactly how to handle this situation. (Picks up a beer bottle and clears his throat) Pop quiz, hotshot. You just picked a fight with a poorly disguised hedgehog who's seen way too many action movies. What do you do? What do you do?
(Sonic hits the thug in the head with the beer bottle, but it doesn't break as it makes a hollow thud)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Huh. Am I crazy? It's supposed to break, right?
"And immediately, we give Sonic his last rites before getting killed by that guy. What a way to spend his last day on Earth." Lucas said.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom ends up getting punched by the guy and a bar fight ensues. The thug tries to attack Sonic, but our favorite blue hedgehog has some tricks up his sleeve.
(The thug charges at Sonic and freezes before he attacks him)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Really?
(Sonic speeds up his awareness and runs around the bar by taking a selfie with a bar patron who ends up getting his tooth knocked out, he then runs into a boot in which he makes a goofy face after getting hit. He sees Tom, who's about to get beaten up by the thug's cronies and he saves Tom's life by pulling one guy's skullcap over his face and giving the other guy a wedgie by pulling his underwear and hanging it onto an eagle statue and pushes Tom over to a bar before running over to grab a chili dog and eating it along with the other chili dogs while continuing his series of pranks on the bar patrons and grabbing a wall-mounted bear head and puts it over the thug's head. Sonic puts his disguise back on and grabs a napkin from off of a table and uses it as a matador cape.)
(A clip from The Dark Knight is shown)
The Joker (Played by Heath Ledger): And here we… GO.
(The music stops as the fight is ended abruptly by Sonic's traps and the thug crashes through the window)
Sean: (Narrating) After getting chased by some angry bar patrons, Sonic and Tom spend the night at a local motel and Sonic just runs around the room and he's just having a ball.
(Sonic farts)
Tom Wachowski: Oh, come on. (Groans) That's awful. What did you eat?
Sonic The Hedgehog: I think it's called a chili dog?
Tom Wachowski: You might want to check your fur on that one, buddy.
"Yeah, you probably want to make sure that you didn't crap yourself. You should probably use some toilet paper to wipe your little hedgehog butt. And speaking of toilet paper…" Sean said.
(Cut to the scene where the bar fight end as Tom sees one of the bar patrons covered in toilet paper)
Sean: (Narrating) …did anyone notice the guy covered in toilet paper and then Sonic says this line while him and Tom are driving away?
Sonic The Hedgehog: Did you see how much toilet paper I used? The next person that goes into that bathroom will have nothing to wipe with!
"Yeah. Funny that this movie was released in 2020 before Covid hit and you want to know what was disappearing from the supermarket shelves because of goddamn toilet paper hoarders panic buying because of the pandemic. You can thank god that we don't have to deal with that shit again." Sean said.
Tom Wachowski: Hey. So, what's this next planet you're supposed to go like?
Sonic The Hedgehog: It's no Earth, I can tell you that. There's no people, just breathable air and giant mushrooms and stuff
Tom Wachowski: Well, look at it this way. At least you won't be the only "fun-guy."
Sonic The Hedgehog: No. Don't ever do that again.
(Tom chuckles)
Tom Wachowski: I liked it.
Sonic The Hedgehog: I'm really gonna miss this place. I know I have to leave Earth to be safe, but what if Longclaw was wrong? Maybe I could have a life here.
"Well, you could. People will take some time to get used to seeing a talking blue hedgehog that runs around in super sonic speed." Lucas said. "Just don't let it be like Sonic '06."
Lucas: (Narrating) Sonic falls asleep and we get a sweet little moment where Tom sees something on Sonic's list that says "make a real friend", until he sees a news report that features a warning about him accused of being a domestic terrorist for protecting Sonic.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Robotnik and Stone arrive at the bar to interrogate some of the bar patrons on the whereabouts of Tom and Sonic.
Agent Stone: (Shows the thug a photo of Tom) Did he say where he was going?
(The bar thug looks at the photo of Tom)
Roadhouse Thug: Maybe. Maybe not. Like I'd ever tell you.
Dr. Robotnik: Stand down, Agent Stone. This well-meaning citizen obviously doesn't understand the urgency of the matter.
(The thug stands up from off of the bar stool and gets into Robotnik's face)
Roadhouse Thug: Really?
(Robotnik gives the thug a look)
(A clip from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is shown)
Ace Ventura (Played by Jim Carrey): Alrighty then.
(Robotnik throws the thug out of the window)
(A clip from Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls is shown)
Ace Ventura: (Laughs) Loser!
(Robotnik and Stone leave the bar)
Dr. Robotnik: Now that's what I call good cop, bad cop.
(Stone tries to high five Robotnik. Robotnik quickly moves his hand away then hits Stone in the chest)
Dr. Robotnik: Left yourself open.
"Okay, how was Robotnik able to throw this bald Brawny man looking son of a bitch out of a window? That dude's big as a house! Also, how is Agent Stone able to put up with Robotnik's abuse? Are they going to turn this guy into Snively from Sonic SatAM?" Sean asked as a picture of Snively from Sonic SatAM is shown.
Lucas: (Narrating) While Robotnik triangulates their location and goes after them, Sonic and Tom arrive in California and Sonic asks Tom about what he would have on his own bucket list.
Tom Wachowski: In Green Hills, I've always felt, I don't know, more like a babysitter than a real cop, you know? So I want a chance to prove myself, under real pressure. I'm gonna move to San Francisco, become a street cop. And, I don't know, see if I have what it takes.
(Sonic gives Tom a baffled look)
Tom Wachowski: What? Why… why is your face doing that?
"That's the same look I made after I saw the original design for Sonic." Lucas said.
"Really? I thought that was the look that I made after I played Shadow The Hedgehog." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic gets angry about Tom leaving Green Hills and the people that he cares about, until Dr. Robotnik tries to kill them with a friggin' Badnik tank and we get an action-packed yet intense and hilarious scene.
Sonic The Hedgehog: You know what? I was wrong about you. You're not the Donut Lord at all. You're more like the Jerk Lord.
Tom Wachowski: Have you noticed the harpoon stuck in our dash?
(Dr. Robotnik's theme from Sonic The Hedgehog plays once again as the battle on the road ensues. Tom crashes into the side of the barrier, causing Sonic to fly out of the window)
Tom Wachowski: Sonic!
Sonic The Hedgehog: I was forced from my home. Your home is perfect, and you're leaving it. Why would you do that?
(Static electricity surrounds Sonic)
Tom Wachowski: Your body!
Sonic The Hedgehog: Oh no, no, no, not again!
"Look, for the love of God, do not go all EMP on our asses again." Lucas said, pointing directly towards the camera.
Lucas: (Narrating) Sonic and Tom work together to destroy the machine as Sonic uses a supercharged spin attack on the machine, destroying it once and for all.
(Sonic gets up, dazed)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Groans) Guess I had a bonus life.
(The 1up theme from Sonic The Hedgehog plays as we see how many lives Sonic has on the screen)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Gasps) Oh yeah, baby! Sonic, one. Big Tank, zero. I'm sorry. Did we get that on camera?
Tom Wachowski: How are you not dead?
Sonic The Hedgehog: I have no idea. Do you see me dancing?
Tom Wachowski: Yes, I saw you dance.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Is that all you got?
"Well, that was the easiest boss fight ever." Sean said.
"No kidding, Sonic made that dork look like fucking Chris Rock." Lucas smirked out.
Dr. Robotnik: No, but thank you for asking.
(Dr. Robotnik activates the Badnik's second phase)
"Or it's moving to phase 2." Lucas said.
"Okay, so it has two phases." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So, this Badnik is in it's second phase, which is a baby Badnik tank with four wheels, as it gives chase and tries to kill Sonic and Tom.
(The mini Badnik tank takes aim at Tom's truck, firing an EMP mine at them)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Incoming!
(Tom moves away from the mine as the scene cuts to a family in a minivan, where we see a father driving while his wife is putting on lipstick while their children are fighting over a tablet in the backseat)
Minivan Kid #1 (Played by Drew Petriw): It's my turn!
Minivan Kid #2 (Played by Bailey Skodje): You just had one. It's mine!
Minivan Dad (Played by Jeff Sanca, credited as Jeffrey Sanca): Hey, stop fighting or I'm taking that thing away!
Minivan Kid #2: Yeah right, Dad.
(The mine attaches itself to the minivan, causing it to short out and spin out of control while the family scream until the minivan comes to a complete stop and Tom's truck speeds by them. The family in the minivan looked shocked and the boy hands his father the tablet)
"Jesus Christ! A bit dark for a PG movie. Also, that's one way that'll keep this family from going on any road trips." Lucas said.
(The mini Badnik tank fires a couple more mines as Sonic runs and grabs one to throw it at the others to explode while standing on two other mines while skating on them and grabs another mine and leaps onto the top of the tank before looking into the camera)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to my livestream. Today we're destroying robots. Step one.
(Sonic places the EMP mine on the tank's eye, causing it to short out before running back to Tom's truck. The tank crashes and explodes)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Yes, we did it!
(The Badnik is in it's third form, which is a Badnik with one wheel)
Sonic The Hedgehog: We did not do it. Who is this guy?
Dr. Robotnik: Ever wonder where your tax dollars are going?
"Yes. Yes, I do. I finally know where our tax dollars are going… drugs." Sean said.
Lucas: (Narrating) I just love the fact that this Badnik is going through three phases. You see it as a giant tank, then it births a baby tank and then it's a Badnik with one wheel. Hell, it even sends a tiny helicopter after them. And you know what, I love it. This scene is so exciting and so and action-packed. I haven't seen this much action since Lilly Bell got plowed by Mick Blue in the shower in that Brazzers video.
"And on top of all of that, here's a dated Fast and Furious joke." Lucas said.
Tom Wachowski: Here, just keep us going straight. I put it in cruise control.
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Gets behind the wheel and chuckles) I feel just like Vin Diesel. "It's all about family, Tom."
"Oh, yeah. That joke aged perfectly like fine wine." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After Tom destroys the Badnik that tries to kill them, it births a tiny helicopter Badnik that rips the top of Tom's truck with a laser. But when Sonic tries to get rid of it, it attaches itself onto Sonic and he tries to get it off before it blows up.
(Tom grabs the bomb off of Sonic and throws it)
Sonic The Hedgehog: It's going, it's going… (Sees that the bomb attached itself onto the palm of Tom's hand) It's still here.
(The bomb's beeping accelerates as Tom tries to shake it off of him. Sonic immediately grabs the bomb and gets it off of his hand with a stick)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Places the sticky bomb on a rock) Get off me. Ha-ha! Nailed it!
(The bomb explodes behind Sonic and knocks Tom down on the ground)
Lucas: (Narrating) The bomb knocks Sonic out and Tom tries to wake him up and Robotnik is pissed off to find that they survived.
Agent Stone: Did we get 'em? Oh. No, there they are. They are real survivors, those two.
(Robotnik turns to Stone very evily)
Dr. Robotnik: Can we have a moment?
(A clip from iCarly is shown)
Carly Shay (Played by Miranda Cosgrove): Oh, no.
Freddie Benson (Played by Nathan Kress): Poor guy.
Dr. Robotnik: Pin yourself to the wall.
(Stone sighs and pins himself to the wall and Robotnik gets all up in his face)
Dr. Robotnik: You know, I won't miss you when you're gone. Human beings are unreliable and stupid, and I care very little about them. But my machines are diligent, relentless. They're everything to me!
"Oh, man. Stone should've kept his big mouth shut. Yeah, never piss off a mad scientist because he will totally beat the everloving shit out of you." Lucas said.
Sean: (Narrating) Robotnik sees Sonic's quill glowing from Stone's pocket and becomes intrigued by it. Meanwhile, Tom finally arrives in San Francisco and rushes over to his sister-in-law's house so she can help out Sonic until he is greeted by Maddie's sister.
(Rachel opens the door and sees Tom)
Tom Wachowski: Is Maddie here?
Rachel (Played by Natasha Rothwell): No, no, no, no, no. Not today. Goodbye.
Tom Wachowski: It's an emergency!
Rachel: Bye-bye!
(Rachel tries to close the door on Tom)
Tom Wachowski: Rachel, stop! Maddie! Don't do this. This is important.
Maddie Wachowski: Oh, my God! Rachel, let him in.
Rachel: I am calling the police. No, I am calling the FBI. I am calling the CIA. I am calling someone! I am calling your mother!
"Calling his mother? Lady, are you out of your mind?! You can't do that to the guy who voiced Hitch Trailblazer in My Little Pony: A New Generation. You're making it sound like it's a criminal. Oh, wait. He is." Sean said. "Hell, I think this is how Taylor's brother Oliver reacted to me dating Taylor."
Sean: (Narrating) Also, is it just me or is the fact that Maddie's sister is an annoying blabbermouth? I mean, my God! She can't stop shutting her mouth. What is this, every movie ever where there's gotta be a sassy, loud-mouthed black chick. Come on, guys!
Rachel: Calm down? I will not calm down.
Maddie Wachowski: Enough. Yes, calm down.
Tom Wachowski: Stop talking.
(Ozzy approaches Tom and barks at him)
Tom Wachowski: No. Ozzy, please. Good to see you too.
Rachel: Oh, little Lord Baby Jesus. What is that, Tom? Is that plutonium? Is it e-mails?
Tom Wachowski: Yes, it's plutonium.
"No, it's Tom's collection of Brazzers porn. What the fuck do you think it is, lady?!" Lucas shouted.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom fails at keeping Sonic hidden when his dog Ozzy removes the towel from off of him, revealing him to Maddie, Rachel and Jojo.
Rachel: (Sees Sonic) Oh, catch me, Jojo.
(Rachel faints from the site of Sonic)
Tom Wachowski: (Panting) Oh, thank God. (Chuckles) Can I get a glass of water?
"Well, that's one way to shut Rachel up. Thank you, Ozzy." Sean said.
"God, and to think Caillou was annoying than her." Lucas nodded.
Sean then let out a shiver, "Oh, don't remind me of that bald-headed bastard…"
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Robotnik, he's busy analyzing Sonic's quill and the energy containing it and we get…
(Robotnik plays a song in his playlist, which is "Where Evil Grows" by The Poppy Family)
Sean: (Narrating) …one of the best damn scenes in the movie where Robotnik starts dancing.
(Robotnik starts dancing to "Where Evil Grows")
"From what I've read, Jim Carrey improvised Robotnik's dance scene and he also recommended the song "Where Evil Grows", a song that heard as a child." Sean said.
"Hell, Jim Carrey is the only guy on Earth that can dance to this song." Lucas said.
(Robotnik pretends to be sledding down a mountain, then pretends to get chased by a T-Rex, a hologram T-Rex which made it act like it bit his head off. He continues to dance until Stone is suddenly behind him. Robotnik turns around and gets startled half to death by Stone)
Agent Stone: I just thought you might like a latte with steamed Austrian goat milk.
Dr. Robotnik: Who do I look like, an imbecile? Of course I want a latte. I LOVE THE WAY YOU MAKE THEM!
"I'm just glad that he didn't throw that latte in Stone's face." Lucas said.
"Yeah, that would teach him a lesson on not to disturb Robotnik while he's dancing." Sean said. "Also, if I didn't know better, here's the Robotnik Dance, this time with his theme music from Sonic The Hedgehog 2."
(Robotnik's dance scene is shown once again, this time with Robotnik's Theme from Sonic The Hedgehog 2)
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom and Maddie tend to the injured Sonic while Rachel is stuck tied to the chair.
Rachel: Jojo? Untie your mother. Jojo! (Sweetly) Untie Mommy. Sweetie. Jojo!
(Jojo ignores her mother while heading upstairs)
Rachel: (Quietly) I have to go to the bathroom.
"They should've put tape over her mouth to shut her up." Lucas said.
Sean: (Narrating) Maddie wakes Sonic up with smelling salts and he immediately zips around the kitchen and he meets Maddie. Then, Tom gives Maddie a recap of what has happened so far.
Tom Wachowski: He has to get to the Transamerica building, and I promised I'd take him.
Rachel: Uh-uh! Aliens? Maddie, your husband's lost his mind. Use this as an opportunity to leave him. No one would judge you.
"Oh, for the love of… I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to play this clip from Ren & Stimpy." Sean said.
(A clip from Ren & Stimpy is shown)
Brown Yak: SHUT UP! I can't STAND it anymore!
(We cut to Jojo as we see her enter the kitchen and gives Sonic a new pair of bright red shoes)
Jojo (Played by Melody Nosipho): So you won't hurt your feet anymore.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Really?
Jojo: Uh-huh.
Sonic The Hedgehog: No one's ever given me a gift before. I gotta check that off my bucket list.
(Sonic puts on his new shoes and takes a liking to them)
Sonic The Hedgehog: All right! Looking good!
"A good thing we get to see Sonic's signature speed shoes because I was getting sick and tired of those raggedy shoes that he was wearing." Lucas said.
"You and me both. I was waiting for them to give Sonic his speed shoes." Sean said. "And looking at them, it was like someone gave Sonic a gift from Heaven itself, I can see it now."
(Then all of a sudden, a screenshot is shown showing Jojo giving Sonic his signature red shoes but a light is shown all around the shoes, letting out an "Ohhhhhhhhhhh" sound in the background.)
"Perfect." Lucas replied, applauding his hands. "Just fucking perfect."
Lucas: (Narrating) Maddie agrees help Tom take Sonic to the Transamerica Building and they borrow Rachel's car, but with Sonic driving and Tom has a plan to get to the top of the building by carrying Sonic inside a bag and Tom coming up with a story about a jumper on the roof
(Tom and Maddie are waiting for the elevator)
Sonic The Hedgehog: (In the bag) How much longer? I can't breathe in here. Hello? Anybody there?
Businesswoman (Played by Jeanie Cloutier): Do you have your child in that bag?
Tom Wachowski: No. I mean, yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.
Businessman (Played by Jeremy Arnold): It's not your child?
Tom Wachowski: Relax. I'm a cop, okay? (Shakes the bag) Plus, he likes it in there, don't you, buddy?
Sonic The Hedgehog: Why would I like it in here? This is worse than the dog cage you had me in earlier.
Tom Wachowski: Such a kidder.
(Maddie laugh and zips up the bag)
Maddie Wachowski: Okay.
Sonic The Hedgehog: No, I'm scared of the dark! Is anybody there?
(The businessman and businesswoman start walking away from Tom and Maddie)
"Shit, no wonder this movie got a PG rating. Yeah, what is the movie rated PG for again?" Sean asked.
(Cut to the movie's IMDB page and sees that it contains action, some violence, rude humor and brief mild language)
"Oh, yeah. Rude humor. Like they considered an abducted child rude humor." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They finally arrive on the roof and Sonic retrieves his bag of rings and he says his goodbyes to Tom after apologizing to him for behind so hard on him for wanting to leave Green Hills. Sonic attempts to open the portal and guess who shows up…
(Sonic's ring bounces off one of Robotnik's drones as the Final Zone theme from Sonic The Hedgehog plays in the background while the drones surround Sonic, Tom and Maddie)
Sonic The Hedgehog: Okay. Did someone leave their "Find My Phone" on?
(Robotnik appears in his Eggpod)
Dr. Robotnik: Welcome to San Francisco, Mr. Wachowski. Are you enjoying the clam chowder?
"Are you also enjoying their delicious sourdough bread to go with the clam chowder?" Lucas asked, imitating Robotnik.
Tom Wachowski: Nice of you to swing by on your way to Comic Con.
Maddie Wachowski: Yeah, what are you wearing?
(Robotnik looks at his outfit)
Dr. Robotnik: It's a flight suit, designed to modulate my body temperature and reduce drag.
Tom Wachowski: Yeah, and yet you still are one.
Dr. Robotnik: Ooh-hoo! Good one. You are catching fire, Thomas. Oh, and speaking of heat, I see you've taken a lover. Does she have a name or should we just call her "collateral damage"?
"Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, pal. Layla Williamson from One Life to Live is one person that you do not want to fuck with." Sean said.
(Cut back to Maddie, giving Dr. Robotnik a death glare)
Lucas: (Narrating) Just take a look at the expression on her face. She's just aching to rip that mustache from off of his face and beat him to a bloody pulp.
"But then again, her husband was Cyclops. He would decimate Robotnik with his Optic Blasts." Lucas said.
(A clip from X-Men is shown)
Cyclops (Played by James Marsden): What would you prefer? Yellow spandex?
Sean: (Narrating) Sonic insults Robotnik by calling him "Eggman" and with his Eggpod powered by the energy of Sonic's blue quill as he gets ready to kill Sonic, Tom and Maddie. But our hero has a plan.
(Sonic speeds over to a wall, jumps off of it and pushes Tom and Maddie off the top of the building)
"WHAT THE FUCK, SONIC?!" Sean yelled out with a shocked look on his face.
"Yeah, what he just said." Lucas said, pointing to Sean.
Dr. Robotnik: (Exhales) I was not expecting that.
"Hey, we weren't expecting that either. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! Pushing people off of buildings. That is a dick move, Sonic!" Sean exclaimed. "Can you imagine something like this happening in Sonic '06?"
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean, playing as Sonic and Taylor, playing as Princess Elise of Soleanna, getting chased by Lucas, who's playing Dr. Eggman, in his Egg-Wyvern and he prepares to kill the both of them.
Lucas: (as Doctor Eggman) You keep getting in my way, you pesky little hedgehog! Now, it's time for you to die!
Taylor: (as Princess Elise) Sonic, what are we going to do? I know you got the super-speed and everything, but me…
Sean: (as Sonic) Totally defenseless? Probably gonna get blown up?
Taylor: Pretty much, yeah.
Sean: Don't worry. I know exactly what to do.
(Sean speeds over to Taylor and pushes her off of the Egg Carrier)
Taylor: (Screams) YOU ASSHOLE!
(Lucas looks on with a shocked expression on his face)
Lucas: Holy shit! You just totally killed her! I was not expecting that.
Sean: Eh, oh well. She was getting in the way and she keeps getting captured by you.
Lucas: Yeah, but you didn't have to kill her. Jesus Christ, dude. That is dark. That is really dark. I… I… I… I just can't. I'm going back inside my ship and think about my life choices. Jesus.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Lucas: (Narrating) Robotnik's drones open fire on Sonic as he speeds up his awareness and stars messing around with the missiles and redirecting some of the back into the drones. But then again, Robotnik still has Sonic's blue quill that charges the Eggpod and he fires a shockwave to knock Sonic out of bullet time.
(Sonic opens his eyes to see Tom and Maddie falling)
Sean: (V/O as Sonic) Oh, shit! I forgot that they're still falling. Don't worry, I'll save you!
(Sonic grabs the ring with one of his quills and throws it, opening a portal beneath Tom and Maddie, transporting the two back to Green Hills and they end up landing safely in a pile of hay within a farmer's barn)
"Thank God he saved them. You know, for a minute there, I though that they were going to end up as another spot on the concrete." Sean said.
"Yeah. I bet Tom and Maddie are gonna have a few words when this is all over." Lucas said.
Lucas: (Narrating) Robotnik chases Sonic throughout San Francisco and…
Sonic The Hedgehog: (Narrating) So, here we are again. We've been through so much together. Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot doctor chasing a supersonic blue hedgehog. Want to know how it ends? Yeah, me too.
"Well, then stop recapping the events so we can see how this fucking story ends!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, this scene is basically a thrilling chase scene between Sonic and Robotnik after Sonic brings the story full circle. Robotnik continues his chase and Sonic opens up a portal to Paris, then a portal to the Great Wall of China, followed by a portal to Egypt and then a portal back to Green Hills.
"Oh, I'm sure you can keep going through a different place with those rings. You can go to Chemical Plant Zone, Spring Yard Zone, Hydrocity Zone, Sandopolis Zone, Total Drama Island, Duckburg, St. Canard. So many endless possibilities for you to teleport to." Lucas said.
(Robotnik cackles)
Dr. Robotnik: You're an astonishing little creature. It'll be fun to take you back to the lab for a litany of invasive exploratory procedures. Any last words?
Sonic The Hedgehog: Guac. I like that word.
"Really? I thought your last words would've been "Sonic '06 sucks balls" or "It's no use!"." Sean said.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom uses one of Sonic's rings to get the jump on Robotnik and to protect Sonic.
(Tom and Robotnik engage in physical combat as Robotnik lands a couple of punches on Tom)
Dr. Robotnik: Who the hell do you think you are?
"Oh, yeah. This movie is wearing it's PG rating like a badge of honor." Lucas said.
(Tom punches Robotnik in the face and grabs him)
Tom Wachowski: I'm the Donut Lord, you son of a…
(Robotnik elbows Tom in the chest)
"If he finished that line, that would've gotten the movie a PG-13 rating." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Robotnik throws Tom out of the cockpit and focuses his attention on him, but they everyone in town has their little Spider-Man moment when they protect Tom and Sonic while Sonic is not feeling too good, Mr. Stark. And Robotnik acts like an insensitive jerk, which pisses off Tom.
Dr. Robotnik: He's just a silly little alien. He didn't belong here!
Tom Wachowski: That little alien knew more about being human than you ever will. His name was Sonic. This was his home. And he was my friend.
(Sonic opens his eyes and gets up on his feet, his body supercharged with electric energy)
Sean: (V/O as Sonic) The power of friendship has made me powerful.
Tom Wachowski: He's all yours. Everyone get back!
Sonic The Hedgehog: (To Robotnik) I think you have something that belongs to me.
(Sonic siphons the energy from the quill of his Robotnik is using)
Sonic The Hedgehog: This is my power. And I'm not using it to run away anymore. I'm using it to protect my friends.
(Robotnik puts on his goggles)
Lucas: (Narrating) So now, we have the final showdown. It's Sonic versus Robotnik in an all-out duel and only one will stand victorious. Who's gonna win?
"Who am I kidding? We all know who's gonna win. It's Sonic." Lucas said.
(Sonic hits Robotnik's Eggpod with a rapid barrage of body-slams, damaging the vehicle
Dr. Robotnik: Ooh! Now you've done it!
Sonic The Hedgehog: Guess what, Eggman? I'm not leaving Earth. You are. Donut Lord?
(Tom throws a ring behind Robotnik, creating a portal to the Mushroom Planet. Sonic dashes straight at Robotnik's Eggpod and delivers a final spin attack on it, sending it flying backwards through the portal just as it closes)
"Damn! Sonic just delivered a Final Smash on Robotnik's ass right there. Let's see that again." Sean said.
(The clip of Sonic sending Robotnik through the portal with a final spin attack is shown. This time, before the portal closes, a big spark of energy appears in the background)
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Announcer (Voiced by Xander Mobus): GAME!
Sean: (Narrating) Therefore, the day is saved and the townspeople cheer for Sonic and him and Tom reunite and he gives him his bag of rings.
Tom Wachowski: No more pushing people off of buildings.
"And if you do that shit again, I will shoot you. With an actual gun. And it will be in both of your legs." Lucas said, imitating Tom.
Lucas: (Narrating) Tom decides not to leave Green Hills and the next day Commander Walters drop by to thank Tom for not speaking about the events and he gives him an Olive Garden gift card for $50.
"An Olive Garden gift card for $50?! I wish that the government would give me a Logan's Roadhouse gift card for $50. Where's my goddamn gift card, huh?!"
Vice Chairman Walters: Have you tried their Never Ending Pasta Bowl? It never ends.
"You want to know what's good about the Olive Garden? Their breadsticks." Lucas said.
Sean: (Narrating) Commander Walters asks if they've been in contact with Sonic and they want to talk to him, but Tom tells him that Sonic has left. After Walters leaves, Sonic comes out of hiding. Also, they welcome him into their home by bringing some of his belongings from his old cave.
Maddie Wachowski: Well, welcome home.
Sonic The Hedgehog: Thank you, so much.
Lucas: (Narrating) Therefore, happy ending! Sonic is living with Tom and Maddie and they all live happily ever after.
"Or do they?!" Sean and Lucas both said as suspenseful music plays in the background.
(Cut to the Mushroom Planet, where we see Robotnik, who's now losing his sanity and shaves his head bald and sporting an extremely long, grown-out mustache. Then, Robotnik's Theme from Sonic 3 and Knuckles plays in the background)
Dr. Robotnik: My grasp on sanity remains… absolute. Isn't that right, Agent Stone?
(We see a rock that Robotnik has carved to resemble Agent Stone and picks it up)
Dr. Robotnik: Why don't you get a head start? (Throws the rock) Do some rock-connaissance. (Cackles) Rock-connaissance! Come on! That's hilarious! (Talks to a mushroom) What's the matter with you?
"Looks like Robotnik's gone full-on Robotnik." Sean said.
Dr. Robotnik: A lesser man would die here. (Holds up a small container with Sonic's quill inside it) I'll be home by Christmas.
"And that was Sonic The Hedgehog and…" Lucas said.
(Cut to the mid-credits scene as we see a ring portal opening up and Tails emerges using a small handheld device)
Miles 'Tails' Prower (Voiced by Colleen O' Shaugnessey): If these readings are accurate, he's here. I found him. I just hope I'm not too late.
"Only for them to sequel bait us with Tails in the sequel." Lucas said.
"And that was Sonic The Hedgehog and what do we think of it?" Sean asked.
"IT WAS AWESOME!" Sean and Lucas both yelled out.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more while the song "Speed Me Up" by Wiz Khalifa plays in the background yet again)
Lucas: (Narrating) What can we honestly say about this movie that hasn't been said? This was the kind of movie that knew how to listen to its audience, and it paid off very well. I mean, Sonic in his accurate design looks amazing, from his expressions and his humor. Everything about him including his rivalry with Dr. Robotnik was definitely top-notch, and it showed big time. And the action scenes definitely kept us on the edge of our seats just like what the video game provided us. No doubt this was a gamble that the director took thanks to a single change from the original trailer, and it turns into the kind of reward that's even more gold like a big-ass Sonic ring in-between.
Sean: (Narrating) I definitely agree with you, dude. Alongside video game movies like Mortal Kombat and PokeMon: Detective Pikachu, this film featuring our favorite blue speedster may have to be ranked as one of the greatest there ever is. It's a shame this movie isn't on Hulu anymore, but if you have either a copy of this movie physically or digitally, do yourself a favor and plug this hot sweet son of a bitch in your BluRay and give it a spin. I guarantee you that it'll be worth your money and time. For that, we give Sonic The Hedgehog a big score of 5 gold rings out of 5!
"And with that review over and done with, we are officially done with Video Game Month." Sean smirked out, "Want to thank Lucas for helping me out just for this one time."
"Will do, friend." Lucas nodded back before holding his can of Sonic The Hedgehog Speed in the air, "Who knew the can of Speed helped us out?"
"Totally," Sean nodded before saying to the camera, "So for my friend UltimateWarriorFan4Ever, I'm Sean The Mayhem Critic saying, this one's for you, bad guy."
Then, all of a sudden, both Sean and Lucas take their toothpicks and fling them in front of the camera, ending the review.
Mayhem Critic Tagline - Guess I had a bonus life.
Whew! And that is all for for Video Game Month. Sorry that it took us a while to get this review finished because of the movie's not on Hulu anymore. But luckily, I have it on Blu-Ray and there's also Paramount Plus, which they have it on there. I would also like to thank Lucas aka UltimateWarriorFan4Ever for co-reviewing this movie with me. Again, sorry for the long wait and I bet it was worth it.
Now that Video Game Month is over and done with, it's time for the Mayhem Critic to review his next movie on the agenda as he takes a look at the 1990 action-comedy Kindergarten Cop and pays tribute to one of his favorite directors of all time and sees how well this film holds up. Also, we'll get the new Mayhem Critic intro as well. After the review of Kindergarten Cop, I will be reviewing The Room. Oh, boy. Prepare for suckage when I review it. Feel free to leave a review, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you want to help me out on a co-review or have any suggestions for me to review next and if you have any OCs that you would like to share and would want to be part of The Mayhem Critic, feel free to let me know via PM or review, I am open to any suggestions. Till next time, my fellow readers.