This is my first attempt at writing fiction so please bear with. It's an eastenders fic set around 1995 when Sharon first had returned back to America after leaving grant. It includes sensitive talks of abortion , infertility ect.

It was just under a month since I had returned to live with my mum in the states and well over the past couple of days I've been having symptoms of feeling sick but that wasn't unusual for me around a certain time of the month so I didn't think much of it. Until the morning when I was sick not once but twice and that was only within half an hour of waking up, i mean usually I'd say it could be a slight be off an upset belly from some kind of food but because of the way I'd been feeling I hasn't eaten anything unusual I couldn't be could I?.

"Shal are you okay in there?" I heard mum call well ange if I was in the mood I might accuse you of being sarcastic because obviously not.

"Yeah mum , I'll be out in a sec" I hope.

A few minutes later.

As I open the door I hear mum say "Sharon if your still not feeling well you should go see a doctor darlin"

"Yeah and pay 150 dollars or more for the pleasure , I'll leave it for now thankyou it's probably just a bug anyway" I reply.

"Oh always where a stubborn one you , although I suppose you get that from your old mum , ey" "Well do me a favour then promise me you'll try and rest today , and if you still don't feel right your going to see that doctor , I don't care if I have to pay myself, or try and swindle it for free if you know what I mean".

"Yeah I'll try , and yes I do know what you mean although I don't exactly wanna think about that right now if you don't mind not when my stomachs only just settling."

It was a couple of hours later now I hadn't been sick since thankgod but it was really hard to rest , not just because mum kept coming to check on me but I was now panicking as I realised I'm late and not just by one day,I somehow need to get out I need to know I can't ignore this for much longer.

The next day I finally managed to get rid of mum for an hour or six , I found a little pub near where we live so that should hopefully keep her occupied.

I'm stood in the aisle just staring at everything infront of me condoms , Abit late for that now I scoffed to myself , and then my eyes lowered to the pregnancy test I can't believe how much they charge for these things 10 dollars when I'll wee on it once then probably end up putting it in the bin because it's just me over thinking. Somehow I wasn't able to pick them up I felt like an embarrassed teen who'd just brought there boyfriend back to meet the parents come on Sharon your 25 years old I thought , get a grip. I grabbed one box and hid it under a box of tissues until I got to the till,the cashier looked at me with a smile and I smiled back to be polite but right now I wasn't sure what I had to smile about I was faced with the prospect I could be carrying a baby Mitchell , a mini grant and I don't know how or if I'd be able to cope raising his baby,it's times like this I wish Michelle was still around although she's still a phone call away and a hefty phone bill price come to that , there's nothing like being able to have face to face conversations with your best friend.

I'd finally arrived home and mum was back and in full force making a fuss that I'm okay , although her gin breath wasn't really helping my upset stomach half nerves half a baby? Who knows.

"You okay sweetheart where did you get too?"

"I'm fine mum I promise I just went to get some fresh air did you have a good time?"

"Yeah would of been better if you where there though shal , there was a really lovely looking bloke in there your age, not that I checked of course".

"Of course" I reply I don't like being snappy with mum or lying to her and sneaking off behind her back but the truth was that a good looking bloke around my age was the last thing on my mind right now.

It was currently 3 o'clock in the morning and when they tell you to do these things in the morning I doubt they mean this early but I couldn't sleep I just had to know.

Right I've peed on it , now to wait , 5 minutes as if I wasn't nervous enough I've got to wait 5 minutes to find out the result?. As I turned the tap of after washing my hands I looked down.

Pregnant there it was two lines on a stick , I'm confused, I'm shocked even though I thought I was is that normal? What will I do?. I wrapped it up in some toilet roll and took it back through to my bedroom and hid it in my bedside draw I can't bin it I can't risk mum finding it in the morning and asking a hundred and one questions when I don't even know myself.

The next morning I awoke to the smell of bacon great just what I needed this morning as I rushed to the toliet to be sick I saw mums confused face as she'd come upstairs to let my know breakfast was ready "shal?" She said as she came over to rub my back as if I was five years old "you still not feeling any better?"once again ange state the obvious I thought. " it was the smell of the bacon"I manage to say in between throwing up.

"You sure your not pregnant"she chuckled "I remember Pauline telling me Michelle was like that in the beginning she struggled even being in the cafe.

"Erm..."I manage to stutter.

"Oh Sharon are you?"

I nod at her not knowing how else to reply

"This is amazing darlin"she says as she hugs me tightly.

"Is it though?"I say and immediately regret it by the expression that comes across mums face.

"What do you mean?Of course with is?I tell you what why don't you come down and you and me can have a proper chinwag yeah I'll get rid of the bacon"

"Okay" I say with a smile.

Around 5 minutes later,Downstairs.

"Now you gonna tell me what all that was about up there?"

"It's just ... it's grant isn't it , what if he finds out,what if he wants access , I don't know if I'd be able to co parent with him , I don't even know what I'd do or how I'd be having to raise a Mitchell baby , grants Mitchell baby after all that's happened."

"Oh Sharon , darlin but it wouldn't be a Mitchell baby it would be a watts baby , and who would tell grant ey not me , not Michelle , it'd be a little watts baby a little Sharon."

"But you can't be sure it won't come out , all I've wanted to do is talk to Michelle and what if I told her and she told Pauline or Arthur and then it'd be round the square before morning , I can't risk it , I can't risk being attached to him for the rest of my life."

"Okay okay , it's your decision and I'm not going to try and change your mind,but promise me Sharon you'll make sure this is what you really want , don't rush into anything there's still plenty of time to decide."

"I promise." I say as I reach out to hug her "thankyou for always being there when I need you even if I don't deserve it."

"Oi." She said as she pulled away "you've done nothing to not deserve support , and I'm you mother ain't I , even if no one's on team Sharon I'll always back your Corner anything's better than team grant anyway."she chuckled

But for some reason I didn't feel as though there was anything to laugh about.