It was now the next morning ,suddenly everything felt clear. Wether mine and mums conversation last night helped I don't know but,I knew what I had to do I physically couldn't have this baby I couldn't put myself through that I mean what happens if everytime I look at him/her all I see is grant? If I can't love them? That sounds awful to think let alone say I mean it's my baby aswell but this is genuinely how I feel.

"Mum?"

"Yeah shal?"

"Last night when you said you'd support me whatever my decision did you mean that?"

"Of course darlin your my main priority in all this one hundred percent" "I know it sounds silly but after I was saying about you being the only good thing to come out of mine and your dads marriage , all I could think last night maybe that's because I had already known and raised you if you was still that little four year old girl we adopted all those years ago I don't know how I would of coped on my own,and it was selfish of me to expect you to do that."

"Thankyou mum" I said as I moved to hug her"it's just I think I've made my decision now , I didn't want grants baby in 1992 and I don't want a baby with him now , I'm sorry I know you was happy about it and I wish things could be different but I can't put myself through that and I know that's selfish but."

"Hey stop that it's not selfish,your putting yourself first that's all that matters to me aslong as I've got my shal I'll be happy , and anyway you'd be no use to a little un if you wasn't looking after yourself first yeah."

"Yeah" I nodded as we went back to hugging "thankyou so much , one thing I will say is I don't think dad would of been so calm over this situation."

"Well that was your dad all over , unless he was in control he didn't want to know."

As much as I wanted to argue I simply didn't have the energy to and my stomach had still not calmed down and deep down I knew she was correct.

"Right you go sit down and I'll run you a bath yeah" "from now it's you and me and me looking after you."

"Thankyou mum"

Around half an hour later,I was lay in the bath just tracing my hand over my stomach. "I'm sorry darling it's for the best though I'd be a useless mum and your dad ain't much cop either." I was broken from my thoughts and conversation by mum calling me. It sounds silly doesn't it having a conversation with something that's the size of a peanut but the fact is there was still a part of me that wondered if I was making the right decision.

"Sharon I've booked your appointment .. are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah...it's er going to be hard but when it's done it's done and right now I think I'm making the right choice."

"Well I'll be there I can even come to your appointment with you if that's what you want."

"Yeah I'll let you know."

Okay , I'll leave you now enjoy the rest of you bath I'll be here if you need me."

"Okay"

As I turned the radio up , suddenly "bye bye baby" by Madonna came on and all i could think of was me and grant it'd be quite humorous how relatable it was if I wasn't going through this right now as I turned it up a slowly sobbed , by the time I'd finished I genuinely felt like I could be sick like I hadn't had enough of that , I quickly got washed and dried into my favourite pyjamas anything for a slight bit of comfort.

"You okay sharon?"

"Yeah why?"

"Your just quiet that's all"

"I'm just tired."

"You sure... not having doubts , you've looked upset ever since you got out the bath."

"No I'm not having doubts about it but I'm upset about it I know it's my choice and it feels like the right choice but it's just sad isn't it."

"Yeah darlin , and it's alright to feel sad about it your the one going through it." "Why don't you go try and get some sleep now then yeah"

"Yeah I think I might , thankyou mum."