The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you another hilarious and great chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Today, you're in for a real treat because in this chapter, Sean the Mayhem Critic is going to review a Disney classic. And that movie is Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, a movie that became a box-office success and became the highest-grossing live-action Disney film of all time. Does this movie still hold up after all these years? Sit back, relax and grab yourself a bowl of Cheerios, here's the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids is owned by Walt Disney Pictures.
Episode 180
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
(The Mayhem Critic intro is shown and afterwards we cut to our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his couch as he gets ready to start his review)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. I wasn't even born when Honey, I Shrunk the Kids came out in 1989." Sean said.
(The title screen for "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" is shown, followed by clips from the movie while music by James Horner plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) I remember I was like 4 or 5 when I watched this movie on VHS. I love comedy, I love Sci-Fi, I laughed when I saw that the dude who got turned into a terror dog playing the lead role (A picture of Louis Tully from Ghostbusters is shown). It was Disney's biggest hit in the box office, earned two sequels (Posters for Honey, I Blew Up the Kid and Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves is shown), it even got a TV show that ran from 1997 to 2000 (A picture of the television show is shown) and according to Rotten Tomatoes, it has an approval rating of 78%.
"I can see why people love this movie. Hell, I even loved it too. Plus, it came with the Roger Rabbit short Tummy Trouble on VHS." Sean said while he held the VHS copy of the movie in his hand.
(More clips from the movie are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie marks the directorial debut of Joe Johnston, who's known for working as visual effects artist for films like Indiana Jones and the original Star Wars trilogy. He would also go on to direct The Rocketeer, Jumanji, October Sky, Jurassic Park III, The Wolfman and Captain America: The First Avenger. I can see that this movie is his best film. From what I remember watching this movie as a kid is some pretty scary and dark moments in this film. But to top it off, you have it's well-picked talented cast of characters. And of course everybody remembers Rick Moranis and Matt Frewer and the other performances are memorable. Hell, this movie basically has actors who I recognize from TV shows and movies (The title screens for Animaniacs (referring to Frank Welker), Welcome Back, Kotter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Edward Scissorhands and Big are shown). I personally remember it being funny when I was a kid, but there might be some out there moments in it that I need to watch it again. So, that's what we're gonna do.
"Let's jump back to the year of Lethal Weapon 2, Batman and Indiana Jones, this is Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." Sean said.
(The movie opens with an animated title sequence, where we see an animated boy and girl as we see them getting shrunk and getting chased by certain items)
Sean: (Narrating) We get an animated title sequence, which was frequently used in 80s and 90s movies back then and we see everything trying to kill these two children who get shrunk by a shrink ray. You have a toaster, a dog, a vacuum cleaner trying to kill them and even at the end of the intro, they're trapped in an envelope all while cartoony music by the James Horner plays throughout the intro. Talk about a crazy opening for a kid's movie. And we see that the writers credited are Stuart Gordon, Brian Yuzna and Ed Naha (Pictures of the movie's writers are shown).
"You know your Disney movie is going to be comical when it consists of the two writers of Re-Animator." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We open at the home of our main character, the quirky scientist Wayne Szalinski played by Rick Moranis and his children, his teenage daughter Amy played by Amy O'Neill and his adorable aspiring-inventor son Nick played by Robert Oliveri. The family isn't bad, I have to say that Rick Moranis plays the character perfect. Both Chevy Chase and John Candy turned down the role of Wayne Szalinski, however Candy suggested Moranis for the role.
"Because really, you couldn't imagine anyone else playing that character. Rick Moranis rules." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We get the day in the life of the Szalinski's, you have Amy being the typical 80s teenager who wants to go to the mall with her friends and go out with a cute guy, while Nick is being the adorable, quirky little one who wants to get on his sister's nerves.
(Nick plays around with his model shrink ray replica that he made and points it at Quark)
Nick Szalinski (Played by Robert Oliveri): Zap!
(Quark runs away and barks)
Nick Szalinski: It works! It really work!
Amy Szalinski (Played by Amy O'Neill): Nick, get real.
Nick Szalinski: The subject... has disappeared.
"No, you just scared the crap out of that poor dog." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) I have point this out, but family's dog Quark is the most adorable dog I've ever seen in my life.
"He's the small, adorable version of Buck from Married... With Children. But Quark is much smarter than Buck." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Wayne is working on a ray gun that's capable of shrinking something down to size and growing them. And because of his work on the machine, it wakes up his next door neighbor Big Russ Thompson, played by Matt Frewer.
Big Russ Thompson (Played by Matt Frewer): Oh, no. Not again! (Gets up from out of bed and walks over to the window) Who does he think he is, Mister Wizard? (Sticks his head out the window and shouts) Szalinski, give it a rest! It's Saturday!
"You know, I swear that Matt Frewer looks like Jim Carrey. Hell, he's also one of my favorite characters in the movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We're also introduced to Big Russ' family: his wife Mae played by Kristine Sutherland, and one of his which consists of a little smartass named Ron, played by Jared Rushton, who spends his time setting traps.
Big Russ Thompson: Ron, what are you doing?
Ron Thompson (Played by Jared Rushton): Defending the backyard, Dad.
Big Russ Thompson: That's my fishing rod!
(Big Russ steps on the tripwire, causing the trap to go off, causing the crossbow to shoot an arrow at him and Mae closes her eyes)
Ron Thompson: Dad, no!
(Big Russ falls to the groud and Ron runs out of his tent to check on him)
Ron Thompson: Dad!
(Mae opens her eyes and looks down to see Big Russ lying on the ground with an arrow with a suction cup tip at the end stuck to his head)
Big Russ Thompson: Am I bleeding?
Mae Thompson (Played by Kristine Sutherland): Honey, it's rubber.
"Dude, I'm thinking that this is how Clyde Parker got his start before tormenting Jeff Matthews." Sean said as a picture of Clyde Parker from Pet Sematary II is shown.
Big Russ Thompson: What's on this thing?
Ron Thompson: Super Glue.
Big Russ Thompson: Super Glue?
Ron Thompson: Gotta mark those trespassers, Dad.
(Amy watches the Thompsons from the kitchen)
Sean: (V/O as Amy) Oh, great. The neighbors are going at it again.
Ron Thompson: (While holding on to the fishing rod) He's sounding.
(Ron yanks on the arrow with the fishing rod and Big Russ screams while their cat screeches)
Amy Szalinski: Weird family.
"Says the one who's father types with his gloves on." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick goes to show his father his little miniature shrink ray, but Wayne tells him to go help his sister since he's gotta get that thing working and when Nick leaves, it's the moment of truth.
Wayne Szalinski (Played by Rick Moranis): Stay back, boy. If this thing works, this'll put us right up there with the invention of electricity, the first man in space.
(Quark barks)
Wayne Szalinski: First dog in space.
(A beam hits the apple as Wayne tries to get it to shrink)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, is it just me or does James Horner's music score sounds like something off of a Looney Tunes cartoon? Just hearing it makes me feel like I'm watching a cartoon.
(Cut to a scene with James Horner's music score playing. Then, we cut to the Looney Tunes cartoon called "Swooner Crooner", where we see the Flockheed Eggcraft Factory and Raymond Scott's "Powerhouse" plays during the scene. This was used in several Looney Tunes cartoons with music by Carl W. Stalling)
Wayne Szalinski: Please, please, shrink. Please, shrink!
(Wayne presses a button on his remote to shrink the apple, but the shrink ray makes the apple explode, sending pieces of the apple all over the room and all over Wayne. He walks over to his thinking couch and sits down right next to Quark as the machine powers down)
Wayne Szalinski: (To Quark) On the other hand, we've come up with an interesting way of making applesauce.
"Hey, that would be a genius idea. Although, I'm getting sick and tired of tasting bits of appleseed in my applesauce." Sean said as he spits out bits of appleseed.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the Thompsons, we're introduced to the oldest son in the family, Little Russ Thompson played by Thomas Wilson Brown, and he's not too excited about going on a fishing trip with his old man.
Little Russ Thompson (Played by Thomas Wilson Brown): Fishing's your thing, Dad, not mine.
Big Russ Thompson: (To Mae) What's the matter with him?
Mae Thompson: Shh! (Walks him away from the bathroom door)
Big Russ Thompson: What do you mean "shush"? I see nothing wrong with wanting to take my son fishing.
Mae Thompson: Russell, I shouldn't be telling you this, but he was cut from the football team yesterday.
Big Russ Thompson: What?
Mae Thompson: Honey, please! What he doesn't need right now is to hear from you.
Big Russ Thompson: He needs something. When I was his age, I was cap-
Mae Thompson: Captain of the team.
Big Russ Thompson: And if my father wanted me to go on a fishing trip, I would've been-
Mae Thompson: Been grateful. Russ, he is too small for football.
Big Russ Thompson: He is not too small for football!
"My kid being too small for football? That's nonsense, I wasn't too small to be an animal expert and working in geophysics." Sean said, referencing the character Dr. Jim Taggart from the show Eureka while imitating Big Russ.
Mae Thompson: Honey, when you say things like that, you make him feel about this big.
Big Russ Thompson: If he wants to feel big, he should act big.
"Oh, God." Sean said with a look on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, hearing those lines being said made it sound weird when you're an adult.
Mae Thompson: You make him feel about this big.
Big Russ Thompson: If he wants to feel big, he should act big.
"Let's get him a really hot chick so he can take her into his room and bang her. People won't call him "Little Russ" any more." Sean said, imitating Big Russ.
Sean: (Narrating) Amy serves Wayne and Nick breakfast that she's burned, but Nick doesn't want any of it and she gives it to Quark. (Sees Nick eating an oatmeal cream pie) Also, don't you just want an oatmeal cream pie that Nick is eating? Man, I want one right now.
Amy Szalinski: Mmm, did you get the machine to work?
Wayne Szalinski: Yeah. A few more bus to get out, but...
Amy Szalinski: What about the conference?
(The cat clock meows and Quark barks)
Wayne Szalinski: Jeez, the conference. I gotta get going.
Sean: (V/O as Announcer while Nick sits the box of Little Debbie oatmeal cream pies on the table) Brought to you by Little Debbie.
Sean: (Narrating) Wayne heads out of the house to go to his conference until his wife Diane, played by Marcia Strassman, calls the house. Turns out that her and Wayne were having problems and she's staying at her mom's house. She checks in on her family and Wayne talks to her on the phone before he leaves.
Diane Szalinski (Played by Marcia Strassman): I called to wish you good luck at the conference.
Wayne Szalinski: Look, Diane, if things go well this morning, everything will change around here, I promise you.
Diane Szalinski: Okay. I have a house to show, and then I'll be home this afternoon and we'll talk.
"Just make sure that the house is clean when I get home. I just hope that you didn't do anything crazy while I'm away." Sean said, imitating Diane.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick shows hires the neighborhood kid Tommy Pervis, played by Carl Steven, to mow the backyard and he shows him this pretty cool lawnmower that he invented and he uses a remote control to control it.
"God, I would so definitely have one of those in my home." Sean said.
Nick Szalinski: You throw in... a box of cookies, I'll let you cut the whole thing.
Tommy Pervis (Played by Carl Steven): Oh, but I have to go and meet Newt right now. Uh, could I do it later?
Nick Szalinski: I don't think so, because, you know, my dad's gonna come home and...
Tommy Pervis: Aw, come on!
Nick Szalinski: Okay. Don't be too late.
Tommy Pervis: Okay, thanks. (Leaves)
Nick Szalinski: No problem.
Tommy Pervis: See you later!
Nick Szalinski: (Sighs) Nothing like a hard day's work.
"Dude, you could've hired Edward Scissorhands to cut your lawn. Hell, he'll even sculpt your hedges for you." Sean said as a picture of Edward Scissorhands is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Ron gets ready to play some baseball and he messes with Nick while he's busy cleaning the lawn.
Ron Thompson: Hey, Szalinski, ever do anything normal, like play baseball?
"You ever do anything normal like hanging out with your best friend who turned into a grown man?" Sean asked referencing the movie Big.
Nick Szalinski: Baseball's for mortals.
Ron Thompson: Maybe you could be the base.
Nick Szalinski: Maybe you could be the mound.
Big Russ Thompson: Ronald! Lug your stuff.
Ron Thompson: Later, worm.
"You're on my list along with the kid from Terminator 2." Sean said, imitating Ron.
Sean: (Narrating) And you know that your movie was made in the 80s when you have your character dancing to some music while cleaning.
(Amy is busy doing some cleaning. Little Russ walks by the house and sees Amy dancing around with a mop in her hand to the song "Turn It Up". Big Russ appears and sees this happening)
Big Russ Thompson: Weird family.
(Big Russ sees his oldest son checking out Amy)
Sean: (V/O as Big Russ) Oh, dear. Russell is checking out Szalinski's daughter. Why couldn't be Kelly Bundy?
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Big Russ tries to bond with Russell by showing him why he's known as "Big Russ", with lifting weights.
(Big Russ struggles to lift some weights, then immediately sits them down on the ground and exhales loudly, panting)
Big Russ Thompson: Try it. Go ahead, go ahead.
Little Russ Thompson: Um, Dad, you know the weights aren't my thing.
Big Russ Thompson: Fishing isn't your thing. Weights aren't your thing. Just what is your thing?
Little Russ Thompson: I don't know, but I'll keep you posted, okay?
"Besides, you don't want him to scream out "MOM!" while he has some weights crushing him." Sean said.
Big Russ Thompson: (To the cat) What am I doing wrong, Spike?
(Big Russ takes his baseball cap off and sticks a cigarette in his mouth before putting his hat back on while Mae isn't paying any attention)
Mae Thompson: Russell, you're not smoking a cigarette, are you?
(Big Russ spits the cigarette out)
Big Russ Thompson: No, dear. You know I've given that up.
"Yeah, Russell. Haven't you learn from Superman?" Sean asked.
(Cut to the Superman "Never Say Yes to a Cigarette" PSA)
Superman: That's why I never say yes to a cigarette.
Sean: (Narrating) While Big Russ and Mae pack everything up for the fishing trip, Ron takes some time in playing some baseball and he shows off his swinging skills like he's on MLB The Show and hits the ball which crashes through the Szalinski's attic window and into the machine, causing it to activate and shrink the thinking couch and chair. Russell sees this and they go over to the house to tell Amy and Nick what happened.
Little Russ Thompson: Um, my brother has something to tell you. Or else I can tell them?
Ron Thompson: Okay. See, I was playing with my ball, right? Well, actually, it's not my ball exactly. It's Charlie Sudzen's...
Little Russ Thompson: Just tell her what you did.
Ron Thompson: It never would have happened if their house wasn't so close.
Little Russ Thompson: He hit a baseball through your attic window.
Amy Szalinski: He what?
Ron Thompson: It shouldn't have been closed in the first place. It's a nice day!
"Besides, it's not like I broke something very important in there." Sean said, imitating Ron.
Sean: (Narrating) Amy tells Nick to go up to the attic with Ron to grab his ball and when they do, they end up getting shrunk by the shrink ray. We cut to Wayne as we see him at his conference to showcase what his invention does and prove that the machine work, but the audience thinks that it's all nonsense.
Professor Frederickson (Played by Craig Richard Nelson): Are you trying to tell me that suddenly size is no longer relative?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, that's right, Professor Frederickson, that all matter is made up of not only density, but of empty space. And if we can proportionately reduce the amount of empty space in any given object, we can thereby... shrink the object.
Professor Frederickson: Uh-huh. Where's your proof?
Wayne Szalinski: When Einstein came up with the atomic bomb, did they ask him to prove that it worked?
"Uh, I thought it was Oppenheimer who came up with the atomic bomb." Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) He gets laughed at by the other scientists, but his friend Dr. Brainard, played by Lou Cutell, has his full support.
Dr. Brainard (Played by Lou Cutell): Don't take it too hard, Wayne. It will take time to convince people without proof.
"Didn't stop him from convincing the audience from when he shrunk them." Sean said, referencing the Disneyland attraction Honey, I Shrunk the Audience.
Sean: (Narrating) Amy and Russ head upstairs to look for their brothers, but they end up getting zapped by the shrink ray, only to find themselves shrunk down to the size of peas.
Amy Szalinski: Nick, what did you do?
Nick Szalinski: Me? It was his ball.
Ron Thompson: Shut up, wimp!
Nick Szalinski: We have to get Dad. He'll know what to do.
(The phone rings)
Amy Szalinski: Nick, if that's Paul Tate, I'm gonna kill you.
"I'm am not missing an important date with him, you little worm. I will kill you before you even appear in the sequel." Sean said, imitating Amy.
Sean: (Narrating) Wayne returns home only to find that the kids aren't home and we get a little appearance of a Mickey Mouse toy on the stairs. (The camera zooms in on the Mickey Mouse toy) What do you know? I didn't even notice that before and I just now noticed this. Quark tries to get his attention and the kids hear Wayne's voice and they try to get his attention.
(Wayne enters the attic while the kids yell out to get his attention. Wayne then glares at his shrink ray and sits down, only to realize that his thinking couch is gone)
"Suddenly, when Wayne plops on the floor, it sounds like a gunshot." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Wayne goes all Hulk Smash on the machine as the kids try to get his attention and he sweeps up everything, including the kids and dumps them into the trash. Nice job, Wayne. You tried to kill your own kids and the neighbor's kids and you destroyed your machine. World's greatest genius, my ass.
(Russ and Ron open the bag and they find themselves at the far end of the backyard)
Amy Szalinski: Oh, my God.
Nick Szalinski: Reminds me of the backyard.
"Now, this is where I talk about the effects for this movie. The visual effects for the movie still hold up pretty well, even for a film made in 1989." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) You know I'm a sucker for practical effects. Watching this movie when I was a kid, I was amazed at the film's visuals. It gives us the illusion of the backyard being one big jungle for the kids to survive in while trying to make their way home without getting themselves killed. And since it's directed by Joe Johnston, he has experience in visual effects. And yes, I know that some of the effects in this film look dated, but it still looks great. I mean, it's no Avatar. Hell, this movie has better visual effects than Avatar.
(A clip from Friday is shown)
Craig (Played by Ice Cube) and Smokey (Played by Chris Tucker): (Both) DAAAAAAAAMN!
"Oh, yeah. I went there." Sean said.
Little Russ Thompson: Come on, Ron. We're gonna go with them.
Ron Thompson: What? You let a girl tell you what to do? (Glares at Amy) Mmm.
Little Russ Thompson: Look, Ron. Down here, you're gonna listen to me. From now on, you're gonna do what I say!
"I want you to look at me right now, I'm the captain now! Plus, I find Amy to be pretty hot and I want to plow her right now." Sean said, imitating Russ.
Sean: (Narrating) Diane returns to home to check on things and for her and Wayne to patch things up and to ask where the kids are at.
Diane Szalinski: Where are the kids?
Wayne Szalinski: I haven't seen them since I left this morning.
Diane Szalinski: Did you tell them I was coming home?
Wayne Szalinski: Yeah, that's why they cleaned things up.
Diane Szalinski: (Chuckles) I see. Well, they're probably just at the mall.
"Or they're in the backyard with the Thompson's kids because your husband shrunk them. Is this going to be like An American Tail?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the kids venture through the backyard and Nick has an idea on how to get home.
Nick Szalinski: Quark!
Ron Thompson: Your dog?
Nick Szalinski: Yeah.
Amy Szalinski: Quark can't hear us.
Nick Szalinski: Yeah, he can. Dogs have great ears. If we can get on him, he'll take us all the way back to the house. Whistle.
(Nick and Amy start whistling to get Quark's attention. Quark hears the whistling sounds. Amy turns to Russ and sees that he's not whistling)
Amy Szalinski: What's wrong?
Ron Thompson: He can't whistle.
"Don't make fun of him, you little shit. Hey, I'm not great at whistling." Sean said.
Amy Szalinski: (To Russ) You know how to whistle. You just put your lips together and blow.
q"Well, there you go. You got yourself a little quote from Lauren Bacall from the film To Have and Have Not in 1989." Sean said.
Amy Szalinski: You know how to whistle. You just put your lips together and blow.
(A clip from To Have and Have Not is shown)
Marie 'Slim' Browning (Played by Lauren Bacall): You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together... and blow.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick, Ron and Russ climb up a flower to get Quark's attention, but the Thompson's cat chases Quark away. Nick falls off of the flower's stem and lands in another flower, but then a swarm of bees arrive and one picks up Nick and Russ Jr. hops on top of the bee to save Nick while Ron does his best to piss Amy off with his complaining and to test my patience as well.
Ron Thompson: We're never gonna find Russ now. It's all your stupid dad's fault.
Amy Szalinski: Shut up! My brother's up there, too.
"I swear, if Ron says something else, I'm gonna jump through this television and strangle him with my bare hands." Sean said.
Big Russ Thompson: Hey, Szalinski! Your lawn's beginning to look like the Amazon.
Wayne Szalinski: Yeah? Producing oxygen, Russ. We've all gotta do our part. You know, the jungles are receding everywhere.
(The bee flies at Big Russ as he swats the bee away)
Little Russ Thompson: Don't!
Nick Szalinski: Stop! We're on the bee!
(The bee flies right towards Wayne. Wayne ducks down and picks up Ron's baseball bat and starts swinging)
Nick Szalinski: Stop! You'll kill us!
Little Russ Thompson: Don't do it! Please!
(Nick screams)
Nick Szalinski: Stop it! Whoa!
(Wayne continues to swing the bat, causing the bee to fly uncontrollably)
Little Russ Thompson: Hold on, Nick! We're going down!
(Little Russ and Nick both scream as they are flung off of the bee)
"Nice job, dumbass! You just tried to kill your own kid and the neighbor's kid." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Wayne realizes that Nick doesn't play baseball and he heads back up to the attic to find the baseball and step on his chair and he makes a discovery after he sees that his thinking couch was shrunk by the shrink ray and realizes that it works and something else too.
Wayne Szalinski: Nick? Amy? Can you hear me? Nick.
(Wayne looks at the broom and realizes what he has just done)
"Oh, shit. Diane is definitely going to kill me." Sean said, imitating Wayne.
Sean: (Narrating) Wayne checks out the trash bag that the kids were in and he walks on the lawn, but then he climbs and walks on the fence to avoid stepping on the grass. And I love the reactions from Mae and Big Russ when they see him. Hell, Matt Frewer's reaction is priceless and the only thing he says is this.
Big Russ Thompson: (After seeing Wayne acting strange) Uh-huh.
"That part gives me a chuckle every time I watch it. That would also be my response to seeing something weird happening." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Nick and Little Russ survive their wild ride and you know that it's a PG-rated film from Disney when you show your characters bleeding.
Nick Szalinski: When we crashed, my entire life flashed before my eyes.
"I swore I thought I saw a drunk Anthony Michael Hall trying to run me over with his van." Sean said, imitating Nick while a clip from Edward Scissorhands plays in the right hand corner.
Ron Thompson: And then if they don't fry him, he'll go to jail. Your mother, too. After all, she's the one who paid for it. That makes her an accomplice. Do you know what it's like in jail?
"Jesus Christ!" Sean groaned in disgust. "Is that little fucker still talking?"
Ron Thompson: You'll go to jail, too. I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother, you smacked me around.
"I'm about to smack him around if he doesn't shut up." Sean said.
Ron Thompson: The whole Szalinski family is gonna be in jail for life!
Amy Szalinski: Look. My dad's machine works. When we get home and he fixes us all, we're gonna be so rich, you'll regret this.
(A cha-ching sound effect plays)
Ron Thompson: Amy, you know I've always liked your family. I mean, your dad's a real nice guy. He's not as weird as I thought he was. I love you and Nick like my own brother and sister.
(A clip from A League of Their Own is shown)
Ernie Capadino (Played by Jon Lovitz): Will you shut up?!
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Wayne is walking on stilts to look for the kids, until he accidentally turns on the sprinklers with the hose, raining water down upon them as the kids run for their lives. Amy sees Nick and Little Russ until a giant splash of water knocks her into the muddy water. Little Russ rushes down there to save her and he administers CPR to her.
(Little Russ performs CPR on Amy)
Nick Szalinski: Please don't die.
(Little Russ continues to perform CPR on Amy to revive her as she coughs up water and tries to catch her breath and Nick, relieved that she's alive, hugs her)
Nick Szalinski: Amy.
"Originally, in the script, there were supposed to be five kids and one of them dies. Yeah, that's a little too dark for a Disney movie. But then again, these are the same two guys that did this movie." Sean said as the poster for the movie From Beyond is shown.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Mae is worried that her sons have not shown up while Big Russ...
Big Russ Thompson: This is getting ridiculous. Where the hell are those kids?
"Is making sure that this movie definitely earned a PG-rating." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Then, friends of the Thompsons show up unexpectedly like friggin' Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. He greets his friend Don, played by Mark L. Taylor...
"Boy, I tend to recognize that guy in a lot of movies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And his wife Gloria, played by Kimmy Roberston, as she notices Wayne flying.
(Gloria sees Wayne hanging on his swing)
Gloria Forrester (Played by Kimmy Robertson): Donald, that man over there is flying.
Don Forrester (Played by Mark L. Taylor): Right, Gloria.
"What's next? You're going to tell me that there's a man dressed as a bat a few blocks away?" Sean asked, imitating Don.
Big Russ Thompson: Don, uh, something's come up. I don't think we're gonna be able to make it. Maybe you ought to go on ahead.
Don Forrester: What do... What do you mean you don't think you're gonna be able to make it? We're caravaning, good buddy!
Gloria Forrester: Donald, I am...
Don Forrester: Not now, Gloria! And besides, if you're not there by six, you'll lose your deposit.
Big Russ Thompson: Confidentially... Mae hasn't been feeling too well. Plumbing.
Don Forrester: Plumbing?
"I would've went with a vampire bit her on her neck or she died from an aneurysm." Sean said, referencing Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
(As he gets ready to get in the RV with Gloria, Don sees Wayne hanging on his swing)
Don Forrester: Mm-hmm.
"Oh, yeah. This line is definitely going to be a running gag for this movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the kids, Amy thanks Little Russ for saving Nick and for saving her. And when Nick asks him how he learned how to perform CPR, his response is this.
Little Russ Thompson: French class, kid.
Nick Szalinski: Oh. (Confused) French class?
(Little Russ and Amy smile at each other as Amy gets the joke)
"Don't worry, kid. You'll figure it out by the end of the movie. Hell, I got the joke when I was 12 years old." Sean said.
Amy Szalinski: (To Ron) How about a truce, okay?
Ron Thompson: Okay.
(Amy shakes Ron's hand, but she ends up putting mud in his hand while humming)
Sean: (V/O as Ron) He should've let the bitch drown.
(As they leave, Wayne is hovering over the flagstone while looking for them)
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, my God! He was right underneath you guys! He's right above you! Anyway, the kids are busy talking about food until they come across one of Nick's oatmeal cream pies.
"Man, I would so love an oatmeal cream pie right now. Movie, you're making me hungry." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But an ant appears to claim their sweet treat and scare them off, but Ron wants to take back what's theirs, but Nick has another idea and that ant could take them home. So they do this by...
(The boys charge at the ant and jump on him. Ron jumps on top of the ant)
Little Russ Thompson: Ron, be careful!
Ron Thompson: (While riding the ant) Yee-haw!
Little Russ Thompson: Nick. over there! Over there!
Ron Thompson: Whoa!
(Ron gets thrown off of the ant)
"Okay, they are making it seem like its fun." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Boy, they are having way too much fun with that animatronic ant and riding it like it's a mechanical bull and getting knocked off by it. Hell, I get a laugh from seeing Nick riding the wrong end of the ant. Plus, James Horner's music makes this scene pretty hilarious. Anyway, Amy takes the cookie and leads the ant. But hey, more of Wayne's crazy antics.
(Quark is pulling on the rope to the swing that Wayne is hanging on, tying the rope around and releases him, causing Wayne to spin around and scream)
Mae Thompson: (On the phone) Thank you, officer. We'd appreciate you sending somebody by. Oh, okay, it's 646-
(Wayne yells as he is flung over to the Thompsons pool while Mae and Big Russ notices)
Big Russ Thompson: That guy's got serious problems.
"Hey, what did you expect from a guy who's been turned into a dog and dealing with a talking plant from outer space?" Sean asked, referencing Ghostbuster and Little Shop of Horrors.
Sean: (Narrating) Mae calls the cops to report their sons missing and the cops arrive at their home to talk to them, but Big Russ isn't taking it very easy.
Big Russ Thompson: Whoa, we did not have a spat.
Mae Thompson: You were kind of upset about Russ quitting the team.
Big Russ Thompson: Quit! I thought he was cut!
Mae Thompson: He was afraid to tell you he quit.
Big Russ Thompson: Quit... What do you mean he was afraid to tell me? He can tell me anything he wants. You know me! I always listen!
Male Cop (Played by Trevor Galtress): Uh-huh.
Big Russ Thompson: What's "uh-huh" supposed to mean?
Mae Thompson: Russell!
Big Russ Thompson: No. I don't like the way he said it.
Female Cop (Played by Laura Waterbury): You don't need to get upset, Mr. Thompson. You know, it's not unusual for these runaways...
Big Russ Thompson: Whoa, my kids did not run away. They're happy kids, and there's no way you can make me believe that they ran away! (Sees that the cop is writing something on his report) Here he goes with his writing again. Don't you ever say anything?
Male Cop: Uh-huh.
"Oh, man. That cop reminds me of the cast of Fargo. All he does is say "uh-huh". That's what makes it so funny." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Wayne tells Diane that the kids are in the backyard and he shows her the couch from the attic and he tells her that the machine works, and also he shrunk the kids and the Thompson's kids too. Diane, well...
Diane Szalinski: What?
Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids, too. They're about this big. They're in the backyard.
Diane Szalinski: What?!
Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.
(Diane grabs Wayne, but then the doorbell rings)
Wayne Szalinski: Stay here. I'll get the door.
(Wayne sees the two police officers standing in front of his door and opens it)
Wayne Szalinski: Yes?
Female Cop: Did, uh, you report some missing children?
Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Ours are in the backyard. (To Diane) Right, honey?
(Diane faints)
Wayne Szalinski: (To the cops) She's... Thank you. (Closes the door)
"Still the funniest reaction ever. It never gets old. That is some great slapstick comedy right there." Sean said
Sean: (Narrating) With the kids, they manage to befriend the ant and name him "Antie" as they head home and Ron makes a new pet, but then it's getting dark and they come across one of Nick's Lego pieces to spend the night. Meanwhile, Wayne and Diane tell Big Russ and Mae about what happened, but Big Russ doesn't believe him and Wayne shows him his couch as proof that his machine works.
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us sooner?
Diane Szalinski: Well, until now, the machine just blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that machine blew...
Big Russ Thompson: Blew up my kids?
Wayne Szalinski: No, no, no.
Diane Szalinski: No, no, no.
Wayne Szalinski: If the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere.
Diane Szalinski: (Shocked) Wayne!
"Jesus, dude! That was a little dark. Just be glad that your machine didn't blow them up." Sean said.
Wayne Szalinski: Look, I'm positive about this, okay? The machine shrunk our kids.
Big Russ Thompson: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski!
Mae Thompson: Russell!
Big Russ Thompson: You are a nutcase. And I'll tell you something. I have got an air hammer in my attic. And if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you all over the neighborhood!
(A clip from Spaceballs is shown)
Dark Helmet (Played by Rick Moranis): I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes!
(Cut to Wayne and Diane sitting on the porch in the backyard)
Wayne Szalinski: Are you okay?
Diane Szalinski: I'm scared. Somehow, I feel like this is all our fault.
Wayne Szalinski: No, it's my fault. (Sighs) I start working on something, and I... I don't think about anything else. I should have been more careful with that thing.
"Hey, just be glad that you didn't blow up the kids." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So while Wayne gets to work on fixing the machine, the kids are sleeping while Amy and Russ stay up to look at the stars and to talk about their feelings for one another.
Amy Szalinski: Russ?
Little Russ Thompson: Yeah?
Amy Szalinski: How come you never came over before?
Little Russ Thompson: Well... I mean... you talked to me once or twice last year. I mean, I would've come by. I wanted to, but... I guess I always thought you were too popular to notice me.
Amy Szalinski: I was too popular to notice. I was stupid.
"Why would I chase Paul Tate when I have this shy hunk right in front of me?" Sean asked, imitating Amy.
Sean: (Narrating) Amy and Russ kiss, but their romantic moment is ruined by the most traumatizing part of the film. And yes, I'm talking about the scorpion. That friggin' thing gave me nightmares. The scorpion tries to kill Ron, who's still in the Lego, but Antie steps in to fight the monstrosity.
(Antie fights the scorpion)
"Come on, Antie! Kick that scorpion's tail|!" Sean yelled out.
(Antie continues to fight the scorpion, until the scorpion grabs Antie by the neck with it's claw and fatally wounds Antie with it's stinger)
"NO! YOU BASTARD!" Sean screamed out.
Sean: (Narrating) The kids scare the scorpion off by throwing sticks and rocks at it, but Antie is close to death and we get probably the saddest death scene ever.
Ron Thompson: (To Antie) You saved my life. No, he's gonna be okay.
Little Russ Thompson: Ron...
(Antie dies as Ron starts crying)
"And now, a moment of silence for this loveable ant." Sean said as he bows his head down.
(Cut to a picture of Antie. The caption reads: "Antie, 1989")
Sean: (Narrating) The next morning, Wayne continues to work on the machine, but then takes a little sleep break.
(Diane enters the attic, only to find Wayne asleep at his desk)
Diane Szalinski: I love you, Wayne Szalinski.
"Even though you shrunk our kids, turned our baby boy into a giant, shrinking the audience and then you, me, your brother and his wife. I still love you." Sean said, imitating Diane.
Sean: (Narrating) Tommy arrives at the house to cut the grass, which means putting the kids lives in danger as they make a run for it and hide in a wormhole to escape. Wayne and Diane hear the sound of the lawnmower starting and they head outside to get Tommy's attention. Tommy stops the lawnmower over the hole of the tunnel and sucks Nick out.
(Nick is immediately sucked out of the hole while Ron is holding onto him while Russ is holding onto Ron while Amy is holding on to Russ while she uses her feet to hold onto a root)
Sean: (V/O as Nick) Oh, God! Save me before I hook up with the chick from Felicity in the sequel!
Sean: (Narrating) They turn off the lawnmower and the kids cheat death once again. And they try to get Wayne and Diane's attention, but no luck. But then Quark shows up and they grab onto his fur to ride him back to the house.
(Quark sees the Thompson's cat sitting on their porch. A translation for the cat reads: "Back off, flea bag" as the cat hisses at Quark. Quark growls and barks at the cat with the translation, "Your ass is mine!". The cat shakes his head with the translation "OH, SHITBALLS!" before running away)
Sean: (Narrating) Quark enters the house and jump onto the table while Wayne is eating a bowl of Cheerios, then Nick falls into his cereal and we get this memorable scene with the kids trying to stop Wayne from eating Nick.
Wayne Szalinski: I tell you, at their size, that backyard is like ten miles. Giant blades of grass, huge insects. It's a jungle out there.
Diane Szalinski: They're gonna head right for the house.
(The kids scream to get Wayne's attention)
Wayne Szalinki: Yeah, you're probably right.
Nick Szalinski: (Swims away) No!
"I reenact the cereal scene when I was a kid every time when I eat a bowl of Cheerios." Sean said.
Nick Szalinski: No, Dad!
(Wayne gets a spoonful, which contains Nick)
Nick Szalinski: Help! Dad, don't!
Wayne Szalinski: Just gotta keep our eyes open.
Nick Szalinski: Help! Don't eat me! (Screams)
Sean: (Narrating) Quark bites Wayne and he finally sees Nick with his magnifying glass as well as the rest of the kids. So, they bring the Thompsons over and with the kids communicating with them that the baseball went through the window and Big Russ decides to be a test subject. Oh, good. At least we get to see a death involved.
Big Russ Thompson: Okay, Szalinski, shoot. (Closes his eyes)
Wayne Szalinski: No reason it shouldn't work now.
Big Russ Thompson: (Opens his eyes) What?
(A clip from The Crimson Permanent Assurance is shown)
Sword-Wielding American (Played by Matt Frewer): Oh, shit!
(Wayne shrinks Big Russ)
"Well, what do you know? Big Russ is now Little Russ." Sean said as the audience boos at his bad joke. "What? What? What?!"
Sean: (Narrating) Wayne regrows Big Russ back to normal and he brings the kids back to normal size and the kids are reunited with their families. Thus, the film ends with the Szalinskis and the Thompsons spending Thanksgiving together after becoming good friends and they eat a huge turkey. Also, Amy and Little Russ started dating. But this film's not gonna end there.
Nick Szalinski: Hey, wait! I get it! French class! (Laughs)
"About time you got the joke. For those of you who didn't get the joke, then screw you. And that was Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and for a kid's film that still holds up after 34 years, I still love it and it's still one of my favorites." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) It's a wholesome family film with great laughs, amazing visual effects and a great script, I can see why this is Disney's best film to date. The acting is pretty good mostly from Moranis and Frewer and yes, the families are like your typical 80s family. As for Joe Johnston's direction, he did a pretty fantastic job at directing this film because again, he worked on visual effects before he moved onto directing. It is a fun little film for the whole family and if you haven't seen it, then go to Disney Plus and watch it. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids comes in at 5 oatmeal cream pies out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time because the next film that I'll be reviewing is..." Sean said.
Audience Members: REVIEW HONEY, I BLEW UP THE KID! REVIEW HONEY, I BLEW UP THE KID!
"Alright, Alright! Fine! Since I reviewed the first film, I gotta review the second film." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline: Uh-huh.
And that was the review of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids for The Mayhem Critic. Man, I went through this review quick. Hope that you all enjoyed this review. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean reviews the 1992 sequel Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, a sequel that he definitely likes. Is it better than the original? We'll find out next time. Don't forget to review the story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you want to co-review Honey, I Blew Up the Kid with me, feel free to PM me if you're interested to do a co-review. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.