Chapter 51: Gains and Losses

After Kaitlyn spoke with Gandalf for nearly half an hour, she was whisked away to choose fabric for the dress she was to wear for the feast to celebrate the arrival of Legolas and Gimli and to celebrate her and Legolas' marriage. As she followed the red haired Elf named Meren to the building that held fabric, ribbons, leather and trims, she was surprised to see Elslyn waiting for her.

"Elslyn, what are you doing here? You were just with Legolas."

The tall blond Elleth smiled warmly. "I wished to be here with you to choose the fabric for your wedding feast dress. Legolas told me that in your world your mother would normally choose a dress with you. I did not wish for you to choose alone."

Kaitlyn's eyes blurred with tears. "Hannon le, Elslyn. You have no idea how much this means to me." (Thank you)

"Let us see what beautiful fabrics that Meren has and see if there is a style of dress you prefer."

Kailtyn was amazed to learn that her dress would be finished by tomorrow morning.

While Kaitlyn was choosing a gown to wear for the feast, Legolas walked around Calmálos to learn more about the settlement. The feast was to be held in an open area beneath the great trees that was normally the weekly market. Elves were already decorating and bringing wooden tables and chairs. Lanterns were being hung around the perimeter where there were garlands of greenery and flowers.

As Legolas wandered, he wondered where Gimli had gone. He had not seen his dwarf friend since he and Kaitlyn had arrived in the settlement. He wanted to help the dwarf understand about how and why Kaitlyn was here in Valinor.

A part of him was still in disbelief that Kaitlyn was here, they were married and she was to live a longer life. He was so deep into his thoughts he did not see the elf that had stopped to his left.

"We meet again, my woodland friend."

Legolas looked up into a familiar face with blue eyes framed by straight blond hair. Haldir of Lothlorien stood before him. Legolas' lips curved into a smile at the sight of the former March Warden. He bowed his head in greeting and the two elves clasped arms like long lost brothers.

"It does my heart well to see you here, Haldir. We were all grieved that you fell at Helm's Deep." the wood Elf told him honestly.

"Hannon le. I would have liked to see the outcome of the battle and the war myself, instead of hearing it from others. That was not my fate." He gave a sad smile as he looked down at the stone path they stood upon, and when he looked up again, his eyes were full of warmth.

"It must make your heart whole to have Kaitlyn here."

Legolas grinned. "Her being here is more than I ever dreamed could happen on Valinor. I am beyond blessed by Eru himself."

"Indeed! I was astonished when she arrived at our shores on one of the ships." Haldir told him. " As she and I became reacquainted I learned that the young woman who once feared Elves fell in love with one. Congratulations on your marriage."

"Hannon le." (Thank you)

"She has been a great asset to Calmálos. Several of us would be lost without her weekly deliveries of fish, eggs and vegetables. She has also introduced us to foods from her home. Pizza is a particular favorite of mine. I will often ride to her home to have it for dinner with her." Haldir grinned and then his expression became more serious. "She has fit in well here. Thunin, Elslyn and Lossen adore her, as do many others."

"I have met Thunin and Elslyn but have not been acquainted with Lossen. I am overwhelmed by their love for her."

"After what she did for Thunin at Helm's Deep, he at first felt deeply indebted to her. Once he came to know her, that debt turned into love. He protects her fiercely. It will be difficult for him to relinquish that role to you."

"I would not take it from him," Legolas told Haldir honestly. "He is like a father to her. I can see it with how they interact and Elslyn is as a mother. Kaitlyn has needed that desperately since losing her own family."

Haldir nodded. "She has flourished with their care."

"I have seen that with my own eyes. Do they have any children of their own? They did not mention any."

"Aye, they have a daughter, Laithia, though she lives north of Tirion in Alqualondë with her husband. We occasionally see her and her husband in Tirion at the seasonal feasts."

Legolas' nodded.

"I am glad you finally sailed." Haldir told him.

"It was time. Aragorn had recently perished and my heart was weary with the mortal world."

Haldir put a comforting hand on the Mirkwood Prince's shoulder as he knew the Elf had lost a great deal.

"We heard of the great deeds done by Aragorn. Not just in battle against Sauron's forces but in times of peace as well. Many elves who sailed and settled here were proud to call him mellon. He was an incredible man and I heard an incredible king." (friend)

"He ruled with honor and compassion. I miss him greatly." Legolas lowered his head as pain gripped his heart.

"As is to be expected." Haldir sighed.

When Kaitlyn did not return after a few hours and he and Haldir had concluded their conversation, Legolas wandered back to the clearing. There he found Mithrandir, pipe in hand, smoking while he was overseeing how the final decorations for the feast were being hung.

The Mirkwood Elf, stood beside the white wizard and said nothing for several moments. When the silence stretched on, he spoke. "Mithrandir, there are several things I desire to ask you. "

"Ask away, young prince," he said, puffing on his pipe.

"Kaitlyn informed me that there are elves who dislike her and the hobbits."

The white wizard frowned. "And you desire to know if this is true?"

The blond Elf shook his head. " I desire to know what level of distrust and dislike there has been. Has she ever been threatened in any way?"

Mithrandir frowned and looked away from the flowers and garland being hung to focus his attention on the Mirkwood Elf. "Not to my knowledge. There have been unkind words spoken to her and the hobbits. Some will not engage in trade with Kaitlyn, others will not let her patronize their booths at the feasts. Some will ignore her completely. Occasionally a bold elf tells her or the hobbits that they do not belong here and they should leave, which is of course ridiculous. They have every right to be here as they were invited by the Valar."

"A part of me worries about Gimli as well." Legolas' told him, worry lacing his tone. "I did not think of how others would perceive him when I brought him with me. Elves and dwarves lived in harmony in Gondor. I became accustomed to that. Things are different here. Not all old wounds have healed."

"Do not trouble yourself, Legolas where Gimli is concerned. Lady Galadriel has personally invited him to live here in the shadow of her own dwelling. He will be well protected for the rest of his days. It will also allow you and Kaitlyn to begin your lives together with less worry."

"That was very generous of the Lady of Light. Gimli must be beside himself. I am surprised he did not seek me to tell me the news. " he said feeling slighted.

"I think he has been too preoccupied with the knowledge that Kaitlyn is alive and that we will all celebrate your marriage. Kaitlyn explained all to him about how she came to be here. He has forgiven me and is off now making his own arrangements for the feast. It is obvious he cares for her and he is glad that she has re-entered your life."

"He is one of the few who knew of my love for her. I am certain you remember they got along well on our journey."

"I remember."

Legolas looked away. His heart ached that his wife was not currently with him though he knew their separation was temporary. He lowered his head and closed his eyes.

" I once thought I was cursed."

Mithrandir frowned.

"I thought I would never know the great joy of love like others of my kind. To discover it when Kaitlyn was dying before my eyes during a great war against Sauron was both thrilling and frightening." Legolas drew in and released a shuddering breath. "She recovered, returned my love and we pledged ourselves to one another. That joy did not last long. My heart was torn asunder to leave her behind in Dunharrow while I went to war. Then to survive but learn that she did not…."

Legolas closed his eyes as old pain flooded him. After a few moments he opened his eyes and they were clear of agony.

"Now I feel as if I have been blessed. I waited without realizing and have been given the ultimate reward. She was here waiting for me and I have been granted much more time with her."

"It hurt me to watch you suffer when I was unable to tell you the entire truth," the wizard told him honestly.

"I do not doubt that, Mithrandir. During the war you often encouraged her and I to seek each other when comfort was needed. You realized our love before either of us did."

Mithrandir gave Legolas a smile. His blue eyes took on a far off look as he reminisced about old days. He had enjoyed watching the Mirkwood Prince fall in love after he had been without a mate for far too long. He and Kaitlyn were good for one another.

"Did the Valar gift the hobbits with an extended life as they did Kaitlyn?"

The wizard released a puff of smoke. "They attempted to. However Frodo and Samwise turned down the offer."

Legolas' dark brows rose over his pale eyes in surprise.

"I believe they seek the quiet and peace that death will eventually afford them. Bilbo did not accept either. He passed just last year." Mithrandir leaned heavily against his staff and Legolas could see the sadness in the wizard's eyes. Like himself, Mithrandir had surrounded himself with mortals and when they passed it was very painful to lose them forever.

" I am grieved to learn of his passing."

"Hobbits are peaceful folk." The wizard continued. "What Frodo and Sam went through as well as Bilbo has been difficult for them to bear. We have no idea the untold horrors they endured and have kept silent about all these years."

"I understand," Legolas told him. " Things were different for Kaitlyn. She did not encounter the torture and hardships the hobbits did."

"Nay. She had the protection of you, Gimli, Aragorn and myself. She has had a thirst for life for she has ultimately had something and someone to live for. She loves very deeply for a mortal, despite all that she has been through."

"Aye." His wife had been through much in her life and still she created friendships, made a place home and found purpose wherever she went.

Mithrandir clamped the end of his pipe within his teeth. "Legolas, do not be surprised if there is resistance to your marriage. Some will not understand. Some will feel you are a traitor to your own kind. Others will believe you have thrown your life and heart away for a mortal."

"They will be greatly mistaken. The length of a person's life matters little to me. The people themselves are what attracts me to them."

"Of course. That is as it should be. I have always loved mortals as well, regardless of the knowledge I will lose them one day. The Hobbits, the people of Rohan, Gondor, the dwarves and so forth. Mortals are full of life because they know they only have one short life to live."

Legolas nodded. He felt sadness in his heart that both he and Mithrandir had known the heartbreak of losing mortal friends.

Mithrandir cleared his throat. "She has not told many souls that the two of you had been pledged all these years. Only her closest friends are aware. Lady Galadriel felt with the unrest it would be wiser until you arrived and your marriage was complete for anyone to know of the bond you two share. No doubt it has already begun to spread like wildfire that the Elven Prince of Eryn Lasgalen (The Wood of Greenleaves) has bound himself to the mortal woman from another realm."

Legolas nodded realizing he would prepare himself for any insults or unkindness directed his way. He would shield his wife from them as Thunin had done. "I appreciate the warning." Then he looked at Mithrandir with curiosity shining in his blue eyes.

"May I ask why you have continued to remain as Mithrandir and you have not regained your appearance as Olorin?"

The white wizard choked on the smoke he was about to release a from his pipe and coughed several times. He arched one brow. "What do you know of such things, Legolas Greenleaf?"

"Very old stories told to me in my youth said that all of the Istari kept the appearance of old men while on Middle Earth and not their true forms." (order of Maiar wizards)

"I arrived in the year one thousand of the third age with several others to oppose a dark shadow that we suspected and later learned was Sauron. An elderly man is easier for mortals to take counsel from than an ageless being that resembles an Elf. It has been easier to keep this appearance for the Hobbits and Kaitlyn. They are used to me as Mithrandir or Gandalf. I did not want to make the transition from Middle Earth to Valinor any more difficult for them. An elderly wizard comforts them. One day I will return to my true form. There is no rush."

Legolas nodded. The wizard's reasoning made a great deal of sense.

Mithrandir raised a brow. "Any more questions?"

Legolas appeared apprehensive. He swallowed hard.

"Have you heard any news of my mother? Have you seen her here?" he asked quietly.

The white wizard sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before gazing at the woodland elf. "She is not here, Legolas." He relayed with great sadness. "I am afraid that whatever she befell on Middle Earth was severe enough that she chose to remain in the Halls of Mandos until the end of time."

The Mirkwood Elf lowered his head as great pain filled his heart.

"I am sorry," the wizard offered softly.

"It was foolish of me to hope." Legolas said softly.

"It is never foolish to hope."

Legolas nodded thinking of the fellowship's hope that Frodo and Sam would succeed their great task. He thought of Kaitlyn. Then another thought filled his mind.

"My father will be devastated when he sails and she is not here." He realized wistfully.

"You must know in your heart that your father will never sail here."

Legolas' eyes grew wide.

"Thranduil is aware that his wife is not here. I know not how he knows this, but he does. It is part of the reason why he will spend the rest of his days on Middle Earth. Hiding away in his forest and caves until Elves are nothing more than a fairy tale."

The woodland Prince gazed down as sadness gripped his heart. "I had a feeling when he told me he was proud of me, that I might never see him again. He was never one for genuine compliments."

The wizard offered a sad smile.

Their conversation ended as Kaitlyn returned with an Elf that Legolas had never met. Mithrandir excused himself and Legolas buried the immense hurt that he would not see his mother. He told himself not to be selfish. He had been reunited with Kaitlyn which was an unbelievable gift. He would tell her about his mother at a later time.

This new Elf was extremely fair as his hair was almost white it was so blond. His eyes were bronze in color. Legolas could tell he was young; less than one thousand years old. There was a great deal of comfort between his wife and this Elf. Kaitlyn was extremely relaxed around him.

"Legolas, I wanted you to meet Lossen." Kaitlyn said, gesturing to the Elf beside her.

"The Elf with exceptional woodworking skills that helped you build and perfect the containment for the fish."

Lossen meant snow in Sindarin. With his hair so very light blond, the name fit him.

"Yes, among many other projects. Lossen, this is Legolas."

The two elves inclined their heads to each other and Lossen bowed his head.

"Kait did not see fit to tell me that it was Legolas Greenleaf she was pledged to. Only that her future husband was an incredible archer from Mirkwood. You are a very fortunate Elf."

Legolas bristled at this Elf's familiarity with his wife. The jealousy hit him like a harsh wind, one that stole his breath away as it was so unexpected.

Kaitlyn did not seem to think anything was out of the ordinary until Legolas spoke. His voice was glacial.

"Kait?"

Lossen frowned immediately at the tone.

"Goheno nin. Thunin, Elslyn and myself had difficulty pronouncing her name when we first met her. She told us to call her Kait. We learned to pronounce her name properly after some time. I have been calling her Kait for so long that the name stuck."( forgive me.)

Legolas nodded and tamped down the jealousy within him. The thought struck him that Kaitlyn had friends here that she had known for over a decade. Longer than he had known her. This knowledge stung.

"Goheno nin," Legolas told the young elf.

"You owe me no apology. I may have reacted in a similar way if she were mine. I have been glad to meet you." Lossen turned to Kaitlyn. "I should be going if I am to make it to your home before sundown."

Legolas frowned. "You are not attending the feast and celebration of our marriage?"

"Lossen offered to take care of the animals and check the nets for a few days while we're here ." Kaitlyn told him.

Legolas nodded and his fingers found and entwined with hers without thought. He suddenly needed to feel her skin against his. Between the knowledge that he would never see his mother, and the realization that the Elves here knew his wife better than he did caused him to seek her for comfort.

Some of the happiness left Lossen's eyes as his glance fell to Kaitlyn and Legolas Greenleaf's entwined hands.

"I could not bear to witness all the happiness as it would hurt my heart." Lossen admitted truthfully.

" Please do not hold resentment against me, Legolas Greenleaf. There was once when I thought I may have had feelings for Kait. She set me straight immediately that she was pledged and her heart belonged to another. I realized it was not love of a future partner I felt for her but the great esteem and love of a good friend. She is easy to spend time with, especially since she is always with Thunin and Elslyn, whom I am very close with. We have held a friendship since her arrival that I cherish very deeply." He glanced at Kaitlyn who gave him a warm, but slightly guarded smile.

" I will admit I envy you both," Lossen continued. " I see and feel the great love you possess for one another. I wish it for myself but it is nearly impossible to find. Most of the Elves here in Calmalos have long been paired off and there are not many of us young folk left. I would need to travel to another settlement to possibly find my mate and I have no desire to do this at present."

Legolas felt compassion not anger fill him at this young elf's honestly. He understood the loneliness of watching those around you marry while you continued your path alone.

Legolas put a hand on his shoulder. "Do not give up hope. I was nearly three thousand when love came into my life."

"No offense to you, I hope I have not that long to wait."

Lossen bowed his head to them both and extended his arm in farewell and was gone.

"What's wrong, Legolas?" Kaitlyn asked after Lossen had gone.

The pale haired Elf turned to his wife. She knew him well for he had carefully schooled his features..

"I'm not talking about your tone with Lossen. What happened while I was off making plans for tomorrow? I didn't want to ask in front of Lossen and I'm sorry that I didn't notice before I brought him over. Trenaro nin." (Tell me)

He stepped forward and drew his wife into his arms. The feel of her warm body against his, the sound of her breathing, comforted him. He looked down into her face and he stroked her cheek with the back of the fingers of one hand before his fingers dove into the strands of her dark hair.

"I have always held onto the hope that I would see my mother reborn in Valinor when I sailed here. I learned today that I will never see her." he whispered softly

Kaitlyn gasped at the pain in her husband's eyes and the devastation in his voice.

"She has chosen to remain in the Halls of Mandos and did not take a solid form again. I had hoped to find her and to invite her to celebrate my arrival and my marriage to you."

"Oh, Legolas. I'm so sorry, meleth nin." ( my love)

Legolas continued to touch her hair. "I also learned that my father has decided to remain in Eryn Lasgalen permanently. He will not sail to Valinor." He smiled sadly at her and noticed tears in his wife's beautiful green eyes. "Like you, I will never see either of my parents again."

The tears slipped from Kaitlyn's eyes and trailed down her cheeks. She rushed forward, drew her husband into her arms and hugged him to her. The tears in her eyes fell and wet the soft suede of his tunic as she pressed her face against his chest and held him. She could not stop herself from weeping at the extreme pain she had seen in Legolas' eyes , the hurt in his voice and the knowledge that like her, he would never see his family again.

Legolas gently pulled back and cupped his wife's face with his palms. His stare was intense as he looked into her tear filled eyes.

He was aware of the Elves preparing for the feast around him and he and Kaitlyn were out in the open where any could see them. He took her hand and guided her into the shadows of one of the nearby structures. His mouth lowered to hers, as he pressed her back into the stone of the structure. He kissed her gently at first and then with great need. He cared little that someone might see them or come upon them. He only knew that he needed his wife to help ease the immense pain in his heart.

He thanked Eru for allowing Kaitlyn to come to Valinor. For without her, he knew not how he would have survived in this place, especially when he knew he would lose Gimli one day.

He gained much in reuniting and bonding with his wife, but had lost his parents forever.

to be continued...