Making a record

Kiri was sitting cross legged on her bunk, a tablet on her lap. She pressed the power button on the side, giving a slight smile as the device flickered to life. A few more taps and she saw her own face appear on the upper right hand corner of the device. She paused for a few seconds, then tapped the screen one last time, a red dot and the text *REC* appearing in the left hand corner.

"So, here we are. This is officially my first video log!" She said to the device with a smile.

She paused, biting her lip. "So, uh, first things first. What's going on and why am I recording videos all of a sudden? Not a terribly Na'vi thing to do after all."

"Well, it's occurred to me that it's been a long six years and I felt like I ought to leave some kind of record. Ordinarily if one of us would wanted to do that we would connect with Eywa and preserve our memories within her. Or we'd do it with songs and stories we told each other. But… neither of those methods are reliable the way things are. Even song cords… what good are those if there is no one left who knows the stories they tell? We could all die tomorrow in a surprise raid from the RDA. That's certainly something I've learned."

"With so much in turmoil, so much uncertain I wanted to try something new to make sure we aren't lost to memory. Then I remembered all the video logs Jake and Grace had made. So I asked for Norm's help in getting started on making them myself. He got me this device, and well… here I am!"

"So… where to begin then?" She mused. "Well, it's been six years since our second home on Awa'atlu was attacked, and we were driven away. Our Mom and Dad got captured… and the Tree of Souls got bombed by the RDA. The Day of Screams they're calling it."

She paused, feeling a heaviness within her. "It's… still difficult to speak of that day, even after this long. So much going wrong, so much lost in a single day. The worst day of our lives. No doubt about it. And the weeks after were just as harrowing. It's something of a miracle we made it through that sane. And… maybe the truth is that we do have our share of scars."

"After all that the leaders of the Sea Peoples were so scared they didn't want to fight back. I remember being so angry about it. I knew they weren't choosing peace, but instead setting themselves up to lose big time. And it turns out I wasn't the only one, because the very next day Lo'ak and Tsireya called us together and told us of the plan they had cooked up: We'd set out on our own, find those who were willing to join us and when we could, take up the war the others were too frightened to fight."

A mischievous smirk momentarily played on her lips. "I can honestly say I didn't need a whole lot convincing. Aonung was a bit more reluctant, but Tsireya managed to convince him to get onboard. Tuk was too young at the time to make the choice, but she jumped at the opportunity even so. And we already knew we weren't going to be leaving her behind anyway, so, fine, she was in… after a fashion. The five of us… we were the beginning."

"It wasn't much of a beginning at first though. Those first few days there were moments I seriously thought we might end up being a lame joke. A bunch of brats that got rebellious but eventually were forced to stop because they couldn't get anyone else to take them seriously. That was until we managed to talk the first few into joining up. It felt so good to have them with us. It proved we weren't just wasting our time. And as our numbers started to grow, it got easier for us.

"I reckon we spent around a month on the island in the beginning, going from village to village. Those that would receive us at any rate. We were turned away from some, especially after they started to become aware of what we were up to. From others we sadly left empty handed. But there were some from which we found new recruits. A few even found us on their own."

"At that time it was mostly youngsters like us. Though one or two more seasoned warriors joined too, because they heard us and thought we were speaking sense. And honestly, once we had them we did consider turning our operation over to proper warriors. But in the end we decided since we had started this, this was *our show* as Jake would put it. We weren't sure someone else would see it through to the end."

"For every success we had we also faced resistance. Village leaders and others who weren't happy about what we were doing, either because they didn't agree with it or because they thought it wasn't right to defy a decision made by a Council of Elders. Dangerous precedents and all that. They certainly had their share of stern words for us. I don't even remember how many times we got called stupid children who wanted to play at war. I suppose we've since proved them wrong, at least in part. We've survived long enough to not be kids anymore. And we certainly aren't playing at anything. No… we know what war is now."

A pause before she continued. "More hurtful though were cases when friends or family came looking for youngsters that had joined us. We didn't force anyone to stay of course, but our recruits had already thought it through once. And rarely did they allow themselves to be second guessed. And when they refused to go and we refused to let them be taken… it rarely ended in a friendly manner. There are few things more heart wrenching than parents made furious because they think we are stealing their children from them."

"When we got to around three or four dozen of us the mood of those opposing us started to change. We were getting noticed, and it started to look like we might actually have a chance of doing what we had planned. I suspect it would have only been a matter of time before one village or the other would have sent their warriors to confront us, to stop us from provoking the Sky People. Feeling that we we're close to wearing out our welcome, I had been planning to suggest we leave the islands behind and return to the forest. But as it happens it was Norm and Mo'at who found us first."

"As one might expect, an RDA gunship unexpectedly swooping down on us gave us a good scare." She said, chuckling. "Almost caused a fight. Luckily we noticed it was flying resistance colors and had a sizeable group of Ikran flying with it."

She allowed herself a smile. "After what was done to the Tree of Souls, knowing High Camp was right next to it, and having no contact with anyone from there since the attack… we'd barely dared hope that any of the people we'd known were still alive. Months of just… wondering. Wondering if we were the last of our family… our clan. How good it felt to find out they had survived, that we weren't all alone… there are no words."

"They found us at a good time. Through them we finally had ourselves a radio and were able to call ourselves enough rides to get all of us out of the islands and into their hideout. Once there we it was time to exchange stories. We were able to tell them what had happened on our end."

"I'll never forget Mo'at's expression when we had to tell her that her daughter had been taken captive. That we didn't know if she was alive or dead. It was not something we could have really prevented and no one was blaming us for it... but I've never felt more like a failure than when we had to admit to that." She added.

"In return they told us how they had survived the bombing. Luckily for everyone Max and Norm had made a habit of tracking RDA starships in orbit, hoping to get hints of RDA activities and resources. And they had noticed one of them was behaving weirdly. Out of the ordinary. They decided to examine it more closely, using the computers in the lab to predict the ships path. About an hour before the attack they had enough information to get a really bad feeling something was about to happen. And recalling the day of the planetfall, they made an ultimately correct guess as to what the RDA was up to. They laid out all their findings to Mo'at and Tarsem and after a lot of effort managed to convince them to order an evacuation. They got out of High Camp in the nick of time."

"Not everyone though." She added, her voice melancholy. "A few were away hunting, patrolling or on missions and didn't get the word on time. Some others simply didn't believe the warnings, not trusting Sky People contraptions to tell the truth even with the backing of the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahik. They thought they were safe where they were, within Eywa's protection. The idea that Sky People might strike in a way that would be impossible to stop was just too terrible to accept."

"Norm said that grandma was reluctant to leave as well. After all, what kind of a Tsahik abandons their clan's most sacred place to save herself? She finally agreed to leave for our sake, for her family. She also knew losing the Tree of Souls would be a crushing blow to the spirit of our people and wanted to be there to do what she could. Though even she could not have predicted the sheer scale of what really happened."

"After the bombing… they were totally in shambles. When everyone was finally told to evacuate they had less than an hour to get it done. Meant that a lot of things had to be left behind. Things were really bare bones back then. Made it harder for everyone, but especially the humans in the Resistance who needed a lot of that stuff to survive here. Our clan and the Resistance stopped all fighting against the Sky People and went into hiding. Just running from place to place, trying to stay alive, hoping they would not be found and destroyed by RDA patrols."

"Survival hanging in the balance every single day… and all the while they had to deal with the aftershocks and emotional baggage of everything that had happened. While we were running around the islands like crazy, trying to survive that chaos, the People here were going through their own darkest hour. I suppose in different ways that was the story of everyone, everywhere on the planet at the time. Looking back, I'm amazed any of us were able to survive." She mused.

"Once they were reasonably sure they were away from the most imminent danger, they attempted to contact Jake, to get his orders for the resistance on what to do. Only then they realized he wasn't answering. That was their first indication that something might have happened on the islands as well. But with everything having just fallen to pieces and the danger still very much real, there wasn't much they dared to do about it for some time. Norm and Mo'at finally coming to look for us was about the boldest move they dared to do since it all started."

"As happy as we were to see them, the people from High Camp were at least as happy to see us. Not only did it mean that some of the Sully family had survived the mess we had landed in, but we had also brought new recruits by the dozen. It was exactly what was needed if the Resistance was to rebuild and turn things around again. So we were all received as the first piece of good news in months. When we told Mo'at, Norm and the others that we wanted to train ourselves and lead our own crew they readily agreed to help us get there. After so much ridicule and condemnation it was… a welcome change of pace for sure."

"Under Tarsem's guidance we were taught the ways of Na'vi warriors, showing the Sea folks with us how to move, survive and fight in the forest. And Norm taught us what he knew about Sky People tactics and strategies, things he had learned from Jake. So we could use them, and stand against them, as we needed. To those willing to learn he also taught how to use guns and other Sky People tech. Not all of us were comfortable with the idea of it, but we really needed every advantage we could get. No new dilemma there that the Na'vi in the Resistance had not gone over a hundred times before.

She paused, a slightly embarrassed look crossing her face. "Though, I have to admit that when I say *we*, I really mean Lo'ak, Tsireya, Aonung and the others. I did my best during training, but it's become clear to me I'm no good in a fight or bossing warriors around. Just don't seem to have the right instincts for it, it seems. I can shoot a bow sure, but even on a good day I'm mediocre at best."

"And don't even get me started on guns." She added, rolling her eyes. "Noisy, dangerous murder-contraptions. I'm far too nervous around them to make proper use of them."

"I'm not terribly broken up over falling short there, though. Lo'ak and Tsireya have shaped up to be the proper leaders of our bunch. Appropriate, since this whole thing was their idea to begin with. I'm perfectly happy to let them get all the attention. Besides, I do have my own special ways of pitching in. I'd even dare to say I've saved our butts a few times out there."

"Once we were older and Norm got confident we had learned enough in our training, he began to let us come on missions. At first as regular warriors in his commands, with more experienced fighters at our side to guide and direct us. But as we gained experience and proved ourselves, he began to slowly move us up the ranks. And today we had our first independent mission without his supervision. Difficult work, but a really big milestone four our group. Now we are finally ready to start taking actions on our own."

"Our first attacks were very modest. Fighting small, isolated groups of soldiers, supporting clans who were having trouble with Sky People, things like that. The kind of raids that would stay in control for certain, so we could hit a target without leaving witnesses or without warnings being given. Because were outside Eywa's protection, secrecy was our only defense. One whiff to our enemy that the Resistance might have survived and they'd come hunt us down in full force. And of course Norm and Tarsem wanted to make sure we weren't given tasks we weren't ready to handle yet."

"But as the years rolled by, us and the Resistance built up confidence, we began to raid more valuable targets. Our mission today was definitely our biggest raid to date. Lo'ak had hoped to make an impression, and so did the rest of us. We may have been keeping things quiet before, but this is bound to be noticed, for better or worse. I hope we are ready for it."

"Though admittedly the attacks from before this had earned us some renown among our own. As we helped different clans and scored some wins for our side, word started getting around, and more began to trickle in to join us. For many different reasons. Some were like us, who could foresee the need to fight the Sky People, and saw our group as the best chance to do so. Those who feel the need to do something, anything, to push back against what is being done to us. Others had lost a lot to our enemy and wanted to get revenge, or at least the chance to go down fighting. Grim thing to fight for, but we accept them all the same. Still more are here because they're hoping for an adventure, wanting to be able to say they faced the mighty Sky People in battle and lived to tell of it. Those are typically from the clans from far away, who don't have to face the Sky People on their own lands yet. They've had to learn this isn't fun and games, just like the rest of us. But with a little bit of luck they'll have some stories to tell their kids and grandkids at least."

"There's a couple hundred of us now. Drawn from all over. We've got Metkayina, Ta'unui, Omatikaya, Tayrangi, Tipani, Salwanahe, Ke'inti, you name it."

She chuckled. "We've even got a pair from a clan called the Alvanii, a brother and sister. They're from the northern ice-caps. And by far the strangest pair to join our ranks to date. I mean, I never thought I'd encounter Na'vi with so much body hair on them. But I suppose they'd have to have it if it's really as cold in their lands as they tell us. They struggle a bit with heat and humidity hereabouts, but we're doing what we can to help them manage."

"That's something we've had to do a lot. Managing differences. People from so many different clans, each with their own customs and traditions. Their own way of looking at the world. And not enough people from any single clan to have a unifying thread the others could adapt into. Keeping it all straight, keeping it balanced… it can get a little bit crazy. But still, I'd say we've done a decent job of making it work, all of us working to find common ground where we can. We're as different from each other as we could possibly be, but I can proudly say all of us are pulling together even so."

She smiled. "Come to think of it, it's starting to feel like we're becoming a clan of our own. The strangest clan on Pandora. Yeah… I kind of like that notion."

But then her expression returned to somber, sorrow creeping into her voice. "I wish I could say our differences as people were our biggest difficulty when it comes to customs and traditions. But we do have other things we have to grapple with. Far worse things.

"The Day of Screams… it shattered us. All of us. Every clan, all over our world. But it's the Great Silence that came after that's really destroying us."

"In these past six years… no one has been able to commune with Eywa. No one has been able to speak with our ancestors. What that means for our people… our cultures are bound within her. Within the voices of our ancestors. Without that… what do we have? So much knowledge, so much history, cut away in a single, cruel instance. So much is changing now. And not in a good way."

"We've heard that there are clans out there that have broken apart completely. Scattered to the winds. Unable to cope with what has happened. Those that remain… they're struggling with finding their place in a world completely changed from the one they've known all their lives. Tsahiks more than any. It's their role to interpret the will of Eywa and convey it to the people. What, then, is their role in a world where none can hear her?"

"There are those that whisper that Eywa is dead. That the blade of fire the Sky People sent against us slew her. That we are now alone, a motherless people. And with that comes a despair unlike any other. There are children born to our clans who have never known Eywa. To whom She is just a story. A lost generation. And if they cannot know Her… then she cannot know them. If we die… can we still return to her? She doesn't answer us, so we do not know. So we are afraid. Children… crying for their Great Mother."

"You can see why I wanted to make this record. I cling to what remains, trying to preserve… something. Anything. Same as all of us. As long as this link remains broken, we're a people with no past. No history. If we don't find some way to fix this… then I fear what may become of us in time."

An almost pained expression crossed her features. "And throughout it all… I have remained the odd one out. Everyone else has had to endure the silence. A kind of keening loneliness that no companionship can fill. But I… I know that she's still here. I can feel Her… so clearly. And I remember the vision I had six years ago. And I wonder… what does it mean? What should I do?"

"I haven't talked to anyone about this. I could've. I should've. But… I'm afraid. Afraid I'd just be ridiculed. That they'd dismiss it as wishful thinking. We all wish for her to come back. To feel her again. So they'd say I want her back so badly I imagine I can hear her. They might say I've lost my mind. And do I know enough to say that they're wrong?"

She trembled. "There is… something different about me. And it's not just that I feel Her presence where no one else can. There is power in me that I don't understand. That honestly scares me to death."

"I mentioned earlier that I have other ways to pitch in. That I've saved us on occasion. I can… feel the plants and animals around me. I can command them, direct them to strike at the enemy. And I don't need to link with them to do it. I can just will them to do things, and they do it. It's something I discovered years ago. And it's been growing within me since. And the scary part is… I could do far more with this than I have done. I feel it. There is so much further I could reach, yet I'm scared to. I don't know how far this might go. Only that it's growing… and growing… and growing. Every day a bit more. If there is a limit to this… I haven't found it yet."

"I… what am I? What am I becoming? What does any of it mean?" She pondered, her voice shuddering, tears appearing in her eyes.

After a moment of wrestling with her emotions she ended the recording abruptly, tossing the tablet to the corner. She buried her face in her hands, taking a shaky breath. She had not meant to end things on such a sour note. For Eywa's sake, she had not meant to discuss herself on that recording at all. But she had ended up taking the conversation there anyway. Perhaps this hadn't been the best idea after all. But what was she to do? Who could she speak with? Who was there for her?

She wished Spider was here. She had always felt she could tell him anything. He would listen, would understand, and would help her see clearly.

But where was he? Was he alive? If so, then where? What had become of him?