King: Kicked another one out during the break. Felt it best to stagger them out though... Don't want to overwhelm you guys~ Though... you may all just be whelmed... As long as you're not underwhelmed, I'll call it a win~ Now, Enjoy this Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Rage Producing Gobbledygook. Next chapter, go!

Inspiration: Sword Art Online Abridged

/\

Without King to pop in and give them a heads up, the screen just filed into the next round.

They saw the interior to a massive, almost alien dungeon of some kind. A large mass of people in various types of armor were huddled in front of a large stone door. Torches flank either side of the massive slab. The man standing in front of the door was dressed in brilliant golden armor. He cut an impressive figure with his sleek shield with a dual-bladed sword sheathed inside the center.

Nora's head tilted, "Is that Jaune?"

Weiss shook her head, "I don't think so. He's not blonde for one."

"Nothing says he has to always be blonde."

"He's been in every other version we've seen."

The man, Commander Leon, stood before his soldiers. "Alright! Now, through a large number of grueling hours of torture, combat, and Pictionary, strangely enough, I was able to secure…"

Nora crossed her arms and smirked, "He sure sounds like Jaune."

"But his name is Leon…"

Sun leaned forward, "Maybe that's his middle name?"

A voice called out from inside the door, "KILL THEM! KILL THE INTRUDERS!"

Leon seemed to freeze in place, his pupils shrinking.

"No one crosses the King of Ashes!"

Leon shook a moment and spun his gaze to his side, "oh my God, Mercury! What did you do?!"

This got Mercury to raise an eyebrow. Hopefully, this would be a better portrayal than every other time.

Emerald was hoping it was just as bad.

The screen snapped to Mercury, dressed in a long dark grey coat. "What makes you think I had something to do with that?!"

The camera moved back to Leon's glare as the voice rang out again, "BRING ME THE HEAD OF MERCURY!"

Another, less imposing voice could be heard, "Sir! They don't leave a head! They just shatter!"

"THEN BRING ME THE SHARDS!"

Mercury chuckled, "I'm sure he could be talking about anybody…"

Emerald sighed in false disappointment, fully expecting something like that from him, "You would be the one to fuck up something like that…"

Mercury groaned, "You're one to talk you little…"

Cinder pinched the bridge of her nose, "Will you two stop…"

Leon sighed, "Alright! Eyes up people, we're going in hot!" He pushed the door in and allowed all the soldiers to charge into the room. It was a giant platform with a staircase on the other side leading up to a door. Other than that, it was empty.

Some of the soldiers looked around, "Where is he?"

"Maybe he's hiding or something."

The camera moved to show one of the soldiers, his eyes slightly pink. There was every possibility he wasn't all there right now… "Wait… maybe this is one of those… metamorphosis things the Commander was talking about."

Leon just groaned at the sheer stupidity of the soldiers he commanded. How they all survived this long was anyone's guess.

Cinder sighed. She could feel his pain. Working with incompetent underlings always angers her. There are more than a few days when she wonders if it's worth it.

"Like… maybe the real boss, was the demons within ourselves…"

"Oh! Like my crippling abandonment issues with my father!"

Yang just stopped. The tone was too out of place in that moment. It just didn't work with what was being said. Kind of funny though.

The camera showed Adam from above, looking up toward something. Fear plastered on his face, "I don't know… Is your dad a giant fucking centipede made of ribcages and hatred?!"

"No… why?"

"Oh… So that's probably not him then!"

The darkness above them started to give way, revealing a massive skeletal creature clinging to the ceiling. Its body was long and covered in many pointed legs. Its arms were formed with giant scythe blades. Its skull was easily three times the size of any of them as it stared down at them with four glowing eyes.

"Sweet shade of Eradicus! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"

Neptune jumped in his chair, clinging to the backing, "Holy shit!"

Velvet passed out sitting up.

Even Cinder shook seeing that monster. She'd seen Grimm of all kinds, but never one that twisted. She wasn't even sure it was a Grimm at all.

A series of green bars filled up next to the creature's head and revealed a name, [The Skull Reaper].

Mercury rolled his eyes, "It's a video game…"

"That's… less intimidating." Neptune settled back into his seat.

Velvet blinked and seemed to be back to normal.

Two of the soldiers up front started to run off as the creature fell to the ground. With one massive swipe, the beast sent them both flying with red, digital marks across their bodies.

Emerald ran out from the crowd. Her attire was a similar gold to Leon's, save for being a dueling coat. "I've got…" As the two reached her, they shattered into sparkling blue shards. "…you…" She looked like she'd seen two people really die.

Mercury couldn't help but laugh. "What's wrong Emerald?"

Emerald just groaned, seeing her counterpart acting so ridiculously.

For all intents and purposes, she had.

This got them all to look up to the screen, not sure what to think.

As the two men shattered, the headsets back in the real world that allowed them to play the game, and keeping them trapped in the game, overheated and scrambled the players' minds with radiation. Both young men would die that night from mass brain damage.

Mercury's smiling at Emerald fell off. "That's fucked up…"

The creature roared at them as Leon held firm. "Calm down! It's not as bad as it seems."

"But sir… those were our tanks!"

"Okay… So, maybe it's in the ballpark. But steady yourselves! And together we have nothing to fear. Together… we've already…!"

The creature convulsed and glitched, breaking apart.

"Won?"

Yang couldn't help but laugh at that.

One of the soldiers' voice rose up from the crowd, "Oh my God… you were right sir! We did it!"

Now Yang just laughed at how dumb the soldiers were. A few others started to chuckle as well.

"Three cheers for Commander Leon! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Hip! Hip! Hooray! HIP! HIP! Hoo…"

"Ugh…" The solders were suddenly on the ground groaning.

Another round of chuckles, but nothing too loud.

They saw Mercury and Emerald sitting on the ground, back to back. Mercury's eye twitched a little, "Leave it to SAO to not only have a boss that glitches out and dies on its own… but doesn't even flag the GODDAMN EXIT TO OPEN!"

A large man sighed in the background. He was muscular, but that's all they could really tell. His head was obscured by a white mask. "After two years… it's not even a monster that does us in. But a game breaking glitch… Can't even starve to death…"

Blake recognized the man's voice as a prominent lieutenant in the White Fang. Couldn't remember his name to save her life, though.

Adam sat up off the ground, "That'd be a mercy…"

Leon tried to keep everyone's spirts up, "Hey… come on guys! Sure… we might be stuck here for a while, but I mean, at least we're playing an awesome game!"

"Awesome? You're kidding right?"

Leon turned toward the soldier talking. "Huh?"

"Come on sir, do you really think any of us would still be playing this if we didn't have a gun to our heads? You've got to admit, sir, this game is kind of a hot mess…"

"A hot mess? Really? That's a little harsh, don't you think?"

"Well what you call a game where players can kidnap NPCs, the crafting system is literally seizure inducing, and our teleport crystals, our only lifeline, do nothing!"

Adam winced. "Yeah… nothing if you're lucky… Sheesh…" A memory came to his mind of a man twisted by glitching. His very body unnaturally forced through itself and the world. His eyes and mouth pulled away from the rest of his being as he cried out, kill… me…

Velvet was out again.

Yang nearly threw up seeing that.

Ruby actually did vomit…

Leon tried to spin it back around, "Okay… So, maybe it has a few 'minor' bugs…"

Ruby looked up to the man in disbelief, "That's fucking 'minor'?!"

Yang and Qrow wanted to be mad. They wanted to reprimand Ruby not to use words like that. But they had to admit, her choice of words was very much appropriate.

"But this is ground breaking technology, we're talking about! Real life virtual reality! Where's your sense of wonder?!"

Mercury sighed, "Hey. I'm with you, old man. I love this game, despite its… shortcomings… but let's be real here. Even if it weren't trying to kill us, this game is a gordian knot of terrible design. Face it… the main reason we all played it at all was that it was the only game when, surprise, Tron suddenly became real."

Leon's eye twitched, "Oh! So now you've seen Tron!"

"Of course I've seen…" Wait… Now?

Flashbacks flowed through Mercury's mind of various interactions with Commander Leon. Various quotes: Go ahead… Make my day. … Gentlemen! You can't fight here! This is the war room! … I used to fuck guys like you in prison. … Suddenly, the Commander fell away to reveal a giant figure in white robes with golden trim, the man that trapped them in the game, "How many of you have seen Tron?"

Ruby puffed her cheeks in anger, "Why would anyone do that?!"

Mercury wanted to know that as well. What did his counterpart just figure out?

Mercury slowly rose to his feet, speaking to himself, "God… I hope I'm right about this…"

Emerald turned toward him, "Hmm? Right about what?"

Mercury went from zero to sixty in a second and his sword point stopped at his commander's neck.

"Mercury! What the hell are… you…"

A purple hexagon stood between Mercury and Leon, the latter of whom was freaking out a little. As the sword fell to the side, it expanded and read [Immortal Object]. Emerald recognized it as the administration system protection. Something no player in the game should have. "Commander… what the hell it that?"

Mercury's eyes narrowed. "The plot thickens."

Leon looked around, "Oh my goodness! This random glitch saved me from this… assassin's blade! Quickly! Subdue him before he strikes again!" His acting skills were the opposite of believable.

"Commander… What. The fuck. Is that?"

"So… that's not gonna fly, huh? Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying."

Mercury smiled, "Do you want to tell them, or should I?"

Leon rolled his eyes, "Oh no! By all means. Wouldn't want to step on your moment!"

Emerald turned toward Mercury, "What the fuck are you two talking about?"

"Well, it turns out the good commander has been hiding something from us. Something so sinister! It would shock you to your very core. For you see! The Commander Leon is really…" Mercury pointed an accusatory finger toward the commander, "Jaune Arc!"

Nora grinned and copied the action on screen toward Weiss, "I told you!"

Mercury's accusation was met with silence. Too stunned perhaps?

"Wat?"

Or not…

Mercury deflated, "What?! Jaune Arc! Creator of the Nerve Gear! The game's designer!"

"Wat?"

"The reason we're all stuck in this death trap of a game for two years!"

"Wat?"

A few chuckles followed that. A particularly jovial one from Emerald, seeing Mercury's moment get destroyed.

Leon/Jaune pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hang on… I got this." A screen popped up behind him, showing a scene from a movie where a man's head explodes like a watermelon.

This had a lesser effect on everyone given its over the top nature.

This got all around to gasp. One even went so far as to actually say, "Audible gasp!"

Yang clutched her stomach in laughter. This was just too funny.

Jaune sighed. "So glad I kept that tabbed…" He turned back toward Mercury, "So, Mercury, tell me. What gave me away? Or did you just plan to keep stabbing everyone until one of them failed to die?"

"It was elementary, Jaune. You see, you're the only person I've ever met in this whole game that makes as many movie references as I do!"

Mercury groaned. He was a fucking nerd in this one…

Emerald laughed at his misery.

Jaune sighed. "Yeah… I guess that would… Wait!" He suddenly perked up again, "You get my references?!"

"Um… yeah. I just…"

"There can be only one!"

"Oh! Uh… Highlander!"

"Who are you going to believe? Me or your own eyes?!"

"Duck Soup! Marx Brothers! 1933!"

"Dry land is not a myth! I HAVE SEEN IT!"

"Oh? Getting tricky huh? While that is attributed to the 1995 film Waterworld, it is never actually spoken in the movie."

Mercury resigned to his fate. This was easily the worst of them all so far…

"Hot damn. You're the real deal!" Jaune started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just… Of course, you'd be the one to figure it out. Strange as it is to say, I've always felt a sort of kinship with you. You, too, know what it's like to grow up a genius in a world that just can't keep up."

Both Emeralds spoke in unison, "Oh… I don't like where this is going."

Mercury, however, was recovering a bit. At least he had that much…

Mercury smiled, "Ah… I'm glad someone finally understands my pain. Got to say though, it's a bit surprising coming from you."

Jaune's smirk never fell. "Oh! Don't get me wrong, that winning personality of yours and your general refusal to go along with my plans have been… let's call it…" He fell to a whisper, "Spiritually taxing."

Emerald smiled a little, "I agree wholeheartedly…"

Mercury glared daggered at her but didn't move for fear of Cinder's wrath.

"but that doesn't mean I don't respect the hell out of you as a player. Though, I have to admit, I never got why you didn't try to form your own guild. I figured, with your skill and intellect, you should have been leading armies! Clearing floor after floor with ease as the great savior of Eincrad."

Emerald still couldn't fathom what she was hearing. Mercury's ego was big enough as it is. "Could you maybe just… Stab me. Right in the gut. Really get it in there, because it honestly sounds less painful than this conversation."

Emerald sighed. "I agree…"

Jaune continued, "But hey! If you were going to just let a prime opportunity like that fall by the wayside, I figured I might as well have some fun and give it a shot myself. And let me tell you… that was easily the worst mistake of my entire life." He chuckled a bit, "Well… second."

One of the soldiers in a golden armor and robes of his guild leapt into the air with his sword drawn, "Die! Arc!" Jaune made a quick gesture on a holographic screen and the man collapsed to the ground. His health bar had a small lightning bolt next to it, denoting paralysis.

Jaune sighed down toward the man, "You see?! This right here has been a perfect little microcosm of the last two years. This… fucking mastermind, not two minutes ago, saw you try the exact same thing to no effect. But, by some herculean leap in logic that we mere mortals could never hope to understand, he totally figured it would work out if he did it!"

They could practically feel the frustration from the screen. If that man really was a representation of his last two years, they could almost understand his outburst. Not so much the trapping them in a game and killing them off part.

Cinder actually felt bad for him. Even her underlings weren't that bad.

"Now I trust that the rest of you have enough pattern recognition not to follow in this man's footsteps… No! Wait! That's goldfish! I'm thinking of goldfish! Better play it safe." Another gesture and everyone else was grounded and unable to move. Save for Mercury who was spared the effects. "Alright… Is everybody comfortable?"

One of the soldiers called up, "I fell at a weird angle and now my foot is behind my ear. And I don't think it's supposed to do that…"

"Fantastic."

"What the hell Commander?" Emerald called out, being held up by Mercury, "Why you paralyze me too? I'm not going to try anything!"

Jaune turned toward her, "Really Emerald? You expect me to believe that? Even like that I'm not convinced you wouldn't try to set me on fire with your mind." A pause. "You're trying to do it right now, aren't you?"

"Stare…"

Cue laughter from the audience.

"Alright! Now that I have your ears, as well as your spines, allow me to indulge myself for a moment, and tell you all what every content creator has wanted to say to his audience. Ahem… FUCK! ALL YALL!"

"Oh yeah… you can tell this'll be constructive."

Nora doubled over in laughter. Even Ren cracked a smile at that. Velvet was back to herself and chuckled a little.

"Do you have any idea what it's been like trying to lead you people?! You ignore all of my strategies, you adamantly refuse to work together, and then you blame me for all of your problems!"

One of the solders interrupted him. "Well, to be fair, sir, you are responsible for at least a few of 'em"

"Ah… Yes. I hear your argument, and… counter point…" He made a gesture and the man screamed. They could hear the shatter effect in the background. "Your dead. Ha!"

Cinder cracked a smile at that. She might have to remember that.

Jaune sighed, "I tried you know. Lord knows I tried. But there's just no helping you people. It's like you crave death. But not just any death! No! You fuckers have a pool going for who can die in the dumbest, most avoidable way possible! And you just keep one-upping each other! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE DIED SCREAMING LEROY JENKINS?!"

Yang looked up at the screen in sheer surprise. "No… No fucking way! Nobody's that stupid!"

"Who's that?" Ozpin looked over toward the students.

Sun sighed. "A guy from a video that charged into a boss raid in a game shouting his own name. He got everyone in the party killed because he didn't listen to anyone."

"MORE THAN ZERO! Which, as far as I'm concerned, is grounds to eradicate the species!"

"At least they had the balls to be here without some stupid cheat code!"

"See! This is what I'm talking about! Which one of you idiots missed what I did to the last…" He now recognized the voice and turned, slamming his shield's point in the ground. "Well there's a shock. Mercury? Are you actually defending these people?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, nobody's saying their potential doesn't top out at assistant manager at Kinkos. I mean… just look at Tyrian."

A man shouted out from the back, "Why am I always the example?!"

This got a few chuckles from the group. Cinder in particular had to hold herself from an outburst.

"But that doesn't change the fact that they chose to be here, even though it could've gotten them killed! Which is just a few magnitudes more than I can say about you…"

"Oh? And prey tell, what can you say about me? No wait! I don't care." He turned away to address all the soldiers. "At any rate! It seems it's time once again to bid you sparkling gems of humanity adieu. But don't worry. For I am a just and benevolent god. I'll be sure to fix the door and let you all out. I mean… eventually. I might watch a movie first. Aw… but which one to choose… That's going to be a day onto itself. Tell you what, I'll get to it when I get to it, how's that sound?"

Mercury smirked, "Well… I can't vouch for everyone, but to me it sounds like, 'wah! Mommy! The other kids were picking on me because my game sucks and my face it stupid!'"

"Oh my God! What do you want from me?!"

"I… would like a rematch."

"Could you not have just said that and not that other bullshit?!"

"Oh… Jaune. You're such a master of pattern recognition, I thought you'd realize, that's just not my style."

A few people in the audience had to admit, it was a good line to bounce his own words about pattern recognition back at him.

Jaune sighed, "You know what? Fine. Stabbing you in the chest sounds fucking therapeutic right about now. What are your terms?"

"A fight to the death. Right here, right now. No bullshit cheats. And when I beat you, you let everyone go free and shut down this dumpster fire of a game."

"Really? You want to end this thirty floors early? Seems a little sudden and anticlimactic."

Everyone in the seats couldn't help but feel like, if this was a series of some kind, they'd agree.

"What's wrong McFly? Chicken?"

"Oh! Yes! Back to the Future! That's what I'm going to watch after I kill you! Let's do this thing."

Emerald used what power she had in her neck to face toward Jaune again, "That's a movie thing? Doesn't sound like a very good one."

"YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH WOMAN! I CAN END YOU WITH A THOUGHT!"

Mercury fell out of his seat in a fit. His laughter echoing out over the room.

"Yikes…"

"No kidding." Mercury sweat dropped, "Word to the wise, don't mess with Zemeckis."

"Oh! Don't even get me started on you!"

Mercury sighed. "We can deal with this later. Right now… I have something to take care of. I'm going to get us out of here…" He set her on the ground and walked toward Jaune.

"Oh yeah! Don't bother facing me toward the fight or anything! Whatever… that's fine."

Nora laughed a little, "They sound like an old married couple."

Mercury drew a second sword from his back and wielded both in tandem. "Oh! And Arc! If I lose, I want you make sure Emerald can't kill herself out of grief." The smirk on his face made his joke clear.

"You think I'd kill myself over you! Oh! Go suck a dick!"

"I believe that's your job now, honey!" Mercury sighed. "I'm going to be hearing about that one later."

Emerald and Mercury were silent. Neither wanted to believe what they'd heard. Both denied hearing the word 'honey' come out of Mercury's mouth.

Jaune chuckled, "Later? That's oddly optimistic of you, given how this turned out last time. I won't judge you if you want to back out now. Well… I might judge you a little…"

Mercury dropped into a fighting stance, Oh… don't you worry about me… This won't be anything like last time. He charged forward, his sword bouncing of Jaune's shield. A follow up attack knocked some of Jaune's health away as he attempted to block again. The two became a flurry of sparks and blood-like digital effects. Neither gave an inch as they fought.

Yang watched on in amazement, "Okay… this is a pretty cool fight."

Nora grinned, "No kidding!"

Mercury was recognizing the pattern. This was the part of the story where he kicked Jaune's ass by the skin of his teeth. He smiled, waiting for the big moment.

Crack! One of Mercury's swords broke on impact with Jaune's shield. "W-what?"

Eyes went wide as the world rang from the impact.

"Well… It's been fun, Mercury. But it looks like this is end of the line. Or, to put it in the vernacular of your people, GAME! OVER!" Jaune swung a glowing sword down toward Mercury, who was too stunned to move.

A burst of red effects flew out as a voice screamed in pain. Mercury watched on as Emerald jumped in the way of Jaune's attack. He moved quickly to catch her, abandoning his broken sword, "Emerald!"

Emerald was racking her brain, trying to figure out why she'd do that, the answer long denied in her mind.

Emerald smiled weakly up toward him as he held her, "Guess its my turn to make you cry… Go on… cry. Cry your little… bitch… tears…" She had to get one more in before she shattered apart and her rapier fell to the ground.

Mercury tried to catch the shards. A part of him hoping he could somehow save her.

Jaune just blinked. "How did she get out of the paralysis? Huh… Going to have to make a note of that when I get back! Power of love may cause paralysis to fail! It's the darnedest thing, that never came up in beta testing."

Emerald sprang up from her seat, "No! Absolutely not!"

Mercury was laughing his ass off again.

Jaune sighed, "You're going to make me say it, aren't you? Fine! I'm sorry I killed your wife!"

"His what?!" Emerald wanted nothing more than to strangle Mercury, Cinder being the only thing to hold her back.

Mercury growled, "You bastard…" He picked up Emerald's blade with a shaking hand.

Jaune smirked, "That's more like it. Come on! Let's do this! Let's finish this thing off right!" Jaune's smiled fell as Mercury stood and swung weakly. He didn't have the strength to fight anymore. "You are just determined to ruin this form me, aren't you?" Jaune knocked Mercury's sword out of his hand. "I bet this isn't exactly the way you'd thought this would end, but, your fate was sealed the moment you challenged me. I'm the god of this world. It couldn't have ended any other way." Jaune impaled Mercury on his sword and watched as he started to fade.

Mercury clenched his teeth, "No…" He mustered up enough strength for one last big move. "I defy your reality! And substitute my own!" Mercury used Emerald's sword to run Jaune through. Both would fall.

Qrow looked up at the screen, "Hmm… poetic…"

Jaune just chuckled, "Nice! Dungeon Master!"

"What? No. Mythbusters. The hell is Dungeon Master."

"Oh… I was so happy for a second there…"

Both shattered into a bright blue light.

Ruby frowned. "That was a sad ending…"

An eye opened in first person. The camera pulled away after a moment to show Mercury standing atop a shining cloud. "Am… Am I in heaven?" A countdown appeared in front of him. "Nope… Heaven wouldn't have a loading screen. This is definitely the other place…"

"Mercury?"

Mercury turned to find Emerald standing nearby.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh! Um… You remember how you sacrificed yourself for me to live on and kill the bad guy? I can safely save I did one of those things."

Emerald started to cry. "You idiot!"

The two ran into one another in an embrace.

"Aw!" Nora smiled. "That's so cute!"

"No it fucking isn't!" Emerald was on a tirade. "It's bullshit!"

This got a few laughs on its own.

When they separated, they looked around. Mercury asked, "So… where are we?"

"I'm not too sure… But I've got a few guesses." She pointed down toward a massive flying castle. The game world known as Eincrad, their life the past two years, was falling apart. "Oh hey! You can see our house from here!"

The camera showed a luxury cabin by a lake falling into a broken world.

"Well that's disappointing."

"Yeah… tell me about it." The screen pulled away to show Jaune nearby. This Jaune actually looked like the blonde they knew, complete with golden, scraggly hair. The main difference being this version wore a lab coat and a pair of glasses. "Hey…"

Coco leaned her own glasses down and whistled. She had to admit, he could pull off the scientist look rather well.

Mercury was surprised to find the game's creator standing there, "Jaune? Is that you? What's going on down there?"

"I'm keeping up my end of the bargain. As we speak, SAO will be wiped from the servers and all remaining players will be logged out of the game."

"But… not in that order, right?"

After a pause from Jaune, he replied, "I'll have to get back to you on that."

Emerald interjected, "As someone you recently murdered, this feels weird to ask, but… are you doing okay?"

Mercury nodded, "Yeah. You look like someone just killed your dog in front of you and is wearing it as a festive hat."

Ruby and Yang were appalled, "What kind of example is that?!"

Jaune sarcastically scoffed, "What? I'm fine. What do I have to feel down about? I'm just standing here watching my hopes and dreams crumble into the uncaring void, thinking about how my business is ruined, and… in all likelihood, I'm now the most wanted man on the face of the Earth!"

"Well… I mean… everyone wants to feel wanted, right?"

Jaune took a breath. "I'm going to miss our chats Mercury. I mean that sincerely. I don't know what that says about me. In any case, I suppose congratulations are in order. It wasn't exactly an outright victory, but at this point I just want this to be over! Consider my plan thoroughly foiled!"

"I've… been meaning to ask about that. That was the one thing I could never figure out. Why did you do all of this?"

Mercury's laughter was dying down. "Yeah… I'd like to know that too."

Jaune chuckled, "You know… it's funny. I can't even remember anymore."

Both Mercury's shouted, "Are you fucking serious?!"

Jaune started to laugh. "Oh my God, no! Can you imagine? Two years and that's what I give you?! Man! that'd be unsatisfying!"

"No shit!" Mercury was getting angry.

Jaune's laughter slowed as he sighed, "No… I did it because of Metacritic."

Both Mercury and Emerald went wide eyed. "The… website?" Mercury couldn't believe what he heard. All this because of a review aggregator?!

Mercury was frozen in shock. Emerald laughed at his disappointment. All was right with the world again.

"You know how it goes. It's a tale as old as video games themselves. You've got a deadline looming for your new console, but your only game isn't exactly playable. So you panic and work for three weeks straight without sleep just to get the damn thing out on time."

"Okay… I follow you so far, but does that…"

"Unfortunately, in your sleep deprived state, you accidently manage to create a glitch that kills players when their avatars die!"

"There it is…"

Emerald, however, didn't take that so well, "Did you say accidently?!"

Everyone was either shocked silent, laughing, or some weird combination of the two.

"Next thing you know, your tutorial NPC is nowhere to be found and players are dropping like Dorito-encrusted flies. Now! In this case, any sane man would shut down the servers before anyone else got hurt. But! Because you've been awake long enough to think the government is run by Flubar, King of the Molemen, you decide to double, triple, and quadruple down! So, you lock everyone in the game, tell them they'll die if they don't finish it, and try to make it look like this all part of your master plan instead of an ever-spiraling series of events that you have long since lost control of."

No one was really ready for that answer. On the one hand, it was so out there it was funny. On the other… it was all very human. A simple series of mistakes…

Mercury summed everything up, "So… You thought that critics would b harsher on a game that killed a few people accidently than one that killed thousands on purpose?"

"That was my thought process yes."

Emerald's response was shared by a few in the viewing seats, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Jaune turned toward them a moment, "Hey! Cut me some slack alright! Can either of you even begin to imagine five hundred, uninterrupted hours of consciousness?! Forget molemen… about half way through I thought I saw the face of God! Until I realized it was just the night janitor, King… On the plus side, gave him a hell of an ego boost. Man was riding that compliment for days."

Yang caught that, "Hold up! King? Like… the magic ball that pulled us here?"

Ren shrugged, "It would stand to reason he has other versions of himself in other realities as well, wouldn't it?"

"I guess… still weird."

Mercury chimed back in, "Great tits of Ganesha, man, why didn't you ask for an extension?!"

"You honestly think I didn't try that?! The publisher wasn't having it. 'It's already been delayed twice' they said! 'It's a big open world, nobody's going to notice a few glitches'!"

Emerald nodded slowly, "Fair enough… But, why did you pretend to be Leon?"

"Remember that first month when two thousand of you died without clearing the first floor?"

Emerald and Mercury proceeded to fully acknowledge the monumental fuck up that was that first month.

Nora smiled a little, "So… he's wasn't really a bad guy, just a few… pretty big mistakes…"

"Well, I couldn't exactly say 'oops, my bad' at that point, but I had to do something to help. Despite my earlier outburst, I never really wanted to hurt any of you."

"You killed a man for mildly sassing you!"

"I think I've made it very clear that I'm not exactly the picture of grace under fire! Besides, that guy was in the mafia, that's like a free-be."

Nora chuckled, "Very Jaune…"

Pyrrha sighed, "Thought not as extreme, thankfully."

Yang thought back to the man's voice when she heard mafia. No doubt in her mind… That was Junior.

"But… If you want to know the whole truth, as long as this slow-motion train wreck kept going, I could use you guys as hostages to keep the feds off my back until I figured a way out of this mess! Not that I ever did…"

Emerald replied, "Why not just blame it on some hacker group pretending to be you. Would have made more sense than the truth and its not like you had any kind of motive."

Jaune laughed, "Okay… Emerald, the problem with that… is that it's and excellent idea that I wish I'd thought of two years ago… Well, on that sobering note, I'm going to go scream into that uncaring void for a while… Can't say it was nice knowing you two, but you're both the dictionary definition of lesser of two evils at this point." Jaune turned and walked off with a wave. "Have fun while you still can…" The screen faded to white. That was the day SAO was brought down. People were finally free to return to the real world after two long years.