King: Oh my God. Favorited by JC of the Corn! I think he started this movement of reacting to Jaune-based worlds. If not, he's the famous one everyone credits. This is big for me. But you're not here for me to gush or brag... You're here for a fic chapter. So, enjoy~!

Inspiration: Team Fortress 2

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The intermission was rather uneventful. It was used to let everyone cool down from the last reality. When everyone was level headed again, they returned to their seats. The screen came to life, an escape to another realm.

The scene opened to an old valley. A rocky land with dead trees and a lot of moss on the cliff face. A single crow hopped along one of the large boulders, its head darting around. An explosion rocked the ground, the crow flew off, and a pair of mercenaries jumped down from the rocks. The first was Neptune in a red shirt and cargo pants with running shoes. The second being Yang with an eyepatch, demolition gear, and stuck in a wheelchair with a cast on her right arm.

Neptune slid down the rock, "Move cyclops! Move!"

Then the rain of fire and bombs came into view, crashing down around them as they ran. One round landed near Neptune's foot, causing him to fly forward and onto the ground. He clutched his gut and looked up toward the sky to see three artillery rounds falling toward him.

"WOAH! WHO THE…?!" His yell was cut off by an explosion powerful enough to send him flying. He seemed to impact the screen, cracking the glass. "Medic…"

Ironwood was beside himself, "How is he still alive?! Three artillery shells should have reduced him to chunks and puddles at best!"

Ozpin was about to sip from his coffee, but lost his willingness to drink, "That's rather morbid, James…"

"Morbid, but reality! Those shells should have destroyed him! How is he still alive?!"

An answer, they would not have. But Neptune peeled off the glass as a dove appeared on the inside, just in front of the audience. The camera pulled back and into what was either a laboratory or a makeshift medical center.

"No! No more!" They could hear Coco crying out from the central area within.

Velvet felt a shiver run up her spine. Coco was easily the strongest person she knew. To reduce her to crying out like that… What horrible things must be happening?!

Then they heard Coco's laughter.

Velvet felt better but was now confused.

"Wait! Wait… It gets better!" Jaune's voice echoed next to her.

The screen finally showed them both. Coco was lying on a medical chair, her lower torso cut open, but she didn't seem to mind. Dressed in a dark ballistic vest and red shirt with military slacks and boots, Coco showed signed of the fighting outside with bullet holes and some cuts. Jaune, who dressed in a white shirt, tan vest, similar military slacks, and a pair of rounded glasses, was standing next to her with her actual heart in his hand. A strange device sat above them with a strange red energy flowing out.

Coco felt her eye twitch. "How… How in the hell…?"

Velvet blinked in shock. "Her heart… But…"

No one could even begin to understand how she was alive right now.

Jaune continued his story speaking with a distinct accent, "When ze patient woke up, his skeleton was missing! And ze doctor was never heard from again!" Jaune burst out into laughter at the end.

Coco took a moment, processing the end, then followed suit soon after, slamming her palm into the side table.

Now it was Yang's turn to be bewildered, "What kind of punchline was that?! What's the story? What kind of joke would lead to that?" A small paper ball hit the back of her head and tumbled over into her lap. Inside was written, [It's called dark humor, Blondie. -N]. Yang turned to see Neo deliberately ignoring her.

As the two started to calm down, Jaune placed his hand on his forehead as he leaned onto the table. "Anyway… That's how I lost my medical license."

This got Neo and Roman to burst into laughter. Well… half of that is true, anyway. But laugh they did. They clearly recognized that both as a truth and the punchline to outsiders.

Coco was a little mad, "What do you mean you lost your medical license?! No wonder I'm cut open, and you're doing NOTHING!"

Yang had a nervous smile on, "I think this is the first time you've gotten invested and not commented on outfits."

"Because I'm quite literally spilling my guts on that table!"

The screen was now close enough to see to that Jaune wasn't wearing gloves, at that his red hands were actually covered in Coco's blood.

Velvet felt sick. So much was wrong with that if Jaune was the medic Neptune had asked for.

A dove popped up from Coco's open gut, catching both of their attentions.

"Archimedes! No!" Jaune waved off the bird, "It's filthy in zere. Uck." When Coco turned to him, he let out a little chuckle, "Birds…"

Raven and Qrow felt a little attacked, having often been the birds that got that reaction. But, they let it go almost immediately, the initial reaction being one of habit.

Jaune grabbed a device with three prongs from another tray, "Now… Most hearts can't withstand zis voltage." He stuck the device into Coco's heart.

Coco clutched at her chest, "Good gods, what is that thing?"

Jaune reached to the side to grab the energy spewing device which was a proto-type Medigun, a long-range energy transfer device capable of healing injuries and repairing all damage. By keeping the device on Coco, she would be able to survive without her heart as the Medigun will regulate her internal biology.

Coco paused her ranting. "That's… actually kind of cool… and explains why I'm not dead…"

Jaune turned to the side and placed Coco's heart with attached device into the stream, "But I'm fairly certain your heart should…" Bang! Coco's heart exploded on contact with the beam. A chunk of said organ flew off and smacked Archimedes off a perch with two other doves.

Coco froze with a similar shocked expression to the Jaune on screen.

Roman chuckled a little, "No one told me the kid was real heartbreaker!"

Yang wanted to kick herself. She didn't think of that one… But it was also kind of dark and that wasn't really her style.

The Coco on the table hadn't seen the event, being blocked by Jaune's body, "What was that noise?"

Jaune gathered himself rather quickly, "Ze sound of progress, my friend~!" Jaune kept the beam on Coco, scraped the rest of her old heart off the device, and walked over to his fridge. He opened the appliance to find a larger, more study heart for a transplant. He found his experimental heart labeled [Super Baboon]. "Ah~ Perfect~" He picked up the organ, revealing the severed head of Emerald behind it.

Emerald placed a hand at the base of her neck. "Well, that's disturbing."

Emerald's head was strapped to a battery of some kind. Suddenly, she looked out toward the screen, "Kill me."

"Later."

Mercury started to laugh a bit. The scene was gruesome, sure. But 1) he didn't care. And 2) it was pretty funny.

Jaune closed the fridge before standing up again, smiling. "Where was I?" He placed the device on the new heart, which was more difficult than before, "There we go~" He placed the heart into the stream of healing, "Come on. Come on!" He started to laugh, going full mad scientist as the heart started to beat.

Penny knew that people called her father a mad scientist, but if they saw this, those people would say he was a saint.

Coco let out a few nervous chuckles. She'd served with Jaune for a while now and used to his antics. But the doctor couldn't help himself but to experiment for 'the advancement of mankind.' He kept her and the team alive, though…

Ironwood was disgusted to learn this medic was military. Mercenary or not, it was painful to have any form of connection to the military.

Jaune stopped laughing and looked away as the heart started to glow. They saw Archimedes return to his perch with splotches of blood on his feathers. The screen snapped back to Jaune holding a glowing, almost metallic-looking red heart. "Oh, zat looks good~" He dropped the organ onto Coco's guts. "Very nice, here!"

Coco looked down toward the heart, "Should I be awake for this?"

Jaune chuckled twice, "Well… no. But, so long as you are, could you open your ribcage a bit? I can't seem to…"

Coco cried out in pain. The combination of her strength and the larger heart being forced into her chest ripped a rib out of place and into her hand.

Coco blanked. She'd broken a rib in the past, but never snapped it off! She could only imagine how much that must hurt, let alone the lasting damage overall.

Jaune placed a bloody hand on Coco's shoulder, taking the rib in the other, "Oh… Don't be such a baby. Ribs grow back…" He tossed the bone behind him.

Oobleck had enough. "Okay! No! This version supposedly had a medical license, and therefore medical training and education. He should know that large bone structures DO NOT, in fact, regrow after being completely removed!"

Jaune turned to his machine, with Archimedes sitting on top. He whispered to his bird, "No ze don't."

Port raised an eyebrow, "Okay… So, he knows the medical reality, but told her a lie to comfort her?"

Oobleck wasn't having it, "I can understand the need for sparing emotions and preventing panic, but YOUR HEALTH should not be something a doctor lies about! Ever!"

"Fair point."

Jaune took the machine in his hands and focused the beam on Coco. As the healing beam started to glow brighter, Coco's body started to heal at a rapid pace. Muscles reformed, blood vessels reattach, skin heals, and even her clothes are repaired. Coco was good as new in seconds.

Everyone was shocked to see such efficient and effective healing. Even aura had limits and would take a long time to heal a whole in the body that size. But this device patched her up in seconds! All involved wanted the device to be real. Some to save lives, some to patched themselves up after a bad plan.

Coco patted her chest and took a breath, testing her new heart as it beat inside her. "What happens now?"

"Now?" Jaune took her hand and let out a sinister chuckle, "Let's go practice medicine~"

Ruby groaned, "I don't think I like how he said that…"

Tai winced, "Yeah… No kidding."

Military drums accompanied Jaune as he snapped on his red rubber gloves, put on his medical coat complete with red and gold cross patch, placed a power pack on his back, and readied his latest Medigun. Large blast doors opened, revealing Jaune walking in slow motion with his Medigun as doves surrounded him, fling off in various directions.

Roman nodded, "Got to hand it to him, guy knows how to make an entrance."

After a moment, Coco ran out beside him with a massive minigun in her hands and an ammo belt over her shoulder. Before them was a hellscape of death. Red teammates pinned down or retreating, Blu team turrets and soldiers making it impossible to move. They could see Yang rolling her wheelchair down the landscape toward them crying out, "MEDIC!" An explosion ripped apart the ground beneath her and sent her flying forward.

Yang had to take a moment. "Hold up. I just noticed this… I have bandages around half my head but under the eyepatch…"

Weiss rolled her eyes, "Sounds like something you'd do as a joke."

"Good point."

Jaune adjusted his glasses and activated his pack. He pushed the top lever forward on his Medigun and allowed the improved healing stream to track toward Yang. In seconds, Yang was standing up and tore her cast off, tossing it with the no longer broken arm. She smirked and picked up her grenade launcher, getting back into the fight. Jaune turned and activated the machine again on the still prone Neptune. Neptune appeared from the lower screen with a black eye and a missing tooth. His head shook and he smiled, ready again. His tooth even reformed, complete with a sparkle effect for good measure.

Sun turned to the Neptune next to him, "How do you do that, anyway?"

Neptune shrugged, "It just kind of happens."

Nora hopped up and placed her hands on Sun's head, forcing him to lurch forward, "So that is real!" She jumped back to her seat and smiled, "I told you Ren!"

Neptune jumped up, kicking his bat up into his hands. He ran toward the fight an clocked a Blu soldier square in the jaw. Coco had run up behind cover. She may be something of the team's tank, but even she could only take so much punishment.

Coco peered out into the battlefield and saw the wave of Blu running toward them. "Doctor!" She turned back toward Jaune, "Are you sure this will work?!"

Jaunes laughed, "I have no idea~!" Jaune flipped a switch on his pack, causing the needle to move toward the word [Uber].

Coco shook in anger, "Why do they put up with him?!"

Coco was wary, but she'd trusted Jaune for years by this point. Whenever no one else needed healing, they were always a team. Coco and Jaune, Heavy and Medic. Coco would take the hits and deal the damage while Jaune would heal her up and watch her back. They'd saved each other's lives more often than she could count. She jumped out from the cover and into the healing beam.

Coco took a breath and sunk into her seat. "Okay… Maybe that makes sense… But I'm still more than a little skeptical."

Winter glanced toward the fashionista, "You'd be surprised. Many bonds formed under fire will last lifetimes."

Coco screamed out as her body went into overdrive. An explosion went off in front of her, obscuring the scene. They could hear Coco laughing from within the smoke. She stepped forward, revealing her body had the same metallic red effect as the heart had earlier. She let out a manic laugh, "I AM BULLETPROOF!" Bullets ricocheted off and rockets bounced off without exploding. Coco was invincible as she slowly marched forward, tearing down the Blu soldiers with her minigun.

Coco's eyes went wide. It was no secret her weapon was cumbersome and large, making it difficult to move quickly. But the ability to become invincible while firing? That was incredible! This Jaune might be insane, but he was smart.

Jaune ducked down and followed her down the line. Working together, the two ripped through soldier after soldier. Soon, they created a massive pile of bodies. The two walked up the pile, over the Blu bodies, to a vantage point. Jaune stepped atop a soldier's helmet with four general's stars and took his place at the peak of the bodies. The clouds above them had parted, allowing Jaune to be washed in light.

The team photo returned with the new roster and the same jazzy tune.

Penny frowned, "He is rather unethical, but he is very effective…"

The screen changed to show the rest of the team waiting outside Jaune's lab/surgery room. It panned over each person: an older version of Oscar playing a guitar, Emerald looking a piece of paper, a masked Cinder playing with a lighter while reading a magazine, Winter standing at attention, Yang drinking from a bottle, and Ruby napping in her chair.

Qrow chuckled, knowing full well the Yang on screen was drinking from a whiskey bottle. "She really is family." He raised his flask in a toast.

They could hear Jaune in his room, "Zat looks good… Very nice here…"

A moment later, they could hear Neptune. "Hey! Thanks doc." Neptune burst through the door, "Oh man~! You would not believe…" He placed his hands over his heart, "… how much this hurts." His chest seemed to move slightly, and they heard a dove's coo.

Jaune, in the background turned to the door, "Archimedes?!"

The screen cut there.

Neptune groaned. "How do you mess that up?"

Sun patted his friend's shoulder, "I'm sure he removes it."

"He better…"