King: Word to the wise, do not tilt the Hoovy! The Hoovy is your friend. Eat Sandvich and stop being tiny babies. If it wasn't obvious before, it better be now!

Inspiration: Team Fortress 2

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With that mass of insanity done, the group started to wish for something lighter. Truth be told, it wasn't like this was that dark, they just didn't want another round with Jaune as the bad guy and/or dying for a while. They knew it would come up again, it always did, but some kind of reprieve would be nice. The screen heard their pleas and, for the first time in its weird life-thing, decided to show mercy without King making it. Granted, this was the screen, so that mercy was both blessing and curse as it judged each world on its standards. And if it wasn't clear yet, that was a very dangerous standard.

The new scene opened to show a small base by the side of a desert road.

Ruby's head tilted to the side, "Okay? So, what's this one?"

Weiss sighed, "I just hope it's something normal…"

The camera moved forward, swaying with steps, as it approached the door. A hand reached out and hit an intercom button by the door. "Excuse me?" The voice sounded familiar.

Ruby racked her brain, "I've heard that voice before! Who is it?!"

Glynda, however, could place the voice. "Lisa Lavender, a reporter from Vale."

"That's it!"

The intercom answered her, "Hello? Who are you? Hell are you doing out here?" Now this voice was easy to place. Nora Valkyrie.

Nora giggled, eager to see what position she took in this story.

"My name is Lisa Lavender! If I can, I'd like to interview you and your team."

"Alright. Wait! You're not a spy, are you?! You French, girly?!"

"Um… No."

The door suddenly snapped open, revealing Nora. She was dressed in a red jacket and dark pants, iconic of her place on the team. She also had a helmet on her head that occasionally covered her eyes, "Welcome in~!"

"Thank you?" They couldn't see it, but they knew all too well the kind of face Lisa had, confusion. Sheer confusion. "Right… So, if I can, I'd like to interview you."

Nora held up her hand, "No can-do missy! I've got to address the troops!"

"Troops? Aren't there only nine of you?"

Ren smirked, "Knowing Nora, she's likely set up a mini army of rocks out back."

Nora giggled, "Probably~" It did sound like the kind of thing she'd do if she ever got her hands on a uniform like that.

"Regardless! You'll have to start with someone else! Try Jaune. He's usually around." With no other words, Nora ran off and left Lisa alone.

Lisa was now alone in the headquarters of the infamous Red mercenaries… "The things I do for journalism…" A strange sound caught her attention and camera swung around to a strange device on the floor.

A moment later, and a one-eyed Qrow popped in out of nowhere on top of the device. "WOO!" He chuckled, hand raised with a beer bottle and a case under his other arm. He chuckled before losing his grin. "Uh… Hello?"

This got a couple chuckles out of Ruby.

Winter, however, just saw this as another nail in Qrow's character coffin.

"Um… Hi. I'm here to interview all of you for the local…"

Qrow started to drink from his bottle, finishing it quickly. "Yeah? -hic- Good fa you… I'm too drunk. Go to someone else."

"You're always drunk…" The voice of Winter called out from inside the base. The camera spun around to show her in a sharp red suit. "Apologies. But We are quite busy. I'd like to ask you to leave."

Lisa, and by extension the camera, jumped as a hand hit her shoulder. The camera spun around to find Ren.

Nora giggled. This version of Ren wore a pair of overalls and a hard hat. He looked like a construction worker or something.

"Sorry about them. But we need to do our jobs."

"And I need to do mine!" Lisa tried to argue the point.

"I get that. I'm just saying we're busy. But, I think you can get one interview in. Jaune should be free today."

"Okay… Where is he?"

Ren motioned for her to follow him. He led her to a backroom storage, notorious for being Jaune's haunt. "I'll go get him. Just wait here and I'll be right back."

Ironwood growled, "If I had a nickel for every time some moronic reporter got themselves held hostage like that, I'd be a rich man."

The sound of the door creaking open snapped Lisa to attention to see an absolute behemoth of a man walking in. He was easily 7 feet tall and build like a brick wall. His blonde hair was shaved down and his eyes were narrowed. Safe to say, very intimidating.

Coco let out a whistle, "Damn. You sure that's supposed to be Arc and not, like… a blonde Yastuhashi?"

Velvet shrugged, "I could see that so far…"

Jaune walked over and pulled a folding chair off a rack by the door. He placed it down and motioned for her to take a seat. Once she was, he placed a large box in front of it. He returned with another chair, only to be caught off guard when he heard a growling sound.

Lisa cleared her throat, "Sorry. I've been trying to find this place for so long, I forgot to pick up something to eat… Now, about your interview-?"

Jaune moved out the door without a word. After a minute, he returned with a sandwich on a small plate. He placed it down in front of her, "Eat." His voice was clearly that of Jaune (so, not a blonde Yatsu), but also deeper.

"Oh… Thank you, but I can just get something after I leave." Her stomach, however, disagreed.

A couple snickers followed, they could also feel the blush on her face from that.

Jaune tapped the side of the plate. "Eat. Is good for you. Help you grow large." He flexed his arms to emphasize his point. Now that he'd said more than one word, they could hear his accent.

Blake raised an eyebrow, "Never heard that one before."

Weiss sighed, "I have, back in Atlas. It's the kind of thing you hear from the people that live in the northern-most parts of the Kingdom's reach. Sometimes beyond it."

Ruby turned to her partner, "Isn't it really cold that far out?"

"Unbelievably. But people have found ways to manage."

Lisa, knowing there was no way out this, picked up the sandwich and took a bite. "Thank you."

"Is fine. Sandvich is good for everyone."

"You're quite friendly, aren't you?"

"I do what I can."

Pyrrha chuckled to herself, "Definitely something Jaune would do."

Lisa finished the sandvich, taking a breath before addressing Jaune again, "So, I'm here to interview you if I can. My first question for you, Jaune, is what do you do here in the Gulch?"

Jaune stood up from his chair and walked off to the back of the room. He returned carrying a large minigun, bridal style, and placing it on the makeshift table between them.

Ruby's eyes went wide, "WOAH! Look at that! A gas propelled minigun with a great framework! It looks well taken care of, too!"

Coco grinned, always appreciative to meet someone else with good taste in weapons.

Jaune sat back down and pulled his chair in. "I am heavy weapons guy." Jaune looked down to his gun and grinned, "And this…" he clutched the handle on top, "is my weapon."

Yang chuckled, "Kind of reminds me of Ruby."

Blake and Weiss nodded.

Ruby didn't notice, still gushing over the weapon.

"She weighs 150 kilograms…"

Coco turned to Velvet, who sighed, "A bit over 330 pounds."

"…and fires 200-dollar custom dual cartridge rounds at 10,000 rounds per minute~"

Ruby gasped, having never even heard of custom ammo! There was dust rounds, but that's no different to just different types of ammo. But truly custom, usable nowhere else, kind of ammo?! That was insane! "I want one!"

Coco grinned, "Same here. I may have to make some adjustments."

"It costs 400,000 dollars to fire this weapon for twelve seconds."

Ruby went stiff. "Don't want it anymore!"

This got a few laughs, but only from those that didn't care as much about the numbers. Those that caught the cost were all stunned into silence.

Lisa was just as shocked, saying nothing for a moment.

Jaune started to laugh, "But look on reporter's face is priceless~!" He broke out into uproarious laughter.

Port chuckled, "At least he has a good sense of humor."

Jaune started to slow his laughter and calm down again. He took a deep breath as his hand fell to his gun. He ticked the barrel along its path for a second before his face suddenly turned to shock. "Oh my God, who touched Coco…"

Velvet was wide eyed and grinning, "He named… his gun… Coco?"

Coco was just surprised. "Okay… Not what I was expecting."

"Alright…" Jaune stood up, his shock turning to anger, "WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!"

Yang burst out into laughter, "Oh man! Now it really does sound like Ruby!"

Said sister was indignant, "Yang! I'm not that bad!"

"You almost bite a guy's hand off for reaching toward your scythe."

Tai thought back to the event, "Oh yeah! I remember that. She'd just build her weapon."

Ruby groaned, "I just didn't want Crescent Rose getting ruined…"

Jaune stormed toward the door, "I SWEAR, IF EITHER OF YOU TAMPERED WITH COCO I WILL RIP YOUR TINY BABY SPINES OUT OF YOUR PUNY BODIES!" He slammed the door on his tirade, leaving a large crack on the wall from the impact.

Lisa waited in the room, shaking as she heard the sounds of screaming and bones breaking. She contemplated leaving before Jaune returned, seemingly calmed again. "Um… Was that a good idea? They're your team… Aren't they?"

"They will be fine. Doctor Velvet will patch them up good…"

Velvet blinked. She recognized the pattern that this world followed. Which means she was the Medic from the last time. She was the crazy psycho doctor! That was a fun mental image…

"Right… And the team opposite you all have the same abilities?"

"As far as I am aware."

"So… what's stopping them from just patching themselves up after your attacks?"

"They always come back, but we can delay them. Push them back like the tiny babies they are. We don't need to finish them off, just keep them back long enough to steal intelligence."

"That's… rather wise. You're quite intelligent."

"I have doctorate in Russian Literature."

Oobleck gasped, "He's a doctor?! I had no idea!"

Port chuckled, "Judging books by their covers, Bart?"

"Hardly. His work is that of a mercenary. I made an inferred judgement based on this, believing that none of them possessed such educations. Though, I am happy to be wrong."

"How often do you use that education? I mean… Your job is just to hold down the trigger, right?"

"It comes up more often than you think. We need to think faster than most. Outsmart any one…" Jaune started to gaze off into the world. "Most people think they can outsmart me. Maybe… maybe…" He took a quick sniffle before turning back to her. He held up one of his rounds, "I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

The door creaked open, revealing Velvet, dressed in the combat medic uniform, "Jaune. We need you on the front line." She spoke with the same kind of accent Jaune had when was the Medic.

Jaune nodded, placing the bullet back on his bandolier, "Interview is over." He picked up his gun and walked out.

The camera uncoupled from Lisa's perspective and showed the interior of the room over Jaune's shoulder. Lisa stood and bowed her head, "Thank you! Both for your time and the food."

Jaune closed the door and walked with Velvet. The medical officer raised her eyebrow, "You shared some of our food?"

Coco snickered and elbowed her partner, "Looks like you're the Heavy/Medic team this time~ Bet they've got some crazy memories."

Velvet blushed, but kept her calm, more than used to Coco's teasing.

"She hadn't eaten. Sandvich is good source of protean."

"Fair enough." Velvet picked up her Medigun and grinned, wiping off a bit of blood with her gloved thumb. "You ready?"

"I am always ready, Doctor."

"Good~" Velvet pulled her guns lever and set the healing stream on Jaune. They both walked out and into the warzone.

Jaune roared out as he crested the hill into the canyon. He let out a mocking cry before laughing. "CRY SOME MORE!"

The screen went black as he echoed, "Cry some more~"

The scene wasn't as dark as the previous variations, and thus got a chunk of the audience to laugh. It was interesting seeing Jaune as the wall of pain. The tank, if you will. Pyrrha, however, got to thinking. Jaune had a large aura pool… He may try to act in a tank roll… Something to deal with in time.