30/08
Pain, pain, pain all over; god, it hurts even just to write. Holy hell, just what the hell is wrong with that crazy woman?
Shit, no wonder the Cu's and twins were so goddamn good, because getting trained by a monster like her, you either die or get good.
Tried asking the twins how to handle her, but all they gave me were pitying looks and pats on my shoulders.
Pricks
31/08
So I got a surprise party for me earlier; it was weird until OG Alexander slapped me on the back and joyfully told me it was my baptism into the crazy building known as Chaldea. It was a little sweet, I'll admit, though I didn't go all out knowing the last time what happened.
I did chat up with most of the people there as they asked plenty about my short adventure, laughing and enjoying the atmosphere of the party. Though the EMIYAS had a weird look when I talked about the weapons I used on the vampires, I shrugged and hoped Da Vinci wouldn't go crazy on the new gear we "acquired."
Still, other than the usual shenanigans and a food fight that was started by Yan Qing of all people, I did enjoy myself, especially having some private time with Quetz, where she wore her samba outfit yet again.
My hips are still in pain, but boy, I did have a megawatt smile on my face as I kept writing this.
02/09
So, I have once again been somehow shuffled into another role where I am now a guinea pig for Caster Da Vinci's new toys we raided from the Universal Soldier Singularity. It was kind of fun playing with the guns alongside Billy the Kid and EMIYA (Kiritsugu) as we put the new weapons through their paces. Sure, the only ones that might use these were probably the Masters, but I think it was nice that I would get a chance to test these bad boys.
Da Vinci managed to slim down the weapon to be more manageable to carry while giving the bullets and HE rounds a bit more oomph in power. She even managed to use Magecraft to give the grenade launcher a bit more variety, such as freeze rounds, napalm, electric stun grenades, smoke, etc.
She even made a pistol version of the gun, and when I first saw it, I thought it looked like the Lawgiver from the 2012 Dredd movie. It even got the fingerprint protection and voice recognition to change the special rounds loadout. I thought it was sick as hell, which made the genius preen like a peacock.
The armor was also upgraded using Runes turning it into a high-grade Mystic Code that could tank anything short of a point-blank tank round. Sure it isn't going to stand up to a dedicated Servant but it's more than what the twins were using due to the strength of the material used. Da Vinci said she needed a few more days to finish the nanobots she got from Squid's place, but I shrugged, knowing it was for the twins, as I helped her set the machine that used to house the SETH AI where she was about to use it as a glorified data storage container.
I'll admit it got a chuckle out of me, and if an AI had a full-on soul in that Singularity, I knew SETH would be rolling in his grave.
04/09
So…the kids may have started something I wasn't sure I could hope to control. See, I was in my room since it was the day off and started playing some games on my laptop, and somehow Alice came into my room without me knowing until she was looking over my shoulder.
It startled the hell out of me as she curiously stared at the game I was playing. Apparently she was playing hide and seek with the other kids and Gudako when she decided to use my room as a hiding spot before noticing me lying on my bed. She stared wide-eyed as I was playing Empire at War with the Thrawn's Revenge mod on my bed.
Seeing no harm in it, I had her watch me play the game for a while, her eyes shining in intrigue at all the starships in the game. I chuckled explaining some of the ships I was using, and she seemed to have a gleam in her eyes, which I did not fully like. The next thing I knew, she burst out of the room and ran to grab Gudako, who in turn got some crazy idea in her mind as she then grabbed my laptop and sprinted out of my room to who knows where.
Leaving me with almost nothing to play with as I write this and a very bad feeling something crazy is gonna happen soon
05/09
So, I figured out what happened to my laptop, and I have no idea if I'm going to like this or not. See, Gudako took my laptop to Da Vinci (Rider) and BB and decided to use the Empire at War game to convert it into a legit wargame for Chaldea to play. To be honest, I didn't have an idea what she was talking about until she explained that they could download the game and use the 3D training room to turn it into a VR RTS game where you also can go first person to either pilot or be boots-on-the-ground soldiers in FPS-style combat in a multiplayer Galactic Conquest.
The kicker would be letting the Servants have fun as well by having a limited amount of them be part of the Hero's Roster with their skills integrated to fit the game.
…to be honest, it sounded kinda fun, but I wasn't sure if it was possible, which I pointed out, but I think that just spurred these people on as Gudako burst out of the room and dragged Hakuno, the other Moon Cancers, and most of the Casters to help with making it come true.
I wisely got out of there before I got stuck in there and helped them plan their crazy ideas.
Met up with Deirdre, who also wisely did not want to know the chaos that would soon be unleashed by the gremlin Master.
The only thing we did was me making as many Cu "Lancer Ga Shinda" memes on my phone to post in the Chaldea group chat. The funny thing was Deirdre giving me plenty of materials to use as well; most of them she said were from Scáthach, who told her loads of stories about Cu's ridiculous luck or bad luck in Chaldea.
Wow, she really impressed Scáthach if she could get stories from her of all people.
07/09
For some reason I think something changed here in Chaldea, or maybe it was already like this but only now, after my baptism in fire, is it more noticeable?
I mean, when we got back from the Singularity, I felt that the chaos of Chaldea was slowly increasing over time, like my hibachi class needing to calm down fights from the Servants, to multiple explosions coming from the Casters workshop, to dealing with the 'amorous' Servants vying for the twins attention, and so on.
It was a bit odd, and I had wondered if my little trip made me more receptive to this, or did I gain a sixth sense to attract these sorts of things now?
Have to say though, the fact that right now I don't really mind this all that much and practically enjoy the scene or joining in willingly is really damn scary.
Am I, am I being Stockholm Syndrome to this madhouse?
OH GOD
08/09
Well… umm… I don't really know how to say this, and I'm still wondering if I'm not being pranked in some way, because as of soon, I guess you could say that I might be part of Chaldea a bit more than usual.
After my training with Quetz and Scáthach, I got called up to the Director's office, and there I was given quite a surprise. Da Vinci had managed to fully refine the nanotech from our short adventure in the Universal Soldier Singularity, and she is looking to have me be the first one to have the first prototype.
I have to say I'm honestly surprised that I was recommended to test it out. Sure, I mean I kind of at least expect a bit of a finder's fee for my impromptu adventures, but this wasn't what I had envisioned. The Director seemed to agree with her and decided to let me have the choice to have it or not; if I didn't want it, he said I could have the gun and armor as a keepsake of sorts.
Again, very generous and not what I expect; hell, if I'm reading them right, I'm probably being upgraded to at least be a backup master of sorts or, at the very least, maybe a scout for any Singularity being popped up.
I, I, I really had no words right now, and I did tell them I wanted to think about it, which they agreed to.
Honestly, it was on my mind for the whole day, and I went into a small daze until Deirdre found me. I did talk to her about what was given to me and my hesitation, but after she smacked me in the head and gave me some pep talk, she told me in no uncertain terms that I was going to take it simply so that I have a chance to survive any unforeseen circumstances happening in Chaldea.
And truthfully I had no real rebuttal; I mean, it's a damn miracle that it took this long for me to get an actual adventure in a Singularity, however temporary it was, and since I'm an isekai character, I knew that the plot demands I get into more chaos once I dipped my toes into the Singularity, and there was no way around that unless I got out of here, and even then I'm not certain that I won't be dragged into other Nasu bullshit.
So I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to accept the nano augmentations from the Director.
10/09
Well, the operation was a success. I got a new set of nano enhancements to my semi-enhanced body. They had me in the medbay for quite a while to ensure there was no rejection of any kind. I have to admit it was like I got hit with a large dose of adrenaline, and I almost jumped out of the bed if it weren't for Nightingale holding me down.
It was a bit of a cold reality that even with the enhancements, I was in no way ready to take on any Servant, but from what Da Vinci explained, I was more of a testbed, so to speak.
She gave me the same strength enchantment as SETH only because it was the one that Squid had on file, so she wanted to get a baseline for it. The thing she modified was the weight; since the Universal Soldiers don't really feel any physical pain or fatigue, the muscle fibers used for it were quite heavy, and if it was used on a normal human being, they had to trim it down a lot and lower its strength so it doesn't hinder the person.
So Da Vinci managed to trim the fat down, so to speak, thus letting me gain the X5 strength but without the unnecessary weight that came with it. The reaction and speed time were also modified in a way that I don't get any information overload while still retaining its full functionality. She did say that she had to decrease the durability of the fibers by about 40 percent because of the cut weight, but in return the nanobots could heal any non-fatal wounds much quicker and efficiently without the cold while giving me more stamina, so to speak, so I was more of an attack chopper rather than a full-on tank.
Nightingale and Asclepius did a thorough checkup to make sure my body was all right, though I blushed hard when Nightingale inspected my dick, and honestly I don't know whether it was on purpose or not, but the fact that I now have a 10-inch dick is definitely a shock to me. I mean sure, any man wants to have a big man meat between their legs, and yes, getting an extra 5 inches and being thick enough that my fingertips barely touched each other was a boost for my ego, but wanting it and getting it was a weird experience, especially in how "active" I am with the Servants.
Have to say, though, while it was weird, it felt kind of nice as they put me on my paces using the equipment there. Da Vinci got a host of data for her next refinement, and suffice to say, I'm both intrigued and scared of what she might cook up considering the look on her face.
Last for my test was the stamina, which at first confused the hell out of me, wondering how she was going to fully test that, and I will wholeheartedly admit I should've seen this coming.
Because I was led into a different room where a large plush bed sat, and there Qutez and Shuten sat on it, a hungry gleam on their faces as they both wore very "unique" nurse's outfits, I had a sinking feeling that I knew who their next patient was. I would've turned around if it hadn't been for Nightingale being behind me and shutting the door and locking it hard; she somehow changed into her Halloween nurse outfit with a look that said, I'm not going anywhere.
Asclepius ditched me the moment I entered the room, and I don't blame him, but I'll have my vengeance, this I swear. Da Vinci was also there, but she probably drew the short straw or something because she was sitting this out to get "valuable data," as she calls it, before Nightingale carried me like a bride before walking me towards my doom, where we spent the whole day in that room.
The worst part about all of it was that because of my new body, all of them decided to pick up the pace, so to speak. I didn't suddenly become a sex god or something like that, but the three put my body through sexual hell. I mean HOLY HELL, the bed frame had cracks in it when they were done with me—CRACKS! and the bed wasn't one with four legs but an actual full-frame bed made from steel and reinforced with Runes and Magecraft to handle Servants, and they nearly broke it and me in half.
The worst part of it, despite me being put down yet again by these women, was that I wanted MORE!
HEHE, I'M IN DANGER. SEND HELP!
11/09
Well, it seemed that my training was picking up real fast, because Quetz and Scáthach were sure putting my new body through hell right now. I mean, they're still holding back just enough to kick my ass, but compared to before, they made damn sure to capitalize on my new enhancements to push my body more than before.
Hell, I think I saw the Almighty a few times, especially with Scáthach, as she was now teaching me the way of the spear. Something I was really surprised about since she only started teaching me for about two weeks or so, and even then it was sporadic, so really it was only a few days at best, especially with my kind of schedule.
Good thing about it all was my body being able to recover quickly; bad thing about it all was my body being able to recover quickly.
God, I am slightly wishing that I hadn't agreed to the upgrades because if I had known, I maybe would've taken my chances with guns and armor instead.
12/09
Seems like the rumor mill of my new enhancements spread really quickly, and I have a suspicious idea who told them, because the other Servants came in to check out my new body in action. Sure, they weren't fully impressed compared to them, but seeing a normal human pushing past the norm without Magecraft no doubt intrigued them.
The twins were here as well, being invited by Da Vinci to give them a sneak peek of what they could have once she was done getting more data from me.
I could see at least the twins were in awe at my newly gained physical abilities as I got my ass handed to me by Quetz yet again, but being able to hold out as she ramped it up was no doubt a fine sight.
Hurts like shit afterwards, but getting a deep massage by Nightingale and Quetz was so worth it.
Especially the Happy Ending I got
15/09
Welp, it seemed like Nasu had decided that my new body is done with testing and decided to throw me into its next phase of whackiness of the world.
See, about two days ago, an odd Singularity had come onto Chaldea's radar, and after a bit, Da Vinci had managed to convince the Director to let me join in with Ritsuka to gather more data on my new body.
Suffice to say, that's how I wound up with the guy alongside Charlemagne, Robin Hood, and Medusa.
The place we landed was yet again in America, in some small town named Coxville…God, I can't believe it took me walking past the town before I realized what kind of place we were in. Da Vinci told us that the Singularity was a local one, so only the town itself was affected by it, and as we kept walking, we noticed quite a lot of… shall we say oddities all over the place, and holy hell did I wish I wasn't like the millions of horny men who scroll the internet.
The women here were all super stacked, like something out of a porn shoot, even those that looked like someone's grandma would be mistaken for someone younger with how curvaceous and youthful she looked, and the men were what you expect of a western fetish fuel, with the dark-skinned men being mostly bald, ripped, and thuggish-looking, whereas those with lighter skin were all fat, passive, and uncaring of their women in some way.
I honestly killed the dumbass responsible because of the stupidity in and of itself, but we'll get to that later.
We were accosted by a group of thugs who leered at Medusa, who wasn't amused, and left them all broken in the alleyway after putting up a small barrier. As much as I hated to admit it, I had to check out their junk to prove my theory at the time, and when I saw the ridiculous dicks they all got, I legit facepalmed so hard I think Da Vinci could hear it from Chaldea.
After telling my suspicions, I was met with either deadpan looks or pure utter confusion, and I don't blame them. I was also asked by Da Vinci through the communicator if I got fucked too hard by Quetz and Nightingale, and again I don't blame them, so instead of explaining, I just asked them to follow me as we went through all the stupid tropes of this place, and by the end of it, all of my team were dumbfounded at the pure stupidity of the place, and this was coming from the people who dealt with KIARA.
Anyways, we had to figure this whole place out because this obviously wasn't normal, but the question was where to start. I thought about it for a few moments before recommending we start with the suburban area; my thinking was for stuff like this, then all the Black men would go for the white housewives, and we go from there.
Seeing that we had no real leads, they all followed my ideas, and boy did we hit the motherlode. I mean, shit, the place was a cheater's paradise with all the hot, stacked housewives cheating on their husbands like it was going out of style. From there we had to figure out who to start with, as Ritsuka had the Servants, besides Medusa, go into Astral form while we acted like people who got lost on a road trip.
We went from door to door trying to narrow our search down, Medusa doing a bit of work to bait the horny men, but we found mostly duds; the women had traces of something, but that was probably from the men they were cheating with, and the Black men mainly had traces as well. Though oddly enough, there were those with stronger traces, and we noted that most of them were from young teens, males and females, which gave us a hint towards a school here.
But we didn't want to jump to any conclusions as we made sure to check each of the remaining houses. And that just left two, where I took one while Ritsuka and Medusa took the other. The woman who greeted me was again another curvaceous woman named Ivana Swallows as she tied her bathrobe tightly on her waist, though it didn't do anything to hide that kind of body she has.
I did the whole thing using my meager Magecraft to hypnotize her a little, though for some reason it didn't work on her, and she quickly recognized it, which I think surprised me a little, and yet instead of calling the cops or whatever, she simply rolled her eyes and asked if I was here to deal with the crazy situation in the town.
I dumbly nodded as she rolled her eyes and quickly invited me in. When we got settled, she explained about the whole stupid stuff happening to the town, from the Black men getting bigger "tools" to the women somehow always ending up on said "tool," which included her as well, but she told me that she was doing it only due to her husband barely acknowledging her and cheating on her.
I did ask if that was before or after the town changed, and she snorted, saying she married him to get a green card to stay here, and he was already cheating a long time. I semi-accepted that and asked her when and if she had an idea where it started from.
She wasn't completely sure, but she did say that she felt a fog of sorts that came strongly from the school she worked in, and I let out a hum, asking if she knew who in the school jumped on the bandwagon first.
That she knew pretty well as she gritted out her neighbor's name, who conveniently was the other house Ritsuka and Medusa headed to, I raised my eyebrow as she waved it off, saying that she thinks that her neighbor, one Jenny Summers, was the one who started in the school with how much time she hangs out with the Black coach, who actually has a last name, Black.
I think she noticed my blank stare, making her giggle as she explained that if I needed a start, then the school was a good choice.
Thanking her for the information, I was about to head out the door. Until she stopped me and asked for payment for the information, I looked at her for a moment, and stupidly I asked what she wanted. She rolled her eyes again, muttering something about men, before dropping her bathrobe and exposing her now naked body to me.
I'll wholeheartedly admit that my dick did the talking for me as I called up Da Vinci to tell her that I'll be busy for a while and that I found some information for Ritsuka to check out the school, which Ivan happily gave before shutting off the communicator for a while.
I couldn't stay long, and surprisingly yet again when we were done an hour later, she asked if she could follow me; again, I was confused, where she explained her family had some gypsy blood from way back when, though it was watered down, she wanted to at least see what was causing this.
I gave her a frown before putting my communicator up to my ear and asked Ritsuka if it was all right. Surprisingly he was all right with it, though I did have a bit of doubt, but seeing no problem, I agreed, but I did stress that she stay as far from the source as she agreed.
We met with Ritsuka and his group, though it seemed that he switched out Robin Hood for Martha for some reason. As we got close, we noticed a tied-up old man next to the group, and Ivana blinked, telling me that the old guy was the principal of her school, and by God, did I wonder if I was being punked again hearing that he was called Principal LONG of all things.
Then the old guy monologue about the whole curse, that it came from his ancestor, who was a slave, and the whole thing about that they'll rule the world with their dicks and so on and so forth
All in all, I somehow got a headache from hearing the guy; yes, it was shitty, and right now it is only just better than what it was, but the guy gave all his brains and common sense to his dick that he didn't even realize just how stupid it would be and the chaos that would soon follow, considering how stupid people are as a whole, especially people who think the world owes them something and suddenly got the power to take it.
And just what you expect the moment his monologue ends, his ancestor took over his body and fought all of us in a fit of rage.
I would tell you of the epic battle we had, using wits and skill to outmaneuver the possessed man, where through grit and will we grasped victory through the jaws of defeat.
But that would be a joke because he barely even got past the first few inches before I blew his head off and the guy fell dead. The whole place was dead silent as everyone turned to me and the smoking Lawgiver in hand; hell, even I was surprised seeing how easy it was before the spirit tried flying away, only to find itself trapped by Ritsuka using some kind of net.
After that was Martha purifying the whole place where we dug out the object responsible for the whole thing.
Honestly, the whole thing was a trip in and of itself, and I knew I lost a few brain cells from being in that town, and after I gave Ivana a very LONG goodbye, we headed back to Chaldea for our reports. I was told that they'll monitor the town a bit more first to see any changes until it goes back to normal, and all I did was smile and nod, letting them do it before I got back to my room and slept it off.
Da Vinci was a bit miffed yesterday seeing that I couldn't do much, and I sigh knowing my ass is going to be in the literal fire for the next few days before another round of checkup was conducted by Nightingale, A PROPER ONE I might add, before I was off doing my own thing since anyone who goes through the Singularity gets a day off.
Da Vinci also told me about two new nursing staff that were about to come today, and I was volunteered to show them around. I raise my eyebrow seeing her cheeky grin, and I sigh knowing that the bullshit was about to come, so I hesitantly accepted.
Hope it's not some dumb old hag.
16/09
So
Met the two new staff, and I have to say I know God is pulling some bullshit on me right now, because apparently for some goddamn reason the director hired Ivana and a friend she brought named Shoko Sugimoto to be part of being the assistant to Nightingale and Asclepius.
I think my face said it all when we met, and Ivana gave me a cheeky grin as she and Shoko wrapped their arms around me while I showed them around the place.
Didn't help from the others looking on and all the stupid grins and chuckles I got, but I took it all in stride.
We met Quetz about halfway through before all of us retired to my room for the WHOLE day.
Again, I'm not sure if this is going to be a good thing or not, but I sure as hell am sure that all this bullshit is for future me to handle.
…SHIT…