Hello everyone, and welcome to the first installment of "A Samurai in Hell: SHORTS!" Now I'm sure a lot of you are probably wondering "Wait, what is this? What about regular Samurai in Hell? WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Rest assured that I am still working on that and am pages into the next chapter already. This is just something I figured I'd do that help fill the void until I can release the full chapter. If you want a more detailed explanation, I'm posting a chapter update on the main story soon.

For anyone new that is joining, Hi! Welcome to the world of "A Samurai in Hell!" If you're here, that means you probably love Samurai Jack, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, or all three! And would like to see a crossover story between them.

But this story is mostly a lot more casual, and just for fun. It's mostly one-shots of character interactions. If you want a more substantial fic with a main plot and chapters that lead into one another and big action scenes, check out the main story on my profile. Apparently I've written enough of it to qualify for a novel.

Whether or not everything here in the shorts are canon to ASIH, I'm not too concerned. You can pretty much pick and choose what you like.

Now, on with the show!

Vaggie once again crashed face-first into the dirt for the third time in ninety seconds. She snarled as she pushed herself back to her feet and whirled around back to facing her opponent. "Again! One more time."

Samurai Jack sighed, standing up from his battle-stance and resting on his wooden staff. His sword laid off to the side of their makeshift battlefield (AKA the empty plot of dirt outside the ship section of the hotel.) In perfect distance for the samurai to always keep an eye on it.

For their sparring session, Jack had opted to face Vaggie using a homemade bo staff. Well, as homemade as a broomstick with the brush kicked off could be. He said it would be appropriate, this way they would match weapon styles with less risk of him accidentally harming the hotel's protector. Well, he couldn't harm her body at least, her pride was more bruised than a trampled banana peel.

"Vaggie," Jack took a deep breath. "I believe it would be more beneficial if you were to take a step back and reevaluate your strategy."

"There's nothing wrong with my strategy." Vaggie scowled. "It's never failed me before. I'm just not used to someone fighting ba- like you do."

Jack's eye traced down to Vaggie's own weapon. "Then perhaps you should at least switch back to your spear. Perhaps the familiarity will help you."

Vaggie looked down at the oversized stick in her hands. It was the same length as her spear, but it held none of the familiar weight. She missed the familiar shaft of Angelic steel, however…

Vaggie sighed. "I don't want to find out what happens when a holy weapon attacks a human. So no spear during sparring sessions. I don't want to accidentally stab you."

"Given that you can't even stab him on purpose," a snide voice called out. "I wouldn't exactly call that a concern."

Vaggie glared a seething red eye at a spider lounging back in fold-out chair. "Why are you still here?"

"Other than the free entertainment of watching you eat shit over and over?" Angel kicked up his legs. The spider bit his lip, barely hiding a purring grin. "The views out here are pretty damn good."

Vaggie didn't need to follow Angel's line of sight to know exactly what views he was talking about. Jack believed his "gi" as he called it was ill-fitted for optimal staff-fighting. Apparently, this meant completely disrobing until the only thing covering his modesty was tight white wrappings, showing off every detail of his trained physique.
Vaggie dragged a hand down her face. If she had to stare at the spider's perverted face a second longer, she was going to take her spear and stab out her other eye.

"Perhaps we should take a break," Jack's calm voice broke through.

Vaggie sighed. Maybe that was for the best. It would give her a chance to clear her head. "Fine."

Jack nodded at the agreed upon time out. He stabbed his wooden staff right into the ground, perfectly propping it up to be grabbed later. He turned from the two denizens of Hell and immediately began performing stretches.

"God damn…" All eight of Angel's eyes traced over Jack's form, taking in every perfectly defined muscle as they contracted and flexed with each different stretch. "He's not even fully naked, but that somehow just makes him even hotter. I don't even understand how that's possible."

Vaggie thanked whatever higher power there was that she had no interest in men. "I thought you weren't interested in hand-holding?"

"I'm allowed to look." Angel gave a shit-eating grin as he leaned his head back. "You can't deny these eyes from a work of art like that."

"Well, then," If Jack was bothered by Angel's comments, he didn't show it. He merely snatched his staff out of the ground and held it at the ready. "I am prepared to commence when you are."

Vaggie sighed. She looked down at the pitiable little stick in her hands and the dirt covering her clothes. "You know what? Maybe we should just stop here."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Vaggie, you should not give up here and deny yourself improvement. You must-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Embrace mistakes and whatever." Vaggie rolled her eye. "But I feel like I'm just throwing myself against a wall. You're a sword-user, how are you so good at staff-fighting?"

"While the sword is my primary weapon, I have been trained in many different styles of combat and weaponry since I was but eight years old." Jack gave his staff an experimental twirl, spinning it more smoothly than even the most efficient machines.

Jack held the staff in his hands. His thumbs slowly traced over imperfect grooves and splitters. "... Although, I will admit. The bo staff has always been one of my personal favorites. It was one of the first weapons I had ever learned. I still remember how I practiced the forms day and night on the majestic plains of Africa."

Vaggie's eye widened. "Wait, Africa? Aren't you a samurai?"

Jack nodded. "Yes."

Vaggie blinked. "From Japan?"

Jack nodded. "Yes."

A tumbleweed blew by.

"Ooookay then," Vaggie shifted her own staff in her hands.

"Bo staffs and spears are very similar," Jack continued. "I often combine the styles when training. Tell me, what form of combat do you practice? Perhaps we could compare and change our styles accordingly?"

Vaggie blinked. "Style?"

"Of course," Jack nodded. "I have been primarily trained in five major styles of staff fighting, myself. However, I cannot recognize the one you use."

Vaggie suddenly found the pebble by her foot very interesting. "Well, You see- I don't exactly… use one."

Jack stared at her. "Pardon?"

"My training was far from traditional." Vaggie sighed. "Most of it was just trying to dodge attacks from our instructor. The rest was more trial by fire."

Vaggie looked up at Jack. "I didn't even know there were specific sub-styles of staff-fighting. It's kind of always just been a stick to me."

Jack shook his head. "That will not do. The Umlangata is one of the most diverse and reliable tools a warrior could wield. If you do not have the proper discipline, a stick is all it will ever be."

"What about my spear?"

"A very sharp stick."

Vaggie groaned. "Look, just because my training was informal, doesn't mean I should toss it all away and start all over."

"Do you wish to protect the princess?"

Vaggie blinked. Her brain had short-circuited. "What?"

The samurai stared down at her with a level gaze, his eyes gained his signature steely look. "Do you wish to protect the princess?"

"Of course I do," Vaggie glared. "More than anything."

"What is more important? Her safety, or your pride?"

Vaggie winced. Ouch. Somehow that hurt more than falling flat on her face. "Point taken…"

Her eye shifted away from the samurai, just barely still glancing his way. "You… know, right? That Charlie and I are more than just… princess and guardian?"

Jack chuckled. "I would have to be quite the fool to not see the signs. If you two were trying to be subtle about it, I have some unfortunate news for you."

They weren't really trying but good to know all the same. "Sorry, it's just that… I honestly wasn't expecting you to be so cool about it."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Why would I not be cool about it?"

Oh, crap. "Um- well, you see… it's just that- You're from like medieval times, and uh-"

"Guys from there tended to burn chicks alive for not wanting to sleep with a man, let along sleeping with a woman." Angel's smug voice piped up.

A crass, but not necessarily inaccurate summation of Vaggie's worries. "Yeah… that."

Jack rubbed his chin, he was looking down as if in deep thought. "I will not lie and say I have never seen such ridiculous prejudices before. However, I have also seen great love in many places between those of many varying genders. Why, in the coliseums of Greece, it was expected to be able to love a man as you would a woman! I actually received a few invitations, but personally declined."

"Huh," Angel blinked. "Neat."

"Wait, hold on." Vaggie shook her head. "Did you just say Greece? Like Ancient Greece?"

"I thought it was actually quite the modern marvel of architectural innovation," Jack mused. "But I suppose some could call it ancient."

"And you studied staff fighting in Africa?"

"Among other things." Jack nodded.

"And you're still from Japan?" Angel spoke up.

"Last I checked, yes." Jack began looking his two companions, as if growing concerned.

"In a time when the fastest time to get around was a boat," Vaggie drew out. "With sails?"

"Yes…" Jack shifted uncomfortably. "Are you two alright?"

"You know what? Never mind." Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose. "You were saying about different fighting styles?"

Jack's stature immediately shifted back into seriousness, he was truly a warrior ready to fight. "There are five styles of technique. The cheetah!"

Without warning, Jack suddenly fell down on all fours. He leapt from place to place, pouncing with all the grace and speed of the named jungle cat. One hand still raised to hold the bo staff high and at the ready for attack.

"The monkey!"

Jack immediately leaped back to two feet, before grasping his staff at one end and making wide giant sweeps and powerful slams.

"The snake!"

It was as if all the bones had disappeared from Jack's body, yet he still stood on his two feet as he expertly bent and turned in place. The fluidity and almost liquid-like state of his movements enhancing his strikes as he effortlessly slashed at the air.

"The scorpion!"

Jack then switched his staff grip to a much more familiar position. He stabbed at the ground with great speed and precision, before spinning the staff in his hand and striking behind himself before Vaggie could even blink.

"And the antelope!"

Jack switched back to jumping around, but while his leaps before covered great distance, these jumps sent him sailing into the sky before he landed on the ground with a powerful THUD.

Jack stood before his small audience, barely out of breath and still held at the ready. Angel and Vaggie only stared.

Angel snorted, barely even trying to stifle his fit of giggles.

Jack did not seem bothered by Angel's non-verbal dismissal of his teachings. He did not even glance the spider's way. He stood up tall and look to Vaggie. "They may seem silly to the uninitiated, but these techniques were crafted by studying only the most powerful and cunning of African beasts. They have saved my life many times, and I have a feeling they will be of great use to you."

Vaggie gave a blank stare that refused to betray her nervous soul. Those movements were impressive, but admittedly also a little intimidating. She wasn't even sure her body could bend that way in some areas.

Not to mention, if she continued down this path, she would be a complete beginner. She would become this helpless little lamb that needed someone to watch her every step so she wouldn't trip and fall. Vaggie liked to believe that she was a fast learner, but the thought of having to rely on anyone for anything… it twisted her stomachs into knots.

But then another thought entered her mind. The image of a rosy-cheeked Hellborn beamed down at her like the sun, with a smile so precious it made gold look like spray-painted tin foil.

Vaggie's mind echoed the words of Samurai Jack, he asked what was more important between Vaggie's pride and Charlie. It wasn't even a question. For Charlie, Vaggie would do anything.

Vaggie looked towards Jack. "Where do we start?"

Jack's face broke into a smile, one of the more genuine ones in Hell. "Very good. Since your primary is a spear, I believe it would be best to start with scorpion-style. That incorporates plenty of stabbing and thrusts, which seem to be your area of expertise."

Vaggie ignored the off-to-side giggle of Angel Dust and kept her focus on Jack. "Good, at the very least, I won't have to learn a whole new weapon at this rate."

"Well," Jack scratched his chin. "You say that, but if you alone are truly to be responsible for the safety of the entire hotel, it would not be unwise to expand your repertoire to more options. Or you could at least consider a long-range toll for possible aerial threats."

Vaggie would usually be offended, but then she actually tapped her chin in thought. Her usual options for long range was just throwing her spear before summoning it back. Not exactly a quick and reliable method. "Fair enough. What did you have in mind?"

Jack twirled his staff in hands, briefly tilting his head upwards in slight pride. "While it may not be humble, I like to believe I am quite skilled with a bow and arrow."

"Bow and arrow, huh?" Vaggie felt a smile creep onto her lips. "And let me guess, you learned from a Native American chief of the Navajo tribe."

Jack actually laughed. The first real laugh Vaggie had ever heard from him. It was deep and steady, with a jovial level of control. The guy's discipline never missed a beat, did it?

After his laugh dissipated back into the usual chuckle, Jack took a deep breath. "Of course not, my travels never took me that far."

"Okay, good," Vaggie sighed. It was her joke, but that still would have been a bit much.

"I actually learned it in the southern regions of England," Jack mused. "I was actually taught by an infamous bandit vigilante. I believe the locals called him Robin Hood."

"WHAT THE HELL EVEN IS YOUR LIFE?"

"As of now," Jack shrugged. "My life IS in Hell."

And there we go! The first of the shorts is officially done! Let me know what you think, or better yet, tell me what kind of ideas you have for future one-shots of Jack interacting with the hotel. As I said before, I'm treating these a lot more casually in terms of tone, worldbuilding, and even canonicity, so nothing is really off the table.

This was fun so I hope you enjoyed it,

Thanks for reading!