Brooke was exhausted when she returned from the club. Some guy kept spanking her ass and she hadn't enjoyed it, but she had kept her mouth shut and had taken the hits. With fatigue in every cell of her body, Brooke walked into her children's room. All the tiredness washed away when she saw their faces. This was for them. So that they could have everything.
She went and sat at the window ledge and just watched them sleep for a moment. The rhythmic rising and falling of their chests stilled her. Giving each of them a goodnight kiss, she got ready for bed and was overtaken by deep sleep within seconds.
Sam was awake when Brooke came. The jammed door that Brooke had pushed to close and lock had stirred her from her sleep which wasn't too deep that night to begin with. However, when she saw Brooke enter and come into the room to check on her and Jamie, she had pretended to be fast asleep. She hadn't slept well that night or a few nights for that matter. She couldn't shake away the thoughts that Brooke was suffering because of her. She felt responsible for Brooke being stuck in New York with her and not returning to Tree Hill with Lucas. She had cried silently once Brooke had fallen asleep feeling like she was bad news wherever she went and that she was keeping everybody from their good lives. She felt like she was an omen for bad luck. She saw how exhausted Brooke looked and knew that if it weren't for her, that would not have been the case.
Sam hated herself at that moment. She felt like a burden. She had been a burden to her birth mother and hence she had given her away. Her birth mother had been smart, she had got rid of the problem right away. Now she was a burden to Brooke and Brooke just had too big a heart to realise that the wise thing to do was to kick Sam to the curb.
Had it just been Brooke and Jamie, they would have been decorating their new house together in Tree Hill. Brooke had promised that she would never leave her and Sam believed her. She knew that Brooke's heart was too big and she was as loyal as a dog. Yet, it was a stupid promise. She shouldn't have had to do that. Sam shouldn't have forced her to do that. Brooke had done so much for her. She had saved her and given her her dream life. Sam felt that it was time to return the favour by doing the same thing for Brooke. She had to, it was the only way Brooke could be free. Lucas knew now. She had support if she took it and the only thing holding her back according to Sam, was her. She felt like it was time to repay Brooke's massive favour by cutting herself out. A heavy sob escaped her mouth that she quickly tried to stifle when her resolve grew. She didn't want to leave her family. Where would she go? Who would take her? She did not have anyone else in the world. She saw Brooke switch to her other side on the couch and knew that she had to work quickly.
Sam waited and checked for Brooke to be in a state of deep sleep. Once she confirmed the same, she searched for a pen and some paper and quickly scribbled a note using the flashlight on her phone.
'Go to Tree Hill with him and forget about me. I will be fine. Don't come looking for me. Please. I cannot live knowing that I am keeping you from your love and a chance of a real family, the family you and Jamie deserve. You might argue but you still love him, Brooke. It is evident and I think that he loves you too even though he proposed to Peyton. I just strongly feel like the two of you are meant to be together. Jamie deserves a family, you deserve a family and I cannot be the one who keeps you from that. You have done so much for me. Now it's my turn to do something for you. I am grateful for every moment that I spent with you. I am thankful for all your love and care. You're the only person who ever truly loved me and that is the reason that I have to do this. You'll always be my only mom. I love you - Sam.'
The paper became damp and the ink smudged as Sam's tears dripped onto the paper. Her handwriting was all wonky as her hands had been shivering while she wrote that note. She knew Brooke was going to be worried but she also hoped that she would understand and move on. Sam placed the note on the couch beside Brooke, grabbed a duffel, put some clothes, food and things in hastily and keeping the door noises to a minimum, crept out like a thief in the night, leaving the life and people she loved behind.
Brooke's alarm blared in the morning and she struggled to wake up. Her body was so exhausted but there was a silver lining to it. It was her day off. She could get the kids to school and crawl back under the covers. Wait, she couldn't. She had to go meet Lucas and have 'the talk'. The talk that she was supposed to think about, but where had she had the time to think? She was not ready. Maybe she could sleep in for just five more minutes to escape the reality that she had to face soon.
Brooke closed her eyes and turned her head, that's when she felt a piece of paper underneath her. She dismissed it like it was nothing. She had managed to sleep soundly underneath Jamie's legos when she was tired. She never had the luxury of a clean house and a piece of paper wasn't stabbing her. So she closed her eyes and lay in, for those five minutes.
Eventually she knew she was going into late territory and sat up and rubbed her eyes. The piece of paper had stuck to her hair and with a yawn Brooke detangled it and pulled it out. She noticed that the paper wasn't as solid, like it had been damp which explained it sticking to her. Brooke was curious and she unfolded it. Shock and horror overtook her as she scanned the contents of the sheet. She jumped off the couch and ran into the kids' bedroom. Sam's bed was empty.
She clutched the paper in her hand, panicking like she never had before. "Jamie, Jamie wake up, quickly," Brooke said worriedly as she shook her little boy away.
"What's wrong?" he asked, sensing the panic in his mom's voice.
"Sam isn't home. Do you know where she went? She was here when I returned from work. Do you know anything?" she asked him.
Jamie shook his head no as his face grew serious too.
"Baby, I have to go look for her. Can you get ready in a hurry? I'm sorry but you'll have to make a granola bar for breakfast. I really need to go find Sam. Can you try to get ready on your own? I need to call Sam's friends and ask them if they know where she is," Brooke asked him.
"Can I help?" he asked, feeling scared for his sister. "Is Sam going to be alright?"
"Yeah, don't worry baby. Call me if you need any help," she said and with that ran to grab her phone. She first tried Sam but her phone was switched off, just as she had predicted. Next she called all of Sam's friends whom she could think of. None of them had heard from her. She wondered if any of them were lying to cover up for the teen but they all sounded genuinely surprised to hear of Sam being gone.
"Shit!" she screamed when the last number on her list also had no idea about her foster daughter's whereabouts.
"That is a bad word, mommy!" Jamie reprimanded her as he walked out with his backpack, ready for school.
"I know, I'm sorry. I am just really worried about Sammy. Come on, let's get you to school," Brooke said. Brooke's walk that day was a little too fast for Jamie and he had to run to keep pace with his mother. Usually that was Brooke's prime time with him and they spoke about everything, but that day, his mom was quiet. He understood, so he followed instructions. He ate an energy bar on the subway and they made it to school early.
"I know this morning hasn't been the way it usually is and I am so sorry but I need to go look for Sammy. I love you, little man," she said, bending down to meet his eyes once they were standing outside school.
"Yeah, I understand. I miss her too," Jamie said with a weak smile.
Brooke quickly walked out and made her way to Sam's school. She quickly walked into the office and pretended to be Norma. Her fake id skills had once again come in handy and she had an ID by the name of Norma for identification. She knew that she was breaking so many laws, identity theft, kidnapping and so many more, but she did not care. She would break them all for Sam, even if it meant that the situation could go really south really fast.
"Hey, my foster daughter wasn't home when I woke up this morning and her phone is off. I am worried about her. If you could just check if she is at school and if I could see her, that would be great," Brooke spoke to the staff. Her voice sounded choked with worry.
"You look too young to have a teenager," the lady eyed her, catching a part of her lie.
"I said foster daughter," Brooke answered quickly. She did not want to explain herself, she just needed to find Sam.
The lady checked Sam's schedule and sent someone to the class where Sam was supposed to be. She wasn't there. Her name was absent on the attendance records as well. Brooke thanked them and bolted out of the school.
Where would she even go to find her? Brooke went to the junkyard to check whether Sam was crashing in some car. She checked all the cars. Sam wasn't. There were only some delinquent boys who were still high from the night before passed out inside the cars. She checked all the backstreets and alleys where girls like Sam who did not get care wound up, turning tricks and learning cons. Brooke had her hand in her purse on her can of pepper spray the whole time. She asked whoever would listen whether they had seen Sam. Nobody had.
So she proceeded towards the better joints that Sam started going to with her friends after she moved in with Brooke and changed schools. Suddenly her phone began to ring and she pulled it out in hopes that it was somebody calling with the location of her daughter.
The name flashed Lucas and she suddenly remembered that she had promised to meet him. She had completely forgotten about that.
"Hey Brooke, are you on your way?" he asked her, trying to avoid considering her tardiness. It was a big day.
"Yeah, I'm going to have to take a rain check. Sam's gone again. She wrote this note and left. I cannot find her. I am really worried. I am in a subway to check Central Park and I don't even know where. I am scared that I won't be able to find her," she explained herself.
"Oh my God, I am on my way!" Lucas yelled. Brooke could hear some shuffling in the background and the door opening and closing behind him.
"No, Lucas. It's fine. I'll find her," Brooke said, not knowing how she felt.
"Okay, fine," Lucas said and cut the call. Brooke was confused momentarily. She had expected a full pow wow. It wasn't Lucas' nature to back away. He was almost as stubborn as she was. It wasn't like him to back out of an argument. However, that moment wasn't the time to introspect about Lucas' out of character response. She had to focus on Sam.
She walked around checking every corner of the park for an hour.
"Umm, excuse me Sir. I'm looking for someone, uh, a young girl that comes in here a lot. She's kind of a skater, sarcastic," Brooke asked one of the guards.
"Let me guess, her name is Sam, brunette, five feet?" the guard finished for her.
"Yes! Have you seen her?" Brooke asked with so much hopefulness in her voice. Finally, somebody who seemed to know something.
"No, but that blonde guy who is running just asked me the same exact thing," he said, pointing at the backside of a man that looked just like Lucas. Of course he hadn't listened. Brooke considered walking to him and talking to him, but that would waste precious time she could use looking for Sam.
So she quickly thanked the guard and moved in the opposite direction than Lucas. Sam was nowhere to be found and it was time to pick Jamie up from school. Brooke was frantic. She quickly dialled Lucas.
"Hey, I need a favour. Can you go pick up Jamie from school and keep him with you?" she asked him.
"Of course," Lucas replied. From where he was standing, he could see Brooke. Her entire body looked tense as her eyes still flitted in the crowd to get a glimpse of the girl she loved. Lucas made his way out of the park and Brooke stepped out too, to check another location. She felt helpless as she could not ask the cops for help. She was not related to her. She had no claim on her whatsoever. So next her mind went to Sam crossing state lines. She went to Grand Central Station and showed pictures of her to the ticket booth workers and other guards. Nobody had seen her. She had already been checking with the workers at the subway stops she had been taking on her city tour. Next she went to the bus depot in a last ditch attempt to identify her location.
"Hi ma'am, I am so sorry to bother you but I am looking for someone. Have you seen her today?" she asked the lady at the counter. Brooke handed her phone to the lady. It was a picture of her smiling as she spoke to a friend. Sam did not like being photographed, or smiling. Brooke remembered when she had taken it. It was after Sam had finally started making an effort and had gotten clean and responsible.
"Yes, I saw her. She was sitting in that chair alone and crying. She bought a ticket to Albany, New York," the lady at the counter told her as she handed Brooke's phone back to her.
"Albany? What is she doing in Albany!" Brooke spoke to herself. Suddenly, all the wheels in her mind started spinning in overdrive as it all clicked. "Oh My God! I know where she is! When is the next bus?"
"In 30 minutes," the lady answered, sensing Brooke's relief. She was glad that she had been able to help.
"I need a ticket. One second, I am going to make a call," she said. The lady smiled and started to punch some numbers into her keyboard.
"Hey Lucas! I know where Sam is!" she told him excitedly.
"Oh, thank God! Is she okay?" he asked. Brooke could hear the relief in his voice as his lips curled into a thick smile. Why was he smiling and relieved for Sam? A girl that he barely even knew. Sam had been a stranger in his life a few days ago, now he was frantic about her whereabouts? He found the whole ordeal so strange.
"No, she is in Albany. There is a bus that is headed there in 30 minutes. I'm going to see her. Can you keep Jamie with you? I will come get him from you once I have Sam with me," she replied.
"Yes, but can I come with you? I want to be there," Lucas asked. The words sounded strange to both him and Brooke.
"No, it's fine," she said, looking into her purse. She could barely manage a ticket for her and she had to consider purchasing two return tickets from Albany. If it got late, she would have to think about a motel for her and Sam to spend the night and food. Her bank balance was going to take a hit. But none of that mattered, only Sam and her safety did. Brooke quickly calculated. She was going to have to take money out of Jamie's birthday bicycle fund. She did not want to do it because she knew that there was no way she could earn enough in time for his birthday after spending all that money on the impromptu trip. 'Oh well, where does New York even have the space to ride a bike? It is too hard to carry one to Central Park in the subways. Our neighbourhood is shady… Jamie can never ride it down there. He saw kids in the park riding bikes and so he wanted one but… maybe next year.' she mentally appeased her conscience.
"No, it's fine Luke. Just please take care of Jamie. I'll call you and let you know once I find her and pick Jamie up from your hotel," she told him and ended the call. She purchased the ticket and got into the bus.
Brooke was agitated and a ball of nerves the entire journey. She really hoped that she was right and that she would find Sam. She prayed that nothing bad had happened to her and that she was okay. Could the bus not go any faster? Everything seemed to be going in slow motion for her.
Brooke was the first one out of the bus when they reached Albany. She had really racked her brain to remember the name of the place Sam had mentioned to her a long time ago. She had remembered part of the name, but just enough for google to find it. She followed the map to the spot.
Brooke stood outside the quaint cafe and exhaled deeply as she saw Sam's head resting on a table from the plate glass windows. Sam looked unhappy and tired, but okay. An abandoned cup of coffee was beside her on the table, with way too much sugar, Brooke was sure. Taking another deep breath to steady her nerves, she walked into the cafe and slid in the booth across from where Sam was sitting with her head resting down in her arms.
Sam heard the sound of pleather rubbing and looked up. She froze in fear when she saw Brooke there, not knowing what to say or do. Her eyes were still red and puffy from spending the better half of the day crying and being confused. She had made no plan. She didn't know where she was going to go or what she was going to do. She had blown every last penny she had on the bus ticket to Albany, and for what? To be reminded of just how people gave up on her? She was so afraid and yet she was angry that Brooke had not followed her explicit instructions. She had told her to not come looking for her and yet, there she was.
Brooke took in her daughter's appearances. All she wanted to do was hold her and let all the fear and tension out of her body. She had been so worried. She wanted to just cry and go ballistic on Sam at the same time. Yet, she knew just how emotionally raw Sam was in that place.
"So which one is she?" Brooke asked her instead, as she chose compassion as her response to the situation. She could ground Sam's ass and yell at her later. Right now, she had to help her daughter heal an emotional wound.
"The one behind the counter brewing the coffee," Sam said, nudging her head in the direction where a lady stood making a fresh pot with roasted beans. Brooke followed Sam's gaze and it settled on a brunette. She was older than Brooke. She was oblivious to them and their conversations as she was listening to music on her earphones. Brooke could see Sam's resemblance with her birth mother. She had her mother's hair and facial structure. Sam's eyes were lighter than hers but not too far off the spectrum.
"Yeah," she answered, feeling all sorts of weird emotions and suppressing them deep down.
Years ago, before she met Brooke, Sam had picked the lock and accessed her social worker's file to get the name of her birth mother. Then she had then gone ahead to track her down. She knew that Rebecca, her mother, did not want her. She had had her young and she had been put in foster care the day that she was born. Rebecca had never come looking for her.
"She's pretty," Brooke said, not knowing what else to say. What do you tell the child who was given up by their parents? How were you supposed to explain that? How were they to make sense and accept that they were unwanted? That their parents chose themselves over them and let them go? It was gnarly.
"I'm sorry, Sam," Brooke said, apologising for everything at once. She was sorry for all that Sam had had to endure, with her, with Rebecca, with every foster parent she had been with.
"Why did you find me, Brooke?" Sam asked her in a tired voice. The heightened emotions of the day had sucked out all the energy from her.
"Did you really think that I would let you go? I love you Sam! I love you so much that all I want to do right now is weld our skin together so that you never leave my sight again!" Brooke said emotionally, not thinking her gory hyperbole through.
"Gosh Brooke! That's disgusting," Sam laughed as she sipped on her coffee that had turned cold by then.
"It doesn't matter. I am just so glad that you are safe and okay!" she said, genuinely meaning her words. "You really had me worried out there, Champ," she answered.
Sam's face wore a funny expression. She half chuckled and it looked like she was having an internal debate.
"What's wrong Sammy?" Brooke asked, her hand inching forward to hold her daughter's.
"Nothing, just wondering if she was ever worried about me, even if for a second," Sam answered. Brooke did not need Sam to explain who was the 'she' in her statement.
"I'm sure she was. It mustn't have been easy for her, Sam," Brooke tried to make her feel better. Ever since she had had Jamie, she never understood how any parent could not want their children? Her love for her kids was unconditional. Yet, her mother never loved her. So she knew that it was complicated. "Come on Sam, she works at a diner. She probably had no support." Brooke said, trying to answer the silent question that was lingering on the teenager's face. She looked so conflicted.
"Brooke, you work at a diner. You have no support. You had Jamie young too. Did you ever even for a moment think about giving him up?" Sam asked her, staring straight into her eyes as if she was challenging her to argue and say otherwise. Sam knew that she was right on that one and there was nothing Brooke could say to prove her wrong.
Brooke did not know how to answer her. No, she would never do that. She could never give up her child. "Sam, everyone is different. Her circumstances might be different," she tried instead.
"Brooke, when you love someone, you fight for them. You make sure that the person you love has the best. The best life. Look at you here for instance, acting like a fool. What are you doing here? I specifically told you to not come looking for me. I gave you a shot to escape this hell hole nightmare and what do you do? How did you even find me?" Sam asked her, getting pissed at Brooke.
"Sam, don't say that. I love you. I can't imagine a life without you in it. Please. You're not a burden like you said in the letter. You're like my daughter. You're my only support here in New York. You're my only support in life. I am getting by only because of you. I owe you so much and I genuinely love you, Sam. I - I wish that I could adopt you, that I could do something to make it real, that I could give you the stability and peace of mind that you deserve, that you never be taken away from me. I hate that you live in constant fear and uncertainty about the rug being pulled from underneath you. I am so so so sorry. But none of that changes my feelings. I pick you and I choose you every single time over everything. Always and forever Sam. You kids are my love story. Lucas does not change anything. I only do what is best for the people I love and care about, my family, and that is you Sammy, not him." Brooke let the floodgates open up.
Sam burst out crying at that as she put her head down again to hide her tears, "I don't like doing this to you Brooke. I know how badly I want a white picket fence life and you can have that. It's not fair to you."
"It's not fair to me to have to live away from my daughter and keep hunting for her as she defies my rules. If I turn grey early on Sam, know that it is your doing!" Brooke said. She did not have doubt in her mind. There was no choosing another life. She had the life she wanted with her kids. Sure, work sucked, but she was independent. She did not have to please her parents or boys. Maybe she had to please boys at work. Okay, if she kept going down that tunnel, she would hate herself so she placed a stopgate in her mind.
"That still doesn't answer how you found me," Sam asked.
"With a whole lot of walking and asking around. I looked for you everywhere! I was lucky the woman at the bus depot identified you and said you took a bus to Albany. I figured this could be the only place you would come to here," Brooke answered.
"Brooke, you can still walk out," Sam gave her another chance.
"Do you want to tell her who you are?" she asked Sam instead.
"No, but one day I am going to tell her who I am and what a big mistake she made. I am going to make her regret giving up on me before I even had a chance to prove myself," Sam said while bottling her tears.
Brooke lunged out of the booth and was at her daughter's side within seconds, hugging her and soothing her back. Sam cried harder when she felt Brooke's arms around her.
"Please take me home, Brooke. I just want to go home," she begged.
Brooke did not need to be told twice. She quickly left some dollar bills out on the table and pulled Sam out of the diner.
Sam was able to breathe much better once they were out of the claustrophobic space. She gulped hard and loud, trying to fill her lungs with as my oxygen as she could. Sam gave her a moment to grab her bearings and then they made their way back to the bus station.
Brooke purchased their tickets. She was grateful that the last bus hadn't left so she did not have to pay for a motel. It wasn't early though. They were catching the last bus back. They would reach New York quite late.
As soon as they sat in the bus, Sam fell asleep right in her arms. Brooke smiled and pulled her closer. She loved the teen so very much, even though she did crazy irrational things.
"Hey Lucas," she said, calling him once the bus began moving. "I've got her. She's okay. Thank God she is okay. We just got on the bus. It will take us over 2 hours to get there. Is Jamie alright?"
"Yeah, he is fine. He and I went to the game room in the hotel and played a bunch of games. I fed him pizza. He watched some cartoons and fell asleep in front of the TV. I moved him to the bed but he has been sleeping peacefully. He misses you and Sam a lot though. He kept asking me when the two of you would be back and if you had found her. He said Sam would love the games we played and the pizza we ate. He made me save some slices of pizza for the two of you. That boy, Brooke, he has the biggest heart!" Lucas gushed like a proud father.
"Wow, video games, pizza and TV! You sure know how to spoil him. He must have had the time of his life!" Brooke laughed but also felt strangely jealous, as if she now had to compete for Jamie's love.
"You did a phenomenal job with him Brooke. He is well-mannered and kind, polite and funny. He truly is perfect," Lucas said, easing Brooke's fears by a smidge. Just a little smidge.
Wow, she had never imagined that the story she had always told Jamie was in fact true. She really did not like sharing her kids. Even Rebecca had scared Brooke to bits, not that she would ever tell Sam that. She had felt so threatened by her, that she would take her away if she got to know who Sam was and claim her. Brooke could lose both her kids. Ice cold fear ran through her nerves instead of blood. Maybe she was the unlucky unloveable one. Her parents packed up their bags and left her with the help as soon as they could. All her boyfriends had been nothing but pigs with only one agenda in their minds and Brooke had given in to most of their charms. She thought things were different with Lucas but that had imploded in her face not once, but twice. Jamie had to have enjoyed the day more with Lucas. He had even slept without being read a story.
"Earth to Brooke," Lucas said on the phone when he met with silence on the receiving line.
"Oh, sorry. Yeah Jamie is great," she answered, her voice coming out all husky.
"You don't sound too great. Are you sure everything is okay?" he asked, catching the huskiness in her voice.
"Yeah, everything is great," she lied as she watched Sam sleeping in her arms. She was not ready to lose her new family. She did not want to be alone. Why did God or Destiny or Karma always threaten her to be alone? "I'll text you when we are close to the hotel, okay?"
"Sure," Lucas smiled. "See you soon, Pretty Girl."
Brooke closed her eyes on hearing that. He really had to change his habit and stop calling her that name!