Episode 2
Asuka's Dance of Deduction/I'll Make a Pilot Out of You!
There was something oddly calming about a synch test. The mechanical hum of the plug, the warm embrace of the LCL, the promise of a number one ranking at the end of the ordeal all were pleasant experiences. Her own mini spa day inside a giant death machine. Any day of the week that involved getting to connect with her precious Unit-02 would make her the happiest girl in the world.
Except today, as this synch test was taking place at the same time all of her classmates were flying to Okinawa for their yearly school trip. Misato saw her scowling form on screen next to her score.
"Asuka you gotta relax, your numbers are dropping. Try to imagine being somewhere else."
The number ticked down by half a percentage point.
"Crap."
"Poor choice of words," Ritsuko chimed in with a smile.
Misato switched off the external comms. "I honestly can't blame her. If I was stuck doing tests while my friends were having fun I'd be aggravated too. You got any ideas?"
The blond scientist raised her pen and pointed at all the expensive equipment and electronic charts around her. "NERV hired me to look after all this stuff and to make sure nothing breaks. Taking care of the emotional side of the pilots is your job, remember, guardian?"
It was the two things Misato hated the most about work: being wrong and Ritsuko being right about her being wrong.
"Oh, c'mon Rits, You have to have some extra insight for me."
She sighed in the same tone she would use back in college right before preparing herself for an all night cram session. "My psychologist training is telling me she's restless."
"You sure?"
Ritsuko raised an eyebrow then turned on the external comms channel. "So far nothing out of the ordinary here." She was still speaking directly to the captain but made sure a certain pilot was 'accidentally' overhearing the conversation. "Real interesting synch waves we're seeing. I'll probably analyze them further after my trip to the cafeteria."
Asuka's scowl deepened and another half a percentage point was lost.
Ritsuko flipped the comms switch to the off position.
"Yes, I'm very sure."
"Did you really have to tick Asuka off like that? Now we're going to have to deal with the backlash when we get home."
"And this is why I choose to live with cats."
Misato vowed to get back at her best friend but first she had to put her strategist brain to use.
"Guess it would be good to give the pilots a break. Lord knows they've earned it."
"I don't see any problems accommodating that request. The commander will not need to be updated in a while."
She smiled back. "Oh right!" A small data disk was fished out of her red jacket. "You asked for the synchronization training records. Sorry it took so long."
Ritsuko frowned. "I asked for this weeks ago!" She groaned. "The only thing worse than your punctuality is your cooking."
"I swear, you mess up one pack of instant curry and it haunts you for the rest of your life!" She turned to face the door. "Just call me if you need me."
"Will do." The door slammed to confirm her exit and Ritsuko produced a cigarette from her pocket. She didn't need to send these to Commander Ikari for at least a week but she decided she might as well be prepared. Various vital and performance charts passed by her watchful eyes, easily sorted into folders as if she was separating her burnable trash.
That was when she saw it. Two identical lines in perfect symmetry. This session stood in stark contrast with all the others that were either woefully lopsided or completely erratic.
The cigarette butt in her mouth hit the floor upon realizing the magnitude of this discovery.
Asuka was determined to chew out the first person she saw after leaving her plug. How dare that smarty pants, lab coat wearing killjoy rile her up like that! A flash of blue revealed her first target.
"Hey Wondergirl!" Her angry shouts collided against the heavy door that closed between them. "Damn."
A low growl and a sudden boot to the door placed her back in the hallway. She expected to find her more placid co-pilot somewhere in her vicinity but instead saw an empty space.
She was not going to get the runaround. Someone was going to face her wrath. Lord help whatever technician, janitor or random grunt that got in her way. She marched forward and was swallowed by the labyrinth that was the NERV corridor system. Now she was too lost to remember why she was so ticked off.
"Whose idea was it to keep the signs only in kanji!"
There was more to her woes than being directionally challenged. There was the new student to think about. Her fellow idiot classmates for some reason thought he was a pilot, which was a preposterous idea. If he was then she would have already known about it and she knew that when it came to Evangelion piloting, she knew it all.
Asuka was about to give up and call for help until she spotted a familiar patch of blonde hair belonging to NERV's chief scientist. She was talking to another technician in a hushed tone.
"This is some interesting data from the Second and Third Child."
Asuka's anger quickly gave way to her curiosity. She hid around a corner to listen in.
"I've done what you've said and gathered all the most recent pilot testing records along with the synch training charts that Captain Katsuragi shared. What did you have in mind?"
"Prep the Dummy Plug. We need to have all these uploaded to it by the end of day."
"Dummy Plug?" The German whispered.
"When do you think it will be ready to launch?"
"Too soon to tell. Ok, enough questions. You have your orders."
Then they were gone. Asuka emerged from her hiding spot looking more confused than ever.
"Is this Dummy Plug related to Eva?"
She had much to think about but she would need to wait until she figured a way out of this concrete fun house. Her foot landed on something damp and to her frustration she saw she walked onto a recently cleaned floor. The yellow "Wet Floor" sign told her all that she needed.
"Be careful!" The janitor's voice was on the verge of panicking. "Don't want you to slip and fall."
Asuka waved the warning aside. A well meaning sentiment, but she could take care of herself.
"It would be a nasty trip."
A vessel in her head burst.
"Trip? Triiiiiiiiiip?!"
With her temper reignited the poor janitor received a string of German curses that could put any grizzled army vet to shame.
"Tokyo-3 is going to be fun' dad said. He told me it's going to be like the other schools I transferred to. Course back then I never thought I would be spraining my ankle in the name of saving humanity!"
The injured boy did little to control his volume. It was only two days since everyone departed for Okinawa.. Even the elder sensei was not present, leaving his coveted Asuka mug behind on his desk.
"My old school thought I was weird and gave me dirty looks. That's all small time compared to everyone thinking you're an Evangelion pilot!"
The empty chairs did little to refute his claims. They were all bare with the exceptions of Kaito's desk as he left behind an unopened starter deck of the Asuka TCG with single player mode instructions as a "gift." The newest set came with a matching popcorn tin which the large boy planned on taking to the upcoming Asuka film festival later this year.
"God this school is weird!"
With his rant over, the boy slumped back into his chair. To say that no one was listening to his ramblings would be untrue as there was indeed someone else seated next to him. She just wasn't the most active conversation partner.
"Were you trying to acquire my attention?"
He wished he could say he'd gotten used to Rei's aloof nature but that too would be a lie. "I wouldn't mind if you wanted to share your thoughts."
Her index finger met her chin. "I was unaware that your previous comments were directed toward me and as such I exerted no effort in listening to you. If you wish to source my opinion, then I request a summary of what your previous statement."
His mouth was slightly agape. "You were able to tune all that out."
"As a designated Evangelion pilot that is exposed to classified information, I find it very useful to be able to block out and forget speech when needed. It has also proven to be valuable during my conversations with the Second Child."
"I'd imagine."
"I can show you a demonstration if you doubt my abilities. Try sharing some sensitive information with me and I'll show you how quickly I can disregard anything you say."
Her placid expression and tone made him uneasy. "I'll keep that in mind."
"You're not going to elevate your ankle?" Her tendency to suddenly change topics was another thing he had yet to get used to. "With no teacher present you can use your desk to leverage your leg."
The suggestion,while tempting, felt wrong to entertain. "It's ok Rei, I'll manage."
She slowly nodded. Her delicate movements brought a smile to his face. The one benefit of staying in Tokyo-3 at this time was that it increased the likelihood of talking to Rei alone. The deck of playing cards next to him got him thinking of his next question.
"Where's your merch?"
"Merch?"
"Your merchandise. Asuka has cards, mugs, video games and now apparently people are making movies about her. Shinji has an entire literature line. Meanwhile I haven't seen anything with your face on it."
She paused. He was still timing them to gauge feedback and found that they shrunk from a three second average to one and-a-half.
"The cosmetic club approached me once."
"We have a cosmetic club?" He stopped to correct himself. "Let me try that again. Why do we have a cosmetics club?"
Rei didn't have an answer to his question so she chose not to provide one.
"They sent me a sample for a new line of face masks they wanted to sell. The results were…. disrespectful."
"What do you mean?"
Rei removed the mask from her bag which was a thin plastic package with her face on it. She quickly tore it open and spread the mask wide then shifted her head next to it to make a side by side comparison. Seeing someone with a pale white face be asked to promote a pale white beauty mask made it easy for him to connect the dots. It was his turn to pause; two-and-a-half seconds long to be exact.
"Oh…"
"They also wanted my likeness for their sunscreen line. They were not impressed with the picture I gave them."
He took the bottle for closer inspection. The bottle was light blue and labeled "HydREItation" and had her photo looking directly into the camera with a neutral expression. He felt compelled to stare.
"You can have it."
"Huh?"
"The bottle. I have a lot more at home. While I do not like its visual branding, the product itself is quite effective. I do recommend it."
He laughed nervously. "Thanks, I'll make a note of that."
The classroom's doors opened and Asuka and Shinji walked inside. They were late to class in the same way someone could steal something that was free. He wondered what caused their delay.
"Guess who's number one on the sync charts today!"
The answer found him and he felt disappointed that he even had to ask for it. While he didn't necessarily hate the red haired pilot, he did want to minimize his contact with her. Having a door slam on your face had a funny effect like that. He prayed God would show him mercy today, especially since he was enjoying his time with Rei.
"Hey New Kid!"
Yup, God still wasn't done with having him be the butt of the joke of the universe.
"Yes?"
She picked up a catalog near her and thumbed through the pages then handed it to him. "You gonna vote in the upcoming film festival? Don't want any ole piece of schlock winning since I'm being asked to present the main award."
"Not sure if I'm going to be able to make it."
Shinji slipped into view with a smile on his face. "There are some amazing entries. I loved 'Asuka Strikes' for its cinematography and camera work but my number one vote has to go to 'On Growing Roses'.
"Ugg, you would pick a mushy one like that. The ending was too ambiguous for my taste."
"Have you two stopped and considered why we have an entire film competition dedicated to a single student?"
"No." Came their unified response.
"How did you two….oh right, the sync training."
They both nodded. Asuka read through the catalog and let out a wolf whistle.
"Woooow Shinji, you got yourself quite the imaginative fanbase. You don't look too shabby with an eye patch and a captain's hat."
His eyes shot wide and he grabbed the catalog out of Asuka's hands. She offered little resistance as she was in the middle of a laughing fit.
"Shinji the Swashbuckler' The next spiritual successor to the hit story 'Shinji the Casanova' is here but this time he has the spirit of Blackbeard the pirate trapped inside his head."
He did not like what he was reading.
"Watch as Eva pilot becomes Eva Buccaneer as he sails the seven seas looking for danger, adventure, and even romance."
Asuka fell out of her chair laughing.
"I don't even like pirates!"
The white haired boy was confused. "You telling me you're not bothered by being portrayed as a romantic lead type? Don't you feel like you're drowning from all this attention and just wanna split?"
He shrugged. "I guess it's flattering to see how I'm inspiring others to use their imagination."
There was a sincere sparkle in his eyes. Asuka for her part brought balance to the conversation by gagging.
"Though…." The sparkle was fading. "I really wish they didn't take so many *ahem* creative liberties with my appearance."
Asuka's eyes claimed the lost sparkle. They shimmered with mischief. "You for real? Let me see!"
She greedily snatched the catalog from his hands and doubled over laughing.
"Someone was delusional enough to draw you with an 8-pack! You got a secret workout regimen I don't know about?"
"It's from all the cringing I've been doing." He pouted.
"Look! 'Pilot of Love' is going to release its latest chapter soon. I bet you it's something corny like, 'Shinji goes on a theme park date then an angel attacks.'"
Shinji stopped blushing. "I don't think that's correct. Hitomi told me the latest published chapter was the school dance timeloop." Shinji's tone was becoming more serious as he spoke like a detective making a brilliant deduction. "The theme park date is only something our pre-readers would know."
A flash of panic hit her face but she recovered. "Well, that's because the story is so cliche that someone like me can easily guess what happens."
Asuka proceeded to throw the catalog out the window with all the grace of an elephant breakdancing in an antique store.
"Wow, so I feel like doing some school work! Yup, gotta stay on top of our studies so we don't fall behind."
She seized a number 2 pencil and proceeded to hastily jot down some notes.
"Didn't you read the email from Hikari? We don't have any extra assignments while they're away. Sensei wants us to just catch up on all the work we missed."
She snapped the pencil in half as if it was an angel's core.
"I said we gotta stay up to date on our studies, right Third? You do want to stay up to date with your studies, don't you?"
Shinji recalled the sense of fear he was feeling during his first angel fight and concluded it was the second scariest day in his life compared to right now.
"Ah yes…. homework."
Class (or what you would call class) continued for the rest of the day without incident.
Asuka collapsed into her bed after dinner. It was always the days where she had to do both Eva training and school that tired her out the most.
"How is it so tiring to do nothing?" She groaned into the sheets.
Today was the longest amount of time she had spent together with her fellow pilots outside of NERV, and she didn't find the whole ordeal miserable.
Correction.
Her fellow pilots and the New Kid.
She didn't know what to make of Tokyo-3's newest albino. The guy was far from being the walking doormat Shinji was, but wasn't exactly a shining example of confidence. Also, why was he staring at Rei? Nobody had been able to tell if they were related or not so their whole vibe gave her the heebie jeebies. One red eye creepo in her life was enough, but add in another and we've entered a new realm of weird.
"And to think everyone at school thinks he's a pilot. He's nothing like what a pilot should be; he's more like Shinji and Rei!"
Hold on, Shinji and Rei. There were only three active pilots on NERV's roster and even if she hated to admit it, Team Quiet had way more members than Team Beautiful Confident Geniuses. Could it be that her type was actually in the minority? NERV was showing their preference to recruiting shy, gloomy pilots and if that was the case then New Kid certainly fit the type.
No, this was stupid. There was no way NERV would have a whole-ass pilot and not tell anyone, right? What was the point of being a pilot if you weren't allowed to shout that fact to the world? Then again, she didn't know about the Dummy Plug either. Whatever it was, at least it was Eva adjacent, and that meant it was going to be her business sometime soon.
She had to look at this objectively. Ignoring his bloody red eyes and inability to be heard in a crowd, did New Kid have the physical and mental aptitude fit for a pilot? She remembered feeling insulted looking at his 100% score during the synch training. Misato seemed to have an uncanny ability to snicker everytime she brought up this fact to her. Her snickers were annoying so there was little reason to ask why. It wasn't even that serious of an exercise, it was a dumb test that awarded a dumb score.
The gears began to turn in Asuka's brain.
"Dumb test. Dumb score." She repeated like a mantra.
"Dumb test."
"Dumb score."
"Dummy plug."
Oh no. Oh no no no no, this was bad. This was really bad. Were the rumors true? New Kid stood on trial for a while with a recital of wild tales cycled by the rank and file, but she refused to abandon her deduction at this junction for her gumption would not stop this function. The sum of her thoughts had her gun for the pale bum on the run from the sun who might be the dumb dummy in the dummy plug when it was all said and done.
Was it all true? Was New Kid an Eva pilot? She wanted one more piece of evidence before she could properly develop her findings. It was absolutely impossible to be completely secretive about the subject. Even someone as reserved as Shinji blabbed to the whole class that he was the pilot of Unit-01. She searched her memory for any clues that she initially missed; focusing intently on the albino boy's words.
"Don't you feel like you're drowning from all this attention and just wanna split?"
"A ha! You thought you were so clever New Kid, speaking in code, but your ploy was short lived."
'Feel like drowning' was an obvious reference to their fight on Over the Rainbow and how their battle went underwater. Meanwhile 'you wanna split' was him talking about their most battle against that self cloning bastard that forced her through all that embarrassing training to begin with.
The thrill of unraveling a closely guarded secret was short-lived, as now she discovered a new problem. With Rei, Shinji, and now New Kid as her colleagues, she was starting to see that none of them possessed even half the passion and drive for piloting as she did. This lack of enthusiasm could prove to be a fatal flaw and as humanity's shining beacon of hope she would not let such lackadaisical attitudes stand.
Once again, it was up to her to clean up NERV's mess— and she knew just how to do it.
In the apartment right above the Eva pilots, an albino boy felt a lingering sense of dread. The feeling was loud, boisterous, and for some reason gave off a red hue.
"I'm not going to like tomorrow, am I?"
He resigned himself to his fate, then returned his attention back to his father's commercial. The larger man was dressed in a black leather jacket with a giant machine gun, blasting waves of unidentifiable enemies in front of him. A stray bullet hit a fuel tanker, triggering an explosion and collapsing the bridge above it. A warning message of "Don't try this at home" flashed on screen.
He had no idea if this was his dad being sincere or ironic at that moment.
"Be the one man army you always knew you were at Adam's Armaments! With our amazing deals…." He donned a pair of sunglasses. "You'll be back!"
Adam sat on a motorcycle and drove away into the sunset while a familiar jingle played.
"Aaaaaaadaaaaaaaam."
He would never get used to his dad's larger than life antics.
"You really love being in front of the camera."
"What can I say, I'm a natural at acting. But then again, I could say the same for everything else."
The boy looked at the living room trophy case with its staggering amount of awards. He counted at least four Karate championships, three national Judo qualifiers; awards in sharpshooting, speed shooting, and shooting hoops and finally, five bakesale awards.
"Ah yes. Adam's Amazing Apple Pie! Truly a force to be reckoned with. You could say it's…."
"Amazing." He finished his dad's sentence and was awarded a playful hair ruffle. "Except mom's got you beat in that department and many more."
There was a second (larger) trophy case with its own staggering award collection. This one had several TKD championships, poker trophies, quick draw qualifiers, directorial awards and even a Michelin Star after her brief stint as a Korean Fusion chef.
"Oh, I wish your mom was here to see this." Adam said solemnly.
"Dad, Mom is just at work. You saw her this morning!"
"And I miss her every day."
He sighed. This kind of behavior was normal for his parents. His mom would react in a similar manner whenever she was alone at home without her husband. They were definitely soul mates.
"I'm going to bed. Night dad."
"Night son. Love you!"
The door to his room closed and the sense of dread returned. He knew some way, somehow, tomorrow was going to be really, really bad and it was surely going to be at his expense.
"Can I help you?" Asuka was looking at the Fourth Child. His grim expression and haggard eyes made him look more like a man on death row than a brave defender of Earth. If all went according to plan, this was something she was going to change.
"I believe I came to a hasty conclusion a few days ago," she replied. Admitting that she was wrong was one of the toughest things she ever had to do. However, she was the best, and the best were good enough to humble themselves for the greater good.
New Kid blinked slowly.
"After careful consideration of all the evidence, I am inclined to believe that you are indeed an Evangelion pilot."
He stammered. Most likely due to him being acknowledged by someone as great as her. "I think you are mistaken."
Asuka felt her composure cracking.
"You've just been graced by my words of praise and you throw them back at me? You really are a dummy."
"I am not a pilot. I don't understand why everyone thinks I am but I can assure you that I have gone nowhere near NERV or the Evas!"
There was still a chance to resolve things peacefully. Asuka tried to play it nice one more time before things got nasty.
"You can drop the act New Kid. There's no one else you need to maintain your cover for. It's just us, your fellow pilots."
"I really don't think you understand."
Ok, time to get nasty. She slammed her palms on his desk to get him to notice.
"Listen dummy!"
"I have a name."
"And it's dummy, you dummy! I know about the dummy plug!"
Everyone else looked confused.
"Dummy plug," he repeated. "Uhh, the electrical outlet is over there."
"Shut up!" Askua slammed her palms a second time causing the desk to jostle widely. "You telling me that my initial conclusions were correct would mean that I am wrong right now, and if I'm wrong right now when I thought I was wrong before, when I was right, means I would be double-wrong, right?"
"I'm starting to lose the plot."
"So jot the plot if your brain got caught in knots! Your lies are worth squat cause you were taught on the spot. You're a pilot whether you like it or not!"
He groaned louder. Fighting Asuka was pointless. Might as well give up now so he could get this over with.
"Fine, what do you want?"
She smiled. It was a smile that reminded him of that lingering sense of dread from the day before.
"Follow me."
"I hereby declare Asuka's Elite Pilot School officially starting now!"
Everyone inside the gymnasium was confused by the statement. Asuka unleashed an aggressive stare with an overly loud throat clear which cued Shinji and Rei to provide an awkward round of applause. She was most displeased.
"Your enthusiasm is infectious," she said dryly. She threw her shoulders back and assumed a posture reminiscent of a drill sergeant. "This is a wonderful opportunity that you should not squander. We are the best but even we can do better than our best, because we're the elite! Any questions?"
Shinji was the first to raise his hand.
"Of course the idiot would have trouble understanding such a simple statement!"
He ignored the insult. "It's just… why? We already get enough training from NERV. Do you really think we need more?"
"It's my job to whip you sorry sacks into halfway presentable candidates!" She first pointed at Rei. "You're too passive." Then to Shinji. "You're too pensive." Finally, to the newest addition to their group. "And you're just pathetic."
The three teens all kept their sighs to themselves.
"Ok, time for roll call! I want to hear a big introduction from everyone. When I point, you say your name and what child you are, ok?"
She accepted their silence as an agreement.
"Ok, start!" She pointed toward Rei. She took a small step forward.
"First Child, Rei Ayanami." Her voice was just above a whisper but they took it as an acceptable volume.
Asuka pointed at herself. "Second Child. Asuka Langley Soryu!" Her greeting was loud enough to echo throughout the gym and rattle the walls.
She then turned the finger to Shinji.
"Umm…" The pressure was already getting to him. "Third Ikari, Shinji Children!" Asuka kicked his leg which was her subtly telling him to go again. "Third Child. Shinji Ikari."
The three pilots looked toward their newest addition. He hated being here, but at the very least he had a proper chance to introduce himself.
"The name's—"
"Not so fast New Kid!" Asuka interjected. "As the new pilot in town, you don't get a name. New Kid is more than enough."
"Asuka?" Shinji sounded like he wanted to make a point.
"This better be good."
"Well, if he's going to be training with us then I think something more fitting than 'New Kid' is going to be needed."
He thanked God that Shinji was around. Finally he was going to be shown the respect he deserved.
"How about Cadet?"
He really needed to stop thanking God for stuff.
"Great suggestion Shinji! Ok, New Kid, When we're training, we're calling you Cadet. Got it?"
The albino was starting to become rather agitated. "No I don't 'got it!' This whole thing is absurd! Why the hell am I here? For the last time— I'M. NOT. A. PILOT!"
Everyone gasped at the outburst. No one had the courage to yell at Asuka like that. Shinji expected him to be killed on the spot but instead, his roommate grinned.
"And it's because of that attitude you're not a pilot, but you can bet your ass I will change that. When I'm through with you, you'll love piloting so much that you'll be giving it chocolates during Valentine's day!"
"White Day," Rei interrupted.
"What day?"
"White Day is what you're thinking of. Unlike Western culture, it is women who give gifts for Valentines Day and since being a pilot is a theoretical concept and thus can not grasp a box of—"
"Ok I get it, Japanese culture is weird!" She scoffed and brought her attention back to the new cadet. "Since you are so spirited, I think you should have the honor of being our first participant!"
Asuka was doing a great job making his life miserable. He wanted to run but his escape would easily be thwarted thanks to his injured foot (also Asuka's doing). The ill omen from before as now it was screaming its head off. He hated being right.
"Are you ready for your first lesson, Cadet?"
"If I say no, will you take that as a sign to leave me alone?"
"No."
"At least I tried."
"Rei! Shinji! To your stations!"
Shinji produced a clipboard. Rei walked out of sight. Asuka placed her hands on her hips and the new cadet swallowed his nerves. The three pilots were coordinated and coordination meant organization and organization meant things were going to get very very bad.
"Lesson One. An Eva pilot always needs to be ready as the enemy will strike without warning."
Shinji lifted his gaze from the clipboard. "Actually Asuka, thanks to NERV's technological advancements, we can easily detect any Angel within the city limits, so these attacks will come with a warning. That's why we have the angel alerts."
He looked so proud remembering that factoid. She almost regretted the need to wipe the smile off his face. Almost.
"It's a rhetorical statement, stupid!" She switched back to her instructor tone. "As I was saying, they could strike without warning!"
A flash of movement was all he could see in the corner of his eye before he was pelted with something firm and airy. A hollow boing sound echoed in the gym along with the laughs of the Second Child.
"Great shot Rei!"
The target of the attack recovered his posture and cradled his temple while he looked for the offending object. It was a blue dodgeball, acquired from the equipment room.
"What the Hell was that?!"
"Shinji!" Asuka snapped her fingers, and he flipped to the first page on the clipboard which was then read out loud.
"Sachiel, the third angel." He was unusually happy when he read that line. "Hey, that's my first fight."
"These things have names?" The sting of the dodgeball has not left his head. "As in, proper names you have to put a capital letter in front of?"
"Indeed." Shinji turned the clipboard around to show his notes. "These are the official NERV printouts given to the public when they document the attacks. They're quite comprehensive."
The albino boy groaned.
"Listen up New Kid…."
Shinji raised his finger. "It's Cadet, Asuka."
"New Cadet. Whatever. Angel attacks are sudden and dangerous. You need to always be ready as these battles are life and death."
"I fail to see how getting hit in the head by—"
WHAP
"OUCH!"
His head recoiled again as the ball struck the same spot with surgical precision. Shinji returned to the clipboard.
"That would be…" He thumbed through more pages. "The fourth angel, Shamshel! Oh, I didn't like this one, but it was good experience for me. Thanks to it, I got to meet Touji and Kensuke."
Asuka faced him. "This is how you became the other Stooges? Maybe you should have taken the dive in that fight."
The other boy ignored the two bickering roommates. "Rei!" He turned to face his deskmate; she was standing next to a large rack of balls with one more in her hand. "You're part of this too?"
She nodded. "Pilot Soryu requested my assistance. Her teachings, while unorthodox, are a useful means of training outside of Eva."
"Have you forgotten that I am currently injured, with a bad ankle?"
"I have not. It is why I am aiming for your temple. Meanwhile the small mass of these balls make it very difficult for me to knock you over and risk further damage to your leg. I have concluded this training drill is completely safe, even with your current mobility limitations."
"You're so considerate," he responded sarcastically.
"Your compliments are unnecessary."
He was unsure if she was responding to his sarcasm in kind or being earnest.
"Cadet! The goal is to NOT get beaned in the dome."
Shinji was a lot more positive. "You can do it!"
"It's very difficult to do anything when I'm being blindsided while trying to tell you that this is ridiculous!"
WHAP
This time the albino didn't bother to yell at the others; instead, he calmly straightened himself. He tried to smile, to put on a brave face, but everyone watching could see he was crying inside.
Shinji flipped another page. "Ramiel, the fifth angel. Ohhhh, this was that floating diamond. I really didn't like that one."
Asuka raised an eyebrow. "Any particular reason why?"
Shinji's posture shrunk "Lazers."
"And?"
"Lazers hurt."
"Duly noted."
The injured albino shook his head to gain his bearings back. "Wonderful throw, Rei," the cadet said through clenched teeth. He turned toward her direction, towards the blue haired girl and was met with another dodgeball to the face. He forced another smile out again. "Let me guess, the sixth angel?"
Rei shook her head. "It's Ramiel again. We fought it twice."
"Then when did you pelt me right on the nose? Couldn't you have hit me in the side of the head, like all the other times?"
"We were prepared for the second battle and I felt that was the best way to simulate those conditions, as you were able to see that one coming."
He smashed his palm into his face. It did little to chase the stinging sensation away but it sure felt good in the moment.
Asuka clapped her hands to signal to everyone she wanted their attention.
"This is the last battle so make it count as it's near and dear to my heart," Asuka barked. She peered at the clipped board and beamed with joy. "We're doing Gaghiel. That was when Shinji and I fought underwater."
"And how on Earth are you going to simulate that?"
He found his answer when the Third Child stepped into view holding a bucket of water which was splashed against his face.
"Sorry." His expression was similar to a puppy that ate their owner's homework. Suddenly his eyes shifted and his face became serious.
"DUCK!" He shouted
The two boys moved on instinct just in time to watch a blue ball sail over their heads. It hit a nearby wall and rolled slowly.
"Great job Cadet."
"Thanks to you man."
They smiled together, the spirit of kinship emerging. That was, until Asuka's voice cut through the camaraderie.
"Cheater! You cheated!" You just can't jump in and help out the New Kid. You ruined the whole exercise, Shinji!"
"But Asuka…."
"What?!"
"If that was meant to represent our battle with the sixth angel then wouldn't that mean it's ok for me to help, given that we did the same?"
"Ohhh, now you wanna get smart with me. If you had even a fraction of this intelligence out there then I wouldn't have to save your ass so much!"
The two roommates bickered and left the third participant in the training exercise alone to his own devices. The novelty of being seen as an Eva pilot was wearing thin, as thin as his tolerance for pain. He got doors slammed on him, a sprained ankle, and now he'd spent the last hour being beaned in the skull by rubber projectiles. The argument continued and showed no signs of stopping, the subject changing quickly as it covered topics from boring Japanese meals to the color of the bento boxes that were packed. If he planned his moves right, he could slip away undetected.
He was ready for his escape but something round and rubbery brushed against his hand.
"...and honestly, would it kill you to cook something else besides rice, vegetables and fish?!"
"It's what's most affordable. If you want something different then maybe you can help with shopping."
Shinji wanted to say more. He wanted to vent but when he saw a round blue object fly toward them, any objections about chores would have to wait for later.
"ASUKA!"
The German spun on a dime. The blue dodgeball was fast, but she was faster. She was trained in multitudes of hand-to-hand combat that honed her body to be a lethal weapon. Her fists were chambled and her legs were ready to recoil like a spring. Once she was in range her counterattack would be quick, brutal, and glorious.
That was until Shinji started to move.
Somehow, he managed to get in front of her. Lacking any of her training and poise, he was not equipped to deflect the oncoming attack, and instead met the object with his face and was knocked over for his troubles. She didn't know why, but she found her protective urges kicking into overdrive while she picked the ball off the floor.
"Oh, you're a dead man!"
She hurled the ball at the white haired boy. In her anger fueled hands it was less a toy and more a bullet that sliced through the air with great force. He froze in place, deathly scared at the round sphere that became the embodiment of Asuka's fury that threatened to take his head off. Faced with the threat of instant death, he did something he was unable to do all day.
He moved.
It was less of a dodge and more of an awkward pivot. His body's axis shifted just enough to avoid the dodgeball and he watched it sail overhead with glee. His smile lasted three fourths of a second as that was the length of time it took for the ball to fly into the air and straight into Rei Ayanami.
The First child's head buckled slightly and she quickly regained her composure. It was then Asuka noticed two things.
One, Rei was holding a dodgeball in each hand.
Two, she was still near the ball rack and had access to many more.
The lessons and lectures were abandoned to make room for a four way dodgeball war. Shinji, Asuka, Rei and the New Kid grabbed what they could, aimed at whomever, and laughed from the bottom of their hearts. They might have entered this gym as Eva pilots learning how to fight and kill, but for this one brief moment of time, they got to exist as children.
Gym equipment scattered the floor but the children present were too tired to clean it. Shinji and Asuka had long since left the building (at the redhead's request), leaving the two albinos behind who both were laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling.
"Rei, you ok?" He asked in between shallow breaths.
"I believe I am." she responded. Her breathing was less shallow.
By now the late afternoon sunset crept through the windows giving the gymnasium a subtle orange glow. They both sat up and looked at each other. One of them carried a regretful look.
"Sorry for causing you to get hit."
"It was only mildly uncomfortable. Truth be told I am glad it happened. I am always absent whenever games like these are played due to my obligations at NERV. Today was great for satisfying my curiosity."
He giggled. "Me too. At my previous schools I always sat on the bench as nobody wanted 'the creepy red eyed kid' on their team. I could see myself enjoying this game more if I didn't have to catch so many blows to the head." He rubbed his temples as there was some lingering pain. "You got a killer pitch Rei, anyone ever tell you that?"
"Your compliment is understandable."
There was a lengthy pause and a small shift in her movement. Gently, she reached out to caress his face and temple as she spoke quietly.
"Minor abrasions around the forehead." Her touch was delicate, confident, and demanded his attention. "Small scratches near the eye, nothing to cause concern." Her inspection brought her face close to his, and he found his breath caught in his throat at the sight. However, he felt his heart stop the moment Rei gingerly clasped both his cheeks into the palm of her hands.
"While a single dodgeball blow is only a minor threat, it is still good practice for me to confirm if you sustained a concussion or not."
All he could do was nod. Her skin was soft and her touch was comfortably warm. He was proud of himself for not stammering, staying polite, and not looking like a gigantic idiot in front of the First Child.
"No erratic eye movements. I can conclude you are still healthy."
"Thanks." He whispered.
She nodded.
"Hey Rei,"
She tilted her chin to better face him. This was not her usual one-and-a-half second pauses. Instead she was waiting for him to continue the lead.
"Remember when you asked if I was like you, what did you mean?"
Now she was pausing. A whopping five seconds. He was starting to think he asked something offensive.
"I…." the words escaped her lips but not unlike the quiet flow she normally had. There was a slight hesitation, like the way a river moves past a giant rock in its path. "Pilot Ikari and Pilot Soryu are like me in terms of age, abilities and duty but still I stand out. The isolation. I wanted to know if you felt it too and if you still feel it now."
He lifted his head backwards to take in the orange glow of the sun. He indeed was alone most of his life. Constantly moving and being singled out for your appearance did little to build a healthy social life. However Rei was different, a unique girl with a unique duty. She stood on an island of her own within a galaxy all to herself. He understood what she felt but could he ever relate?
"I can never say I know what it's like to feel how you feel as you are you but…" internally he braced himself. "Yeah…that feeling that eats at you when you stand out even when you do your best to try to hide as you know everyone is judging you for just existing. I feel it too."
An uncomfortable silence emerged. Something was changing between the two. It was a delicate moment.
Rei spoke in an even quieter tone as if to avoid shattering it. "Would you mind checking on my condition as well?"
His eyes became wide like saucers. So much for not looking like a gigantic idiot.
"Are you sure?!"
"Indeed. It is impossible for me to confirm or deny the adverse effects of head trauma. This is a simple examination that I will need your assistance in."
He stammered. "What do you n-need me to d-d-do?"
"Are you sure you're fine? I noticed a sudden change in your speech. It's become erratic, and you're slurring."
He quickly fixed his posture and assumed a more confident stance.
"I'm fine Rei!"
"Very well. Please confirm if there are any large cuts near my face."
He moved his hand gently across the sides of her face making sure to make the faintest of contact with the back of his hand. Outside of some deep red marks and a few welts nothing looked out of place.
"Nothing out of the ordinary here.."
"Thank you."
Suddenly she grasped his hands and repeated the same gesture as before but this time placing his palms onto the sides of her face.
"Please inform me if you see any unusual movement within my eyes."
The boy gasped slightly when he saw them. A pair of red eyes, a sight he'd only seen before in his own reflection, were now staring right at him. What he thought was only unique to him, he'd found in someone else. The unfamiliar became familiar, and the familiar was her.
He struggled to find the words. "You….you look *ahem* …good."
"I am glad." She dropped his hands. He couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment grow in his chest when they broke physical contact.
The air between them grew still, yet it was inviting. He had just one question for her.
"Do you believe in those pilot rumors? That I'm some sort of Fourth Child?"
He could see her treating the answer very seriously.
"While I am the First Child, there are many secrets at NERV that the commander has hidden from me. I can not confirm your status as a pilot, but I also can not deny the possibility."
He looked confused. It was quite the tangled answer for the straightforward girl.
"However, when thinking about your status, I find the possibility agreeable."
He couldn't help but smile at that sentence."I find your presence to be agreeable as well."
She nodded.
Fatigue took over and he collapsed backwards. The entire session had been draining, as even just standing around took a lot of energy on account of the fact that he was placing most of his weight on his good leg. While contemplating what to do next, he felt her hands grip his ankle brace and lift his leg slightly, then in one smooth motion she placed a dodgeball under the gap, where it made for a surprisingly effective pillow.
"Now you can have your leg elevated as I recommended."
She proceeded toward the exit without saying goodbye, leaving him behind to contemplate what he should do next. His chaotic thoughts swirled about but one thing was for certain— for the first time all day, his ankle had stopped crying out in pain.
EPILOGUE
Asuka crudely removed the alcohol wipe from the apartment's first aid kit. Only under the living room's lights did she see a stray cut left behind by a rogue dodgeball on the corner of Shinji's mouth. She dabbed at the tiny wound and watched him squirm in place.
"Ouch! That really hurts!"
She scoffed. "Serves you right for trying to act like a hot shot. I could have easily handled myself out there and you just had to go muck it up!"
"I'm sorry, ok!" She pressed the patch on his mouth again. "Ow! Are you doing this on purpose?"
"If you stayed still then it wouldn't hurt as much!"
His squirming was minimized.
"What happened? You knew that I was in no danger."
"I don't know what came over me. I just didn't…" He struggled to get the words out.
"You just didn't, what?" She did her best to tug them out.
"I just didn't…want you to get hurt. You take a lot of pride in your appearance and would probably not like a big red dodgeball mark on your face." In a split second Asuka saw something different in the boy she usually mocked. It was ias if he grew a few centimeters taller in front of her.
Asuka's steady hand faltered and she dropped the patch on the floor. "I told you to stay still and you go and say something like that. God, you're such an idiot!" She packed up the medkit so that it could be taken back to its proper place in the bathroom. Disappearing inside the doorway and closing it shut, she allowed herself to smile in the mirror for a brief moment.
"You did look kinda cool out there."
Back in the living room, Shinji wore a similar smile.
END
Author Notes
So yes, the New Kid series got another chapter. I'm honestly having a lot of fun writing this as it has been a while since we've seen comedy fics in Eva get circulated. Meanwhile for any Bojack Horseman fans I hope you all caught how I was giving Asuka Princess Carolyn style tongue twisters
Thank you for Antipodean and Hariton from the AsuShin Discord.
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