Chapter Notes:
I put some warnings in the end notes, with some spoilers in them. For anyone sensitive to self-harm, panic attacks, gore, and whatever is going on between Mei-mei and her brother, they may want to check the end notes and skip. There is a few other less common triggers, which warnings are a bit of a spoiler, and I didn't think I would need to mark them, but I included them in the end notes just in case. Obviously, it has spoilers.
The markings are asterisks, as before. One * marks the start of the warnings, and three , marks the end. There is a short bit in between the two major parts that I thought was nice, so you might want to read it in between.
That damn nightmare was keeping her awake. She tried to go back to sleep again, she really did. The final image of Yu-nii's slumped body, more blood and torn flesh than skin, seemed to be superimposed on her vision, reappearing whenever she closed her eyes.
She couldn't seem to get away from the memories of that dream. Memories of watching herself, looking on as Yu-nii screamed in a way that she had never heard before and the bear curse pinned him to the ground and tore a hole in his torso with one giant paw, tearing into his stomach, letting his intestines spill out onto the floor. She could see his spine from through the hole it left, before the blood spilling out covered it.
The final bite, right through his skull as the curse's teeth broke through his skull like it was made of paper, was the blow that finally made his voice go silent.
She had just been standing there.
Like a man who had been nothing but kind and gentle with her wasn't getting murdered in front of her. The man who told her to call him her older brother and acted like it too.
Lovely symbolism, really, she might have been impressed with her subconsciousness. She was working towards saving Yu-nii, she really was!
She already told Geto, and that was far more than she had initially intended. That was her own bid for establishing trust, as much as it terrified her. You can't trust someone without being vulnerable. She had that at least, in spades.
Eventually, she let her eyes shut again. Someone's arm was thrown over her stomach, so she followed it blindly until she reached their wrist, and let herself feel their heartbeat, trying to reassure herself.
Everyone was ok.
The future was not guaranteed.
Panicking about it right now was just pointless.
She could think about how irrational it was all that she wanted, it didn't stop her heart from seeming to stutter in her chest, or that awful, familiar chill. It didn't stop her breath from coming in short, shallow bursts, and she twisted around, burying her face in the blankets. Her plush was gone, and it was too dark to see who had stolen it in their sleep.
She didn't even know how Yu Haibara died, let alone when. The next mission that he went on, he could never come back. She had changed so much already too, who's to say that someone else didn't get that mission instead. How many people could die because she just threw a rock into the water without even considering what the ripples would turn into tidal waves?
Oh shit.
There was gonna be a tsunami in 2011. It was… May, maybe? She had to tell Geto about it.
Where did it hit again? Not Tokyo, not Okinawa, where was it? Not Kyoto. If they listed all the islands of Japan for her, would she be able to remember?
Was it in May or was it in March? Early in the year, definitely.
If she couldn't remember, would all of those deaths be on her hands? How many school shootings could she prevent if she had just paid fucking attention to anything! Not one date, not one measly location was in her memories. Just because it hadn't been anyone that she knew meant that she could just stick her head in the sand and pretend that everything was alright.
Nothing was alright!
She wanted to scream, and to move, to get up and pace, but that arm was still thrown over her head, and someone else's leg was thrown over her waist, like it was keeping her pinned down. She wanted to cry but she would just wake everyone up after that horrible day that they had had yesterday.
She bit down slightly on the joint of her thumb, where it connected to the rest of her hand, just trying to be quiet. She didn't want to scratch up her arms trying to relieve the jittery stress she was feeling. She always wanted to bite something when she was overstimulated or very upset, and it seemed like four year old her was less able to control the urge. The fact that she was shivering violently really didn't help.
She was going to wake everyone up and they would all want to know what was wrong.
Her chest felt tight, there was a weight on her chest, stopping her from taking a complete breath, and it made small spots appear in her vision.
Why are you having a breakdown, Midori-chan, they would ask. Oh nothing, she would say, her past life was an idiot and now tens of thousands of people were going to die preventable deaths, oh and by the way, she knew how almost all of them were going to die too, would they like the list alphabetically, or chronologically?
Someone's hand suddenly brushed her arm, making her jump with a muffled squeak and an involuntary bite deeper into her hand, immediately dropping it and lifting her head up. She tasted a little blood on her teeth and pressed her hand into her nightgown. It was a black one, hopefully no one would notice any blood in the morning.
"Are you cold, Midori?" Nanami's voice asked, his voice barely audible. He sounded half asleep still, only vaguely conscious. Small mercies.
"Yeah." She whispered back, and he wasted no time dragging her out from under the unknown person's arm and pulling her right under a blanket, and to her surprise, dragged her right into his arms too.
He was startlingly warm, and just that was enough to start soothing the panic that still fluttered about in her brain. She kept her hand pressed into her pajamas. It didn't hurt too badly, hopefully it had already stopped bleeding.
Her shivers, and she wasn't sure how much of it was from cold and how much was from her pounding heart, started to ease, and being able to hear Nanami's steady breathing was perfect for grounding herself again.
She would never reach the future, only ever the present. It wasn't as reassuring a thought as she had hoped but it was better than nothing. Anything to cling to that would stop her downhill slide, long enough for her to claw her way back up to relative stability.
All she wanted was for it to be morning already. But for that to happen with any form of speed, she had to try sleeping again.
For a little while, she actually managed it.
But waking up from another nightmare, watching Nanami's already charred body explode and hearing that horrible giggle from Mahito, it didn't feel like nearly enough. Not with the whisper from somewhere behind her, a soft distressed call of a name. Itadori didn't deserve to lose everyone he loved, and she had a chance to stop it... Could she even do anything to stop whatever Mr. Body Stealer was planning?
Itadori was related to the brain guy, because he had taken over Itadori's mother before she had him, as far as she was aware at least. People on Instagram really did not hold back on spoilers. It's not like she wasn't grateful for it for once, because it meant she knew about it. But learning about Gojo had hurt.
She was done trying to sleep today.
The room was lightening just a little bit, so she squirmed her way out of Nanami's arm and staggered out of the room, around the various teenagers sprawled out around the room.
Geto's head was on Gojo's chest, and Gojo's arms were wrapped around him, both of them dead to the world still. It was enough to bring a slight smile to her face, the two idiots.
Yaga looked up as she opened the door, and she made sure to keep her sore hand against her side, out of sight.
"Early morning." He commented, one eyebrow arching just to flex his superior genetics on her. Both bodies she had lived in had been incapable of moving only one eyebrow, and she was filled with disappointment. She wanted to be cool like that!
"Too many people." She told him softly, and her voice sounded exhausted. So much for trying to pretend everything is fine.
"I'll get breakfast ready in an hour, if you want a snack before then, there are carrots in the fridge." He said finally after looking her over more closely, setting down his pen to give her his full attention. She kept her hand against her side, out of view.
Yaga had a stack of paperwork in a box next to him and a clipboard in hand. An abandoned knitting project was in front of the box, and he had been sitting leaning against the wall. Had he really been here all night, watching over his students just to give them a little peace?
She nodded to him and walked quickly towards her room, hands held stiffly against her sides in a way that she knew that Yaga would take note of. Only keeping one hand close to her body would draw his attention to that hand. Keeping both hands close made her posture look stiff, and odd, but wouldn't raise alarm bells like she was trying to hide an injury.
She held her injured hand up in front of her after she rounded the corner, taking a look in the dim light. There wasn't too much dried blood. It looked like only her canines had dug in enough to draw blood, the rest leaving only reddish marks.
Still, it was clearly a bite. Maybe she could get Ieiri to heal her without asking too many questions if she acted embarrassed enough. She could say that she wanted to know how hard she could bite. Kids were weird, alarmingly so at times.
She took a shower first thing once she got to her room, just to wash the blood off. She brushed her teeth, she got dressed, like everything was normal.
It was that kinda day already. The one where everything just felt off. The one where it felt like everyone was angry, including her. It was the worst type of day, second only to the morning after a death in the family.
So, she just jumped on the bed, letting herself faceplant into the covers. Could she just lay here until she felt better?
She didn't know how long she laid there until there was a hesitant knock on the door.
"Midori-chan?"
She adored Yu-nii, she really did, but if she had to face that beautiful smile after the night, she just had she would either burst into tears or lash out, and he really didn't deserve either action.
"I'll be out for breakfast in a few minutes!" She called back, trying hard not to sound short-tempered. Undoubtedly it wasn't the cheerful response that he had probably expected, but it was the best she had to offer.
"Want me to walk with you?" He asked, still speaking through the door. His tone was softer, more subdued.
She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn't see.
"You don't have to wait for me! I know the way!" She said, forcing her tone to brighten, and finally he agreed softly, leaving her in silence once more.
She just… didn't want to look everybody in the eyes right now. She didn't want to go and eat breakfast, she didn't want to smile and go and play in the forest. What she wanted more than anything was to sleep, but the thought of seeing those or new, more creative, nightmares made her nauseous.
Slowly, she rolled out of bed and opened the door. It should have surprised her to meet Haibara's eyes as she stepped through the doorway.
She just stared down at the floor instead, and her hand stayed limp in his as he took it. To his credit, he didn't say a word as he led her to the cafeteria. What would she have done if he did? Just started screaming until her voice gave out? He struck her as the type of person to have siblings. Could he tell when a kid was on the edge of a tantrum of epic proportions?
Things went quiet as they entered, her eyes still glued to the floor. Haibara made a gesture of some sort using his free hand, then led her to a bench, right next to Nanami, and sat down next to her. Nanami didn't say anything either. Did he even remember helping her during the night?
When Yaga set a slightly messy pancake on her plate in front of her, she burst into tears on the spot. He set the pan down and held his hand out to her. He didn't pull her into a hug, just offered his hand, and when she took it shakily, he just held her hand gently.
She needed to explain herself, clearly.
"I really didn't sleep very well." She managed to force out, and he just nodded.
"Would you like to take a nap after you eat?" He offered, ever the problem solver.
All she could do was shake her head, and the sobs that had just started abating were back in full force. Damn, and she had just thought she might be able to stop crying.
She dropped Yaga's hand to hide her face as her shoulders shook. Something soft brushed her hands, and she looked up to see black fuzz. Riko held her stuffed animal out to her, just the same way as she had the day prior.
She took it gratefully, letting it rub against skin and pressing the side of her face into it. The softness was nice, much nicer than her hands.
She tilted sideways, and like he always was, Haibara was there to catch her and wrap her a gentle hug. She buried her face in his shoulder, plush held crushingly tight in her arms, so tightly her arms shook.
Eventually, the tears stopped falling, and her eyesight cleared. She didn't feel better so to speak. She just stopped crying.
"Did something happen?" Yaga asked gently, and Nanami was quick to make himself scarce, joining the others who were eating quietly and all facing conspicuously away from her, and Yaga took his place beside her.
At least they were attempting to give her a little privacy.
"Just nightmares." She whispered back. Please don't pry right now, she really didn't want to think about it.
"You will have to sleep eventually." He pointed out, still achingly gentle.
She shook her head, and wasn't sure whether it was out of rejection or just plain old denial that she even needed to sleep.
"I know. They'll just come back again if I try to go to sleep now though."
He sighed.
"Would you like to talk about them?" He asked, and he didn't seem surprised when she shook her head violently. Absolutely not!
Just dreaming about the deaths of two of his students, no biggie.
She could handle it.
There wasn't really anyone else who she could share this with either. It was possible that she could tell Geto, but she didn't want to weigh him down when he was already struggling. He should be focused on his own problems, not hers.
It wasn't like her dreams were actually prophetic either, none of the information in them would be helpful. Worse, the misinformation could make things worse, and break his trust in her.
She'd be fine. Eventually she'd be so tired she'd sleep no matter what.
Yaga sighed next to her, yet again. She didn't mean to be so troublesome for him. He hadn't really signed up for this, he was just the only adult around who had been willing to. Were there other teachers? There must be, surely. She hadn't been hellbent on exploring the actual school anyways, and everyone was so busy on missions too.
"I intended for you to go to school after the weekend was up and get everything settled, but that trial kept everyone busy. It's the middle of the school year, so it might be a bit difficult for you to adapt. Are you going to be able to handle it so soon?" His voice was steady. If she said no, there was no doubt that he would push the date back as much as she needed.
Wasn't much of a difference to her. The only thing she might struggle with is writing and history. She nodded resolutely.
"Ieiri-san and I intended to test your cursed energy yesterday, before the trial happened. Is it alright if we do it today?"
Finally! She nodded quickly, much more eager for once. Finally, she would be allowed to experiment! She had agreed to restrain herself, but it was really starting to grate on her.
"Eat your pancake, and we can go." He said, gesturing to the rapidly cooling pancake, and she grabbed it with her bare hands, folding it in half and taking a bite, much to Yaga's alarm.
"Don't choke!" He exclaimed, hand extended as if to stop her.
"Not even any syrup?" Gojo questioned, having wandered over now that most of the feelings were dealt with.
She shook her head.
"Testing!" She said loudly, and she took another bite.
"You've got a real scholar here, Yaga-sensei!" Gojo said, clapping a hand on Yaga's shoulder.
"About time." She mumbled under her breath, and Gojo barked out a laugh. Not quiet enough.
He ruffled her hair, making her squawk.
"Yu-nii! Satoru-san is bullying me!" She exclaimed, trying to lean away.
Haibara kicked his legs free of the bench and leapt towards Gojo with a war cry, slamming bodily into the shield of Infinity that he put up and Gojo dragged her backwards off the bench.
He made a run for it with her tucked under his arm, her pancake still clenched in one hand. She took another bite, grunting as he leapt into the air, his arm digging into her side, and landed on the roof. Yu-nii was in hot pursuit, Nanami following close behind. Riko chased after him too, but without cursed energy there wasn't much that she could do to catch up.
Was she picking up rocks to throw? You go girl, just don't hit her.
The roar of a dragon filled the air as Geto joined the impromptu kidnapping training session. Suddenly, Gojo looked a lot more focused, and a lot more careful.
"If anybody drops her, everyone here is running laps until sunset!" Yaga shouted after them, loudly enough to be easily audible even as Gojo sped up to dodge a strike to the knees by Nanami, and a lunge by Haibara. Riko recoiled and quickly dropped the stones that she had been collecting. Clearly, it was no longer worth the risk. Had she been planning on making a trap or throwing rocks to try and get him to drop her?
Adrenaline sure was one thing to kick a girl out of her bout of anxious depression. It would be back with a vengeance come sundown, but for now at least she felt alive again.
"What day is it today?" She asked Gojo suddenly, a question that had been brewing in her mind since Yaga brought up school, shouting to be heard over the roar of the dragon. Said dragon tried to snatch her from Gojo's arms, but he leapt over it, spinning dizzyingly while doing so.
Urgh. Not good.
"I'm gonna throw up." She told him warningly, and he hastily righted himself.
"Not on me, please." He begged, but her stomach heaved as he was forced to leap high from the roof and they dropped for an alarmingly long time. Oh, she hated heights, and most of all falling.
Something strange seemed to wrap around her, and her stomach settled just like that. She felt weightless. No air seemed to touch her skin, not the barest whisper. The only thing touching her skin was where his arm wrapped around her, and where her side met his.
When she swam, back in her old body, sometimes she liked to float as still as possible, until it felt like she was touching nothing at all. That sensation was an imperfect form of Gojo's infinity, but the closest way that she could describe it.
He made several dizzying feats of acrobatics, dodging all three sorcerers and Geto's dragon, but besides the disorientation caused by her eyes struggling to adjust, she was completely fine now.
She took another bite of her pancake, more than halfway eaten now. Did it have a touch of cinnamon in it? Did Yaga make these by himself? Were pancakes a common breakfast food in Japan or was today something special?
Her attention was successfully diverted from the battle, and she finished her pancake with surprising fervor.
"Midori!" Geto called out, making her head snap up.
The dragon was keeping pace with Gojo, and Geto held his arms out.
The message was clear.
Jump.
She squirmed, both her feet connecting with Gojo's hip and throwing herself forward and it gave her just enough lift to rip herself free from Gojo's grasp, and the air resistance hit her all at once, throwing her off balance as she fell from the roof.
Geto's hand snagged around her leg, and she was held tightly in his arms moments later as the dragon turned, going upwards at a terrifying angle, and the only thing holding her in place was Geto's tight hold on her.
Gojo shouted from behind her, his tone betrayed, but the dragon could fly faster than he could and it was willing to prove it as it banked right and then dove down, right back down to the school.
It dived, gaining speed at a terrifying pace, and she buried her face in Geto's chest because she had not signed up for an aerial battle like this. It slowed and a shift in Geto's position was her only warning as the dragon vanished from underneath them, and Geto landed at a run, thrusting her roughly right into Yaga's waiting arms.
Yu-nii and Riko both cheered, and they high-fived each other simultaneously. Geto looked smug as Gojo trudged back.
"I didn't drop her, she jumped!" He said, already defending himself.
"You couldn't keep a hold of a four-year-old child?" Yaga asked, one eyebrow raised. He was using Gojo's words against him, and Gojo's face was a sight to see as he recognized it as well.
"Twenty laps, and finish that report by midnight." He instructed Gojo, who groaned about it, but eventually conceded, starting his run at a brisk jog.
"When dealing with a kidnapping, the kidnapper wants the target alive! Don't forget that the person being kidnapped is often your ally when attempting a rescue! Don't underestimate nonsorcerers in dangerous situations. The survival instinct is strong. Help them save themselves!" Yaga's teacher voice was back, and all the onlookers watched with rapt attention.
"Testing?" She asked, showing her empty hands.
He laughed a little, but nodded, waving Ieiri over from where she was leaning against a wall, with a near perfect view of all the action that had happened.
Yaga led the way, and she was practically running laps around the man, getting underfoot. The others followed, sans Gojo, who she saw ran past, already one lap in. If it wasn't them, she might be getting anxious, but she doubted that they would judge her much for any mistakes, given her age.
She was almost vibrating with excitement as he opened the door, and stepped aside to let her through first. She hopped from one foot to another, just to give her sudden surge of energy an outlet. Finally, she'd get to use her cursed energy!
The others filed in, everyone but Nanami, Yaga, and Ieiri taking a seat on the sidelines. Yu-nii gave her a double thumbs up, an encouraging smile on his face, which she returned.
She felt jittery, almost manic right now after her bout of depression. She better get used to childish mood swings like this, especially if her nightmares kept on coming.
"Alright!" Ieiri said, clapping her hands together, as everyone's attention shifted to her, "First off, Midori-chan, this is a test environment. If you need to stop, even just for a few seconds, just raise a hand. If you can't raise a hand or say anything, look over to Nanami-kun. He'll be keeping watch and staying in your sight, alright?"
She nodded firmly, giving Nanami a wave. He nodded back. It was quite a good safety plan, surprisingly so. They didn't know how much cold she could handle, or whether her limbs would freeze up, so they planned for it.
"The only thing we are going to have you do today is channel your cursed energy. I'll be using my reverse curse technique to watch how your body handles it. I won't be healing you unless you seem to be in distress, so don't worry about that. Sounds good?"
"Yes Ma'am!" She said obediently, making Ieiri laugh softly, and saluted for good measure.
"Begin!" Ieiri called out, like the beginning of a race as she put a hand on her shoulder, and that familiar feeling of her reversed curse technique spread quickly throughout her body.
Alright. She can do this, nice and slow.
It was hard at first, trying to pull up just a little bit of cursed energy from where it rested in her stomach, like trying to pull just one noodle from a cold, tangled, sticky, ball of ice. But she got just a little bit and tugged it loose, letting it spread thinly over her body. The drop in her body temperature was very slight.
Once she was allowed to use her cursed energy, she would never have to sweat her way through boiling hot summer heatwaves again.
Ieiri looked bewildered though. Was something odd happening?
She pulled a little bit more free, then a little more. It was much easier after the first bit, pulling away smoother in her hands, and she paused to look at Ieiri shortly after getting about a quarter of her cursed energy free.
"I'm at about a quarter right now." She told her just as narration. Ieiri was looking more confused by the moment.
"What do you mean by that?" Ieiri asked, confused.
She had about a quarter of her cursed energy loose and spread throughout her body, what more explanation did the doctor need?
"I've got about a quarter of my cursed energy circulating right now?" Her tone was questioning. Was there something wrong with that?
"Where is the rest of it?" Ieiri asked, bewildered.
"In my stomach, I guess? It's just sitting there." She answered slowly, baffled.
Ieiri had a strange look on her face, glancing at someone behind her.
"Cursed energy should be spread throughout your body at all times, not settled in one place." Yaga's voice startled her, and her fingertips frosted over as the cursed energy she had been circulating surged to her shoulders and down to her hands.
It was automatic, instinctive. It hadn't gone to her feet and legs, to run away, but to fight, to defend herself against a threat.
"It's always been there I think, unless I'm scared or angry." She answered, shaking her hands a little and rubbing them together to scrape off the frost.
"Could it be the seal?" Ieiri mused to Yaga, and she caught the way that Yu-nii's head perked up at the new information. She was doing good right now, she really didn't want to think about that yet.
"Perhaps. What does that accomplish though? It might make conscious use and fine motor controls easier, but it can also cause a severe delay in calling on her cursed energy suddenly."
Was something wrong with her cursed energy? It felt… comfortable, surprisingly so, like it was neatly put away, exactly where it should be. Moving it was oddly natural. Everyone else just had it spread throughout their bodies all willy-nilly?
Yaga, ever the good sensei, finally saw fit to explain.
"Cursed energy occurs in all living beings as the result of negative emotions. It should, even in nonsorcerers, be spread throughout your body at all times. It's natural, every living being has cursed energy, even if they can't use it. Some people are capable of consciously hiding it, and some rare few are born completely without it. That yours naturally rests anywhere specific within you is very unusual. It could easily be a result of your cursed technique, or that tattoo on your stomach."
Alright.
Maybe her cursed energy was just as confused on how to act normal as she was. It was a slightly bitter thought.
"Should I keep going?" She asked finally. She was going to be so upset if she got banned from using her cursed energy permanently. Who got magic and then got banned from using it?
"Keep going. I want to look more carefully now that I know what's happening." Ieiri said quickly, and Yaga nodded.
"Geto-san, please send a curse to fetch Gojo. His Six-Eyes might be able to see what's happening better than Ieiri could." Yaga instructed, holding his hand out to stop her for a moment, and within seconds that wolf curse was there again, and it left the room at a full run.
"How do your fingers feel?" Ieiri asked, taking one of her hands and pulling it closer to examine it.
She had honestly forgotten about it. Her fingertips were frosted over in spite of her efforts, almost completely white. She flexed them experimentally, demonstrating how she could still move them easily enough.
"They don't hurt at all, I just can't feel them. I could probably still draw if you gave me something to use." She explained to Ieiri, who hummed, clearly fascinated.
The doctor led her through several hand exercises, most focused on fine motor skills. She wasn't perfect, but she had little kid fingers. No one expected her to play Flight of the Bumblebee on the piano or anything.
Gojo strode in, slightly sweaty from his interrupted run. Yaga didn't waste any time, gesturing for him to stand in front of her.
"Midori said that her cursed energy is naturally resting in her stomach. What can you observe right now, and how did she look before?" He asked sharply.
He might as well have been giving a verbal test, and Gojo clearly treated it as one giving the way he straightened and pulled his glasses off.
"Her cursed energy has always been like that, but I mostly assumed that she was generally scared and trying to hide it or something. Kids, especially sorcerer kids who don't have relatives who are also sorcerers, can get pretty good at that. When she's nervous, sometimes it gets harder to see her unless she draws her cursed energy. She did it a few times at the arcade yesterday, and at the McDonalds when the other kids wanted to try and play." He explained, and he sounded like he was making a presentation to the class. Slightly stiff, especially the last part, like he was anticipating getting into trouble for not telling Yaga this sooner.
The teacher waved him on, and he continued, his voice stronger.
"When we went up the stairs that day, I didn't even see her in the woods until she ran out there. Granted, I wasn't looking for her, but still. It's possible that she naturally tries to hide, or that seal on her stomach might do it for her. When am I going to get a chance to take a good look at that anyway?" He asked, bending down to look more directly at her stomach, and she flinched a little, her hand going up to cover herself even though she knew it wouldn't matter. She couldn't hide from the Six Eyes, not when he was looking for her.
She had been trying to keep the seal a secret, just a little bit at least. It seemed like everyone knows either way now, and she only actually told one person about it!
"When she agrees to let you." Yaga said, reassuringly uncompromising. At least one person here respects her bodily autonomy.
That wasn't quite fair. Yu-nii and Nanami hadn't known about it, Yaga had brought it up while they were present. Ieiri was her doctor and very much had the right to tell Yaga about it, and Gojo had his invasive eyes that were always on.
Only Geto had really made her show him, and she would have agreed to it anyway. She didn't even really feel all that upset about him for it, he had been trying to protect the people he cared about.
She just felt a little uncomfortable about people looking at her stomach. Was she being defensive for modesty's sake or was it just the vulnerability of it? She never liked feeling exposed like that and was more than a little self-conscious about her stomach especially.
It was a little bit sickening to look at, even just in the mirror, alone. Some part of her was afraid that it meant something awful. That Gojo would lay his eyes on it and something in his expression would tell her that it was bad.
The type of bad that would have someone who couldn't look her in the eye lead her into the middle of the woods and she would never come back again.
The type that would have him pulling away, calmly telling everybody to run, and something that wasn't her would take over.
Or that would make his expression break a little bit before he could school it back into something safer and something in his tone of voice would tell her that she definitely wouldn't be making it to eighteen this time around.
She just wanted to bury her head in the ground and hope that it was a dud or an all-powerful being's idea of a bad joke.
"Midori-chan." Gojo said, poking her on the forehead roughly. He could tell when she got in her own head like that, because something inside her started to hide. Her cursed energy was slipping away, back into her stomach. Back into the seal.
"It's alright." He said, gentle, confident.
Daijōbu.
That had been one of the first words that she had learned in Japanese while watching anime. It's alright, I'm alright, are you alright? She had liked it, the versatility, and it was fun to say.
Maybe she was catastrophizing a little bit.
Maybe.
They were entirely valid fears. But how likely were they? They, and she, hadn't been willing to allow Riko to die to 'protect' the whole jujutsu world. Even the Itadori, vessel to the King of Curses, was given a chance to live, as well as that turned out.
She was just freaking out over nothing, like always.
Gojo was still standing there, like he knew she needed some processing time, and slowly she pulled up her shirt to show him the tattoo.
He leaned forward as she did so, purposely or accidentally blocking most of the others' view, as little as they would be able to see from their angle.
He tilted his head this way and that, like an owl as he scanned each different set of writing. Could he not read sideways? She never could. She didn't know how people could just flip the words around in their head, while she had to look ridiculous just to read the titles of books while shopping.
Slowly, he drew back and for a terrifying moment she couldn't read his expression.
Then he clapped his hands together, a startling noise in the sudden silence.
"I've never seen that language in my life!" He said, sounding unduly happy about it.
He really could be a jerk sometimes. A lovable jerk but still a jerk.
"Sorry that I can't help, Midori-chan." Gojo said, surprisingly earnest. She just let her shirt drop back down and leaned forward and fell into his arms.
For a touch deprived kid, he gave great hugs. He dragged her close and held her tightly, steady as stone.
"Amnesia sucks, Satoru-san." She told him and he hummed sympathetically.
"We'll figure it out. We only speak six languages between all of us. We could go to a convention, ask around!"
A convention? That was probably the silliest idea she had heard yet, and she couldn't suppress a giggle. He'd get CPS called on him the moment he lifted her shirt.
"What languages do you guys speak?" She found herself asking eventually.
"Besides Japanese, I speak English, Chinese, Korean, and French. Yaga-sensei speaks English as well, Shoko's been learning French from yours truly, and Geto speaks German!" Gojo says quickly, pointing to everyone as he says their name.
"You speak English?" She asked, surprised , but it came out of her mouth strangely clear in a way that felt unusual.
"Ah!" Gojo shouted, surprised, "Midori-chan speaks English too!"
She realized with a start that he was talking in English. His accent was a bit thick, but it was easy enough to understand. She had spoken in English!
"I speak English!" She said back, excited, but it had that same off feeling in her mouth as usual.
Hmm.
"I like cats." She said at length, focusing on her words. When she paid attention, she could force herself into speaking English, but it wasn't as natural as speaking Japanese felt. Odd, considering that she was fluent in English normally, not Japanese.
"I'm a cat person too!" Gojo replied, enthusiastic. He was delighted by this turn of events.
Then he said something utterly incomprehensible, practically a jumble of syllables, and she just stared at him for a few seconds.
"Not able to speak French then?" He asked, and she shook her head.
"Focus! This is a testing space!" Yaga suddenly said, swatting Gojo on the head just enough to flatten his hair down.
"We were testing!" Gojo complained, but he set her down anyway and walked off to annoy Riko and Geto. Ieiri put her hand on her shoulder again.
She could pull her cursed energy free of the seal faster, but she wanted to take it slow to allow Ieiri to continue monitoring her. By the time she had made it to fifty percent, Ieiri was tense, her brows furrowed. She was shivering violently now, so Ieiri's hand must be painfully cold.
It was at around sixty percent capacity that Ieiri called it to a halt abruptly, much to her relief. Her shivering had halted already, her muscles too cold to try and warm her anymore and an odd sense of impending doom had swept through her brain as she prepared to pull a little more out, making her stop instantly.
"Your heart rate is dropping." Ieiri said warningly, and she obediently shoved some of her cursed energy back in its place. Seemed like sixty percent was her limit.
Putting some of her cursed energy back didn't bother her as much as it should have. That distressing feeling of incoming doom eased as she did so. She should want to be able to use all of her cursed energy, all of her power, so why didn't it bother her?
Some old instinct in the back of her head shivered at the thought of trying to use all of her energy, some sense of overwhelming dread. It was like walking up to a cliffside and contemplating throwing herself off it.
That was probably something she should mention.
"It feels like something bad is gonna happen if I take too much cursed energy out of place."
She might as well have frozen everyone solid with those words, given the way they all stiffened, and their quiet conversations stopped dead.
"Bad how?" Gojo asked quickly, who was already in front of her again. She shrugged a little helplessly.
"Bad?" It felt bad, that's really all she could tell.
"What do you feel would happen?" Yaga questioned, and she just threw her hands into the air. She didn't know. Bad. Dangerous? Painful?
Something bad would happen if all her cursed energy was removed from that place deep in her stomach. She couldn't leave it empty.
Was empty even the right word? That ball of ice that always rested in her stomach was no colder than the rest of her was right now, but despite not being able to feel its chill she could find it with ease. Her cursed energy that wasn't currently in use was layered overtop of it, just in the way it should be. The ball hadn't shrunk at all, only the cursed energy around it had.
What would it feel like if all of her cursed energy was gone? Would it feel hungry, with nothing to feed on? In absence of the weight of her cursed energy piled on top of it, would it start pulling her at her flesh, like a black hole dragging anything it could inside? Would her body turn to ice without her cursed energy acting as a barrier? Was it the source of the cold entirely?
"It feels…" How could she explain this right?
"It-"
Urghhhh. How the hell could she put this into the right words?
"It just feels like something bad would happen. The place where all my cursed energy sits when I put it away is very distinct. It's always been there, and I've used my cursed energy before in emergencies, but I never paid attention to how much I wasn't using, I just used it. Doing it now while paying attention, it feels like something bad would happen if I tried to take too much. I don't think I would be able to go over the limit accidentally, it feels too bad. Like I'm about to run off a cliff." She said carefully, struggling to convey what she felt while reassuring them. They wouldn't understand, because apparently their cursed energy didn't act the same as hers did, but she didn't think she would ever be able to go over her limit without forcing herself into it.
No one seemed as reassured as she hoped at her explanation. It felt vaguely dangerous, just a distant warning, even at fifty percent capacity. She couldn't imagine what it would be like at seventy-five, or even more.
To be on the safe side, fifty was probably her ideal usage limit, maybe seventy-five at absolute maximum in a life-or-death situation. Even that could be pushing it, with her body temperature dropping enough to slow her heartbeat at sixty. Would her heart stop entirely by then, her blood frozen in her veins?
She'd just have to not use too much cursed energy. It shouldn't be too much of a problem, if she could learn to use the fifty percent effectively. She wasn't planning on fighting Mahito or The Brain Guy, or God forbid Sukuna, anytime soon.
Did cursed energy get stronger as you aged?
It definitely seemed like testing was over for the day, given the fierce conversation going on between everyone. All the boys were talking rapidly despite Yaga's attempts to mediate, a disorganized mess of voices, and the discussion was getting heated quickly.
"Want to go and sit down, Midori-chan?" A kind voice asked, drawing her attention from the rapidly developing argument brewing to Kuroi. It was too disorganized to make out what anyone was saying, let alone follow along. Something about training? Did some of them think she shouldn't be trained at all? That would really put a damper on her plans of wreaking havoc on the plans of some very powerful people. If they refused to teach her to protect herself, all it would take is one assassin to slip past their guard. She wouldn't be able to go out into the field either.
She took Kuroi's hand and she led her over to where Riko was sitting, gesturing for her to sit right between them on the bench.
"Are you scared at all, Midori-chan?" Riko asked, her voice sympathetic.
"Not really. It's fine as long as I don't push. And Ieiri-san didn't want me to go more than sixty, which is when it started feeling bad anyway. I'm not sure what they're arguing over though." She said honestly, and unexpectedly Riko reached out to drag her into a fierce hug.
She wasn't sure what prompted it, but she wasn't one to refuse Riko a hug if the teen needed one, so she hugged Riko back tightly. Was this testing upsetting for her? Riko could leave if she wanted, she didn't have to stay. She'd be fine.
Eventually, Yaga's raised voice stopped the argument dead in its tracks, distracting her from the idle conversation that she was making with Riko.
"Midori is too young to make this decision now. We can discuss this when she is older." He said, and his tone allowed for no argument despite the protest still on Gojo and Yu-nii's face.
"What's happening?" She asked curiously.
Yaga paused on his way out and looked back at her. He seemed oddly defeated for an instant before he controlled his expression, like something that he had worried deeply about had just been confirmed.
"Don't worry too much about it, Midori-chan." he said instead of explaining. Ah, it was definitely a kid thing.
Ieiri glanced back and forth for a few moments before visibly making the decision to walk away. A few drifts of smoke blew across the entrance a few moments later.
Smoking was a bad habit. Maybe she could break her of it early, while she was still in her teens, before it became an addiction.
Gojo sat back down on the ground next to their bench instead of taking a seat on it. Yu-nii stalked over to Nanami, talking in short angry bursts and wild hand gestures as they walked away.
Geto stood there for a long time, his eyes on the floor. She didn't know what had upset him, but she certainly could help.
She got to her feet and walked over, a bit faster than usual with the cursed energy moving freely in her body.
It was so orderly, she loved it! Each step directed the flow, strengthening each muscle with each movement, it was practically performance art inside her body that she could watch freely. Could overuse of cursed energy make someone giddy, or was that just her being overtired today?
She walked right into Geto's leg, just to get his attention, not because she underestimated how fast she was walking, and held her arms up in a clear request.
He obliged, because he was awesome, and she promptly clung to him like a very cold sloth.
It's hug time, Geto, you little flight risk.
Now please hug her back.
She squeezed tighter and he eventually wrapped his arms around her in return, one hand going up to cradle her head and the other around her waist to keep her upright.
Riki and Kuroi left the room slowly, and she waved to them, mouthing a quick thank you and giving them a quick smile before she tucked her face into Geto's shoulder again.
"I have a promise to keep, don't I Midori-chan?" Gojo said, mischievous, and that was her only warning as she pulled away, tearing herself from Geto's arms, just in time for Geto to get flying tackled by Gojo, knocking him right to the ground.
Gojo was grappling with Geto more than anything, not so much hugging. As she hurried out, Gojo got Geto in a better hold, a jumble of tangled limbs and his body was pressed close to Geto's, not an inch of space between the two. That amount of skin contact might be better than a hug. Gojo's face was inches away from Geto's, and she could see the faint blush on both of their faces as they came to that same realization.
Ieiri was standing a short distance outside, and her cigarette was already out as she talked softly with Riko and Kuroi.
Time to enact part one of that plan that had been simmering in the back of her mind.
"Geto-san and Gojo-san are flirting!" She said happily, making Kuroi choke on air. She heard a faint protest from both of the boys, simultaneously, then an offended noise from Gojo.
Plan Cupid was a go. Those idiots needed help, in more ways than one.
"We should give them some privacy." She said knowingly, making Kuroi cough a little more, and Ieiri slapped her back firmly a few times.
Distantly, Geto made some high-pitched sound, like a groan, and she knew if she could see him, he would be blushing redder than a tomato.
Gojo had promised to give him a long hug, so hopefully Geto wouldn't be set loose to hunt her down for revenge until she was well clear of the area. They probably had another talk due too at some point.
For now, the cursed energy flowing like blood through her veins urged her to move and now she was allowed to listen.
Was she allowed? They hadn't told her that she couldn't or ordered her to stop using it. As long as she didn't get into trouble or bring it up in conversation, she should be fine.
She ran, finding the training field that they normally used easily and just started running laps. It was freeing, being able to let the cursed energy move through her body.
She hadn't realized how cooped up she had felt, keeping her cursed energy tucked away. It wasn't uncomfortable to do, the opposite even, she loved how it felt so neat. But being unable to use it was like keeping a muscle constantly tensed.
Running in laps was amazing. In her past life, she absolutely loved just walking laps around fields. It was practically meditative for her, just being able to let her feet carry her wherever she felt like going, listening to music, daydreaming about stories that she would never write. She could go for hours, walk for miles.
Running laps was even better. The steady rhythm, the way her cursed energy moved with her, the way her body responded like it never had before. Sure, she wasn't going particularly fast, but she had tiny legs anyway. She would have been so fit if running was like this in her old world.
She wasn't sweating!
It was humid outside, but she wasn't even particularly warm. It was amazing! She was air conditioned! Each breath was deep and even, her lungs never losing their easy rhythm.
She felt great!
She wasn't quite sure how long she ran for, but the sun was past its prime by the time she stumbled to a stop, her feet aching and let herself drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes.
"Finally done?" Yaga's voice called out, making her bolt back upright. He had walked over at some point, standing tall over her. Conveniently, he also blocked out the sunlight.
"I could keep going. My feet just hurt." She said immediately. She hadn't intended her words to come out so defensively, but they certainly came out that way. He laughed though, and bent down to offer his hand to her, hauling her to her feet.
"I'm sure you could." He acknowledged, and his tone was warm.
He was a far kinder person than she had expected him to be from what she saw. He was a good person, but in the anime, he had seemed too rough for her to think of him as a kind one. How good had Geto been at hiding his feelings for Yaga to somehow miss it? Or had Geto just never allowed him to help? The man she saw in front of her didn't seem the type to let one of his students drown because they refused to allow him to help. What had stopped him?
Clearly, he had a soft spot for children a mile wide, not that she ever remembered him talking with children before. Panda, at least, but he literally made Panda so that didn't count.
"Are you guys done arguing yet?" She asked judgmentally.
He nodded, so at least he acknowledged it too.
They didn't go back to that indoor training room, instead back to the cafeteria. That was probably a good move, eating food was a great way to settle everybody down.
Wow, was she glad she wasn't sweaty.
The boys looked worse for wear, dirty, sweaty, and in various stages of dishevelment. Yaga must have decided making them exercise until they were too tired to be arguing was the best way to have a nice conversation with them.
Riko and Kuroi had sat down separately from the boys, most likely due to the sweat smell.
Riko looked bored though, she would have to invite her to play later. Riko hadn't gone to school in days.
Was it even safe for her? Would it ever be?
She got along well with Gojo and Geto, but there was a big difference between a protection mission for a few days and living at Jujutsu High. Where could they go that would be safe besides here?
She was four, she had resigned herself to the fact that she just wouldn't get any independence that she wasn't freely given. Being a teenager and not being able to step outside the barriers must really suck. Hopefully, they would figure something out, because she wouldn't put it past the higher ups to try and capture her and force her to merge with Tengen.
Was there a time limit on that or something? She might remember something like that. Maybe if season 2 hadn't been so depressing she might have rewatched it more often.
An onigiri was placed in her hand, the rest handed out among the tired boys, along with a Gatorade, which she looked at doubtfully. Her old one hadn't liked the taste, she doubted her new body would.
Yaga walked to the front of the room once everyone was situated, drawing everyone's attention with a wave of his hand.
"There are some changes that need to happen now that Midori-chan is staying here and about to be starting school. I always want someone to be at Jujutsu High. If the higher ups ever try and empty the school, Gojo-san and Geto-san have agreed to take over someone's missions in order to allow them to stay behind with Midori-chan. They have already tried to take custody of her once, I never want to give them the chance to try and take her again."
Say what now?
"When did they try and take me? Besides yesterday morning?" She asked, alarmed.
"They contacted me last night and various times this morning, offering foster homes for you. I refused them all, of course, and I am your official guardian so they can't remove you from my care without cause. If anyone tries to convince you to leave Jujutsu High with them, or comes to you while you are at school, tell your sensei and contact me immediately, and do not go with them. They might try to say that they know one of us, or that we sent them, but don't trust them unless they use the correct password, alright?" His words were firm, and she nodded immediately. Don't go with strange adults, she already knew that.
If the higher ups managed to get their hands on her, she'd most likely never see anyone here again unless they managed to find her somehow.
She had a cursed technique, one that she hadn't really seen in the anime besides that old sorcerer, Uraume, and they might think that it was worth the risk to try to place her with a family that would indoctrinate her to their cause. She was so young and already clearly less than fond of the higher ups, and unfamiliar sorcerers, and she had already shown who it was that she was loyal to.
They might think gaining control over her cursed technique, and taking it away from Jujutsu High, was worth risking the students' wrath. Gojo had become a teacher to change society from the ground up, and from what she remembered the higher ups weren't too fond of Yaga either.
A young child with a cursed technique, completely vulnerable without family ties, to raise in any way that Yaga saw fit? They might take it as a potential threat.
"I'll speak with Mei-Mei-san and Utahime-san when they return." Yaga was saying when she tuned back in to the tail end of Yaga's announcements, and she just about froze on the spot.
Absolutely no way was she going to be left alone with Mei-Mei. She was going to have to talk with Geto about Mei-Mei or lie her butt off to Yaga or Yu-nii about feeling uncomfortable around her. It wouldn't even be lying either.
Maybe it was somehow completely innocent. Maybe it was misconstrued somehow, or she just had a very weird relationship with her brother. It wasn't quite fair either to judge her for something that hadn't even happened yet, for a brother that might not even have been born yet. She didn't hate Geto, and she knew what he did.
But she wasn't a complete idiot.
Why tempt the fates? If it could potentially be risky, she would just avoid it. Probably save people a bunch of babysitting money too.
Utahime was cool, for all that she knew of her. She didn't have her scar yet, as far as she knew, and she felt bad that she couldn't even warn her about when that might happen to her. She could tell Geto that she had a scar in the future, but it probably wouldn't be enough to stop her from getting hurt.
"We have to leave by eight in the morning in order to get to school on time. I'll be waking you up by seven, so try to get some sleep tonight." Yaga said, making her frown.
"What day is today?" She asked, surprised. He said by the end of the weekend, was it Sunday?
"Today is Sunday," Yaga confirmed, "Is it too soon for you?"
Ugh. as much as she wanted to push it back, it would be good to have something else to focus on, besides all the mysteries going on. Better to worry about pop quizzes and where to eat lunch than to worry about the mysterious seal or obsess over when Yu-nii was going to be violently killed by an incorrectly graded curse.
She steeled herself and shook her head to answer Yaga's question. She might regret it most likely, but it was going to happen eventually.
Tomorrow she was going to face the most terrifying threat of her life.
Preschool children.
She was going to get sneezed on, she just knew it. They'd probably put gum in her hair too, just to rub it in.
"Ganbatte, Midori-chan!" The teenagers around the room chorused as she grimaced.
She could do it.
But she wouldn't like it.
Chapter End Notes- AKA Trigger warnings
Midori has some pretty vivid nightmares, and the description is a little gory. Suffice it to say for anyone who wants to skip it (its only about the first 5 paragraphs), she dreams about Haibara dying. She has a panic attack, gets really angry at herself, and has strong urges to injure herself, and ends up biting her hand hard enough to make it bleed, and later hides it. Past the major markings, Midori also is still pretty upset and shows some signs of depression, withdrawing, lack of motivation, hopelessness, lack of appetite, but bounces back pretty quickly. They won't be a normal thing for her, and are mostly a symptom of sleep deprivation and being under so much stress. Yaga and the others definitely noticed, and will be taking steps to intervene.
Also including mentions of Mei-Mei and her relationship with her brother, so fair warning about her.