There are asterisks * for a part of a discussion that Midori has with Geto, specifically, about intrusive thoughts, the most likely disturbing being discussed being sexual ones directed towards children and family members. Intrusive thoughts are NEVER indicative of actual desires, it's just intrusive thoughts sometimes really just like to kick you where it hurts! Its literally their whole thing, unwanted and unpleasant thoughts that often cause anxiety. Ever thought about how easy it would be to kill your pet (sit on them, squeeze, whatever), and suddenly felt worried about going near them for a little while, or even unwilling to pet them? Intrusive thoughts, most likely. It happens to a lot of people, and it sucks, but it usually isn't indicative of an actual disorder unless it causes persistent distress and interferes with your daily life. Bonus chapter warnings are for self-harm, disassociation. Definitely picked the rating of M for a reason.
She slept in for the first time in a week, cuddling Nishinoya aggressively. The doll had heard her panic after the horror movie driven nightmares and refused to leave her side afterwards. She was grateful, but still felt bad to be trapping him all night. Did he even sleep?
Despite the nightmares, she got a decent amount of sleep thanks to sleeping in, so crawling out to bed to get dressed and brush her teeth wasn't as much of a hardship as it could have been. She still jumped when Nishinoya finally decided to leap down from her bed, the thud loud in her quiet room.
She couldn't put her hair up properly on her own yet, so she brushed her hair thoroughly and kept the hairstick clenched firmly in her hand. She could find Riko or even Geto to put it up for her later.
Junpei was awake, but hadn't left his room yet, so when she knocked, he looked relieved. Probably nervous about going anywhere on his own so soon. She could lead him to the cafeteria easily enough.
The cafeteria was buzzing with activity. All the students were there once again present, none of them looking particularly injured.
Yu-nii spotted her first, and his grin lit up the whole room when she sprinted towards him, getting caught mid leap and wrapping her arms around him like an octopus. She wanted to cry, even though there wasn't any real reason to do so, and Yu-nii's soft, empathetic look was the last straw as she buried her face in his shoulder.
"It's alright, Midori-chan." Yu-nii soothed, and she knew that several people were eyeing Junpei, wary cats meeting a new kitten for the first time.
"That's Junpei," She said, trying hard to get the words out before she was a sobbing mess in Yu's arms, pointing at the kid who froze on the spot as multiple sets of eyes turned his way, "He's my best friend and nearly got his eyes melted yesterday, so please be nice."
Yu-nii, the mother hen, immediately took the lead, walking over to Junpei and dragging him right into a hug. Junpei knew a good hug when he got one, and practically melted into his arms, right next to her.
"Best friend?" Gojo drawled slowly, eying Junpei from far too close. Yu-nii kicked him away when Junpei made an alarmed noise and Gojo let him, whining about it all the way.
Yaga placed an onigiri in her hand, and that was the final Band-Aid on her bewilderingly volatile emotions. She sniffled a little as she took a careful bite.
Delicious.
Sensing that she had calmed down, Yu-nii let Midori down carefully so that he could focus his attention on Junpei, who also looked ready to cry. Yu-nii gave the safest and gentlest therapy hugs, it wasn't much of a surprise that he felt safe enough to express how upset about his sudden move.
Hopefully Yu-nii knew that the reason little kids kept crying around him was because he was so good at helping them through it. Only being protected by Gojo's infinity felt safer.
She was such a sap for him, really.
Gojo was pouting, so she leaned against his legs as she ate, and he poked at her annoyingly as she did, idly watching Nanami and Ieiri discuss something intently. She couldn't really read their lips, the words not translating like they did if she could hear him.
She ought to actually learn Japanese sometime. If she ever found out a way to turn it off to learn.
Geto was eating peacefully on his own, but the plate of sugary food next to him said that that was only because she had distracted Gojo from his daily dose of annoying Geto. Hopefully he was grateful, because it just turned his full attention on her instead.
Riko was chatting peacefully with Kuroi, so she walked over with her hairstick, hopefully. Riko grinned at her though, patting her lap invitingly, and Midori sat down carefully.
Luckily, Riko was apparently quite good at this hairstyle, and got it perfectly tight on the first try, carefully leaving her little bang out as well. As long as Gojo didn't mess it up, she shouldn't need it redone all day!
Might be a big ask though, with Gojo clearly feeling so mischievous today. Geto raised his voice, his plate of food hitting the floor and Gojo snapped right back, genuine irritation vs playful hostility. Yaga shouted at them to knock it off, and the two boys stalked away.
Midori grabbed another bonito flake onigiri, the fridge freshly restocked, and offered it to Geto, a peace offering to calm the irritated boy. What even were bonito flakes again? Some type of fish, with soy sauce, making it nicely salted.
"You don't need to give me your food, Midori-chan." Geto reassured, but she shook it again, insistent.
"It's ok! We have lots!" She assured, and he took it hesitantly.
"Thank you." He finally conceded, taking the onigiri, casting a wary glance Gojo's way before opening it and taking a sharp bite.
"Did everyone's missions go ok? Ieiri-san got kinda worried for a while." She asked as he ate quickly, never looking away from Gojo, who was also eyeing him in return.
A pair of dogs, the two of them were, fighting over food that way.
"Everyone ended up fine, we just had to go and help the first years out of a bind." Geto reassured, and she glanced at him sharply. A slight shake of his head was his response to her silent question.
Not the mission then. Something dangerous, but not immediately deadly like that mission would be. Maybe like what happened to Mei Mei and Utahime?
She leaned into his side, a bit disappointed, and he threw his free hand around her shoulders reassuringly. It couldn't be so easy after all.
He was warm. She wasn't particularly cold right now, but she burrowed into his side anyways, just craving the warmth.
They stayed there for quite a while. It was nice to relax like this, after what had happened yesterday. Junpei was being taken care of by someone who knew exactly what they were doing, and she was safe and heavenly warm.
Someone sat down next to her, draping themselves over her and pushing her to lean further into Geto, and she knew without even looking that it was Gojo. Geto moved a little, maybe signing a warning, and Gojo huffed a little.
She threw her arm over Gojo's head, her hand tangled in his hair, smoothing it down soothingly just like Yu-nii did for her.
"Be nice please." She said, a note of warning, and both boys went still before settling down more. People were moving around quietly, hushed conversations reaching her ears.
She pets Satoru's hair again, careful and repetitive and she could feel him go boneless against her, chin digging into her ribs, laying on her as much as she was Geto. Poor touch-starved guy.
Nevermind that she got cuddled daily and was nearly a puddle in Geto's lap right now.
With the largest troublemaker contained, things in the cafeteria were peaceful.
Yu-nii, when she opened her eyes to look, was full on verbally thrashing Junpei's bullies. Junpei looked awed by Yu-nii's fearsome defense of him, leaning absentmindedly against Nanami. Nanami didn't seem to even notice enough to be uncomfortable around Junpei like he usually was around children, enraptured by his classmate.
Ieiri and Yaga were discussing something intently, Riko and Kuroi listening closely. Kuroi raised her hand, volunteering for something, and Yaga acknowledged it with a gesture.
They probably laid there for at least an hour. Geto wasn't bothered at all, or at least he didn't let it show, seeming more or less content with his eyes shut. His hand was making small motions on the back of Gojo's neck, who had more or less slipped off into an actual nap with both of their combined efforts.
Midori was right between them, and the warmth was fantastic. She didn't realize how cold she normally ran until she was actually warm.
Eventually, Yaga approached slowly, and she looked his way. He made a gesture, a weird sort of go away type of thing.
She stared at him. Why did she need to leave? She was so comfy right now.
Midori gave him sorrowful eyes before glancing at the door. Did she really have to leave?
Yaga paused for a moment, watching her carefully, then widened his stance, making the slowest and most deliberate come here gesture that she had ever seen, a whole arm sweeping motion right to his chest.
Yaga didn't want her to leave, he was calling her over! What sort of gesture was that first one?
Unfortunately, she was trapped. She made a helpless little gesture with her only free hand, the other pinned by her body weight against Geto's side.
Another come here gesture, careful and deliberate, and then a point towards both of them.
They all had to get up now.
She shook Geto a little, wiggling her trapped arm, and his one eye opened, looking towards her. She pointed to Yaga, who again made that weird go away gesture.
Geto sighed, giving Gojo a little shake that made him mumble a little, hugging her tighter like a stuffed animal he was cuddling.
"Satoru-san." She called softly, tapping him lightly on the arm, "time to wake up."
He mumbled, a little louder and when Geto moved to shake him a little rougher she stopped him with a touch.
"Satoru-san," she called, a little louder, and he definitely perked up a little more, "Time to wake up! Yaga wants to talk to us, I think. Or wants us to go away. One or the other. I don't really know what that gesture was. Do you, Satoru-san? It was a wave sort of thingy."
Her idle chatter was waking him up slowly. Satoru's eyes were open, unfocused and confused, but he was waking up, so she kept chattering.
"I'm not sure what time it is. I don't know if there's a clock in here at all actually. Satoru-san, do you know what time it is? What do we have planned today? It looks like Yaga-san and Ieiri-san were plotting. Kuroi-san and Riko-chan were involved too. Do you know what we're doing, Satoru-san?"
Her final call of his name finally had his absent gaze sharpening, and he sat upright slowly, still a bit disoriented, finally allowing her to sit up.
Gojo was clearly confused, looking around dazedly.
"Alright, Satoru-san?" She asked, and he nodded slowly, but still looked a bit out of it.
His hair was mussed and sticking up in places. Geto tutted a little, reaching out to smooth a stray tuft of hair down, and his hand stayed extended as he smoothed it down, caressing Satoru's face. Satoru leaned into his touch.
Their eyes met and neither of them spoke for several seconds. There was something in Suguru's eyes that was unusually intense, predatory, and Satoru's gaze was unrestrained sleepy affection.
Oh, come on boys. The others were either watching awkwardly or looking away, Kuroi even covering Riko's eyes.
She was right in the middle of this. Suguru still had an arm wrapped around her, and Satoru's legs were still pressed up against hers.
Suguru broke the staring contest first, his intense gaze moving right down to Satoru's lips. His thumb was at the corner of Satoru's eye, probably brushing his eyelashes with every sleepy blink.
Suguru's eyes flicked back up, and fixated right on his own stray thumb, and something about him froze, the tendons in his hand alarmingly white, like he was suddenly struggling hard not to move.
Something has changed suddenly.
Suguru wasn't thinking about kissing Satoru anymore.
"Dad and Momma are flirting!" She exclaimed loudly, just to break the moment up.
Gojo snapped to awareness in an instant, pulling away quickly. He was blushing violently, his fair skin hiding none of the color on his face.
Geto flinched and he looked horrified now, as if he had accidentally hurt someone. The way he clenched his hand, having pulled it away as if he had touched something hot, the way he hunched his shoulders as if to make himself smaller, all told quite a story.
Shame. He felt ashamed.
He pulled away from her too, like touching her suddenly hurt, or more likely, like he was going to hurt her if he continued to touch her.
Not happening.
She fell right back into him, and he caught her automatically before trying to pull away, but she had the grip strength of a gorilla.
She locked eyes with him, sternly. Damn intrusive thoughts of violence. He hadn't hurt Goio or her at all, so why was he acting like he had?
"Have you ever actually hurt him?" She asked instead, keeping her voice low, and his eyes widened, alarmed. She couldn't read his mind, she just knew what it looked like when someone was suddenly nervous about hurting others.
Once, when she was younger, she refused to pet her cat because she was scared that she would dig out his eyes before she could stop herself. She could relate to that particular fear. Stepping on him, kicking him, grabbing his little head and squeezing.
Intrusive thoughts sucked, but they were not actions. Her cat had been in no danger from her, and Gojo and Midori were both perfectly safe with Geto.
"No." He said finally, just as lowly, and she nodded.
"Why would you now? Just because you thought about it?"
He shook his head slowly, but he was staring at his thumb as if he had succeeded in digging it right into Gojo's eye. The way he froze, trying so hard to hold his hand still as if to resist, it wasn't exactly hard to make an educated guess of what he had thought of.
She could see the question in his eyes, how do you know, but he wouldn't ask it now, not so publicly, so instead he pulled her up with him as he stood, balancing her on his hip as he headed over to Yaga, who was studiously ignoring his student's cherry red face.
"We are going on an outing today. Pack water, non-perishable food, and a change of clothes. I will bring sunscreen. Kuroi-san and Riko-san both agreed to watch over Midori and Junpei, so enjoy yourselves students." Yaga said, a bit smugly.
"Where?" Gojo asked immediately, recovering quickly now that he had something else to focus on.
"It's a surprise." Yaga said firmly.
"Tell me then." Gojo said, clapping his hands around her ears, and everything went shockingly silent.
She couldn't hear anything. Only the sounds created by her own body, her heartbeat, her breath, were audible. It was eerie.
"This is weird." She said, and not even her own voice was audible from the moment it left her mouth.
Geto looked annoyed, pulling her away from Gojo's hands, but he just dragged Gojo with him. It turned into an inaudible little catfight in moments, but Geto notably refused to actually touch Gojo to get him to stop. Gojo noticed, he frowned, and the little fight came to a stop, both boys no longer willing to fight.
To think that they were inches away from kissing each other like two minutes earlier.
It was startlingly loud out of the soundless little bubble of Infinity, once she had got used to it. Gojo could make a killing running one of those sensory deprivation spa things.
"Get ready everyone! We leave in thirty minutes." Yaga said, and the group split up quickly. Geto already had her, so he waved the others off, taking charge of getting her ready.
He shut the door the moment they reached her room, his agitation shining through.
"How did you know?" He hissed, irritation creeping in, that was likely stemming from his fear.
She found her backpack on the floor and upturned it on her bed, starting to pack various items that she might need. A notebook and a few pencils would probably be useful, right?
"I couldn't read your mind, if that's what you're worried about, Geto-san. It was pretty obvious. Your hand got all tense, like you were scared that you were going to hurt him if you didn't stop yourself." She answered, confident.
Psychology, simple observational skills and analysis, not mind reading.
"I felt the same way while I was holding a butterfly a while ago. Like I just thought about how easy it would be to crush it and got scared that I would do it by accident." She explained, not looking at him much. He needed the space to breathe safely. If her room was it, then she would give it to him for as long as he needed.
"How do you stop it?" He asked, his tone horribly defeated.
"It happens to everyone," she started, and his face fell, she could see the thoughts forming, the traitorous whisper of then why is it so hard for me, "but not everybody lingers on it like some people do. It eats away at some people, makes them fear themselves, makes them think that they are a bad person. People don't like to think about intrusive thoughts, so people who struggle with them think that they are somehow unique, worse people than the normal people. It happens to literally everyone! It's when you get stuck, when you stop doing normal things in fear of acting on your intrusive thoughts that it turns into an actual concern."
Geto was listening, intently, like he couldn't believe what she was saying.
"Everyone?" He asked, disbelieving.
"Everyone. Ask Yaga-san sometime. Even better, ask Yu-nii! He's the sweetest person I know, and I guarantee you that he has intrusive thoughts." She said, then she held her hand up, stalling the next question.
"Ask him this 'have you ever had weird thoughts about hurting Midori when you hug her? Or other weird thoughts about things that you could do, that you would never really do in real life?' I promise you he has. As long as you approach it right, without judging him, I don't think he would lie about it. Especially if you admit to having similar thoughts." She instructed carefully, and to his credit he listened before asking his question.
"Why am I the only one who seems to be having a problem with this? If everyone else feels this way, who am I the only one having a problem?" He said, distressed. Geto was trusting her expertise in this, surprisingly enough.
"I don't know," She had to admit, "Some people just have a harder time dealing with things like this. You've probably had a hard time of it, as a sorcerer. I don't know your history, but if you've faced cursed spirits and people like Toji, throughout your life, it can really cause some damage. PTSD can cause intrusive thoughts. Do you know what the first repetitive intrusive thought you had was? Or at least the earliest you remember?"
This was turning into a therapy session really fast, and she was not qualified for it at all. She could give it her best shot at least, until he was ready to give a real one a go.
Better to try and staunch an open wound with a piece of paper than just let it bleed freely. Even a little bit of time could make all the difference. He wasn't drowning quite yet, so her little bit of help could help him tread water a little while longer.
Geto was thinking, brows furrowed as he tried to think. The way he hesitated, drew in a short breath, the pained expression on his face, all said it wasn't something good.
"I have a sister…" He said hesitantly, before faltering.
"Violent?" She asked, and he shook his head slowly.
"Sexual then?" She asked gently, and he flinched, full bodied and heartfelt. His hand tangled in his hair, pulling hard, and she reached for his other arm, dragging it down and away, holding it firmly in with both of her hands.
"You completely understood my fears about Mei Mei. I was pretty scared to be honest, when you pinned me down to look at my seal in the woods, but I trusted that you wouldn't hurt me like that, and I was right. Sexual thoughts, about family members, children, about forcing yourself on someone, are very common types of intrusive thoughts. They are commonly reported because they are disturbing, and not at all a reflection of your actual moral character. They are absolutely not a sign of you being a risk towards children or having real desires towards your family." She said firmly and made sure to hold his pained gaze. He had flinched again at the mention of the seal and his aggressive actions that night, guilt flooding his face, and she held on when he moved to back away, as if to give her space.
"You don't have to believe me right now. It is true, but I understand that you might doubt me. The best way for you to get through this safely is for you to talk to an actual therapist about this, not the world's weirdest four-year-old amnesiac." She insisted. He was doubtful still, but that really was fine. The assurances, her continued lack of fear of him, and hopefully his future therapist should be enough to help him learn to accept it.
"I trust you, Geto-san. Completely. Of everyone, you are the only one who knows about what I know about the future. It will be ok! I still have things to tell you, but there's probably twelve years between then and now, and even then, with Riko alive, they might not come to pass at all even without intervention! Take care of yourself!" She assured, giving him her best smile, and he managed to crack a weak, forced smile in return.
"I'm done packing." She said at last, and he blinked, looking down at her fully packed backpack. Clothes, a pink sakura covered water bottle, a notebook with pens and pencils, extra hair bands, and the plush Gojo had won her all were packed away neatly in her backpack.
"Ready to pack your stuff?" She asked, and he seemed thrown by the sudden change of topic. She leaned against him, using her whole bodyweight against his leg,
"Could you stop pulling your hair please, Geto-san? You'll need to fix it." She asked, and he seemed to realize he was still digging his fingers into his scalp, strands of hair escaping his bun. He opened his hand wonderingly, fingertips of his pointer and middle finger stained with blood.
"…Sorry." He whispered after a long delay, like he had something to apologize for. To himself, maybe.
"We should find Ieiri-san first then." She said confidently and took his unbloodied hand to lead him out of her room.
She didn't have a clue where Ieiri was. Luckily, Geto seemed to have a description in mind, taking the lead once she hesitated. She didn't mind following behind him. Intrusive thoughts were a difficult subject to talk about. If he needed a bit of control, then she was happy to give it to him.
Of course, rather than find Ieiri, he led her to his room to pack.
"Can I see your phone?" She asked, and he handed it to her after a moment's delay.
She could feel the phone addiction reawakening, but she pulled up Ieiri's number, typing up a request for her to please come to Suguru's room.
He didn't respond much when she handed it back, mostly looking uncertainly around his room. She didn't want to snoop, so she led him to the bathroom to wash the blood from his hand. It took a bit of prompting for him to do so, he was so lost in thought.
Ieiri was knocking at the door by the time he finished scrubbing his hands. She had to cut him off at two minutes in, shutting the water off and passing him a towel.
Leaving Geto at his bed, looking blankly at his dresser, she went to the door to let Ieiri in, who took one look at Geto, the blood sliding slowly down his ear, and cursed softly, rushing forward to take his head in her hands.
Undoubtedly, she healed him, but she seemed concerned about how out of it he was, checking his eyes, smacking him lightly on cheek. He got to a safe spot and conked out for a bit, readjusting.
"He's recalibrating." Midori answered, speaking up for the first time, and Ieiri's eyes made her skin crawl. She held her ground anyways.
"What do you mean by that?" Ieiri asked, turning away from her.
"I told him something upsetting." She answered, and Geto finally kicked it into gear, slowly opening his dresser to pull out two pairs of pants.
Midori walked over, offering her arms as additional space, and he made a full outfit surprisingly quick, seemingly recovered. She had her doubts, but as long as he was functional for now, she would make sure to check on him later.
There was an empty bag that Geto pointed out, ignoring Ieiri's questions. She had to sidestep the doctor to get to it, and just the sensation of passing by her had her jumping out of her skin.
Midori was following his lead by being vague. Patient confidentiality and all that.
She wasn't scared.
She just needed like an hour with a therapist. Just a fellow student, even as a supervisor so she could start working on a little exposure therapy. Pictures, spoken words, reading about doctors.
Not in a strange room with the door shut with one.
Geto clearly was picking up whatever mild, very mild, amounts of distress she was sending out.
Mild.
Very mild.
Geto stepped between Ieiri and her.
It helped, somehow.
She stuffed the clothing in the bag, hooking it around her shoulder, and carried it over to Geto, studiously avoiding looking Ieiri's way.
She felt terrible about it, she really did. If a random kid was terrified of her because of her job, especially a child she saw often, she would probably be heartbroken.
But she couldn't help the way she felt.
Geto led her out and she clung automatically to his hand as he walked, seeking unnecessary reassurance.
He held her hand anyways.
The cafeteria was a flurry of motion and Geto dropped her and his bag off at a table out of the way, disappearing into the fray. Hopefully he was getting water and snacks.
"Are you excited?" Riko asked, and her tone was that familiar sort of overly excited that people use when talking to children. She heard it a lot.
"Not really." She answered honestly.
"Why not?" Riko asked, pouting, but there was concern on her face.
"I don't know enough to get excited about it." She explained after a moment. It was true. Outings were fun, but stressful too. She had been looking forward to some low-stress hangout time with Junpei, and shopping with Gojo sometime over the weekend.
It all depended on where the outing was going to take place.
"I'm not saying for you to tell me!" she reassured quickly, "I just am not very excited yet. It could be awesome!"
Riko still looked disappointed.
"Are you excited?" Midori worked up the courage to ask, and Riko sighed.
Oops. She hadn't meant to ruin her excitement.
"Sorry."
Riko looked at her, sad. This wasn't working the way she wanted it to, at all.
"I wish you weren't so grown up already."
Oh.
All she could say was, "Sorry".
"It isn't your fault, Midori-chan!" Riko rushed to assure her, throwing her arms around Midori in a tight hug that she returned quickly.
"It's just… I remember what you were like before. You were so excited and happy! Now you're so quiet and always look so worried whenever I see you. I wish you never had to go through all that."
"I am happy though," she answered after a few seconds, "Everyone here has been wonderful! I can move three steps without getting picked up and carried around or hugged. It's nice. I like it here. If it had never happened, I wouldn't have met Junpei either!"
"Really? You'd choose to go through all of that again?"
Yeah. All she had to do was look into Riko's face and she'd have all the motivation she would need to fight Toji all over again.
"Yes."
Geto was back by now, bento boxes packed, water bottles filled. He seemed taken aback by the seriousness on both girls' faces, faltering a little.
"Something wrong?" He ventured to ask, as their conversation halted.
"Just wishing things had been different." Midori answered, and Riko winced a little. That whole conversation probably went far differently than Riko was planning too.
They both walked away unsatisfied.
This trip could end up interesting.
Geto carried her down the steps to the waiting cars, the anxious kid, like he expected her to fall down if left to her own devices. She hadn't tripped and fallen down the steps at all yet, Toji's throwing children down the stairs technique notwithstanding.
There was a mild argument between Gojo and Yu-nii about who she was going to sit with, mostly turning into a puppy-calling contest, complete with Gojo's whistles. She went straight to Yaga instead, whose car was the only one with a safety seat.
Junpei, Nanami, and Ieiri were the other three people in the car, Ieiri up front, as far from Midori as she could get, and Nanami was unfortunately sandwiched in the middle between the safety and booster seats. He pulled out a book with a sigh, clearly resigned.
Being so close to Ieiri made the car ride more stressful than it had to be. It was probably good for her, spending time with Ieiri in a safe environment, but being unable to leave if she wanted to wasn't ideal. The safety seat, keeping her trapped in place, made it worse.
Junpei tried to help, bless him, but she wasn't nearly focused enough to handle a game of eye spy. Nanami probably noticed her nerves, but she didn't want to annoy him by asking for anything he didn't want to give. She was shivering noticeably by the time they hit around twenty minutes in.
She should just cut to the case. Calling her cursed energy was less of a command and more of a wave of her hand to get its attention. It began circulating at the barest of instructions, barely even a fully formed thought, and her temperature dropped like a stone into the ocean, so cold she stopped shivering entirely.
Better than shivering uncontrollably at least and definitely distracting too. Cursed energy really was so helpful!
The trip went faster once her cursed energy started circulating. It was enchanting to watch, and she knew she was probably staring off into space, unseeing, but what was happening inside her own body was so interesting. It was somewhere between enthralling and meditative, in that it was all she could focus on.
Cold electricity spasming down her arms until it reached her fingertips, then back up, down her torso until it spread numbness all the way to her feet. Racing to her head, like there was someone to beat there. A steady rhythm, reassuring in its regularity. In three seconds, her fingers would tingle lightly, not really at a skin level, more at a mental one really, but tingle they would. At seven seconds, the energy would reach her feet, like small sparks on her paralyzed nerves, and by ten, it would reach her head, and the cycle would start over. Ten, ten, ten.
Lovely. She could keep time like this. As a bonus, she couldn't even feel the straps of the safety seat, she was basically completely unrestrained! They were still there, but not being able to feel them put her mind at ease, false reassurance that she could escape if needed.
She didn't pay much attention to anything else at all until a hand waved in front of her face very closely, nearly brushing her nose, some five hundred and sixty-seven repetitions later.
Blinking her eyes felt odd, like she had to remember to do it. Nanami moved to unbuckle her safety seat and recoiled on contact, something like alarm on his face. She wasn't using any more than normal, maybe twenty percent, just agitating it a lot more than usual. For a lot longer too.
Yaga was talking, his mouth moving, but she just wasn't very interested. Why would she, the five hundred and seventy third repetition was starting!
Something was right in front of her face, distracting from the sight. Gojo's piercing eyes dragged hers to meet his gaze almost forcefully, a silent command. It was like- not ice, she was already so cold- hot water had been dumped down her shirt, making her sit up and focus on him.
He was mouthing something, and each time her eyes tried to wander away he moved closer, only pulling back when she looked back at him.
Gojo was touching her, except not, because she couldn't feel it the way she should. Infinity?
Junpei was watching, she noticed when her eyes started to wander. He looked worried, Yaga next to him, hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. Yaga really was such a good father.
Gojo snapped in front of her face, making her blink a little.
Rude.
He picked her up, dragging her from the car. Someone had unbuckled her at some point.
Where were they going?
The water was so pretty. It was nice of Gojo to share the sight.
For a few seconds she was airborne, and the cursed energy's cycling stopped as it fought to help her right herself, just in time for her to hit the water and the rocky bottom, both shockingly hot against her skin, and immediately got fished out by someone with dark hair as she sat there, stunned.
Someone was shouting at Gojo, multiple someone's, but he was right in front of her again, eyes searching for something no one else could see. Whatever it was, he was satisfied, snatching her from stubborn arms and hugging her tightly.
What a turn of events! She was falling again! Dropped or potentially just set down, suddenly, by both Gojo and whoever had been carrying her. Geto? They were fighting, mostly verbally. Gojo was on the defensive, leaned away, and Geto's whole posture radiated anger as he leaned in, quick, sharp gestures emphasizing whatever he was saying.
More dark hair appeared, this time attached to Junpei as he attached himself to her like a limpet, worried furrowed brows and concerned eyes. She patted him on the head reassuringly.
Yaga picked her and Junpei up at the same time. Hopefully he didn't drop them at all. Yu-nii was there with a towel, patting her dry roughly, scrubbing at her skin like he was attempting to warm her up. Yaga kept her and Junpei close, and she was plastered against him like a wet noodle, hair undoubtedly askew, soaking wet shirt leaving wet spots on his shirt and clinging to his hands.
Eventually, she was dry enough for Yaga to shoe Yu-nii off, and he did so with moderate frustration. His shoulders were set high, every movement too animated, and he kept staring her way.
Yaga didn't say much, just kept a hold of her. Gojo and Geto's spat was over with, but both boys' egos had clearly taken some damage, leaving them both bristling and snappish. Gojo sat down, arms crossed, next to Yaga defensively.
Whenever she started to focus inwards, Gojo would distract her somehow, shattering the cycle before she could get even half a repetition in, until she got fed up and gave up on trying to sink back down into that wonderful state of peace.
They were in a parking lot of some sort, she realized belatedly, bordering a stream. The one Gojo had thrown her in.
Why'd he even do that?
She let herself fall to the side, laying across Yaga's lap and spilling over into Gojo's. He seemed a little surprised by her willingness to touch him. Not like throwing her in a river would be enough to make her scared of him. A little irritated, maybe, later.
Gojo started running his fingers through her hair, tugging her hair-stick free and untangling the strands with shocking efficiency. He would hit a snag for half a second and then glide right through it the next. Weird.
A weird feeling of solidity crept back in slowly, like she slowly became real again. Sounds started making sense, the soft murmur of Junpei and Yu-nii talking, the sound of Gojo's fingers combing through her hair, now as snarl-free as it could be without a decent brush. She wasn't sure where he put the hair-stick, but she would need to ask Riko to put it back up for her sometime.
Dissociation was so strange. One moment she was on a car ride, the next she was getting thrown in a stream.
"Why'd you throw me in the water?" She asked, and just speaking out loud made her feel human again.
Gojo perked up, and Yaga's attention snapped over to her in an instant.
"I couldn't get you to snap out of it. Thought the water might wake you up and make your cursed energy stop doing that thing it was doing. What were you doing?" Gojo asked, peering down at her past his sunglasses.
"I couldn't stop shivering, so I decided that I should just get more cold so that I stop. Used my cursed energy, got really focused on how it moved, then watched through five hundred and seventy-nine cycles of ten seconds. It was more interesting than just staring out the window. Got a little lost though."
Gojo scoffed.
"A little?"
She could concede his point.
"A lot." She agreed.
"Why didn't you say something?" Yaga asked levelly.
He's mad.
"I was just bored."
"You were cold." He shot back, not accusing at all, but still pointed.
"I'm always cold. It doesn't really matter. I was just getting annoyed with shivering."
He's mad at her. Yaga took a deep, settling breath, nearly a sigh.
"If you start shiverin-" He cut himself off, something in his tone coming out differently than he wanted, "If you feel that way again, please tell me or one of my students."
She nodded a little lamely, considering she was still sideways.
"I'll throw you in the water again, if you need it!" Gojo added, attempting humor, and she laughed a little bit.
"Where even are we?" She asked, looking around the parking lot.
"Nearest parking spot we could find. I spotted your cursed energy doing something weird, so I called Yaga-sensei and had him check on you. When you didn't respond, we went and looked for a spot to stop." Goio explained.
Way to mess up everyone's outing.
"Don't start blaming yourself, Midori-chan," Gojo said, poking her on the forehead to make his point. It was her fault though.
"Can she come with us?" Gojo suddenly asked, turning his pleading eyes on Yaga. His puppy dog eyes were devastatingly effective, and Yaga floundered a little under its full force.
"Safety seat." Yaga said, a little lamely.
Gojo pouted, dragging her up and into his arms. He pressed his face against her cheek, trying to increase the effects of his puppy dog eye attack. She couldn't even see them anymore from here, but the memory lingered. Like a puppy and a kitten and the bluest color you could ever hope to see in your life all mixed together
"Infinity!" Gojo replied hopefully, still leaning into her. Her deer in the headlights look wasn't doing him any favors.
Yaga's resolve firmed, recovering from Gojo's attack, and he shook his head.
"She is legally required to be in a safety seat while she is being driven in a car. You know that Gojo-kun." Yaga said firmly, and Gojo wilted with a groan, disappointed.
"Ieiri-san has requested to trade though, so you can swap with her."
Gojo shot back up, practically wagging his tail, and Yaga gestured towards Ieiri, who was talking with Yu-nii and Nanami, with his thumb.
"Better beat Haibara-kun there." Yaga warned, and Gojo looked up, spotting Haibara.
Gojo pushed her right over to Yaga and scrambled over to Ieiri, nearly bowling the younger teen over as a consequence, and Nanami had to back away to avoid the same fate.
Yet another little argument was starting.
Road trips, ugh. Was she going to have to make some rules?
In the end, Gojo got his way, likely on account of being able to tell if she was getting lost again and pull her out of it. Nanami got a free ticket to the front seat as a bonus, and she could tell that he was relieved to push the responsibility of watching her onto Gojo.
Yaga had to lay several towels down, on the bottom and back of her safety seat, just to make sure the water wouldn't soak in and start making things musty. It was even less comfortable than before, which was saying a lot, but it did the trick more or less.
Gojo was far more entertaining than Nanami had been, and it made staying in the present much easier. She felt bad for thinking it, though. The teen didn't owe them entertainment, or his time. Some selfish part of her just wished that they could hang out sometime, even though he clearly would be uncomfortable with it. That would have to wait until they both were a little more mature.
How far were they even going? It was nearly three hours into the trip, and they had been sitting in traffic for nearly half of it. The road trip games were getting repetitive.
"I spy something white!" Gojo proclaimed grandly, and both her and Junpei sighed a little.
"Your hair?" Junpei guessed.
"Correct!" Gojo shouted, like a game show host, and Junpei still smiled a little, even though that was the third time he had used his own hair.
"I spy something… um. Blue?" Junpei tried, still nervous as a chihuahua surrounded by great danes.
"My eyes?" Gojo asked, excited, but Junpei shook his head.
"Satoru-san's uniform?"
"How about that car?"
"That sign- no that one, over there?"
All no so far.
There was a new sign up ahead, a large one, even visible from the packed road that they were on. Cartoonish animals were printed all over it.
"We're going to the ZOO?" She asked loudly, and Yaga made a noise of agreement, focused intently on merging into a different lane.
"The zoo!" Junpei echoed with shock, which melted away into delight in a moment. His grin was wonderful, the game forgotten.
Gojo seemed equally interested in their destination, snatching a printed map that Nanami offered, holding it out so that they could read it too.
A big zoo. There were little railways to take people across the zoo even.
"There's a new exhibit, I thought Midori-chan might be interested in seeing it.
It took another twenty minutes for both cars to park safely, and they all piled out, grouping around Yaga as he laid out the game plan.
"I got the late passes, so we can stay until seven at the latest. It is," he checked his watch, "nearly one right now, so we have a maximum of six hours to wander the zoo. Amanai-san and Kuroi-san have agreed to watch Midori-chan and Junpei-kun, so please stay in pairs at the minimum. Don't get into trouble, and make sure you have your cellphones on you at all times. Be at the gates by six forty-five at the latest, please."
The groups split up quickly, mostly into the kids' group and the student group. The students mostly milled about until Geto took the lead, heading for the gates while passing out printed tickets.
Yaga herded the kids' group, him, Kuroi, Riko, Junpei, and her, towards the gates as well. Getting in was easy enough, and she was even young enough to get in free! She would feel less guilty about how much this trip probably cost. The gas prices alone were probably sky high.
Kuroi had the route already planned out, complete with estimated time spent and an extra hour reserved for any longer stays.
This was a ridiculously big zoo. Food stands and gift shops lined the entrance, one of several according to the map. The sheer number of animal exhibits was shocking in itself.
They started with African animals, zebras, elephants, giraffes, etc. Giraffes were up first, and they were huge, even bigger than she had last remembered.
"Want to feed one?" A zookeeper asked invitingly, offering a compressed patty of some food to her.
She looked to Yaga, who nodded instantly. Taking the patty, she walked over to the fence. She could barely reach over it, and Yaga was lifting her up easily without even a request, lifting her high enough to get the giraffe's attention. It was huge!
Giraffe tongues were purple! She had forgotten that.
It got saliva all over her hand, wrapping around it partially as it took the treat, and she shuddered a little. Still, it crunched happily, and the others noticed that one was getting fed, wandering over. The guests were delighted, one woman even daring to touch the giraffe's searching tongue, laughing at the feeling.
One bold giraffe even went for Riko, licking her hair when she turned her back, making the teen squeal. Her hair was left sticking up slightly in places, but the giraffe didn't get to eat it, so it was a narrow escape.
The zebras were cute, though not feedable. She understood, she wouldn't let children feed horses either, let alone zebras, which were known for biting. Too much of a bite risk, all it took was improperly holding the treat and kids could lose some fingers quickly.
She admired them from afar, in any case. Little demon horses. Not ridable at all, don't believe the movies.
Maybe next time they went to the movie store they could find that one movie… what was it, the one with the zebra who became a racehorse. Completely fake, but entertaining.
Elephants were amazing, and luckily this zoo didn't offer rides, or else she would have had to leave immediately. She'd left and never went back to her favorite 4-H fair when they started doing elephant rides.
One in particular seemed interested in her, bumping her trunk against the glass. She bumped it back. Interspecies communication at its finest.
Lions were also interested in her, in a different way, one stalking the glass wherever she tried to move, blocking her view. Yaga had to lift her up to see over into the full exhibit, and it still never looked away from her, hungry.
They moved to other exhibits, more American animals, alligators, moose, and the absolute cutest wolf she had ever laid eyes on. Not that she had seen many, but still. The student group was there too, dragged by Gojo most likely.
The wolf had albinism, which probably had drawn Gojo in, and actually quite focused on Gojo, head tilting curiously at every noise that he made.
"Cute wolfy!" She said, a way of announcing herself to the group, and Yu-nii swooped in to hug her tightly.
"Having fun?" He asked, perching her on his hip in a motherly fashion.
"Yeah! I fed a giraffe!"
"Is that so?" Geto asked with amusement, walking closer.
"It was so cool! Riko-chan got licked!"
"Really?" Geto drawled, amused, and Riko smoothed her hair down self-consciously.
"The lion wanted to eat me!" She told Yu-nii, who gasped a little, dramatically playing along.
"Thank goodness Yaga-sensei and everyone was there, you might have been gobbled right up!" He said, hand on his chest as if relieved.
She giggled, which drew a smile out of him. A group of teenage girls that had been fawning distantly over Gojo and Geto froze at the sight, one girl even dropping her drink. Nanami, notably, stepped between them and Haibara.
Jealous, or just protective? She couldn't quite tell.
They parted ways, Gojo content with meeting, as he called it, "The prettiest animal in the zoo."
Monkeys were next, and she was a little intimidated. She never liked seeing monkeys in zoos. The gorillas were cool, but she kept her distance from the ledge. Chimpanzees were terrifying.
One exhibit, on the way to Chinese animals, was full of animals she hadn't seen before.
"What are those?" She asked, pointing to the small mammals. They were racoon sized, and sort of looked like a cross between a raccoon and a fox.
"Tanuki." Yaga answered.
What.
"Those are real?" She asked, shocked.
"Yes." Yaga said, bemused by her shocked reaction.
"They're so cute!" She exclaimed, pressing her face close to the glass. She had thought that they were fictional, like kitsune and kappa!
"You like them?" Yaga asked, and she nodded, squealing softly when a little one stumbled, tripping over a stick, then attacked the object out of revenge.
They moved on after twenty minutes, more than allotted, but they were just so cute.
The next exhibits didn't hold a candle to the tanuki but still were interesting. The red pandas were adorable, though they lacked the novelty of the tanuki. Which were real, apparently.
Eventually, Yaga straightened a little, a bit more focused.
The next exhibit was the panda one.
Yaga, you sly man.
He picked her up again so that she could see the pandas. There was a flipping baby there, and she bumped her face against the glass trying to get a better look at it, cooing.
"You would say that you like pandas, Midori-chan?" Yaga asked, weirdly intense. She eyed him a little.
"Yeah! They're so cute, I want to hug them!" She said, keeping her tone cheerful.
"But they would probably kill me." she said, frowning.
Except for one particular panda, whom she could potentially befriend.
Yaga please. Tell her she had this right.
Let her meet Panda.
"So, if you got the chance to meet a panda safely, you would take it?" Yaga asked, still intent on her answer.
"Absolutely." Yes, Yaga please. Panda. She wants to meet Panda! A second friend her age, it would dramatically broaden the range of games that they could play. And the hugs, oh the hugs. Did Panda like hugs? She hoped Panda liked hugs.
They stayed at the panda site for a long time, and she made sure to complain several times about pandas being too dangerous to hug. How cute they were, how huggable, how much she would like to have a panda friend. She probably laid it on a bit thick, but Yaga seemed more certain now, like he had made a decision.
Yaga, please let her meet Panda.
They had to move on eventually, and she made a show of how reluctant and conflicted she felt to leave, not enough to make them stay but enough to make Yaga notice. Please, Yaga.
They were about half-way through the zoo when Yaga called for a lunch break. She didn't know what Geto had packed her, but hoped it was onigiri.
It was.
She hummed a little when she took her first bite, and the others seemed amused as they watched her eat happily. Kuroi and Riko bought some food-stand food, and Yaga had brought something cold with rice and vegetables.
After lunch, they stood in line for ice-cream at a food truck. She got an ice-cream cookie sandwich, one of her favorites.
The students rejoined them by the time Yaga finished ordering the kid group's ice-cream, and he waved them over too, getting their orders and paying.
Everyone gathered around the too small table that Kuroi had kept for them, fending off the crowd.
"There were pandas!" She told Geto excitedly, and he hummed appreciatively.
"Pandas huh?" Gojo said conspiratorially, shooting Yaga a meaningful look.
Yaga took his ice-cream in return, despite Gojo's protest, holding it away from him.
"Alright, I get it!"
Yaga relented, handing the rainbow sprinkle coated ice-cream cone back to Gojo, who had to lick it quickly in order to stop it from dripping all over his hand.
It was maybe three hours in by now, and she had honestly been flagging a bit before the break. The crowds, the people, all the walking, and using very little cursed energy to boot. She wasn't particularly shaken by the dissociation event. it honestly hadn't been that scary, at least for her. Yaga however, had been frightened by it and often stopped to check her skin temperature as they went through the zoo, so she kept her usage to a minimum just to reassure him.
Once she finished her ice-cream, she was snatched away by Geto, who also checked her skin temperature, a hand on her forehead, sharp eyes looking carefully for any signs that she was out of it.
"I'm alright, Geto-san!" She assured him, and he just hummed, noncommittal.
"Satoru should not have thrown you in the water though. Are you completely dry yet?" He asked, tugging at her jacket.
"No," she admitted, "it's still a little wet. I don't mind it too much."
Geto still seemed a bit annoyed, tugging a little her hair as he combed his fingers through it. It was still down, meaning it was getting more snarled by the second as it dried. She didn't know where Gojo had put the hair-stick. Must have left it in the car or something, it was too big to be put in anybody's pockets.
Fixing her hair up a bit was easy enough, though not as effectively as a brush would have been, and Riko offered them a hair-tie, so Geto could put her hair in a ponytail at the very least. It kept her long hair out of her face, and Geto proved himself to be quite skilled at doing ponytails well, without even any lumps.
It seemed like people were more or less ready to group together now, the students already having visited their high priority exhibits and ready for a slower wander around the zoo, so they ended up merging groups.
She walked with Yaga, holding his hand to fend off any kidnapping attempts by Gojo, and Yu-nii happily took her other hand. Really, she knew he loved physical touch, and she was more than happy to provide, but he had to learn to share her, at least a little bit. Doubtless, he hadn't been taught the ins and outs of sharing in his childhood, not in his clan, and she'll probably have to teach him.
Who thought that under-socializing the kid who would grow up to be the world's strongest sorcerer was a good idea? Why not shoot his parents in front of him, see how much that would mess him up, if that's what they were aiming for? Idiots. Read one single childcare book and see just how much they had fucked up his childhood.
Ugh. He was making her feel bad, with those terrible thoughts.
She let go of Yaga's hand and took Gojo's, keeping a tight hold on Yu-nii to keep from getting pulled away immediately.
"Share." She instructed him, and luckily he listened, at least for now, content to be holding her hand. The moment that Yu-nii let go though, he would doubtlessly yank her away and carry her around. Optimal for physical contact, not optimal for actually letting her walk, like a person who had perfectly operational legs. She needed to use them! Walking around was still fun, even if she wasn't using her cursed energy.
They hit the reptile section first, then the insects, both of which were moderately unpleasant. Lizards, beetles, and the single largest spider she had ever seen in her life were not exactly her idea of a good time. Yu-nii kept close to her, probably sensing her distaste for the insects especially the large spider.
"Midori-chan! Look, you can hold a spider over there." Gojo said, and she kicked it into reverse in an instant, climbing up Yu-nii's legs and clinging to his chest like a sloth as Gojo tried to tug her over there.
Literally nothing in this universe or her own could convince her to hold a spider willingly.
Yu-nii was an angel, locking his arms around her protectively, and Gojo's disappointment was palpable. Come on, begging was not going to convince her to willingly hold a spider. Living or dead, she wasn't gonna touch it.
"You could ask Geto-san? OH! Junpei-kun, ask Junpei-kun!" She said quickly, searching for somewhere to redirect him, and Gojo took the bait, leaping over and dragging the poor kid away without even a word of warning. Junpei would probably like it. Probably.
Hopefully.
They hung around the insect section for a while, because yes, apparently Junpei liked bugs. With Gojo by his side, Junpei came out of his shell a little bit, bolder. Gojo had that effect, that unthinking confidence, it was infectious.
He was good for Junpei.
But they spent way too long in the insect exhibit for her taste.
Gojo got Junpei a stuffed animal spider, because he only knows how to buy love, and Junpei cradled it like it was made of pure gold. She couldn't even be mad about it and its eight creepy legs, Junpei looked so happy to be given a gift.
They left, finally, and she had to pretend that her skin didn't crawl at the plush's blank eight-eyed stare. Junpei was oblivious, holding it out to show her, and she had to take it, because he just looked so hopeful.
"Very cute!" She lied through her teeth, and handed it back, probably too quickly, but Junpei didn't seem to notice.
Next was the arctic section, to her relief. It was even air conditioned, which was heavenly after the afternoon heat and the sun beating down on them.
Nanami in particular looked like he had been overdressed, with his shirt's long sleeves rolled up, collar slightly askew from being tugged uncomfortably. His outfit was subtly emo, dark colored, button up shirt, vest, and his black boots. It looked nice, but hot too. Aesthetics were worth the pain, apparently.
The polar bears looked… sad, unfortunately. Was there any zoo with happy polar bears? Of the three, only one of them didn't look depressed, if only because they were staring hungrily at the guests. Geto looked put off, watching the bears.
"Let's go." She insisted, and Yaga complied, luckily. They were making her sad. It was too hot for the poor things. With this many people around, she couldn't exactly do anything about it either. Someday, maybe she could convince Yaga to bring her back, let her cool the area down for them, at least a little. Even just for a little bit would be enough for them. If they weren't in such an inhospitable environment, maybe they would be more active, and then more people would be interested in them, so the zoo would take better care of them.
The penguins looked much better, kept in an enclosure that had a lot more toys and cool hideaways. This zoo was showing its favoritism here.
There were numerous zookeepers present, feeding them, and she cooed just a little watching them swarm each zookeeper, like piranhas after the same fish.
The small aquarium was next, and Riko seemed to be the most excited for that, along with Kuroi.
She didn't miss how the four of them, Gojo, Geto, Riko, and Kuroi, grouped together closely as they wandered around, looking at fish on one side of the underwater tunnel and arctic seals on the other. Riko was entranced by the fish, but Kuroi seemed to be getting a little emotional, watching Riko stare outwards in awe.
"It's ok, Kuroi-san." She said softly, giving the woman's legs a reassuring hug. Kuroi looked like she was ready to burst into tears at any moment, but she held herself together by the skin of her teeth. Yaga seemed to notice too, and came over, whispering something that she couldn't quite make out, but it drew her attention from Riko, still staring upwards at a fish, to him.
Gojo and Geto joined Riko, looking upwards at the fish together. It probably felt nostalgic, until Yu-nii joined them too, craning upwards to watch a blue and yellow fish. She went their way, leaving Yaga and Kuroi to talk softly.
Riko looked sad, from the front, something in her eyes that held a sort of helpless guilt. Gojo held out his arm invitingly, bending down a little and Riko burrowed right into him, burying her face in his shoulder. Midori couldn't tell if she was crying or not, but she hugged Riko's legs anyways.
Geto stood a short distance away, something like regret in his eyes and she waved to him firmly. He shook his head, a silent refusal, but then Riko's hand stretched out.
Geto stared at her hand for several seconds, enough for it to begin to drop, before finally taking a step forward. He joined the hug awkwardly, and she made sure to grab his leg with one arm, just to drag him closer and close the distance between them. He stumbled forward, falling into Riko, but Gojo held steady while they both righted themselves.
Eventually Riko composed herself again, only slightly red-eyed, and turned to watch the fish again, still leaning against Gojo. Geto's face was unreadable, watching her and Gojo look out through the glass.
Was this what jealousy looks like? He didn't look angry, he looked more sad. Gojo loved one specific person, and that was definitely Geto. He had to know that, right.
Who was she kidding, of course they were both emotionally constipated idiots who wouldn't know love if it smacked them in the face. Geto was inches from kissing Gojo earlier and now he thinks that Gojo likes Riko of all people. They were siblings at best!
It was so obvious! Gojo is not the type to be subtle, if he loved Riko, it would be pretty obvious, just like it was absolutely obvious that he was in love with Geto. To everyone but Geto, apparently.
It was matchmaker time for her apparently, good grief. Couldn't Geto be a little more selfish and not just give up at the first implication that Gojo could possibly like someone else?
Or maybe he was just thinking about the unfairness of the jujutsu world again, how cruel it was. Gojo and Riko were both excellent examples, a lamb raised to slaughter, and a weapon raised to kill on command. Both of them had suffered so much, neither of them had been given a choice in their futures. Gojo allowed Riko to make her choice, but who allowed him his?
Gojo Satoru alone was the honored one. There was no one currently alive who was stronger than him, and only Geto who could stand with him. Who's to say how powerful Geto would grow on this new path, or if Gojo would end up leaving him behind? Gojo couldn't quit being a sorcerer, no matter what else he might want, the world wouldn't allow it. Did he even allow himself to hope for a different life, a normal one? The moment he was born, the balance shifted, and curses had only grown stronger in competition. If he wasn't there to fight back, would the higher ups allow him to keep his weight on the scale, or would they do their best to kill him off in hopes the power of curses dropped once again? It was a tenuous cycle.
God they just need to kiss already and talk some things out, face to face, not just suffer in silence.
Their group hug had to end eventually, and she tugged a pliant Geto over to the other side of the aquarium, where the seals were swimming, chasing small minnows.
"If you had the option to leave, would you take it?" She asked, keeping her tone low as she looked up at Geto. His hair was more mussed than before, flyaway strands of hair escaping from his bun.
"The zoo? It's fine, for a zoo," he said comfortingly, before pausing, "are you not having fun?"
"No, it's fun. I meant," she waved her hand a little wiggling her fingers, "sorcery."
"Sorcery?" He repeated, too softly, she barely even heard it.
"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did, I think." He admitted, and the set of his jaw almost screamed pain, regret.
"You don't have to smile."
He blinked, looking at her in confusion.
"You don't have to pretend to like it. Or smile when it hurts. Gojo wouldn't want you to suffer silently, you know that."
He laughed, sorrowful and bitter.
"He has enough to worry about, he doesn't need to take care of me too."
"You guys take care of me." She said, a little too sharply.
"That- that's different, you're a child, you deserve to be taken care of-"
"And you don't?"
"No!"
He seemed surprised by the word that escaped his mouth, a bit too loudly. She pointed to the bathroom sign, and he led her away. The bathrooms were chilly and nearly empty as a result. He stopped outside of it, wearing an irritated expression like a mask, to hide his misguided shame.
"Geto-san. You do deserve help."
"I shouldn't need help. I'm a special grade sorcerer, one of three. I can stand on my own feet, I don't need to burden him more!" He insisted, resentment on his face, doubtless for himself, not her.
"And was Gojo weak for not being able to heal me? For needing Ieiri to heal himself before now?"
"No- Shoko is uniquely capable of healing using reverse curse technique, I can't expect-"
"But you expect to be able to heal yourself?"She challenged.
He didn't have much of a response.
"You need help, Geto-san. Special grade means shit in terms of being capable of handling yourself. Would you look at Gojo and think he was ready for the responsibilities of a full-grown adult? Yaga will help you, all you need to do is ask. You're a child too! Let the adults help you, please!"
Geto looked shocked by her insistence.
"I have you though." He said, suddenly fervid and too intense, taking her hands in his. He was scrambling desperately for any excuse, any other reason.
"I'm four years old, Geto-san," she said, a reprimand, and he winced, guilty, "Psychology is something that I know somehow, but it is no replacement for an actual therapist and support from adults. I can't administer medication that might be able to help and wouldn't dare even if I could, and I don't have the power to protect you from the higher ups. I can't stop them from sending you on missions until they drive you into an early grave or you snap under the pressure. Yaga can. He is. What are the odds everyone had a weekend day off at the same time? He fought hard for this, you think he wouldn't fight just the same way for you? You think he would do this for someone who didn't deserve it?"
Yu-nii, with his nose for emotional distress, chose this moment to walk over to check on them, meaning they had been in front of the bathrooms for far too long.
"Everything alright?" Yu-nii asked, taking in Geto's vulnerable expression just before he managed to wipe it away, under his mask of affable placidity.
"Fine." Geto responded shortly, and he took the chance to escape quickly, before too many questions could be asked.
"What was that?" Yu-nii asked, concerned by Geto's clear anger. He could be angry about the answers all he wanted, but she couldn't be his crutch. She was too young, too weak, and too damn killable to be his only support system. All it took was one stray curse, one mistake on her part, getting just a little too far from someone who would protect her and she would be dead. She had a long time until she would be able to stand strong and protect the others like they protected her. She would be able pay them back for it, someday.
He had to rely on Yaga. She knew he would do what was best for Geto, no matter the consequences with the higher ups.
Gojo genuinely could handle not having Geto by his side. It had sucked for him originally, and probably traumatized him for life, but under different, controlled circumstances, it should be tolerable. There was a difference, a break and a breakdown, and one was much easier to handle the consequences for.
A week, a month, a year. Whatever time Geto needed to be able to breathe easily once again, not just fight for every half breath under all that pressure weighing down on his shoulders.
"I can't say. Sorry, Yu-nii." She finally said, and it didn't assuage his worry.
"If something's going on, you don't have to deal with it alone. Please don't keep it a secret." Yu-nii said, worried and earnest, and she sighed, leaning into his legs.
"It isn't my secret to tell. I'm sorry."
Yu-nii picked her up and she hung there dejectedly for several seconds before he had her comfortably situated in his arms, head on his shoulder.
"Please don't keep things secret from me, Midori-chan." Yu-nii said, nearly a plea, and she almost crumbled right there.
I know the future, she thought, the words on the tip of her tongue, and you will be dead. But the words died before they ever left her lips, and Riko peeked her head over worriedly, breaking the spell.
They left the aquarium as a much quieter group. The others didn't quite know what to make of the sudden mood change, Geto's sudden aggressively affable demeanor and her despondent face.
It was Yaga who decided to push on, skipping over the leftover exhibits in favor of the unknown new one, the one that had inspired him to plan the whole trip.
She couldn't see where they were going with her head looking over Yu-nii's shoulder, but she trusted that he would tell her when they got there. Nanami looked at her, and tilted his head, a silent question.
Nodding felt fake, but she did so anyway. Nanami didn't look convinced exactly, but he accepted it all the same. She watched him walk idly, mostly lost in thought. How could she convince Geto to get help without forcing it? The moment she forced him into something was the moment he would run away, for whatever reason. She didn't have the authority to force him into anything. He had to accept that he both deserved and needed help. Somehow.
Psychology classes so often assumed authority over others when pushing them into getting help, for those who would go to work in facilities as staff. Equality with patients, at the very least. No class ever covered trying to get someone to accept help while you yourself were a child. They would most likely tell her to tell a trusted adult but… What if she pushed him too far in the process? His breakdown would be her fault this time, and the fallout would be too. If he hurt himself or others, it would all be because of her, someone who never should have existed in the first place.
Yu-nii jolted her out of her thoughts with a gentle touch to her shoulder, making her blink back to awareness. Nanami was watching her closely, and she had probably been staring at him for a while while she was lost in thought. Oops. Probably had been making him uncomfortable.
Yu-nii covered her eyes then, and she went still automatically.
"It's a surprise!" Yu-nii said, answering her unspoken question.
They entered a room of some sort, then a hallway. There was a muffled discussion, someone shushing someone else loudly. Undoubtedly Gojo was the one being shushed. The shusher was… Kuroi, maybe, she couldn't quite tell.
"Ready?" Yu-nii asked in a stage whisper, and she could already hear Junpei gasping, and someone else silencing him before he could say anything.
She nodded.
Butterflies.
A lot of butterflies. Moths too, there was a lunar moth on the tree over there, and a few monarchs fighting over a flower, and a huge blueish green one with yellow, the one that had caught Junpei's awed eyes. It was warm and humid, probably uncomfortably so for people who weren't air conditioned.
One alighted down awkwardly, its wing damaged somehow, and Ieiri reached out a hand to catch it. In a blink, it was recovered, fluttering away like it had never been injured at all.
She wished so much that she wasn't scared of Ieiri, the doctor had her dream power, the one she had always wished that she had. Ieiri could just go to a hospital and start healing, if she wanted to.
It was the type of power that Midori would end up killing herself with if she actually got it, unable to acknowledge her own limits in favor of helping others.
A butterfly had already landed on Yu-nii's cheek, a tan striped one, and another was inches from Junpei's nose as he backed away uncertainly. Nanami stepped in, coming up behind Junpei and leaning over him, catching the black and yellow butterfly before it could land on the anxious boy's face and lowering it to show him from a larger distance. Junpei leaned back into Nanami, seeking a little reassurance, and he provided it with a steady hand on Junpei's shoulder without putting any real thought into it, too focused on the butterfly to be nervous around kids.
Gojo was already on the hunt for the bluest butterfly he could find, and Geto joined in, pointing out various ones that were any color except blue in the most convincing tone possible just to draw Gojo over.
Riko was more interested in the flowers, and Kuroi was enjoying watching Riko's expression. Yaga, Midori noticed, was watching her.
She inspected the butterfly on Yu-nii's face, and he held out a hand for her, two butterflies already in his palm.
The room had a broad concrete path, with many signs warning about watching your step. Despite that, many butterflies were crushed on the ground by people's careless feet. There was probably a metaphor there, but she didn't have the energy to parse it out at the moment.
How long had they been here?
A butterfly alighted on her arm, making her let out an embarrassing squeak as it continued crawling up her arm.
It was just sudden, so it surprised her! And now Yu-nii was giggling, unable to smother it completely with both his hands taken up. Right in her ear too.
They stayed there among the butterflies for nearly an hour, finding an empty table and stealing enough chairs to make a rough circle around it. She pulled out her notebook and started taking notes on the various species, color, approximate wingspan based upon -with no other options- Yu-nii's pointer finger, and who the various species seemed to like the most. Basic science stuff, for the most part.
She couldn't sketch worth a damn, but Riko was quite good, making little drawings for her that Junpei colored in carefully with colored pencils from her backpack. Someday, she'd be able to look up the actual names for each species, and her little notebook turned Pokedex would begin.
She should totally make a cursed spirit Pokedex. A Cursedex, if you will.
New life goal! Document all cursed spirits in existence, technique, weaknesses, strengths, and how they varied in appearance. There were specific species of cursed spirits, like flyheads, but how much did they vary until they weren't flyheads anymore?
Maybe she could even try and document what fears they were made by?
Now she just needed a nice notebook sometime, a tough one. Geto would be invaluable for that, most likely. With him, she could even safely study them!
"Geto-san!" She called, getting his attention from his little wrestling match with Gojo, fighting over… a leaf.
A leaf. A pretty leaf, granted, but a literal leaf.
Really?
"I want to be a scientist! I'm gonna study cursed spirits! Will you help me?"
Yaga looked surprised, and then utterly relieved, like he suddenly foresaw her as having a future besides Jujutsu sorcerer. Cursed spirit scientist wasn't a whole lot better, but she wouldn't be taking missions either.
Gojo looked torn between relieved and disappointed. Had he been hoping he could help teach her to be a really strong sorcerer? Training would still be welcome, but she didn't want to be a genuine sorcerer, taking missions until she died. Stop the bad future and document spirits, that's what she wanted out of life. Getting her degree would be great, but the sheer amount of school she still had to go through was daunting, to say the least.
"Of course." Geto agreed. Even if they were disagreeing, he still agreed to help her. That meant a lot to her.
Eventually, they had to leave. It was probably around six hours into the trip, and she was ready to crawl into bed and hide under the covers until the whole world was quiet for once. The butterflies were wonderful, and she had almost twenty pages of her Butterfly Dex completed, but she was more than ready to go home and sleep.
Gojo got to her first for once, reaching to pick her up, but she held out a hand, instead walking up to Nanami with the best puppy dog eyes, hands raised, asking for a piggyback ride.
He was clearly boiling hot, his clothing sticking to him, but he was also weak to puppy dog eyes, too kindhearted to truly refuse her.
So, when he picked her up reluctantly, she called her cursed energy, stirring it up once, twice, three times to drop her body temperature down quickly.
Nanami flinched, surprised and alarmed, but she draped herself over his back and let her arms hang around his neck.
"Better?" She asked as he watched warily. He blinked, surprised, but he felt far less tense, the cold seeping in. That's right, she was portable air conditioning!
"Are you alright?" He asked, ever the pragmatist.
"I'm fine. This is pretty normal temperature for me when I'm using my ma- my cursed energy," god she almost said magic, just to annoy him, "it's not dangerous at all. I'm at like ten percent, max."
He seemed uncertain, but the comfort of being blessedly cool and her assurance was enough to get him to accept it. And, she got to cuddle up to Nanami, who was wonderfully warm. A perfect pair, at least temperature wise.
Gojo was clearly jealous, but she was almost purring contentedly from her position on Nanami's back, not even bothering to open her eyes as they went through the zoo.
So warm.
It took nearly twenty minutes to get to the cars in the chaos of the people heading home, and she knew the trip home would likely be long and full of traffic, but she was more than content where she was.
She honestly was struggling to stay awake, her head on Nanami's shoulder, and made a complaining noise when Nanami set her down. He climbed into the front seat, and Gojo climbed into the back seat, to avoid a repeat of what happened last time.
Car ride sleep was the worst type of sleep, but she took what she could get. Junpei was conked out too, leaning on Gojo's shoulder, and he too was leaning against the side of her safety seat. She didn't have enough freedom of movement to lean against Gojo, so her head just hung uncomfortably.
Some cloth, still warm from being worn, was shoved under her chin, cushioning her head and allowing her neck some relief, and she mumbled a garbled sort of thank you to whoever it was.
Sometime later, she was blinking awake. It was completely dark by now. Gojo had poked her awake roughly, face too close to hers, making her shrink away.
"Want something to eat?" Yaga asked from the front seat.
She didn't have a clue where they were at, and even if she did, she wouldn't really care. Sleep called her name.
"Onigiri." She managed to say before her eyes shut once again. She didn't even hear their response, except for a soft laugh.
Gojo shook her awake again, this time with the welcome offering of an onigiri, hopefully filled with her favorite filling. One bite confirmed it, and she was sitting up a little to eat better.
Junpei had a kid's meal, and Gojo appeared to be eating a cheeseburger. They were parked outside a 7-11, probably where they got the onigiri from.
It took all of her will to stay awake long enough to polish off her onigiri, and the moment she finished it another one was placed in her hand. She groaned, a little irritable.
"Sleep time." She said, to nobody in particular, handing Gojo the onigiri back, taking the cloth that she had been laying on and bundling it up into a pillow, repositioning herself into a comfortable position.
No one stopped her from going back to sleep, this time.
She had vague memories of the car getting parked and someone lifting her up, the sound of soft laughter and teasing, and seeing Junpei, also being carried, that plush spider still clutched in one hand.
By the time they reached her bedroom she was fast asleep once again.