Chapter 28: Loüošas Atlithas (Torturous Memories)

Even if only a memory no dragon relinquishes even a single piece of their hoard. ~ Unknown

"No, fifteen years, thirty-six days, and eight hours, give or take an hour..." Twilight automatically recounted how old Spike was when he molted, blushing in embarrassment as she wished she could be more precise. For one, she was not sure if one counted when the signs started or when Spike 'broke out' of his stone prison. For another, Spike had hid during a large part of his molt making it hard to know with the precision that she preferred. "I wish I could be more precise but..."

Azure spun to face SpikeGuardian exclaiming in shock. "You weren't even a hundred when you molted!?"

Twilight frowned at SpikeGuardian's reaction, a noncommittal grunt and shrug followed up a slight smirk at the groaning response. That was straight Spike. It was moments like this when the drake goes and does or say something exactly how Spike would have... She was trying but things like that made it all the more difficult for her to believe that Spike she knew and love was gone regardless of SpikeGuardian's and Šizra's claim...

'All that remains of Spike are scattered fragments of fading memories... and the name he chose deeply etched into my spirit...'

'You have met him twice before. Once when Spike was overwhelmed by greed... and again the day I took Spike away.'

It just wasn't making any sense! If Guardian wasn't Spike... Twilight rubbed a hoof against her forehead as her eyes blurred from the emotional whiplash. The unexpected activation of the Crystal Heart had been enough to pull her out of her funk but now she could feel the grief and guilt building again. The emotional turmoil become too much for her to bare anymore and she snapped.

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" SpikeGuardian roared. Twilight's mind flashed back to when two swords were pressed on either side of her neck, nearly to the point of breaking her skin, with a hot, sulfuric breath blowing down on her a vow to end her life if she ever called him Spike again.

That was the last straw for Twilight's fragile psyche. The last thing she was aware of was a sea of pink and the grumbling of someone saying "Fuck! I thought we were past this!"

Twilight woke up with a start. It took her a few panicked moments before she was able to register that she was safe and that she was lying on her bed inside her room within the Crystal Spire. She grasped and then twisted the blankets around her chest as her mind flashed back to the last time she had truly seen Spike. The words of the Tree of Harmony taunting her as she screamed out, desperate to get to Spike.

He must go

He must go

Twilight closed her eyes as tears fell. If only she had gotten to Spike... Then maybe...

'A name.'

'A name?! You tore him from those he loves over a name!?'

'All that remains of Spike are scattered fragments of fading memories... and the name he chose deeply etched into my spirit...'

'His finals words weren't for me but for you, Twilight Sparkle. He wanted me to tell you, 'his sister,' that he loves you with all his heart, always.'

*Knock* *Knock*

"Leave me alone!" Twilight yelled, tempted to throw something at the door to make her displeasure really known. She just wanted to... grieve in peace. Was that too much to ask for?

She grabbed a pillow in her telekinesis when whoever had knocked didn't take the hint and opened the door anyway. The pillow fell from her aura when saw that it was Azure. She was not expecting her, Shining Armor, Cadance, maybe SpikeGuardian, at a stretch, but not the young Windigo.

"No, you are not to be alone." Azure growled out as she shut the door behind her.

Twilight gritted her teeth as she tried to not growl in turn as annoyance spiked above her grief. How dare...! If this was some weird dragon culture thing she was not in the mood to learn... not right now... She needed...

"No one is to go anywhere alone, not even I." Azure continued, clearly unaware (or uncaring) of how her words much less her mere presence was upsetting Twilight. "To walk alone is to die..."

What?! Twilight nearly sputtered out in bewilderment. To walk alone... is to die?! Her mind nearly skittered to a complete stop as she parsed out the meaning of Azure's statement... She was upset, grieving! Not suicidal and thinking about going out for a leisurely stroll during the blizzard of the century!

Azure rubbed her forehead a bit before letting her hand drop down to the amulet around her chest. Twilight sighed, barely holding back a growl. The sooner that Azure said her piece the sooner she could be left in peace. But it seemed that the dragoness was unsure of what to say going by the way she was chewing the bottom of her lips. Twilight could feel one if her eyes twitching ever so slightly. See this was why she wanted to be alone right now, her grief was just to raw to deal with this.

When Azure finally spoke next it was soft and slow. "Spike was far more to you and they don't understand, do they?"

That nearly sent Twilight into spiral of despair. She had failed Spike. Failed her brother (irregardless what Šizra claimed or that damned language insinuated). And there was no way other way to but to say that her being a sister to Spike was a total abject failure. As much as she wished to deny it SpikeGuardian words had only sealed her guilt.

'He hated anything about being a dragon because every exposure to something that was uniquely dragon turned negative and then that was reinforced by the culture he was raised under that saw dragons only as these greedy fire breathing beasts that burn down whatever they can't steal and who would rather kill and eat you then have a civilized conversation! So he felt he had to do anything and everything to suppress the part of him that was screaming out in need to hoard to protect what he treasures less he became what he wrongly feared...'

And yet even then his last words were of love...

'He loves you with all his heart, always.'

Twilight sniffed as she choked out a lowly, "No..."

"Life in Frozen North is harsh and does not care for fairness..." Twilight irritably looked up and over at Azure as the dragoness paused, sitting down at the edge of the bed with a sigh. How dare she try and compare life in the Frozen North to her pain?

He must go

He must go

'What Spike needed...'

'A name.'

'A name?! You tore him from those he loves over a name!?'

"Don't grieve alone, Twilight." Azura finally spoke again after a long pause. That stopped the raging rant that was forming on Twilight's lips. "Is there anyone, anyone at all, that will walk with you?"

Twilight chocked back a sob before slowly nodding, momentarily forgetting that Azure could not see forcing her to croak out a murmured, "Yes..."

"Then go to them Twilight. Walk your grief with them. And when you have finally walked your grief away..." Azure smiled as looked over her shoulder towards Twilight. "May the Steadfast Star lead you home."

Twilight blinked, confused before she realized that this was like with 'Endless Night.' In this case the Steadfast Star must the ice dragon name for the Northern Star. It was the only star in the night sky that could be described as 'steadfast.'

"I will Azure..." Twilight promised, almost missing Azure's reaction.

Azure' s head had jerked back with frown. It almost looked as if what Twilight had just promised had confounded or surprised her. "My name is not Azure."

'Dragons are of fire and flame. In order for me to truly live, Spike had to spark me into life.'

'Spike was burned away five years ago in a manner not dissimilar to Cozy Glow or Tirek.'

'A fundamental... aspect of dragons... the Choosing... A name.'

'Such is the nature of all dragons... I needed a name... he never told him the true consequences...

'All that remains of Spike are scattered fragments of fading memories... and the name he chose deeply etched into my spirit...'

Twilight backed up a step as realization of the horror of what happened to Azure dawned on her. No... no it didn't... She... No, not again.

"Twilight?" 'Azure' called out as Twilight stumbled off of the bed.

"No!" She whispered out.

But when 'Azure' rose from the edge of the bed it only served to frighten Twilight further. Her body shook uncontrollably and her mind raced far beyond the point of a full-blown panic as she found herself up against the wall, unable to escape. The only way out was now past the dragoness. In her desperation, she ending up doing the one thing that she was told to never ever do, especially while panicking, blindly teleport away.

Twilight yelped as she suddenly found herself tumbling down a snowbank. She groaned when she finally came to a stop. As she slowly got to her hooves she cried out in pain as something sharp pricked her back left frog. But before she could check on the possible injury her gaze locked onto the Crystal Spire in the distance. Her fear overwhelmed her again. Even out here it was not far enough. She had to get further away!

Quickly gathering her mana, she teleported again. But no matter how far her mind still screamed at her that she was still not safe, so she kept on teleporting, moving along the tracks leading out of the Empire until she somehow found herself back in Ponyville and inside her personal library. She didn't question how she managed to teleport all the way back home, it should have been an impossibility, but she was utterly spent both emotionally and magically. She barely made it to the chair by the fireplace before falling into a dreamless slumber.

Twilight slowly awoke to the sounds of a fire crackling. She blearily opened her eyes and looked around nearly slipping out of the blanket that was wrapped around her. Her thoughts felt thick, slow to form as she confusedly looked around trying to figure out why she was in her personal library. Wasn't she just in the Crystal Empire?

'My name is not Azure.'

'My name is not Azure.'

'...not Azure.'

Twilight slumped back into the chair as the memories slammed into her like a shot of one Pinkie Pie's Party cannons to the face. Those five words kept echoing over and over in her mind. For some reason her gaze lowered down to the side table next to her and to Spike memorial present with the photo of Spike laughing while flying with Smolder propped up against it.

'Spike was burned away five years ago in a manner not dissimilar to Cozy Glow or Tirek.'

'All that remains of Spike are scattered fragments of fading memories... and the name he chose deeply etched into my spirit...'

'It broke a fundamental... aspect of dragons... the Choosing.'

And now the same tragedy has happened to Azure...

'The Reliquary of the Ancients... an archive... houses what remains of the knowledge... and history...'

'What Spike needed was that knowledge.'

'A name?! You tore him from those he loves over a name!?'

But Azure, as far as she was able to see, had not been exposed to Šizra like Spike had been. If only then she could place the blame squarely on him but he most likely had nothing to do with Azure 'Choosing.' Pharynx had been quite adamant that not only had Šizra never even interacted with Azure but had departed the Empire. It was still possible that they had interacted without Pharynx' knowledge, Šizra was just that powerful. (Never mind the interaction could have occurred prior to his 'summoning.')

'It broke a fundamental... aspect of dragons... the Choosing.'

'One can only speak what is true in the ancient draconian language.'

She had at first refused to believe that manipulative... creature. But, now, doubts plagued her mind. The Choosing as told to her and witnessed sounded quite similar to the mythical concept of true names. For that matter, so did Ancient Draconian...

'Thou must understand that Šizra's interest in Spike is also disquieting... Whether for good or ill is still unknown but he will not stop until he is satisfied.'

Somethings cannot be fixed

She growled in sudden anger. No. Nope. No more! To Tartarus with Šizra and his claims! First Spike and now Azure! And how many dragons before them had to suffer? It is beyond wrong what dragon had to have a part of their souls destroyed. She was not going to stop until she found a way to fixheal them! Unfortunately, she had a feeling that it would require something like soul magic. Not only was soul magic barely understood (which was why she had to endless remind every new generation of the CMC that one couldn't magic up a cutie mark it would only manifest in its time) what little was known was extremely restricted. Not in the same way as dark magic (such as necromancy which was related to soul magic) but because it was so finicky and dangerous.

She may have failed in saving her brother... No. Twilight admonished herself as she mentally pulled herself together. She needed to be strong if she was going to be able to find a way to save the dragons. For him. For the dear brother whose final words were of his love for her.

'He wanted me to tell you, 'his sister,' that he loves you with all his heart, always.'

'Always'